of unsaid words

a bunch of late night thoughts to people I wish I said

[ofunsaidwords]

How do I console myself knowing that I do not know who I am? I still look in the mirror and wonder, how is that me?

loving yourself is easier said than done // random quotes i’ve said #???

[ofunsaidwords]

good morning, have a good day. good night, sleep well. eat well, stay safe. (and beneath all that, just know i love you, too.)

— ingat ka din // a series of poems (for the one i love) #3

[ofunsaidwords]

in between finding love and finding myself,  i found you. 

i told myself I wouldn't fall for you,  then I just had to go and do it anyway.

the truth is even after all the people i met,  after all the time i spent,  all the walls i tried to build it was always you. 

— it was always you // a series of poems (for the one i love) #1

[ofunsaidwords]

Sometimes I wish you’d come back. Then I remember I was never important to you in the first place.

— moving on still hurts // excerpt from a book i’ll never write pt.5

[ofunsaidwords]

If you asked me three months ago if I liked the boy that sat a few tables away from me, I would’ve shrugged and said, “I don’t know”, because I didn’t. After all, broken people can’t love.

If you asked me now if I liked the boy who randomly said pick-up lines over any random thing and joked about fantasy and reality and lived an ocean away, I would say, “Maybe”.

I’m falling in love with the idea of love again and, I know it’s going to hurt somewhere, but my god does it feel amazing to love and be alive again.

— humans were always made to love // excerpt from a book i’ll never write pt.4

[ofunsaidwords]

We want to die a little just to feel stronger—to give us some character. But sometimes, it only breaks us more.

why we crave suffering // random quotes #3

[ofunsaidwords]

I don't think it ever occurred to Achilles that Patroclus might die first and that's what breaks me. Imagine loving someone so much you wish for them to outlive you. Until they don't. Then what?

— chiron was right // excerpt from a book i'll never write pt.3

[ofunsaidwords]

“Is it easy?”

“What is?”

He smiles. “Knowing you never had to leave me.”

“It is harder to be relieved than to grieve. I am happy knowing I didn’t have to die in front of you, but I grieve knowing you’ll never grow old and have a bright future.”

— what i imagine patroclus and achilles' conversation would go // except from a book i'll never write pt.2

[ofunsaidwords]

it's eleven in the evening and you read those excerpts of poets reminiscing about past loves and suddenly, they come back to mind again. they make your heart ache in a way you don't realize. but once you do, you try to push it away and forget their name. you miss them, but you know you should move on.

notice how i didn't mention someone. did a name still pop into your mind?

(i'm tired of still being in love with you. can't i just forget you?)

— of a love i'll never have // excerpt from a book i'll never write pt.1

[ofunsaidwords]

It's hard to be lonely when you forget what loneliness feels like.

i want to be loved // random quotes #2

[ofunsaidwords]

I like to say I seek pain because I want to feel something when there's nothing else to feel.

the reasons why i love angst // random quotes #1

[ofunsaidwords]

it hurts to breathe. i don't know why. one day, i was breathing fine, my chest didn't hurt, but then the next, it hurts so bad and i can't breathe. even my throat hurts. (heartburn or heartache, they don't feel any different.)

untitled no.1 // of unsaid words #11

[ofunsaidwords]

is it bad that even as i look at you now, ten months from when it was 'us' and not just 'me' and 'you', i still find you handsome? you get more handsome every day. i couldn't stop looking at you and having my heart race again. but then, i saw him— another boy— who was my distraction from you. and so, while i ignored your presence, i fell in love with his. (can i ever escape you?)

distractions, distractions // of unsaid words #10

[ofunsaidwords]

i don't know if i hate falling in love or i just keep falling in love with the wrong people. (is there really such a thing as 'the one'?)

love sucks // of unsaid words #8

[ofunsaidwords]

a couple of boys have made me smile like an idiot just by looking them in the eyes. i think that's how i fall in love. i fall in love with the eyes because the eyes are the window to the soul, and your eyes seem very kind. (do you look at me that way, too?)

falling in love // of unsaid words #7

[ofunsaidwords]

one day, i got a note from an old friend who i no longer knew. they told me, "you look happier now." and i smiled because i am. i am happier, despite my pain. i am happier, despite my doubts. i am happier, despite my weaknesses. i am, and i am glad it shows. (i am loving myself, and that is what matters.)

words from a stranger // of unsaid words #6

[ofunsaidwords]

i want to dance in the rain one day. when the clouds are grey, and the sun is hidden while tears fall from the sky. i want to dance in the rain, not to get sick, but to feel alive. (you're not the only one in pain; even the world cries, too.)

dancing in the rain // of unsaid words #5