Okaeri.
I've been intimidated to write and allow myself to be vulnerable these past few days because I didn't want to admit to myself how lonely I have been feeling.
I've always enjoyed my freedom and independence. I like doing things on my own, seeing the world with nothing holding me back, and moving by myself, with no responsibilities to worry about. But lately, I've felt this loneliness--this longing to share these moments, both good and bad, with someone.
And I hate admitting it because it would make me seem like I wasn't secure with myself. For the longest time, I've established this independence as something that I'm immensely proud of. Free as a bird. That's what I've always wanted. So why do I feel this way now?
I guess as I've grown older and seen more of the world, the more I've also realized how much I want to connect with someone and be able to share these beautiful memories with. And after a long day of exploring, somehow, all I want is to be wrapped up in someone's arms. To feel safe, warm, and loved.
To know that at the end of the day, someone is waiting for me to come back. That somewhere in the world, I have a place, a person to come home to.
I'm tired of temporary shelters. Of finding solace and comfort in someone's arms knowing that I won't be seeing them again in a week. I'm tired of kissing another person's lips, of sharing intimacy and secrets, knowing that they'll be lost somewhere forever because they were never mine to hold on to. Just another night, another person, another passing memory. Just another temporary shelter from this long journey.
I yearn for a permanent home. For safety. For a lighthouse that would guide me back, no matter how far I've sailed. For an anchor to keep me steady no matter how strong or turbulent the waves may be. For someone to always welcome me back, no matter what happens.
I'm tired of temporary shelters.
All I want is to find someone who would always welcome me home.
Tadaima.















