His heart was pounding as he took a step back from her, the noise of it made it hard to thing clearly, hard to form the words that so desperately longed to tear free from the cage of his chest. Taking a steadying breath to steady himself, he scowled down at her.
“Because you are the Inquisitor.” He stared in that level pragmatic voice that he used when he was trying to reason, but his voice threatened to tremble, to reveal the true emotion behind his outburst. “Because falling in love with me would be a distraction.”
His breaths were shaky now, coming is tremulous waves and he paused again, eyes piercing into her. “Because all I ever think about is a life with you, back in that cabin, away from all this Maker forsaken mess.” He gestured around them. In his life, good things never lasted, crumbled away like ash the second he could reach out to touch them. It was why he held back. Why averted his gaze, why he kept his distance.
“You are right. I am scared. Terrified.” A gloved hand ran through his hair. “If I…if this gets in the way…if something were to happen to you…” He swallowed hard, next words barely more than a whisper. “It would be all my fault.
It hurt, watching him step back like that. Even if she knew it was shock or disbelief, she didn’t the way he moved away from her. And so she watched him carefully, wishing she could jump off this damn horse and into his arms. Unfortunately, the wound would not allow her to. Instead she listening.
“And what if I already have fallen in love with you Cullen, what then?” The words were simple, and in their simplicity it was obvious how true they were. “Is it not more of a distraction to wonder? To wish it was possible? To imagine it?” Her voice was thickening, it seemed tears wanted to come but she held them back.
“I watched you die for me, Cullen. I watched you be tortured for me. And yet, it pales in comparison to the thought of not having you. All I want is a life with you too. Love is possible in this mess - in fact, love is one of the only reasons this mess is even worth it.” Passion dripped from every word, that intense green gaze settled upon his wearied features. Rynn reached out - hand barely able to graze his cheek as she stretched from her spot atop the horse, a poorly-hidden wince accompanying the motion.
“It could never be your fault Cullen. In fact, half the reason I’ve survived the things I have is because I knew I needed to come back to you. Try to let the fear go, even if only for a few minutes, and tell me what you would do if it was not there? Or better yet, just do it. We’ll still fight this evil, but damn the Inquisition - I am yours, if you wish it.” Those last words were difficult to say, the vulnerability laid bare in front of him. It was a risk the Inquisitor did not take lightly, and yet she knew it must be taken.
She could only hope he did not reject her.