The Pain of Losing yourself for others
āI dreamt of her today, āThe little girl with dreams a little too big for her, āSparkly eyes and chubby cheeks, āAnd a ton of verbal whiplashes, āShe asked me a question, an innocent curiosity āShe asked of friends and a thounsand what becames; āI stood there, silent, lost for words, āUnable to say, unable to break her heart. āHow to tell her that it's all still the same? āHow to tell her that in a group she's still the last one left, āshe's still the one who cries silently in her pillows, while her friends plan dates, āAnd smile when they ask her how she's been? āHow do I tell her that even now her dreams are still just that, dreams āUnfulfilled, scattered, forgotten. āHow do I tell her that luck is still not on her side, she toiled and lost , and again, āAnd no one was there to hold her through it all. āThey joked around her, consoled, asked her to let go, āBut they never understood her, and then she just stopped. āYears and years, days and days, minute by minute, she drew in, āAbandoned, in her cocoon, waiting for someone to reach out āShe called them friends, they called her so too āBut when the storm came, she was the only one drenched. āMarooned in her island of self-isolation, she reached out again āBut once again her presence was that of a cloud, the background noise. āI didnt have it in my heart to tell all this to that little girl; āI bent down, stroke her cheek, and smiled, āI woke up avoiding that confrontation. āFor I am still that little girl, with a heart full of longing.
