Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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$LAYYYTER
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@omgzimmbitty
maybe kent parson is better than me bc if i had an emotionally fraught situationship/whatever with a fellow closeted professional athlete who ghosted me for eons even after i found him almost dead the night before one of the biggest events of our young lives, only to watch him win the stanley cup & come out by kissing his boyfriend on the ice for the world to see, & the boyfriend looked almost exactly like me? id be on the fucking news
We asked, you answered! The poll is still live for a couple more days but we don't do retractions at The Swallow, so like this is just the way it is.
Upset by your ranking? Feel free to drop by our HQ and convince us why you deserve a higher one ;)
Hot goss is a campus-wide community effort. If you hear something before we do (unlikely), be sure to drop us a line or submit an article so we can share all the sordid details!!
the fact that jack is 5 years older than bitty is so inspired because it means that when jack was going through the worst years of his life, bitty was in middle school... neither of them got through 2009 unscathed
jack: *opening up to bitty about how awful and traumatic his life was when he was 18*
jack: it was really tough.... anyways what were you up to haha
bitty: I was in middle school
jack: oh that's worse
So I have a new headcanon that eventually, Jack will write a cookbook. After years of watching Bitty cook, Jack picks up a lot. At first, he's shy in the kitchen and looks to Bitty for reassurance and guidance. Gradually, he dives into cooking with gusto. Much to Bitty—and Bob's—delight, he becomes more fearless and adventurous in the kitchen.
With Bitty's busy schedule, Jack begins cooking more meals at home. He approaches Nate the team's dietitian for info on cooking for athletes. They have long chats and Nate gives him lots of books and recommends some online courses if Jack is "really interested." Which he is!
Jack then finds himself making lunches for the guys. Tater draws a cute little cartoon of Jack with a chef's toque that he tapes to the nook wall.
Like everything Jack approaches, he is 110% and is diving into the science of food, particularly in relation to the athlete. Bitty is charmed beyond belief.
"Honey, this is delicious and you have definitely outdone me when it comes to cooking for the team."
"Euh, thanks, Bits."
Jack blushes but feels good when he brings food for the Falconers. And blushes even more when the guys chirp him as they happily dig into Jack's creations. It's then that Jack finally understands, truly understands what Bitty feels when he cooks for others.
Soon, FalcsTV is always abuzz about Jack's cooking, especially with Tater's What's in Zimbonni's Kitchen? segment. So, it's no surprise when Bitty's agent approaches Jack about a cookbook for athletes.
"Bits is the chef, not me," he quickly replies.
But Bitty's agent, and Bitty, smile. Soon the book debuts and, of course, it's a hit.
Shitty and the team chirp Jack within an inch of his life.
"What's with the beefcake photo, brah?" Shitty razzes (as the pride shines on his expression).
Bitty quickly shushes him.
"The publisher knows what the masses want, Byron."
Jack's a little embarrassed, but ultimately, he doesn't care. He's proud of the work he's done and smiles as he puts a copy of Eat More Protein next to all of Bitty's cookbooks in their kitchen.
Did you mean: Jack Zimmermann at the beginning of check please?
something about this tweet can be so personal
Tater taking both ringbearer and flower princess duties and taking them seriously.
The flowers are pucks.
too bad jack and bitty are in a secure relationship and are going to be married until they die because i think jack has very insane and awkward stepdad potential going on
holster years later at a smh reunion, talking to a happily married ollie&wicks: ok but was I wrong?? exactly.
he’s a 10 but he owns salmon shorts
nurseydex
He's a ten, but he starts his essays with the word "However".
he’s a 10 but he owns neon yellow sneakers
he's a 10, but he pronounces it pecan
he’s a ten but his emily dickinson takes are pedestrian
