[TRANS] 170103 V Live - Namjoon talking about “Always”
Recently I released a song called “Always”. The reason I released it is because I’m not in that state anymore, so I can release it. I’m no longer in that state like in the lyrics. Originally when I wrote that song, I didn’t plan to release it, I thought “Would this state continue to last? Would blaming the world make me get better?”, so I intended not to release it. But I released it now as I’m no longer in that state written in the lyrics. That song is a good-bye to the sorrowful me of that time.
Why? It’s because after the not so pretty incident, I had been thinking a lot. When someone said not so nice things to me, or not so nice feedbacks, criticism, accusation, I was like that at first. “Why? Why?” I didn’t think I could cause somebody inconvenience, or make somebody uncomfortable. Since I was young, I have been studying hard, making music diligently on my own, performing, playing games, my life only revolved around those things. At school, I was well-behaved and good at study too, so my teachers always liked me, and I had never had a big fight with my friends. I have never once thought my music, my words could hurt someone, or make them uncomfortable. But I had that thought for the first time in 2016. “Oh, so the words I say, the actions I do, no matter what my intentions are, could hurt someone or cause them inconvenience. I have to take responsibility for that. Once I did something there’s no going back.”
It was hard and took a long time to accept that I can hurt someone. I hated having to accept that I was wrong. Rather than I was wrong, it was harder to accept that I could cause that to someone. I was tired, since I had never been through such thing.
If at first, when hearing those things, I would think “Why? I did like this with this purpose,” but now, my mind and my state have gotten much better. Now when I hear things, or even if I receive accusation and criticism, I would think about why that person thought like that, at which part I was wrong, which part made people uncomfortable, which part received criticism. I can’t go into all details, but I thought that if I want to become a better person, I have to take responsibility for what I do, I have to change my way of thinking. I learned how to listen to opinions from many people. When I do something, I would think “People may think like this.”