Life without instructions

[onemorepeachyday]

I asked a friend to look over my paper for feedback

Friend: It’s good. I might have taken smth out but it’s good

Me: Oh no problem. What?

Friend: TripAdvisor

Me: But my whole paper was about TripAdvisor ?!

[onemorepeachyday]

So my friend is looking for a room to rent and found this guy

[onemorepeachyday]

When it comes to food, I don't take risks

[onemorepeachyday]

Me: Why are we friends again? Friend: Cause I fed u once and u kept on coming back

[onemorepeachyday]

I’m watching a cartoon (‘Mad Jack the Pirate’ if you know it) it’s about a self-centered pirate who thinks he’s the best even though he sucks and his search for the treasure that will make him so rich he won’t have to work a day for the rest of his life. He also has a few episodes where he has to do dangerous favors for different people bc he owes them a lot of money - he is very poor). In this episode his uncle dies and gives him most of his fortune but he first has to transport his coffin and dog to a certain island. Just before he leaves (he is on his boat with the coffin downstairs) he hears a strange sound (which could mean that his uncle is alive) and tries to explain why his uncle being a ghost is impossible: “There’s no such thing as ghost. Plus my uncle was incredibly lazy. Now that he’s dead he found the perfect excuse not to do anything. I don’t think he would give that up to start haunting”. I feel a strange attraction to the type of person his uncle was - lazy and super rich

[onemorepeachyday]

Friend: I am at immigration office. In few min will pay a almost 500 euros fine.. I am trying to smile, but my heart is crying Me: I’m crying too out of sympathy Friend: You are good friend :)

(Later) Friend: They are killing me!!!!! I have been waiting for half an hour already just to pay and I was here first!! Me: I can only conclude that they don’t want your money so you might as well leave Friend: They are taking me somewhere now. Maybe they’ll put me in jail Me: If they’ll take you into a small room with a chair, a table and a gigantic mirror that turns out to be a one sided window DO NOT ADMIT TO ANYTHING!!! Anything I said!!! Understood? Friend: If they will take my phone and read my messages they will think that smth is really happening Me: Like I said: YOU DIDN’T DO IT!! Under the American law they cannot keep you there if they don’t have proof!!! Friend: Ammm I don’t want to disappoint you but I am in Bali… Me: Well idk what any other country’s laws are saying so I had to use the example of the one I knew :P

(Later) Me: Are you out of there? Friend: No, and I am so late for work. Me: Dammit! I told you: it’s illegal to keep you there without proof. Just leave

[onemorepeachyday]

Friend: I pushed my ass into the wall while showering yesterday and now I have a bruise on my ass..

[onemorepeachyday]

I planned to go to McDonald's tomorrow and now I can't fall asleep cause I'm too excited for tomorrow's meal plan..

[onemorepeachyday]

A few nights ago I dreamt I was looking for new students for my university and making home visits but the students had superpowers like my uni was the school in x-men and the future students didn’t know they had superpowers…

[onemorepeachyday]

I did a bad thing! A bad, bad thing! I was hungry and I didn’t have anything left to eat except a knorr soup package. So I made a pot and then I sat down in my bed and drank it while watching smth. Before I knew it, I had finished the whole pot!!! Now the problem is not how much I eat (it is not surprising) the problem is that now i have a belly full of liquid and I can barley bend!! And i need to go to the bathroom. All that liquid in my belly caused the liquid that was there bf to want to go out and I CANNOT BEND OUT OF THE BED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!! HEELP!!!

[onemorepeachyday]

So I tried to fall asleep by counting backwards from 99… The website said I will fall asleep bf I get to 60. I reached -20 and I was wide awake!!!!!

[onemorepeachyday]

I just read an article wrote by a guy who says that guys want to have sex with all the girls they meet during the day and "while fucking with every girl (in real life or just in our heads), we look for our perfect women. We don't know how to search for the perfect mother, wife or friend so we look for somebody that we're compatible with in bed and then check what other qualities she has. Sometimes is works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't we go back to having sex (in our heads mostly) with every girl on the street. Sounds pathetic but this is what the future of our species is resumed to. I know it sounds extremely sexiest and that a lot of you are disappointed that there is nothing noble and spectacular in your interaction with males. This is the truth. This is how we search for the perfect women. That's all our brain can come up with. Or did you think men are smart beings?"

[onemorepeachyday]

My teacher is definitely a brush-bf-breakast type of person. Do u wanna know how i know? Bc his breath is telling me all about his breakfast: salami :))

[onemorepeachyday]

Friend: I dreamt that a huge man wanted to fuck me with a toilet brush (new clean one btw)…

In moments like this I know why I am friends with her - I love that she felt the need to mention that the toilet brush was clean! Like THAT is the biggest problem :))

[onemorepeachyday]

Last night I derailed a train and caused a major accident that killed a LOT of people in my dream. My friends should remember this when the police will come knocking at their door to ask questions bc they are suspecting me of being a terrorist

[onemorepeachyday]

The real question is: How do you type the laugh emoji? Like this ’:)’ or this ’:))’?

[onemorepeachyday]

I'm not the only one having break downs during my finals: my laptop blocked while I was listening to a song so I tried to put it to sleep and now it is closed and it's playing 3 songs at once even though there was only 1 player open...