it's all in the thrill

levi ventura. 18. dynamo. motion arts major.

[ohitslevi]

ok i really wanted to write a self para but i’m so behind in my readings and it’s like first week fml

but baasically i was going to have levi accidentally od and wake up in the hospital i just think that it would’ve been a pivotal moment for him to realize that oh shit he needs help and get the help he needs

also it would’ve had his thoughts and feelings about everything; his secrets being exposed, jude’s secret about their mom, his relationship with bennett etc....

but to give you guys peace of mind and so you guys stop hating me lennett are getting back together so yay for that bc lbr they deserve happiness and they’ll have a bright future ahead of them ok

[ohitslevi]

@mcgowans: @theleviathan how would you know? i didn't really see you saying much after your oompa loompa friend shaded your best friend

@mcgowans: @theleviathan but you sure had a lot to say when i defended her. so, just tell me the name of your new band, levi. because you really have no logic

@theleviathan: @mcgowans I'm sorry? Did you not see me tell him to shut the fuck up or did you choose to ignore that? His comment was unnecessary and uncalled for. I'm not defending his actions

@theleviathan: @mcgowans I'm not sure what you mean but okay.

[ohitslevi]

@mcgowans: @thelevianthan nah, from where i see it his tweets were nothing but unnecessary shade while mine was me standing up for my best friend

@theleviathan: @mcgowans like I said there are other ways to stand up for her without stooping to that level. regardless of your intent, it still makes you a hypocrite.

[ohitslevi]

@mcgowans: @theleviathan lol? that's really my call to make so.

@theleviathan: @mcgowans kind of hypocritical to trash someone for saying one thing and then say the exact same thing, is it not?

@theleviathan: @mcgowans there are other ways to respond to stupidity.

[ohitslevi]

@mcgowans: when will people stop blaming women for their right to not correspond feelings.........especially when not knowing about them.....yikes

@mcgowans: @ctrlpiper clearly has a poor taste in men and that's just sad because she's an awesome girl.

@mcgowans: that's all fakes.

@theleviathan: @mcgowans this wasn't necessary either.

[ohitslevi]

@fckdonte: @theleviathan has pretty shitty taste in women, and a drug addict, which is a joke. He's still a lot better than most of oceanview.

@fckdonte: my girlfriend's a fucking genius. @ctrlpiper 's made mistakes with her first. Good thing I fixed them. :)

@fckdonte: @dtfjude life's tough, good job.

@fckdonte: @charliexoxo is the strongest girl i know, nobody better mess.

@fckdonte: and i really don't care what people know about me. Ahahaha fight me. :)

@theleviathan: @fckdonte donte shut the fuck up

[ohitslevi]

{ the end of an era || lennett }

[bcnnett]

bennett swallowed hard as he tried to differentiate between his thoughts and reality. his mind always had a way of twisting things and spinning them until he destroyed everything around him and was left with nothing, darkness. he was a black hole, sucking the life out of everything including himself. these thoughts, they were what broke him more than anything else he’d faced in his lifetime. then there was what was presented before him in the words levi was speaking. the words he wasn’t sure he could trust. though, he wasn’t sure if that was because once again his head told him not too, that he was undeserving of such things or because it was utter bullshit. “if you loved me more than her we wouldn’t be here right now, would we? be honest with me, if she wanted to be with you right now– if she offered you the chance to be with her, would you? would you forget everything we had and pick mia? because you can’t have us both levi, it’s me or it’s her.” he stated, brushing the moisture from his face. god, he was a fucking mess. he hated this. bennett hated that he’d let his guard down and allowed himself to be vulnerable. it never did him any good. he was ready to build his walls back up. the year was almost finished and he could easily hide himself away, he’d done it before. it was only a couple months until summer vacation and then he really wouldn’t have to face anyone at all. but now was not the time to focus on what he was going to do, first he needed to listen to the boy who still had a firm grip on his heart. bennett loved him, he didn’t have any doubts about it and perhaps that was what hurt the most. despite the way every bone in his body seemed to ache, his heart still hammered at levi’s touch. he still craved being closer. bennett wanted to reach out and wipe the tears off the other’s male’s face and bring back his smile but his heart and his head were telling him two very different things. “fuck you– you can’t break my heart and then say shit like that. it’s not fair, nothing about this is fucking fair.” bennett sniffled as he slowly stepped out of levi’s touch. more than anything he wanted to stay there and let the other take away his pain, but he can’t– he has to learn to deal with the hurt on his own. “loved, you loved me in the past tense. i– i think you should go.” he can’t do it anymore, he can’t stand there and listen to the other male tell him that he loved him when all that’s in the back of his mind is the ways he could have been better ( the ways he could have been more like mia ). “please leave, i can’t– i want to be alone.”

[ohitslevi]

when bennett questioned him, he hesitated. he wasn’t even sure why he did; he knew the answer: of course he wouldn’t go to her. he loved mia, sure, but he loved bennett just as much, if not more. he and bennett had something special and he wasn’t going to give that up for mia. “she told me she liked me.” he mumbled without answering the question, he didn’t want to look at bennett as he spoke, he didn’t want to keep witnessing the pain in his eyes and his face that came with every word he uttered. “when i kissed her a few months ago, she told me she felt something for me -- but i didn’t leave you then, did i?” he asked, his voice quiet but he kept his gaze fixed on the floor, tears blurring his vision. his head snapped up at his words, harsh and angry. he took another deep breath, watching bennett step away from him again. this time levi didn’t try and grab on to him. he just froze in the spot, watching bennett, eyes streaming down his face and all levi wanted to do was hold him until all the pain was gone. when bennett pointed out levi’s use of past tense, levi was going to correct him, he opened his mouth to speak but something stopped him. what would be the point, honestly? bennett wasn’t going to forgive him and frankly levi didn’t deserve it. he was being honest when he said that, he didn’t deserve for bennett to hear him out even though that’s what he had wanted. but when bennett requested he leave, levi looked away, allowing the tears to flow freely and he didn’t bother wiping them away. “benny, i--” he began, choking out a sob but bennett was begging him to leave and after looking at him for a few seconds, levi wordlessly nodded. “i’ll leave.” he said, defeatedly. it was like all the fight in him dissipated, he felt like a deflated balloon. too weak to do anything. to weak to fight back. he just wanted to go home, find something to take away the pain, he recalled that he left his drug stash at his supplier’s house in preparation for the exposure of his secrets. he needed to get them. he needed to experience the high, the euphoria, even if it was falsified. he just needed to not feel how he felt right now. “i’m sorry.” he whispered as he looked at bennett, his heart heavy, sinking down into his stomach “i’m so sorry bennett.” he mumbled again, backing away before turning around and showing himself out.

[ohitslevi]

imessage // bud buddy

logan: hi there, handsome.

logan: you doing okay?

levi: hey i could ask you the same question

levi: i'm hanging in there

[ohitslevi]

{ the end of an era || lennett }

[bcnnett]

bennett found it hard to keep his gaze on the other male, every time he looked over it just reminded him of how foolish he’d been. of course he was never going to be enough for someone as incredible as levi, he wasn’t sure why he thought he even stood a chance. there were so many things that made him not good enough and he was an idiot for believing that those things didn’t matter. he would never stand a chance against mia, or anyone else for that matter. sure, bennett was hurt but mostly he was angry with himself for letting himself think he meant something in the first place. he was a distraction, just someone to use until someone better came along. when he did manage to focus his gaze on the other male he did his best to mask all the hurt. “don’t– i don’t want to hear it.” he choked out, shaking his head. “you don’t get to come in here and tell me how you’re in love with mia and then turn around and tell me you love me. that’s not fair. i don’t want to be the person you settle for. i won’t be your fucking second choice, levi. i can’t– it hurts too much.” the moment he sensed the other trying to come closer, he took a small step back not sure he wanted to be touched. bennett trembled, holding himself rigid in an attempt to keep himself somewhat together. “if it wasn’t a game then what was it? were you sitting back and laughing to yourself as i fell deeper and deeper in love with you, knowing that you’d never be able to return the sentiment?” he scoffed, wrapping his arms tightly around himself.  “no, i don’t understand– if you cared about me you wouldn’t have let me think you loved me.” bennett gasped as levi got closer looking at him through wet, bloodshot eyes. this time he remained still in his spot. “if you love her why did you bother to try with me? i was never going to be good enough for you, i was never going to compare to mia. so, was i just a way to pass the time? to make her jealous and maybe change her mind and want you? you used me for five months to what? try and get over her? god, this just keeps getting better and better. not only are you in love with mia, but i was a stupid fucking experiment to try and get over her. i’m so pathetic. here i was thinking you could actually love me, i opened up to you. i told you about parker and how– fuck.” he was abruptly cut off my a sob in the back of his throat. 

[ohitslevi]

levi didn’t understand. he couldn’t understand. sure, he didn’t expect a positive reaction from this but... was bennett even listening to him at all? “but bennett--” he began, only to be cut off by his boyfriend’s words, sharp, harsh and levi wish he could rewind back time to five minutes ago when they were making out on the couch. his eyebrows furrowed together, watching bennett shake and all levi wanted to do is reach out and hold him, comfort him in any way he can. protect him from harm. but how could he possibly protect the one he loved from getting hurt when he was the one hurting the one he loved. “bennett,” he tried again, resisting the urge to reach out knowing that bennett will just recoil from his touch. “i do love you, i didn’t-- i wasn’t lying when i told you that.” he tried to reason, his voice thick with tears, “bennett, i’m a liar, i know, i haven’t given you reason to believe anything else but believe me when i said i fucking love you more than anything, more than anyone... more than her.” he watched bennett, the redness in his wet eyes. he looked so tired, so done and that’s what scared levi the most. “ because i liked you bennett, from that time we bumped into each other in that coffee shop, i felt connected to you -- it sounds sappy as fuck but it’s true, and i know you felt it too benny.” his voice cracked as he moved closer, reaching to touch bennett’s face with his hand. “i never used you...” he took a deep breath, “not... knowingly, anyway. yes, i wanted to get over her but i liked you and i didn’t want my love for her to stop me from trying to find someone.” he attempted to explain, knowing he was only just digging himself a bigger hole. he shook his head, the tears spilling from his green irises, thick and fast. “fucking hell benny, i do love you. i mean that. i love you so fucking much that’s why i’m telling you this.” he paused, cupping his cheeks, tilting bennett’s chin so they could finally make eye contact. “i hoped you’d know me well enough to know i’m that that person -- i would never use you or manipulate you, babe. and you-- you’re one of the best people i know and it fucking sucks that you keep beating yourself down like this. the truth is benny, i don’t deserve you. i never did and i-- i realize that. you deserve--” his breath caught his his throat and he choked back a sob. “fuck-- bennett you deserve someone who can give you all their love, not just a portion of it, you deserve someone who isn’t so fucked up. so please, please don’t cry over me. i’m not deserving of you tears, benny.” his breathing hitched again. “and you can say whatever you want. i’m a piece of shit, i’m an asshole but, fuck, i loved you a lot bennett and if there’s one thing i want you to take away from this is the fact that i fucking loved you every single day and my love only grew stronger.”

[catalinagunnfulsen]

Keep reading

[ohitslevi]

“I’m not yelling at you.” Levi tried to reason but he could feel himself getting irritated and he knew it wasn’t fair, but he was under a lot of stress and, fuck, he thought being around Stella would help him, focusing on something that wasn’t himself. But she was yelling and he didn’t quite understand that. “I’m horrified, yeah, but I’m not yelling.”

[ohitslevi]

mrloganlane replied to your post:I heard Mia thinks you have a sexy ass.

TROLLS EVERYWHERE

i knew it was you!!!!!!!!!

[ohitslevi]

I heard Mia thinks you have a sexy ass.

You’ve got the wrong twin. Besides, I’m in love with Bennett Roy.

[ohitslevi]

wazzup sexy ass

IM CRYING I WANTED TO ANSWER THIS IC SO BAD

BUT YOU CLARIFIED IT WAS MEANT TO BE ON ANON

IM SAD

[catalinagunnfulsen]

“W-Why am I here? And more importantly, why the fuck are you here?” Stella asked the person who entered the room, giving them a confused glare.

[ohitslevi]

“Your mum told me you were here...” He said quietly, stepping in hesitantly. “What the fuck did you do to yourself, Stell?”

[ohitslevi]

how are you? :(

i’ve had better days. but thank you for asking, it means a lot.

[ohitslevi]

{ the end of an era || lennett }

[ohitslevi]

bcnnett:

with every word that comes from levi’s lips bennett can feel his heart breaking. he doesn’t speak and he doesn’t move, bennett sits motionless, taking it all in. he can’t believe he’d been so stupid. of course he was never going to be enough for the other male. he’d known for a long time that he was rather worthless but this– well, this just confirmed it. it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did because bennett had known it all along ( that he would never be enough ) but it still felt like a knife to the chest. and just like that the room was closing in around him, he was finding it harder and harder to breathe, but he allowed levi to keep talking, to let it all out. when he does finish, bennett feels sick to his stomach and quickly puts as much distance as he can between himself and the other male. “you lied to me,” he choked out, shaking his head. in fact, his whole body was trembling and he couldn’t make it stop. he didn’t want to wear his pain on the outside and he used to be so good at internalizing the things he felt. then, well, levi came along and he changed him. for the better of course, but he also had bennett opening up and believing that maybe he did deserve good things. the joke was on him though, right? in a way this hurt more than his past, with parker he’d expected to be hurt. bennett has always been prepared for a beating, to be yelled at and hurt. he never thought levi would do that too him, would break him. but here they are. bennett knows it’s not right to be comparing the two because they are different, bennett was never once afraid of the other male and he knew it wasn’t levi’s intention to hurt him. but they both broke him just the same, they used him for their own personal reasons and it hurt. it hurt so bloody much. the younger male isn’t sure when he started crying but sure enough there are tears rolling down his cheeks as he struggles to get enough air into his lungs. “you promised me, you’d never hurt me. you promised.” bennett all but screams, pressing his back into the wall. “what does she have that i don’t?” he asked between sobs. “don’t answer that, she’s got everything. you know what, fuck, i’m such an idiot. i don’t– i should never have– was this some kind of sick game for you?”

levi’s instant reaction was to grab bennett, to stop him from moving away from him, but the boy was slipping through his fingers. both literally and metaphorically. there was no mistaking the hurt and betrayal evident in those blue hues, those gorgeous blue eyes levi had falling in love with, glistening with tears and levi could already feel his own filling up too. wiping it away with the back of his wrist, his green eyes trained on bennett. it was one thing seeing the hurt in the other’s eyes, but hearing it in his voice... levi bit down on his lower lip until he drew blood only to stop himself from crying. because, fuck, this was the last thing he ever wanted for bennett. he had made the promise to never hurt him and he fully intended on keeping that promise... which was why he was telling bennett now. himself. but that wasn’t a fair statement to make at all because bennett had every right to be hurt and to be upset. but when bennett spoke, his words were like a balled up fist to his stomach, winding him until levi found it hard to speak -- to breathe. “no.” he managed to choke out. pained, strangled. he took a deep breath, “no, i-- it wasn’t a game, i do love you bennett.” he muttered, standing up and taking a hesitant step towards bennett. “you have to understand that: i love you, i never wanted to hurt you which sounds stupid, but it was the reason i didn’t tell you. fuck, we were together for five months benny.” he took two more steps, long strides so at this point he was only a metre away from the other. “and believe me when i say i’ve never been happier than i was for those months. i--” his breath hitched in his throat as he held back a sob. he swallowed. “i can’t control how i feel about her benny, i’ve tried but fucking hell i can’t do it, i don’t want to love her, you have to understand.” he tried to explain. “i’ve never acted on my feelings -- well, apart from that one time you know about, but fuck it -- i can tell you now it was a task i didn’t-- i thought--” he ran his fingers  through his hair and closed the gap between them. “i thought it would be easier for you to deal with the fact i kissed her more than the fact that i... you know.” he muttered. “it was selfish of me, i realize that but you have to understand, i didn’t want to hurt you and i sure as hell didn’t want to lose you and i know that doesn’t or shouldn’t justify anything but--” he let out a shaky breath, the tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. “you were -- are -- the best thing that ever happened to me i couldn’t... i couldn’t lose you.”

[ohitslevi]

@theleviathan: i'm pretty late but congrats to my brother & mia. happy for you two!