looks can be deceiving

a blog for threads with enci.

[ohramuses]

jamal​:

Jamal figured what her reply to his question would be, he really did, but hearing Maureen actually say it out loud… that if by some miracle she wouldn’t have moved next door with her daughter - their daughter -, Jamal might have never known about Talia, because really, there was no guarantee that Talia would have ever felt the need to seek him out… It hurt more than he imagined it would.

“Jesus, Maureen, do you even hear yourself?” he couldn’t help asking, rubbing his face in the process. “I get that I made a mistake, but this is a child, you had no right to make this kind of decision, not on a basis of me hurting you.” Hurting her was probably downplaying it and by a lot, but he wasn’t going to get into the gritty details, they weren’t important.

It would have been so easy to hate Maureen for this comment of her. And part of Jamal did, it really did, but it also felt impossible to hate her or tell her that he never wanted to talk to her again after this. It was ridiculous but it felt like they were in this together now, despite Maureen not wanting to have anything to do with him before. It was all complicated and overwhelming and just too much and Jamal didn’t even know what to say to that.

But he didn’t have to, because Maureen continued to talk and Jamal didn’t want to get into the way things went down between them, in his mind there were a lot more important things to discuss, but Maureen obviously thought differently, and for a moment it hit him hard in the chest that she actually thought he would pull the disappearing crap on Talia, too. “What are you even talking about? I would never–” but he stopped, because how could Maureen know? The last memories he left her with were his cold shoulders and him dropping off of the face of the earth and disappearing on her. Of course she was worried about that. They didn’t know each other now, even though in a way it felt like no time has passed. “I would never do that. Not to her, not to– not to anyone. Not again.”

He glanced down at the ground and let out a long sigh before he looked back up at her again. “I know I fucked up there, Maureen, I know I didn’t handle things right, but I’d never pull that shit again. I was wrong to do that in the first place, but I’ve changed. I promise.”

He could see just how deep that fear ran in Maureen, and there was a part of Jamal that wanted to just cross the distance between them and take her into his arm and comfort her, make her believe that he wouldn’t hurt their daughter. But the other side of him was telling him that he shouldn’t feel this. They haven’t been together for years and years, they didn’t even know who they were after all these years. Him trying to comfort her in any way wasn’t an option. “I promise,” he said again instead.

He nodded to her replies. “Time, yes. She needs some time to unpack and get used to her new environment. That sounds like a good plan.” And he needed time to wrap his head around all of this. He tried to put up a front of knowing what the hell is going on, but really, he was just going along with everything. “But not too much time, either, I don’t want her to think… I have no idea how to even tell her, but I don’t want her to think I didn’t tell her for a while because I didn’t want to,” he couldn’t help adding.

▬ 

Knowing the words exchanged had been hard, there was this urge of apologizing for them but she didn’t do it. Maureen wasn’t truly sorry about the perspective she developed in the past; yes, it was selfish, but it was the only way she thought they could be happy. The only way Talia was secure from any pain and heartache that the absence of a father could cause in her life. Perhaps it was easier to never know him instead of knowing and losing him. So, even if it would only hurt more, all she could say was: “It was the decidion I made back in the day. Maybe now it’d be different, but there’s no way to know. There’s no turning back, Jamal.”

And, oh! She wanted to believe he’d never do that again, hold onto every word reaching within herself and accept that melody as the truth. But it was hard when Maureen was still be able to perceive the pain she felt with his sudden absence in her life. The tears that ran dry despite the ache in her chest a couple of week prios her acknowledge of being pregnant from the man who left her. It was hard letting go of the ghosts he left behind, something close to a baggage someone forgot and left for someone else to deal with. Loving him was all she ever wanted to do, and having that being ripped of herself was one of the worst feelings she had ever experienced.

“Okay, thank you.” Yet, she tried to focus on the fact he’d indeed be different when it came to the daughter that was a consequence of their love. Talia deserved it. Even if it was a broken family, she deserved a mother and a father, to experience having another parental figure in her life throughout the rest of the years she had yet to live. And, of course, if he was half of the man he used to be when they were in love and happy, then Maureen would be relieved. It was the man from the last couple of days in their relationship that she’d fear that would return.

Then, Maureen understood she couldn’t keep this from Talia for longer than she had already kept Jamal a secret from their child. Besides Talia knowing a few things about her father, she didn’t know that he was now leaving next door, and Maureen also knew that it’d consume her to let time pass by more than it should without giving that information to the child she loved the most, the young girl she hoped that could see in her mother a best friend as well. 

“Next weekend?” It was easier to set a date, and then time would be both a foe and her enemy. Every minute that passed by was the certainty that soon the bubble of comfort she lived with her daughter would no longer exist, and then she’d have to face Talia’s reaction towards the news. Be ready in case her daughter ended up hating on her for keeping that from her. 

A sigh. This would definitely be harder than she wanted it to. Part of herself was hating the idea of moving to that apartment. One single change, a new chapter brought more drama and things to deal with than Maureen was expecting. “I-- I can do something for us to eat over lunch or over dinner. It’s easier to do this at home, in case she wants to storm out to her room.” In case it’s all too much. “We’ll do right by her. I’ll do right... no more secrets, no more running away. All that matters is her safety and happiness, I promise.” In case he wondered, if she’d find a way to move elsewhere and leave him behind with this new information.

[ohramuses]

dani​:

It was more of a statement that Dani would come to Yasmine’s birthsay party rather than a request, specifying that Yas wouldn’t accept any kind of excuse for not showing up. She didn’t specifically spell it out, but Dani knew her friend meant Zola being there wasn’t accepted as an excuse. Probably because she tried it before.

The first time their friend group went out to have some fun after the divorce, she tried getting out of it because… well, because seeing Zola and being around her and not being able to touch her or share some inside joke with her or even just simply hang out with her like they used to hurt. And she knew she promised to her, to their friends, that she wouldn’t do that, she wasn’t proud of it, but still Dani tried the very first time already. So Laura and Yasmine showed up and dragged her out and it’s been like this ever since, reminding her that “no excuses were allowed”.

What they didn’t realize that somewhere along the line things changed in Dani and instead of focusing on the pain and what she couldn’t do or who she couldn’t have, she focused on the fact that these were the very few times she could actually see Zola and spend some time with her. And maybe she was being pathetic, and their interactions were definitely awkward and not like they used to, but it was something.

(And sometimes there were moments when it felt like maybe it was like old times, but then the moment would end and one of them would look away and she would be reminded that they were divorced now and she was probably turning a simple eye-contact into a lot more than what it was, but those few moments were the highlights of those nights.

So she showed up looking the best she could (after spending way too long of a time deciding what to wear, and if anyone asked, she most certainly did not dress to impress Zola, no, they were being ridiculous) and started with a shot of vodka to help her nerves and from the moment Zola showed up, she was constantly aware of what she as doing, where she was. She really was pathetic.

Yasmine wanted to convince Zola to give a speech, and Dani quietly agreed - Zola was always great with words and speeches came so naturally to her. When Zola mentioned her by name - brought up memories, even -, her eyes snapped at Zola (she was always looking, but mostly from the corner of her eyes, to not make it so obvious) and there it was again - their eyes met and there was that moment that felt like it was just the two of them and as if everything was okay.

And the Zola announced that she should be helping her, and Dani was shaking her head before it even registered to her what was happening. “No, no, you might be good with speechest but you know I’m not,” she tried to protest but their friends were already getting up, nudging her to get up herself and the next thing she knew, instead of sitting relatively across from each other, she was sitting right next to Zola and the girls were cheering and hooting and Yasmine was practically beaming.

“I provide the idea, you provide the words?“ she offered Zola sheepishly, being way too aware of the exact distance between their shoulders as they sat next to each other. “You know I can never write anything as pretty and flowerly as you. But you really should talk about the that hiking trip two years ago. When Yasmine saved that goat. Both funny and heartfelt, that’d kill as a birthday speech.“

Zola knew that she didn’t have to put such attention on Dani as well about the speech, but perhaps this was just her way of craving to have the other woman in the spotlight, to know that they’d be able to engage in conversations about a silly act such as a speech for Yasmine. 

She just wasn’t aware that her friends would end up encouraging Dani to change seats. Her eyes widened while Zola tried to keep a smile on her lips, an act of reassurance that this was okay. That they didn’t cause her heart to beat faster or that that was the moment she felt her throat getting dry as she was searching for the closest drink to take a sip from. Was it hers? Zola didn’t even thought about that. 

Zola couldn’t think about anything else while her eyes were following Dani’s every move; taking into account the clothes she was wearing, the spots of skin that were shown and reminded Zola of every single time her lips travelled there and how much she missed the softness of Dani’s skin. A sigh.

Get out of your head, Zola Steyn. She thought to herself, specially when Dani was finally sitting right next to her. “And here we go,” she stated playfully, knowing that it was for the best to focus entirely on the speech instead of overthinking the lack of distance between each other. At the mention of not being that great with speeches, Zola laughed. “Some people are better with actions and that’s okay too,” those were words she only shared with Dani hoping that no one was paying too much attention on them going through a conversation. If she didn’t want to read into this more than she should, hopefully her friends wouldn’t do that either. 

Zola wished she was better with actions, perhaps it would’ve helped them when they ended up agreeing to have a divorce. Or maybe this was meant to be: breaking up, moving on to someone else in the future, heading different ways. Even if, deep inside her mind, none of that sounded right at all.

Oh. The goat. Of course, that was indeed a great idea. How they worked great together! “Right, that’s perfect! Thank you, bab– Dani.” Before she’d have a glimpse if Dani noticed she almost used an endearing term instead of the woman’s name, Zola was already standing up. 

Clinking a cutlery against the glass of champagne she had in her hand, a round of champagne Yasmine had provided for the speech, she had her attention now on the birthday girl. “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” Once she noticed eyes on her, she finally started. “I have to begin by saying this was Dani’s idea so if this turns out to be a good speech, it’s because of her.” She looked at Dani, sharing a grin before her attention was once again at Yasmine. “Here’s the kind of friend who’ll threaten you if you don’t come to her birthday party, that will fight anyone who tries to hurt you. That seeks constantly to share her love with those she care about, and it has once been extended to a goat during a hiking trip. This is how big her heart is, she can’t see another being going through pain or suffering, she’s light and she’ll do what she can to provide that light to others in her life and for that we thank you, Yas. Happy birthday! May you continue being the sun that you are, to yourself and to all of us.”

Once she was done with the speech, she waited for the applause to murmur a thank you and take a bow. Taking a sip from her drink, she waited for Yasmine who moved up to hug her before Zola was finally, once again, sitting next to Dani. “I’m still good at this,” she joked. “Hey... how are you?”

[ohramuses]

jamal:

Maureen knowing that she should have told him about Talia both helped and not helped at all for Jamal. He appreciated that she didn’t try to turn it into something that was okay, that made sense, but if she knew, why didn’t she reach out to him? He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

And then she brought up how much he hurt her, and she was right, of course Maureen was right and it made sense that after the way things ended between them, she didn’t try her hardest to reach out to him, but for Jamal it just made him angrier. Both at himself and her, too. But in that moment it was easier to direct that anger towards her, and ignore the apology altogether.

“Okay, sure, you made an emotional decision based on the pain, but that’s been over a decade now, Maureen,” he pointed it out. “Why didn’t you try to find me since then?” He changed his phone number at some point, he knew that, but both his mom and his sister had the same phone number, and he couldn’t remember exactly, but he would have bet at some point Maureen had at least one of them.

And he couldn’t help but wonder… “Would you have ever told me about her?” he asked, his head ducked down, his voice quiet - he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer or not. This was all purely by chance. If Maureen moved somewhere else with Talia, they might have never ran into each other and then Jamal would have never known. And he might have only known for a couple of minutes, but even the prospect of never knowing he had a daughter felt impossible and too much.

When Maureen started talking about what she told Talia, though, warmed his heart. They were simple things, basic things, but hearing that his daughter wanted to dabble in sport because he used to play baseball? That was so sweet and he couldn’t help the small smile on his lips.

“We didn’t get to the introduction part yet, to be honest. Just opened the door for her and then came upstairs, it wasn’t that long of a conversation, but she seemed really nice. I– man, I’m both terrified and excited to met her properly.”

He leaned more towards the terrified in that moment, though. He was suddenly very much aware of just how many different ways could he screw things up, how many possible ways she could not like him and just how many ways all of this could go up in flames.

“How is this going to work, Maureen?” He wasn’t really sure himself. “Do you have a timeline? A plan? Any advice? Anything?”

Maureen knew that she could’ve and should have contacted him throughout all those years. She would have that remembrancce from time to time, when Talia had her first steps, when she first asked about her father, every single year Father’s day would approach and it’d sting a little that Maureen was the one to blame for Talia spending that day without Jamal. Which was the reason why when his question reached her, while she was expecting it, she didn’t want to answer. She didn’t want to share out loud she had chosen selfishly to keep Talia apart from her father. Perhaps it was fear of losing Talia, or that everything would change but it wouldn’t be for the best.

What if he had walked away from Talia like he had done with her?

“I just didn’t. And no, I wouldn’t,” it was for the best to share the truth. Even if it made him hate her more. “I’d leave that option for her, when she became old enough to make this choice by herself.”

She finally moved away from the counter, leaving her mug on top of it as she stood closer to him but still giving him enough of personal space. “You can hate me, you can blame me for all of this and I’ll take it. You can even tell that you’d like to never talk to me again unless we’re in front of Talia, whatever helps, I’ll do it. Just know that though the past can’t change, there’s now and, above it all, the future. And you can still have so many great memories with her.”

After all, a child wasn’t someone who you could let go of once you were tired of dealing with it. Sometimes it was tough being a mother, sometimes when Talia was just a toddler, she’d cry with her baby on her arms, afraid, hopeless, alone; at least for a few years. Still, it was challenging but it was all worth it. “And keep in that if you’re in, you’re all in. You can’t pull that...” and by that she meant what Maureen went through with him, “on her. I swear, Jamal, just–  don’t hurt this child.” 

It was nervewrecking because this wasn’t a situation Maureen could control, she could only orchestraetd to be the best way possible for every role that was part of the scenario. However, just by hearing that he was excited to meet her made her feel more comfortable with the situation, even if for him perhaps it wasn’t like that.

“She’s the best. Talia’s so full of life and curious and she makes me feel lighter and perceive as life in a better perspective. I’m trying to prepare myself for the fact that she won’t be very fond of me the moment she finds out. I can take your frustrations and anger, I do, but hers...” and there it was, the emotions, she cleaned a tear before it’d stream down her face. “It’ll shatter me.”

Her hands were moved inside of her jeans’ pockets before she finally replied to what seemed the questions that would change everything. “No, I don’t. But, let us at least unpack, so she can feel more at home now. Talia’s still a little hurt that she won’t see her school friends everyday, so one change at a time. And, my advice is to be yourself. I’m sure she’ll love you.”

[ohramuses]

@queenofhcpes​

The moment Zola received a text from Yasmin telling her that she demmanded her friend’s presence at her birthday party, Zola actually laughed. Despite what her friends would think, Zola would never miss any events with friends in common just because Dani would be there. In fact, and that was something she’d never share with them, part of herself wanted to go mostly because there was a chance Dani would be there. 

It was also during those events that Zola would overthink her looks, check herself in the mirror countless times before stepping out of her apartment to meet her friends. And once she was there, all the anxiety she’d feel would seem pointless; because she’d always have fun and she’d always forget what was worrying her to begin with.

Zola was there, for her friend’s happiness. Her eyes searched for her ex-wife through the crowd when she spotted the table Yasmin had reserved at the bar. She shared a weak smile with everyone and a wave before reaching closer. The excitement from her group of friends was contagious and soon she was finding out that they had ordered a round of tequila shots for everyone at the table, which now included her.

While they were waiting for their order, Yasmin was constantly asking Zola for a speech about how amazing the birthday girl was, because she needed a boost for her ego. “Yas, baby, we all know how precious and amazing you are, do you really need me to embarrass myself in front of everyone?” She questioned, receiving a nod in return. Zola was merely joking, she had no problems with it. Never did. “Okay, if you really, really want me to, I’ll need that tequila first. I need to read the crowd so I’ll come up with such an emotional speech, strangers will cry. Dani knows, I’ve embarrassed her plenty of times while sharing words of affirmation in public.” She smiled, knowing that talking about her relationship was inevitable, it was a natural act.

Watching as the drinks were finally there, she grabbed one by one to hand them to everyone before she eventually reached for Dani, her eyes reaching for hers which almost seemed like Zola had been able to lose herself there for an eternity. “Hey, you. You know what? Dani should help me at that speech.” 

[ohramuses]

Jamal​:

The moment Maureen started talking, all Jamal saw was her and all he focused on was the words she spoke. It was overwhelming, to hear everything coming out of Maureen’s lips - his head was spinning, he felt his heart beating in his throat as if he sprinted for several hours instead of a 30 minutes long jog and he just tried taking everything in while not looking like the biggest, stupidest idiot.

(He probably still looked like that.)

He had a daughter. A thirteen, almost fourteen years old daughter called Talia. A little girl who wasn’t so little anymore because he missed the first almost fourteen years of her life. He wasn’t there for the birth, wasn’t there to see her firth steps, send her off to school for the first time, didn’t know what kind of movies she liked or what kind of sports she liked, if she liked any. She didn’t know anything aside from that little glimse that he got of her a few minutes ago and what little Maureen now told him about her.

“You should have told me,” he said quietly, rubbing his face once again. It was a bad nervous tick of his, one he occasionally also did when he didn’t know what else to do, and both very much applied in this moment. “I know I didn’t answer, but you should have tried harder. Jesus, Maureen, it’s a kid, not just a forgotten sweater or something.”

He wasn’t being fair, a tiny part of his brain told him - he could have answered when Maureen called or he could have called back, made sure everything was okay and learn about the woman’s pregnancy - but Jamal didn’t really care about being fair in that moment. He kept thinking about all the things he missed and wasn’t there for and how there was this huge thing in his life that he didn’t know about all this time.

“No matter what happened between us,” or how big of an asshole I was, he added the thought just in his head, “I should have known. And I would have been there. I would have wanted to be there.” Though who knows in what state. Maybe it would have been exactly the thing he needed to pull himself out of his ass and got himself together and maybe he could have realized the mistakes he made before it was too late and all three of their lives would have been very different now, but he could have just as easily been the shittiest, most distant dad who made more promises than he could have ever kept over the years while he got back on his feet. There was no way of knowing.

He put the mug down onto the counter - the coffee untouched in it -, and turned his entire body now towards Maureen. “I understand that you have to… well, you can’t just dump all of this on her, but I want to meet her. Properly. Be part of her life. Figure out how this could work at all. Don’t worry about how I’ll take it, whatever pace you want to set, I’ll be there.”

There was a lot to figure out, he needed to sort all of this out and figure out what all of this meant for his life, but at the same time he felt a desperate kind of rush that came from missing so much already. He didn’t want to miss anymore.

He cleared his throat. “Did you– you know, tell anything about me? Did she ever ask anything?”

Though her attention was able to focus on his body language, signs of Jamal being nervous in the midst of the situation they were in, she couldn’t allow her thoughts to navigate to that path. Or else, it’d only make all of this even harder as her mind would ackowledge that despite all these years there was still familiarity between both of them.

Maureen was trying so hard not to sound frustrated, because she knew she was one to blame and could never excuse herself from the situation. There were plenty what ifs that had gone through her mind ever since the moment she decided to let go of the idea of searching for him. “I know. I know all of that!” She finally replied, “I was alone, scared and young. I’ve made mistakes that are beyond repair, I can’t turn back time and if I could, know that I would. I’d love Talia to have her father ever since the beginning of all of this, and–” fuck. Her voice was trembling, which meant she had to be able to control her emotions. She didn’t want to cry in front of him.

Everytime the thought of calling him, texting or even searching for him through social media crossed her mind she wondered if they’d eventually become a family once he knew the truth. Countless times she had her phone against her ear while possibilities would cross her mind: if maybe they’d get back together and Talia would be able to grow old with her parents right next to her. If he would never want anything to do with her daughter and searching for him would only cause Talia more pain and confusion. The odds could be in her favor, but they also could not. And that fear was always what made Maureen give up of trying again.

“This won’t change anything, but I am sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder,” she now had her arms crossed in front of her chest, a sign of trying to shield herself from all of that. “I didn’t deserve the way you treated me either.” Maureen didn’t want to dwell on that either, but since they were being honest, there was no harm at sharing it. 

“I loved you so much, Jamal. The silent treatment was... hurtful. I was vulnerable, I, I don’t know what else to say but I’ve reacted, impulsively, but I did.”

And once he agreed to give time to share who he truly was with Malia she felt relief roaming through her body. And the fact, he wanted to be there for Talia, made Maureen feel even worse. Because there was a high chance he’d indeed react like that in the past and everything would’ve been easier. Reasons why for all of this words she only shared a nod, focusing on what was said after that. 

“I told her about you. I told her you’re a great man, that you made me happy for as long as we were together, how caring and smart you were. I told her you were into sports and I think that’s why she’s been bugging me to do something in that field. But I didn’t share your name, so in case you introduced yourself to her right now, she wouldn’t be able to connect the dots.” Maureen knew that the moment Talia discovered his name, she’d try to find him through the internet and that wouldn’t be the wisest way of dealing with all of this. Not that this was wise, it wasn’t... at all.

“But she had and still has a lot of questions, it’ll be nice to hear an answer from you instead of me.” . 

[ohramuses]

Jamal​:

Jamal couldn’t tell if Talia started questioning anything. He didn’t know the girl, he didn’t know what her tells were, what kind of signs he should be looking for - all he saw was the embarrassment she showed when Maureen showed some of her affection. It seemed such a typical response, he couldn’t help the tick of his lips upward.

Not that he really knew anything about teens and what was and wasn’t typical. His sister had two twin boys, but they were barely 3 years old, and aside from when he was a teenager himself, he didn’t really deal with them. He worked with kids - he coached baseball in kindergarten and elementary school part time, but kids at that age were completely different from how teens were.

If he wasn’t sure about Talia yet - and he wasn’t, he couldn’t, because it just didn’t make any sense and wrapping his head around the fact that he had a teenage daughter he didn’t know about all these years felt impossible -, Maureen sending the girl away and then telling him that they needed to talk, sealed the deal. There was no way she would be this serious about everything if she just wanted to reassure him that he was in fact not the father. She could have easily done that with a single sentence, but no, they needed to talk.

Jesus. This was not at all how he imagined today was going to go.

He rubbed his face, trying to unjumble all the thoughts that were rushing through his head, barely registering that even now Maureen was trying to be considerate and trying to make sure he isn’t in a situation where he has to explain a kid not on his own terms to anyone. The truth was, he didn’t have anyone, not right now - he tried, over the years he had more or less serious relationships, but nothing really stuck for the long term -, but even if he had anyone waiting for him in the apartment, he probably wouldn’t have bothered. He was in too big of a shock about everything to think about something like this.

“Coffee, sure, why not,” he mumbled and he turned around, fumbled with his keys to open his door and stepped aside to let Maureen inside.

Once he closed the door behind them, he led the way to the kitchen silently, his mind never stopping for a moment. He had a coffee machine in there - it didn’t make the best coffee he’s ever had, but he liked it, and without even truly realizing he was doing it, he made coffee for Maureen the way she used to drink it. He offered it to her and leaned back against the kitchen counter, holding onto his own coffee mug to help ground himself.

“So, she’s mine, right?” He didn’t really see any point beating around the bush anymore. “I’m not doing the math wrong, right? She looks around 13, which fits, and…” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, rubbing his forehead once again before letting out a sigh and looking at the woman. “Is she my daughter?”

Maureen debated inside her head, if she should just dig a hole and drag herself into it after she asked them to have coffee so she could tell him how all these years she had been raising their kid, the one he had no knowledge of. And once, he accepted the idea of a coffee, part of herself felt relieved but another part just got even more anxious towards the situation. Besides, she probably looked horrible, she had been dragging boxes upstairs for a few hours before she found Jamal was her neighbor next door.

But did her looks mattered so much? Okay, Maureen just focus. She sighed, a weak smile resting on her lips before she followed him inside, texting Talia to let her know that it would take her awhile to head inside the apartment but to call in case she needed something.

She waited. Maureen took the time he was preparing some coffee for the both of them to take the entire situation in. To have a glimpse of his apartment and the man in front of her. To be quite honest, she was just waiting for the moment she’d find out she had fallen asleep inside of her new apartment with Talia and she’d figure out this was just her brain coming up with a new dream of having his presence once again inside her life, just like her mind usually did once in awhile ever since they headed different ways. If it wouldn’t be weird, she’d try to touch his arm or feel the brush of his hand against hers, just to make sure that Jamal was, indeed, real.

And then, once he reached back to her with a coffee mug, she murmured a thank you. Taking a sip from the warm drink while he questioned her what was probably the obvious now. At first, no words left her mouth, just a nod, while she was trying to come up with the right words to share with him. If there were any. 

“She’s thirteen, soon to be fourteen. Her birthday is coming up soon,” resting the mug on top of the counter, her gaze rested on him so not only he would have her full attention but she’d demmand the same action in return. “Her name is Talia Daisy and, yes. She is your daughter. I know this is probably what you weren’t expecting and I never meant to turn your world upside down all of a sudden, trust me. I...” Maureen stopped for a second, just so she could have another sip from her coffee, making sure her throat wasn’t so dry that words wouldn’t be properly shared.

“The moment I knew that I was pregnant, I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. I’m not trying to excuse the fact that I didn’t find a way to contact you through all of these years, but I was afraid. I was young, pregnant and we didn’t have the best ending in the world. I didn’t know how you’d react, and I took the unanswered calls as a sign to leave it be,” as words would leave her mouth, memories would come to surface about a time that became so hard and so precious at the same proportion. “I didn’t know we would be neighbors, this was never the way I wanted you to know about Talia and vice-versa. She’s a beautiful, extroverted girl who loves making friends and if you’d like to be part of her life, I won’t be oppose to it. I’ll just have to approach her about this situation in a more sensitive way.”

And she hoped he’d understand. “You also should take your time to take this all in, okay?” She wanted to reach for him, hold his hand. But she didn’t know how he’d react after all of this information and they weren’t close anymore for her to have this kind of actions. So Maureen remained in the same position she had been during the conversation; even forgetting about the coffee mug resting between her hands.

[ohramuses]

Jamal​:

Jamal heard the voice before he saw the woman’s face, but there was no need for any kind of visual to know exactly who would show up. He knew this voicelike the back of his hand, despite haven’t hearing it for over a decade at this point. Despite how he believed he would never hear it again. He probably would have deserved it, too, after the way he ended things.

Not that he had time to dwell on anything, because suddenly there she was and Jamal was sure his surprise was all over his face. And yet Maureen seemed unfazed - then again, why should she be fazed at all, she moved on with her life, left everything in the past and now she had a daughter.

A daughter.

She had a daughter.

Jamal’s eyes snapped back onto the girl, Talia, and he was looking at her with a completely different light now while the girl asked her mother if the two of them knew each other. Because Talia was in her teens. He was hard at determining age just by looking at kids, so he could be off, but she seemed right around the age to be…

But no, that couldn’t possibly be. Maureen would have told him. No matter how he left, she would have told him, right?

She could have moved on quickly, or have a hookup that resulted in pregnancy. For a moment he thought maybe she cheated, but he quickly pushed that thought out of his head because Maureen wasn’t like that, their relationship back then wasn’t like that.

Maureen confirming that they knew each other back in college snapped Jamal out of the daze he was in and he slipped his hands into his pocket as he nodded. “It’s been at least thirteen, fourteen years, yeah.” He couldn’t help it, from the corner of his eyes, he was watching Talia, just to see her reaction, if she puts anything together.

“Been doing good, I guess I can’t complain. What about– you? I see you have a daughter.” A pause. “You have a daughter.” Jesus he couldn’t just ask her if this was his child, not in front of the girl. That would be… that would not come off well, he assumed. That’s the kind of information you had during some kind of serious discussion, not at a random chance encounter in the middle of the hallway of your new apartment. Especially because he couldn’t even know for sure it was true, even if his gut was telling him that there was no other explanation.

Internally Maureen was applauding her composure the moment she had faced the situation she was in; perhaps the whole reason why the turmoil of feelings within herself hadn’t reached Jamal was mostly because there was someone else in that scenario: her daughter. In fact, Maureen wondered if the moment he shared how long it had been ever since they were in each others lives, Talia would start wondering. All these years the young child was always wondering who was her father, what was he like, his name, whereabouts. And Maureen managed to do her best. She held no grudges over him, so she tried to share details and what she loved the most about him, but still, the memories hurted. The way he let go of everything they once had hurted her.

“I do, Talia’s the best thing that has ever happened to me,” and it was inevitable of her not to bring the young teen closer while wrapping her arm around her shoulders and kissing the top of her forehead. “Mom!” That was exactly the only thing that made Maureen smile at that moment: Talia's embarrassment.

And she could feel it. He was probably questioning the entire situation already, one that Maureen never wanted to hide; in fact, she had searched for him the moment she found out about the pregnancy. It was just harder now to share it all when Talia was big enough to understand everything her mother and father had been through. “Hey, baby girl. Why don’t you get inside so you can start unpacking your stuff and check your new room, huh?” She questioned Talia, who was already focused on her phone, unattached from the tension that was set in that corridor. At least, a tension that was definitely within Maureen.

As Talia was no longer closer, Maureen moved her fingers through her hair brushing it back, before her eyes glanced to meet his. It almost felt her heart would come out of her chest, beating faster than usual. “Okay, we should– we should talk.”

That was a horrible start, but there was no way Maureen would get inside the apartment and start a new phase in her life with lies. “I’d invite you over, but I prefer if we could have this conversation by ourselves at first.” And that was when it hit her. She didn’t know a thing about him, ever since they broke up and she lost contact, Jamal became her past, one that was too hard to forget. He could be married, have a significant other. He could have a family and, while it didn’t seem like the Jamal she had known, perhaps he wouldn’t like to be part of Talia’s life at all. “We could just grab a cup of coffee in case you don’t live by yourself. I don’t want to cause any awkward situation.”

[queenofhcpes]

[ @ohramuses​ ]

It took some time after his accident for Jamal to get back into doing any kind of sports, even if it wasn’t baseball. At this point it’s been a long while and he picked up the habit of going for a run once or twice a week when he didn’t go into the hardware store right in the morning. He never did too much, which is something he had to learn the painful way.

He was coming back from a thirty minute run of his when he saw a girl (first he thought she was around 8-9 from the distance but then realizes she was at least in her early teens as he got closer) with a box in her hand, trying to get into his building. He heard that the apartment against his was bought recently, so he figured they must be finally moving in.

“Hey, hold on, let me help,“ he said as he got closer and rushed up to open the door for the girl who was struggling to do it with her hands’ full.

“Thanks,“ the girl said with a smile.

“Anytime. Moving into 2b?” Just because he thought that is what happened, he also figured he’d check. He did see a moving truck not so far from their building, though, so he figured he was correct on his assumption.

The girl gave him a wary look, and Jamal immediately realized how his question must have sounded creepy, not to mention he was following the girl up the stairs. He raised his hands in a defensive pose. “I like in 2a, I know the previous owner sold the place, so it was a guess, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, though.”

A beat of silence and then the girl nodded. “Yeah, my mom and I are just moving in there.”

“Well, welcome to the place, hope you’ll like it here. If you need any help with the moving or the place around here, I’m across from you guys, so don’t be afraid to knock.“

[ohramuses]

Maureen was grabbing the last few boxes back in the truck before she told her daughter to head upstairs. There was nothing else Talia could grab at that point, nothing that would be light enough for the young teen to feel thrilled to do so. In fact, Maureen was thinking that Talia was probably glad that she was excused from that task. 

When Maureen finally reached the floor where their apartment was set. She heard a voice before it had a face. So don’t be afraid to knock. Talia was talking to someone, and while a part of herself had been attentive because her young daughter was talking to a man, she couldn’t help but catch familiarity in the tone. “Talia, who are you talking to?” She questioned before she was even close to her daughter.

And it was when her eyes reached him that she had to find all the strength within herself not to let any of those boxes meet the ground with the help of gravity. “Ja–” Opening the door from the apartment, Maureen decided to let go of what she had on her hands first before dealing with the situation. Though, part of herself just wanted to get inside, close the door and avoid it.

She could feel her daughter’s eyes on her before she heard Talia questioning: “Do you know each other?” And before Maureen would share any words, she nodded in agreement to that question.

What were the odds? After all this time, when she was in peace with the idea of raising Talia by herself. “Talia, honey, this is Jamal. We went to college together. We... yes, we know each other.” It was almost like there was no escape from that situation. Unless Jamal was horrible at math. Everything was indeed challenging. “It’s been awhile, huh? How’ve you been?” She would definitely avoid the elephant in the room while she could. Maureen definitely would do that.