Letters to my Grandpa

Sam Kim | 21 | LA A couple of letters and posts that I wish I had written to my grandpa.* Let me know what you think about them. Instructions: 1. First click on this link 2. Realize you got rick rolled 3. Feel stupid for a second 4. Begin reading *note. Most people who know me would say that I'm a very stoic, emotionless person. But I wasn't always like that. Once upon a time, I was an angsty teen with acne-ridden skin and crippling self-confidence issues. My junior year of high school was especially hard because my grandpa passed away, and I don't think I ever sorted through those emotions. In a way, I'm writing these letters to help resolve those heavy emotions and feelings, and to let me move on with with my life.

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear Reader, 

I only ever cried twice during my Grandpa’s final days. Once when he told me he was going to get better on his deathbed, and the other when I got home and had time to process what was going on. Honestly, I haven’t had much time since then to figure out how I’ve been feeling about my grandpa.

I wanted to write this blog so that I could spend some time and remember this important figure from my early development. In that sense, it was more of a moment of reflection than a story to be shared. However, I do hope that you felt something while you were reading it. 

P.S. I know that my story with Tiffany never really culminated in anything. That’s because our relationship kinda fizzled out; I was too caught up in my emotions after losing my grandpa that I wasn’t capable of committing parts my emotional self to other people for a while. We were still friends, but things weren’t the same. 

P.S.S. I'm now really well versed in chemistry puns because of Tiffany, so DM me more a really bad one. 

Thank you for your time,

Samuel Kim

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear  할아버지,

Mom and Dad came back with the news.

I miss you,

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear  할아버지,

I thought a lot about what happened yesterday, and I wrote a lot on my main Tumblr. I still don’t know what to do.

Grace looks like she’s a little better than yesterday, but I’m still not doing so hot. Knowing that you won’t be in my life anymore is more terrifying than anything. Who am I supposed to talk to about my dumb girl problems? Who am I supposed to turn to for golfing advice? Who am I going to annoy into buying me McDonald’s on the weekends? I need you in my life right now. 

Mom and Dad are going back to the hospital tonight but they told us to stay home.

Thinking of you, 

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear  할아버지,

I’m sorry that Grace and I kept crying even though you told us not to. I think we were both really sad and scared when we saw you on the hospital bed, barely able to lift your head up. 

I immediately thought about the times when you taught me golf when I was 4. It was so much fun watching you hit the golf balls like 200 yards, when I could barely even swing the clubs. You were always so proud when I did manage to hit the ball though. I’m grateful for those little moments. 

I’m going to keep thinking of you and praying for you. 

Love you more than you know, 

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear  할아버지,

So yesterday was Grace’s 13th birthday. I found a picture of you, Grandma, and that little shit I call my sister all together. Literally three of my most favorite people in a single photo: what more can I ask for?

I know it’s selfish for me to say this, but I want you to be there for me and Mom during our birthdays in January. 

I love you,

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear  할아버지, 

I realize that I haven’t posted you in a while, and I’m sorry for that.

I was really sad when you came over to tell us that you had cancer, but that sadness should not be ruining our final months together. I love you, and I know that you’re doing your best to fight the fucking illness. 

Mom said that we’re going to visit you in Bakersfield soon and have dinner. Can’t wait to see you soon. 

Beat the crap out of it,

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear  할아버지, 

I told you to come visit us. Not for you to tell us that you have cancer. 

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

I bet you didn’t know that this solo was a part of the can-can song.

So church girl is coming to the concert on Sunday. I hope that she doesn’t think that I’m too bad.  

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear 할아버지,

Mom told me that you’re coming to LA this week to visit the hospital. I’m glad that you’re taking care of your health, but I also hope that everything is alright . If you get the time, please visit me and Grace before you leave because we really miss you.

Everything with me and Grace is alright. She just got into the golf team at her school, and I have an orchestra concert this weekend. I have a kinda difficult solo in the Can-Can song, but it should be alright because I’ve been practicing a lot. If you do visit for a little while, I can give you a mini performance because I’d love for you to hear me play the clarinet.

Love you,

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Aren’t they adorable?!

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear 할아버지,

I feel like all I talk about it her, but I can’t stop. I feel like I’ve been struck by a sickness because she’s the only thing that’s been on my mind lately.

Patrick Star (another american hero) once said that, “the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.” It’s basically a fancy way of saying that we will never know how our brains work really work.I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, but hopefully I’ll sort these “inner machinations” out and prove Patrick wrong.

In other news, I took this picture of Grace and Milky sleeping today. I’m gonna post once I get home.

Love you,

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear  할아버지,

Mom was telling me that we all went to Palm Springs for Christmas a very, very long time ago, and so I looked through some of our old photos to make sure she was telling the truth. You and Grandma look so young and happy in this photo lol.

Although I doubt that either of you guys could lift me up like this anymore, I’d love it if we can hang out at Palm Springs together sometime. I know Mom and Dad would love it, and it would feel like the whole family is back together.

Love you,

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear 할아버지,

Guess who I saw at Christmas service?! YUP. It was her. We got to talk for a little bit because we decided to play hooky and leave the service early. I’m probably going to hell for that... But I’m glad that we talked about some non-superficial parts of our lives. I think I found someone I really like. I remember you told me about how you met grandma at church in Korea. I wonder if you also played hooky. 

Also how is your Christmas so far? Grace and I really wanted to go see you, but Mom and Dad were both really tired from working yesterday and couldn’t drive. I hope we can see each other soon.

Merry Christmas,

Sam

[biologyjokes]

[onemorehotcheeto]

I think you’ll like this one

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear 할아버지,

Today at church, I met a person that reminded me of you. She draws pretty well, is an amazing violinist, and likes to tell these really cheesy chemistry jokes. Okay, so the first joke she told me is that she doesn’t like to tell chemistry joke because all the good ones “Argon.” Get it? hAr HaR. It actually isn’t that funny, but it reminded me of the stupid jokes that you used to tell me. Do you have any GOOD jokes that won’t make me facepalm?

Hope you’re doing well,

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear 할아버지,

I’m about a year late on this one, but I got my driver’s license. I’m finally free...The only dilemma left is persuading the parental units to let me drive their car...

I promise to be safe, 

Sam

[onemorehotcheeto]

Dear 할아버지,

I know it’s been about 4 months since we last saw each other, and I feel like the physical distance between us is driving us apart. It shouldn’t, though. You mean a lot to me, and I want our relationship to continue to develop despite the 3 hour drive from LA to Bakersfield. I guess that’s why I’m writing this blog: I want to fill you in with what’s going on in my life. It’s very important to me that we don’t become strangers. Maybe you can even start your own blog to let me know how your life’s going.

Missing you,

Sam