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Halfway nostalgic for the feeling before dying,

Not in a suicidal way but in a

"Let me feel close to that place she

Balanced floating, that last week

God let me

Wrap my hands in her and pull her back

Out of the fog" way- and I guess

Its been years and the grief has not shrunk;

Maybe its because im just still trying to

Hold her here with everything ive got

Left

All she ever wanted was to be let to die

Im sorry, im sorry,

Ive never been able to let go.

#writing #poetry #vent #mine #02262019 #kanda

Walked out from behind

A familiar wall, to find you waiting

In front of a crowd of people

Unfamiliar to me;

I never saw your face, but I could tell

By how you smelled-

Walked to stand next to you,

And you took my hand, and we both bowed-

After all,

Hadn't we been such a beautiful show?

You put a ring on my finger and i

Think we kissed, it was just like back then,

Back at the first time,

When we were both nervous and young

And wasting so much time we didnt know

We needed;

God.

#writing #poetry #dreams #mine #vent

The creature carries the hill I see in my dreams on its side

Because the creature is a place,

And a tree, and a crab, and a nest, and a society-

Which is why it is massive-

To be so many things at once!

It shrieks and the space eats the sound

Just enough until all that leaks through

Is the shrill screaming sounds

That lie deep in the silence of it;

And the high-pine fog that

Twists and twines up the mountain and the

Crowd that stands on the tall cresting ridge where the powerlines lead?

It smells like

Seafoam

#dreams #blah #writing #poetry #idefk #creature #design #poem?

To get to the graveyard,

You must first follow the crooked, thin road past the seaside town,

With its colorful houses and docks,

West into the forest at the base of the spiral hill, past

The boardwalk amusement park-

Pass through the thick, looming tree-line,

Follow the road to where

The big oil rig stands guard

In the center of the forgotten pond,

Just left of where the road bends and breaks into the water.

There is a path, dirt and worn from years of

My footsteps, perhaps-

Off to the right of the road, into the forest,

Where runoff from the hill collects in a small

Gulley of fireflies and lillies;

You will always want to walk through the water;

You must- it is a cleansing.

Follow the point in the gulley to a dirt road

Heavy with switchbacks and honeysuckle.

Somewhere up there is my nans house-

Sitting on the edge of a road like a twisted came and dropped it there-

Downhill from nans is the empty house-

The little cottage that used to be occupied by

Someone who was always warm to me

When I visited-

She used to offer tea and wisdom

But she has not been back in many years and i

Cannot recall her name or face, so she must have none, now.

Follow the road left and downhill, and you'll see the gate, in the distance-

The cemetery is small.

The fence is tall, wrought iron, spoked and embellished in fleur and vine.

The church behind the cemetery has a red door,

The windows are always dark but sometimes

There is this singing;

The cemetery has maybe 30 Graves,

I know one of them is a tall, hooded angel-

Dry charcoal gray against the sky.

She stands vigil with her head bowed, hands clasped

She is the one who prays for us.

A few are crosses, a few headstones.

Her grave is a small cross made of sticks,

Of course it is.

I visit her, most times I dream.

She used to be waiting there more often-

These days, my visits are largely lonely.

I sit, and talk, and miss her in that horrible way i have ever since.

When I am finished,

I slip through the hole in the far east fence, and run through the rose garden-

The garden that was between our houses,

Growing up-

And i walk to her house-

626, tall and white and familiar and no longer for me, or her.

Sometimes, the house is gone-

Replaced by a glowing tree, a crater, by ash.

Other times, her mother invites me in.

We talk, for a while, and she let's me stay the night in Her room-

I always wake up once i lie in Her bed.

#writing #personal #02262019 #dreamscape

The penguin runs towards the mountain.

The men intervene, and drag the penguin back.

"Out there, there is nobody. You will die, if you run to the mountain." The men say.

The penguin runs towards the mountain.

"We will not follow you. You will be lonely, and cold, and hungry, if you run to the mountain." The flock insists.

The penguin runs towards the mountain.

"I have nothing for you. Nothing but everything you have not seen." Whispers the mountain, across the vast and lonely distance.

The penguin runs towards the mountain.

#writing #poetry #unfinished

This time again you were gone,

I said hi to your mother;

She let me see your room and it was

Just like i remembered-

I dream of moving home, sometimes

But the house is never the same.

Of course it isnt.

#writing #poetry #vent #02262019

Drew this pic of jotaro on a...a balloon.. a few years ago and its still my best work

#art #creativemedia #mixedmedia #jjba fanart #jjba jotaro

The box where I keep you

Is soft, and warm,

Though it chills me to touch and

Burns through the pit of me-

Happy birthday,

Love of mine,

Waiting in that place where

Time cannot touch you-

Time and I

Mourn together, that way.

#writing #poetry #vent #02262019

Sometimes I feel like im drowning in ink-

It has nowhere to go but deeper,

There is ink in every part of me

I do not remember what I looked like before.

All of the air has always been water

All of the water has always been ink

All of the ink is all that I am-

Must be, anyway,

Everyone seems to see it, eventually.

I scrub and scrub,

But there is nothing beneath.

I dont think I

#vent #personal #word vomit #unfinished

Sometimes in all the air between us

The silence reaches out,

Slow and careful, and

Holds the shape of you.

How impossibly bitter,

To be so jealous of something that Is Not.

#writing #poetry #02262019

Sometimes the wind shifts

Carrying a scent of a day way back when-

Early spring time in pennsylvania

Smells like Easter and plastic eggs and linen,

Sidewalk chalk on lightly warmed sidewalk

That big room with the tall windows

Looking out over a field so green it

Couldn't have been that green,

Right?

Jump rope and asphalt and the smell of

Flat rooftops and the creek-

I think ill just stay here, a while,

And smell some of this

Forever ago.

#writing #poetry #mine #homesickhours

"The dog in me sees the dog in you"

Did you mean to say we

See the ways we each lash and bite at

Every smaller thing like a poison cloud of

Dreams we havent had in such a long time-

Are you drowning in it?

Its been raining a lot lately, here in the garden

The sky is bright but it has

Rained for days-

And days-

Sometimes,

We run through flooded streets like

Echoed laughter down school hallways

And others

You are the poison in me,

The rattle in the cough, on the snake-

Fog light people echoing warnings through

Mirrored halls in my sleep-

In that place where the birdsong stops,

Between the ocean and the graveyard

Near where I keep Her-

#writing #poetry #vent #personal #word vomit #unfinished

I grew up a pretty yellow songbird;

Put in a shiny little tank and taken

Down into the dirt

To see how deep was too deep

How dark was too dark-

How much air could be stolen from the bird

Before the miner dropped

I was the first,

A test run,

In my dying and living and dying again,

I wonder,

Did someone else make it out alive?

Did I save the miner?

Was it worth it, really-

Going first?

#writing #poetry #personal

I dream of The Fog between us

During the day when my eyes are wide

Open

Life is swimming through

All this sick, thick air weighing me

Down, down-

All sinking feeling, no float

Why does thinking of you

Make my bones feel so heavy-

I feel blindsided, still,

By a thousand neon suns

Echoing back through all that

Fog

#writing #poetry #word vomit

Six and a half years later, and i

Still visit the grave that has never been yours in my sleep-

As if I could dream you a memorial

Somehow that will hold all of this dust

Together,

All these star speckled cobwebs

All these decades and seconds;

You visit me in my sleep, and

It tastes like flying, sometimes,

Tastes like knowing you in a real way, again,

Feels like you, to the imporant places-

To the bones of me that loved you best,

Loves you best still.

Sometimes

I wonder if that's where you went-

Maybe you're just drifting through the meat of my mind;

Just like you always were.

I am afraid of stars leaving the web-

I am afraid that pieces of you will leave me,

That they will never come back,

They will drift off into the space between us,

Where neither of us could reach them again-

Who am I,

To forget anything about you?

They were right-

Time is a rabid thing.

#02262019 #poetry #vent

Sleepless night, and

You sit heavy as a cat on my chest-

Ribs burning as you seep through

The flesh on your way from

That place deep in the cage of me

Where i keep us, still, keep you-

Ocean sea salt cravings lapping at

Everything in me that has ever waved goodbye to anything (anyone)

There's a taste in my teeth

Somewhere between familiar bile and

More familiar bitterness, all

Wrapped up pretty in these dreams,

All crystal clear and fogged window-

Sometimes you come when I call for you,

An echo of a memory of a love (or maybe)

A ghost or a dream or a secret;

Nobody I know now knew me when I knew you;

How could anyone ever know me at all, then?

(I miss you.)

(I miss you so much.)

#writing #02262019 #mine #vent

There is a dream that laughs

Like a lullaby-

Like a whisper, like a ghost-

She stays a half step behind,

Hiding in my shadow like i

Wouldn't recognize her from worlds away-

From half a step away-

There is a dream,

And she smells of nicotine and roses,

Fallen leaves and rushing river,

Campfire and fresh paint,

Calls to me like memory, a whisper,

Like halfway home-

Like halfway nowhere.

#writing #poetry #mine #02262019 #word vomit

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