BENNETT ROY

when i leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people

[bcnnett]

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

alright, so this is it hm?? i’m going to start off by leaving my aim and kik because i feel like those are most important?? like if ever any of you want to contact me for any reason at all, whether it be just to chat, if you want to rp, 1x1 or if you just need someone to talk too-- i’ll be there (: 

so, it’s stylesfrick they’re both the same pls keep that in mind ily all x

as for bennett, in the future he’s going to learn to heal in a lot of ways. he’s going to learn not to bottle everything up and maybe even share his story in the form of a novel. of course, he’ll go by a pseudo name because while he’s ready to talk about it and deal with it himself he’s not ready for the world to know what he went through. baby steps. he’ll be the modern day lemony snicket. he’ll get a flat with levi and while things won’t always be easy they’ll make it work and be happier than they’ve ever been before. because who doesn’t want a happily ever after ?? ( bennett was lying when he said he didn’t believe in those ).

right so this is decidedly not goodbye because i refuse to really let this or any of you go. but see you later. that’s cliche. good one aimee. anyway to make it very clear i love each and every single one of you and thank you for all being so lovely. xxxxxxxxxxxx.

[eclipsenoir-deactivated20221002]

[bcnnett]

@b3nn3tt: so.

[bcnnett]

@b3nn3tt: alright.

[bcnnett]

@fckdonte: Nobody's second choice. ✌

[bcnnett]

@b3nn3tt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmrOB_q3tjo

[bcnnett]

@b3nn3tt: nope. not today.

[bcnnett]

@asherdavis: @b3nn3tt nah i want 2

@b3n33tt: @asherdavis alright cool

[thetoglo]

[bcnnett]

↳ INSTAGRAM: @b3nn3tt: uploaded a new photo

wednesday.

❤ 711 LIKES ✐ 38 COMMENTS

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[bcnnett]

imessage // ben the man

logan: right? water is great and everything, but every once in a while I need something sugary and awful for me. and fish can't even get drunk. i'd just jump out of the tank if i were a fish tbh. that's a really interesting thing to wonder, bennett. it's possible, but i doubt those memories would come back to you ;). idk i can be pretty mad, just not all of the time. stop it! you're not pathetic.

logan: i just felt like it was the nice thing to do. i'll be just finne, i'm sure. and so will you. we both got this.

logan: words are cool, yes. eh if so, let me know and i'll give them a talking to. i'm pretty tight with the taco bell staff lmfao how great is that?

bennett: or alcoholic that'll make you forget about all the issues in life for a little while. how sad it must be to be a fish, can they really not get drunk? what if they get drunk off some other substance? i think i'd be content to be a fish, no worries and living in isolation. i could handle it. not mad enough to be a serial killer tbh. right.

bennett: of course. we got this. besides, only a few more months until summer, right? then we'll be able to get away from it all.

bennett: i like them quite a lot. alright deal, we've got it down to a science. you're the muscular one who does all the talking and i'm the little sidekick who gives menacing looks because that's what i'm good at. i'm kind of jealous tbh!!

[charlie-gxoxo]

sinking man { charlie/bennett }

[bcnnett]

After a few long moments, she deflated slightly. Either Bennett wasn’t home, or he was keen on not answering. She strongly suspected it was the latter possibility, but she couldn’t even blame him if it was - whenever she was feeling shitty and out of place, her initial response was to lock herself up away from everyone else, in fear of them seeing her out of element, so how could she blame him? She understood it. Charlie was going to turn around and head back to the hospital, but a split second later, the door was opening, revealing Bennett.

Upon seeing his expression and taking in his appearance, Charlie had to refrain from pulling him into a tight hug and not letting go until all of his pain dissipated, but she knew that wasn’t possible. Instead, she gave him a weak smile, it faltering once she already saw him tearing up. “Hey, Ben…” She mumbled quietly, making her way inside as soon as he offered it to her. Charlie couldn’t wait any longer, only able to allow for him to close the door and turn around before she was pushing past the thick duvet and pulling him into a hug. Affection wasn’t a huge part in their new friendship, but she felt like he needed it. Even the most aloof person needed affection sometimes.

“I’m so sorry…” She whispered, hugging him tightly a few moments longer before pulling back to look at him, her blue eyes glowing with concern. “I just… I wanted to check on you, after I heard.. do you wanna talk about it?”

if he was being honest, he was taken by surprise when he was enveloped in a hug, but he accepted it wrapping his arms around charlie just as tightly. actually, possibly even tighter as he wanted to get the message across that he didn’t want her to let go, not yet. not to mention, he didn’t know it was what he needed until it was happening and he almost melted into the embrace. “thank you,” he mumbled against her shoulder. “i uhm--” he choked out before shaking his head. nope, he wasn’t ready to talk about it, the events all to fresh in his mind.

bennett used the corners of the duvet to wipe at his eyes. “sorry, i’m a fucking mess.” he sighed. “here you are checking up on me and i can’t even manage to be a good host. would you like anything to drink, eat?” bennett questioned as he led the girl further into the house. “i think marie baked cookies this morning?” he offered doing everything and anything to avoid talking about it.

[bcnnett]

.

[ohitslevi]

{ the end of an era || lennett }

[bcnnett]

levi didn’t understand. he couldn’t understand. sure, he didn’t expect a positive reaction from this but… was bennett even listening to him at all? “but bennett–” he began, only to be cut off by his boyfriend’s words, sharp, harsh and levi wish he could rewind back time to five minutes ago when they were making out on the couch. his eyebrows furrowed together, watching bennett shake and all levi wanted to do is reach out and hold him, comfort him in any way he can. protect him from harm. but how could he possibly protect the one he loved from getting hurt when he was the one hurting the one he loved. “bennett,” he tried again, resisting the urge to reach out knowing that bennett will just recoil from his touch. “i do love you, i didn’t– i wasn’t lying when i told you that.” he tried to reason, his voice thick with tears, “bennett, i’m a liar, i know, i haven’t given you reason to believe anything else but believe me when i said i fucking love you more than anything, more than anyone… more than her.” he watched bennett, the redness in his wet eyes. he looked so tired, so done and that’s what scared levi the most. “ because i liked you bennett, from that time we bumped into each other in that coffee shop, i felt connected to you – it sounds sappy as fuck but it’s true, and i know you felt it too benny.” his voice cracked as he moved closer, reaching to touch bennett’s face with his hand. “i never used you…” he took a deep breath, “not… knowingly, anyway. yes, i wanted to get over her but i liked you and i didn’t want my love for her to stop me from trying to find someone.” he attempted to explain, knowing he was only just digging himself a bigger hole. he shook his head, the tears spilling from his green irises, thick and fast. “fucking hell benny, i do love you. i mean that. i love you so fucking much that’s why i’m telling you this.” he paused, cupping his cheeks, tilting bennett’s chin so they could finally make eye contact. “i hoped you’d know me well enough to know i’m that that person – i would never use you or manipulate you, babe. and you– you’re one of the best people i know and it fucking sucks that you keep beating yourself down like this. the truth is benny, i don’t deserve you. i never did and i– i realize that. you deserve–” his breath caught his his throat and he choked back a sob. “fuck– bennett you deserve someone who can give you all their love, not just a portion of it, you deserve someone who isn’t so fucked up. so please, please don’t cry over me. i’m not deserving of you tears, benny.” his breathing hitched again. “and you can say whatever you want. i’m a piece of shit, i’m an asshole but, fuck, i loved you a lot bennett and if there’s one thing i want you to take away from this is the fact that i fucking loved you every single day and my love only grew stronger.”

bennett swallowed hard as he tried to differentiate between his thoughts and reality. his mind always had a way of twisting things and spinning them until he destroyed everything around him and was left with nothing, darkness. he was a black hole, sucking the life out of everything including himself. these thoughts, they were what broke him more than anything else he’d faced in his lifetime. then there was what was presented before him in the words levi was speaking. the words he wasn’t sure he could trust. though, he wasn’t sure if that was because once again his head told him not too, that he was undeserving of such things or because it was utter bullshit. “if you loved me more than her we wouldn’t be here right now, would we? be honest with me, if she wanted to be with you right now-- if she offered you the chance to be with her, would you? would you forget everything we had and pick mia? because you can’t have us both levi, it’s me or it’s her.” he stated, brushing the moisture from his face. god, he was a fucking mess. he hated this. bennett hated that he’d let his guard down and allowed himself to be vulnerable. it never did him any good. he was ready to build his walls back up. the year was almost finished and he could easily hide himself away, he’d done it before. it was only a couple months until summer vacation and then he really wouldn’t have to face anyone at all. but now was not the time to focus on what he was going to do, first he needed to listen to the boy who still had a firm grip on his heart. bennett loved him, he didn’t have any doubts about it and perhaps that was what hurt the most. despite the way every bone in his body seemed to ache, his heart still hammered at levi’s touch. he still craved being closer. bennett wanted to reach out and wipe the tears off the other’s male’s face and bring back his smile but his heart and his head were telling him two very different things. “fuck you-- you can’t break my heart and then say shit like that. it’s not fair, nothing about this is fucking fair.” bennett sniffled as he slowly stepped out of levi’s touch. more than anything he wanted to stay there and let the other take away his pain, but he can’t-- he has to learn to deal with the hurt on his own. “loved, you loved me in the past tense. i-- i think you should go.” he can’t do it anymore, he can’t stand there and listen to the other male tell him that he loved him when all that’s in the back of his mind is the ways he could have been better ( the ways he could have been more like mia ). “please leave, i can’t-- i want to be alone.”

[knightchanges]

07.10

[ohitslevi]

{ the end of an era || lennett }

[bcnnett]

levi’s instant reaction was to grab bennett, to stop him from moving away from him, but the boy was slipping through his fingers. both literally and metaphorically. there was no mistaking the hurt and betrayal evident in those blue hues, those gorgeous blue eyes levi had falling in love with, glistening with tears and levi could already feel his own filling up too. wiping it away with the back of his wrist, his green eyes trained on bennett. it was one thing seeing the hurt in the other’s eyes, but hearing it in his voice… levi bit down on his lower lip until he drew blood only to stop himself from crying. because, fuck, this was the last thing he ever wanted for bennett. he had made the promise to never hurt him and he fully intended on keeping that promise… which was why he was telling bennett now. himself. but that wasn’t a fair statement to make at all because bennett had every right to be hurt and to be upset. but when bennett spoke, his words were like a balled up fist to his stomach, winding him until levi found it hard to speak – to breathe. “no.” he managed to choke out. pained, strangled. he took a deep breath, “no, i– it wasn’t a game, i do love you bennett.” he muttered, standing up and taking a hesitant step towards bennett. “you have to understand that: i love you, i never wanted to hurt you which sounds stupid, but it was the reason i didn’t tell you. fuck, we were together for five months benny.” he took two more steps, long strides so at this point he was only a metre away from the other. “and believe me when i say i’ve never been happier than i was for those months. i–” his breath hitched in his throat as he held back a sob. he swallowed. “i can’t control how i feel about her benny, i’ve tried but fucking hell i can’t do it, i don’t want to love her, you have to understand.” he tried to explain. “i’ve never acted on my feelings – well, apart from that one time you know about, but fuck it – i can tell you now it was a task i didn’t– i thought–” he ran his fingers  through his hair and closed the gap between them. “i thought it would be easier for you to deal with the fact i kissed her more than the fact that i… you know.” he muttered. “it was selfish of me, i realize that but you have to understand, i didn’t want to hurt you and i sure as hell didn’t want to lose you and i know that doesn’t or shouldn’t justify anything but–” he let out a shaky breath, the tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. “you were – are – the best thing that ever happened to me i couldn’t… i couldn’t lose you.”

bennett found it hard to keep his gaze on the other male, every time he looked over it just reminded him of how foolish he’d been. of course he was never going to be enough for someone as incredible as levi, he wasn’t sure why he thought he even stood a chance. there were so many things that made him not good enough and he was an idiot for believing that those things didn’t matter. he would never stand a chance against mia, or anyone else for that matter. sure, bennett was hurt but mostly he was angry with himself for letting himself think he meant something in the first place. he was a distraction, just someone to use until someone better came along. when he did manage to focus his gaze on the other male he did his best to mask all the hurt. “don’t-- i don’t want to hear it.” he choked out, shaking his head. “you don’t get to come in here and tell me how you’re in love with mia and then turn around and tell me you love me. that’s not fair. i don’t want to be the person you settle for. i won’t be your fucking second choice, levi. i can’t-- it hurts too much.” the moment he sensed the other trying to come closer, he took a small step back not sure he wanted to be touched. bennett trembled, holding himself rigid in an attempt to keep himself somewhat together. “if it wasn’t a game then what was it? were you sitting back and laughing to yourself as i fell deeper and deeper in love with you, knowing that you’d never be able to return the sentiment?” he scoffed, wrapping his arms tightly around himself.  “no, i don’t understand-- if you cared about me you wouldn’t have let me think you loved me.” bennett gasped as levi got closer looking at him through wet, bloodshot eyes. this time he remained still in his spot. “if you love her why did you bother to try with me? i was never going to be good enough for you, i was never going to compare to mia. so, was i just a way to pass the time? to make her jealous and maybe change her mind and want you? you used me for five months to what? try and get over her? god, this just keeps getting better and better. not only are you in love with mia, but i was a stupid fucking experiment to try and get over her. i’m so pathetic. here i was thinking you could actually love me, i opened up to you. i told you about parker and how-- fuck.” he was abruptly cut off my a sob in the back of his throat. 

[bcnnett]

@asherdavis: @b3nn3tt ok but if u wanna hang out im availible :)

@b3nn3tt: @asherdavis really? i mean, you don't have to if you don't want too..

[bcnnett]

@asherdavis: @b3nn3tt oh thats cool im gonna use that

@asherdavis: @b3nn3tt do u want me 2 punch him 4 u?

@b3nn3tt: @asherdavis you're welcome

@b3nn3tt: @asherdavis no, i hate violence. so please don't. it's fine. i'll be fine.