king shit of fuck hill.

because it does, and it hurts. i'm afraid of doing any worse. lukas. he/him

[oflukcs]

LUKAS TOZER ( ALEX WOLFF ) is an 18 year old from BRUNSWICK, NJ. HE is known around the island as THE FOOL because he is PASSIONATE and THOUGHTFUL but can also be CYNICAL and ANNOYING. HE reminds of skateboarding injuries, a fake blood recipe saved to your notes app, dirty vans and well worn hoodies. [ S, 24, SHE, AEST ] 

tw: brief mention of self harm in physical characteristics

BASIC INFORMATION

name : Lukas Joshua Tozer

nicknames : Luk-ass

birthday : November 4th

age : 18

hometown : Brunswick, NJ

birthplace : Jacksonville, FL

religion : Reform Jewish

ethnicity : Ashkenazi Jewish

nationality : American

education : High School Senior

relationship status : Freshly single, f in the chat please boys

social class : Upper-Middle

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS

height : 6’ (he claims 6'1 though)

eyes : Brown

hair : Black and curly, almost entirely left to its own devices

build : Tall and slim. Scrawny by Wallows is about him.

distinguishing marks : Mole on upper lip, several self harm scars on his torso, stick and poke tattoo of a simplistic arrow pointing forward on his left big toe.

notable features : Under eye bags, crooked nose from previous break

physical disabilities : NA

allergies : Anaesthetic 

PERSONALITY & BEHAVIOUR

hobbies : Gaming, skateboarding, film making & film watching, being an annoying little shit <3

likes : Thriller movies he can pretend he’s smart for understanding, weed, The Front Bottoms, Eric Andre, & Pete Davidson

dislikes : Being left alone, people taller than him, cockroaches, romantic comedies, really potent floral perfumes 

quirks : Laughs at inappropriate moments, lots of swearing

strengths : Innovative, intelligent

weaknesses : Argumentative, weak

positive traits : Passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, humorous

negative traits :  Annoying, cynical, insensitive, resentful, irresponsible

mental disabilities : Depression, suspected BPD (write a mentally stable character for once challenge i failed)

5 FUN FACTS

one : Found out he was allergic to anaesthetic when he had nose reconstruction surgery. Broken nose on the heal, plus recovering from the allergic reaction: he looked absolutely fucked for weeks. The photo his dad took the morning after surgery is still what he uses for his profile picture on everything.

two : Despite spending a lot of his time dedicated to consuming movies, and has a fairly high standard for what a good movie is, and then dislikes a lot of good movies just because they’re popular: his favourite movie of all time is The Breakfast Club. Roast him.

three : Born in and lived in Florida until he was seven years old but he'd literally never admit it. He just says he's from Jersey and he's always lived there but goes to Florida multiple times a year for family events.

four : Has a singular stick and poke tattoo though he plans on adding more. It's a simplistic arrow pointing forward on his big toe. There's a little bit of meaning behind it, but more than anything it was just a test run so his friend would trust him enough to give him a shitty stick and poke on his birthday. The next one he wants to do are the initials A.T. which has significant meaning to him, he just hasn't decided on where.

five : Has two ryukin goldfish named Michael and Bublé, they’re about six months old and God only knows how they’re still alive. He cares about them, but he does not look after them very well. Very Chris from Skins, my condolences to those of you who understand that reference.

WHAT WAS YOUR CHARACTER WEARING ON THE FLIGHT?

1x black Thrasher sweatshirt, logo in white on the front

1x grey t-shirt with small red text on front that reads "you're too close."

1x loose white long sleeve underneath grey shirt

1x black jeans

1x pair grey and black striped socks

1x classic old skool black Vans

PLEASE LIST 3 PERSONAL ITEMS OF YOUR CHARACTER THAT WASHED UP ON SHORE

A 20 fl oz Cool Blue Gatorade purchased at Newark Airport. Unopened until this boy finds it on the shore and you best believe he drinks most of it in like two seconds, without even thinking it might be a good idea to save it.

Classic orange pill bottle with his Xanax prescription. Expecting to only be away for the retreat, he didn't organise his refill for before he left. There's about 13 2mg tablets in the bottle, on average this would last him a little over a week.

A pack of Marlboro cigarettes, about seven left in the pack and all destroyed by the water. Weirdly, though the seven cigarettes stayed in the pack no problem, the green BIC lighter he keeps in the pack must have fallen out before the pack before it washed up. 

EXTRAS

pinterest.

playlist.

further history.

[oflukcs]

task : introduce yourself

“ Have you heard of it? ” 

Lukas watched his therapist of the last year and a half turn the pamphlet over in his hand. The one that had been given to him when the school had outlined that he would attend in order to avoid charges pressed against him and expulsion from the school. There was more to it than that, he was gonna have to write an essay when he got back, act real remorseful and everything. Who knew, maybe he would be remorseful after a weekend at the world’s corniest retreat. Probably not, but hey, who knew.

Roland shook his head, holding the pamphlet back out to Lukas. “ No. It sounds good though, like it could be good for you. ” 

Lukas huffed a small laugh through his nose as he took the pamphlet back. “ If it’s good for me it’s not gonna be much of a punishment. ” He pointed out, sitting back in the chair. Fiddling with the corner of the paper for a moment before he opened it again. 

“ Maybe the point isn’t punishment, ” 

He chuckled softly again, shaking his head lightly. “ Don’t worry, man. It’s gonna be plenty punishment. ” His lazy voice implies it’s a joke but this weekend sounded like Lukas’ personal torture from the pamphlet alone. Then on top of that his mother was all for it and there was that stupid email he’d gotten too. “ They sent me an email this morning, they want, like, some introduction video from me. You know, name, some shit about me, three words I’d use to describe myself. ” He mocked, eyes still on the pamphlet. Not reading it, but watching the way the paper wobbled when he moved it with his fingers. “ Makes me wonder who else is gonna be there, if that’s, you know, a reasonable ask. ”

“ What three words would you use to describe yourself? ”

Lukas looked up, a little amused by the question.

“ I should be asking you, I’ve got no idea. ”

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

[ received ] Did you do that video they emailed you about. Its due tomorrow [ sent ] Yes mom I did it already

As quickly as Lukas had typed out the lie, he was pulling up the email to check if it mentioned anything about it being optional. Holding skateboard under his right foot as irritation completely coated his face. “ Fuck’s sake, ” He commented after rereading the email twice and seeing absolutely zero mention of optionality but confirmed that it was due tomorrow. 

He groaned, head tilting back for a long moment before he looked back down. The park was empty at least, so he wouldn’t have to go home to do it. That was something. But it didn’t erase the irritability that he had to do it at all. He and Roland had talked about words he used for himself, words that were accurate and words that weren’t– he couldn’t really use any of them though. They hadn’t really been for the video and he wouldn’t really use them outside his therapist’s office to begin with.

Leaving board behind he walked to the nearby fence, bending down to position phone on the ground against it. Brows furrowed, looking at where the camera pointed and back to phone again. Really wasn’t the best angle in the world, but this video was hopefully gonna be seen by no one except some intake employee. He pressed record, walking back to the board and sitting on it, more than familiar with balancing his weight when it shifted slightly beneath him.

He lifted his hand in a small wave to the camera. “ What up, I’m Lukas. Coming to you pre-recorded from the shit heap that is Brunswick, New Jersey. ” He gestured around him before wrapping arms loosely around his knees. “ I’m going on this thing because I have to not ‘cause I want to. I’d literally rather spend the weekend ripping off my own fingernails. ” He joked dryly. Would that be enough to make sure this video didn’t get shown to anyone? He didn’t know. “ I’m a skater, ” He held up his thumb, indicating he had started his three words to describe himself. “ I watch a lot of movies, I’m sure there’s a word for that, ” He added his index finger to the count. “ And I think most people would just call me a dick. ” He grinned as he held up third finger, holding it a beat before he pushed himself up again. Crouching in front of the camera, he’s about to stop the recording when something else just falls out of his mouth. “ And just in case this is going through some sort of algorithm: shit, cunt, fuck, pussy, balls, dick, fucker. ” With just a fraction of his face in frame, a stupid satisfied smile on his features, the recording stopped.  

[oflukcs]

theshanemartis​:

shane could have very easily just left the meeting and gone back to the city and never stopped to see who was out here. yet, she couldn’t. there would always be that voice in her head that told her to go towards to the reckless and dangerous things. after all, that was why she was here in the first place, because she couldn’t say no to those thoughts. it was all about working through their problems and learning from each other or some other shit she really didn’t care about. she never cared to get better because half the time, she didn’t even think there was anything wrong with her. so yeah, she was going to stick her nose in the business of the first person with drugs she sees. of course, maybe she shouldn’t have sounded like a narc for the first thing she said to this guy. but then again, most people didn’t get her sarcasm. “i want whatever they were smoking,” shane said, keeping up the joke. mostly to show that she wasn’t actually a narc and wasn’t going to run back inside to tell everyone or some shit. which seemed to work because he holds the joint out to her, taking that as a sign that they were cool. shane moved closer and took the joint from him, “thanks.” taking a hit of the joint, shane closed her eyes for a second, enjoying the slight burn in her lungs before exhaling. she looked back at lukas, holding the joint back out to him. “so is it always like that in there?” she asked, mostly to make conversation. 

●

He gave a short exhale through his nose in response to her joke. He wasn’t any sort of huge history buff, but he did think the sort of opiates that Romans fucked around with would knock him on his ass. It would for sure take out this chick, whoever she was. As she accepted his offer, he shoved now empty hands in his pockets. Both protecting fingers from the night chill and giving his hands something to do before he lit a cig in the time it took took her to hand the joint back. “ Sort of, ” He answered, taking joint back and not waiting to take another hit for himself.  He turned his head to blow the smoke out, watching it for a second before he looked back to her. “ Some people really fuck with it, it helps them or whatever. I guess that’s what matters, right? ” Though not intentionally, he distanced himself from those people. It’s not that he despised them, or looked down on them at all. If anything, he wanted to be them. He wanted this to help. He wanted something to help him not be the way he was. “ Guessing coming here wasn’t your idea? ”

[oflukcs]

closed starter: @margozhao​ dream concept: mukas coworkers get fired for being well mukas, now have to find some other tomfoolery to fill their day

As the door slams in their face, the last thirty minutes of their boss yelling about something or other ( Lukas had argued that ovens broke all the time and the video footage of him poking it with a screwdriver when it appeared to not be working was a set up ) cut off but the metallic clang. A beat. He looks over to his coworker, or ex-coworker now he guessed. And a laugh erupted from deep in his stomach, lifting his chin to let it out. Clutching at his gut as he turned away. “ Oh man, ” He said, taking a few steps to the side as he dug pack of cigarettes and light from his pocket. “ Did you see that coming? ” He asked, turning back to Margo with dumbass grin. “ I really did not expect him to crack like that, you know. I thought he had a bit more fight in him, ” He assessed, mostly talking out of his ass but he did truly find the blow up very, very amusing. Even if it left him jobless. And based on that, old mate wouldn’t be okay if Lukas put him down as a reference. “ Fuck we supposed to do now? ” He asked, offering pack out to Margo.

[oflukcs]

theshanemartis​:

closed starter for @oflukcs​ dream concept: rue and elliot but make it some how more mentally ill where: somewhere in jersey 

slouching in the uncomfortable metal chair, shane was only half paying attention to what was being said. the only reason she came to this support group shit was because her parents expected her to and she didn’t want to be put on suicided watch again. but just because she was coming, didn’t mean she had to enjoy it. besides, she was sitting in the basement of some random church in jersey, listening to people she didn’t know talk about their mental health. everything about the sentence was awful in shane’s opinion but she refused to even consider looking for support groups in the city, she didn’t want anyone she knew seeing her going to this thing and figuring out what it was for. 

as the meeting finished, shane didn’t make it a habit to stay late and socialize with anyone. she always used the excuse of how long it takes to get back to the city to get out of hanging around a cramped folded table with stale cookies and lukewarm coffee, talking about what they all just talked about as a group. pushing the door open, shane was instantly hit with a familiar smell, one she wouldn’t really expect outside a support group. walking along the building, she turned the corner to a talk, lanky guy smoking a joint. she remembers seeing him inside earlier, but hadn’t thought much of him at the time. she didn’t think much of anyone in the group. “i know it’s legal and all, but do you really think you should be doing that right outside of a church?” she asked, walking over to the guy. 

●

Maybe it was selfish, but every time Lukas went to one of these things he thought of how much more he preferred one on one therapy. Just him and his therapist who already knew all his shit in a room. No other mother fuckers measuring trauma dicks or just trying to keep someone happy. Government, family, friends. Who fucking knew. But Roland thought it would be good for him to interact with other people like him. Especially other people his age. And yeah, it sounded great in theory, and he agreed in theory. But that was a whole lot different to actually dragging his ass there and sitting through another meeting. So when it ended, Lukas quickly made for the door. Having his hands cupped around a joint in his mouth as he tried to light it before the door had even fully closed behind him. He walked a little further, rounding the corner of the building before he found a spot to lean. Letting the cold stone be as grounding and soothing as the smoke he was blowing out into the night air.

Brows raised and head turned when someone spoke, presumably to him. He scoffed a chuckle, corners of his lips pulling up a little at what she said. “ You kidding me? ” He asked, tone jestful though tired. “ This shit’s tame compared to whatever Jesus and his buddies would’ve been smoking back in the day. ” He joked. Unlike Shane, Lukas had been paying attention to the group. For a multitude of reasons but the one he liked the most was that Roland would ask about it. He noticed she hadn’t been there before. He noticed she didn’t speak, not that it was totally unusual for newcomers. Shit, Lukas had spoken twice in the three months he’d been coming on and off. He assessed the choice in front of him a moment longer before he held the joint out to her. A peace offering of sorts. 

[oflukcs]

                                    incoming : vibe check !

                                                                tw: self harm

physical –

So the preface because it is now Day 12: Sebastian did not beat Lukas’ ass, but Lukas did not get back to camp until the following morning just before they left to look for Blue. His eye is swollen from getting elbowed the previous day, but he’s a lot worse than that. Beyond black eye, also has pretty gnarly under eye bags/dark circles forming just from pure exhaustion. His knuckles are bruised, they were bloody but he’s cleaned them before returning to camp. Despite still humid weather, Lukas has taken the overcast day as an opportunity to don another layer, putting his Thrasher sweater back on. Unknown to the rest of the group for the moment: his stomach is bleeding lightly thanks to a sharp rock and self hatred. Sharp rock is now being kept in his pocket alongside his remaining Xanax ( after taking another morning of Day 12, he has four remaining ).

Summary: Lukas looks wrecked. More so than he has the last couple days. Seemingly out of no where. :)

mental –

[ redacted ] 

... not good besties 

group –

Lukas has a tendency of thinking himself an outsider, and then making himself one just to prove himself right: which is sort of what he’s doing right now. He’s been in a shitty mood for days. Flipping between being annoying and joking and being moody and snappy in an instant. When there’s not anything to do he’s been sleeping on the outskirts of camp. The way he actually feels and the way he’s thinking are two very different things. He cares about the boys, he wants to be liked by them. But can no longer try. He is not motivated. He can barely keep himself together, much less try and be a part of a group he feels on the outside of. Sebastian not taking one for the team and hitting Lukas has not helped, don’t ask me to elaborate on that.

[oflukcs]

a summary of night 11 with seblukas <3

[oflukcs]

sebastiansergeant​:

“Don’t touch me, get your grimy little hands away from me,” Sebastian commanded, though he wasn’t under the foolish belief that Lukas had any intention of actually listening to him that night, he wasn’t that stupid. Still, Lukas was a special breed of human that made Sebastian’s skin crawl even at the best of times. It was the greasy hair, the questionable laundered clothing, the unironed shirts and pants and Lukas wasn’t alone. Sebastian had met plenty of kids just like him and each and every one of them made Sebastian feel like there were filthy mites under his own fingernails. He could vomit. 

“Maybe I’m sick,” he retorted plainly, though he had chosen not to believe it for the past month or so, he’d been battling the idea since the early days on the island. Maybe they were all sick. “Don’t touch me,” he repeated again, more harshly this time as his heart rate picked up once again, his voice like gravel as it ejected from his mouth.

“I didn’t try to fucking kill anybody, I saved his dumb ass,” Sebastian had also been a part of the reason that Warren required saving at all but he left that part unsaid, choosing to focus on the parts of the equation that suited him best. “I’ve been wanting to fucking hit you since the first time you opened your whiney little mouth up but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it, even if you do deserve it- now back the fuck up, I can smell your goddamn breath,” he informed the other boy, standing firm against the shove before he delivered one back, pushing the male forcefully until there was distance between them, Lukas with his ass in the dirt and Sebastian taking half a step backward to catch his breath and try to understand what kind of lunacy he’d been tangled up in and for what reason.

●

Lukas landed harshly on his ass when Sebastian pushed him back. On the ground for a second before he pushed himself up onto his hands. In a way, he was well aware how pathetic it was that he’d tried pushing Sebastian and he’d barely budged, and then come Sebastian shoving Lukas and he was on the floor. But he didn’t care, not right now and probably not any time soon. What matter to him now was that something had worked. Sure, the itch was not anywhere near scratched, but it’s like he had an idea of where it was now.

“ So you with your hands around Warren’s throat, squeezing the fucking life out of him? That your version of CPR? ” Lukas retorted, wiping ungracefully under his nose. He wasn’t above using Warren’s death against Sebastian right now. He didn’t know if that was what got a reaction out of him, but he’d try it again to be damn sure. He hadn’t expected Sebastian to admit he was sick, he hadn’t expected half the shit he said. “ Come on, man. You wanna hit me so fucking bad, do it. ” He said, looking up at Sebastian from his position on the ground. “ Fucking do it, and I’ll shut the fuck up. I’ll shut the fuck up. You’re so close, dude. ” Any calm being pushed to the ground had knocked into him was quickly fading, being replaced by the need to make more stupid fucking decisions to get to what he wanted. “ Fucking do it! Fucking hit me! ” He hadn’t gone into this with a desire to hurt Sebastian, but that didn’t stop him from pulling his leg back and kicking Sebastian’s shin hard as he begged for this guy to just hit him. He’d been so close with the axe on his chest and pushing him to the ground, just fucking hit him.

[oflukcs]

sebastiansergeant​:

Sebastian truly couldn’t comprehend the situation and he could no longer blame his post-sleep fog for it. He had met guys that had instigated fights even if they had no chance of winning. He had met guys who didn’t even realise they were instigating fights until it was too late. This, however, this was new territory and he couldn’t quite understand what Lukas was getting at but despite his inability to be cognizant of the other boy’s intentions, he knew he didn’t like it. Not one bit. 

He stepped closer to Lukas, a fist clenched at one side, the other hand wrapped so tightly around the handle of the axe that his knuckles practically glowed a ghostly white, even in the dark. He shifted his grip on the weapon, perhaps contemplating striking the other boy for a moment but instead, he nudged Lukas in the chest with the rounded end of the tool, “You’re sick,” he stated sharply, the words laced with venom as they came out of his mouth, each syllable wrapped in barbs.

Sebastian knew that Lukas was sick because although Dr. Brewer hadn’t used the same words, he’d told Sebastian almost the same thing, as soon as the teenager was able to stand upright with the assistance of crutches. That had been the first of their mandated meetings at the Inova Fairfax Hospital just weeks before Sebastian had arrived at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport, ready to board his connecting flight to Hawaii.

●

When Sebastian takes a step towards him, Lukas thinks he’s done it. He’s gonna get what he wants. It’s gonna hurt like a fucking bitch but it would give him that relief that he so desperately craved. The itch would be scratched and he could get some fucking peace. But before it happens, Sebastian doesn’t lift the fist clenched at his side. He doesn’t even move fast enough to inflict any damage. The safest end of the axe tapping against his chest felt like Sebastian had just spit in his fucking face. Of course he didn’t know what was below the axe in that moment, but Lukas did. Combine the memory of razors, knives, and broken glass with the choice words Sebastian picked, Lukas was launched again.

“ Fuck you, man, ” He moved, pushing the axe away from him though he was half tempted to try and yank it from Sebastian’s hands. Given their distance from the camp, Lukas didn’t worry about his volume. Though in his current state, he probably wouldn’t have been able to control his volume if they were still at camp. “ I’m fucking sick, ” He gave an unamused scoff after repeating his words. It was true. He’d been sick for as long as he could remember. Fucked from the started by a chemical imbalance. But that didn’t stop it from sounding like a joke coming from Sebastian. “ If I’m sick then the fuck are you, dude? ” Care for what happened, or what Sebastian thought of him was slipping through his fingers quickly, proven by how he reached out and shoved Sebastian’s chest. “ You tried to kill a dude on the second day here, in fact if no one stepped in, you probably fucking would have. Maybe I’m sick, whatever– what the fuck are you then? You can’t even say you don’t want to, fucking hit me. ” He pushed him again.

[oflukcs]

sebastiansergeant​:

If Sebastian didn’t have to be quiet to ensure that the boar wasn’t spooked well before they approached it, he’d have chewed the other boy out for a comment like that. Who the fuck did this kid think he was? He was the one playing tonsil hockey with Dash just days beforehand and now he was making jokes about Sebastian tugging on other dudes dicks? Fuck off, bro.  

“What?” Sebastian asked sharply, stopping in his tracks as if his feet had been glued to the jungle floor. He was certain, for a moment or so that he had misheard the other boy as he shrugged off residual sleepiness but when Lukas continued, he realised there was something else going on. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he growled, already irritated by the combination of Lukas’ voice and the words he was saying, though they barely made any sense to Sebastian. Sure, the syntax was logical, the language was familiar but why was he saying any of this and why was he saying it now? 

“I’m not gonna just fucking hit you bro- what are you- are you trying to fucking trap me? Get all the other guys to put me in a goddamn cage cos I took your stupid axe- it’s not even yours and I took it cos you fucking lost it,” he protested aggressively, anxiety welling inside of him as he tried desperately to understand what he had gotten himself into by following Lukas. “Or are you getting off on this shit?” he asked a moment later, eyes narrowed as he tried to real the other boy but failed, clouded by a lack of empathy.

●

Predictable confusion coated Sebastian’s features and then came irritation, not quite anger but it was still enough for Lukas. To keep him on this fucking train that was about to go off the rails instead of jump to safety while he still had a chance. Sebastian’s line of questioning was reasonable, but Lukas hadn’t asked him out here in hopes that the mother fucker could be reasonable. He’d brought him out here for that anger. For that hair trigger. For whatever it was that made this fuckwit shoot first, ask questions later. “ No– dude, it’s not– I’m fucking telling you, I’m not gonna tell anyone. ” He stumbled through his words, irritated himself that Sebastian all of a sudden had reservations about hitting him. “ I don’t give a fuck about the axe, alright? Alright just fucking hit me. ” Was he begging? It was hard to tell because he was angry, but he took a step forward, arms in front of him. Don’t leave him out here, Sebastian. Find some good in your heart to deck this sad Jersey boy before he finds a tall enough tree to take a dive from.

 Then came the accusation that he was getting off on this. “ Jesus– fuck, no. ” Though maybe he should have gone with it. Maybe that would have earned him a hit quicker than whatever the fuck his tactic was right now. Didn’t matter, he was too deep in this shit already. “ This might be hard for you to fucking wrap your tiny pee brain around but not everything is about you. This isn’t about you, ” Yeah, Lukas was all over the place. The desire to feel something was making him act out, behave impulsively. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. Don’t get him started on being on this fucking island. Knowing his family wasn’t fucking looking for him anymore. Knowing the world out there was moving without him. The haunting thought he meant fucking nothing. “ Fucking punch me or hit me or something. ” Anything, just do anything. “ You can’t fucking tell me you haven’t thought about it, so just fucking do it. ”

[oflukcs]

sebastiansergeant​:

Sebastian nodded his head in agreement, it was about as much of a plan as he would have come up with, if he’d had the knowledge that Tozer apparently did about the beast. “Good chance it’s gonna bounce as soon as it wakes up,” if they gave it the chance to wake up, that was. Admittedly, the closer they moved toward their destination, the sharper Sebastian’s breathing became, the more quickly his heart rate picked up, increasing steadily by the moment. He didn’t want to kill the boar. He wasn’t even sure that he could kill the boar. The only thing he was certain of was that he had to kill the boar. The other boys would crucify him if he didn’t and with good reason, he thought, he would deserve it.

“Yeah, yeah,” he hadn’t really been listening to Tozer’s explanation but he’d heard enough to concur with the other boy. “No doubt your buddy the cotton candy king woulda blabbed anyway, scaring the thing away before we got anywhere near,” if they had any hope of catching the boar asleep, they’d have to gag Dash and leave him tied to a rock, Sebastian was pretty sure.

●

“ Exactly, best chance we got is surrounding it before it does. ” Lukas continued with his bullshit easily. In his head he was running over how the different ways he’d thought to phrase the favour he wanted to ask of Sebastian. He could say something fucked up, just try and get a punch out of him by being annoying. Or he could be real. Somewhat. Maybe even ask nicely, that’s how desperate he was to fucking feel that pain run through his body. “ That’s if it didn’t hear you and ol’ Mr Canadian Dickhead jerking each other off first. ” He retorted dryly, as he stepped over another tree root. Looking around, he decided they were far enough, and Lukas didn’t want to wait any longer. He slowed to a stop.

“ Doesn’t fucking matter though, ” 

He turned, looking up at Sebastian. God he fucking hated that he had to look up at this mother fucker. It should be illegal for dickheads to be this tall, he thought. Ben Kissel was the only exception. “ None of it fucking matters because I didn’t see the damn pig. ” He admitted, and now he knew he had to work quickly. Because Sebastian no longer had a reason to be here and had every reason to leave. “ I want you to hit me. ” Surprise, Sebastian! “ I know that shit in the jungle was an accident, but I’d bet my life you wanna fucking punch me, ” Especially now, Lukas thought. “ And now you can, and I won’t do shit. ” To prove that point, he dropped the spear to the ground, arms out at his sides, posing as a very easy target. “ I won’t tell any of them. No one’s gotten a good look at my face. I’ll say it looks worse in the sunlight or something. So, just– go for it. ” 

[oflukcs]

sebastiansergeant​:

Sebastian shuddered awake, the suddenness of Lukas’ approach snapping him out of what had been a relatively peaceful slumber, aside from the whole desert island thing. He grabbed the other boys wrist and gave it a firm tug, his brow furrowing in the process, “Wake me up like I’m in a fucking coma again and I’ll put you in one,” he instructed quietly before wiping the underside of his nose with his forearm and following Lukas’ lead, standing up as quietly as he could and following the other boy to wherever he had apparently seen their arch nemesis boar ‘chilling’ as he had so astutely put it.

Once they were far enough away from the others not to disturb anybody, he sniffed back and spat on the ground, clearing his throat as his mind cleared of its sleep induced fog at the same time. Though his grip on the axe remained unnecessarily and uncomfortably tight, he was more relaxed than he had been when he was first awoken by Tozer. It wasn’t a particularly high bar, admittedly but it was an improvement nonetheless. “You got a gameplan or what?”

●

His hand closes into a fist when Sebastian grabbed him, not that he wanted to hit Sebastian, it was just an instant reaction to someone grabbing him like that. He rolled his eyes at the threat. Little did Sebastian know that was pretty fucking close to what he wanted. If he didn’t care so much about privacy, he would have just tea bagged the dude to wake him up and seen what happened. “ Duly noted. ” He retorted sarcastically, pulling his arm back to himself once Sebastian let got, standing and starting to move away from the others.

He’s not sure if it’s adrenaline or panic running through him as they move further away from the group. The reality of his dumbass idea hitting him now that Sebastian was walking behind him like an actual lumbering oaf. “ Sneak up on it, it looked like he was sleeping, ” he started to explain, this entirely fake scenario coming to him easily. Sebastian was easier to lie to than his mom, the dude didn’t fucking know him. “ I figure, one of us on one side, other on the opposite in case it tries to make a run for it. ” In this scenario, they had the advantage of surprising the pig instead of the other way around. “ But, ideally, get it in it’s sleep. Nice and easy. ” He said, looking ahead as they moved deeper into the jungle. They needed to be far enough away from the group that Sebastian couldn’t just leave in a second and tell the group what Lukas had asked of him. “ Hence why I didn’t wake everyone, would’a woken it up before we even got to it. ” 

[oflukcs]

closed starter: @sebastiansergeant when: day 11, close to midnight where: adam’s camp

tw: fair warning, this whole thread is gonna have a lot of depressing narration for lukas dealing with self harm relapse, please block “self harm tw”, or even this post as a whole if you need to ily 

It’s a stupid fucking idea, Lukas knew that. But he was desperate. The itch had been scratched once, the pain of getting hit in the face had allowed him just a moment of peace. A moment to feel normal, calm even. And now he needed another fix. 

Relapse was bad enough at home, he could be private about it at home. Bandage himself up and pretend nothing had changed. But it wasn’t as much of a choice here. If he bled, the others would know. He had to be more creative than that, and unfortunately, Lukas was smarter than he let on. The idea had come to him in the water. While he’d been splashing water on his face and the others were fighting on shore about something or other. The pain from the pressure of his fingers on his face. That there was someone here that might dislike him enough to actually take an opportunity to hit him, that that person appeared to have a hair trigger, and that he could bundle a further injury with the already forming black eye.

But he had to wait. He had to be smart. He came back to shore, and he waited. Even pretending to go to sleep for a couple hours before he acted on his plan. Sneaking away from a sleeping Dash he crept towards Sebastian, stepping quietly as to not wake the others. Along the way, grabbing one of the hand crafted spears. Holding it away from Gigantor as he crouched down beside him, and shook his shoulder. “ Yo, wake up, ” He whisper-yelled, though the second Sebastian’s eyes opened he held his index finger over his own lips. Universal sign or shut the fuck up. “ I just saw the boar, it’s like, chilling not far from camp. ” He said, explaining his reasoning for waking him, or coming near him in general. “ Come on, ” He said, gesturing for Sebastian to follow him as he got up and started to move away. Fingers crossed Gigantor’s sleepy state would prevent him from asking any questions.

[oflukcs]

kianwalls​:

kian mustered up a high-pitched noise and a grimace that said you’re totally dead, but i’m not gonna be the one to break that to you. “ at least you’ve got a fighting chance now that you’ve got the zombie bat, hey ? ” he said, giving lukas a friendly smack on his sunburnt, peeling arm. after a few awkward moments of silence, kian cleared his throat. “ for what it’s worth, sometimes i think they’re more bark than they are bite. like, what happened yesterday was completely mental. i’m sure that if sergeant dickhead had human feelings, an axe would be the last thing on his mind when his best mate’s on the brink of death, too. ”

●

There were a number of things Lukas thought while Kian gave his response. Like why everyone seemed to be blaming Dash’s injury for his own fuck up. That Sebastian seemed more bite than bark. And that tragically, murder-lust was technically and unfortunately a human feeling. But he didn’t go with any of that. “ Listen, that was real nice and I appreciate the bat, ” Is that what they were calling the spiky bark now? “ However, not really convincing. Your bedside manner’s sort of shit. ” He critiqued in jest, somewhat amused by the concept of his own destruction now that Kian had confirmed that it felt fairly likely. He let bag fall from his shoulder as he spoke, so he could stash his very own Lucille away out of sight, and not somewhere he’d prick his fingers on accident, like his pocket. He sucked his teeth before he continued. He asked one serious question and now he had to make about twenty jokes so no one could come for his role as official camp jester. “ So, in case it comes to it, I’m leaving you in charge of making sure no one says any weird Christian shit at my funeral. ” He returned back to his shoulder, one hand wrapping around a strap. “ If they do, well– I’ll leave the punishment up to you, how about that? ” He looked back to Kian with a small grin. 

[oflukcs]

kianwalls​:

kian’s face scrunched in confusion. “ have we got rope, now ? ” he hadn’t realized lukas was joking until he told him so, and kian had to remind himself that punching him in the tit was totally against the whole nice person vibe he was trying for. “ whatever, never mind that. look – ”

from where he’d been hiding it behind his back, kian unveiled the secret weapon he’d stayed up making last night on his evening binder retreat: a thick plank of tree bark with nearly fifty pins from dash’s sewing kit sticking out of its one end. some of them were a bit bent on account of him shoving them into the wood, but it was a very small minority, he thought. “ i figured you needed some backup on the trip with sergeant and marcher. you know, in case they start roid raging on you. ” he turned the plank over in his hands, showing lukas all of the differently-colored pins. “ it’s like one of those nail bats you fight zombies with, yeah ? i’ve seen it in films. ”

●

Lukas isn’t sure what he expected but an extra spiky bit of bark was really top of his list. He watches as Kian turns the thing over in his hands and listens as he speaks. It occurs to him that maybe he’d been toeing a dangerous line during his time on the island, and that he had crossed the line by losing the axe. And now he was jumping, bleeding, straight into the lion’s den and everyone else knew it too. He bit the inside of his cheek before holding his hand out for it. “ Like Lucille in The Walking Dead, Negan’s bat. ” He referenced, not able to think of a movie but the image of Glenn Rhee’s death scene coming to mind immediately. “ Thanks, ” He drew his attention from the makeshift bat up to Kian’s as he gave his thanks but they quickly dipped back down. Cautiously, but also stupidly, he lowered his palm onto the pins, pulling away with a light hiss for air when it pricked his skin. Turning hand over to investigate the damage. Yeah, Kian must think he’s totally fucked to be helping him with the world’s most desperate weapon. “ Be honest with me, how dead do you think I am walking into the jungle with those guys? ” He asked, eyes lingering on his hand and the few tiny dots of red starting to show for a moment before he looked up again. 

[oflukcs]

sebastiansergeant​:

“For what fucking reason did you think that would not make me mad at you?” Sebastian questioned, though whether it was rhetorical or something he genuinely felt compelled to know was difficult to decipher. “You remember when I said I didn’t trust you with that shit?” actually, that had been a comment about the makeshift shiv Lukas had crafted out of a soda can but regardless, the sentiment remained, “This is pretty much exactly why I said that, almost to a fucking tee. That and the pretty visceral vision I had of you cutting somebody’s goddamn arm off with it. This is why I said that,” he reiterated with a grunt of frustration. He knew that Lukas was incapable of being responsible for anything, he fucking knew it and if he’d acted on it, they wouldn’t be without the axe now. He had himself to blame as much as anybody else, Lukas included. 

He sighed, running his hand through his hair as he regained his composure, straightening his spine and squaring his tensed shoulders a moment later, “You don’t know where it is but do you know when you lost it? When is the last time you remember having it in your hand? Be specific, don’t just say ‘the jungle’ I really don’t have the patience right now,” 

●

Sure, Lukas felt like shit. But he wasn’t the sort to apologise. Or really even behave that remorsefully. When people got mad at him all he wanted to do was make it worse. Blame his mother. He did. So when Sebastian, as expected and reasonably, got mad at him, Lukas was quickly full of stupid remarks. “ ‘Cause I asked nicely? ” He replied facetiously, easily falling into the gag of acting as though Sebastian were being unreasonable. 

And then came the lecture. Fucking hell. He looked away so he could roll his eyes. He already felt like shit, the whole you were incompetent to begin with wasn’t really necessary. He looked back to Sebastian, wishing he had the axe just to test the whole cutting off someone’s arm thing. Specifically Sebastian’s. Imaging something gore-y right out of a second rate early 80s horror, cheesy blood spurt and all. He’s just about to open his mouth and say the jungle, because that was kind of the amount of specifics he had to offer about the whole thing, when Sebastian told him not to. If he knew when and where he’d dropped it, he’d just go get it. It wasn’t that fucking simple, Sebastian. “ I remember having it on the island. ” He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice before he continued, exasperated tone to his voice. “ I don’t fucking know, dude, ” Sure, humiliation could be kind of hot sometimes but this wasn’t exactly the scenario he’d dreamed of. “ When we were still looking for the wolf, I don’t think I would’a put it down until we stopped, ” He rubbed lightly at his face, trying to remember when he’d last had it. But even before the shrooms, he’d been rolling so fuck knows. Maybe he just dropped it at some point. Maybe if Sebastian had seen this coming he should have picked it up when Lukas so predictably left it behind.

[oflukcs]

joecartwright​:

joe wiped his forehead with the back of his hand out of relief and also because he was sweating buckets. the humidity of the island had been kicking his arse from the get go but the shrooms were making his glands or whatever go into overdrive. the clammy feeling made him want to peal off his skin. “ i was worried that island time had fried your brain. we have nowt to worry about if you already have a fried brain.” he froze. he felt like a tosser as soon as that explanation left his mouth.“we have nowt to worry about because you already having a fried egg brain mean you haven’t gotten worse from being stuck here. it doesn’t mean we don’t care about you and your friend egg brain. we care about you.” instead of giving the precise clarification he wanted to give lukas joe’s words came out in a desperate scrambled ramble. it wasn’t the first time that happened to him and it wouldn’t be the last. “warren would be so fucking pissed off at you.” joe looked away solemnly. he then went through the 5 stages of grief at the speed of light.he returned to the memories of warren’s corpse, wished that the swiss wanker was there with them then imaged warren’s reaction to being forgotten. joe burst out laughing at his imaginary version of warren.“i can picture the stupid pout he would make and he’d probably say summat like how could you forget about me? i’m unforgettable and irresistible, ja."he did a duckface as he impersonated warren. the accent he put on to impersonate him was obviously more inspired by alan rickman in die hard than it was warren’s way of speaking.

joe smiled at lukas’s weak chuckle. it was confirmation that lukas was kind of ok and it was the crumb of validation joe was constantly looking for."sebastian’s going to be gutted his stiffest coemption in the island triathlon had to pull out."he commented, happy to volley back and forth shitty jokes."it was a fucking stupid suggestion. i made it from force of habit. you don’t need a hot water bottle because you’re not my ex girlfriend and you don’t have period cramps.” joe laughed because of how pathetic it was that he missed a fake relationship that was making him and somebody he cared about miserable.his mood instantly perked up when lukas patted the ground beside him.“cheers mate, i need a sit down so badly.” he plopped himself onto the ground like a sack of spuds.“the floor was moving and i don’t think it’s meant to do that.”

●

In response to having his brain accurately assessed as fried Lukas offered a little finger gun in Joe’s direction. As if to say, exactly, dude. Exactly that. But Joe continued, trying to make fried brain sound less rude. Which, while appreciate, wasn’t necessary. Lukas watched him, amused by the way he stumbled by words– until Joe got to the end of it. We care about you. Lukas laughed. He couldn’t help it. This idea that any of these motherfuckers gave a fuck about him simply because they’d crash landed on the same island together was stupid. People at home barely gave a fuck about him, why the fuck would these idiots. If they did care, they were only ever going to be disappointed by him. “ That’s fucking gross, man, ” He joked easily, rather than dispute what Joe  said outright. Looking back to the sky he stupidly chose to try and make a loud gagging sound, as if he was puking, completely forgetting the sensitive nature of of his stomach. Only getting a second into it before it wasn’t really fake, and he was actually gagging. Rolling away from Joe, onto his side so he could cough it out. Thankfully not having anything come up, and flopping back onto his back a couple moments later.

Another snort as Joe continued the joke, “ It’ll be nice for him to have a win though, I’m glad I get to give him that. ” He added humbly, as if he stood a chance again Sebastian in any sort of athletic competition and wouldn’t just be completely trampled within seconds. He listened to Joe explain what he’d said, a significant portion of it still going over his head, but the general message hitting him this time. Joe was trying to be nice. Like someone offering a hand up when you fucking stacked it. A lawyer offering a shitty coffee before they tell you how fucked your situation is. However, forever shit at handling people actually being nice to him, being genuine, Lukas looked over at Joe with stupid smirk on his features. “ How do you know I’m not your ex? What if I just– ” He gripped his fingers around the bottom of an imaginary mask and pretending to rip it over his head. “ And it was just your ex underneath? ” He laughed. It was a stupid joke but Lukas refused to take anything even a little bit seriously. He’d resort to turning this mask bit into a Jim Carey reference if he had to, he’d do it.

He laughed again, boisterously this time. “ Yo, you’re still fucking tripping? ” He questioned, hand on his own stomach as Joe sat down beside him. There were probably a few reasons before tolerance that would explain why Joe was still feeling the effects of the shrooms and Lukas wasn’t. Reasons such as Lukas’ comically weak stomach and the other drugs he had been throwing back like candy. But still, Lukas allowed it to boost his ego. “ Bro, that’s wild. You got a low tolerance or something? ” Alternate question: do you partake in the whacky tobaccy, Joseph?