It is a bye bye bye

[ohpleasegoaway]

happy birthday. may your karma greet you by the door

[ohpleasegoaway]

deep inside, I wish it never end that way

[stay-close]

“I break my own heart by expecting people to be as attached to me as I am to them.”

— Unknown

[ohpleasegoaway]

it is 2 years since i resigned and i feel the anger rising up again. the trauma keeps haunting me past few weeks.

it came like something i never forgive.

oh, i never forgive them anyway.

the fucking 2 years i have spent and the additional 2 years i voluntary made because of someone who didnt love me as much as i did. lol. i was so stupid.

4 years in that "golden" cage was wrong decision. little did i know, the scar in me is so deep. i blamed them for whatever they made me into.

i hate them and i dont wanna come back.

[ohpleasegoaway]

I hate you, Bal.

[ohpleasegoaway]

have you ever waken up with swollen eyes?

because you've been crying all night. because the anger, the pain, and the sadness are dwelling into each other so your body could not feel the right emotion.

[ohpleasegoaway]

suara kamu kenapa masih aja ada di kepalaku sih?

[ohpleasegoaway]

kepikiran cut my wrist lagi. wow.

[ohpleasegoaway]

Hayo, ini kantong mata karena memang beneran kurang tidur atau nangisin kamu, Bal?

[ohpleasegoaway]

I have confession to make.

I went to casual dates. Slept here and there. Been loud about self-love. Those are because I still search for your eyes...in others'

[ohpleasegoaway]

Gue tau, gue kejebak dengan the ideas of you ketimbang you as the real person.

I couldnt help it that we, perhaps, could be a couple-goal everyone dream about.

Kita berdua sama-sama cakep. Mau pake baju apa-aja cocok. Sama-sama jago nulis, suka baca pinter dan cerdas, jago bahasa Inggris, tahu gimana caranya mempresentasikan diri.

Oh wow soooo perfect.

Sampe akhirnya gue lupa kalau kita berseberangan ideologi. Gue di kiri, lu di kanan. Gue percaya adanya ketimpangan, lu bilang itu cuma akal-akalan.

Gap antara imaji gue dengan kondisi nyata siapa diri lu terlalu lebar.

Gue tahu kita udah kelar dari kapan tau. Dan yg gue lakukan adalah ngasih makan imaji gue terhadap sosok ideal yg gue harapkan dari lu.

Makanya, ini perasaan kagak beres juga, kan?

[ohpleasegoaway]

yaela Bal. gini aja terus sampe gatau kapan kelarnya.

[ohpleasegoaway]

I miss your brown eyes, Iqbal.

[ohpleasegoaway]

tonight I am crying over you again, Bal.

[ohpleasegoaway]

we were perfect until you said you dont love me anymore.

[ohpleasegoaway]

iqbal tawakal please stop.

[ohpleasegoaway]

I am *that* close to cut my wrist since I got new *plastic* knife.