sanctuary

not promoting anything | love memes | also sometimes i craft | i have a social anxiety, please be gentle with me

[ohmygodicecream]

i’m going to fast for five days!!

i got kinda lost any sense of responsibility for my weight, been eating hella lot. my weight reached 54 kgs.

gonna reblog this post once every successful day. hope i’ll stay strong.

1 day = 1 emoji

[ohmygodicecream]

💗💗💗💞💞💗💕

🌸

[ohmygodicecream]

[ohmygodicecream]

it’s not good, but i’m starting to hate people that are ok. i’m really bitter that there are functioning at least happy human beings, that can work and don’t panic even while buying coffee in the nearest coffeeshop, that can look other people in the eyes.

i hate my friends. they are so ok and they don’t understand the things i talk about. sometimes i think they are so happy and confident just to spite me.

i’m so toxic oh my god.

[ohmygodicecream]

i think i’m relapsing. i’m forgeting why even i try to recover. it’s like: is it depression? is it bulimia? is it anxiety? when i stop struggling with crippling anxiety i lose the left pieces of motivation to do at least anything. i’m loosing direction, i’m so lost i don’t even know where to start and whether it worth it at all.

i still feel true happiness only when i loose weight. because of all the things i can’t control this one thing i can control at least a bit.

[shopsunflorally]

[ohmygodicecream]

update kinda????

and also a health update for those who somehow (why?) interested.

i keep whining about therapy not working, but truth be told i think there are some positive tendencies. i still can’t fully function and don’t have any will to do even the things i like, but it becomes better. sometimes i even watch movies and read some books. i’m hoping to find the power in myself to maybe start my academic research and continue with learning japanese further. i don’t want to abandon my dreams, but for now i’m still not ready. i hope it will pass soon.

also unintentionally i keep loosing weight. i don’t know why, i’m not cutting calories and eat pretty okay, even though sometimes i don’t want to cook or don’t have appetite.

so far i’m

!TW: weight!

!TW: weight!

!TW: weight!

51.5 kgs now

i don’t have idea whether i want to do anything with my weight or if i want to do anything at all. maybe i’m even glad a bit as it’s my lowest so far, but i’m trying not to concentrate too much on it, only on the things my body wants to consume.

so it’s kinda it.

[ohmygodicecream]

so i was taking pills for my depression and this month i’ve gone traveling and decided not to bring them, but buy abroad, as my prescription can be accepted internationally.

i bought a pack, they looked a bit different though and i thought “ok, maybe i should read instruction”. i learned that i should take them sublinbualy and was like “meh, i hate it, but i probs should, ok yes”

and now guess focking what. my tongue my mouth everything focking burned and i have a nasty scar under my tongue.

it’s both funny and focking tragic

[ohmygodicecream]

so, yeah.

i cried so hard during psych appointment today. i promised i wouldn’t, but couldn’t stop my waterfalls. the therapist was kind and i also got prescription for antidepressants and antianxiety meds.

i’m glad and kinda nervous. can’t stop think what would happen and that i’d have to call my therapist later.

[ohmygodicecream]

i’m going into the therapy tomorrow. it was my own wish, after i’ve decompensated so much since this february. i’ve been bulimic for 5 years, the last 2 of which i was going pretty fine. but i got kinda stressed in february and never got out of this state and ve been (tw!) purging non-stop.

so i, myself, without telling anyone booked appointment with a doctor. i’m really terrified but also kinda????? happy????

it’s my first ever appointment with a psychiatrist/psychotherapist and while i expect the worst, i hope for the best. i hope i won’t get hospitalized.

i write this because i’m really anxious but i have no one else to share with. please share this moment with me.

[ohmygodicecream]

haha sooooo guess my new otp

hmmmm im very self conscious about my art but its been really long since i last posted somhow

also shinsou looks so much like aizawa idk

[ohmygodicecream]

i didn’t binge today

[ohmygodicecream]

part exam done, mood:

i’m a nervous wreck (which is bad, sleep problems hit so hard) but at least somehow when i’m nervous i loose weight even if i eat ‘normaly’ (1400 calories+).

also finally got to 55 kgs. not much but at least something. i’d post bodycheck, but i trigger so hard when taking photos, cause, my gosh, those thighs...

[stay-off-the-hook]

くコ: 彡 くコ: 彡くコ: 彡くコ: 彡くコ: 彡くコ: 彡

Reblog those rainbow gay squids and something good will happen to you

[ohmygodicecream]

heya doll, i just saw ur post about fasting before midterms and yeah it does mess up your memory, i did it 3 days before my last midterms and failed 2 of my three subjects when i usually get good grades. good luck princess xx

hi, and thank you for your help kind words! hope you’ve passed(/will pass) these subjects after all.

good luck to you too!🍀

[celaenas-scarz-deactivated20190]

just one more day

[ohmygodicecream]

body check? not that much thinner, but whatever it takes to remind myself to stop binge sequence. i don’t wanna be back to the first pic.

also new sneakers are rad.