𝙤𝙡𝙜𝙞𝙞'𝙨

𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙧 | 21

[olgiisworld]

No1 Party Anthem // Jeon Jungkook

Summary; Lea is in love, but she's never done anything about it. She's willing to change that. Part 1.

Warnings; none, honestly

Word Count; 1,903

Note; Just a test, wanting to see if this would make an interesting series! English is not my first language!

"So what? What is it exactly that you're gonna do in Paris?"

I heard my best friend's agitated voice in the background, like i wasn't known for my randomness.

i wasn't.

i was, in fact, the least spontaneous person one would get to know.

"Emma, relax. Okay? You know i'm here to find him, that's what i'm gonna do. When i find out where is the freaking thermostat in this place.."

I pressed a round button i found on a near wall, but the power went off, and i screamed so loud, that the poor girl on the other side of the call screamed for her life, even if she was miles away, back to California.

"Why are you screaming?!" I called out to her, as i found my phone in the dark

"Because you screamed! You scared me!"

I chuckled out a huff of disbelief before moving around the shitty hole they called 'airbnb' for 100€ per night in Paris.

"I think i messed with the switch of electricity and i can't find the damn panel"

i used my phone as a source of light as i walked down the hall of the old building, hoping it's somewhere around the door and hoping i wouldn't have to call the landlords.

"Careful, Lea. You're in a foreign country for a man you haven't found yet -let me remind you that- and your place is now out of power. I'm pretty sure these are all signs for you to come back. Please come back, I'm scared without you!"

I rolled my eyes at the miserable lecture she had to give me for what seemed like the seventeeth time today. I stopped in my tracks when i noticed a board that seemed like the electricity panel and i walked straight to it, holding my phone up as a lighter.

"I've only been gone for 14 hours, i'm pretty sure you'll manage two more days without me. I go to his concert, meet him backstage, give him my number and then i'm on a plane back to warm California with the best electricity system."

And with a pull on a switch, the light was back on my airbnb down the hall. I smiled to myself proudly before Emma's words cut through the phone in the most serious tone.

"Do you realize how stupid this is? You happened to run to this guy a few times and you're now convinced he is the love of your life? So you follow him around the world? This is just creepy, Lea! You're not like this! What's wrong with you? Has he pulled on weird voodoo shit on you or something?"

I let out a loud sigh as my steps echoed softly on the humid walls, hoping everyone around my apartment was asleep.

She did make it sound like i'm a creep, following guys around the world, but that was not the case. I just happened to be a boring person who never purchased anything they've ever liked. Well, this, i would.

I closed the door softly behind me, her impatient breathing only signaled that she was expecting an explanation. I couldn't blame her, she was just worried about her best friend's sanity.

"I'm fine. Believe it or not, i've never felt better, even if i'm locked in a shit hole. I'm in Paris! And i owe this to myself, i wanna go talk to him, i need to give him my number. He invited me here."

"He only told you to join a concert if you're ever available, he never said 'cross the world and find me in my concert in France'! Do you listen to yourself?"

She was now borderline yelling and i understood the crash-out but Jesus, she wouldn't let me breathe.

"I'm a big girl, Emma. I know what i'm doing and who i'm doing it for."

A moment of silence passed from her side, like she was trying, pushing herself to understand, but she wouldn't get it. Her voice came out resigned now.

"One summer ago, you had no idea he existed"

I slumped my body down the old, creaky couch and i sighed once again, a bit more heavily. My eyes were glued on an old picture right above the headboard of the wooden bed. Why did i even pay 100€ for this shit hole?

"But now i do, and he does too. And.. i can't make you see it, but he makes my heart beat so fast that i think it might explode... but it never does, he only makes it beat, he only keeps it alive.. and i've never felt more..alive."

I knew she was rolling her eyes because of her next comment.

"I'm pretty sure many girls say that about him, he's in a freaking band"

I could only chuckle. It was true.

"I feel like i'm living the wattpad-harry-styles dream."

She let out a sarcastic, little mocking laugh

"Well, it's not funny"

I let out a genuine laugh though before i moved to my suitcase, leaning down to unzip it open and choose a decent outfit for an evening stroll in cold Paris.

"I'll leave you now, i'm gonna hop on some sightseeing and i'll grab a bite. Goodnight."

Her voice came out after a soft huff.

"It's morning here."

I let out another little laugh at the snarky comment.

"Okay, smart-ass. Have a good day. Alright?"

She simply let out a hum of resignation and she spoke in a grumpy mumble.

"Careful there, okay? Keep me updated. Goodbye. Idiot."

She hung up before i could insult her back but i smiled.

They learn so fast.

I changed into a pair of jeans and a comfy sweatshirt that I nearly prayed it'd keep me warm. I didn't know Paris could be cold, I thought that was northern's Europe job.

Wasn't it strange for a girl to stroll around unfamiliar streets late at night in a foreign country? I didn't think anyone would give a damn, and thus, I took my headphones.

Zero sense of danger.

I was on cloud nine at the prospect of finding him again -of simply meeting his pretty, brown eyes that resembled smoky quartz. The intensity he brought into my life was the only element that I've ever felt missing, without even knowing it existed.

And the moment the headphones covered my ears and my eyes were feeding off the beautiful sights in Paris's streets, my mind was lost back into the memory of our first meeting, like a movie scene.

[olgiisworld]

𝑰𝑴𝑷𝑶𝑺𝑬 // 𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒆𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒐𝒍

Summary; everyone has rough moments, periods of their lives that they feel like they wanna be swallowed into nothingness, but at least y/n and Cheol have each other.

Y/n × Scoups of Seventeen, genre: pure angst, sad, despair, frustration in a drabble

Warnings/ Notes: swear words and a depiction of mental health moments that everybody should be aware of. If you're struggling, or know someone who's struggling, reach out to a loved one, pretty please ♡.

Word count; 1,397

P.S. : I'm sorry for any possible mistakes, English is not my first language! The fiction below, including the pictures next to Cheol's, is inspired by Bad Omens' song 'Impose' which i love with my whole heart.

——————————————————————

I pushed him away as I tried to run down the stairs as quickly as possible, without falling down face flat on the tiles of the dirty metro station.

He wasn't having it. I remember his voice echoing through the empty building, the late hour indicating that it was closed. But I didn't care, and he most certainly didn't care.

"What do you want?!"

I called out as his steps got louder and louder behind me, making me increase my pace. He wasn't having it.

"Why are you running away? Because of what I said? You know it's bullshit, I said it right after sex, I was lightheaded-"

His fingers wrapped around my wrist to stop me, but they made me flinch instead and I pulled my hand away quickly, inevitably turning to face him when i saw the railings in the train station keeping it locked.

"You fucking asked me how I'd feel if you left me while I'm asleep? How, in any case, would that make you feel after sex?"

I spoke through gritted teeth, holding back tears for the nth time this week.

He rolled his eyes, a huff of disbelief escaping his thin lips, pressed together in frustration.

"I'd certainly not run away or cause a scene that would last more than two hours. It's the second day I'm chasing you around. I had to come to that stupid party of your bitch-ass friend to find you and talk to you because you're avoiding my calls!"

I didn't even realize it when my eyebrows furrowed in madness because of what I was hearing.

"I want to be alone, your words made it pretty clear that you want it too, so yes, I'm avoiding your calls!"

"Like all mature adults would do"

I could basically feel him rolling his eyes. He was tired of chasing me. Even tired of trying to talk to me anymore. And I didn't know why. What did I do? Didn't I love him enough?

I took a sharp breath in, in order to steady my beating heart which was about to burst from the disappointment at any moment.

"Then I'm leaving first. You don't have to worry about me not realizing it sooner. It's pretty clear."

He grabbed my wrist before I could walk past him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

My eyes met his, the familiar flame I used to see was buried under fatigue, under the desperate need of a break. I felt guilty, almost responsible for taking him rebellious and making him miserable. My own gaze softened into one of despair.

"Are you serious? You've been avoiding a real conversation in months, you've only wanted sex, thinking that a couple of kisses would be enough to keep me satisfied forever and you've increased your daily cigarettes intake. Starting philosophical discussions right after sex isn't normal, either. You've been miserable, I made you miserable."

He shook my whole body unexpectedly with his hand, like he was trying to make me focus, bring me back to the ground. The defense in his voice didn't go unnoticed.

"Hey. I'm only human. I can make a fucking mistake. I won't leave you, alright? Why would I come chase you around like a dog if I planned to leave you when you made it so easy for me?"

My eyes -wide and focused on his- only held disappointment, denial of the situation. But he hadn't been doing well.

I shook my head in confusion, in a mix of emotions that were visible in my expression.

"Because you just.. you have feathered your own nest..you're all settled in the familiar, miserable situation, you're tired to try again.."

He pushed me back.

He pushed me.

My eyes went wide. He would never touch me like this.

"What do you know?! What do you fucking know?!"

He yelled.

I was dumbfounded.

The echo from the empty station reached my ears, making the beating of my heart deafening.

There was familiar harshness in his gaze. One that I hadn't seen in years though.

"You think you know everything? When I'm saying something, you can't doubt me. I know what I'm saying. Okay? You're a big girl, I don't have to sugarcoat."

His voice returned to a normal volume, but I was still shocked.

My eyes fell on my feet, noticing how I felt for the first time in my life with the person I love. I felt like I was imposing.

"Seungcheol. It's okay to let me go, if you need."

There was a long pause of silence, an eerie sound came creeping from the wind, down to the closed off spot. He looked at me like he was both fuming and losing his whole purpose.

Long-calloused fingers ran desperately through his locks, before he looked at me like his whole world was collapsing, and i was holding it into place.

"Why would i ever let you go? Huh? What is it? Do you really think I'm a lost cause?"

His eyes took the edge of desperation, of frustration that neither I could understand. I flinched back, til my back hit the cold, stoned wall.

My eyes fell down, holding both terror and pain. I didn't wanna be there. And it was the first time i ever felt that way around him. Well, maybe not the first. I attempted speaking but my voice came out weak.

"You hurt me. But I'm not sure if you're the one who hurts me, or if I'm the person who broke you. I can't reach you anymore.. it's like.. you're so deep in your head, you won't let anybody in.."

I was scared to meet his expression, because my eyes followed his steps and he had moved closer. My head lifted with reluctance, and what made the sound of my heart cracking louder than the echoes of our yells through the station, was his broken expression. Pain. Pure fear. Exhaustion.

He broke in front of me, and it was the first time he hugged me like i was literally an anchor to his life, fingers digging into my skin like he couldn't bear the thought of closing his eyes, in case i disappeared.

It hurt. But what hurt way more was not recognizing him.

I fell in love with his spirit, his confidence, his know-it-all nature, because to me, he was truly a genius. And now he was a fragile creature, holding onto me like i was the glue to his broken pieces.

And once you break something, it's never the same.

His voice broke the heavily charged silence.

"Everywhere i go.. i just.. i feel like i have no place in this world, not a home to go to, not a phone number to memorize, not even a memory to run to when i need some comfort.. everything is broken...and, and..nothing is mine.. One day, i'll just disappear. Will not exist. Nothing can prove that i existed."

He slowly pulled back from my embrace, without letting go of my skin, of course. I had never focused on him more than i had in that exact moment, that i finally found the keys to the jungle of his head.

"The only prison i get to go.. it's my brain.. it's the only home for me.. and i closed off.. Everywhere i go, i feel like i impose.."

His eyes filled with unshed tears that needed to spill, and my hand cupped his cheek with such tenderness that he probably never received before.

"I have nothing to call mine..."

He whispered in the most pained voice, and the tears finally struck. And I blinked when i heard him sob. Because i had never felt such a strong need to protect something.

"I'm yours.."

It was the only thing i could whisper, the only thing i felt was needed to be said, coming from the deepest pits of my heart. And he burst into long strides of tears, sobs, snot, trembling even. But i never promised i'd be there in happy moments only.

His eyes held a hopefulness that i had been dying to see for months.

"I'm your proof."

I nodded softly, pulling his face closer gently so he was leaning down, the warm skin of his forehead pressing against mine.

"Forever."

I promised.

And he closed his eyes like he finally trusted i wouldn't disappear.

[olgiisworld]

Love is just a camouflage of what resembles rage. // Kim Mingyu

Summary; you're tired of holding onto broken ropes, the flame between you and Mingyu died down a long time ago, even if you're in denial. And your body only seeks familiar comfort, so you lock up to your dance studio, day and night. But he won't let you live.

Y/n x Mingyu of Seventeen, genre: angst, sad, a little pessimistic, or maybe realistic.

Word count; 1,113

Note; it's a little boring, I'm sorry. It's just a little drabble of my thoughts that I wrote a long time ago, inspired by a song I really love. I was bored, so I thought I'd post it. English is not my first language, sorryyyy! Smoochies!

The one thing that this man taught me was that.

My only escape was dance. I danced from morning to evening, lost in music, lost in my only safe space inside the little dance studio I rented for a couple hundred dollars. I tried to make a living, and to do that, i needed my physical health.

how could i live when all i could think about was him?

him when i danced, him when i walked, him when i slept.

spinning and jumping, rolling and walking, i was lost into the music when he opened the studio's door, his steps clearly in a rush when he turned off the cd player. I let my body collapse on the dance floor, chest moving up and down with short, sharp breaths escaping my mouth when i looked over to see what he was doing, my head upside down.

"If you don't want your phone, then you should throw it away"

he simply stated, and i saw his arms crossing over his chest, lips in a thin line. i turned around to look at him properly, still catching my breath as my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"what?"

"you've been hiding in this damp basement, all alone, instead of answering any of my calls"

i huffed out when i heard his response.

"who do you think you are? prince Charles? do i have to answer your calls?"

"yes- you do."

his voice was harsh, but his gaze was even harsher, and my heart dropped to my stomach. how could i love a man that barely cared? that barely put any effort? that barely is alive...

"why won't you get my calls then?" a simple question that was so hard for him to answer, and that was what i hated the most about him.

he looked away, the familiar bitter sigh escaping his lip as he tried to find a reason to justify his behavior, for what seemed like the millionth time.

i waited. and i waited. like i always did. i picked up my broken pieces from the floor and i stood up, expecting his new excuse. but his voice came out soft, low, almost tired.

"it's over, anyway.. i don't know why i even bother to talk to you. you never understood, you never will, you never wanted."

the thumping of my heart was probably louder in his ears, rather than mine. my legs took a few quick steps closer to his body, like i was trying to realize that he had truly given up.

"why did you call? why do you always call if you're so broken that i cannot even fix you, why do you bother if you don't want any help, why are you torturing me?''

this was not always the case. i wouldn't burst in tears in front of him every so often. but it all led to here.

once upon a time, he'd make me laugh, he'd plaster a smile on my face that was impossible to break, butterflies in my stomach that were impossible to chase away, with a simple kiss.

then, he lost his career. and i found mine. his band broke up, my dance career flourished. and i got many projects, leading to fights. big, ugly fights. and of course, i'd reject those projects, for his sake.

his slump swallowed him whole, leaving me alone, neglected, in the pit of failure. he made me believe that i was not good enough. the person that once wrote me love letters, letters with words of pure support, that i'd still sometimes press to my lips, just because they held a piece of him that i'd never see again.

but none of these were him anymore.

he lost everything, including me. because i left, i started over. but he'd still call, he'd still seek for me, because i was the only one to ever truly love him.

he was unable to love himself. or anyone, for the record.

his voice came out like a broken murmur.

"i'm scared. if you leave, i'm dead."

and these words still haunted me. these were his last words back when i left, and they were holding me hostage in my own pool of guilt.

"do something for yourself, find a new band, find new people to work with, establish something yours, and leave me alone.. please.."

my voice came out desperate, almost pleading, expressing more exhaustion than his ever did.

"i want you in my life. even from afar."

i found my chance, the perfect chance to say what i had been avoiding to say through a phone call.

that's why i didn't answer.

i walked past him, reaching the bench beside the mirror wall, taking my bottle of water and taking a sip to wash away all the guilt, before i finally talked.

"that's good. because i'm leaving."

his eyes followed me all the way through the studio, til they went wide in disbelief, confusion, fear.

"go where?"

i took a seat, trying to word it out as clear as possible, my eyes finally meetings his.

"away. to Europe. for a project, or maybe forever."

i said softly, and it was finally the first time i stood up for myself, a strange sense of accomplishment filling my chest.

it was like he heard all that he ever dreaded. but he didn't talk at all. it was like he replayed everything that has happened through the past year.

like he realized it was over.

six words came out of his mouth, and my soul left my body.

"i don't deserve to have you."

he said that.

i walked up to him and i hugged him. it wasn't exactly a hug of love. mostly a hug of mutual shame, about something both of us knew that should have ended a long time ago. and he hugged me back tightly, burying his face into my neck. my voice held out the last piece of bitterness i held inside me.

"You never needed any help."

i started.

"you sold me out to save yourself. thus, i'm leaving, to finally do something for myself. i'll be gone by the end of the month."

he couldn't argue, he couldn't say anything because he had no right to.

he pulled away to look at me, his eyes holding shame and regret, but the lingering bitterness would always be visible, even if he tried to hide it.

i wasn't sure if he loved me, and he let me go.

but he did.

"last kiss?'

he asked in a broken whisper.

and my response was "last kiss".

before his lips met mine into a painful mixture of emotions.

for the last time.

[olgiisworld]

𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙗 // 𝙅𝙚𝙤𝙣 𝙅𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙠𝙤𝙤𝙠

summary: you go out for a night with your friends and you meet your loveliest person. Something like a drabble.

Y/n x Jungkook of Bts, genre: aesthetic, cute and a bit explicit. Acts of affection.

word count; 939.

warnings; a bit of explicitness, but no mentions of sexual activities.

note; I hope everyone has an amazing day! English is not my first language, I'm sorry for any mistakes! <3 don't be afraid to share your thoughts here <3

taking down shot after shot wasn't usually what took me down. alcohol made me high. or, at least, it did, 'til i turned 25 and i couldn't hold my alcohol so well. i gagged after the 5th shot.

i looked around at the calm mood of the pub, the fun music echoing through my ears as giggles and lightweight movements escaped my tipsy body. thank god, my friends were just as lightweight and i wouldn't be the only one embarrassing myself.

lost in the music, the delicious tequila shots and the wave of smoke that surrounded my body from all the cigarettes of men who couldn't keep their hands (let alone their eyes) to themselves - i didn't even notice him walking so confidently towards me.

where did he find me?

was it my perfume that allured him here, or was i so damn drunk that i couldn't discern between reality and delusion?

he wrapped his fingers around my arm, pulling me towards his toned torso, making me whine because he interrupted my dance session with my friends.

i turned to look at him, my gaze betraying my tipsiness. i smiled in a way that indicated how i could only come up with a couple slurred words.

he took a long drag of his cigarette, held between his delicate, tattooed fingers.

he had many tattoos. pretty tattoos. and pretty eyes. that were looking into mine, studying me.

he put out the, almost, fresh cigarette into a nearby ashtray.

i dropped my hazy gaze to his lips, in case he wanted to talk and i'd have to understand. but then, i followed the beautiful cloud of smoke that escaped his lips, fascinated like i was seeing glitter thrown to air, before i heard his low voice.

"what are you doing here?"

my mind was preoccupied with how pretty he looked without any effort, but maybe it was due to tipsiness. my lips formed a soft, confused pout, repeating his question in a drunken mumble.

"what are you doing here?"

he laughed.

i shivered at the sound of his soft chuckle. i guess he knew i was drunk. he pulled me closer by my arm, making me stumble and fall closer to him.

"i knew you'd be here, and i came to see you."

my eyes followed his features, the familiar flame behind his gaze, and the soft smirk playing on his lips, making my wild imagination run.

"why.."

his smirk widened at my innocent question, and he leaned closer to my ear.

"because i haven't seen you all week, baby."

his low voice made my brain tingle. the nickname he occasionally gave me, made my stomach flip.

i hadn't seen my pretty boyfriend in a week. but i couldn't blame him, he had business to take care of. his job demanded dedication and mostly trips, that i sadly couldn't always accompany him to, because i chose the wrong career.

i should have become an influencer back in covid.

meh.

his voice interrupted my train of thought.

"you're so beautiful, baby. i can't help but admire what i see."

his hand traveled down the side of my body, from my waist to my hip, sending a wave of fire through my body. i spoke in a soft, strained mumble, trying to contain my need for his touch.

"i missed you.."

i cupped his hand on my hip and i dragged it down my backside.

his smirk widening indicated that he liked it. i felt him leaving a wet kiss down my neck before mumbling against my skin with his low, hoarse voice.

"i'll make sure you won't miss me for a long time..''

his gave my butt a little squeeze before returning his gaze to mine.

"you plan on leaving me again?"

i asked in a soft, disappointed pout, which he picked up on my tone.

his free hand ran through my hair, pulling me close for a kiss, to which i responded by melting. he smiled before pulling back.

"i have a few more shows around, and then i'm yours."

i sighed in resignation, before i spoke in a determined voice, thanks to alcohol.

"i'll come with you."

and it was the first time i saw his eyes widen and his smile so big. he pulled me closer, resting both hands on my backside. he seemed.. amused.

"you will? how come?"

i whined softly, despite his surprise. my hands softly traced the lines of his shirt, up to his chest, feeling the warmth of his body beneath my palms.

"i've missed you, baby. i want this tour to end and have you all to myself. is that too much?"

a smile creeped upon his lips when he heard my little whine and he pulled me close to him, pressing my body on his, his voice lowering even more as he leaned to my ear.

"let's go to the bathroom.."

my breath hitched when i heard his words and i spoke quickly.

"we're in public!"

i half-whispered and half-yelled, trying to conform him, but it only made him smirk.

"since when are you shy?"

i felt his hands ran up and down my body, the rest of the pub suddenly fading into background before i let out a soft whine of reluctance. but the way he looked at me, made me melt.

i needed him.

"fine.."

i said in a soft mumble, and soon enough, his hand dragged me behind the pub, into the bathroom, where he made me give up all my sexual frustration, once and for all.

[olgiisworld]

Please remove the rest of the member tags from your Seungcheol fic. The story isn’t about them and it clogs the search feeds of the other members, especially on mobile which is super annoying.

Sorry, I didn't know! I'm new to this!

[olgiisworld]

The interview // Choi Seungcheol

summary; you and Seungcheol have been a public couple on the media, both of you big artists, him being the leader of the group named Seventeen. Things have been a little rough lately due to lack of communication. You're invited to talk on a podcast about your recent achievements, but when your personal life is mentioned as a topic, you get bitter, and you don't manage to hide it. But how about the consequences?

Y/n x Seungcheol of Seventeen, genre: angst, frustration and unfairness with a hint of fluff in the end.

Word Count; 4,476 (oopsie)

Warnings; swearing

note; it took me months to finish this (mostly because of loss of inspiration, so you might notice inconsistency), but it's nothing special. Although you might like it :) I'd love to see comments! thank you for your support on my Beomgyu one-shot <3 smoochies ♡

it's been a while i've felt like shit. it's been a while i've felt more welcome to talk to the wall than talking to Seungcheol.

talking to Seungcheol seemed so hard for some reason. all we've been doing is fighting or ignoring each other. and that would be okay, if we didn't have each other's house keys.

it is hard to maintain a relationship that happened to go public, when none of you planned it. both me and Seungcheol being public figures really sat bad, especially with his constant need of privacy.

but it is hard. we can't just not leave the house.

that's mostly the reason we've been fighting.

everyday was a circle.

i return back to his apartment, where we had a silent agreement to meet everyday after work. my body and mind exhausted from all the work i've put in the studio. frustration seeping through my body, because of the disagreements i've had with the rest of my colleagues. concern, pain, fatigue, everything coming together, creating this unpleasant expression on my face. i know i seem cold.

but he just sits there. slumped on his couch. eyes fixed on the familiar black box. he cares enough to say "hey, how's work?", but not enough to ask about how I am. so i just shrug my shoulders and walk past him.

that's my life with my 'oh-so-wanted' boyfriend.

i'm a starved woman.

starved from love, from affection, from tenderness, from touch.

just touch.

his touch.

he hasn't touched me in god knows how long. all i get are dead kisses.

the repetition of each day made me feel angry, frustrated, pained, disappointed. made me feel like i was not worthy of him.

and the worst thing is that i cannot communicate my thoughts with the person i love.

he seems so stressed with his upcoming tour, that giving him one more reason to yell will only break him.

so i suffered in silence.

last week's fight was interesting.

a photo of us shopping together started making its way around social media. Seungcheol hated social media. and we both looked quite miserable in the photos, but i don't know if he noticed.

he yelled at me for not being careful enough.

apparently, i was the reason they saw us and they took those fucking pictures. like i enjoy being on strangers' camera rolls.

and i yelled back.

and we fought.

again.

damn it.

i cried so hard and he didn't even try to comfort me.

he didn't even touch me.

he didn't.

he didn't try to reach out.

he wouldn't even touch my hand by mistake.

i was so fed up.

so fed up of not feeling desired by the only person i loved..

the week passed, the same circle repeating itself.

i started going back to my house after work. Seungcheol didn't even try to ask why. he only said "i get that you might need space".

I am the one who needs the space?

i didn't even argue back. i knew where this was going and i felt like i was finally ready.

today, i had an interview.

nothing huge, just a small podcast. friendly podcast.

i wore comfortable clothes and hid my fatigue behind foundation and blush. i was okay with pretending like everything was fine.

it only broke my heart that people assumed "i am the happiest i've ever been". because people can only make assumptions. people only see the pictures. people only see the smiles, the kisses. or even the fatigue. but, "oh, everything is okay, she's got her man".

but what about Seuncheol?

people saw that he was stressed. people saw that he's probably not happy. people really had the audacity to say "i'm not good enough for him"!

like, fuck they know? they know nothing

and he never said anything. he never addressed those comments.

why?

because he believes that "what people say are bullshit"

but it sounded more like i'm not worth a small clarification.

i grabbed my keys and phone, closed my door and headed to the podcast set up.

everything was really friendly.

Alex, a familiar face of mine, would host the show.

i've happened to meet her before, at after-parties and gatherings, so we had talked before. everything was comfortable.

the podcast started shortly after and the talk was great. we also had a drink and a girls' talk that actually helped me take my mind off of my stress.

at one point, she turned to look at me when i sipped a little of my drink.

"so, um, i just.. i wanted to ask a few things, i know you don't really talk about your personal life, and that's why the questions are quite.. generic? you know.. of course, you can tell me to stop"

i felt some concern wash over me, as to what the consequences of this conversation could be. but i shrugged it off with a soft chuckle as i fixed my posture, leaning a little closer to the microphone.

"no, don't worry about it, shoot"

she smiled and read the notes of her phone, taking a quick sip of her drink as well.

''so, what is it like to be in a relationship?"

she looked at me with a small smile.

and all i could do was huff, trying to find an adequate answer.

i leaned back to the microphone.

"honestly? really hard"

Alex shot an eyebrow up in surprise.

"really? why, girl? is it hard for two great artists to live up to everyone's expectations?''

she chuckled and i just shook my head in thought.

i tried to put my thoughts in a row. it's hard to express everything i feel to someone after being so.. alone.

but i felt frustrated and fed up at the moment.

i fidgeted a little on my seat.

"i don't know.. it's not like there are no hardships in a relationship anyway.. it's just.. you can't find a way out of a hardship without communication, or respect. or understanding. there are many elements that have to balance out the hardships of a relationship, you know? at least that's how i view it"

i shrugged, my implication clear.

Alex caught my glimpse.

she nodded and looked at her phone shortly.

"that is really interesting, but everything can work out with love and patience"

i nodded, my smile a little bitter

"i guess.. i can't really tell you"

she tried to play it off with a small chuckle and i forced a smile

"i know you guys don't talk about your relationship, and privacy request is respected. but, not even posting moments on social media.. that's amazing. i actually admire that. it shows how strong your bond can be."

i chuckled, bitterness lingering on my laugh.

"not really. i wouldn't mind posting a picture or two. privacy is very much needed, but it's not like we have something to hide, or something to be so private about.. anyway, i really don't think it's that serious. but everyone has their own point of view."

she nodded, not wanting to pry on the matter, since she noticed my uneasiness.

she read of her notes again.

"does he inspire you to write?'

the question felt like a stab to the heart.

i couldn't say 'he used to'

and i couldn't say 'no' either

but i didn't want to lie.

i took a deep breath, trying to collect my words. i leaned on the microphone one more time.

"i don't really get inspired by real people.. mostly fictional characters, fictional situations.. nothing real. i used to find material from real life but.. i guess, my style changed"

i shrugged and forced a chuckle, trying to shake the feeling off.

Alex nodded and put a smile on her face.

"alright then, let's move on.."

i let out a breath i didn't even know i was holding. i took a sip of my drink, feeling quite relieved that we moved on from that topic.

the rest of the podcast went great, but i was tired and i couldn't wait for it to end.

as soon as we were done, i shook hands with Alex, she informed me about the slight editing she wanted to do, she thanked me and i thanked her back. she said that the episode would be out by the end of the week. i smiled and thanked her for having me. and i left.

i returned to my miserable apartment. the silence defeaning.

i hadn't seen Seungcheol in a week, but he didn't really seem to care.

i just left my shoes and coat next to the couch. i had lost my appetite completely.

i sat on the couch and took my phone in my hand.

i checked some of my messages and i saw Seungcheol's name among the notifications.

'Hey, is everything okay'

again.

not how I am. not if I am okay.

he really didn't give a damn about me.

i texted back a 'fine, no worries' and threw my phone at the end of the couch.

i started crying.

the only thing that comforted me was the sound of my own crying.

i hugged my arms around me and fell back on the couch. i was lost. i needed navigation. and he couldn't fucking give it to me.

[...]

Friday.

i headed back to my car after a long exhausting session at the studio. once i fastened my seatbelt, i grabbed my phone to check on some missed calls. a notification came in, saying that my podcast with Alex was out. i smiled excitedly, and turned it on to listen on my way back home. i texted her shortly and i threw my phone next to my driver's seat. i just concentrated on the road, the podcast being a pleasant background sound.

the drive back home was short, sadly. i just picked up my stuff, my phone still playing the podcast, as i walked back to my door.

i walked in, throwing my stuff on the couch, taking off my shoes and running to the kitchen, to grab some water.

when i walked in, i saw Seungcheol leaned against the counter, arms crossed on his chest, expression serious to mad.

my whole face went white when i saw him.

"fuck! you scared me.. what are you doing here?"

i was so shocked he was in my kitchen, probably more than i should, considering that he is my boyfriend.

he took a deep breath before i heard his voice.

"what the fuck? seriously. you're the one who's shocked here."

i looked around, confused by his words. i shrugged my shoulders.

"i guess.. i don't usually find you hiding in my house.. especially after not seeing you for a whole week.."

he scoffed. he didn't leave me any room for reaction.

"and you haven't even tried to reach out for a whole week.. but i guess, that's okay. relationships don't work without communication, like you said."

his words confused me even more.

i realized that what he quoted were my words on Alex's podcast. Now everything made sense.

i walked a little closer.

''are you seriously mad about this bullshit?''

his eyes widened

"bullshit? you say that calling me out is bullshit? telling EVEYONE how you feel, except from me, bullshit?''

my own eyes widened at his words

"what?"

his lips narrowed down, his madness more visible.

"what do you fucking mean with what? you literally let every fucking idiot know what's going on between us!"

he yelled

i looked at him in shock before processing to react with a scoff

"are you serious? what, how? by telling people that i'm having hardships in my relationship?"

he took a step closer

"you could have told me! me! not everyone! making everyone believe that we suffer!"

my head tilted in pure curiosity.

"which.. we don't?''

i asked, so simply.

he looked at me, his fingers running through his hair.

"that's not the point, the point is that you let everyone-"

i couldn't bear to listen so i yelled back

"i thought you didn't give a shit about what everyone thinks! you're such a hypocrite!"

he looked at me in shock

his eyes filled with disappointment.

"you literally implied that i don't love you."

my own eyes filled with anger and hurt.

"what do you fucking mean? you mean to tell me that i'm wrong? that everything is fine? that we don't fight every single time we try to talk? that we communicate just perfectly? that you don't ignore me? that you don't act like i am a stranger? no, i'm sorry, my mistake. you would touch a stranger, even if it was a fucking accident!"

he stayed there, in front of me, his face emotionless. he just heard what i said. or dogded my words, either way, he reacted the same.

"you implied that i don't fucking love you."

at this point, i felt helpless. fed up. rock-bottom. i just shook my head and let my tears slip from my eyes.

"Seungcheol, you don't love me. and i don't care. i have accepted it."

he cracked a hint of emotion, as he lightly flinched

"what are you even saying?"

i wiped my tears quickly.

"that you're a coward. that's what i'm saying."

he took a step closer, tilting his head confused.

"how am I a coward? you're the one who went and told everyone what we're going through! and you didn't even bother to tell ME something!"

i couldn't listen, i couldn't just stand there and listen.

I let out a cynical chuckle.

"and I thought you didn't even bother to watch my interviews.. guess i'm wrong"

I wiped my tears.

he seemed even more mad.

"of course I watch your stuff, but even if I didn't want to, everyone has been sending me this stupid podcast since it came out! everyone found a chance to make fun of me!"

i replied with the same anger.

"well, sorry, but you had to take a taste of your own medicine! do you even know what people say about us online?! do you? do you know what it's like to read that I'm not good enough for you, that I don't deserve you? do you even know how everyone fucking praises you, but all of them downgrade me? do you, Seungcheol? I've been living like this for the past 1 year and I never, ever complained to you about it. Because you always kept saying that YOU don't give a fuck about what people say! so fuck you, Cheol!"

my tears were running like a river at this point, but the mad expression on his face was driving me insane. his eyebrows relaxed a bit.

I made a move to leave, not wanting to have another fight. but, something I wouldn't expect, he grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

i pulled my hand away.

"no! don't you fucking dare touch me now! I've had enough! enough! you hear me? you're so cheap! you're embarrassed that everyone knows about your relationship not working, but you don't even care enough to fix this mess! fucking coward.."

he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before he grabbed my wrist again.

he pulled me closer.

"I'm not a coward! I'm just.. stressed! really fucking stressed! and I know that you don't care-"

I stopped him.

"i don't care? I don't care?! are you stupid?!"

he tightened his grip on my wrist.

"how do you care?! you care and you don't even call me for a week? you care, but you don't tell me what's bothering you? instead, you go and talk about our problems in a podcast?"

i took a deep breath and looked at him, trying to remain calm.

"do you understand that it's easier to talk to the wall than it is talking to you?"

he swallowed down my words.

"what the fuck, y/n?"

i let out a deep breath.

i was on the verge of a mental breakdown, feeling like this conversation is the repetition of pointless yelling and arguments that were better understood by a wall.

i just shook my head, my expression full of disappointment.

"Seungcheol, i can't do this anymore."

his expression softened and he let go of my wrist, pulling his own hand back hesitantly.

his voice almost scared.

"what do you mean?"

i sighed softly, not able to hold back anymore. it was now or never. and i, unlike him, was not a coward. it was time to finally do it.

"it's not working... it can't.. it can't work... between us.."

my expectations were simple. him getting sad and disappointed or him not even caring enough to have a reaction. i surely not expected him to get mad at me, like he did.

"and you call me a coward?"

i looked at him confused. i didn't even find the chance to talk before he interrupted me.

"you're telling me that it's easier to talk to a wall, you go all out about me in a podcast, you don't text, you don't call, you don't care. and now you're breaking up with me? so, you actually don't love me."

i heard his words carefully before rolling my eyes in frustration, my reaction getting him more mad and he threw his hands in the air.

"love is not enough to hold a whole relationship up, okay-"

he yelled back, interrupting me.

"bullshit! and you know it! i love you, and i don't care if you can't see it, i care that i feel it though!"

my eyes widened slightly in shock but i managed to yell back.

"why don't you touch me?! why do you ignore me?! what have i done to you, how can you say that you love me?!"

he looked at me, his eyes mirroring the same frustration as mine did. but there was something else. the frustration was not towards me, it was towards himself.

"I don't know! i don't know! i don't know..."

his voice softened at the last 'i don't know', and i remained silent since he seemed to have a lot more to say. he let out a small sigh.

"I've been really really really stressed. really stressed. we're on the verge of canceling a world tour, our manager keeps telling us that he wants to quit, and we've lost a lot of money because of a merch company that happened to be frauds."

my mouth opened in shock at his confession.

Seungcheol never told me about any of these.

i was trying to find a reaction but i couldn't find it. so he talked instead.

"and you breaking up with me is the cherry on top. i know that i can't defend myself, and i won't sound pathetic enough to beg you to stay. if you want to leave me, it's fine. for you. i can't tie you down anyway."

his voice came out small, weak, pathetic, like he was scared to be perceived.

i managed to get my voice out.

"why didn't you say anything?"

he looked into my eyes, dead serious as he quoted me.

"do you understand that it's easier to talk to the wall than it is talking to you?"

i clenched my jaw, feeling anger instead of sympathy building up. i hit his chest, without thinking much, but he didn't even flinch. his eyes simply pierced through me.

"you're not capable of even admitting that you need me? really? i hate you!"

i felt fed up with my own self, pathetic with how miserable i was and felt. i was sad. my whole life was sad. i built a whole career that seemed to be drowning me. and my words didn't even shake his poker face.

tears streamed down my face and i couldn't control my sobs. even if i sounded pathetic, at least i was honest to my feelings.

i knew i was the reason we couldn't communicate now that we found a chance, but i was feeling too depressed to even try it.

there had been many chances in the past, and since nothing worked, this wouldn't work either. i simply cried.

he looked down for a moment, the straight line of his lips unwavering. he took a deep breath, sighing softly through his nose. i put a few strands of my hair behind my ear, while my tears were falling down like a waterfall.

i wiped as many as i could.

i knew that nothing could shake or top the tension my three simple words just created.

or at least that's what i thought, before he grabbed my chin and he kissed me.

my crying eyes opened in shock, his hand holding my lips close as his other arm creeped around me, pulling me into his embrace. the shock wouldn't let me kiss back, and i felt like he used my vulnerability to his advantage.

i felt frustrated, confused, and i pulled my head back since he held me close by my waist, trapping my hands on his chest, the feeling both new and familiar.

"i said i hate you!"

"oh shut up.."

he simply replied before pulling me back into a kiss, a hundred times more passionate than the first one. it was the first time in months that he kissed me with so much emotion. i could feel it. i could feel that he meant it. his other arm wrapped around me as well and he held me close, months after our last hug. and his embrace was so warm and nostalgic. my mind drifted to the memories of our first dates and my lips started moving against his, by instict.

my hands gently tugged on his shirt, the tears in my eyes stopping.

i felt warm.

and i hadn't felt warm like this since forever.

he kissed me with so much meaning and passion, like i would disappear if he'd let go..

after a moment, his lips moved to my jawline, placing gentle kisses along the line of it towards the spot below my ear. he placed soft kisses on my neck and his hands moved up and down my back, touching me gently. re-exploring me.

opening old wounds.

my breath became a little heavier as my mind traveled with his touch. the feeling was so new, yet so familiar to me.

i wasn't sure of what to say, how to talk.

he touched me after god knows how long.

i heard his voice, his breath tingling my neck.

"i'm so stupid.."

he simply said, but i didn't have an answer. not an an argument. he placed soft kisses on my neck, his hands traveling down my body.

"i need you so bad.. i need all of you.. in my life, forever, and right now.."

he whispered, sending chills down my spine. i haven't heard him talk like that, probably never.

"i need you right now, i love you.. i love you so much.."

he kissed my lips, his words felt like heavy prayers.

i looked into his eyes, feeling the vulnerability reaching the ceiling.

he kissed my face gently, placing a strand of hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek.

"you're the only tranquilizer i'll ever need.. i'm so sorry for never seeing it.."

he kissed my lips gently again.

i was so lost that words wouldn't even dare to come out my mouth.

but he didn't expect anything from me. he simply poured his heart out, like he hadn't done in months.

"i've been so stressed out and closed off that i didn't realize what i was doing to the only person that could help me."

his hands explored my body like he was searching for undiscovered spots.

my mouth formed a soft pout, my eyes glistening.

he pressed another soft kiss on my pout.

"baby, i'm sorry. i love you. and i'm a dick that doesn't deserve you. and i know it. i'll respect your choice to leave me."

he pressed a kiss on my cheek like a final goodbye and he softly unwrapped his arms from my body, but my hands grabbed them, almost like an instict, and i wrapped them around me again.

i kissed his lips a little more aggressively than expected by the both of us actually, and my hands cupped his cheeks. he kissed me back, without restraints.

my hands ran through his hair, softly tugging on his locks.

i broke the kiss for a breath and i talked.

"you're so stupid"

he nodded quickly, feeling breathless.

"yes, i am"

i kissed him again and i mumbled against his lips

"so stupid"

he moved his lips with more hunger as he repeated

"so so stupid"

i pulled back briefly, my chest carrying my heavy breaths, my fingers tracing the softness of his hair, his skin, leaving fire to their wake. my eyes locked in his.

i shook my head gently, processing the overwhelming emotion in my heart. i finally managed to express it.

"i love you, but you hurt me so bad"

i saw his face twisting with guilt. i knew he wasn't in a better position with all the stress he carried, but Seungcheol never meant harm. he was always a good guy. that doesn't justify his actions and i knew that, but i felt every crumb of love for him resurrecting, just because of his touch.

he spoke softly, his hands gripping on my skin.

"i'm so sorry.. i'm so so sorry.. i'll respect it if you want to leave me.."

i covered his mouth quickly, his eyes looking into mine with surpise. i sniffled softly before talking.

"i won't leave, you idiot"

he pulled my hand down, his expression more surprised and confused.

"but why?"

i sniffled again, a hint of smile that hasn't appeared on my face in months made its way on my lips.

"because i've made a mental promise to myself. i'm always by your side when you need me."

his expression turned into a melted one, his lips finding my cheek and leaving a couple of soft, loving kisses.

"i love you. i'm so sorry.''

he spoke softly, resting his forehead in mine.

i sighed softly through my nose, my emotions twirling inside of me like crazy.

"i love you too."

i added, and i closed my eyes.

he did the same.

at that time, everything felt a little more sure than usual. i clinged to that hint of hope he expressed through his words of affirmation.

my hand caressed his back softly.

why does every relationship have to go through a rough patch that leaves a part of you dead right after? you know it won't be the same. the only thing that gives you hope is the love inside you that can't die down. and i felt it, in his hug. i felt a little more sure.

[olgiisworld]

My Best Friend // Choi Beomgyu

summary; you're in love with your best friend, Choi Beomgyu, but you can't confess. You spend a nice evening with him skating, and as always, he makes your heart flutter.

Y/n x Beomgyu of Txt, genre: fluff, pure fluff

Word Count; 882.

Warnings; none

note; I hope you enjoy it :). This is an old draft. It's my first time posting on Tumblr, and English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if you spot any mistakes <3

..... .... .... .... .... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....

And the weather was soft, just like him.

His features were like a paint of a brush.. soft yet strongly noticeable. The details of his eyes captured my attention like a trap...

Wish I could take that smile off of my head but I've been thinking about it so much that my stomach automatically spins.

Sitting across the skating court, skateboarders flying around me while I lock my eyes with the sunset, drawing so very delicately the beautiful layers of the shades of it, feeling free of the things I have to do.

My best friend's skating right in front of me, dancing across the detailed scenery behind him. It made everything better. Prettier.

He was pretty.

I sneaked a glance every now and then, assured that he wouldn't see me staring at him, when he focused on his every action just to end up falling down.

But he always tried and it made me smile. I unintentionally smiled while staring, readjusting my position when his hand landed next to mine, his heavy breaths catching my attention.

"Can you give me a hair tie of yours?"

His skin is so light blended with the colors of the sunset, catching my stare 'til it moves to his eyes.

"You should buy your own, you've literally taken every hair tie I own."

He grabs my wrist and fights off my playful punches, managing to take one of my hair ties and tie his long hair into a low ponytail, taking some of it off his neck, feeling the sweet breeze brushing through his skin, smiling lightly at the sensation.

I felt myself blushing while staring at him, and I turned my attention back at my sketching.

"What's you making?"

I grabbed a few colors and proceeded to finish the small drawing before the sun sets completely. I felt his head leaning up on my shoulder, his touch sending shivers down my spine. I turned to look at him, realizing we're too close to each other, nonetheless, he did not flinch a bit.

I stayed looking into his eyes, and he did the exact same thing, unfazed. After a few seconds, he broke a smile and moved back a bit before he laughed it off, grabbing the bottle of his water, opening it while looking in front of him, all those skater girls.

My eyes fell ill in my drawing.

Does he find them beautiful? Am I boring?

Why am I not skating? Why am I sitting here, drawing this stupid picture?

He noticed the sadness in my posture, my back lowering a bit, and he immediately grabbed his camera, capturing the moment in front of him, the beautiful blend of the sunset's shades.

He loves taking pictures. He loves it so much that it's honestly the first thing I think when he comes to my mind. He's always walking around with that camera. It holds so many precious memories of him.

When I looked at him, he wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling me so close, our cheeks touching, when he turned the camera our way.

"What are you doing?!"

"Say cheese!"

The face he made, made me laugh and then, click, a new memory has been saved.

He turned to look at the picture, searching it through the box of his memories, so passionately that it made me smile.

He had so many photos of me, smiling, dancing, eating, crying, laughing. I always hated people taking pictures of me, but I never minded when he did it, 'cause in that case I found it heartwarming that I was in his memories.

He turned to show me the picture and it was so beautiful, I wanted to have it myself, something to stare at every night. Instead, I kept silent and let him have the memory we shared.

He turned it back to himself.

"You look so pretty. Have you noticed that when you smile, your eyes disappear?"

I felt my heart skipping a beat.

"What?"

"Yeah, it's like, you're so happy but you can't see. Look, here."

He moved closer to me, his one hand leaning back to support his body, landing upon mine and his other hand holding the camera full of my pictures, smiling.

I felt myself blushing so hard that he must have noticed.

I brought my hand up to fix my hair, feeling the awkwardness of my blushing spreading through the air.

Him, on the other hand, seemed clueless.

"Do you want to grab a bite?"

I felt the redness fade away when I heard his voice, so I turned back to look at him.

"Sure, I'm starving."

I stood up, grabbing my stuff and wearing my backpack, ready to leave while he was grabbing the skateboard and the camera, holding one of them under his arm and the other around his neck.

"Where are we going?" I asked, kinda confused.

"You'll see, I got something like a 'small date' planned out"

I felt the walls of my heart shattering down when he said 'small date' and I stopped to look at him.

"A what?"

"Be patient love."

He then grabbed my hand, held it tight, and led me to a small adventure, a small date.

That's when I thought..

I have the biggest crush on this man.