Forever, Joanna

"All the blue just fades away, dissolving in a haze of grey" Joanna. Twenty three.

[onlyblueforever-blog]

X

[onlyblueforever-blog]

Feeling all excited :)

[noorshirazie]

Something does not stop being real just because others deny its existence.

Noor Shirazie (via aestheticintrovert)

[c-isnenegro]

[onlyblueforever-blog]

Hope the doctor's went well *hug*

He was, thanks. Basically he listened and did not say anything to disagree when I said about how my old doctor was a c-nt. He also said that the old doctor should not have given me the meds that he did, and has given me some different ones (plus sleeping tablets!)

Which anon are you though? Clues needed!

[onlyblueforever-blog]

By the way how did the Drs appointment go? What is their name? Does their name suit them. Some times I look at people but are surprised by their name being one that doesn't match. Anyway were they nice. Xxx

This doctor is so much nicer than the previous one! The last guy told me that other people have it worse, and he’s basically known for not caring unless a) you’re male b) you’ve been hospitalised for an attempt. But this guy listened and has given me different meds so fingers crossed that it goes better. It’s in Sutton Coldfield though, so annoying to get to =/

My ex had a doctor who was Dr Ali Bhye (so Alibi), but this was a Dr Hassan so a fairly standard name unfortunately!

How are you doing? x

[d-isperso]

[onlyblueforever-blog]

sending love and hugs to you joanna

Thank you lovely :) Back atcha xx

[rottingveins-deactivated2021050]

You probably deserve someone better but I swear no one wants to wake up to your face as much as I do.

(via triplethe6)

[onlyblueforever-blog]

I had a mate once who told me the different reasons that people believe in God. It was all RE GCSE type stuff, and none of it was why I believed.

Today I thought that if other people get to believe for those reasons then why shouldn’t I? If I’m feeling bad then why shouldn’t I focus on God to feel better?

So I had “My God Shall Supply” going round in my head at work, and whilst it’s overly simplistic the rhythm and the words were exactly what I needed and kept me going. Sometimes blinkers are comforting, and I suppose that’s why we like to keep them on.

I’ll allow myself this once.

Isaiah 58:11 - My God shall supply all my needs

[petalis-blog]

[c-isnenegro]

[onlyblueforever-blog]

New doctor

New mental health doctor tomorrow. It’s all the way over in Sutton Coldfield, and not near the train station, so it’s going to be right pain to get there and back.

Really nervous about it all, after being three(?) years on pills that don’t help and a doctor telling me that other people have it worse.

I’m worried that he won’t believe me.

I’m also worried that he’ll make me get weighed.

I really want to just skive it.

[dick-soo]

[onlyblueforever-blog]

I did well this weekend, I think. I had some awkward moments with eating but I pushed through them and I don’t think I made anybody mad, which is good.

Nobody was in when I got home so I was able to just walk around with no trousers on doing jobs that needed doing. Not everything that needed doing, but many of the things. It felt like it was my own place, which felt adult. I think sometimes that I would like to have my own place, but I know that’s a ridiculous idea.

I barely thought about The Thing That I Mustn’t Thing About.

[quiteunloveable]

[onlyblueforever-blog]

Having a mixed emotions time.

Had to suddenly come off of my meds because they were physically stopping me being able to go to work, and I’ve since had a horrible time of withdrawal. I’ve got a new doctor-person to see on the 10th so I have to just physically get along until then, but all the old old impulses are back so I have to resist them for over two weeks.

There was an argument with my family recently, and I’m trying to distance myself. I feel so guilty about it though, almost as guilty as I do about how indescribable my faith is now. Not because something amazing’s happened, but because I literally don’t know what’s going on.

There are some other things in my life that I am incredibly torn as to how to approach them, or if I even should at all.

On the other hand here were some moments this weekend where I felt incredibly safe and calm. Work-wise tomorrow is the best day of the week because it’s the busiest. I’m going to hang out with someone after work. And, despite tumblr trying to hide it from me, I found that the amazing  kissesfromenglandxx sent me a really lovely message over the weekend. 

There’s a lot to be happy about.

I’m blessed but my brain doesn’t believe it.