beau

"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abraham Lincoln

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Starry Night | Finn&Beau

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finnxchasexme:

“That’s okay though, I think it’s interesting and unique,” Finn assured them.  “I mean, some people use food or alcohol or drugs to feel less lonely, which is much less healthier, so you’ve got them beat.  Plus you probably know the sky better than most people in Everwood by now.”  They walked together toward the hill, Finn feeling like he should say more.  “Sometimes to feel less lonely, I watch movies that make me feel happy, rom-coms and stuff like that.  We’ve all got our things.”

Beau sure appreciated how Finn attempted to reassure them, but now they just mainly felt confused. Finn was married, wasn’t it? Then why would he talk about satisfying loneliness? Well, Beau was no stranger to feeling alone in a room of people, but it just seemed...well, off. Well, Finn hadn’t talked about a spouse once in the time they’d been spending together. But then in that case wouldn’t he have refuted their flirting? Maybe Finn was divorced, or widowed. But if he were divorced he probably wouldn’t keep wearing his wedding ring, most likely. So maybe Finn was widowed...? Or, more likely, Beau was just overthinking all this and just hoping Finn wasn’t married.

Either way, Beau was not about to ask about it. They reached the apex of the hill and plopped down on the spot, rooting around in their backpack, biting their lip, until they exclaimed “Aha!” and pulled out a blanket from the very bottom of the pack. They folded it into thirds length-wise so it would pillow under their heads comfortably as they peered into space. “C’mere!” Beau urged with a silly, excited grin.

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connorgrace:

“Those sneaky bastards.” Connor responded, snapping his fingers with a low laugh. “I’ve never been much of a fan of the mint family - chocolate orange could have me interested if they tried hard enough.” At the suggestion, Connor got up to make his order. “Vanilla latte it is.”

Beau laughed under their breath, sipping their bitter coffee. They curled their fingers around the hot, stout mug and took a deep breath. While Beau didn’t usually enjoy going out where there were people, every once in a while it was nice to have a chat. Who knew they would meet someone so nice, though?

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Starry Night | Finn&Beau

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finnxchasexme:

“You don’t have to be good at math to appreciate astronomy,” Finn said as they headed to Beau’s stargazing spot.  “Math is definitely not everyone’s strong suit.”  When he heard Beau talking about how the stars made him feel less lonely, Finn was surprised.  “Really?” he asked them.  “I don’t think I’ve heard that before.  In general, I feel like people feel more lonely when looking at them because they realize how vast the universe is.  It’s…refreshing to see it from a different side.”

I’m just that pathetic, Beau thought, that I look out at the sky to substitute companionship. “Yeah, I guess so.” They bit their lip unsure of what to say next, when they realized they were still holding Finn’s hand. They let go suddenly with a blush, laughing a bit awkwardly. “Heh... hey, look at that, there’s the hill!” They walked just a bit faster through the clearing to the top of a grassy knoll, their favorite spot the stargaze, they called the red hill since the dirt around was more clay-like a red than anything else around it. Leave the married man alone...

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benjixnotxbenjamin:

Benji felt like he had made this awkward, so he sighed, saying, “Do you think those clothes are dry yet?  I’ve got some school work I need to do before class tomorrow.”  He felt bad for making this so weird and making Beau uncomfortable.

“Huh?” Beau snapped back into from their train of thought. “Oh yeah, sorry I zoned out a mo, let me check.” They set the mug onto the counter and started to walk off toward the laundry room but then stopped and turned around to say “Oh I think there might be some marshmallows in the cupboard just behind you, feel free to look, just don’t be put off by the, uh, wasteland that is my kitchen.” I think there’s a couple things in there? they thought. In Beau’s kitchen cabinets they were either filled with useless things or nothing at all.

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Starry Night | Finn&Beau

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finnxchasexme:

Despite the laughter, Finn was feeling downtrodden after this conversation.  It was enough to make him want to cry, but he’d learned awhile ago how to keep that inside.  In fact, he hadn’t cried since Kara’s funeral, and he didn’t intend to start, not over something so insignificant.  Taking Beau’s hand, Finn walked with them, wondering if Beau were taking him to the same spot Finn sometimes went to.  "I love looking at the stars,“ Finn told Beau.  "I’ve been fascinated with astronomy since I took it in college, which was awhile ago.  Unlike some people, I even liked the physics part of it, and trust me, there’s a lot of physics.  I should buy a telescope.”

Beau sighed happily. “I love the stars. Everything about them. Even though I’m really awful at math.” They chuckled good-naturedly. “Like...really awful. But anyway, I... I love stargazing. It’s something I used to do with my cousin when I first moved in with him, but he’s hardly ever home anymore so it’s just me. And, uh... looking at the stars doesn’t make me feel as lonely.” 

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benjixnotxbenjamin:

Benji hadn’t even really thought about the fact that he’d just revealed one of his biggest secrets (at least it felt like a secret, albeit one that a lot of people already knew).  Luckily Beau didn’t address, and Benji didn’t discuss it further.  "Sometimes insurance covers it,“ Benji went on, "but yeah, it’s mostly pointless unless it determines that you have a sleep disorder, like sleep apnea, which doesn’t sound like the case.”

Beau shrugged, leaning against the counter top and half-heartedly murmuring into their cocoa and stirring up bubbles beneath their lips. There weren’t a lot of places to go with this conversation, and they weren’t exactly looking forward to talking more about therapy so they sat back and sipped their drink for a minute.

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tristanlandau:

“I think it all depends on the thirty year-old. I don’t have much shame these days, if someone were to ask me to go into a store and buy them for them, I’d probably do it. Besides, as a father it means I have a get out free card. I can blame everything on him and no one even bats an eyelash in my direction.”

“Dads are different though. They have a higher resolve than the rest of us mortals. Plus I’m not a fan of shopping in public. Just in general. Which is why I try to order online as much as humanly possible.”

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benjixnotxbenjamin:

“Did you ever have like, a sleep study done?” Benji asked.  Then he shook his head, saying, “That’s pretty pointless though in a lot of cases.  They did one on me when I was in The Dinah Home, and all it did was tell me that I wasn’t sleeping well, which I already knew.  Why’d I need the study for?”  Benji knew that in some cases it would be different, but in his case, the study had been useless.

Beau was surprised to know that Benji was ever in the Dinah Home, but only for a moment. “No, I haven’t. Yeah, it sounds pretty pointless honestly.” They sipped at their (hot hot hot!) drink as they thought. “I don’t know why I’d spend my money just to have to be told something I already know.” Beau didn’t want to say ‘I’ll probably just be like this, I don’t think it’ll get better,’ it sounded defeatist and kind of childish.

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Starry Night | Finn&Beau

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finnxchasexme:

Finn wasn’t planning to go into detail about the things he regretted, the way he’d pushed Kara away without even realizing it (she’d been planning to leave him), not to mention the hand he played in her death.  It was upsetting even thinking about, so Finn wasn’t about to talk about it now.  “Sorry,” Finn apologized, rubbing the back of his neck.  Well you’ve made this awkward as fuck, he thought, angry with himself.  They’d been having such a nice time too.  A few moments passed in silence, and then Finn laughed, saying, “Well we’re a barrel of laughs, aren’t we?”  And then he actually did laugh, feeling a bit better.

Beau couldn’t help but laugh along with Finn, finding very quickly that he had an infectious laugh, feeling a flush spread across their cheeks. Ugh, he’s handsome... Wait. No. No flirting with the married man. Fuck.

They looked out at the night sky, biting their lip. “Looks like we could see the stars now... C’mon,” Beau stood and motioned back toward the path. “I know a great place to stargaze.” They took Finn by the hand to pull him up and threw the backpack over their shoulder with a smile.

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andrewmeadowss:

“You’re good enough to make money off it?” Andrew asked, impressed. He continued to put together the bouquet and wrapped it up once he was satisfied with the size. He shrugged slightly at the question. “If textbooks count then yes. Honestly, I’ve tried. Plenty of times. But whenever I start reading a novel, as soon as I put it aside, I kind of forget to continue. I guess it’s something I could attempt in the case of a power outage.” 

Beau didn’t want to sound arrogant and say ‘Oh, you may have heard of me...’

No. That was way dickish. “Yeah, I guess I’m pretty lucky.” They shrugged, running a hand through their hair. “But yeah, I totally understand what you mean. Have you tried graphic novels? Those, at least, keep my attention.” They suggested honestly.

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benjixnotxbenjamin:

Benji had been joking, but Beau seemed so serious.  “Wait, are you serious?” he asked them.  Of course Beau probably wasn’t being entirely literal, but Benji was suddenly wondering how much they did sleep.  “Maybe you could take something.  I used to,” Benji told them.

“I was in therapy for several years, I’ve tried loads for sleep aids.” Beau commented, seemingly casually, as they sipped at their hot cocoa. They didn’t want to make it a big deal. So they hardly slept... so what? It didn’t affect anybody else. “They just give me nightmares— er, more nightmares.” Which was reason numero uno why they chose not to sleep in the first place. Unless they counted naps. Those didn’t involve nightmares. It was more like blinking.

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Starry Night | Finn&Beau

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finnxchasexme:

While Finn appreciated the compliment, Finn didn’t agree.  “I’m not as nice as I might seem,” he disputed, smiling even though it was nothing to smile about.  “I just mask my less desirable qualities with an affable attitude.”  Finn didn’t know why he was downplaying what Beau had said; maybe he just wasn’t great at taking compliments, especially when he didn’t feel like he deserved them.  “I do things I’m not proud of too, Beau,” Finn continued, looking down at his left hand and twirling his wedding ring around his finger like he was apt to do when nervous.

Firstly, Beau noticed (for the first time) the ring on Finn’s finger and their immediate thought was Oh fuck have I been trying to flirt with a married man oh shit oh God no

Then they considered the other’s statement, thinking of how to word what they wanted to say. “Well...” They bit their lip. “Pretty much everyone does that. Everyone has something they did or do that they dislike. I seriously doubt that anyone you see is how they look or hold themselves. I’m definitely not perfect, (okay but no one would think I was perfect, but still) Finn. I’ve done things I regret that I constantly think about. The thing is, though, people make mistakes...but you aren’t your mistakes. If we were, I would be an absolute human mess with social anxiety. I know we don’t know each other that well, but from the way you speak and treat....well, me...you seem to have good intentions. Even if you make mistakes, that’s what they are. Mistakes.” Beau sighed. “I’ve done...lots of things I wish I hadn’t. Why d’you think I don’t have any friends? If you knew about...my life I doubt you’d like me at all.”

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benjixnotxbenjamin:

“Holy shit,” Benji responded in shock when he heard how much coffee Beau drank.  “That’s a lot of coffee.  I thought only like, lawyers and big-time CEOs and stuff drank that much coffee.  How do you even sleep?”

Beau paused from mixing the cocoa, staring directly into the other’s eyes, expression completely deadpan with a hint of desperation. “I don’t.”

They then smirked a bit and turned back to their drink, handing Benji a spoon with which to stir his hot cocoa. “But I don’t sleep well anyways, so might as well do something productive, like paint.”

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Starry Night | Finn&Beau

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finnxchasexme:

Laughing, Finn said, “I like the sound of that shirt.  Do you wear it a lot?”  Finn imagined that Beau probably mostly wore the shirt when they were around friends they trusted, but maybe they were bolder than that.  Finn blushed slightly at Beau’s comment, feeling a mix of feelings.  While flattered, he was aware of the flirting more than ever.  “I don’t know how I do it,” Finn answered honestly.  “I’m usually not very good at this.  I guess I’m just having a good night in the socializing department.”

“Eh.” They shrugged somewhat awkwardly, gazing away slightly embarrassed. “Not as much as I might like to. It’s basically a stay-at-home shirt.” Beau didn’t notice Finn’s flush having been staring out at the water. They looked back at the other, smiling. “You’re just a really nice guy, Finn. It’s really refreshing. Plus you’re nice to me, which is a must.” The ‘Not many people are nice to me’ was unspoken.

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andrewmeadowss:

“Like Van Gogh?” Andrew was reminded of seeing one of his sunflower still life paintings back in Philadelphia. At the time he hadn’t really been impressed, mostly just wondering why anyone would want to place an inanimate object in front of them and spend hours painting it. “So you’re an artist? I guess that’s great, that you have something to do to pass the time until the storm is over. I’m afraid that if the power goes out, I’ll be condemned to boredom.” He admitted with a chuckle.

“I love painting. Which makes me pretty lucky that it’s my job as well.” Beau then asked “Well do you read?” as they dug out their wallet from their pack.

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benjixnotxbenjamin:

Benji was looking through Beau’s different mugs as they spoke, amused by both the collection and their story about washing mugs so much.  “Wait, just how much coffee do you actually drink in a given day?” Benji asked.  He laughed at their mug, saying, “That’s the perfect type of mug for a painter.”

“Oh gee...” Beau hummed thoughtfully, moving to pour the hot milk in both their mugs and sprinkling in the cocoa powder. “Ah, probably no more than six— or maybe eight cups a day? That’s probably right.” They then nodded. “It’s embarrassing how many times I almost drank paint water, I wouldn’t doubt my mouth is permanently brown.”

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Starry Night | Finn&Beau

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finnxchasexme:

Understanding, Finn nodded.  “I get it, it’s not necessarily an easy thing to bring up,” he said.  “It would be nice if we lived in a world where you didn’t have to explain that, where people didn’t just assume you were one gender or another because of how you look.  It’s much more complex than that.”  Smiling at the other, Finn added half-seriously, “Trust me, I’m a doctor.  Once I saw a shirt with that on it, like one of those novelty t-shirts.  But in this case, it’s actually true.  So no need to be worried, Beau.”

Beau couldn’t help but chuckle at the joke, mostly from the relief coursing through them. “Well, nevertheless, thank you. It’s at least meaningful to me. And I actually have a dumb novelty nonbinary shirt that says ‘No gender for me, thanks.’ So I am actually a fan of the cheesy things in life.

“But, uh,” They cleared their throat. “yeah. I’m finding myself enjoying myself more and more in your company.” They admitted. “How do you do it?” They teased with a charming smile.