the queen of wishful thinking

Be my singing lesson Be my song When I tell you I'm falling You tell me I'm strong A 1x1 Mumu RP blog, main blog: chittockwrites

[ohramuses]

jamal:

Maureen knowing that she should have told him about Talia both helped and not helped at all for Jamal. He appreciated that she didn’t try to turn it into something that was okay, that made sense, but if she knew, why didn’t she reach out to him? He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

And then she brought up how much he hurt her, and she was right, of course Maureen was right and it made sense that after the way things ended between them, she didn’t try her hardest to reach out to him, but for Jamal it just made him angrier. Both at himself and her, too. But in that moment it was easier to direct that anger towards her, and ignore the apology altogether.

“Okay, sure, you made an emotional decision based on the pain, but that’s been over a decade now, Maureen,” he pointed it out. “Why didn’t you try to find me since then?” He changed his phone number at some point, he knew that, but both his mom and his sister had the same phone number, and he couldn’t remember exactly, but he would have bet at some point Maureen had at least one of them.

And he couldn’t help but wonder… “Would you have ever told me about her?” he asked, his head ducked down, his voice quiet - he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer or not. This was all purely by chance. If Maureen moved somewhere else with Talia, they might have never ran into each other and then Jamal would have never known. And he might have only known for a couple of minutes, but even the prospect of never knowing he had a daughter felt impossible and too much.

When Maureen started talking about what she told Talia, though, warmed his heart. They were simple things, basic things, but hearing that his daughter wanted to dabble in sport because he used to play baseball? That was so sweet and he couldn’t help the small smile on his lips.

“We didn’t get to the introduction part yet, to be honest. Just opened the door for her and then came upstairs, it wasn’t that long of a conversation, but she seemed really nice. I– man, I’m both terrified and excited to met her properly.”

He leaned more towards the terrified in that moment, though. He was suddenly very much aware of just how many different ways could he screw things up, how many possible ways she could not like him and just how many ways all of this could go up in flames.

“How is this going to work, Maureen?” He wasn’t really sure himself. “Do you have a timeline? A plan? Any advice? Anything?”

Maureen knew that she could’ve and should have contacted him throughout all those years. She would have that remembrancce from time to time, when Talia had her first steps, when she first asked about her father, every single year Father’s day would approach and it’d sting a little that Maureen was the one to blame for Talia spending that day without Jamal. Which was the reason why when his question reached her, while she was expecting it, she didn’t want to answer. She didn’t want to share out loud she had chosen selfishly to keep Talia apart from her father. Perhaps it was fear of losing Talia, or that everything would change but it wouldn’t be for the best.

What if he had walked away from Talia like he had done with her?

“I just didn’t. And no, I wouldn’t,” it was for the best to share the truth. Even if it made him hate her more. “I’d leave that option for her, when she became old enough to make this choice by herself.”

She finally moved away from the counter, leaving her mug on top of it as she stood closer to him but still giving him enough of personal space. “You can hate me, you can blame me for all of this and I’ll take it. You can even tell that you’d like to never talk to me again unless we’re in front of Talia, whatever helps, I’ll do it. Just know that though the past can’t change, there’s now and, above it all, the future. And you can still have so many great memories with her.”

After all, a child wasn’t someone who you could let go of once you were tired of dealing with it. Sometimes it was tough being a mother, sometimes when Talia was just a toddler, she’d cry with her baby on her arms, afraid, hopeless, alone; at least for a few years. Still, it was challenging but it was all worth it. “And keep in that if you’re in, you’re all in. You can’t pull that…” and by that she meant what Maureen went through with him, “on her. I swear, Jamal, just–  don’t hurt this child.” 

It was nervewrecking because this wasn’t a situation Maureen could control, she could only orchestraetd to be the best way possible for every role that was part of the scenario. However, just by hearing that he was excited to meet her made her feel more comfortable with the situation, even if for him perhaps it wasn’t like that.

“She’s the best. Talia’s so full of life and curious and she makes me feel lighter and perceive as life in a better perspective. I’m trying to prepare myself for the fact that she won’t be very fond of me the moment she finds out. I can take your frustrations and anger, I do, but hers…” and there it was, the emotions, she cleaned a tear before it’d stream down her face. “It’ll shatter me.”

Her hands were moved inside of her jeans’ pockets before she finally replied to what seemed the questions that would change everything. “No, I don’t. But, let us at least unpack, so she can feel more at home now. Talia’s still a little hurt that she won’t see her school friends everyday, so one change at a time. And, my advice is to be yourself. I’m sure she’ll love you.”

[queenofhcpes]

Jamal figured what her reply to his question would be, he really did, but hearing Maureen actually say it out loud... that if by some miracle she wouldn’t have moved next door with her daughter - their daughter -, Jamal might have never known about Talia, because really, there was no guarantee that Talia would have ever felt the need to seek him out... It hurt more than he imagined it would.

“Jesus, Maureen, do you even hear yourself?” he couldn’t help asking, rubbing his face in the process. “I get that I made a mistake, but this is a child, you had no right to make this kind of decision, not on a basis of me hurting you.” Hurting her was probably downplaying it and by a lot, but he wasn’t going to get into the gritty details, they weren’t important.

It would have been so easy to hate Maureen for this comment of her. And part of Jamal did, it really did, but it also felt impossible to hate her or tell her that he never wanted to talk to her again after this. It was ridiculous but it felt like they were in this together now, despite Maureen not wanting to have anything to do with him before. It was all complicated and overwhelming and just too much and Jamal didn’t even know what to say to that.

But he didn’t have to, because Maureen continued to talk and Jamal didn’t want to get into the way things went down between them, in his mind there were a lot more important things to discuss, but Maureen obviously thought differently, and for a moment it hit him hard in the chest that she actually thought he would pull the disappearing crap on Talia, too. “What are you even talking about? I would never--” but he stopped, because how could Maureen know? The last memories he left her with were his cold shoulders and him dropping off of the face of the earth and disappearing on her. Of course she was worried about that. They didn’t know each other now, even though in a way it felt like no time has passed. “I would never do that. Not to her, not to-- not to anyone. Not again.”

He glanced down at the ground and let out a long sigh before he looked back up at her again. “I know I fucked up there, Maureen, I know I didn’t handle things right, but I’d never pull that shit again. I was wrong to do that in the first place, but I’ve changed. I promise.”

He could see just how deep that fear ran in Maureen, and there was a part of Jamal that wanted to just cross the distance between them and take her into his arm and comfort her, make her believe that he wouldn’t hurt their daughter. But the other side of him was telling him that he shouldn’t feel this. They haven’t been together for years and years, they didn’t even know who they were after all these years. Him trying to comfort her in any way wasn’t an option. “I promise,” he said again instead.

He nodded to her replies. “Time, yes. She needs some time to unpack and get used to her new environment. That sounds like a good plan.” And he needed time to wrap his head around all of this. He tried to put up a front of knowing what the hell is going on, but really, he was just going along with everything. “But not too much time, either, I don’t want her to think... I have no idea how to even tell her, but I don’t want her to think I didn’t tell her for a while because I didn’t want to,” he couldn’t help adding.

[queenofhcpes]

ZOLA.

Zola knew that she didn’t have to put such attention on Dani as well about the speech, but perhaps this was just her way of craving to have the other woman in the spotlight, to know that they’d be able to engage in conversations about a silly act such as a speech for Yasmine. 

She just wasn’t aware that her friends would end up encouraging Dani to change seats. Her eyes widened while Zola tried to keep a smile on her lips, an act of reassurance that this was okay. That they didn’t cause her heart to beat faster or that that was the moment she felt her throat getting dry as she was searching for the closest drink to take a sip from. Was it hers? Zola didn’t even thought about that. 

Zola couldn’t think about anything else while her eyes were following Dani’s every move; taking into account the clothes she was wearing, the spots of skin that were shown and reminded Zola of every single time her lips travelled there and how much she missed the softness of Dani’s skin. A sigh.

Get out of your head, Zola Steyn. She thought to herself, specially when Dani was finally sitting right next to her. “And here we go,” she stated playfully, knowing that it was for the best to focus entirely on the speech instead of overthinking the lack of distance between each other. At the mention of not being that great with speeches, Zola laughed. “Some people are better with actions and that’s okay too,” those were words she only shared with Dani hoping that no one was paying too much attention on them going through a conversation. If she didn’t want to read into this more than she should, hopefully her friends wouldn’t do that either. 

Zola wished she was better with actions, perhaps it would’ve helped them when they ended up agreeing to have a divorce. Or maybe this was meant to be: breaking up, moving on to someone else in the future, heading different ways. Even if, deep inside her mind, none of that sounded right at all.

Oh. The goat. Of course, that was indeed a great idea. How they worked great together! “Right, that’s perfect! Thank you, bab– Dani.” Before she’d have a glimpse if Dani noticed she almost used an endearing term instead of the woman’s name, Zola was already standing up. 

Clinking a cutlery against the glass of champagne she had in her hand, a round of champagne Yasmine had provided for the speech, she had her attention now on the birthday girl. “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” Once she noticed eyes on her, she finally started. “I have to begin by saying this was Dani’s idea so if this turns out to be a good speech, it’s because of her.” She looked at Dani, sharing a grin before her attention was once again at Yasmine. “Here’s the kind of friend who’ll threaten you if you don’t come to her birthday party, that will fight anyone who tries to hurt you. That seeks constantly to share her love with those she care about, and it has once been extended to a goat during a hiking trip. This is how big her heart is, she can’t see another being going through pain or suffering, she’s light and she’ll do what she can to provide that light to others in her life and for that we thank you, Yas. Happy birthday! May you continue being the sun that you are, to yourself and to all of us.”

Once she was done with the speech, she waited for the applause to murmur a thank you and take a bow. Taking a sip from her drink, she waited for Yasmine who moved up to hug her before Zola was finally, once again, sitting next to Dani. “I’m still good at this,” she joked. “Hey… how are you?”

Dani was eternaly grateful that her hands were under the table as she automatically, without even thinking about it, grabbed the side of the chair she was sitting in and squeezed it so hard that it probably turned white - nobody see her reaction to Zola almost calling her baby. Probably nobody noticed or even paid attention to them either, if she really thought about it, but in that moment all she could hear was that half finished word over and over again in her head.

It was probably just an automatic thing on Zola’s part, Dani told herself as she tried to turn her smile back into a natural expression instead of the frozen one that her face got stuck on. It was out of habit and then in the middle of the word, Zola realized she was making a mistake and corrected herself. That was all it was and she definitely didn’t have to read anything into it. If there was anything to read into it, they would still be together.

Nothing else proved it more that it was nothing than the fact that Zola didn’t even wait to see her reaction, didn’t stop, didn’t falter, and she was already standing up and clicking her glass to get attention.

Get it together, Dani, and stop dreaming. It’s been done for a bit now, you have to accept it.

With her heart still beating out of her chest, Dani leaned back and looked up at Zola to watch her while she gave the speech. This was one moment during the entire evening when she could shamelessly look at Zola, really look at her, and not seem like a creep or a pathetic loser still pining over her ex.

She was halfway paying attention to the speech - Zola was kicking ass, as usual -, while halfway being mesmerized by the way Zola’s curls fell onto her shoulder, the way she smile with such fondness and love at Yasmine (and for a moment at her, but that emotion must have been something she couldn’t turn off just for a moment), the way her voice took over and filled up the bar and despite the crowd, her voice was the one standing out, the way it would have been so easy to reach up and lace their fingers together - a year ago she would have easily done that, but not now, not anymore.

Zola finished and Dani cheered along with the rest of their friends and she looked around to see the other’s reaction - her eyes meeting with Laura’s, who was looking very pointedly at her, her expression saying something along the line of “you’re not being subtle at all”. Dani quickly looked down and reached for her drink, downing the entire contents of her glass. She needed to stop being so damn obvious, if Laura could see it, probably Zola could, too, and she did not want to make her ex-wife feel shitty over her lingering feelings.

And of course this was the moment Zola chose to speak next to her - her taking a seat back next to Dani completely flew over the woman and it scared her, making her choke on the last of the alcohol she was drinking. She ungracefully coughed several times before she got herself together and then she was looking back over at Zola and smiling, pretending nothing happened.

“You’re amazing at it,” she couldn’t help herself before the truth slipped out, and rather she quickly moved onto answering the question. “I’m doing good, just, you know, the usual daily routine. The company picked up a pretty needy client, so I’m spending most of my time coding.” Dani was working in webdesign development and thankfully she loved it enough that burying herself into work to forget about everything worked out just fine for her.

“What about you? How are things with you?” she asked, her fingers tapping on the empty glass.

“Actually, do you need a refill? I need a refill, I’m going to get us another round,” she said suddenly and then quickly got up and went to get the two of them their usuals without really checking whether Zola’s glass was empty or not. She got their usuals and along with it she got herself a double shot and downed it in a quick swoop before she headed back to their table, the chair next to Zola still very much empty. “There you go, just like you usually like.”

[queenofhcpes]

MAUREEN.

Though her attention was able to focus on his body language, signs of Jamal being nervous in the midst of the situation they were in, she couldn’t allow her thoughts to navigate to that path. Or else, it’d only make all of this even harder as her mind would ackowledge that despite all these years there was still familiarity between both of them.

Maureen was trying so hard not to sound frustrated, because she knew she was one to blame and could never excuse herself from the situation. There were plenty what ifs that had gone through her mind ever since the moment she decided to let go of the idea of searching for him. “I know. I know all of that!” She finally replied, “I was alone, scared and young. I’ve made mistakes that are beyond repair, I can’t turn back time and if I could, know that I would. I’d love Talia to have her father ever since the beginning of all of this, and–” fuck. Her voice was trembling, which meant she had to be able to control her emotions. She didn’t want to cry in front of him.

Everytime the thought of calling him, texting or even searching for him through social media crossed her mind she wondered if they’d eventually become a family once he knew the truth. Countless times she had her phone against her ear while possibilities would cross her mind: if maybe they’d get back together and Talia would be able to grow old with her parents right next to her. If he would never want anything to do with her daughter and searching for him would only cause Talia more pain and confusion. The odds could be in her favor, but they also could not. And that fear was always what made Maureen give up of trying again.

“This won’t change anything, but I am sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder,” she now had her arms crossed in front of her chest, a sign of trying to shield herself from all of that. “I didn’t deserve the way you treated me either.” Maureen didn’t want to dwell on that either, but since they were being honest, there was no harm at sharing it. 

“I loved you so much, Jamal. The silent treatment was… hurtful. I was vulnerable, I, I don’t know what else to say but I’ve reacted, impulsively, but I did.”

And once he agreed to give time to share who he truly was with Malia she felt relief roaming through her body. And the fact, he wanted to be there for Talia, made Maureen feel even worse. Because there was a high chance he’d indeed react like that in the past and everything would’ve been easier. Reasons why for all of this words she only shared a nod, focusing on what was said after that. 

“I told her about you. I told her you’re a great man, that you made me happy for as long as we were together, how caring and smart you were. I told her you were into sports and I think that’s why she’s been bugging me to do something in that field. But I didn’t share your name, so in case you introduced yourself to her right now, she wouldn’t be able to connect the dots.” Maureen knew that the moment Talia discovered his name, she’d try to find him through the internet and that wouldn’t be the wisest way of dealing with all of this. Not that this was wise, it wasn’t… at all.

“But she had and still has a lot of questions, it’ll be nice to hear an answer from you instead of me.” . 

Maureen knowing that she should have told him about Talia both helped and not helped at all for Jamal. He appreciated that she didn’t try to turn it into something that was okay, that made sense, but if she knew, why didn’t she reach out to him? He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

And then she brought up how much he hurt her, and she was right, of course Maureen was right and it made sense that after the way things ended between them, she didn’t try her hardest to reach out to him, but for Jamal it just made him angrier. Both at himself and her, too. But in that moment it was easier to direct that anger towards her, and ignore the apology altogether.

“Okay, sure, you made an emotional decision based on the pain, but that’s been over a decade now, Maureen,” he pointed it out. “Why didn’t you try to find me since then?” He changed his phone number at some point, he knew that, but both his mom and his sister had the same phone number, and he couldn’t remember exactly, but he would have bet at some point Maureen had at least one of them.

And he couldn’t help but wonder... “Would you have ever told me about her?” he asked, his head ducked down, his voice quiet - he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer or not. This was all purely by chance. If Maureen moved somewhere else with Talia, they might have never ran into each other and then Jamal would have never known. And he might have only known for a couple of minutes, but even the prospect of never knowing he had a daughter felt impossible and too much.

When Maureen started talking about what she told Talia, though, warmed his heart. They were simple things, basic things, but hearing that his daughter wanted to dabble in sport because he used to play baseball? That was so sweet and he couldn’t help the small smile on his lips.

“We didn’t get to the introduction part yet, to be honest. Just opened the door for her and then came upstairs, it wasn’t that long of a conversation, but she seemed really nice. I-- man, I’m both terrified and excited to met her properly.”

He leaned more towards the terrified in that moment, though. He was suddenly very much aware of just how many different ways could he screw things up, how many possible ways she could not like him and just how many ways all of this could go up in flames.

“How is this going to work, Maureen?” He wasn’t really sure himself. “Do you have a timeline? A plan? Any advice? Anything?”

[queenofhcpes]

ZOLA.

@queenofhcpes​

The moment Zola received a text from Yasmin telling her that she demmanded her friend’s presence at her birthday party, Zola actually laughed. Despite what her friends would think, Zola would never miss any events with friends in common just because Dani would be there. In fact, and that was something she’d never share with them, part of herself wanted to go mostly because there was a chance Dani would be there. 

It was also during those events that Zola would overthink her looks, check herself in the mirror countless times before stepping out of her apartment to meet her friends. And once she was there, all the anxiety she’d feel would seem pointless; because she’d always have fun and she’d always forget what was worrying her to begin with.

Zola was there, for her friend’s happiness. Her eyes searched for her ex-wife through the crowd when she spotted the table Yasmin had reserved at the bar. She shared a weak smile with everyone and a wave before reaching closer. The excitement from her group of friends was contagious and soon she was finding out that they had ordered a round of tequila shots for everyone at the table, which now included her.

While they were waiting for their order, Yasmin was constantly asking Zola for a speech about how amazing the birthday girl was, because she needed a boost for her ego. “Yas, baby, we all know how precious and amazing you are, do you really need me to embarrass myself in front of everyone?” She questioned, receiving a nod in return. Zola was merely joking, she had no problems with it. Never did. “Okay, if you really, really want me to, I’ll need that tequila first. I need to read the crowd so I’ll come up with such an emotional speech, strangers will cry. Dani knows, I’ve embarrassed her plenty of times while sharing words of affirmation in public.” She smiled, knowing that talking about her relationship was inevitable, it was a natural act.

Watching as the drinks were finally there, she grabbed one by one to hand them to everyone before she eventually reached for Dani, her eyes reaching for hers which almost seemed like Zola had been able to lose herself there for an eternity. “Hey, you. You know what? Dani should help me at that speech.” 

It was more of a statement that Dani would come to Yasmine’s birthsay party rather than a request, specifying that Yas wouldn’t accept any kind of excuse for not showing up. She didn’t specifically spell it out, but Dani knew her friend meant Zola being there wasn’t accepted as an excuse. Probably because she tried it before.

The first time their friend group went out to have some fun after the divorce, she tried getting out of it because... well, because seeing Zola and being around her and not being able to touch her or share some inside joke with her or even just simply hang out with her like they used to hurt. And she knew she promised to her, to their friends, that she wouldn’t do that, she wasn’t proud of it, but still Dani tried the very first time already. So Laura and Yasmine showed up and dragged her out and it’s been like this ever since, reminding her that “no excuses were allowed”.

What they didn’t realize that somewhere along the line things changed in Dani and instead of focusing on the pain and what she couldn’t do or who she couldn’t have, she focused on the fact that these were the very few times she could actually see Zola and spend some time with her. And maybe she was being pathetic, and their interactions were definitely awkward and not like they used to, but it was something.

(And sometimes there were moments when it felt like maybe it was like old times, but then the moment would end and one of them would look away and she would be reminded that they were divorced now and she was probably turning a simple eye-contact into a lot more than what it was, but those few moments were the highlights of those nights.

So she showed up looking the best she could (after spending way too long of a time deciding what to wear, and if anyone asked, she most certainly did not dress to impress Zola, no, they were being ridiculous) and started with a shot of vodka to help her nerves and from the moment Zola showed up, she was constantly aware of what she as doing, where she was. She really was pathetic.

Yasmine wanted to convince Zola to give a speech, and Dani quietly agreed - Zola was always great with words and speeches came so naturally to her. When Zola mentioned her by name - brought up memories, even -, her eyes snapped at Zola (she was always looking, but mostly from the corner of her eyes, to not make it so obvious) and there it was again - their eyes met and there was that moment that felt like it was just the two of them and as if everything was okay.

And the Zola announced that she should be helping her, and Dani was shaking her head before it even registered to her what was happening. “No, no, you might be good with speechest but you know I’m not,” she tried to protest but their friends were already getting up, nudging her to get up herself and the next thing she knew, instead of sitting relatively across from each other, she was sitting right next to Zola and the girls were cheering and hooting and Yasmine was practically beaming.

“I provide the idea, you provide the words?“ she offered Zola sheepishly, being way too aware of the exact distance between their shoulders as they sat next to each other. “You know I can never write anything as pretty and flowerly as you. But you really should talk about the that hiking trip two years ago. When Yasmine saved that goat. Both funny and heartfelt, that’d kill as a birthday speech.“

[queenofhcpes]

MAUREEN.

Maureen debated inside her head, if she should just dig a hole and drag herself into it after she asked them to have coffee so she could tell him how all these years she had been raising their kid, the one he had no knowledge of. And once, he accepted the idea of a coffee, part of herself felt relieved but another part just got even more anxious towards the situation. Besides, she probably looked horrible, she had been dragging boxes upstairs for a few hours before she found Jamal was her neighbor next door.

But did her looks mattered so much? Okay, Maureen just focus. She sighed, a weak smile resting on her lips before she followed him inside, texting Talia to let her know that it would take her awhile to head inside the apartment but to call in case she needed something.

She waited. Maureen took the time he was preparing some coffee for the both of them to take the entire situation in. To have a glimpse of his apartment and the man in front of her. To be quite honest, she was just waiting for the moment she’d find out she had fallen asleep inside of her new apartment with Talia and she’d figure out this was just her brain coming up with a new dream of having his presence once again inside her life, just like her mind usually did once in awhile ever since they headed different ways. If it wouldn’t be weird, she’d try to touch his arm or feel the brush of his hand against hers, just to make sure that Jamal was, indeed, real.

And then, once he reached back to her with a coffee mug, she murmured a thank you. Taking a sip from the warm drink while he questioned her what was probably the obvious now. At first, no words left her mouth, just a nod, while she was trying to come up with the right words to share with him. If there were any. 

“She’s thirteen, soon to be fourteen. Her birthday is coming up soon,” resting the mug on top of the counter, her gaze rested on him so not only he would have her full attention but she’d demmand the same action in return. “Her name is Talia Daisy and, yes. She is your daughter. I know this is probably what you weren’t expecting and I never meant to turn your world upside down all of a sudden, trust me. I…” Maureen stopped for a second, just so she could have another sip from her coffee, making sure her throat wasn’t so dry that words wouldn’t be properly shared.

“The moment I knew that I was pregnant, I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. I’m not trying to excuse the fact that I didn’t find a way to contact you through all of these years, but I was afraid. I was young, pregnant and we didn’t have the best ending in the world. I didn’t know how you’d react, and I took the unanswered calls as a sign to leave it be,” as words would leave her mouth, memories would come to surface about a time that became so hard and so precious at the same proportion. “I didn’t know we would be neighbors, this was never the way I wanted you to know about Talia and vice-versa. She’s a beautiful, extroverted girl who loves making friends and if you’d like to be part of her life, I won’t be oppose to it. I’ll just have to approach her about this situation in a more sensitive way.”

And she hoped he’d understand. “You also should take your time to take this all in, okay?” She wanted to reach for him, hold his hand. But she didn’t know how he’d react after all of this information and they weren’t close anymore for her to have this kind of actions. So Maureen remained in the same position she had been during the conversation; even forgetting about the coffee mug resting between her hands.

The moment Maureen started talking, all Jamal saw was her and all he focused on was the words she spoke. It was overwhelming, to hear everything coming out of Maureen’s lips - his head was spinning, he felt his heart beating in his throat as if he sprinted for several hours instead of a 30 minutes long jog and he just tried taking everything in while not looking like the biggest, stupidest idiot.

(He probably still looked like that.)

He had a daughter. A thirteen, almost fourteen years old daughter called Talia. A little girl who wasn’t so little anymore because he missed the first almost fourteen years of her life. He wasn’t there for the birth, wasn’t there to see her firth steps, send her off to school for the first time, didn’t know what kind of movies she liked or what kind of sports she liked, if she liked any. She didn’t know anything aside from that little glimse that he got of her a few minutes ago and what little Maureen now told him about her.

“You should have told me,” he said quietly, rubbing his face once again. It was a bad nervous tick of his, one he occasionally also did when he didn’t know what else to do, and both very much applied in this moment. “I know I didn’t answer, but you should have tried harder. Jesus, Maureen, it’s a kid, not just a forgotten sweater or something.”

He wasn’t being fair, a tiny part of his brain told him - he could have answered when Maureen called or he could have called back, made sure everything was okay and learn about the woman’s pregnancy - but Jamal didn’t really care about being fair in that moment. He kept thinking about all the things he missed and wasn’t there for and how there was this huge thing in his life that he didn’t know about all this time.

“No matter what happened between us,” or how big of an asshole I was, he added the thought just in his head, “I should have known. And I would have been there. I would have wanted to be there.” Though who knows in what state. Maybe it would have been exactly the thing he needed to pull himself out of his ass and got himself together and maybe he could have realized the mistakes he made before it was too late and all three of their lives would have been very different now, but he could have just as easily been the shittiest, most distant dad who made more promises than he could have ever kept over the years while he got back on his feet. There was no way of knowing.

He put the mug down onto the counter - the coffee untouched in it -, and turned his entire body now towards Maureen. “I understand that you have to... well, you can’t just dump all of this on her, but I want to meet her. Properly. Be part of her life. Figure out how this could work at all. Don’t worry about how I’ll take it, whatever pace you want to set, I’ll be there.”

There was a lot to figure out, he needed to sort all of this out and figure out what all of this meant for his life, but at the same time he felt a desperate kind of rush that came from missing so much already. He didn’t want to miss anymore.

He cleared his throat. “Did you-- you know, tell anything about me? Did she ever ask anything?”

[queenofhcpes]

ERIKA.

It was clearly Erika’s fault that Letty was reacting like this but that didn’t mean she was suddenly going to jump and apologize for her actions, though. Her mind was still stuck on Broadway and her own feelings that while she could understand how her words could have come across, she had been too triggered to even consider giving Letty an apology. Besides, the way she seemed to quickly insist that she should get out of there made Erika feel as though she had no time to explain herself. Her outburst had nothing to do with Letty’s skills at all, she knew she was talented, she’d seen the work she’d done every time she took her clothes off but Letty seemed to be just as stubborn as Erika was.

The blonde groaned as Letty got out of bed and put her panties back on, Erika reaching over for a shirt to slip on. “Fine. Go if you want to go.” Erika snapped back. She had fucked up, she wasn’t in the right headspace right now and rather than beg for forgiveness, the logical solution was to just keep pushing her away even more. It was already confirmed that she was incapable of keeping a good thing going. “I don’t care, thanks so much for making me cum, don’t forget any of your Broadway certified clothes on the way out!”

She could tell she was being harsh but she couldn’t stop herself. If Letty wanted to leave that was fine, Erika had enough people ditch her to know there was no going back so she had no problems burning her bridges. She climbed out of bed, opening the door to her bedroom for Letty. “Have a good life, good luck finding someone who’ll eat you out as good as me.”

If Letty was a little bit less hurt, maybe she would have noticed the way Erika talked about Broadway, that something was there, something more than not liking Broadway in general or not thinking of it as a real profession (how many times did she hear that from assholes in the past, that making cute little clothes was not a life’s goal and she should just find some kind of office job where she could do real work). But her ego was hurt because it was coming from Erika, and damn it, she actually liked the girl, even though they didn’t know that much about each other and even if things were just casual between them - they shared a love for fashion and she really thought she would appreciate it for her.

She was certainly wrong.

And instead of trying to make her stay, she told her to leave, so there was no calming down and sticking around after this. She was definitely not going to beg to stay where she wasn’t welcomed, either, she quickly collected her clothes and got them on, mumbling under her breath about how she shouldn’t have come here in the first place, how bad idea it was that they even tried to do anything other than fucking. It’s was what they were good at, anyway, why steer into unknown territory. She did not say that last bit out loud, though.

“Don’t think I can’t find anyone as good as you. I was trying not to be an asshole and because something is better than nothing, but you’re mediocre at best, honey. Have a nice life,” Letty said as she passed Erika by the door. She realized she was being childish and petty and her lying was weak and pathetic, but damnit, she wanted to stab back at Erika in something, and this was the best she could come up with on short notice. And then she headed out, continueing to grumble under her breath about everything that happened.

[queenofhcpes]

PETER.

Sitting down in the circle next to Glenda, he tried not to get too close. He left enough room that not even their knees could accidentally touch or brush up against each other. He knew he had to stay focused on James and Gladys, any thoughts about him and Glenda getting too close or the fact that there was a chance they could end up having to kiss would be too much of a distraction. Peter looked like was hyperfixated on the bottle every time it spun around, he was sure he looked either crazy or like he was drunk but pretending not to be. Either way, he was staying focused on this task.

When Greta Catchlove spun the bottle and it landed on Gladys, Peter knew this was the time for them to get ready. It would be her turn to spin and they would be able to get her and James to kiss. He sat up straight instead of hunching over watching the bottle intensely and looked over at Gladys. “I actually choose Glenda to be the next one to spin!” She announced excitedly and Peter was completely thrown off guard. What that a rule? Could she do that? As Gladys called her name, Peter turned to look at Glenda who seemed to not be present until the girl on the other side of her snapped her out of it.

Oh god, she was going to spin the bottle now and Peter didn’t know how to feel. It was just a stupid game, right? If she kissed someone else it wouldn’t matter, right? But they did think this would get James and Gladys together…what if Glenda kissed someone and he lost his chance? His mind was running a mile a minute, for once he was putting a lot of thought into his situation. It wasn’t enough time however cause when the bottle stopped and pointed at him, he hadn’t even considered what he would do in this situation.

People were cheering them on but Peters brain had been fried. He looked at Glenda who looked so shy and awkward, it was adorable but he felt this overwhelming fear that he was not ready for this. He couldn’t screw up his chances by being a terrible kisser! For a moment he turned to look over at James who gave him a look as if to say just go for it and Peter’s eyes widened as he realized what was going on. It was a setup! They wanted this to happen! While Glenda and Peter were thinking about getting James and Gladys together, they were doing the same thing for them!

This made things even more stressful for him. When he turned back to Glenda and she asked if he was okay with this, he panicked. “Uh…yeah, I’m fine but uh…I-I’m parched, I’ll uh…I’ll be right back!” He stammered as he did his best to pick himself up and scurry over to find drinks. The group of players groaned, probably all there as part of James and Gladys’ plan. He heard Gladys call out his name but he just continued on as if he hadn’t heard her.

James really thought the plan would work. Sirius, Remus and him noticed for a while the way Peter was whenever Glenda Chittock was near and how he seemed out her company and the way he would just light up whenever the girl was around, just like they noticed that he was somehow got stuck and didn’t make a move when Glenda clearly would have said yes to any move Peter made. So when Gladys and him started talking and James realized she noticed the same things, the game plan quickly formed. They were just being good friends. They were helping their friends to be happy together, they weren’t meddling. Just a tad bit of a push.

Except that push somehow turned into Peter running off for... whatever reason, which James just did not get one bit. It was spin the bottle. They made sure the bottle would land on him, he just had to go and kiss Glenda and the first move jitters could have been over already. It was the cleanest, less stressful way to get to a first kiss and then they could have gone off to talk and maybe do some more kissing. James was almost certain Peter would not go further, but even if they just talked, they would know to be on the same page!

He jumped up to his feet and ran after Peter before he even registered what he was doing, taking a quick glance down at Glenda as he passed the girl and noticing the hurt on her face and he realized she probably thought Peter didn’t like her enough to kiss her, which would require a lot of fixing but damnit, Peter deserved the happiness, he would just need to... push differently. Not meddle, this was not meddling. Just pushing his friend in the right direction.

James found Peter in the furthest corner of the common room, clutching a drink in his hands and James leaned against the wall next to his friend for a short while, not saying anything, letting Peter gather himself and shake the fear that James could see in his friend’s face when Glenda asked if the kiss would be okay.

“Mate, what happened in there? Are you okay? I thought you liked Glenda.”

[queenofhcpes]

MAUREEN.

Internally Maureen was applauding her composure the moment she had faced the situation she was in; perhaps the whole reason why the turmoil of feelings within herself hadn’t reached Jamal was mostly because there was someone else in that scenario: her daughter. In fact, Maureen wondered if the moment he shared how long it had been ever since they were in each others lives, Talia would start wondering. All these years the young child was always wondering who was her father, what was he like, his name, whereabouts. And Maureen managed to do her best. She held no grudges over him, so she tried to share details and what she loved the most about him, but still, the memories hurted. The way he let go of everything they once had hurted her.

“I do, Talia’s the best thing that has ever happened to me,” and it was inevitable of her not to bring the young teen closer while wrapping her arm around her shoulders and kissing the top of her forehead. “Mom!” That was exactly the only thing that made Maureen smile at that moment: Talia’s embarrassment.

And she could feel it. He was probably questioning the entire situation already, one that Maureen never wanted to hide; in fact, she had searched for him the moment she found out about the pregnancy. It was just harder now to share it all when Talia was big enough to understand everything her mother and father had been through. “Hey, baby girl. Why don’t you get inside so you can start unpacking your stuff and check your new room, huh?” She questioned Talia, who was already focused on her phone, unattached from the tension that was set in that corridor. At least, a tension that was definitely within Maureen.

As Talia was no longer closer, Maureen moved her fingers through her hair brushing it back, before her eyes glanced to meet his. It almost felt her heart would come out of her chest, beating faster than usual. “Okay, we should– we should talk.”

That was a horrible start, but there was no way Maureen would get inside the apartment and start a new phase in her life with lies. “I’d invite you over, but I prefer if we could have this conversation by ourselves at first.” And that was when it hit her. She didn’t know a thing about him, ever since they broke up and she lost contact, Jamal became her past, one that was too hard to forget. He could be married, have a significant other. He could have a family and, while it didn’t seem like the Jamal she had known, perhaps he wouldn’t like to be part of Talia’s life at all. “We could just grab a cup of coffee in case you don’t live by yourself. I don’t want to cause any awkward situation.”

Jamal couldn’t tell if Talia started questioning anything. He didn’t know the girl, he didn’t know what her tells were, what kind of signs he should be looking for - all he saw was the embarrassment she showed when Maureen showed some of her affection. It seemed such a typical response, he couldn’t help the tick of his lips upward.

Not that he really knew anything about teens and what was and wasn’t typical. His sister had two twin boys, but they were barely 3 years old, and aside from when he was a teenager himself, he didn’t really deal with them. He worked with kids - he coached baseball in kindergarten and elementary school part time, but kids at that age were completely different from how teens were.

If he wasn’t sure about Talia yet - and he wasn’t, he couldn’t, because it just didn’t make any sense and wrapping his head around the fact that he had a teenage daughter he didn’t know about all these years felt impossible -, Maureen sending the girl away and then telling him that they needed to talk, sealed the deal. There was no way she would be this serious about everything if she just wanted to reassure him that he was in fact not the father. She could have easily done that with a single sentence, but no, they needed to talk.

Jesus. This was not at all how he imagined today was going to go.

He rubbed his face, trying to unjumble all the thoughts that were rushing through his head, barely registering that even now Maureen was trying to be considerate and trying to make sure he isn’t in a situation where he has to explain a kid not on his own terms to anyone. The truth was, he didn’t have anyone, not right now - he tried, over the years he had more or less serious relationships, but nothing really stuck for the long term -, but even if he had anyone waiting for him in the apartment, he probably wouldn’t have bothered. He was in too big of a shock about everything to think about something like this.

“Coffee, sure, why not,” he mumbled and he turned around, fumbled with his keys to open his door and stepped aside to let Maureen inside.

Once he closed the door behind them, he led the way to the kitchen silently, his mind never stopping for a moment. He had a coffee machine in there - it didn’t make the best coffee he’s ever had, but he liked it, and without even truly realizing he was doing it, he made coffee for Maureen the way she used to drink it. He offered it to her and leaned back against the kitchen counter, holding onto his own coffee mug to help ground himself.

“So, she’s mine, right?” He didn’t really see any point beating around the bush anymore. “I’m not doing the math wrong, right? She looks around 13, which fits, and...” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, rubbing his forehead once again before letting out a sigh and looking at the woman. “Is she my daughter?”

[queenofhcpes]

MAUREEN.

Maureen was grabbing the last few boxes back in the truck before she told her daughter to head upstairs. There was nothing else Talia could grab at that point, nothing that would be light enough for the young teen to feel thrilled to do so. In fact, Maureen was thinking that Talia was probably glad that she was excused from that task. 

When Maureen finally reached the floor where their apartment was set. She heard a voice before it had a face. So don’t be afraid to knock. Talia was talking to someone, and while a part of herself had been attentive because her young daughter was talking to a man, she couldn’t help but catch familiarity in the tone. “Talia, who are you talking to?” She questioned before she was even close to her daughter.

And it was when her eyes reached him that she had to find all the strength within herself not to let any of those boxes meet the ground with the help of gravity. “Ja–” Opening the door from the apartment, Maureen decided to let go of what she had on her hands first before dealing with the situation. Though, part of herself just wanted to get inside, close the door and avoid it.

She could feel her daughter’s eyes on her before she heard Talia questioning: “Do you know each other?” And before Maureen would share any words, she nodded in agreement to that question.

What were the odds? After all this time, when she was in peace with the idea of raising Talia by herself. “Talia, honey, this is Jamal. We went to college together. We… yes, we know each other.” It was almost like there was no escape from that situation. Unless Jamal was horrible at math. Everything was indeed challenging. “It’s been awhile, huh? How’ve you been?” She would definitely avoid the elephant in the room while she could. Maureen definitely would do that.

Jamal heard the voice before he saw the woman’s face, but there was no need for any kind of visual to know exactly who would show up. He knew this voicelike the back of his hand, despite haven’t hearing it for over a decade at this point. Despite how he believed he would never hear it again. He probably would have deserved it, too, after the way he ended things.

Not that he had time to dwell on anything, because suddenly there she was and Jamal was sure his surprise was all over his face. And yet Maureen seemed unfazed - then again, why should she be fazed at all, she moved on with her life, left everything in the past and now she had a daughter.

A daughter.

She had a daughter.

Jamal’s eyes snapped back onto the girl, Talia, and he was looking at her with a completely different light now while the girl asked her mother if the two of them knew each other. Because Talia was in her teens. He was hard at determining age just by looking at kids, so he could be off, but she seemed right around the age to be...

But no, that couldn’t possibly be. Maureen would have told him. No matter how he left, she would have told him, right?

She could have moved on quickly, or have a hookup that resulted in pregnancy. For a moment he thought maybe she cheated, but he quickly pushed that thought out of his head because Maureen wasn’t like that, their relationship back then wasn’t like that.

Maureen confirming that they knew each other back in college snapped Jamal out of the daze he was in and he slipped his hands into his pocket as he nodded. “It’s been at least thirteen, fourteen years, yeah.” He couldn’t help it, from the corner of his eyes, he was watching Talia, just to see her reaction, if she puts anything together.

“Been doing good, I guess I can’t complain. What about-- you? I see you have a daughter.” A pause. “You have a daughter.” Jesus he couldn’t just ask her if this was his child, not in front of the girl. That would be... that would not come off well, he assumed. That’s the kind of information you had during some kind of serious discussion, not at a random chance encounter in the middle of the hallway of your new apartment. Especially because he couldn’t even know for sure it was true, even if his gut was telling him that there was no other explanation.

[queenofhcpes]

[ @ohramuses​ ]

It took some time after his accident for Jamal to get back into doing any kind of sports, even if it wasn’t baseball. At this point it’s been a long while and he picked up the habit of going for a run once or twice a week when he didn’t go into the hardware store right in the morning. He never did too much, which is something he had to learn the painful way.

He was coming back from a thirty minute run of his when he saw a girl (first he thought she was around 8-9 from the distance but then realizes she was at least in her early teens as he got closer) with a box in her hand, trying to get into his building. He heard that the apartment against his was bought recently, so he figured they must be finally moving in.

“Hey, hold on, let me help,“ he said as he got closer and rushed up to open the door for the girl who was struggling to do it with her hands’ full.

“Thanks,“ the girl said with a smile.

“Anytime. Moving into 2b?” Just because he thought that is what happened, he also figured he’d check. He did see a moving truck not so far from their building, though, so he figured he was correct on his assumption.

The girl gave him a wary look, and Jamal immediately realized how his question must have sounded creepy, not to mention he was following the girl up the stairs. He raised his hands in a defensive pose. “I like in 2a, I know the previous owner sold the place, so it was a guess, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, though.”

A beat of silence and then the girl nodded. “Yeah, my mom and I are just moving in there.”

“Well, welcome to the place, hope you’ll like it here. If you need any help with the moving or the place around here, I’m across from you guys, so don’t be afraid to knock.“

[queenofhcpes]

FLORENCE.

[ @queenofhcpes​ ]

Florence loved the beach, getting to take the short drive down and spending the day in the sun with her friends was probably one of the best feelings. Now that Gio was part of their group, he got to experience it too which was even more exciting. He deserved it! Especially since he seemed to prefer being cooped up with his robots rather than get out in the sunshine. So it shouldn’t have been a shock when she and the gang showed up to his grandparent’s place already decked out in their beach gear asking for Gio to come out and play.

Bernadette drove (since she was, objectively, the best driver of the group) with Lizzie sitting with her in the front while the boys and Flo squeezed themselves into the back. This was easier when it was the five of them but they had no issues accomodating for their sixth member. Florence ended up situated on Gio’s lap for the duration of the drive from his grandparents place to the beach with Logan playfully complaining about it which resulted in him and Tanner jokingly bickering. Flo rolled her eyes at them before turning her head to look at Gio. “Anyway, Gio! You haven’t been here long enough to see this beach in all its glory yet, have you? Trust me when I tell you it’s the best, we come here almost every day during the summer. So don’t be shocked when we start showing up even more often than usual.”

Technically speaking, Gio knew each step that led him to the car with Florence sitting in his lap. He was pushing 24 hours working on his newest project (without really realizing he was getting close to working 24 hours, he got distracted and lost track of time quickly when he started working) when the group showed up, his grandparents being extremely excited that they would finally get Gio out of "his weird hole" as they liked to call it, Tanner pushed him to his room and complained about his lack of swimsuit choices, and then they were telling him to get into the back and the next thing he knew, Flo was sitting in his lap and despite figuring that he could take a nap during the drive down to the beach (he had no idea how long the drive would take, but even if it was just fifteen minutes, he mastered short power naps by now), he was wide awake and his brain probably short-circuited because he wasn't really getting anything that the group was talking about, he just kept thinking about how Flo was sitting in his lap and he didn't know what to do with his hands because touching her felt inappropriate and he was trying not to stare and it was a lot. A lot.

And then Flo was chatting about something and looking directly at him and he could hear her voice, but nothing really registered of what she was saying because as she turned around to talk to him she shifted in his lap which only reminded him all over again that /she was sitting in his lap and she hasn't had anyone sit in his lap who wasn't his sister which was probably pretty pathetic if she thought about it, but that didn't change the facts still. And then Florence was looking at him expectently, which makes sense, because if somebody was talking to you, they expected an answer but how do you even answer somebody if you have no idea what they were saying or if you could even speak in that moment?

Gio ended up just saying, "Huh?"

He cursed inward while Tanner and Logan were snickering next to him. He sounded like a dick. Couldn't even say a "what?", no, all he could push out of himself was a huh. Get it together, Giovanni, you managed to make them believe you're a sort of functioning human until now, don't fuck it up this time. He blinked rapitly and cleared his throat before saying, "Sorry, what was that? I kind of zoned out for a moment."

[queenofhcpes]

WREN.

[ @queenofhcpes​ ]

Things with Mark were going well, which was a big surprise to Wren to say the least. Things never went this well for this long for her and in a way, it was actually starting to scare her. It was hard to believe that for once, someone good had come into her life and was actually planning on staying. It was only a matter of time before he realized what a mess she was and decided that it was time to leave her behind.

She had been worrying that might end up being tonight. He texted her while she was at work saying he had a surprise for her and somehow her mind immediately assumed the worst. What kind of crazy person would surprise you with a break up like this? Maybe he had no idea how to break it to her and this was the first thing that came to mind rather than the ever so obvious *we need to talk*. Wren had to prepare for the worst so her entire shift and then the drive to their apartment building was this agonizing feeling of bracing herself for Mark to tell her it was over.

Once she reached their building, she couldn’t wait. They lived right next to each other so rather than stopping off at her apartment first, she decided to just rip the bandaid off and knock on Mark’s door. When he opened the door she played it cool, a smile on her face as she looked up at him–god he was so cute, she’d miss getting to see his face and know that he was all hers. “Well hi, neighbour. A little birdy told me you’ve got a surprise for me?”

It wasn't any big event, there was no birthday (not that he knew of at least), no Christmas or Valentine's daybut he wanted to do something nice for Wren, make the night special for the two of them. Things were going good, which was really surprising because his previous relationships (if you could even call them them) usually fizzled out by this point. And maybe the difference was that he didn't love anyone he's been with before - something he realized a couple of days ago in the most mundane way possible, watching Wren yell at the tv for some character being stupid and realizing that he hoped he would be able to see her do this for a really long time.

So this time he wanted to put in the effort, put in the work to make sure it doesn't fizzle out, too. That Wren didn't realize that she could do better and move onto another bloke.

So he made a plan - he looked up a bunch of different recipes during the night while Wren was sleeping to make sure he could find the best sounding recipe for lasagna, Wren's favorite. He went to the grocery shop in the morning, spent a couple of hours trying not to worry about fucking up the cooking, and then finally he jumped into it. He was going slow, mainly because he wasn't the type to cook, which also meant that everything took so much longer for him to do, but he started early, so by the time Wren's knock came from the front door, he was doing the finishing touches and nothing smelled or tasted burnt, so he was pretty proud of himself.

He completely forgot to take the apron off as he went to open the door, and he was grinning like a doofus fifteen years old the moment he saw her, but he couldn't care. She was smiling up at him and she seemed so happy and excited that he couldn't wait another second, he just ducked down and kissed her soft and quick, as a greeting. "Hey there you too, neighbor. Don't think of anything big, but yes, I figured we could spend a nice night in and I have a surprise for you for it. Come in, come in, hopefully it didn't burn while I took my eyes off of it for two minutes," he said as he pulled Wren into the apartment.

[queenofhcpes]

NANCY.

This was the strangest situation that Nancy had ever been in and in all honesty, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. She felt the urge to scream and faint at the idea that the thing she had spent the day stressing about, the way she lost control of herself, opened up and ended up kissing another girl, was now standing right there in front of her. Nancy had hoped that she would be able to forget about it, leave this experimentation behind her and keep dating Matthew as though nothing happened.

But now she couldn’t because Charlie stood there before her, practically taunting her, dangling in front of her as something that she could never forget. Was she a bad person for this? How was she supposed to know that someone that was part of this family, would be at a party, covered in tattoos and kissing other girls? It shouldn’t matter if Nancy knew or not, the fact of the matter was that she kissed another girl while in a relationship and that girl was her boyfriends sister. Even though she liked it a lot (maybe even more than she liked when Matthew kissed her) it felt dirty and wrong and that feeling would be creeping on her for the rest of the day.

Nancy wondered what was going through Charlie’s mind as they shook hands, the way she so easily played nice as if this was indeed their first time meeting. Nancy couldn’t lie like that, she could feel the knots in her stomach and her face turning red at the sly implication that they did know each other already. She quickly turned her head to look at Matthew to see if he picked up on anything but all he did was smile, happy to see that his girlfriend and sister were getting along. “Right, yeah uh…he’s talked about you too. It really is great to finally meet you.” Letting go of her hand, she clasped both of hers together nervously, hoping that it just looked like “meeting-the-family” jitters.

“Baby pictures! That sounds fun! Matthew, I think you should definitely go help your mom out so that…Charlotte and I don’t have to hear you grumbling about your baby pictures.” she suggested, rather hastily but with a sweet little smile on her face that the only thing you think she could be up to was getting a glimpse at the most embarrassing picture they had. Matthew did groan a little but ended up accepting mainly for the idea of the two girls spending time together even if it’s at his expense. He gave Nancy a quick little peck on the lips which she returned, hoping her awkwardness came off as being uncomfortable with the PDA in front of Charlie. Once he had left the room and it was just Nancy and Charlie alone together, the awkward look on her face hadn’t faded as all she managed to say was, “Hi…”

Charlie felt a huge amount of relief when Nancy picked up on what she was going for and not only went along with it, but even managed to get Matthew out of the room. She was impressive, which was the last thing she needed to be thinking about, but she couldn’t help herself. Nancy also looked extremely uncomfortable, and she wished the two of them could have missed each other during last night’s party. It would have made things so much easier and simpler.

“Hey,” she said back, now that just the two of them were in the room her anxiety and awkwardness that she was feeling finally visibly showing. It was only so long while she could keep herself together in front of her family in a situation like this. “Didn’t think I’d see you here.” Very nice, Charlie, stating the obvious. Clearly, Nancy didn’t think the two of them would meet here, either, otherwise nothing that happened yesterday would have happened.

Fuck, even if this somehow, magically, ends up going good and well, Charlie would either have to never come home when Matthew was home, or see Nancy and remember what happened between them for as long as her brother and Nancy were together. And hearing how her mother was talking about the couple, she wouldn’t have been surprised if she convinced Matthew to propose on graduation or something. They had to de-awkward the situation otherwise the two of them would be screwed.

“Look, yesterday... we were both drinking and having fun. Nothing really happened, right?” This was the clearest route they could go. “You had a little too much to drink and you were curious and I helped out, but you are clearly happy with Matthew, I wouldn’t want to step in the middle of anything. So we can totally just forget about everything that happened. It would be bad for both of us, my family... they don’t really know a lot about me, and it’s probably the best for them that way. If my mother would ever find out about any of it, I’m pretty sure she would get a heart attack, which is the last thing I want. So we can just forget about it all. What do you say?”

[queenofhcpes]

OLIVEIRA.

[ @queenofhcpes·· ]

Ever since her talk with Blanca the other day, Oli had been considering her offer. It seemed as though Jennifer wasn’t trying to get in contact with her after she kissed Blanca and that was good because she still wasn’t ready at all to talk about her letter. All night she continued to think about it and maybe it was a good idea after all. Fake dating until this whole thing blew over started making more and more sense the longer she spent thinking about it.

The next day at school Oli made sure to keep her distance from Jennifer as she went to find Blanca. It wasn’t too difficult, Blanca was easy to figure out, she was athletic and on the basketball team so locating her on the school basketball court was pretty much a no brainer. For a moment Oli stayed back, taking a deep breath to prepare herself for what she was about to do. It was crazy, an insane idea that could backfire completely if they didn’t execute it perfectly, but what other choice did she have? As confidently as she could, she walked over to Blanca holding her head up high.

“Hey, Blanca. I gave it some thought and…I’m in. We should probably set some ground rules first but…let’s do this.”

It was a couple of minutes before practice officially started and Blanca was already on the court, warming up and shooting some hoops, making an impromptu competition out of it with her teammates when Oliveira Perez showed up in her eyesight, marching right up to her.

Blanca wondered if she ever saw Oli around the basketball court, but she honestly couldn’t remember a single moment, and if she was being honest, she was surprised in general to see Oli showing up. After she threw out her suggestion of them fake dating each other, Oli didn’t seem that receptive of the idea and she assumed that it would be forgotten and they would both go on their separate ways.

But Oli was here, marching towards her, so maybe? “Give me a moment,” she said to her teammates and with a ball in her hand she jogged up to meet Oli sort of halfway. If this was about their deal, she didn’t want to be overheard, that would be the end of their agreement before they even got started.

"Oli, hey, is everything--” but she didn’t even get more words out, because Oli was already talking and agreeing to her idea, and after a moment of surprise on Blanca’s face, her grin was wide and spread over her entire face. They were doing it, they would be fake girlfriends from this point on! This was going to be fun.

And what time then the present to start the faking it, Blanca thought, and without saying a word, she stepped forward and with her free hand cupped Oli’s face and pressed a kiss onto the girl’s lips. “Alright, let’s do this.”

[queenofhcpes]

CARMELLA.

Carmella admired Dante for all the hard work he was putting in. It wasn’t hard to notice how difficult it all was for him, Martino was so young after all and so much of Dante’s time was spent either at work or studying. Some people she worked for were barely around because they didn’t care for their child at all and felt that taking care of them was a waste of time but this wasn’t one of those cases. All the effort and time that he spent away for his son was for him. He wanted to be there but he wanted to give his son a good life, so if that meant that Carmella had to stay a little bit longer than normal to keep Marti company, she was all for it.

“Please, this is my job. I’m here to help, and Marti is such a sweet kid, it’s a pleasure to get to spend as much time as I can with him.” She answered with a grin, waving off his thanks casually. It was appreciated but the way he thanked her made it seem as though this job was a hassle which, it really wasn’t. 

Nodding her head, she pursed her lips together at his response. She wasn’t Dante’s caretaker so she couldn’t make him go to bed like she had to do with his son but it couldn’t hurt to try a little bit of convincing. “Well, you don’t want to stay up too late. If you’re this exhausted you might not be able to retain as much information as you think, you might even sleep through your alarm which would just be even worse, we really don’t want that.” Her tone came out sounding motherly, similar to the kind of voice she used when talking to the kids she took care of. It was practically the default for her in these kinds of situations.

When he offered her something to drink and to sit down she was a little surprised. It had been getting late and truthfully they should both be getting to bed at this point. Carmella felt rude refusing though, she had this feeling that he didn’t have a lot of interactions with other people but she couldn’t be too sure. Regardless, she accepted the offer and had a seat. “Tea would be lovely, thank you. If this is a bribe to get me to help quiz you before you completely knock out, then I accept.”

Dante almost pointed out that yes, it was Carmella’s job to take babysit Marti for a couple of hours, but lately she’s been doing so much more than just simply babysitting. Ever since school was picking up, she was staying late on the regular and sometimes taking care of him too along with Marti by getting them food or reminding him that he needed sleep. It was so much more than he was paying her for, and Dante wished he could pay Carmella accordingly, but he was already counties pennies, so the best he could do was some extra cash whenever he managed to spare it and when he was bringing food home, making sure there was enough for Carmella.

It would be over at some point, though. If he could just finish school, he might be able to get himself a job with a better salary and then he could spend more time with his son and actually pay some of this back to Carmella. That was the plan, at least, and he desperately hoped it would work.

He didn’t say any of this, though, instead he just gave him a small smile and said, “Well, I still thank you for all of it. I would be lost without you.”

And then just like clockwork, as if Carmella subconsciously wanted to prove Dante’s point, reminded him that he needed sleep to make sure he could perform during tomorrow’s tests, and he wasn’t sure what he’s done to deserve her, but he felt like the luckiest person that she managed to find him and somehow convince her to put up with him and his mess.

(And by mess he meant his job and the school and how little he managed to be around, none of it included Marti. Marti was the best thing that ever happened to him and he constantly struggled with the guilt he felt that he couldn’t spend so much time with him because of school.)

He let out a small chuckle and scratched the back of his neck. “Don’t worry, no oversleeping is possible on my part. I have five different alarms set just in case, and if by any chance I don’t wake up to the first one, Marti appears in my bed before the second one would go off. But I’ll try to get a good amount of sleep, I swear. First, though, tea!”

He pushed himself up from the couch. “You just stay here, get comfortable, I’ll get the tea and everything. Do you drink it with sugar or honey? I think I should have some of both.” It was a small apartment, he couldn’t afford anything big, so the kitchen and the living room could probably fit into a bigger living room in somebody else’s house, so he was talking and asking what Carmella wanted while he moved to the kitchen and put the water onto the stove.

“Was putting Marti to bed easy? I’m not sure when I exactly passed out, but I think you were still playing with him. At least that’s the last thing I remember.” He couldn’t tell if that was the last thing that happened before he zoned out completely and he couldn’t notice what was happening around him while he studied or if that was the last thing he remembered before passing out.

The water quickly boiled and he poured out two mugs, dropped the tea, and she brought them back with both honey and sugar. “Here you go, enjoy.”

[queenofhcpes]

LILY.

Lily wasn’t exactly sure what to expect as James took a step back from her and quietly muttered to himself. The transformation, however, was nearly instantaneous and suddenly she had to figure out how to react to this. The tears, the anger, everything she had been feeling before this just seemed to stop. No longer was James Potter standing in front of her as a human but now, he took the form of a large stag. Her jaw had dropped and she stood there silently, blinking a few times as if she were dreaming. She wasn’t, the way the ceiling light swung a little because of the antlers and the feeling of his nose against her skin was enough proof that he really had just transfigured into a stag right before her eyes.

When he changed back, Lily was still speechless. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. There was a hint of a smile that tugged at the corner of her lips, as shocked and confused as she was, she was still impressed. “I-I…you’re an animagus?” Lily finally managed to sputter out. “How? When? That’s…that’s brilliant. I’m sorry…sorry that I doubted you.” Becoming an animagus was an incredibly difficult task and somehow James managed to make it happen and it was admirable.

She sniffled, gently rubbing away any excess tears that stained her cheeks. She knew what could help but did she really want to go against her word and let him help? He was so willing, despite everything, despite her outbursts and declaring that she didn’t want him involved and that she would do this herself. Shaking her head gently, Lily knew James wanted to be there for her. She couldn’t continue to push him away, it had been abundantly clear that he was going to keep coming back no matter how much she resisted.

In the end, he was right. They had plans for themselves and even if they wouldn’t happen immediately, they would happen eventually. Lily wanted this baby, and if she didn’t consider it a burden on her life then why should she assume that James thought it would be a burden on his? It just seemed like the logical conclusion to jump to but it wasn’t the case at all. Looking down at the floor for a brief moment, she tucked her hair behind one of her ears she knew she had to give in. “You’re right…as much as I’d like it to be this isn’t a one person job. Having your help…might be the thing to make me feel less terrified about everything.” She looked up at him, eyes filled with sadness but with a glint of hopefulness. “I’m sorry for freaking out. Will you help me, James?”

James couldn’t help the smugness she felt when he saw Lily taken aback, practically speechless. Not many times did anything like this happen. Usually if Lily had nothing to say, it wasn’t because he surprised her so much, it was because she was giving him the silent treatment. And he couldn’t help but feel validated and self-satisfied, enjoying finally being able to prove himself not to be a dimwit.

To be fair, he understood why she thought that of him. He never made an effort in class (okay, no, he made an effort in the last year, but by that time he was sure Lily’s opinion cemented itself of him so much that she couldn’t take him seriously when he was trying to make an effort), he often annoyed Remus to help him with the homework and generally, he cared more about Quidditch and pretty much anything else in Hogwarts than studying. But that was mostly because he just didn’t care about turning a cup into an animal. Who needed that? It was so much more interesting to hop onto his broom and fly around the castle and the grounds or figure out how to make the Marauders Map work or, as a matter of fact, how to turn himself into an animal. None of which can be showcased to Evans, unfortunately.

(Though he did try to show off with as much as possible, but Lily wasn’t that open to viewing being able to score 100 points on a Quidditch game as something that represented smartness. And maybe it wasn’t, but damn James if he didn’t try.)

“Miss Lily Evans speechless...” he grinned. “Never thought I’d see the day. It wasn’t easy. Took a lot of time. But while others were cramming for the O.W.L.s, I was learning this.” Normally he would have pretended it was easy, that he could do it after only a few tries, but this was the way he wanted to prove to Lily that he could pay attention, that he could follow things through, that he wasn’t an idiot. And he was pretty sure if they were going to do this, the less secrets and lies between them, the better. It was probably already not good that he was lying about his friends, but he wasn’t going to outs Sirius and Peter as unregistered animaguses, and he definitely wasn’t going to tell anyone about Remus, not even Lily. That wasn’t his secret to tell.

Suddenly it seemed like all the fight left Lily’s body and James’s heart was aching for the woman, and even though he wasn’t sure how she would take it, he couldn’t take it anymore and went over to Lily, sat down next to her and took her hands into his, squeezing it in what was hopefully a supporting and helpful movement. “Hey, hey, Lily, don’t apologize, okay? This is huge, of course you’re freaking out. This is a whole new life that you and I made and will have to take care of, raise. That’s definitely something to freak out about. Just-- if you freak out, freak out with me, please? Because yes, I will be here for you every step of the way, but I would rather do it with you than fight you along every step.”

He needed to get his shit together. He needed to find a job and fast. He needed to get some books, read about how this was supposed to be done. He needed to... well, he couldn’t do that, as much as he wanted to. He was on his own for this. And for the rest of his life.

“Did you tell your parents yet, Lily? Or anyone else? We’re not going to do this alone, not fully. The guys will definitely do everything they can to help, and I’m sure some of the girls will be glad to help, too, if we need it. And we will figure out everything, okay?” 

[queenofhcpes]

ISADORA.

Izzy had never been in this kind of situation before. Sometimes you think you know how you’re going to react to something but then once you’re actually in the moment experiencing it, you do the complete opposite since you never thought it would actually happen. People must have gotten stuck in elevators all the damn time and gotten out safe and sound, so why was she feeling so stressed out about it? Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was just her and Heidi, alone together along with the unaddressed elephant in the room (or in this case, elevator). 

The fact that there was no kind of notification that someone was on their way to help them just made this even more stressful for her. It was almost laughable. How was it possible that they were stuck there with absolutely no idea how long they’d be stuck? She took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes both in an attempt to relax but also to keep herself from having to make awkward eye contact with Heidi. It was as if the world wanted her to suffer for acting on impulse. It had been a common occurrence with the way she would pick up hobbies, jobs, people and then drop them on a whim but she was slowly moving past that, proof in the way she managed to keep this job for as long as she did. But now it felt like she was being punished for it, making a fool of herself and then having to sit there and face it.

Her eyes opened for a moment as she heard Heidi following her lead and sitting down beside her. Isadora could feel her face getting warm, hoping she could easily explain the blush as it getting too hot in the elevator. Not talking seemed to make things even worse and she tried to figure out what to do, what to say to stop this awkward silence as they waited. Luckily, Heidi was the one who broke the silence by telling a story that elicited a soft chuckle from Izzy. “Honestly, I don’t blame him. I think I’ll only be taking stairs from now on too.” At least this had happened before and made it more likely they would be saved. “But you’d really think they’d get that checked out if it’s happened multiple times. I’m definitely going to have to talk to someone about this. They really should shut this down until someone has properly looked at it.”

Heidi couldn’t help the small smile that formed on her lips as Isadora stated that from now on she would be taking the stairs in this building, too. She understood why Isadora would not want to use the elevators anymore, and apparently, her mind couldn’t be stopped, because it immediately jumped to Isadora’s legs as she would walk up the stairs in her usual skirts. It was so stupid, Heidi never had these kinds of thoughts before, and now that Isadora opened her eyes, her brain randomly made these connections and she simply couldn’t stop it.

And it’s not like she knew what to do, either, since Isadora seemed to be keeping her distance since their talk. And Heidi couldn’t even blame her for it.

“I’m sure you’re going to make them write a whole new line of house rules on how to keep the elevators working at all times,” she smiled fondly. Isadora was the best and most effective assistant she ever had. She was sweet and kind and she used that when dealing with others, and Heidi wasn’t sure how, but it always seemed to work and get the required results, and she had no doubt in her mind Isadora would make sure these elevators never even had a chance to glitch again.

“But don’t worry, they’ll get us out of here soon enough,” she tried to reassure the woman, though. “A lot of people use these elevators, somebody has to notice soon that it’s not running and then hopefully they’ll call somebody in and we’ll get out of here... in no time.” She wasn’t so sure about the in no time part, but they’d get out of here. She just didn’t know how long it would take them.

She took a look at her phone again, but there was still no signal. She didn’t think it would change, but she still kept checking it periodically, because they only needed a small bar once and then they could at least make a phone call, figure out how things stood on the outside. Heidi was also trying to stay calm and cool - this was the last place she needed to get anxious and angry, but she wasn’t sure if she could stay patient the entire waiting time, especially not if they would be stuck here for hours.

Sheiße, she really hoped they wouldn’t be staying here for hours, she was going to lose her mind. But at least they were heading out, and not heading in for a trial at this point.

“Wait,” she said, suddenly something crossing her mind. “You’re not claustrophobic, right?”