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[jungblue]

aphrodite in war | 05 (m)

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

word count: 19,870

genre: angst, smut / greek life, fake dating, roommates, lovers to enemies and back to lovers au

description: Everyone knew about the war that had been brewing on the edge of campus for the past two years. Sorority versus Fraternity; a showdown for the ages. However, when the escalating antics between them yields the consequence of possible suspensions for both chapters, the presidents of each house must come together to try and figure out how to end this battle… Which is kind of hard, considering they were the ones responsible for it in the first place.

note: here is a song that a lovely reader created in inspiration of AiW's story. Hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do!

→ part one / part two / part three / part four

The ultimate beach trip between the Tri Delts and Lambdas started off as well as it could have. Everyone was mingling together as if there hadn’t been a petty war transpiring between these two groups of people up until just a couple of weeks ago. If you saw everyone now, drinking and laughing together, you would never have guessed the history of pranks and antics that had driven your two chapters to the point of near suspension. 

It had been about an hour since you had all arrived. There were already plenty of drinks flowing and games going on. You had lost Sana and Jennie somewhere in the shuffle, and because of that you had managed to be pulled into a game of beer-pong with some of the Lambda boys. 

“Are you serious!?” Baekhyun yelled as you sunk your ping pong ball into the last solo cup across Taehyung’s parent’s very expensive table. 

“Winner!” You yelled, turning to high-five Jimin who had decided to strong arm his way into being your partner. His mouth was slack-jawed at your game sealing shot. 

“I really could’ve used you the last two years, you know.” Jimin leaned down to whisper in your ear. Not that it mattered much with how loud the music was going in the house. “Jungkook fucking sucks at beer pong.”

“Yeah, he’s sucked at it since high school. Always got stuck being on his team since we were dating and everything. Frustrating as hell.” You could have replied with a snarky comment about how it was Jungkook’s fault in the first place that you weren’t around, but the two of you were in a good place at the moment, and you didn’t want to ruin it by being condescending. 

“Well, glad you’re back.” Jimin paused, looking hesitant before continuing. “And he is too.”

“Tch, right.” You rolled your eyes. “I’m sure he can’t wait for this whole charade to be over so he can continue on his quest of having sex with every woman in existence.” 

Fuck. 

Well, so much for not being condescending. 

“I didn’t—I don’t know why—” You bit your lip, shaking your head. “Please, don’t tell him I said that.” 

Jimin smiled, his tongue pressing at the inside of his cheek. He seemed to find your little slip up extremely amusing. You knew it wasn’t really a big deal. After all, you had said things like that (and much worse) to Jungkook’s actual face. Except it was different now. There was as newfound peace between the two of you, and you didn’t want to be the one to trample all over it. 

“I won’t tell him.” Jimin finally answered. You let out a sigh of relief. You were about to thank him when you noticed his eyes seeming to lock onto something across the living room. You were about to turn around to see what he was looking at, when suddenly he was leaning down, his lips pressed against your ear. “If you answer a question for me.” 

The sensation made you freeze up. It was loud in here, but there was certainly no reason for him to be this close to you. You glanced around the room, no one seemed to be paying much attention, most of them already decently drunk after only an hour or so of being here. Still, you felt like a giant, gaping hole was being burned into your back at that very moment. You glanced over your shoulder, in the direction that Jimin had been looking before, and when you did you felt yourself tense up once again. 

Jungkook was staring at the two of you from the second floor. His mouth was set in a firm line, brows furrowed as he continued to sling malicious waves through the air. 

You whipped your head back towards Jimin, whose face was still much too close to yours. You sneered at him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” 

“Just trying to get my friend to grow some balls.” He shrugged, a smirk playing on his mouth as he refused to acknowledge Jungkook’s searing stare that you could still feel slicing against you. “Now, about that question I get if I don’t tell Jungkook what you said.” 

Your nostrils flared, getting more annoyed by the second at whatever game was going on here. “What’s the question?” You asked through gritted teeth. 

Jimin leaned back and finally you felt like you could breathe again, but your lungs were once again rattling as he grabbed the crook of your elbow, dragging you through the crowd and outside the giant sliding glass doors and down a set of stairs that led towards the beach. 

You ripped your arm from his grip once you got to the bottom of them. “Okay, seriously. What in the actual fuck is going on here!?” 

“Calm down, princess.” Jimin threw his hands in the air. “I’m not trying to seduce you.” 

You scoffed. “So what was practically tongue fucking my ear about then, huh?” 

Jimin laughed, throwing his head back. “I was just trying to get a rise out of Jungkook.”

Your brows furrowed. “Why would you—” Your question was cut off as Jimin’s eyes went wide, staring up at the stairs that the two of you had just come down. 

“Looks like it worked. Hide!” He grabbed your hand, pulling you behind a giant line of bushes before you could object. 

“Ow, goddammit, Jimin!” You punched him in the ribs. There were shallow cuts on your legs from the tiny branches he’d rushed you through. 

“Shut up, he’s coming.” Jimin whispered, pressing his hand over your mouth, and you were just about to fight back when a looming presence was suddenly upon the two of you. 

Both of you were barely breathing as Jungkook stood on the other side of the leafy barrier that separated you. You weren’t sure why you were going along with this. It would be very easy for you to stand up and tell him that Jimin had dragged you down here against your will, but for some reason you stayed crouched down. You watched the way Jungkook’s shirtless chest was rapidly rising and falling. He looked absolutely pissed. You couldn’t lie, it was kind of amusing seeing him this annoyed. You assumed he thought there was something romantic, or at the very least sexual, going on here given Jimin’s little show in front of him earlier. You knew it was messed up to let him believe that, but again something made you stay hidden from him. 

“Jimin, you slimy motherfucker.” Jungkook hissed beneath his breath, fists clenching as he continued down the path towards the beach. Once he was finally out of earshot you both relaxed, collapsing into the sand. 

“He might actually knock you out when he sees you later.” You chuckled, standing up to brush some of the dirt off of your legs. 

Jimin stood up beside you, waving a dismissive hand in the direction Jungkook went. “He’ll thank me later.”

You gave him a baffled expression. “Okay seriously, what the hell is all this about? Because from my point of view, you’re just being a shit friend for no reason. And even though we haven’t been very fond of each other the last two years, that doesn’t seem like something you’d do to him. So tell me, what do you gain from flirting with your best friend’s ex-girlfriend?” 

He took a deep breath, glancing back to make sure Jungkook wasn’t making his way back to the house yet. When he looked at you again, he wasn’t smiling anymore. In fact it was the most serious expression you’d ever seen him have since knowing him. Even more serious than when he woke up last year to one of the Tri Delts having vandalized his vehicle. 

“I’m gaining the satisfaction of helping him,” He finally answered. 

“Uhm…” You trailed off, trying to find some sort of logical thread to follow, but you came up empty. “How is this helping him?” 

He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “It’s not my place to say certain things, but I need you to answer something for me.”

You scowled at him, because the fact that he wasn’t even going to tell you the actual reason behind this ordeal was ridiculous. “And you had to flirt with me in front of Jungkook just so you could ask me a question?” 

Jimin shrugged. “That was a last minute decision on my part. And it seemed to work, because he’s absolutely furious, stomping around the beach right now at the idea of someone touching you, even though you’re supposedly fake dating.” 

“Uhm, duh, because it was you touching me, idiot. I’d be pissed too if one of my friends was acting like that with him, even though we’re not actually together. It’s the principle of it.” You didn’t understand how he thought it was anything other than that. “Now, because I’m getting nowhere in this conversation with you, can you just ask the damn question before he comes back here.” 

Jimin’s soft smile returned once more. “Do you have feelings for Jungkook?” 

You felt a shock run up your spine, which had you backing away from him. “What do you mean? What feelings?” 

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Please, we don’t have a lot of time before he comes back up here. So let’s cut the bullshit about you not having feelings for him still.” 

The accusation made you feel weak. That after all of this time, you still were some bumbling idiot that couldn’t get over her first love. “Fuck off, Jimin,” You snapped, turning to try and shimmy your way back through the bushes. 

“I’m not trying to be a dick, Y/N.” He climbed through the branches after you, tugging on the back of your shirt to stop you from stomping away from him. 

Your patience had finally broken. You whirled around, slapping his hand down. “I don’t need to tell you my feelings about Jungkook, because he already knows exactly how I feel about this situation. I told him weeks ago at Yoongi’s party, so I’m not sure why you felt the need to insert yourself.” 

Jimin’s eyes narrowed. “What did you guys talk about at Yoongi’s party?” 

“He didn’t tell you?” You were surprised. You figured Jungkook would’ve definitely told his closest friend about the conversation that had caused tears from the both of you. 

“He told me that you were weirded out by all the kissing and everything in public and that you guys didn’t talk much for a couple of weeks after. He didn’t say you guys talked about anything else.” 

It seemed Jungkook had simply boiled it down to the most basic version of what had happened that night. It was probably best to just keep it at that, since he clearly didn’t want Jimin to know the specifics, but you also didn’t want this weird game of wingman Jimin was clearly trying to play at to continue for the entire weekend here. 

You clamped your eyes shut, taking in a deep breath. “He was starting to get too into it. The whole kissing and touching in public thing. He made it seem like he would be okay with the idea of us sleeping together casually. It hurt my feelings that he was just trying to fuck me like every other girl he’s slept with since we broke up. I told him when he does those things, it means something different to me than it does to him. To him it’s fun, to me it hurts.” You paused, your eyes glossing over slightly, but you forced the tears back. “So yes, he knows my feelings to some extent.” 

Jimin lips dipped into a frown, suddenly seeming guilty for bringing up this entire interaction, but that didn’t stop him from continuing his line of questioning. “Did he say anything back when you told him it was different for you than it is for him?” 

“Not really.” You shrugged. “He just said he was sorry for making me feel that way.” 

Jimin suddenly ran a hand down the front of his face, annoyance riddling his features. “Fucking idiot,” He whispered. 

“Excuse me?” You asked, not understanding his reaction. 

Jimin shook his head, glancing back towards the beach where Jungkook went in search of the two of you. “Nothing. It’s nothing. Uhm, I’m sorry if I killed the mood with this whole thing. I won’t bring it up again, promise.” 

You rubbed your temples in frustration. What was the point of making that scene in front of Jungkook just to ask you about your feelings? It was utterly bizarre. Again, you could only assume Jimin was trying to help Jungkook get laid, but the question he’d asked had been strange. Regardless you weren’t going to let this ruin your weekend. This was supposed to be a fun getaway, not some intervention on your fake relationship. 

“Whatever, I’m going back upstairs.” You started back up to the house, and when you finally made it to the top you glanced down to see that Jimin was making his way down to the beach. You tilted your head in curiosity as you watched him.  

Seriously, what the hell had all of that been about? 

—————

Jungkook 

He had given up on his search pretty quickly. It took him a moment to calm his hammering heart enough to gain the ability to chase after the two of you, and once he was down there you were both nowhere in sight. He was currently sitting on the ground, hands fisting into the sand. The memory of his friend’s lips on the side of your face had him vibrating with fury. He was envisioning all the ways he was going to hurt Jimin when he finally found that sneaky bastard. However, it seemed the devil himself didn’t find it necessary to make him wait. 

Jimin’s voice carried itself through the wind from behind his back. “She’s a fantastic kisser, by the way.” 

Jungkook was already on his feet before he even turned around—and then he was running. He was on Jimin in a second and shoved him to the ground. However, his friend seemed amused by this spectacle of anger for some reason, which only served to infuriate him more.

He reached down, yanking at the front of his shirt. “I swear to god Jimin, if you actually fucking kissed her, I’m gonna knock you the fuck out.” 

“Why?” He snickered beneath Jungkook’s grip. “Jealous?” 

Jungkook was seeing red now. He ripped Jimin back up to his feet, clenching his teeth as he forced his words out. “Did. You. Kiss. Her?”

Jimin’s smile finally began to wane as he realized Jungkook was being serious in his threat. He shoved Jungkook back, but his hand remained fisted around the material of Jimin’s shirt. 

Jimin sighed, finally giving up on this game of taunting him. “No, I didn’t kiss her.” He glanced down at his clothes, Jungkook still not budging from his grip. “Uh, you can let me go now.”

Jungkook laughed, as if letting Jimin go after pulling this little stunt was the most ridiculous thing anyone had ever said to him. He was so goddamn angry, because even if he didn’t kiss you, he still made a show of running off with you. He knew that would get under Jungkook’s skin, so why would he do it? 

“Then tell me what the the fuck all of that was about then.” Jungkook dropped his hand, finally releasing Jimin. He backed away a few steps as soon as he could. “Because I think it’s fucked up after telling you about how this entire situation with Y/N was messing with my head you’d try some shit like that right in front of me.”

Jimin averted his eyes, biting his lip in an attempt to at least look somewhat remorseful. “I’m sorry if I pissed you off, okay?” 

Jungkook threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Why the hell did you do it in the first place? Did you think I’d find it funny or something to see you touching her like that? I know you’re not that goddamn stupid.” Jungkook’s fist clenched at his side, taking a step closer to Jimin. “You’re my friend, and you know how I feel about her. So just why?” 

Jimin rolled his eyes, his apologetic stance from a few moments ago dissipating. “Okay, I’ll tell you why.” He paused, leaning to whisper, “Because you’re being a fucking pussy.” 

Jungkook’s eyes went wide at the insult. “What the fuck is your problem, man?” He seethed, holding himself back from wrestling Jimin into the sand. 

“I don’t have a problem.” He pressed a finger into Jungkook’s chest. “You do. Because you said that I know how you feel about her, but I actually don’t. You just say vague shit about it not mattering whether or not you still love her and moping about it. You’re so in your head about how you messed everything up that you won’t even admit how you actually feel out loud.” 

Jungkook didn’t understand what that had to do with anything they were arguing about. Yes, he had been elusive when discussing matters between you and him to Jimin. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, though he was starting to rethink that, he just simply thought about everything going on enough in his head, so why would he want to talk about it? It didn’t change anything about how he was filled with all of this regret. It didn’t change anything about what he had already put you through. 

“Who the hell cares how I feel?” He finally responded. “That has nothing to do with this.” 

“Wow, you’re still doing it.” Jimin grabbed his mouth, chuckling in disbelief. “I wasn’t planning on flirting with her in front of you, you know? I was actually just planning on talking to her about how she felt about you—” 

“—You what!?” Jungkook cut him off, eyes wide with panic at imagining whatever the hell you and Jimin had talked about. At what Jimin could’ve possibly told you. 

“Calm down, Kook. I didn’t tell her that you’re still in love with her—because you clearly fucking are—I just wanted to see if there was a way for you guys to actually get back together. None of this fake dating shit.” He paused, pointing at himself. “Which makes me a great friend actually, so fuck you.” 

Jungkook scoffed. This was unbelievable. “Yeah, a great friend that had his hands all over my girlfriend.” Shit, he didn’t meant to say that. “Not my girlfriend. Just—” He started to try and defend himself but Jimin busted out into laughter at the slip up. 

“You wish she was your actual girlfriend. Maybe then I wouldn’t have caught you lurking in the back of the party earlier, staring at her like a sulky gargoyle.” Jimin shrugged. “I just thought you needed a push is all. Because eventually this thing with the two of you living together and pretending to date is gonna end, and what then? You just never tell her how you actually feel? It’s pathetic. Grow some balls, man.” 

If Jimin’s goal had been to evoke heightened emotions from him in regards to you then he had absolutely succeeded on that front. He was pissed at the way he did it, but Jungkook was starting to put it together. Jimin thought if he could rile Jungkook up enough, it would maybe prompt him to finally unravel this tightly woven mask he kept up for everyone, including you. But he wasn’t so easily broken, after all he’d had years of practice in pretending that you no longer affected him in that way. 

Jungkook sat down on the sand, staring out at the ocean to try and calm his racing heart from this entire ordeal. Jimin sat down next to him, clearly waiting for some sort of reply to his insult from before. But he didn't want to fight anymore. He propped his crossed arms over his knees, continuing to look straight ahead. “Like I told you before, how I feel doesn’t matter.”

Jimin let out an exasperated sigh, pulling at his hair in frustration at Jungkook’s stubbornness. “How the hell can you say it doesn’t matter? Just tell her you’re sorry. Tell her you still love her. I mean, she practically gave you the perfect moment to tell her at Yoongi’s party and you still didn't have the guts to say anything. ‘It means something different for me than it does to him.’ She truly thinks that, because you didn’t tell ber she was wrong. It means the same thing to both of you, and—” 

“No it fucking doesn’t!” Jungkook finally snapped. He was tired of Jimin acting as if he knew the ins and outs of his relationship with you. He hadn’t seen you that night at Yoongi’s. He hadn’t seen you crying as you explained to Jungkook how much he’d hurt you. How much this entire situation was affecting you. He just didn’t get it. He didn’t understand how selfish it would’ve been in that moment to try and defend himself to you, even when he had so desperately wanted to. 

Jimin was silent for a moment after Jungkook’s outburst, giving him a minute to cool off. But Jimin was not one to let things go unsaid, so he eventually asked, “Explain it to me then. Explain it to me and I’ll leave you to be miserable in peace when it comes to the two of you.” 

Jungkook bit at the inside of his cheek, not wanting to explain these inner thoughts that he’d kept to himself. Jimin knew that he was struggling obviously, but he didn’t truly know the extent of it. Jungkook felt it was unfair to unload these problems onto others when he was the cause of it in the first place. But clearly he wasn't doing a great job at hiding his feelings, so what the hell? Might as well get it all out there. 

“When we’re forced to act like we’re together in public—I hate admitting this—but to me… It feels amazing. Like I’m somehow digging my way back into her life.” He licked the edge of his teeth, shaking his head, because just saying these things out loud made him feel like a terrible person. “I’m being fucking selfish, and I’m using this excuse between the houses to try and climb my way back to what we were before. She thinks we’re both just doing it because we have to put up a front for everyone, but she doesn’t know that I want it to be real so badly. For me, I get to pretend for just a second that I never ended things between us, and I love it. But to her… To her, when we have to act like that, she wishes she was anywhere else but with me.” Jungkook released a heavy sigh, his chest hurting. “So yeah, it’s different. When I want it to mean something more, while she feels like she’s being cornered by someone who hurt her. I do that to her. I make her feel that way. And I can’t fucking stand it. So no, I’m not gonna tell her how I feel, because I’ve already done enough to her.” 

For a minute there was just the sound of waves crashing against the shore. Just Jungkook’s honest words echoing in the salty air. He had to admit it felt good to say it to someone and not just let his thoughts gnaw at him ruthlessly. He knew he could’ve told Jimin these things earlier, but he had tried to suppress it, because he felt as though he deserved to suffer in this agony alone. His eyes were burning with the confession, but he wouldn’t let the tears go. He wasn’t going to let even one of his closest friends see this raw version of himself. Jungkook stood up, readying himself to return to the house now that he and Jimin had an understanding, but in typical fashion, Jimin kept him on his toes. 

“So you’re just going to give up that easily, huh?” Jimin stood up beside him, tossing Jungkook a look of pity. “You get to make the decision of what happens between the two of you again.” He stepped closer, grabbing Jungkook’s shoulder. “Now that is selfish.” 

Jungkook smacked his hand away, completely bewildered that Jimin still didn’t seem to get it. “I’m trying to be a good guy to her for once and you’re shitting on me for that, seriously?” 

Jimin rolled his eyes. “You broke up with her. She didn’t get a say. And now you’re still not giving her a say. She might reject you… But at least she’ll get to control something this time around. You keep talking about regrets and fucking everything up, so maybe this is your way of making it up to her. Let her decide this time.” He stepped closer, resting his hand back on Jungkook’s shaking shoulder. “Tell her how you feel, and let her decide this time.”

Jungkook felt angry at first, like Jimin was simply dismissing everything he’d just told him, but there was another part of him that felt like he’d just been called out with complete honesty. Because hearing the words that he was deciding for you had him rattled. That he once again wasn’t letting you have a say in the matter when it came to your relationship. 

“It’s not that simple.” He finally responded. “We live together. I can’t just tell her that I… I can’t just tell her how I feel and expect everything to be okay if it goes wrong.” 

Jimin’s jaw went tight suddenly. “Okay, enough of the word play. Just fucking say it.” 

Jungkook looked around, confused. “Say what?” 

Jimin grabbed at the air, his lips thinning in frustration. “If you can’t even say it to me, you definitely won’t be able to say it to Y/N. None of this ‘how you feel’ shit. Say the goddamn words.” 

Jungkook averted his gaze, because he knew what he was asking him to do. It wasn’t even something he admitted in his own thoughts easily, let alone spoke them. 

“Just drop it. You got what you wanted out of me, didn’t you?” He put his hands in the pockets of his swimming trunks, kicking the sand, but then Jimin was shoving him in the chest and knocking him back. 

“Say it,” He demanded. 

“No,” Jungkook hissed. 

“Say it!” Jimin screamed, pushing him to the ground. 

“No!” Jungkook yelled back. 

Jimin pushed his hand down on Jungkook’s chest, anchoring him to the sand. “Just fucking say it, pussy!” 

Jungkook grabbed Jimin’s arms, sitting up and slamming him into the ground to reverse their positions. He hovered over him for a moment, his breathing heavy as his heart clawed at him, wanting the thoughts to finally be free. They scratched and squeezed and mutilated him until he felt himself bellow in pain. 

“I fucking love her, okay!” He stared down at Jimin, whose smile slowly started to creep in beneath him. 

“Good,” Jimin whispered, patting at Jungkook’s cheek like he’d just performed a trick correctly like a dog. “Finally getting somewhere.” 

Jungkook smacked his lips, pushing off of Jimin to stand back up. “Glad you got what you wanted, dickhead.”

Jimin sat up, brushing the sand off of him. “You’ll thank me one day.” 

“Wouldn’t hold your breath on that.” Jungkook stepped into the waves, kicking at the water. He didn’t want to say those words out loud, but it seemed they didn’t want to be held captive anymore. 

Jimin’s arm was suddenly hooked around Jungkook’s shoulder. He had to force himself not to push him away. “Come on, let's go back to the house.” 

Jungkook couldn’t help but laugh, staring at his friend like he was crazy. “After all that, just a casual ‘let’s go back to the house,’ seriously?” 

Jimin nodded. “Yes, because at least now you’re not in denial anymore. You actually said it. My job is done, the rest is up to you.”

He clenched his jaw, looking in the distance. “And if I still don’t tell her?”

Jimin shrugged. “Then at least I’ll know I did all I could do to help.” 

Jungkook sighed, rubbing at his face. Was Jimin right? Even if he was being selfish by telling you, was it still your right to know? So that you could decide? He was still wary about it, but he couldn’t lie and say that it wasn’t eating at him now. He would have to think on it, so it seemed that Jimin accomplished his goal in the end. 

“Fine, you seedy fucker. Let’s go back.” He slipped beneath his arm, motioning for his friend to follow him. A couple of minutes into the trek back to the house Jungkook glanced over his shoulder, one thing still on his mind. “But just so you know, if you pull something like that with Y/N again, I’m not asking questions next time.” 

Jimin smiled softly. “Noted.” 

—————

You were sitting on the couch with a drink in your hand, a slight buzz running through your head. You’d needed another one immediately after that strange conversation with Jimin. You still weren’t sure what it had all been about. Maybe just genuine curiosity? Or maybe Jungkook had perhaps put him up to it to see if you had changed your mind after Yoongi’s party about the idea of the two of you being physical again. But you really didn’t think Jungkook would try something like that. He apparently hadn’t even told Jimin about that conversation, so it seemed unlikely, but still a possibility. You pondered the different scenarios in your head when Yoongi suddenly sat down next to you. 

“Not having fun with your girls?” He asked, slinging an arm around your shoulders. 

You glanced over at Sana and Jennie. They were mingling with some of the other Tri Delt members. While most of the girls didn’t have much trouble with forgiving the dispute between your houses now that you and Jungkook were ‘back together,’ they knew the truth of the situation and weren’t so easy to forgive the past two years. But at least they weren’t antagonizing, so that was the most you could ask for. 

“Yeah, just… thinking,” You finally answered, taking another sip from your cup. 

“Well, you’ve been sitting here for a while in some freaky daze, so it must be something serious.” 

You groaned at his observation. “You don’t have to constantly be worried about me, you know? I’m fine.” 

“I know, I know, but…” Yoongi’s lips thinned, dipping his head down to whisper. “I just can’t help but check up on you. I’m the reason you’re in this position in the first place. I suggested this whole idea for you and Jungkook. I just wanna make sure you’re good.” 

You hadn’t thought about it that way. That he felt responsible for proposing this lie. You could see that he was genuinely concerned, and while this last month had been confusing and at moments borderline torturous, it wasn’t his fault. 

“You’re not the reason I’m in this position. It’s on me for being a dumbass and not seeing the email about my scholarship.” You patted his chest. “You’re a good friend. I’ll be okay, promise.” 

Yoongi nodded, but he still seemed to carry some level of guilt from the expression on his face. “Well, maybe I can play therapist at least. What were you thinking so hard about before? Something happen between you guys?” 

“Not between me and him…” You scrunched your face, knowing exactly how this was going to sound. “Between me and, uhm, Jimin.” 

“Jimin!?” Yoongi’s eyes went wide, suddenly turning to face you and pulling his legs into a criss-cross position on the couch. “Jungkook’s gonna kill him.” Yoongi chuckled. 

“It wasn't like that.” You lifted your legs onto the couch as well to mimic Yoongi’s position. It was extremely loud with everyone talking and all the music, but it made it easier to make sure no one accidentally overhead anything. “I mean, I guess it was kind of like that. He was flirting with me, but then I realized he knew that Jungkook was watching. It was… weird.” 

Yoongi’s lips twitched upwards slightly, like he was trying to fight the urge to smile. “He knew he was watching, huh?” 

You narrowed your eyes. “Do you know something?” 

He shook his head, but his eyes dropped down and you could tell he wasn’t being entirely honest. “No, Jungkook still doesn’t talk to me about you guys all that much. Remember, I made that rule that the two of you weren’t allowed to bitch about each other to me after you broke up.” 

Of course you remembered that. Yoongi had given you a longer grace period than Jungkook in that regard, considering you had been the one to get your heart broken. But eventually he said enough was enough, and that in order to remain friends with the both of you he couldn’t be a part of the constant nagging about one another. 

“Well, at least we aren’t fighting anymore, so you don’t have to worry about hearing about it.” 

“I’m glad. It sucked not being able to hang out with my best friends together.” He gave you a sad smile, and you returned it. You had also missed that feeling of the three of you hanging out. “So things are actually good with you guys then? It hasn’t been weird?” 

“Well, no. Things have definitely been weird.” You scratched your head awkwardly. Your voice lowered even more than it had been before. “He heard me having sex the other day.” Yoongi half-screamed, falling back into the couch and spilling some of his drink onto the floor. He picked himself back up after a moment of trying to get his laughter under control. “Hey, at least he didn’t have to actually see me fucking someone like I had to when I first moved in.” The image of Jungkook and that girl naked flashed through your mind. You felt your cup bend slightly as your fingers curled around the plastic. 

“Now I did hear about that.” Yoongi rummaged around in his pocket, pulling out a joint and a lighter. “Honestly, I thought after that there was no way this whole thing was gonna work out. Figured you’d tell him to fuck off and find another place to live.” 

“It would’ve been a pain to find another place that quickly, so I at least had to give it a try.” You shrugged. “Plus, it’s been nice not fighting anymore. I think we’re kind of in a good place, and I feel like I’m getting some sort of… I don’t know, closure, I guess, after all these years.” 

“Closure…” He said the word slowly, like he was mulling over what you meant by that. You weren’t sure why. Honestly, you should’ve been past the point of closure, but hey, at least you were getting there. He seemed to push whatever he was thinking about away before lighting his joint and inhaling. He coughed, blowing the smoke away from your face. He motioned to hand it to you. 

You shook your head, pushing it away. “No, I have to share a bed with Jungkook tonight, and well, I mean you know what it does to me.” 

“That it makes you horny as fuck? Yes, I do know that.” Yoongi snickered, clearly remembering some moments over the years when you hadn’t been exactly the most modest after smoking. “But you’re drinking. That makes you get the same way.” 

You shook your cup in your hand. “Yeah, not as bad as with weed though.” Though admittedly, drinking when you were going to be in a close space with Jungkook probably also wasn’t the best idea, but you had some modicum of self control. It would be fine, right? 

“If you say so.” Yoongi smiled, taking another hit. He clearly didn’t believe you. 

“Nothing’s gonna happen between us.” You put your arms into the shape of an ‘X’ to further prove your point. “No sex.” 

“What about sex?” Jimin’s voice chirped from behind you, the intrusion making you jump and spill some of your drink onto the couch. Taehyung’s parents were seriously going to murder him. 

You turned around to see Jimin and Jungkook standing together. You didn’t see any animosity or bloody faces, so they seemed to have worked out whatever the hell that was from earlier. 

Jungkook glanced at you and then at the joint in Yoongi’s hand. You watched his mouth twitch slightly, probably thinking of some variation of Yoongi’s comment about your insatiable libido when smoking. 

Jimin motioned at the couch. “Yoongi and Y/N are talking about sex, Jungkook. You’re gonna threaten to knock him out too, right?” 

You felt yourself stiffen. You knew they obviously were going to have words, but you didn’t want them to get into a physical altercation over what happened. “You guys didn’t get into a fight, did you?” 

“No, just threw him around in the sand a little bit.”  Jungkook walked over to the couch, squatting down in front of it and slipping the joint from Yoongi’s hand before taking a deep inhale. 

“Well, hello to you too,” Yoongi said before taking it back. 

“Hey, I got you on the ground too. Don’t make it seem like I was just getting my ass handed to me.” Jimin pouted. 

You looked at Jungkook, leaning in closer. “You didn’t have to do that, you know?” 

Jungkook dropped his eyes to the floor for a moment before bringing them back to you. “No, I did.” 

“It wasn’t a big deal. Nothing happened.” You assumed Jimin had already told him that considering he was here in one piece, but you wanted to make it clear. 

“I know, but he knows he deserved it.” Jungkook smacked Jimin’s thigh. 

“Ow, bitch!” He rubbed at the spot that just got hit. “But I am sorry, Y/N. Won’t happen again.” 

“You’re fine,” You answered, just glad that everything seemed to have worked out. 

You turned back to Jungkook, and you noticed all the sand stuck in his hair, presumably from the tussle they had on the beach. You reached out without thinking. “You have sand everywhere.” You ruffled at the strands, and his eyes slowly closed as you did it. “There, better.” You rubbed your fingers together, dropping the grains over the floor. 

Jungkook cleared his throat and scratched at his nose before immediately standing. “Thanks.” 

You didn’t know why the action seemed intimate for some reason. You went to take a sip of your drink to push the idea away, but it was empty. 

“Need another?” Jungkook asked, motioning to take the cup from you. 

“Uhm, yes, please.” You handed it to him. 

Jungkook started back towards the kitchen, and you watched as Jimin followed him, throwing an arm around his shoulder and whispering something in his ear. Jungkook pinched his ribs at whatever was said. 

You shook your head, deciding not to think further into it as you turned back to face Yoongi. However, when you did he was looking at you with head tilted in some sense of curiosity. 

“What?” You asked. 

“Nothing.” He shrugged. 

You rubbed your temples in frustration. “God, why is everyone acting so weird today?” 

Yoongi chuckled, inhaling another hit. “Just interesting is all. Watching you guys together.” 

“We’re just being friendly,” You said. Sure, it must be strange to see the two of you acting so cordial after all of this time, but there was nothing else to it. 

“Okay,” Yoongi said simply, clearly not going to elaborate more. 

You huffed in annoyance, turning to glance over your shoulder. You watched Jungkook laughing with a couple of his members as he poured some drinks. You let yourself settle down a bit, just choosing to ignore the odd way everyone was behaving today. Instead you just looked at him for a little longer. It was nice to be able to act like this after so long. To be able to actually stand each other’s presence. But you couldn’t lie, even in these moments of peace your heart tried to fight back against the logic of your mind. It stuttered and violently forced your brain to relive every negative interaction of the last two years. It forced you to remeber it in excruciating detail, as if it was trying to warn you about something. Your body remembered that the last time you and Jungkook had been able to interact like this together, it had ended terribly for you. 

Jungkook looked at you suddenly from across the room, a small smile gracing his lips, and then your pulse was racing. It pumped these thoughts of dread into the corners of your mind. They seemed to say: tread lightly or you might just get bit again. 

—————

The next couple of hours went by in a bit of a blur. Lots of drinking and hanging out on the beach. Which was currently where you were now, laying down on a towel, eyes closed as you soaked up the sun’s rays. 

Your mind had tried to spin you down a path earlier that you wanted no part of. This was supposed to be a relaxing trip, regardless of its inception being under the false pretense that you and Jungkook were truthfully back together. So that was what you were going to treat it as; just a vacation to unwind. The alcohol was definitely helping with that mission. Your thoughts felt fuzzy, your limbs loose, none of that anxiety inducing nonsense from before. You were about to ask Jennie to hand you another drink from the cooler that was near her when pellets of water suddenly started to assault your skin. 

“What the hell!?” You barked, sitting straight up, tearing your sunglasses off to look at the culprit. It was Taehyung, whipping his hair like a dog all over you and Jennie. 

“Sorry, just trying to cool you guys off.” He shrugged. 

“We didn’t ask,” Jennie hissed, making Taehyung blush, but for some reason also… smile? Guess Jungkook wasn’t lying when he said he liked them mean. 

“Whatever, hand me a drink since you’re right there,” You asked, and Taehyung tossed you one out of the cooler. He then decided it would be a good idea to fish a couple of ice cubes out and toss them onto Jennie.

“You’re gonna regret that,” She said, her smile sinister as she jumped from the ground and began to chase Taehyung into the water. 

You chuckled in amusement as you cracked the top of your drink and were about to return to laying back down after the interruption when Jungkook was suddenly sitting down next to you in the sand, Jimin following shortly behind. 

You tried to ignore the way he was dripping wet. His hair pushed under a backwards cap, while his breaths were heavy and forceful from him and the other guys spending the past couple of hours messing around in the ocean. You quickly put your glasses back on before your eyes could betray you. You weren’t exactly the most subtle when you weren’t in a clear state of mind. 

“Told you, he’s gotta crush,” Jungkook said rolling onto his back. 

“Forgive him.” Jimin leaned in closer and lowered his voice as you took a sip of your drink. “He’s terrible at flirting. Only good at fucking.” 

You choked on your drink at that admission. The liquid spilled past your lips as it fought its way out of your lungs. “I don’t even wanna know how you know that.” You finally managed to get out after your coughing fit ended. 

Jimin shrugged. “Thin walls and well… you know.” 

Jungkook smacked Jimin on the back of the head at whatever he was insinuating. “Shut up,” He said sternly. 

You rolled your eyes because you could certainly assume what he was hinting at. “Yes, I don’t need to hear about the disgusting orgies I’m sure you all partake in.” 

“God, fuck no—” Jungkook was suddenly sputtering. “There were no orgies, trust me.” 

You pursed your lips, suddenly finding this conversation to be a bit amusing. “I don’t know, you seem a bit defensive.” You turned to Jimin who looked equally as entertained. “So Jimin, tell me, did you and Jungkook ever have sex with a girl at the same time?” 

Jimin’s eyes widened, his lips cracking into a grin as he turned to look at Jungkook who was currently hiding his face in his hand. 

“I think I’ll stay out of this one,” Jimin answered. 

You chuckled and stood up from your towel, a little confidence running through your veins. “Oh, come on guys. We’re all adults. No need to be shy. We’ve all had threesomes.” Jungkook seemed to choke on air at that, and the reaction only made you want to push it further. You knew this wasn’t a good idea, especially after earlier, but your lack of being sober was influencing you. You leaned down to whisper at the both of them. “If you wanted to see Jimin naked when we were together all you had to do was ask. He’s cute.” You ruffled Jimin’s hair, and noticed the way his cheeks went instantly pink. Then you immediately walked towards the water without looking back. 

“That better be a sunburn, motherfucker,” You heard Jungkook say in the distance, and you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling. 

You knew that it didn’t mean anything. That it was simply the case of not wanting your friend to be involved with your ex just out of principle. But it was still fun to mess with them. After all, you were the one that got left, so you were enjoying the back and forth between them. Maybe that was why you hadn’t revealed yourself to Jungkook earlier when you and Jimin had been hiding behind those bushes. Because even though the two of you were currently in a good place, you couldn’t lie and say some part of you didn’t enjoy seeing him jealous.

You were about knee deep in the water, when you noticed Taehyung and Jennie still chasing each other around. Hm, maybe he wasn’t so bad at flirting after all.

You were sifting your feet around, splashing yourself to try and cool down when Jungkook was suddenly by your side once again. 

“I was joking about that thing with Jimin.” You offered him, not wanting your playful taunt to turn into something serious—as much as you had enjoyed the look on his face. 

“I know, I know,” He said, but didn’t look convincing with his jaw tight while he scratched at his bicep. 

“What happened with you guys earlier anyways?” You asked, genuinely curious. “What was that whole thing even about? Obviously he knows it would’ve pissed you off.” 

Jungkook bit at his bottom lip, seeming to think about his answer. “Nothing, he just thought it’d be funny,” He finally settled on. 

“Hm, doesn’t seem like a very good friend.” You could never imagine Sana or Jennie flirting with Jungkook because they thought it was ‘funny.’

He looked back at the shore where Jimin was still laying on the beach, talking to one of the guys from Lambda that had walked over to him. He stared at him for a second before answering. “No, he’s a really great friend actually.” 

“Whatever you say,” You responded, even if you still couldn’t wrap your head around it. But hey, it was their friendship, even if you obviously weren’t privy to the inside details of it. 

You and Jungkook walked further out into the water, not really saying much to each other. You glanced over at him, and to your surprise, he was already staring at you. 

“Was there something you wanted to talk about?” You asked, looking around to see if any of the members of your houses were watching to warrant him following you out here. 

“No, just wanted to come out here.” He shrugged. “What? We can’t hang out if someone isn’t looking?” 

You were taken aback by that answer. You knew that the two of you had found a happy medium in your relationship but it wasn’t something you thought he had found fully enjoyable. The forced proximity of it all. 

“No, we can,” You said. “It’s just a bit strange, you know? Like I know we’ve been living together, but we still don’t talk that much outside of having to play the part at parties and stuff.” 

“I get that.” He nodded, both of you coasting in the waves as they splashed against you. “But I’d like that to change. I’d like to be able to talk normally again.” 

You raised a brow. “Like friends?”

Jungkook pushed his tongue against his cheek before answering. “Yeah… Like friends.” 

If you had asked yourself over a month ago what the possibility of you and Jungkook being friends was, the answer would have been a firm fuck no. But now everything was different. You had enjoyed the fact that there was no longer this lingering malice at every interaction, but you still couldn’t say that you didn’t hold some amount of anger towards him. You hated admitting that, but even after two years you still couldn’t look at him without those incessant flashbacks from that night forcing their way into your mind at some point. But regardless of that you wanted to at least try, in order to make this entire situation of living together and pretending to date a bit easier. 

“Okay, like friends,” You finally said. 

Jungkook seemed to beam at that response. “Really?”

“Yeah.” You smiled wickedly, your hand swinging from the water to send a gush of saltwater into his face. “Really.” 

Jungkook looked shocked, but he was smiling wildly as he wiped the liquid from his face. You quickly started swimming deeper into the ocean where you couldn’t touch the ground as he began to chase you. 

“What? Water fights are friendly!” You yelled back. 

He was closing in on you, and you tried to swim faster but suddenly a large wave knocked straight into your face. You felt your sunglasses fly off as you were dragged beneath the surface. Almost instantly you felt hands on either side of your ribs, pulling you up. 

You patted at your head after sucking in a breath. “Fuck, my glasses.” 

Jungkook looked around, still holding onto you. “Shit, my bad.” 

You squinted your eyes at the sun that was no longer blocked away, using your arm to guard the rays. But suddenly the bright light was no longer an issue as Jungkook removed his hat and settled it onto your head. He was pulling you to where you could stand, his chest grazing against you as he adjusted the cap to shield your eyes. You felt yourself relax into the touch before you could stop it. You were skin to skin, Jungkook’s face only a couple of inches from yours. You glanced down before you could see his reaction, breaking the contact by stepping a couple of feet away. 

“Thanks,” You said, hiding beneath the hat. “That sucks. Those glasses were expensive.” 

“I’ll buy you another pair,” He said. 

You were instantly shaking your head. “You don’t have to do that.”

He shrugged. “It’s my fault. It’s fine.” 

“It wasn’t your fault. I splashed you first,” You argued.

“I don’t care. I’ll still replace them.” 

“Like I said, they're expensive. It’s fine.”

“And like I said, it’s fine.” He tipped your chin, forcing you to look at him. “I want to.” 

Something inside of you told you to keep fighting, but you felt yourself melt into the gesture. “Fine,” You said simply instead. 

“Good.” He smiled, and then you felt his hand grab one of yours beneath the water. “Wanna go eat something at the house?” 

You hid the way your breath hitched, trying to respond as clinically as you could. “I guess I could use something to eat. I drank a lot already.” 

“Okay, let’s go.” He pulled at your hand, dragging you to shallower waters until you were standing, his fingers still grasping yours as you walked up the beach. 

“Oh, so cute!” You heard someone say, you turned to see Joyce and a couple of other Tri Delt members looking at the two of you as you emerged from the water hand in hand. 

You sent them a forced  smile as you pulled Jungkook’s hat lower on your head. You still hated this part. The faking and pretending. They all thought this was a second chance at rekindled love, when in reality it was you being forced to endure the person that broke you. And even though the relationship between the both of you was getting better, it didn’t change that fact. 

“You okay?” Jungkook asked once you were further away from everyone and closer to the house. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You lied, once again forcing a grin as Jungkook walked with you, fingers intertwined with yours. 

—————

The first night of the Tri Delt x Lambda beach trip was upon you before you knew it. Everyone had made their way back to the house, drinking and mingling in a way that was unfamiliar after these last two years of pranks and fighting. You watched in a happy, drunken haze, seeing the girls and guys interact. Some of them seemed to be getting extremely close after their day together. You saw some of them sitting in one another’s laps, some kissing, some dancing. You even noticed Jennie and Taehyung chatting in the corner. It was still crazy to you that your failed relationship was what was holding all of this back. You were still thinking about that when Sana approached you. 

“You good?” She asked. 

“Yeah, fine. Just watching everyone be okay with each other. It’s weird.” 

Sana looked around at your point of view. “Well, your plan worked at least.” 

You nodded, taking a sip from your cup. “Seems it did.”

“But did it work for you?” She asked. 

You stared at your drink, knowing what she meant, but deciding to act stupid. “What do you mean?”

Sana scoffed, batting you in the shoulder. “You know what I mean. Having to act this way with Jungkook. I mean it can’t be easy.”

You felt your chest shutter. Sana was right, but you didn’t want to talk about it. You were dealing with it in the best way you knew how, which was inside of your head. 

“It’s strange, but it’s working out fine I think.” It wasn’t the entire truth, but that was all you could manage at this moment. 

The music stopped suddenly. Everyone looked around in confusion, and then Taehyung who seemed to have pulled himself away from Jennie was standing in the middle of the living room. 

“I just wanna say… This weekend has been a great time already.” He stumbled slightly with a drink in his hand. “And I just wanna say a thank you to Jungkook and Y/N for making it happen!” Suddenly everyone in the room was cheering. 

Oh, no. 

“We’ve fought the past two years, but now that they’re back together everything’s fucking great!” Taehyung turned towards you, raising his drink. “Where’s Jungkook?” He was by your side in a second, one hand resting on your shoulder. You looked up at him, his eyes seeming to say, calm down. “There he is. Cheers to the happy couple!” 

Everyone was crowding you both, cups and bottles raised in your direction. Your heart started pounding with all this attention. When you were at parties or events together there was no spectacle. It was just simple kissing here or there, no spotlight of faces. You felt yourself lock up, but then Jungkook threw an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer. 

“Just breathe,” He whispered against your ear, and then he kissed you. 

It was nothing crazy, just a couple of seconds, but that was all it took to have your pulse stuttering and your stomach churning with something that you could only assume was some sort of desire. You hated that your body still reacted like this to him. 

You pulled away first, staring at him with an expression that you weren’t even sure how to explain. Frustration, lust, confusion, you weren’t sure. But it seemed no one noticed because the cheers had suddenly become louder at the show of affection. Everyone hugging and clinking drinks, some people kissing alongside you. It was just too much. You wondered what some of these people must think of you. Some pathetic girl that took back her ex after he got to sleep with as many girls as he wanted before you took him back. You knew that wasn’t true, but they didn’t know that

You turned to Sana quickly. “I gotta get out of here.” 

She nodded, seeming to immediately understand. “Come on.” She grabbed your hand, pulling you towards the sliding glass door that led to the back once everyone had their attention turned away from you. 

You were down the steps that went towards the beach before you knew it, and Jennie was suddenly behind you as well. “You’re not leaving me in there, bitches.”

“What don’t wanna keep talking to Taehyung?”

Sana snickered. 

“Oh, shut up.” Jennie waved her hands in the air. “I was just being an appreciative guest.” 

“Sure,” You said slowly, turning to give her a smile.  “Whatever you say.”

You grabbed Sana’s hand tighter, forcing her to run with you the rest of the way down to the beach as Jennie screamed after you.

“Nothing's going on!” She yelled as she finally caught up. 

You chuckled, resting a hand on her arm. “You can go for

it if you want. I won’t be mad. But I would’ve appreciated it if you had managed to occupy his attention a little better so I wouldn’t have had to put on that little show.” 

“I’m sorry about that. He’s an idiot, but….” Jennie started pulling at her hair. “I don’t know, he’s kind of sweet. I’m just curious, I guess.”

You waved her concerns off. “Seriously do what you want.” 

You knew that Jennie probably felt guilty about being interested in a guy from Lambda after everything, but it truly wasn’t something that bothered you. 

“Oh, forget about this. Enough talk of Lambda boys.” Sana was suddenly ripping her shirt off and pulling down her shorts. “Let’s do something fun!” 

“What are you doing?” You gasped, looking to see if anyone was around. 

“Skinny dipping, and you are too!” She giggled, pulling at your shirt. 

You didn’t fight it. You let her pull the clothing off of you until you were left in your bathing suit from earlier. Normally you would’ve objected, but the alcohol was making you a bit braver, and the distraction from the kiss with Jungkook was needed. 

“Fuck it.” You pulled at the strings from your bikini top and let it fall to the ground, leaving your breasts bare. “Let’s go.” Then Jennie was stripping, and after a few moments all three of you were completely naked and marching into the water to cover your bodies. “Pretty sure this was how the movie Jaws opened,” You said as the water hit your shoulders. 

“No, there was a guy that left her out there.” Sana pressed a hand above her eyes, scoping around. “No guys. We’re good.” 

You laughed, the three of you huddling together as the small waves battered against you. It felt strangely freeing in a way. Being out here completely bare with your two best friends. You were already forgetting about the kiss with Jungkook. The way you had folded so easily. You knew it was something that was necessary between the two of you, but that didn’t mean you should enjoy it. Which was the problem. Everytime something happened with him you felt yourself slip, even if just for that moment. It felt normal and right, and then you remembered how deeply he hurt you. But this was helping you forget. Forget this fucked up situation you were in and the nagging feelings that clawed at you. It was just nice to be with people that helped you feel like your life was normal. 

“You better now?” Sana asked as the three of you held hands in a circle as the water bobbed you around. 

“Yes, better.” You nodded, squeezing their hands tighter. “I don’t know what I’m doing, guys.” You finally admitted. 

“What do you mean?” Jennie asked. “What’s going on?” 

You bit your lip and tilted your head down, not wanting to admit these thoughts out loud, but you needed to tell someone. “Being with him lately is strange. It’s just too comfortable. Like nothing ever happened.” You paused, taking in a deep breath. “He fucked me up, and I just have to act like I’m fine, and when he kisses me… It feels like it is—just for a second.” 

Sana patted the side of your hair, her face twisted in a sympathetic expression. “We understand. This is probably harder for you than you could ever explain.” 

“Yeah, we wouldn’t judge you for however you’re feeling.” Jennie hugged you. “It’s an insane situation. There’s no way to prepare for it.” 

You gave them a small smile. You appreciated the words of comfort. You knew it wasn’t something you could help, but it was nice hearing that you weren’t an idiot. That if anyone was in this situation of having to pretend to date their ex that broke their heart, they would also feel confused. It wasn’t that you wanted to get back together with him, there were too many insecurities and trust issues to wade through. Plus, he seemed perfectly happy in his conquest of having sex with as many women as he could, so it wasn’t as if either of you were interested in that. But you still couldn’t shake the emotions that overtook you in those forced moments of intimacy. You weren’t sure what they meant. Was it just longing for what it once was or something else? 

“Thanks, love you guys,” You said, pushing your thoughts away, because it didn’t matter right now. 

“Love you too.” Sana grabbed your hands, pulling you into a waltz position. “Now let’s dance! Music please, Jennie!” Jennie started humming some classical piece that was familiar as Sana tugged you through the water, laughing and twirling you as you both tried to keep your heads above the waves. You guys were out there for a couple of minutes, just messing around and having fun, when of course it had to come to an end. 

You were lost in the moment when a voice shattered your short-lived serenity. “What’s going on here?” 

The three of you turned to glare at the boys on the beach. It was Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung. Sana pushed you behind her. It was dark and there was no way they could see anything through the water, but it was still a vulnerable position. 

“Seriously you guys had to follow us!” Sana yelled.

“We were just coming down here to drink some more.” Jimin waved a case of beer in the air.” We weren’t following you.” He bent down, picking up her bathing suit bottoms that had been left on shore. “Didn’t know we’d find something like this though.” 

“Drop them, fucker.” Sana snapped her fingers, pointing down, and Jimin let the material slip from his grasp immediately. 

He threw his hand in the air. “Sorry, my bad.” 

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung asked, looking back and forth between your two groups in confusion. He seemed to be staring at Jungkook who was in turn staring at you, and neither of you were saying anything. “Are you guys fighting again already?” 

Fuck, this wasn’t good. A normal couple wouldn’t just be silent with each other like this, especially after sharing a celebratory kiss in front of everyone. You stepped in front of Sana quickly. 

“Nothing’s going on. We just had a spontaneous idea…” You paused, clenching your fists at your side. “Jungkook, come here.” 

The full moon was the only reason you could see the way his eyes widened. You could tell he was hesitant, looking around anywhere that wasn’t at you, but he kept glancing towards Taehyung who didn’t know the truth of what was going on here. It would be odd to deny you, so he didn’t. He pulled his shirt off and slipped his gym shorts down, leaving him in only his boxers. 

“These are staying on. Not letting these fuckers stare at my ass.” Jungkook turned to his friends, flipping them off playfully as he made his way into the water. But you didn’t think that was why he was keeping them on, because the closer he got to you the more hesitance you could see on his face, like he didn’t think he should be this close to you while you were undressed. 

“Is Jungkook the only one invited?” Jimin asked, motioning towards the shore. 

Sana and Jennie both look at you for the answer. You shrugged. “I don’t care. Up to you guys.” 

“Are you sure?” Sana whispered. “I think it’d be funny, but we don’t have to.” 

“I seriously don’t care.” You grabbed her shoulder, leaning down to her ear as Jungkook got closer. “Jimin’s cute. Just do whatever you want. I’m fine.” 

She shot you a face of disgust. “Ew, absolutely not.” However, she glanced at the beachline for a moment. “I mean yes, he’s attractive, but I could never get with a Lambda.” 

You rolled your eyes, shaking her shoulders. “Just do what you want. Have fun. Don’t think about me.” 

She stared at you for a moment, tonguing her cheek. “Fine, but if you wanna leave just say the word and we’re gone.” 

“Okay, got it.” You motioned towards Jimin and Taehyung on the beach, letting your friends take the rest from there. 

She huffed, waving them forward. “You can come in, but you have to be completely naked. Jungkook only gets a pass because of Y/N.”

“Fine with me.” Taehyung shrugged and stripped every piece of his clothing off in seconds before diving into the water. 

Jimin rolled his eyes, but undressed in a similarly rushed manner before running into the water. “You’re making yourself look too easy, Tae.” 

Taehyung scoffed. “Like I give a fuck about looking easy to a girl as hot as Jennie.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh, covering your mouth as he drifted towards her with a wide grin. She stood her ground as he approached, but even in the dark you could see the wobble of a smile trying to form. They started bantering back and forth immediately. 

Jimin was swimming closer to you and Sana now. Sana quirked a brow at him, the two having a staredown for a couple of seconds before she began to paddle further out. She was smirking as she did so, daring him to chase her. Which he of course did without question. 

“Be careful,” You yelled as the two drifted away in their little game of chase. “Idiots,” You whispered, turning away and suddenly finding yourself face to face with Jungkook. He was still keeping his distance. 

“Stop being weird about it,” You finally said, splashing at him. “It’s not like you’ve never seen me naked.” 

Jungkook narrowed his eyes. “You’re really confusing, you know that right?” He said, stopping just a couple of feet away from you. 

“I’m confusing?” You brows furrowed. “How?” 

“Well, you got so upset when we had to kiss earlier that you literally had to run out of the house. So I obviously assumed that me being next to you while you were naked wasn’t exactly something you’d enjoy.” He let out a deep sigh. “I just don’t know what to do to make this not miserable for you. I don’t want you to be miserable with me. I really don’t.” 

You hadn’t really thought about it like that. Those were pretty mixed signals you supposed. But it wasn’t that you were doing it on purpose. Right now, when it was just the two of you, it was different. You were simply a pair of individuals with a shared past trying to navigate the impossible. Whereas earlier had been a public spectacle of humiliation on your part. Everyone, his house and yours, under the impression that you had simply forgiven him for breaking up with you. He was the victor and you were the spineless girl that gave into him. He didn’t understand that. 

“You don’t make me miserable,” You finally answered, deciding that keeping these thoughts to yourself wasn’t going to help anything. Maybe if he could see where you were coming from, it would make things easier. “What we’ve been doing the past month or so, with the kissing here or there, that’s whatever to me. But what happened in there, with everyone staring at me like…” You trailed off, not knowing if this was something you should voice out loud. It could come across as an insult to him, and you didn’t want to fight. 

“Like what?” Jungkook asked, now only a foot or so away from you. 

You bit your tongue and turned away from him, not wanting to see his face when you said this. “Like I’m the loser who took back her ex after he embarrassed her for the past two years.” Your nails bit into your skin beneath the water. “None of my members have said anything to me, but I can’t help but think that if I was one of them I would definitely think I was a total fucking idiot. Taking back a guy who broke up with me and had no shame in hiding what he was doing all that time.” You let your body sink lower, just so your mouth was barely above the water as you stared up at the moon. “I know it shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks because none of this is real always, but it’s just eating at me. People thinking you got to fuck whoever you wanted for two years and then got to come back to me once it was out of your system. God, they probably think I’m so pathetic." You rubbed your palm against your forehead in frustration. You hated that you were bombarded with these constant thoughts. 

There was just silence for a moment. You continued to stare up at the sky. You were still decently buzzed and this entire circumstance of being naked in the ocean with your pretend boyfriend wasn’t exactly normal, so it almost made this whole thing feel like a weird dream. But the dream-like state was broken when Jungkook was grabbing your shoulder and gently turning you to face him again. 

You kept your head dipped down and crossed your arms over your chest. “You don’t have to say anything. I agreed to do this, so it is what it is.” 

“Y/N,” Jungkook’s hand grazed the side of your cheek. The sensation made you stifle a gasp. You glanced up at him, and he was staring at you with an expression that you couldn’t quite place. Guilt? Pity? Either way you hated it. 

You pushed his hand away. “Don’t. I don’t need you to feel bad for me. In fact that pisses me off more, so just forget I said anything.” 

Jungkook huffed, his jaw hardening. “Fine. What do you want me to do then?” 

You gave him a confused look. “What do you mean?” 

“What can I do to make this easier for you?” He asked. “Do you want me to say something in front of everyone? Do you want me to humiliate myself in front of them for you? Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it. I don’t care.” 

You were shocked by what he was saying. You didn’t think he would offer something like that when it didn’t benefit him in any way. You pondered the idea a bit, asking him to do something that would make him look as dumb as you felt, but in the end, you just couldn’t think of anything you would want from him in that regard. 

“Jungkook, right now all I want from you is for you to go get my one of those beers and talk to me about anything other than this.” You gave him a weak smile. “Please, let’s talk about anything else.” 

He bit his lip, seeming to stop himself from pushing the conversation that he clearly still wanted to have. “Okay, we can do that,” He finally said, turning to wade back to shore where he got you and him a drink before returning back to you. 

“So, what do you wanna talk about?” You asked, popping the tab on your drink and taking a swig. 

He pursed his lips, looking around, his sights seeming to catch on our friends who had drifted quite a bit away. “Well, our friends are definitely having a good time.” 

You could hear their laughter ringing through the air. It seemed Jimin had caught up to Sana and was now dragging her through the water with her hands clasped around his neck. You knew she wouldn’t make it easy for him. She was just messing with him at this point, but who knows what the rest of this weekend held. 

“Jennie hooked up with Jimin freshman year. She always says that it didn’t go too well.” You remembered how Jennie had explained it as a big let down after he came in all of two minutes of her going down on him. “Hopefully Sana will have better luck. If she even gives him the chance.” 

Jungkook chucked, pushing his hair off of face. “Yeah, trust me he was embarrassed as fuck. He says he still has nightmares about the pissed off look on Jennie’s face.” 

You laughed loudly, covering your mouth. “That sounds about right. You don’t want to be on the other end of her when she’s mad.” 

Jungkook shrugged. “Well, she’s perfect for Taehyung then. He likes that sort of thing for some reason.” 

“Oh, so girls being a little mean to you isn’t a kink you found out you liked after we broke up?” You smirked as he choked on his drink at your question. 

He banged at his chest with his fist to clear the alcohol out of his airway. “Thought you said you didn’t wanna talk about this kind of stuff?” 

“I said I didn’t want to talk about this stupid fake dating situation.” You paused, taking another sip of your drink. “Though, talking about the sex we’ve had with other people probably isn’t a good idea either.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that.” He tongued at the inside of his cheek. “But to answer that one question, no, women being mean to me was not something that was my thing.” 

“Must’ve hated me the past few years then.” You chuckled, remembering all of the insults you had hurled at him. 

Jungkook’s face turned soft suddenly, making you realize that you had both drifted back to each other. You were so close you could feel his legs brushing against yours with each wave that pushed its way to shore. 

“I’ve never hated you,” He said. 

You looked at him skeptically. “Come on, you had to hate me at some points. Even I can admit I was being a giant bitch sometimes.” 

He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly remembering some moments that had gotten under his skin. “No, I really never did. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there were definitely moments that pissed me off. Like you accusing me of cheating on you when we were still together, but I could never hate you.” 

“It definitely was a favorite of mine. It just made you so mad.” You giggled, remembering all the times you used to hurl the allegation at him. Back then you were just so angry that you wanted him to feel the same, and it worked every time. 

His face suddenly turned serious, however. “I know you’re laughing and all… But you know I didn’t, right? Like I never would’ve done that to you.”

You knew that he more than likely hadn’t. It just wasn’t the type of person he was, though you also never thought he would've broken up with you back then, so what did you really know? You never know someone truly, no matter what they show you. 

“I choose to believe you.” You decided to answer honestly. “Of course there’s some part of me that will always wonder, but no I don’t think you did, but who knows? And who cares? It doesn't really matter anymore. We’re getting along fine regardless of what did or didn’t happen back then.”

His brows furrowed, face twisting. “But I care that you think that, even if it’s just a little bit.”

You shrugged, not understanding why this was such a big deal to him. “Why do you care what I think? Like I said, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything.” 

He took his hand that wasn’t holding his drink and rubbed it down his face. “It just does. It just—”

Okay, you were done with this conversation. Nothing between the two of you could ever stay civil it seemed. You slapped your hand over his mouth, his eyes widening as your palm settled over his lips. 

“Stop,” You whispered. “Please, just let it go.”

You felt his face slump beneath your touch, looking at you like he wanted so badly to say more, but in the end he dropped his gaze between the small space that separated you and simply nodded. 

You let your hand linger there a little longer. Touching him like this for no reason other than that you could. It was the first time that the two of you were not under the watchful eye of someone, and for some reason it intrigued you. The way your chest was suddenly beating wildly, your legs feeling weak in the water. 

Jungkook was staring at you now. His gaze seemed to burn you with how intense it was. You felt his lips purse into your fingers, the sensation forcing a shiver up your arm, and yet you still didn’t pull away. He waited a couple of seconds and then he was pushing his head forward until the back of your knuckles were skimming your mouth, leaving just your hand separating the two of you. 

Your breath hitched. “What’re you doing?” 

“What’re you doing?” He said beneath your palm.

“I…” You trailed off, because you didn’t know what you were doing. Why were you still touching him? “I don’t know.” 

You felt your fingers start to separate, almost against your will. You couldn’t see his mouth since your faces were so close together, but you could feel his breath against your lips. You began to shake slightly, your teeth chattering with some type of anticipation. But anticipation for what? The entire reason you were down here, naked in this water, was because of a simple kiss with him earlier that had freaked you out, and now here you were seeming to want to do it willingly. 

You were both at a stalemate it seemed, however. Just staring at each other, both of your chests starting to rise and fall dramatically the longer this went on. His brows were furrowing, eyes full of emotion that seemed to look like genuine pain at the closeness of this. Your mouth parted and your tongue ran along the edge of your lip. Jungkook did the same as if he was trying to invite you to just give in. You felt yourself falling into it, and suddenly your mouths were just barely touching between your fingers. His tongue brushed at your bottom lip, making your stomach clench with a sudden rush of arousal. You shouldn’t be doing this. You absolutely should not be doing this, but this entire situation just felt so… tempting. You felt yourself almost give in, when this odd moment of lust was interupted. 

“What kind of weird foreplay is this?” Taehyung asked, a lot closer than he had been several minutes ago. 

You yanked yourself back instantly, hand flying to your mouth as if you had been burned. Your entire body felt tingly with adrenaline. You glanced at Jungkook who had put himself between you and Taehyung. You couldn’t see his face, so you couldn’t tell how this had affected him either. 

“Jeez, what’s with that face?” Taehyung asked Jungkook. “Looks like you’re gonna drown me.” 

You were curious to know what Jungkook’s expression looked like to warrant that kind of reaction, but before you could swim around to see, Jimin was jumping on Taehyung. 

“Taehyung, you fucking idiot!” He yelled, pretending to strangle him. 

“Dude, I can feel your dick on my back!” Taehyung tried swimming away, a disgusted look on his face as he tried to evade Jimin. “Gross!” 

They continued to play-fight in the water, and you could see Sana and Jennie staring at you. It wasn’t in a judgmental way, but more so that they were very curious as to what had just been going on between you and Jungkook. You grimaced, simply shrugging, because you had no idea what had been going on either. 

Okay, you needed to get out of this water. Before it felt freeing, now you just felt trapped with all of these confusing thoughts. You tapped Jungkook on the shoulder. He hesitated before turning around to look at you. When he did, you were surprised. He seemed almost… scared? Or just worried of what you might say. 

“Can you go get my bathing suit for me?” You asked, and you saw the way he relaxed at the simple request. 

“Yeah, I’ll be right back.” He motioned for you to hand him your drink that was still in your hand. You gave it to him, and then he was swimming towards the shore. He sat the empty cans down on the sand and picked up your swimsuit. He was about to turn around to come back into the water when you saw the way he froze momentarily. He glanced down and adjusted something in the front of his boxers. 

You couldn’t stifle your laugh as he started to make his way back to you with your clothes blocking his crotch. Seems he had certainly been affected as well by that almost kiss. 

“Having a problem there?” You asked as he handed the two-piece to you.

“What? I can’t control it,” He said as you started to pull your bottoms on and tie your top back around your neck. 

“I know, I know.” You bit your lip, guessing that you should address what just happened. “Sorry about that, by the way. I don’t know what I was doing. You know how I am when I drink.” 

He shook his head. “It’s fine. Nothing to be sorry about.” 

You knew that the two of you had both been complicit in whatever that was, but you were the one that had been unable to pull away from him in the first place. Your hand had been stuck to his mouth, not wanting to let go. God, you stupid girl. 

You shook the thoughts of your idiocy away. “Okay, well, I'm still gonna get out of here.” You glanced at Jennie and Sana who were still with the guys. Everyone had drifted back to being much further away now. You figured you’d just sneak off without letting them know. “Let them stay and have their fun.” 

“I’ll come with you,” Jungkook said, following you as you began your trek back to the shore. 

“You don’t have to. You can stay and hang out if you want.” 

Jungkook made a face. “And have to watch whatever’s about to go down between the four of them? I’m good.” 

You laughed as you stepped onto solid land, gathering up your shirt and shorts from earlier. “They’re all very attractive people. It wouldn’t be so bad.” 

Jungkook grabbed his gym shorts from earlier, slipping them on quickly over his soaking wet boxers, and you couldn’t help but notice the thick outline of his cock before he managed to pull them up completely. You clenched your teeth, your brain sending another rush through your body that had your toes curling in the sand. This was getting ridiculous. You were very capable of controlling these passing moments of lust, but all the drinking from today had made your walls falter slightly. It wasn’t that you were belligerent or anything. It was just a slight buzz at this point. But you were always a lot more aroused after a day or night of drinking, and this seemed to be no exception. The problem was you could usually ignore it by going to your own room, now you were stuck in one with Jungkook for the night. 

“Still, I’m gonna pass on that,” Jungkook replied, breaking you from your thoughts. “Come on, let’s go.” 

“Are you trying to go to sleep or stay up with everyone at the house?” You asked as you both began the miserable journey of navigating through the sand. 

“I could do either.” He shrugged. “What do you wanna do?” 

“I don’t know—” You had started to say before your foot hit a particularly deep pit that had you falling flat on your face. “Fuck my life.” You spit a couple of grains out that had managed to make it into your mouth. 

Jungkook knelt down next to you, laughing hysterically as he brushed some of the sand off of your face. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m not drunk, I promise.” You flipped onto your back, the exhaustion from being in the sun and swimming this whole time seeming to finally catch up to you. “I just can’t walk in this shit.” 

“Yeah, reminds me of that time after prom when we snuck out after we got home and drove to the beach. I stole that bottle from my dad’s liquor cabinet. You fell like a million times.” Jungkook smiled as he sat down next to you. “God, my dad was so pissed.” 

You chuckled at the memory. It was your senior year in high school. You and Jungkook had been dating for a while at that point. It was after a fun night of dancing, and you and him had come up with the brilliant idea to go back home like you were supposed to and then sneak out afterwards for an impromptu beach trip in the middle of the night. You guys drank once you got there and then slept in his car. You were both caught by your parents of course the next morning, but yours had been more casual about the incident. 

“Yeah, he wouldn’t let you see me for like a month.” You turned on your side, one hand holding your head up as you looked at Jungkook. “My parents thought it was kind of cute. Young love and all that, but you know they’ve always been less strict.” 

Jungkook nodded, moving a piece of hair off of your face. “My dad is more of a cynic of love than your parents, unfortunately.” 

You grabbed your chin, giving him a studied look. “Hm, should I psychologically diagnose your relationship issues? I think I have all I need.” You laughed.

He gave you a small smile. “Not necessary. I mean, I know we talked about this back in the day, but he’s just always been mad about my mom leaving him. Made him a bit of a prick.” 

“A prick indeed. He wouldn’t even let me come by the house anymore after that. Not even just to sit in the living room.” You huffed, still a bit agitated by that whole ordeal from years ago apparently. 

“Yeah, didn’t stop me from sneaking you into my room afterwards though.” He smirked. “So his cynicism clearly didn’t work too well on me.” 

You decided not to say the quiet part out loud, that maybe some of his cynicism had in fact rubbed off on Jungkook. Maybe that’s why he thought that the first relationship he ever got into wouldn’t work out in the end. You weren’t giving him an excuse, simply just trying to see the reasoning behind it. 

“Yeah, fun times,” You decided to say simply. 

“You ready to head back inside?” He asked. 

“Yeah, kinda wanna take a shower and lay down. It was a long day.” 

“Me too.” He stood up, holding his hand out to help you up. You grabbed it and he pulled you to your feet. “Let’s go.” 

You both made your way to the house, climbing the stairs with some difficulty. “Oh my god, my legs are killing me,” You complained, kneading at your thighs once you made it to the top where the back entrance was. 

“We’ve got one more set to go to get to the room. You gonna make it?” He laughed. 

“Guess we’ll see.” You huffed, both of you making your way through the living room. There were still quite a lot of people up, but most of them were too drunk to notice either of you as you found the staircase that led upstairs. Each step was a pain, but you did manage to make it to the top and find your way down the hall to the bedroom. 

You felt yourself start to tense up as the scenario of you and Jungkook actually having to share a room together tonight actually came to fruition. You grabbed the handle, pushing your way inside and immediately went to your bag that had some sleeping clothes inside. 

“You can take one first.” He motioned towards the bathroom door that was inside of your room. 

“Okay.” You nodded and made a beeline inside and shut yourself away from him. 

Your heart was racing. Why? This was going to be simple. It was just sleeping next to one another. It wasn’t anything more. You kept telling yourself that as you slipped into the shower and began to scrub the sand and saltwater from your skin and hair. And before you knew it the normal amount of time that you should be in here was up, and you were going to have to go back in there with him. You got dressed, taking deep breaths to calm your nerves. 

“You can do this,” You whispered to yourself before opening the door. You saw Jungkook sitting on a towel that was draped over a chair in the corner to not get it completely wet from his clothes. “Your turn.” 

“Thanks.” He gave you a small smile as he passed you. 

Once the door was closed you jumped into the bed and nestled yourself beneath the covers. You tried to relax, but your body just wouldn’t stop squirming. It seemed barely any time had passed before he emerged from the bathroom in a new pair of boxers, still shirtless with steam following him out. 

But at least you weren’t the only one that seemed nervous. He approached the side of the bed cautiously, licking his lips as he looked around the room awkwardly. 

“Uhm, you want me to turn out the light?” He asked, pointing to the fan that sat on the ceiling in the center of the room. 

“I assume we wouldn’t get much sleep with it on, so sure.” You shrugged, trying to seem casual when this felt anything but that.

He reached up, pulling the string that plunged the room into darkness, but not completely. The moon was full and the blinds on the windows in this room allowed a decent amount of light in from behind the bed, creating a sort of spotlight on you. 

Of fucking course it did. 

Jungkook pulled the covers back, sliding in next to you. “Okay, uhm, goodnight.” He gave you a forced smile as he turned to face away from you. 

“Yeah, uhm, goodnight,” You said back. 

You shouldn’t be making this weird. He wasn’t. But even though your bodies weren’t touching, you could just feel him next to you. His presence caused your limbs to fidget and flounder beneath the sheets. You knew that it wasn’t just this insane scenario of being in the same bed with him. It was the fact that you had the terrible inclination of becoming incessantly aroused after drinking. You weren’t drunk, just a little tipsy. You were tired but felt restless at the same time, like you couldn’t relax fully. It was a couple of minutes of you tossing and turning before you knew that this was pointless. You weren’t going to fall asleep like this. 

You sat up in bed. “I’ll be back.” You went to climb off your side of the bed when Jungkook was suddenly catching your arm, keeping you in place. You turned to look at him. He was staring at you with a serious expression. “What’re you doing?” You asked. 

He rubbed at his temple, lips thinning. “Okay, I know this is gonna be awkward, but I’m just gonna say it. We dated for a long time, Y/N. I know how you are after you drink. You’re horny right now, and no way you’re going down there with those drunk motherfuckers.” 

You scoffed, pulling your arm away. “I’m not gonna fuck anyone. Do you think I’m stupid? I was just gonna walk around for a bit.” 

“You just took a shower. Do you really wanna walk around down there? It’s a fucking mess. Tae’s parents are totally gonna kill him.” He paused. “And if you go down there I’ll have to come with you just for… Peace of mind I guess.” 

“Yeah, they’re gonna murder him for sure.” You agreed. “But I also can’t just stay up here. I can’t sleep. It’s… uncomfortable.”

He pursed his lips. “Am I doing something to make you uncomfortable?” 

You shook your head. “No, but your presence is… It’s just distracting, okay?” 

“Distracting?” He repeated the word back to you. 

You rolled your eyes. “You know what I mean by that and I’m not going to elaborate just to boost your ego.” 

“Do you want me to sleep on the floor?” He asked, motioning beside the bed. 

As much as it might help, you weren’t going to make him sleep on a hardwood floor just because you were having an issue. “No, I don’t want that.” 

Jungkook scratched at his chest, jaw hardening as he looked around the room for a minute. He took a deep breath before replying with something that had your skin scorching hot. “Do you… Do you want me to do something for you?” 

Your fists clenched, teeth gnawing at the inside of your cheek with his insinuation. “No, I don’t need you to fuck me.” 

Jungkook sat up. “I didn’t say that we should have sex. I meant… I could just do something else to… help you.” He slid a hand down his face, clearly not good at wording these things in a delicate way. 

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Wow, I wonder what gentlemanly services you could possibly be alluding to?” You said with a bit of venom behind your words. 

Jungkook smacked his lips. “Okay, enough of this. I’m just gonna say it and then it’s up to you. Do you want me to make you come or not?” 

Your pulse exploded as he said the words plainly. You could feel it pounding deep in your core, seeming to say, yes, yes, yes, but you tried to tamper it down as best you could. This wasn’t something simple that you could just agree to. The only thing that was keeping you from denying it outright was the fact that he said that it wasn’t going to be through the two of you actually having sex. At least then he wasn’t getting anything out of it. But even so, you were hesitant. 

“I don’t wanna make it weird.” Jungkook filled the silence. “I was just offering. We don’t have to. I know we had that talk at Yoongi’s party about how these types of things shouldn’t happen, but I figured since I’m just making you come it’d be a little different.” 

You bit at the nail on your thumb as you thought it over. Again, he wasn’t getting anything out of this, so what could really be the harm? You turned to face him completely, hands fidgeting in your lap. 

“What would you be… doing exactly?” You asked, holding your breath as you asked the question. 

You watched Jungkook’s eyes widen slightly in the light, seeming surprised that you were entertaining this. “Whatever you want me to. I’ll do it.” 

You grimaced not liking the way that sounded. “Ugh, you make it seem like I’m forcing you.” 

He started waving his hands in the air immediately. “No, you are not forcing me at all. I want to.” 

You gave him a quizzical look. “Why? You won’t get to come, so what’s the point?” 

“Just want to.” He shrugged. 

You narrowed your eyes. “Because you think I’m weak and will just end up wanting to have sex with you anyways once we start?” 

“Jesus, no.” He sighed, head falling into his hands. “That’s not what this is. I promise I will not try to have sex with you—even if you ask.” 

You scoffed. “Oh, so you’re so amazing that you think I won’t be able to help myself from asking you to fuck me, huh?” 

He closed his eyes slowly, shaking his head. “Nevermind. Forget I asked. I’m sorry.” 

He went to lay back down, but you reached out and grabbed both of his shoulders to keep him up before you knew what you were doing. Your faces were just a couple of inches apart now, both of you frozen momentarily. His eyes were wide as your nails dug into his skin. You paused, giving yourself one last chance to think about this. Again, this wasn’t a good idea. You knew that. But something was just scratching at you wanting you to do it. 

“No sex?” You whispered, biting at your bottom lip. 

He shook his head, eyes never leaving yours. “No sex. Just whatever you want.” 

You nodded. “Okay, you can… you can touch me. Just don’t drag it out. You’ll be quick?” 

He nodded, sucking a deep breath in through his nose. His hand came to rest against your ribs on the outside of your shirt. You tensed beneath his palm and you knew he felt it by the way he pulled it away immediately. 

Jungkook leaned forward, his forehead pressing against yours. “This isn’t me trying to drag it out, I promise, but can I… Kiss you?” He asked. “Might make this a little less weird for you.” 

You agreed that it would make things a lot less strange. This dance of trying to get things going would be a lot faster if your mouths were occupied. “Yeah, you can.” 

He seemed to sigh in relief. His eyes flickered down to your mouth, hand cupping the side of your face before he was slanting his lips against yours. It was slow at first, both of you testing how the other wanted this to go. After all, this was your first real kiss with him in over two years. Not one that was for the benefit of others. Your fingers settled on the sides of his neck as he gently brushed his tongue along yours. You both let out soft moans at the same time, pausing to pull back and look at each other for a moment. You knew the light that was coming in through the window was probably highlighting a wild look in your eyes, but Jungkook’s were the same; erratic as he searched your face. 

Then you were grabbing his hair and he was grabbing your sides, both of you crushing together once more, but this time with a rippling intensity. 

“Fuck,” He whispered against your mouth before his tongue stroked your bottom lip slowly. 

“You said you weren’t gonna drag this out,” You said, but still closed the gap once again with a frenzied kiss. “Touch me or we’re stopping.” 

“Sorry, I just got…” He stared at you, shaking his head like couldn’t believe this was happening, but he quickly dipped his head down to the crook of your neck, sucking at the skin there. “I just got caught up for a second.” 

You felt his fingers gently tugging at the material of your shorts and underwear. You reached down to help him pull them down to your knees before lifting up and discarding them onto the floor, leaving you in a long t-shirt. 

You were straddling him suddenly, his hands immediately squeezing at your inner thighs. He kept his eyes on you as he slowly slid his fingers higher until he just barely brushed at your center. The sensation had you freezing up, nails digging into his shoulders. You didn’t know why you were reacting this way. This was just a simple graze of his hand, but it had you feeling electrified. 

“This is how you want me to make you come?” Jungkook asked, his thumb sliding along the wetness between your legs, the sensation making your hips jump against his hand. 

“Mhm,” You mumbled, screwing your eyes shut and laying your head down on his shoulder. 

He pressed the pad of his finger against your clit, and you felt your face turn into his neck, whimpering as he slowly circled it. He kept repeating the motion as he slid a finger inside of you. He pumped slow and tortuous at first. You really couldn’t believe you were doing this, but it just felt so good. You couldn’t deny that. 

You lifted your head to whisper against his mouth. “More,” You said, kissing him. “Please.” 

Jungkook groaned, biting at his lip as he pushed another finger inside of you, his movements going faster now. “Fuck, you’re so wet.” He used his other hand to grab your jaw, forcing you to look at his again. 

The second your eyes connected with his, the building tension in your stomach started to climb faster. His fingers started to curl inside of you, his thumb still sliding along your clit. You leaned away from him slightly, using one of your hands to cover your eyes as your breathing turned into pants. You just couldn't bring yourself to look at him when this was happening. It was too much. It felt fucking great, but seeing his face had your heartbeat stuttering with some weird mix of emotions. But his movements started to slow, and you felt the guard you’d put up being pulled down as Jungkook grabbed your hand and forced meet his eyes again. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, pushing a piece of hair off of your face. “Do you wanna stop? We can stop if you need to.” 

You were shaking your head immediately. It was just vulnerable letting him see you like this after so long. “No, don’t.” Your hips started to grind against his fingers, a shaky whine falling past your lips. “I-I’m fine. I promise.” 

Jungkook let out a soft sigh as your mind started to slip as the tension in your belly began to tighten. You dropped your forehead against his, mouth hanging open as you felt yourself dancing at the edge. As you got closer all of the conflicting feelings starting to fade away. 

You were basically riding his fingers now, your nails digging into his neck. It had only been a couple of minutes and you were already close. It wasn’t like you were touch-starved, and with anyone else you would never be able to come this quick just by getting fingered. You would have to think about those implications later because—

 “Fuck, fuck—” You were almost there. 

“About to come?” Jungkook asked. There was a tiny smile ghosting along the corners of his mouth. You couldn’t even bring yourself to care if you were mad about him seeming so self-satisfied, because your brain was no longer thinking clearly. 

“Y-yes.” You nodded, grabbing his face and kissing him. “Fuck, I’m gonna come. Don’t stop, baby. I—” 

You gasped, immediately slapping a hand over your mouth. You couldn’t believe you’d just called him that. It was just the normal nickname you’d said to one another while dating, but that was definitely not something that you ever thought you’d say to him again. His eyes mirrored your shock as you tried to climb off of him immediately, completely embarrassed, but he was holding you in place and still working at the wetness that was now dripping down your thighs. 

He cupped the side of your head, his eyes begging you to stay. “No, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” He repeated again and again. 

You knew you should stop, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to. You nodded, silently telling him you wanted him to finish. His eyes grew sultry as he grabbed the back of your hair, gently tilting your head back. You felt his tongue start at the base of your throat. Your ability to breathe was completely taken away as he slowly licked his way up the center of your neck. 

You snapped in an instant, releasing a strangled cry as his tongue curled beneath your chin. Your head fell against his shoulder as you pulsed around his fingers. You let yourself enjoy these couple of seconds, because you knew in a moment the reality of what you’d just done was going to come rushing in. 

You breathed heavy against his skin, and you could feel his chest rushing and falling fast beneath your own. His hand that’d grabbed your hair before was now gently petting you. It felt nice, you had to admit, but you knew that it couldn’t stay like this. You started to peel yourself away from him. 

“Uhm, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I called you that—” You started to say, avoiding eye contact. You could only chalk it up to your brain being familiar with saying it when you had been with Jungkook like this before, so it had simply slipped out. But you didn’t get to finish your apology as Jungkook grabbed either side of your head, making you look at him. 

His brows were scrunched together, lips parted as his thumb ran along your jaw. “Can I make you come again? Please?” He asked, nearly breathless. 

Your eyes shot open. “What? I told you no sex, asshole.”

He shook his head quickly. “I didn’t mean sex.” He paused, biting at the inside of his lip as he glanced between your bodies. “Wanna eat you out.” 

Even though you had just came, you felt yourself throb at his request. But you couldn’t understand why he would want to do that. Maybe some odd sense of self-satisfaction for him, but Jungkook slept with plenty of girls. There was no reason for him to need your approval specifically. 

“Why?” You asked, glancing down at his cock straining against his boxers. “You’re hard and not getting anything out of it.” 

He tried pushing it to the side, but it really did nothing to hide how much it was fighting against the material. He pressed his finger against your lips, letting it linger there. “I don’t care about that. Just wanna make you come again. Wanna taste you.” 

The slight throb from before was now an intense ache, your body seeming to beg you to say yes to him. You knew you shouldn’t. This had already been something that shouldn’t have happened in the first place, but in the end it had. So what was the harm in just doing it a little longer? You had already fucked up. 

“Okay.” You swallowed, your throat dry as Jungkook’s expression split into absolute relief. 

He slowly lifted himself onto his knees before gently pushing you down to lay against the pillows at the top of the bed. He leaned down tentatively, kissing at the side of your neck, like he felt the need to be careful or you would bolt like some scared animal. That feeling annoyed you slightly, like you were a helpless participant in this scenario. 

You immediately gripped his hair, yanking him back to face you. “I’ve heard from other people that you’re quite good at this now, so why don’t you show me instead of trying to act so sweet, hm?” 

Jungkook’s features seem to stutter momentarily, some sort of strange emotion ebbing across them. “Interesting,” He said simply. 

“What’s interesting?” You asked, confused. 

“Guess I only like it when you’re mean to me.” He smirked. 

You couldn’t even reply to his comment about the joke you’d made earlier that night before his forehead started to drag down the top of your shirt. He lowered himself down the bed before settling between your legs. They felt  wobbly as he lifted them over his shoulders, the aftershocks of your last orgasm still lingering. 

Jungkook gave you one final glance before dipping his head down, your back arching off the bed as he licked along your heat with the lightest graze imaginable. It had you locking one of your hands in his hair in an instant, pressing him closer. You felt a deep groan from the back of his throat vibrate against you. 

“Ah, fuck. Right there,” You whispered, closing your eyes as he sucked your swollen clit between his lips, the tip of his tongue caressing it with just the right amount of pressure. 

It wasn’t that Jungkook had ever been bad at going down on you, but this was definitely different. It seemed he knew everything you needed him to do without having to say it. He knew when not to change up his pace, and knew exactly how you needed him to touch you. And maybe you should be pissed off knowing that the only reason he was so good at this now was because he’d had endless practice, but you decided you couldn’t bring yourself to care until after this was done.  

His fingers dug against your thighs, his teeth lightly nipped around your clit, the sensation had you sitting up slightly, one hand still in his tangled in the dark strands of his hair. Your mouth was hanging open and you finally opened your eyes, and when you did you felt yourself almost come right then. 

Jungkook was grinding his cock against the bed beneath him, thrusting as he ate you out. You should stop him. Tell him that him getting anything out of this wasn’t part of the deal, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Hiis hips were jerking at the bed so desperately. It was so… hot? Fuck, what was wrong with you? 

You pushed the thought away, just choosing to watch as he fucked himself against the bed while he licked and sucked against you. You heard him groan, his waist starting to jerk as his bare back flexed. You couldn’t hold it any longer. You ground your teeth together to stop the high-pitched scream that wanted to echo as you came hard against his tongue. “F-fuck, fuck, fuck!” You whined as he continued to lap at you. 

Then he was grunting, his nails biting into your skin as his hips suddenly stilled against the bed. He laid there for a couple of seconds before lifting himself up. “Oh my fucking god,” He whispered inbetween heavy breaths as he looked down at his soaked boxers in shock. 

You had to pull your legs up with your hands, they were practically dead weight with how tingly your entire body felt right now. “Well, that’s not fair. You weren’t supposed to get to come too.” 

Jungkook threw his hand out, shaking his head. “That’s never happened to me before. I’m sorry. I… I don’t know what happened.” 

You rolled your eyes, turning over to your side of the bed. “It’s whatever. I guess you deserved it a little bit.” 

Jungkook was grabbing at the back of his neck, clearly shaken up over the fact that he had just came in his pants like some inexperienced teenager. You thought it was kind of funny how humiliated he was acting. He grabbed a towel from the bathroom, wiping himself off before digging through his bag to find another pair of boxers. 

He started to go to the bathroom to change, but stopped and made his way to stand by the side of the bed instead. “I know you’re gonna fall asleep in like two seconds so I just wanna ask this before I go in there. Uhm, are we okay?” He asked. 

You tongued along the inside of your cheek. What just happened was definitely not something that should’ve transpired. It was dumb and stupid and reckless. But for some reason you also didn’t think that it really changed anything. It wasn’t even sex, and while yes it was just every bit as intimate in some regards, it still didn’t cross the line of no return that you had set for yourself. It was just two… friends? Helping each other out? It was complicated for sure, but it wasn’t something that was going to make you shun him come tomorrow. 

“Yeah, we’re good.” You yawned as sleep started to descend upon you quickly as it always had after an orgasm. You never managed to stay up too long after one, and Jungkook knew that which was his reason for getting this conversation out of the way before going to the bathroom. 

“Good. Good. ” He nodded. “Uhm, I’m gonna take another shower, so goodnight if you’re already asleep when I get back.” 

“Goodnight, Kook,” You mumbled as your eyes started to feel heavy. 

You heard the door to the bathroom close. Your mind began to drift into sleep almost immediately. Flashes of everything that had gone on today tried to replay themselves. They attempted to wiggle their way into your anxious mind, but even though Jungkook was the reason you were having these thoughts in the first place, he was also the reason that you couldn’t stay awake to worry about them. 

Tomorrow though, that was going to be a much different story. 

—————

Jungkook 

Jungkook stepped out of the shower, drying off his body and slipping on some more underwear. He looked at himself in the mirror. His expression looked wild and wrecked. He kept replaying the horror of what happened. It had been going so well. You had been enjoying yourself, but of course he had to ruin it with his stupid fucking dick. He hadn’t even realized what he was doing at first until he was so close to coming that he just couldn’t stop. Now you probably thought of him as some sex fiend who couldn’t even eat a girl out without also somehow managing to get himself off. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he opened the bathroom door, anxious that you might have changed your mind about everything being okay. But his worries faded pretty quickly as he saw that you were already asleep. He walked slowly towards the edge of the bed and climbed next to you beneath the covers. You had them pulled up to your chin, breathing softly against your pillow. He smiled as he positioned himself right in front of your face, just an inch or so of space between the two of you. 

He reached out, barely ghosting his fingertips along your cheek. He wanted so desperately to pull you closer, but he knew he couldn’t. Even after the night the two of you’d just had together, he didn't have that right anymore, and it was completely his fault. 

He rolled onto his back and squeezed his eyes shut, flashbacks of the night he broke up with you suddenly playing through his head on repeat. You were crying so much. He remembered trying to keep his tears at bay as that overwhelming look of hurt crossed your face. 

“You wanna see other… p-people?” You had asked that night. Your voice broke in a way that made it feel like someone was stabbing him. 

“I… I think so,” He’d said back then. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I still love you, but I don’t know what to do.” 

It felt like someone was beating him in the chest as those memories flooded their way inside of his head. He bit his lip so hard it almost bled as he remembered how much of a fucking idiot he was back then. He ruined something perfect all because of a possibility. He wished so badly he could go back and strangle himself. Stop him from making a mistake that would drown him for years to come. 

Jungkook never should’ve broken up with you. He thought that maybe his first relationship shouldn’t be the end all be all. He was young, and he didn’t know what he wanted at the time—and look where that had gotten him. He was stuck here in the same bed as the girl that he loved and he wasn’t even allowed to touch her. 

He rolled back onto his side, staring at you as you slept soundly. He felt his face tighten and his eyes start to burn. He bit down on his cheek forcing any semblance of tears back down. He didn’t deserve to cry. He had done this to himself. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered in the quietest voice he couldn’t possibly muster. “I’m so sorry, baby.” 

When you had called him that tonight, it had left him stunned. He knew you’d said it by accident, but it had torn something open inside of him to hear you call him that after so long. That was why he asked if you would let him keep going. He wanted to hear you say it over and over and over. He would’ve made you come all night long at just the possibility that you might slip up and say it one more time. He wanted it so fucking badly. 

Jungkook’s jaw tightened, because he knew there was something he had to do. Tonight felt amazing, but also painful. He knew he couldn’t continue on with hiding these feelings from you. Even if it was selfish, he had to tell you. But for now he simply stared at you. He basked in what it was like to be this close to you. 

He did that because after tomorrow, with what he was going to tell you, there was a possibility that you would never let him be close to you ever again. 

[jungblue]

can we pretty please get a sneak peek of the next chapter of Aiw🥹🥹💙💙💙

Jungkook’s head dropped, burying his face beneath his palm. Your brows furrowed, not sure as to why he was reacting like this. The two of you had a good time today. No arguing or fighting. Just simply enjoying one another’s company. But as you looked at him now, sitting down next to you in the sand as the sun set… All you saw was pain.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, reaching out to grab his shoulder. “You feel sick or something?”

He glanced over at you, peeking between his fingers. Only giving you a second of eye contact before hiding away again. He yanked at the fringes of hair that fell over his forehead before sliding his hand down to settle over his mouth.

You both stayed silent, only the sloshing waves against the shoreline giving any sort of reprieve from the tension. You watched as his nails dug into his thighs, teeth gnashing into the side of his cheek. He seemed to be fighting something.

“Jungkook, seriously. What the hell is going on?” You asked, a slight tremor invading your voice due to the way he was acting.

You watched as he squeezed his eyes shut while taking a deep breath. Suddenly he turned his body towards you, but his face was staring at the ground. He reached out, grabbing your hand. His thumb caressed across your knuckles, the intimate gesture making you freeze.

What the hell was this? What was he doing?

“Y/N, I need to talk to you about something…” He trailed off, slowly lifting his head to meet your gaze.

“Okay, just say whatever it is then.” You tried shrugging casually, but it felt like your heart was about to beat out of your chest. “You’re freaking me out.”

Jungkook bit at his bottom lip, squeezing your hand like he thought you’d disappear. “I know what I'm about to say to you is the most selfish thing in the world. It might make you hate me… But I have to tell you. I just fucking have to.”

[jungblue]

Hi, I first want to start off by letting you know that you are an incredibly talented writer. I have been reading fanfic for yeeeeaars and I can say that you are the first author who is able to REALLY make me feel ALL the feels so well. I don’t know how to put it into words but... you are amazing. I wanted to ask why some of the fics in the masterlist lead to an unavailable link? I would love to read Backseat Serenade!!! Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for saying that! As for the broken link, it might be an old post you’re seeing possibly. I have taken some fics off my masterlist simply bc I just don’t think they’re that well written. There are still fics on my masterlist that I’d honestly like to take off like ihyily or hidden stars, and some others, but I know people enjoy them so I don’t want to delete them. It’s not that I necessarily dislike the stories but I think they’re could be more well written than when I first started writing back then

[jungblue]

the devils change up has been sitting on my blog for a while now cuz i reblogged it a long time ago but i never got around to reading it cuz i usually read fics at like three am and it was like waaaayyyy too long for a three am reading but it's 1 am and i just read it and... ur great i wish i could have ur talent

Aww thank you 💙 Tdcu was a big challenge for me to tackle when I was writing it. I never would’ve imagined when I first started writing it that it would end up being 40k. It was one of my most enjoyable writing experiences. I had so much fun writing it, so I’m glad so many people were able to enjoy it!

[jungblue]

the purger hobi fic😭😭 will you leave us hanging????😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 plus i love ur Fics. thank you for being so amazing writer and giving us a chance to read your works ❤they're amazing.

I really do love that story line, it would just be hard for me to continue after so long with my current writing style. If anything I’d have to rewrite it from the beginning with how I write currently. Which I think is possible in the future. It’s definitely different than anything I’ve written and would enjoy putting something like that out again. Definitely possible it could happen. Thank you for reading it!!

[jungblue]

omg i want Aphrodite in War to be turned into a series or movie so bad 😭 but not one of those cheesy adaptations, they need to stick to your writing word-for-word because holy shit u write so well 💞💞💞

Thank you for wanting that 💙

[jungblue]

i suddenly had the thought of rereading a jungblue fanfic on a random friday then i saw that ur back !! omg u don't know how happy i am i dont have anybody to talk to abt this. welcome back u have been thoroughly missed 🫶

Thank you so much l!! Glad to be back 💙

[jung-koook]

never getting over this look on him 😩 (cr.)

[lusse7]

[jungblue]

Do you still watch anime?? I just watched Cyberpunk:Edgerunners cause I remembered JK recommending it and it was good for a short anime idk what to do w my life now 😭

I do! Not as much as when I was younger and had more free time but still watch a decent amount every year. I love edgerunners I also have an extremely emotional attachment to that song like jk 😭 Wakes me up like a sleeper agent lmao. I love the cyberpunk genre. One of my favorite animes is psycho pass, which isn’t like edgerunners at all but still very good. If you want something emotional and futuristic I’d recommend Astra Lost in Space. Only about 12 eps but one season one completed story and emotionally impactful. One of the most satisfying stories I think you’ll get in anime

[jungblue]

just want to say I’m obsessed with your work it feels like Christmas whenever you post I can’t believe I get to read it for free!

Omgg that’s so sweet 😭😭 I’m glad it can make you feel that way and bring some sort of happiness 💙

[jungblue]

“i’m so sorry baby” AAAAHH I CRIED😭😭😭😭😭 need my babies together so baddddd

amazing chapter btw i felt all the emotions 😭🫶🏽

Thank you!! Glad you enjoyed it 💙

[jungblue]

(Because I love suffering) would you be writing more about what went down during their breakup in Y/N’s room? Like JK’s actions that led to it or how the entire convo played out.

Yeah I’ll probably end up including more about that night. I originally didn’t think I’d do a flashback, but maybe I will. Just depends if it feels right to fit into the story at some point

[jung-koook]

.....😩

[jung-koook]

I FEEL INSANEEEEEE

[jjungkkook]

Black Swan - Las Vegas D2 (cr. kaysietam)

[jjungkkook]