“So… you’re a ‘virgin’ virgin?” is a question I’ve been asked multiple times in disbelief by my peers, followed by a series of reactions either reducing my womanhood to a thirteen year old adolescent, or ridiculing me for waiting for so long and even being laughed at. I always feel reluctant and a bit awkward about being a twenty-four year old virgin. Just when I thought I was all alone, not having many friends that are abstaining from sex, MTV decided to produce a new reality show called Virgin Territory. I wasn’t at all caught off guard, since I had roamed their casting section this past spring.
The cast is made up of a variety of people from different walks of life ranging in the 18-25 demographic, but the season premier showcases what TV producers might label as “typical” virgins. Two of the girls are waiting until marriage, while the “sensitive” and hot, yet extremely shy guy with no sexual experience confesses that he just wants a meaningful relationship. We are introduced to Dominique, who is 21 and doesn’t act like a “typical” virgin as she puts it. Phrases like “acting like a virgin” or “doing typical virgin stuff” were tossed around a few times during her scenes, where she even admitted to going to clubs, dancing, drinking, holding conversations with (you guessed it) the opposite sex, and doing all the stuff normal people do. If that’s considered not acting like a virgin (because we live in the 1920’s and wear skirts to the floor), then I guess I broke the mold as well. At one point Bride to be, Lisa, mocks the fact that all her virginal friends are throwing her a Bachelorette party and ‘buying lingerie’. I guess days of the week and cartoon panties are the only draws virgins shop for? The greatest moment in the first episode is when Lisa has a come to Jesus moment with her fiancé about how many times he thinks he’s going to bust a nut (not her words, all mine). She showcased how innocent (Naïve) some people allow themselves to be simply because they are virgins. Either way, I was surprised by how stereotypical the show is, and reinforces all of the ridiculous questions and comments many virgins experience.
“You’re a REAL virgin?” Uh, when did we suddenly become a myth? This isn’t Twilight, fool!
“I bet you’re a tease.” And I bet you’re an idiot!
“Have you ever seen a penis?” A little personal, don’t you think?
“Do you watch porn at all?” Because sharing porno stories with complete strangers and acquaintances is considered normal to those sexually active.
“Have you ever masturbated?” HAVE YOU?
“Aww you’re so cute. That is so adorable!” Thank you, let me just pick my ego up off the floor.
“Good for you! Stay that way ‘cause you aren’t missing anything.”
“WHAT!!! You don’t even know what you’re missing.”
“You’re waiting for marriage? What if you never get married though?” Well there is a million dollar question that’s floated through my head plenty of times, but i’m surviving if that’s your main concern.
You don’t dance like a virgin. The funniest of them all since my ability to dance is based off my sexual experience. VIRGINS TWERK, TOO!
As funny as all of those comments can be, it made me ask a very serious question: Does being a virgin affect how others see me as a woman? I use the term woman instead of female because it’s obvious I was born of female species, but sexuality is associated with maturity. If I had a quarter for every time someone hit me with the “Aww, you’re so innocent” line...
After having a very insightful conversation with a co-worker close in age range, I realized why I never felt feminine enough. My ability to withhold the P made me feel inexperienced in dating, and often younger in spirit than my peers. My issues with feeling like a woman at twenty-four where rooted in my sexual experience, which was a flop compared to many of the stories shared, and the sexually charged media shoved down my throat, no pun intended. Every passing year that I went without a boyfriend and held on to my virginity after graduating high school, the horrific idea of being inexperienced created a wall in viewing myself as sexy. Much like Kyle and Makaela from Virgin Territory, I struggle with approaching or being approached by the opposite sex. I wasn’t aware this was such an issue until I found myself being attracted to a guy in college who less than three years older. He was on his Idris Elba chocolate swag, and here I was a first year lusting after a well-known Senior. I would joke with my friends about how fine he was, and how he could ‘get it’ but inside I knew if the opportunity presented itself, I’d turn into a shy school-girl and meekly decline. The images that exist in my mind when referencing sex are my favorite black love movies (and The Notebook). A woman’s ability to feel sexual without guilt shouldn’t be based upon her sexual encounters, nor should we be reduced to little girls. Society puts out this image that you should be shunned and labeled a loser if you haven’t had sex after a certain age. Maybe MTV should have Girl Code address virgin life after high school, while I continue looking for the answers on how to properly get laid on google.
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