Just

dropped a mug of tea on my bed

[duckdotcom]

they're announcing who's gonna be the next markiplier tomorrow

[duckdotcom]

could be any one of us. stay safe out there

[cryptotheism]

Said with an incredibly condescending sneer: "Whimsyless."

[onewiththesauce]

Cannot trust or respect someone who does not have apples in their top three fruits. You have no appreciation for texture or nuance or the foundational beauty of life, so absorbed are you by banal pursuit of simple taste and novelty.

[onewiththesauce]

Father forgive me my tummy feels icky

[onewiththesauce]

Todays the day to once again get annoyed at those Goombas for assassinating someone who was way too reckless to live another year on his own.  We all know Caesar would’ve got his shit kicked in by the Parthians

[onewiththesauce]

Do they do like agents for normal people. Like an actors agent but they sort out my schedule for me. If a friend wants lunch I put them in touch with my agent. No way I’m turning up to anything organised myself unless it is handed to me on a schedule paper by a little guy in a suit.

[onewiththesauce]

oh my god I hate the royals I hate the Queen I hate the royals so much

[onewiththesauce]

you’re telling me this substantiation is trans????

[onewiththesauce]

Calpol is a drink

[onewiththesauce]

do you think there were tomatoes in the primordial soup

[onewiththesauce]

if ur having a bad day u should be allowed to kill people

[onewiththesauce]

remember this Halloween that the nation’s ghastliest ghoul will always be Mitch McConnell

[onewiththesauce]

yo it’s Halloween what the frijj anyway quick reminder that the only thing spookier than a house that is haunted is a house with a gas leak. Get them carbon monoxide alarms checked folks

[onewiththesauce]

requesting to follow someone on social media is basically stalking

[onewiththesauce]

so glad Trudeau stands in solidarity with the LGDP. no. LGT. wait. LBCHI.

[onewiththesauce]

Bi visibility day hello bi people

[onewiththesauce]

Hi