Meeting your soul mate is like walking into a house youâve been in before - you will recognize the furniture, the pictures on the wall, the books on the shelves, the contents of drawers: You could find your way around in the dark if you had to.
Jandy Nelson, Iâll Give You the Sun
(via fangirl-in-a-world-full-of-books)
Two days in New York passed quickly as he'd known it would, mostly in meetings with his agent and his publisher and talking over designs with a new author. Grant came away from it excited about the new project and looking forward to working with them. It happened more often than not, since he was at a point in his career where he didn't usually have to take jobs he wasn't interested in, but it was still nice when it did. Most of the next steps could be accomplished remotely though, and he preferred it that way. He'd loved the city too much once to ignore the way it didn't feel like home anymore.
Saturday evening was a publication party for an author he'd worked with in the past. It was nice to reconnect with a few old friends and meet potential new colleagues, but Grant knew his heart wasn't really in it tonight. He was out of practice with this sort of thing, and networking had never been one of his favorite parts of the job anyway. He wanted to be home in James's arms. Instead, he sent him a selfie with a comment about how the next party would be better if he had a date. He'd already considered how he might persuade James to come with him next time. The work parts would be boring, but they could always stay a little longer to sight-see.
Even without someone waiting for him at home, he would have ducked out as soon as he could without being rude. It was a long drive back to D.C., but worth it for not having to stay another night. The days were filled with James's songs, texts, and photos, and his voice on the phone saying goodnight. Grant was happy to share the details of his trip in return, and it eased the missing him that had set in the moment he left. He caved about an hour and a half from home and called him just to listen to his voice and hear about his day. It helped him stay awake on the last part of the drive, but it was still a relief to step through his front door.
Two days passed in a blur of sleep, messages, and daily life with Alpine. He enjoyed hearing about Grantâs meetings and how his work was going. It helped ease the ache from him being away at least a little. The selfie made him smile and he saved it like he did all the rest, and he sent a message back saying they would have to do something about that, then. He wanted to be able to support him in every part of his life, and being at his side for a party was hardly the worst thing he could do for him.
When Grant called him just to talk, he went soft and made his way to his apartment with Alpine in tow. While they were on the phone, he put together a light Mediterranean style salad that would still be filling with all its extra touches and tucked a pastry box into the fridge. It all could be eaten at their leisure and they didnât have to worry about cleanup, which would give them time for more cuddling and relaxing.
When he walked through the front door, Alpine stood there wiggling in delight and James stepped around her with a soft smile. âHi, sweetheart,â he murmured as he leaned in to kiss him softly, slipping his bag from him. He instantly relaxed at seeing him properly again and what had been tight in his chest for two days loosened.
He bent down to greet Alpine first, scratching behind her ears with a couple nonsense comments about what a good girl she was. She'd been taking care of James a lot longer than he had, but he was still glad not to leave him completely alone while he was gone. He straightened when James approached, shrugging out from the bag and leaning to kiss him. Hello kisses, he decided, were much better than goodbye ones.
"Hi, beautiful." He slid a hand into his hair, the other wrapping around his waist as he brushed lips over his again. He was tired in general and tired of people in particular, with a single exception. James being here when he got home filled him warmth, and having him in his arms again eased the tension that lingered since he last saw him. "Glad you're here," he murmured. "How are you?" He'd had him on the phone not half an hour ago, but checking up on him still felt instinctual.
He loved seeing the way Grant handled Alpine and how well they had already taken to one another. They were two of the three most important beings in his life, and he didn't know what he would have done if they hadn't liked one another. He sat the bag against the wall out of the way to deal with after they had properly said hello.
His breath caught at the greeting and once his hands were free, he mirrored his hold and let out a soft noise as he pushed into that kiss. There were far worse ways to be greeted, but he could think of very few better. "I told you I would be," he reminded him gently. There really was nowhere he would rather be. "I'm better now that you're home." The admission was soft and accompanied with a stroke of his hand through those soft blonde strands, brushing a kiss over his jaw.
He was almost as fond of Alpine as he was of the man she belonged to, and just like with James, it had happened quicker than he would have believed possible. Regardless of his personal feelings though, she was an important part of James's life, and he would have treated her that way. It was just nicer when everyone genuinely liked each other.
He let the second kiss linger a little, that soft noise making him want to say to hell with food and unwinding as long as he could keep kissing him. "I believed you. Still nice." He smiled, gently stroking a hand through his hair, and hummed happily as his lips brushed his jaw. "Me too." He stole another quick kiss before he stepped away, scooping the bag off the floor. "I'm going to change, and then whatever you want." He'd already lost his jacket and tie, but he wouldn't call the rest of his clothes comfortable.
He liked that Grant had trusted him to be here like he said, that he wanted him to be. "I'll always try to be here after a trip," he promised, because at least that much he could do. He was too addicted to the physical affection already to probably be healthy, but he didn't want it to stop. He couldn't help but chase the kiss for a moment before he stepped away.
"No sir," he shook his head at him with a fond smile as he watched him walk away. "Whatever you want. Dinner is cold so we can eat whenever we like," he slid his hand into the fur between Alpine's ears to give her a solid scritch. He gave her a soft pat before sending her off to lay down while Grant changed clothes.
There was little he wouldn't trust James with. It was obvious even in a short time that he was still one of the kindest people Grant had ever met. He snagged his hand and pressed a kiss to his fingers in reply. He knew he wouldn't always be able to come with him on trips, but he still hoped it would fit into his work schedule some of the time. He already hated being away from him, even for a short time.
He changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and rejoined him in the kitchen, immediately gravitating back into his space. He knew he was hopeless; the need to be near him had been bad before, and it was worse after distance. He wrapped an arm around his waist, tucking his face into the crook of his neck and brushing a soft kiss there. "You're sweet. You didn't have to make dinner." His smile was soft and fond though because of course he had anyway.
The way they simply slid in and out of one another's space made him happy and he loved every time it happened. He slid his arm along Grant's and leaned back into him, his head tipping to give him room. He slid his other arm up to wrap around his neck with a soft smile. "I thought it would be nice for you to not worry about after all your work and driving," he admitted because he couldn't keep himself from taking care of him however he could.
"Are you actually hungry, or do you want to wait?" He really had no preference, since his eating schedule was weird and subject to him remembering he needed to feed himself. It was usually triggered by feeding Alpine, if he was entirely honest.
That was all the encouragement he needed to wrap both arms around him and mold himself to James's back, a soft, contented sound escaping him as he pressed his face into his neck. "Thank you," he murmured. He didn't know how he'd stumbled into something so good, but he had every intention of taking care of James as much as he took care of him.
"I'm starving," he admitted. He didn't make a habit of eating in the middle of the night, but the day had kind of slipped away from him and picking at party food didn't really qualify as dinner. "Since it's after midnight, I think that means we can eat in bed," he decided with a smile. The added comfort sounded about perfect right now.
The feeling of him pressed so solidly against his back was a comforting warmth that he didn't want to go away. He slid his hand up to drift through the hair at the back of his head in a soothing, encouraging pet. "You're welcome, baby," he said quietly, the pleasure in his voice evident and he didn't even try to hide it.
His nails scraped lightly against his skull and he let out a soft hum of acknowledgement. "I like the sound of that," he agreed easily, a soft smile settling over his face. "I just made a Mediterranean style salad, so it won't be too heavy this late. One big bowl to share? Or two small ones?" Curling up in bed with Grant and food sounded like the best thing in the world at that moment.
Having James in his arms again was rapidly soothing away all the rough edges of work and travel. It was a level of comfort he hadn't had with another person in a long time. He did everything but purr at the hand in his hair, gently pressing into that touch. "Either way. That sounds perfect." He pressed a kiss against the corner of his jaw and unwound his arms, but only because he knew he could have him back again soon in a cozier location.
"Something to drink?" He chose water for himself and whatever James wanted to take into the bedroom. He'd probably let hydration slide a bit today too. He turned on the lamp instead of the overhead light because it was less obnoxiously bright and rearranged some of the pillows to make more room for sitting.
James was happy to be a soothing balm for him after his long two days of travel and work, to bring him some measure of comfort. He wanted him to relax and unwind and feel entirely at ease, so it was a simple conclusion. A little sound of dissatisfaction escaped him when he pulled away, even knowing it was only because they were relocating.
âJust water,â he answered, since it was late and they were going to rest. He made a single large bowl and grabbed two forks for them before making his way to the bedroom as well. Seeing him rearrange the pillows, he smiled a bit to himself before sliding into bed and sitting exactly in the middle of the bed. He spread his legs and made a grabby hand  at him, holding the bowl out of the way so he could sit between his legs. He was glad he had worn his favorite shorts and T-shirt for comfort sake, his shoes and socks long gone by the front door. âCome here, baby,â he murmured, wanting to be able to focus on getting him fed and relaxed.
He watched him get settled with soft eyes and knew if they kept on like this, he was done for. It might already be too late. Maybe it had been too late fifteen years ago when his car broke down, and it had simply taken this long for him to realize it.
Grant settled onto the bed in the spot that was clearly meant for him, leaning back against his body with a soft sound of contentment. This could easily become his new favorite place. "You're amazing. I hope you know that," he murmured, nothing but grateful for the comfort he offered so freely. He planned to return the favor every chance he got.
When Grant settled back against him, he settled the bowl in his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist with a content hum. He pressed his face into his neck, brushing soft kisses along the skin there. "I'm only doing what I think you deserve," he countered quietly, the words murmured just under his ear.
He lifted his knees to bracket him in gently. "Eat, baby," he instructed softly, nudging him even as he pressed his face into his hair. "Please." The plea was a quiet one, but full of emotion.
He wrapped his arms over his, tipping his head a little to give him room and trying not to let himself get too distracted by it. Not an easy thing, since James was extremely distracting just by being in the same room. A soft, self-deprecating chuckle slipped out at his words. "I never did anything to deserve you," he disagreed, dead serious. He reached back, running a hand through his hair. "But people don't get what they deserve, and I want you either way."
That soft plea had his breath stuttering. He tugged gently on the strands of his hair before he let go, picking up both forks and offering him one in a silent I will if you will. It helped that he was genuinely hungry, and this was a perfect light meal for eating so late. He probably would have just gone straight to bed if left to his own devices and woken with a headache for ignoring his body for so long.
James could let himself get lost in the feeling of Grant in his arms and under his lips, but he was being good and not testing to see how far that could extend. He nipped softly at the skin under his lips in protest of those words, his heart aching at the idea that's what he thought of himself. He soothed it with soft kisses but sighed against his skin. "You're right, you deserve more than me," he told him sternly.
The soft tug to his hair almost made him say that dinner could wait, but taking care of Grant was more important than anything else. He took the fork but still kept brushing soft kisses over his neck. That was more tantalizing to him than any food for the moment, but that was as much because he needed to know that he was eating and taken care of.
Grant hadn't exactly committed to spending the rest of his life alone, but it had been hard to imagine letting someone that fully into his life again. It had taken him years with Anna. She'd been far more patient than she had to be. James was the only person who'd ever slipped immediately past his defenses, not just once but twice. He never thought he'd have this, let alone more. He leaned back to brush a kiss against his jaw. "What could be better than you." It wasn't a question, said again with perfect seriousness.
He ate for a minute or two until he realized James wasn't joining him, and then he stabbed his fork gently into his leg, the soft fabric of his shorts cushioning it. "Eat, sweetheart." He'd gone to all the trouble to put together a meal, and he wasn't even enjoying it. Grant needed to know he was taken care of too, and he hadn't been around today to make sure that happened.
James had never been able to imagine anyone else at his side, no matter his tries, and it showed in his history. He had tried, had failed, had been called out for it and understood. A soft sound escaped him as he tipped his head just enough when Grant leaned back so he could have access to his jaw. "Plenty, but I'm glad you chose me," he admitted. He couldn't imagine why, but he wasn't going to argue against it.
"Oi," he chastised gently, nipping at the soft skin where neck and shoulder met before soothing it with a brush of his lips. He took his fork and took a full bite, more to placate Grant than because he was hungry. "Happy?" He murmured quietly into his ear, brushing a soft kiss behind his ear.
"Wrong," he murmured, pressing another soft kiss there when he tipped his head. He could tell that James believed it as firmly as Grant did, and it made him sad to think that maybe the best person he knew didn't believe he was enough. "I trust my judgment," he added with a soft smile. Not in everything, but he was pretty sure he was right about this.
A small smirk twitched his lips, and he squirmed a little at the retaliation. Biting was totally not playing fair, but he didn't protest because he didn't think he wanted him to play fair in this. "Yes. But not with your eating habits, specifically," he laughed softly. One bite was not a meal, but if he wasn't hungry, he wasn't going to pressure him to eat more.
James knew that he wasn't enough, and he had learned to be alright with that fact. All he could do was live his life in a way that was designed to improve instead of take away. He had taken enough away from people without continuing in his relative-civilian life. "I'm glad you do," he murmured quietly, unable to shake his doubt.
He scraped his teeth softly after his bite before brushing a kiss in the same spot. "Will it make you feel better if I tell you that I ate dinner earlier?" He took another bite regardless, wanting to put Grant's mind at ease as much as he could manage.
He ran his free hand through his hair, silently reassuring. Grant knew nobody was going to change their minds on that tonight. There was probably nothing he could say, but words weren't the thing sometimes. He'd rather show him that he was enough for him, more than he'd ever imagined, in fact, and that could only happen with time.
He shivered a little under the scrape of teeth, and he was about ready to abandon the food. "I'm glad you did," he admitted. There was no reason for James to stick to his insane schedule. As long as he was taking care of himself, that was all that mattered. He put his fork down and snuggled back into into him. Exhaustion was going to hit him again soon, and he wanted more of this before that happened.
His hands brushed soothingly over his sides, his face tucked into the warm curve of his neck. "Please eat one more bite for me, baby," he requested gently, knowing he was going to crash sooner rather than later. He had no plans of leaving his side the next day if either of then could help it, which meant he could make sure that he was properly taken care of.
Softly, his lips left a trail from one side of his neck, across the back under his hairline, and over to the other side. His hands slid over his abdomen, folding over it to hold him close and flush against him. "One more bite, then you can have whatever you want," he assured him softly.
He had to chuckle at the total ridiculousness of being persuaded to eat more. That wasn't happening, even if he asked in his sweetest voice. "I ate plenty. It was good," he countered gently, leaning slightly out of his embrace to trade the bowl for a bottle of water. He took a drink and offered it to James, setting that aside too if it wasn't wanted.
He settled back into the circle of his arms and tipped his head back, lips brushing along the line of his jaw. If he could be distracted from food with kisses, then Grant was giving it his best try. If not, he might have to resort to other measures.
He let him shift enough to swap the bowl, which was at an acceptably lowered level, for a bottle of water. "I'm glad you liked it. It holds well, so you'll have food later, too." That comforted him, knowing he would be taken care of later, too. At the offer, he took it and took a drink, thirsty even if he wasn't hungry.
A soft groan escaped him at the soft kiss along his jaw and he tipped his head to give him more room. His arms slid more firmly around him, tightening gently in an effort to keep him close. "Grant," his name was a low, rumbling warning that was too rough and needy to be just a warning, but he tried.
He wasn't used to having someone care whether he ate regular meals or got enough sleep, but it was sweet even if it was going to take some time to get used to. He was a fan of leftovers making for easier lunches later in the week, assuming either of them could be persuaded to get out of bed to put it away. It wasn't high on his agenda right at the moment.
The arms tightening around him and the way his voice had gone low and rough were enough to make his heart speed. "Yeah, baby?" The words were as innocent as he could make them while knowing exactly what he was doing. He reached back, fingers sliding into his hair, and nipped gently at the edge of his jaw, soothing it with a kiss.
He hadn't put anywhere near all of the salad he had made into the bowl that had accompanied them to the bedroom, so he wasn't too concerned about the rest of their bowl being put away. That part had also been on purpose, figuring how worn out Grant might be from the constant work and travel of two days. Getting out of bed once they were in it had never been high on his list of priorities.
"Don't 'Yeah, baby?' me," he grumbled, his voice even rougher in that moment. It was almost too much for him to handle and be expected to stay well-behaved. A shudder wracked his body, heat shooting down his spine as he slid a hand from his waist up to curl around his jaw lightly and tip his head, holding it in place while he left a trail of kisses and nips over his shoulder and up his neck.
"Want me to stop?" He flashed a quick, mischievous grin. He'd made no promises to behave tonight, and given how hard it had been to keep the last one, he doubted he'd be making it again. He wasn't sure he wanted James well-behaved right now either, not with that growl in his voice.
He answered the question when he caught his jaw and held it, temporarily stopping any further kisses. He shuddered under the feeling of lips and teeth, biting back a moan. Grant tightened the hand in his hair, nails running lightly over his scalp.
The last thing in the world he wanted was for Grant to stop kissing and nipping at him that way. He wanted more of it, so much more, and he was already so weak for him. The promise from last time to behave had no place in their time tonight, and James had never made any such promise.
He made sure everything was set on the nightstand out of reach without ever drifting away from his attentions to Grant. "Baby, you're gonna have to tell me to stop," his voice was a rumble against his skin, shuddering under the soft scrape of nails, his lips pressed to the soft skin behind his ear.
They'd moved fairly easily back and forth between softness and heat up until now, but eventually they were going to hit a point of return. Grant didn't have any reasons to hold anything back from him. The relationship was already far more intimate in a week than he'd have thought possible, and physical affection was really the least of it.
His body said why the hell would I do that and don't you dare, but concern for him pulled him back to himself. The hand in his hair became a gentle stroking. "Do you want me to?" James had said more than once he wanted to do this right. If this was too fast for him and he needed one of them to come to his senses, Grant could do that.
There had never been a point where James wanted to hold back from him, not really. Already, he felt closer to him than he'd felt to anyone in a very long time. Physical affection was the simplest way to show what he felt in the grand scheme of things between them.
He growled a little a the soft pets before taking a deep breath. "Please don't," he murmured, his hands tightening gently as he turned his face to kiss him slow and deep. The last thing he wanted was to be snapped out of this. Wanting to do things right meant working on a timeline that suited BOTH of them, and this seemed to, but he refused to be wrong on this of all things.
Something inside him relaxed at knowing they both wanted to be here. He thought it might cause him actual physical pain to stop this again. He had a beautiful man that he was rapidly falling for in his bed for a second time. Letting him go again seemed like carelessness.
He sank back into the kiss, fingers tightening in his hair. It was an extremely sexy position to be kissed in, he'd admit, with James a wall of warmth and muscle at his back, but not one he could maintain and still kiss him the way he wanted to. He nipped playfully at his bottom lip when he pulled away, but it was only to lean and switch off the light and turn in his arms. He settled into his lap, legs bracketing his hips, and pressed another hungry kiss to his lips.
The angle of the kiss was far from ideal for what he really wanted, but it kept him from simply taking. The growing want for the man in his arms had turned into an ache in his chest that he couldn't channel appropriately just yet, and he knew he wouldn't be able to stop again now. His hands circled around him when he shifted away, eyes narrowing slightly in displeasure until he shifted back.
His arms wrapped around him fully, pulling him flush against him with a quiet groan. Meeting that kiss, he poured his own hunger into it to match, letting him know just how much he had been holding back. One hand slid up to curl around the back of his neck, his thumb stroking softly along the side of his neck.
He had a measure of patience now that he knew neither of them planned to stop this time. They had all night and all of tomorrow before reality forced its way back in on them. Given the stolen hours of their last night together, it felt like forever. It was more than enough time to make sure James knew exactly how much he meant to him already.
Strong arms pulling him in against all that solid warmth were enough to scatter those thoughts, and Grant was happy to let them go. He moaned softly at the need in that kiss, letting it get hotter and deeper. One hand slid into his hair, the other pressing low against his back beneath his shirt. They'd kissed for hours, but they'd both been so careful not to push too far. There was none of that restraint now.
James was all too happy to ignore reality until they absolutely had to face it. As far as he was concerned, their little bubble they were creating was all that mattered, and all that would matter for a while. It helped that he knew there would be more nights and days for them to enjoy together beyond this one and it made things all the better.
A shaft of heat slid down his spine as the kiss deepened, all that need directed at him proving to be his undoing in the best of ways. Always, he could get lost in kissing Grant, but knowing there was no restraint left on either side was something else entirely. His hand slid under shirt so he could brace his forearm along the line of his spine, finger splaying between his shoulder blades for as much possessive contact as he could get.
Reality was going to come for them eventually anyway. There was no reason to go looking for it. He'd never be satisfied with only a night with James. He was already greedy for his time and his soft touches and the mere sight of him in his apartment. Once, he'd wanted a lifetime with him. Now, he wasn't sure that was going to be enough either.
He kissed him like he could tear down every last wall between them. Grant knew he didn't have any defenses left against him, and he didn't see the point in pretending otherwise now. He made a soft, needy sound at the hands on him, melting a little against him. He liked him possessive and sweet and everything in between. His other hand slid beneath his shirt, lightly stroking against his side.
There was no part of him to hide from Grant, especially not now. Everything he was and had was there for him to take and hold onto if he chose to. These small bouts of stolen hours were only going to satisfy either of them for so long, and they both knew it. He wasn't quite sure there was anything that would truly be enough.
Feeling him give way and melt pulled a rough sound of pure want out of him, the hand on his side only adding to it. His hand slid down from his hair to curl around the bottom edge of Grant's shirt and tug upward in a very clear demand. He wanted to see and feel him now, to touch and watch him because all there was in his world just then was him.
He would take every part of himself that James offered, good or bad, broken or not, and hold it safe and close to his heart. Maybe their worst inner voices were right and they didn't deserve something this good, but that wouldn't stop him from trying to be worthy of that trust every day.
He pulled back just far enough to answer that demand and tug the shirt off over his head. He'd had one or two of the tattoos back when they were together, but he'd slowly added to them over the years, all of them his own designs. His hands were quick to move to the hem of James's shirt, thumb stroking softly across his stomach, but it was a question rather than a demand. He'd mentioned that he hadn't slept with anyone since his injury, and if he wasn't comfortable, then they'd work around it.
His eyes raked hotly over the skin bared to him, his hands trailing over his sides and tracing over tattoos that were new to him. He loved seeing the differences, already working at committing them to memory. Feeling the soft stroke to his stomach, his breath caught and he exhaled shakily.
If there was anyone he was going to trust, it was Grant. âItâs not pretty,â he warned him before pulling it over his head. His frame was still stacked with muscle, but the shoulder and arm, as well as some of side and chest were wrapped in harsh scars, some roping and raising the skin where other spots the scars cut deep. He tipped his head back to let him see and touch because he wanted him to know all of him.
James's gaze practically had a weight to it, and his breath shuddered out as his hands traced out the newer artwork. The need to touch him and be touched was drowning out the rest of his thoughts, but he pulled his hand back at that very visible reaction. It was on the tip of his tongue to say it was okay, they didn't have to do anything he wasn't comfortable with, but James spoke first.
Grant understood, at least in the front of his mind, what he had been through, but seeing it was another matter. His heart ached to see the physical evidence, not because it wasn't pretty but because it was a roadmap of his suffering. He hated to think of him in so much pain. "Sweetheart," he whispered, leaning forward to brush a kiss over his lips, against his jaw, to the edge of a scar on his shoulder. "You could never be anything but beautiful." Scars or not, his body was nothing short of stunning. His hands trailed slowly up his arms, tracing out muscles and scars that he wanted to memorize with his fingertips.
A rough groan was punched out of him at those words, his hands sliding to grip right around his hip and in his hair. He couldnât help but push up into those lips, that soft kiss that felt something like a benediction. There were other, smaller scars like starbursts that littered his skin but they were overshadowed and he was okay with them.
His head tipped to brush his lips over the lines of a new tattoo, learning the shape of it and the relearning the feeling of his skin. âGrant, baby,â he murmured, his voice husky and heavy. His fingers tightened lightly in his hair and he shifted under him.
He could spend forever learning his body with his hands and lips, and he planned to in time. It was hard to believe he was even more gorgeous now than he had been before, but the proof was right there under his hands. He smiled a little when James pushed up into him and ran his tongue over the scar he'd been kissing. He'd be happy to give them all the same attention at some point if it was wanted, but he doubted either of them had the patience for that tonight.
He trailed kisses back to his neck, his eyelids fluttering at the brush of lips on his skin. A soft moan left him when James shifted under him, and his hips rolled in response. He nipped playfully at a spot on his neck, then kissed and sucked away the hurt. "Tell me what you want," he murmured against his skin. It was a promise more than a question, as there was little he could imagine saying no to with James. "Don't give me the nice guy answer, please."
He didn't know what kind of patience he would manage to pull together, but he wanted to at least try to find some. It was only the knowledge that it wasn't just this one night that kept him from being too hard-pressed for it. A rough groan escaped him at the sharp sting of teeth and heat pooled further at the words pressed into his skin.
"No nice guy answer," he agreed, his hands slipping down his back to wrap tightly around his hips. He flipped them in the bed, pinning Grant under him and rolling his hips against him as he leaned down to press a string of nips and kisses up his neck to his ear. "I want to keep you awake all night so I can watch you fall apart for me. I want," he scraped his teeth at the edge of his jaw just in front of his ear, "neither of us to be willing to even attempt getting out of bed tomorrow." He shifted to kiss him hard and deep before shifting back to let his eyes drift over his face.
The sudden weight of him pressing him into the bed and hips rocking into his stole his breath. He ran a hand up his bare thigh beneath his shorts and felt vaguely tormented by the fact that they both still had half their clothes on. His mind was rapidly descending into filth, and he didn't think there would be any calling it back for a while.
James's voice in his ear wasn't helping with that, and he shuddered under the heat of it and the soft scrape of teeth against his skin. It took a moment to find his voice. "Yes," he managed, sliding a hand into his hair and tugging gently. "God, yes." He kissed him breathless, and Grant let him lean back and look for a moment, lips swollen from kissing and eyes blown wide with need. Then he pushed himself up onto one elbow and kissed him, tugging at the bottom of his shorts with a little growl of impatience. "Off, baby."
Oh, but that growl sent heat slamming into him and his hands slid from his hips to curl into the fabric of his sweatpants and give them a sharp tug so he could draw them off and away. Already the sight of him threatened to be his undoing, and he wanted to see just how far he could drive him. His body lifted enough to remove the rest of the offending fabric that was separating them in quick motions.
Settling back down over him, his breath hissed out at the press of skin to skin, long lines of hard heat that he already knew he wouldn't be able to get enough of. One hand slid up the length of his thigh to curl around his hip, Â the other running a path up his side to slide into his hair. His fingers tightened slightly to tip his head back to kiss him slow and deep.
Fierce satisfaction flared through him at the immediate response. He could probably stand more teasing at certain times, but not right now with fifteen years of pent-up longing welling to the surface. All their conversations and careful intimacy had not in any way lessened the need for him that stabbed deep in his gut and was getting sharper by the moment.
He helped where he could in getting rid of the last of their clothing, hands sliding over his thighs to steady him when he settled back into place. He couldn't help a soft whine of need when he tipped his head and kissed him deeply, the combination of it with James naked and flush against him almost too much. He slid fingers into his hair, the other hand curving over his hip and pressing against his back, both in encouragement.
There was absolutely nothing that James wouldn't give Grant, especially not in a moment like this. There was too many years of want and longing underneath this new bright heat for them to keep dancing around each other for the night. He was happy to throw himself into the new fire that had built despite the desire to take things slow. Slow was relative, he supposed, when hearts were involved.
The sound of that whine made him shudder and let out a rough groan of his own. Pulling back from the kiss, his lips trailed over his jaw so he could press a line of hot nips and kisses down his throat, pausing at his collarbone for a moment. His hand slid over his thigh, curving to the inside to give a light tug and widen the space. "Sweetheart," he groaned out before continuing to trail nips and kisses down over his chest.
Slow went out the window around the time the clothes came off. Grant should have expected that when they did finally give in to the heat between them that it would be a forest fire, but he hadn't. He was a grown man, not a nineteen year old kid, and he didn't feel things this strongly anymore. It figured it was James who brought it out. He'd never had any control over how he felt about him, and age hadn't changed that at all.
He shuddered under the attention, losing himself to the sensation of lips and teeth on his neck. He could do little but tip his head to give him more space, nails scraping along the back of his neck. He moved where he wanted him, hips rolling a little in encouragement. "Baby." His fingers tangled more tightly in his hair as he kissed down his chest, not pulling or guiding so much as grounding both of them.
It had been a long time since he'd felt this much heat, this much pure want. It had been a long time since he had felt this much, period. But then, Grant had always been the exception to what was normal in his world. Always singular, and always making James want to be the best kind of man he could be.
Those clever artist's fingers curling through his hair made him shudder and he reminded himself there was time for him to feel them on his skin again later. His lips traced over his skin, his teeth leaving sharp nips at the points of his hips before soothing them with his tongue. It was a beautiful expanse of skin and muscle and art to be able to look over to trail his eyes back up to his face as he ran his hand lightly over his length. "Okay?" He murmured the question into soft skin, his eyes glued on his face.
Grant was beginning to wonder how he was going to survive this. Everything about James was better than he remembered, including the clever mouth working its way down his body in a trail of kisses and heat. James staring up the length of his body made his breath hitch. He was so goddamn beautiful it was practically a crime.
He had to fight not to writhe under that so soft touch, his eyelids fluttering with it. "God, yes. Don't stop." His voice was almost breathless with need. He appreciated the question, but consent wasn't an issue with him and never had been. He traced his fingers along the side of that beautiful face, his eyes dark with wanting.
James would be happy if this was how he  went out, watching that beautiful face and body writhe under his touch. He knew the sound of his voice like that was going to echo through his brain for a long time to come and he hoped to add to it. There was no way he could deny him anything when he looked at him that way.
âSo beautiful,â he murmured as he lowered his head to brush his lips along the trail his hand brushed over. A rough groan of need escaped him before he set his focus entirely on pulling him apart, his hands and mouth working together. His eyes fluttered shut as he tried to keep them on him, but he knew that focus was hazy compared to feel and taste of him.
He wanted to flip that comment back to him--he was obviously the beautiful one--but the brush of lips stole his breath. That sound with James wrapped around him drew an answering groan from his lips, his mind temporarily blanking out with need. There was no chance to recover with that gorgeous mouth and hands taking him apart, and he didn't try, letting himself get lost in him.
Both hands slid into his hair, nails running a light path along his hairline. "James, baby." His name was a moan of pleasure and encouragement, with various other praise when he could manage to get the words out because, god, everything he was doing was working. The reality of him was so much better than any memory.
He shivered around him at the soft scrape of nails through his hair, too easily affected by him by half. He loved hearing his name that way and wanted to hear it again and again as the night went on. The nearly mindless babble of praise and pleasure made him groan softly, almost undone by that alone.
He had told Grant what he wanted and he was certainly making sure he got it. Age and time had done them well at least in this, so much better than anything in his memory.
He wanted to make sure James got everything he'd asked for and then some, and he was only too happy to rewrite their plans for the next day. If they kept on like this, leaving the bed was looking less and less likely. "Sweetheart." His fingers brushed along the side of his neck, his voice almost ragged with the warning that he was close. He moved his hands back into his hair, fingers tightening the way Grant knew he liked.
He kept his eyes on James as long as he could, the sight of him beautiful and making him absolutely wrecked with need one he wanted in his memory forever, along with countless more like it if he could have them. His name was a soft keen of need as he drove him over the edge, his body shuddering beneath him.
The sound of his warning made him quake, heat shooting through him at just how wrecked he sounded. That he had done that, was responsible for that, made him almost smug. The tightened fingers in his hair made him moan around him, his hands curling around his hips to hold him in place because he had no plans of stopping.
His name was the sweetest, sexiest thing he had ever heard as he drove him over that final edge and gentled everything slowly. His hands stroked a soothing path over his thighs and sides as he buried his face against his stomach when he pulled away. Catching his breath, he brushed soft kisses over heated skin, working his way up his body slowly.
He ran his hands through soft hair while his body settled, too wrecked for words at the moment. James had a right to every bit of that smugness. He stroked a thumb along that perfect cheekbone, tracing out all that soft skin over hard muscle as worked his way back up.
"Amazing," he murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips. He wrapped his arms and legs around him with a little teasing roll of his hips. "Now you, beautiful," he whispered, kissing and nipping at his jawline, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging gently. Grant was open to requests if he had them. Otherwise, he had some ideas of his own on how to take care of him.
He couldn't help but lean into that soft touch, content to be pet and adored that way. A soft kiss went a long way to helping settle him some. He growled softly at the teasing, his hands tightening at his hips as he reciprocated it with one of his own.
His head tipped to give him room and he keened softly, the tug and the words making his vision blur for a moment. "I'm all yours, sweetheart," he assured him, completely willing to be at his mercy if that was what he wanted. The fact that this was even his life now was something he still couldn't process.
His smile was full of mischief at that little growl. He loved him like this, and he loved the way he melted under that gentle tug. So many possibilities. "Yes, you are," he murmured against his throat, kissing the beat of his pulse and tugging a little harder at soft locks. He didn't think he had a possessive streak, but James was his exception for so many things.
He rolled them until they'd switched positions, settling his knees on either side of his hips. He ran a hand lightly along his length, pressing little nips and kisses to his neck just to see how the combination worked before his lips trailed down his chest and stomach. He settled between his legs, tilting his head so he could stare up the length of his body, eyes locked on those dark, beautiful blues as he wrapped his mouth around him.
That possessiveness made him groan, his body rolling against him in reaction and the need for him to act on it. The idea that he was that way over him made him shiver lightly because it was far from the worst thing in his mind. Being Grant's was all he wanted in that moment and so many others.
His breath caught as they rolled and he was looking up at him. It was knocked out of him promptly, a needy sound escaping him as he pushed into that soft touch. His hands shot up to slide into his hair, tangling in the soft blonde strands with a soft scrape of nails. His name was a plea on his lips as he stared up at him, his muscles quivering under his hands and his eyes blown dark. That first touch of his mouth made his hands tighten to anchor himself and his name was punched out of him.
There was something satisfying in knowing he could always act on it now. He wanted to make James his in every way he could, not just tonight but every night, from making him breakfast in the morning to making him moan his name in bed. He shivered lightly under the hands in his hair and the soft scrape of nails, but he wouldn't let himself get distracted.
He curled a hand around his thigh, gently pushing to widen the space as he went to work with mouth and hands, giving him back everything that James had given him. He moaned around him at the sound of his name, unable to help himself, his hand drifting to his hip to anchor both of them.
Easily, he gave Grant the silently requested space, as there was nothing except the feeling of him in that moment. He didn't think he had any words left that weren't his name or please, as that was all he could hear. His voice was a rough, gravelly plea as he felt all that heat building and burning even hotter than it already had been.
He keened when he moaned around him, forcing his hips to stay still and only relatively succeeding. "Baby," he groaned out roughly, the only warning he was really capable of because he knew he couldn't hold himself together.
God, he was so much fun. If his mouth wasn't busy doing other things, he would have smiled. The gravel in his voice, the sound of his name a plea on his lips, the way his body quaked beneath him all sent little shivers running through him.
He stroked fingers over his hip and tightened his hold, pinning him place. His eyes flicked up to him to acknowledge the warning, but he had no intention of going anywhere. He already had the best view for watching his baby fall apart under him.
He shuddered hard when he was pinned in place, his eyes unfocused and hazed over with need. His hand clenched in his hair before his nails slid a trail down his scalp and the back of his neck lightly. James was sure that moment was what heaven felt like because he couldn't imagine anything better.
His body quaked as he fell apart for him, falling over that razor sharp edge with ease and a cry of just his name. Little aftershocks kept racking his frame as he brushed his fingers through his hair, his face full of unadulterated adoration and satisfaction as he looked down at him. "Come here, baby," he murmured softly.
He moaned softly under the nails on his skin, the sound of his name like that sending heat shooting down his spine. There was something deeply satisfying about watching James come apart under his hands and mouth, his gorgeous body shuddering beneath him.
He tucked his head against his hip, hand running soothing motions over his thigh while aftershocks ran through him. "God, you're beautiful," he murmured, brushing a kiss over his hip bone. His movements were languid as he worked his way back up, brushing his lips over the edge of his ribs and against his collarbone.
He couldn't stop himself from brushing his fingers along the line of his jaw, his cheekbone. Greedy, his eyes drank in his face, the satisfaction and pleasure there that he wanted to keep in place as long as he could. His breath hissed out quietly at the kisses and he rolled his hips lightly into him.
When was at his collarbone, he slid his hand so he could brush his thumb along his bottom lip softly. "You're the most stunning thing I've ever seen," he admitted quietly, needing him to know just what he did to him even now.
He tipped his head up, smiling as he took in the expression on his face. He hummed lightly as he pressed another kiss to his collarbone. "You clearly can't see yourself right now," he murmured against his skin. James's face was everything. He looked at him in exactly the way he'd hoped for, the way he'd needed, for most of his life.
He reached his lips and brushed a kiss to them, wrapping his body around James's and pulling him in close. Fingers stroked through the soft hair at the back of his neck as he stole another kiss, lingering this time. He still wanted nothing more than to take care of him and keep him safe and close.
âWhy would I do that when everything I want to see is right here?â The backs of his fingers slid over his cheek because there was nothing more precious for him to look at in his opinion. He had gone so long only seeing that face in memories and dreams, only pulling out photos to make sure he didnât lose it.
He sighed softly in contentment and wrapped Grant in his arms. He leaned into that kiss, his hand sliding up his back so it could spread between his shoulders again, holding him close. This was the best thing he had never thought he would have and he wanted to protect him from everything cruel the world wanted to do.
It was hard to believe it was James looking at him like that after all this time, like he really was the best thing he'd ever seen, when for so long he'd lived only in memories that Grant had tried so hard not to touch. The swell of emotion tightened his throat, but he left it there for James to see on his face how much this meant to him too, no hiding from him ever.
"I'm here," he whispered, brushing soft, sweet kisses over his lips and cheeks and forehead. His fingers continued their soft path through his hair, all the little touches he wasn't sure he could live without now. The need to wrap him in his arms and hold him close hadn't faded. If anything, it was stronger than ever.
Seeing his own feelings on Grant's face made his heart stutter and his breath catch. Those soft words drew a quiet, needy sound out of him. He wrapped him up tightly, his legs tangling with his as his eyes fluttered shut at all of the soft kisses.
"I've got you," he murmured softly tipping his face to catch his lips in a soft, lingering kiss. He didn't know how he was ever supposed to go a night without this, wake up without his beautiful face on the pillow next to him.
His breath shook on the way out. He'd been alone for long enough that it was hard to believe that, but if he trusted it to be true from anyone, it was James. They could take care of each other. Every way they already had reassured him of that.
"I missed you so much." It was a soft whisper against his lips. It was an empty place in half his life where James should have been. He didn't think he could go back to being alone after this. He wanted to stay like this, wrapped up tightly in him and trading sweet, lingering kisses.
âOh baby.â His voice was a pained murmur as his hand lifted to brush through his hair before curling around his jaw and behind his ear. âI missed you too. More than you know,â he assured him softly.
He kissed him again and again, gentle but firm presses of lips as they laid tangled together. Heâd felt hollowed out for so long, like nothing could fill the empty place that had been left when they had separated.
He didn't know how he'd been lucky enough to get back the person he'd always been most himself with. Grant knew it didn't fix everything for either of them, and that was okay. There were wounds that nothing could heal. But having James there set something right that had been off balance since they lost each other.
He returned all those gentle kisses, each one a promise that he wouldn't let him go again. His hands moved through the soft hair at the back of his neck or traced a warm path down his spine, each touch reassuring both of them that they were here and this was real and he wasn't going anywhere.
James knew that finding one another again, being able to be in each other's lives again, wasn't going to heal everything. Some wounds ran too deep and couldn't be fixed, no matter how good things were. But the old aches could lessen, with time and with work, and he knew he was willing to do whatever it took for them to work this time.
His hand stroked softly over his shoulders and spine, the other curling comfortably into his hair as his thumb stroked lightly behind his ear. He believed every silent promise, had to believe them, or his heart wouldn't make it through this a second time. He couldn't even say he had properly survived the first.
Love being a magical fix for every problem was just a fairytale. It didn't prevent hard times, and there wasn't even a guarantee that it would last forever. But having somebody at his side through those hard times, someone as unwavering as James, felt like more than enough. Grant trusted that if he leaned on him, he wouldn't find himself falling through empty air, and he could do the same for him.
He tucked his face into the crook of his neck, lips brushing lightly back and forth, and let himself be comforted by all those small touches and silent promises. It was so easy to relax with him, and despite James's promise to keep him awake all night, he could feel sleep trying to creep up on him.
He knew that he had wanted to keep him awake, but that had dwindled into the need to take care of him. Taking care of him was more likely to keep them going than fueling the heat that had never seemed to go away. His nails stroked lightly along his scalp, his lips pressed to the side of his head.
"Sleep, baby," he murmured quietly, reaching to pull the blankets over them before wrapping his arm back around him. "We can carry on in the morning," he smiled softly before tipping his head to kiss him.
He hummed sleepily, snuggling into him. "We did decide not to leave the bed tomorrow," he agreed. It probably wouldn't be difficult to wake him up again if that was what he wanted, but this quiet comfort with each other meant just as much to him and maybe more. In terms of things he needed to get him through the day, it was this, always.
He fell asleep wrapped around his favorite person, the sound of James's quiet breathing better than a lullaby. There were no alarms to wake them, nothing pressing they had to get to the next day, and judging by the light slanting in through the window, it was later than Grant usually slept. After the past several days, or perhaps the whole week, and with James's body warm and solid against his, he felt no real need to get up no matter what time it was.
Falling asleep wrapped up in Grant, he thought it was finally what peace felt like. For the first time, he thought he might actually be able to just be a man with the person he cared for and adored and not a soldier without a fight. He slid easily into sleep, and not once woke up until he felt Grant shifting.
He opened one eye to look at the light coming through the window and smiled softly as he pressed a kiss into soft blonde hair. He had no intention of moving until Grant made a move to. It was too comfortable and content to ruin with something as adult as getting up.
If what James wanted was a quiet, peaceful life, then Grant would do a lot to see that happen. He'd be only too willing to create a space for them that was soft and happy, where he belonged perfectly and without trying. There were always going to be struggles, but he didn't have to go it alone anymore.
He smiled at the soft kiss, wrapping his arms a little tighter around him and brushing lips against his neck. "Morning, baby. Sorry if I woke you," he murmured, running a hand along the warmth of his back. If James thought he could sleep more, he didn't want to interfere. He was in no hurry to move either way.
He hummed in soft delight at the easy affection, still just floaty enough from sleep to practically be a puddle for him. "Mmm no," he murmured, his voice husky from sleep as he tucked himself even closer. Everything was sleep warm and comfortable, and all of it he hadn't even realized he'd missed until Grant had come back into his life.
"I love this," he mumbled into his hair, a barely functional person when he didn't have to force himself upright and functional. Years of active duty had forced him to get good at being awake and quickly, so he tried to make the best of it. But he preferred mornings like this, where he woke up on his own terms and the brain didn't have to work.
Except for the gray days, Grant was usually quick to wake up and get moving. Evenings were the slow time for relaxing and winding down or spending time with friends. Mornings were for getting things done. But he'd known with the traveling that today would be a slow day for him. Even if his brain woke up quickly out of habit, his body was in no mood to move.
If that wasn't enough to keep him there, a sleepy, snuggly James certainly was. That was an obvious lie, his voice too rough from sleep for someone who had already been awake, but Grant took that to mean he wasn't bothered by it. He moved easily to close any remaining gaps between them with a soft, happy hum. "Me too." He brushed soft kisses against his skin.
James would never be bothered by Grant being the reason he woke up, especially when he was so comfortable. A little noise of delight escaped him when they were pressed flush together again and he tipped his head slightly. He brushed soft kisses down his neck as his hand trailed over his back.
He wanted to push into those soft kisses, his lips brushing over skin simply because he could. His hand drifted through his hair lightly, nails scraping softly as his other arm tightened lightly around him.
He loved the way his whole body tightened around him and the easy way they fit together. As far as he was concerned, this was the perfect way to start the day-- or spend the rest of it, if they were so inclined. He planned to adjust his schedule for a lot more like it in the future.
He smiled at the obvious happiness in the sound and decided that was encouragement to keep brushing kisses over soft skin. He kissed a lazy path over his neck and along his jaw, teeth grazing lightly over the edge in response to the soft press of nails. He tasted sweeter than anyone had a right to, and he couldn't resist the urge to nibble.
James was quite happy to spend their day like this if that was what Grant wanted. He had nowhere to be except precisely where he was. Alpine would need walks, at some point, but she'd pounce them when she was tired of waiting.
He quite happily tipped his head to give him room for all of those enticing kisses. His breath caught at the scrape of teeth and he shuddered because he knew that was a weak spot. Grant could nibble all he wanted to and James would never discourage it, quite the opposite.
He didn't care what they did today. They had tentatively planned to visit The Air and Space Museum and also to stay in bed, and Grant wasn't that concerned about sticking to either one. He just wanted to spend the day with him, whatever they were doing.
He didn't think he'd ever get over the way James reacted to him-- the fact that he had that much of an effect on him. He soothed the spot with a kiss and went back to soft touches and snuggles. He wasn't trying to wind him while they were still in sleepy cuddle mode, although the temptation was always there.
James remembered their plans, he did, but he was weighing the nerdness and sharing it with Grant and Alpine, versus staying in bed and cuddling and otherwise with Grant. It was a very hard decision to face down when just waking up. Cuddled up to him, it seemed like an incredibly easy choice because he would happily stay wrapped up in him forever if he could.
He didn't mind being wound up, as sleepy cuddle mode could be reachieved after a nap, or at least a quick doze. It didn't stop the pleased hum from escaping him as he ran his hand over his back. "Baby, what do you really want to do today?" He murmured the question in his hair. "You just had a very long few days, the museum isn't going anywhere."
Grant had made those plans with him before he'd realized what this would really be like for them, when he thought they were still trying to date (somewhat) normally for a while and every bit of time with James was going to feel like it was stolen and not nearly enough. It wasn't that he didn't want to do that now; he really did. But the dating part of being together mattered less now that they'd established how much they both wanted the other to be a part of their everyday lives. They had time for everything now.
He considered the question seriously, checking in on his physical and mental energy levels. His rebound was quick enough that the museum was totally possible, and he was sure they'd have fun there. But he was tired enough--and tired enough of people--to not particularly prefer it right now. Snuggling with James, going for walks, and generally doing nothing productive sounded heavenly. "I wouldn't mind taking it easy today," he admitted, brushing fingers lightly along his shoulder blade. "But I could do the museum too. I have the day with you. I don't care what we do."
James still wasn't sure time wasn't going to feel stolen sometimes, and he knew it wouldn't be enough. He wanted to take Grant out on dates, but he also just wanted him in his daily life. Eventually, they would find a place that appeased all of that in their relationship, and he knew that, it would just take time.
He was glad when the answer wasn't immediate, when he gave it serious consideration. That mattered to him more than he could say because he wanted to take care of him and that meant he was going to need help from time to time to make sure he got it right. He nodded in understanding at the answer, completely content with it. "We're going to have an easy day," he told him firmly, tipping his head to kiss him softly. "We'll lay in bed, walk Alpine, do absolutely nothing we don't feel thrilled about. We might even order dinner instead of cook," he teased softly.
Grant was trying to always be honest with him, and that meant a certain level of self-inventory. He tended to keep his own needs to himself rather than trust them to other people, but James had shown him already in so many ways that he could be trusted with everything. If he told him he needed something, he'd help him accommodate it-- probably more than Grant would for himself. It just made the urge to take care of him in return that much stronger.
He smiled, tipping his head into the soft kiss. "Full treatment, huh?" He ran his fingers through the soft strands of his hair and knew his expression was soft. He was so effortlessly sweet it took his breath away. "You sure you don't mind?" He brushed another light kiss to his lips. He liked this new plan, but only if James was happy with it too.
James hoped to always prove himself worthy of all the trust that Grant put in him when he gave him that level of honesty. He wanted to be able to care for him, to make sure he was okay, always. Never once did he expect anything back, but he knew he'd be taken care of in return.
"Full treatment," he agreed with an easy smile. His head tipped lightly into that pet and felt a deep satisfaction at the touch. He loved the look on his face and hoped he always wanted to look at him that way. "Not at all, baby," he reassured him, humming at that soft kiss. "I'm more than happy to spend the day doing absolutely nothing with you."
He searched his face for reservations, but he hoped that was something James would tell him if it was important to him to go. He looked as content to change their plans as Grant felt, so he smiled, tipping his head to brush a kiss against the hollow of his throat.
"You're sweet." Sweeter than he deserved, but he wasn't going to have that discussion again right now. He continued the soft strokes of fingers through his hair, lips drifting down the line of his neck. This wasn't nothing; it was everything.
There was nothing for him to hide and certainly no reservations about changing their plans. His face was open and soft, adoration clear there along with contentment. His head tipped back a bit to allow him easier access for kisses.
âYou think so? Because Iâm pretty sure Iâm being selfish and winning,â he admitted. It wasnât always going to be so soft and easy, he knew that. His fingers slid to curl into his hair and grip gently in encouragement.
He didn't think he'd done anything to deserve that look on his face, but damn if he didn't want to earn every bit of that adoration. He wanted James to always have a reason to look at him like that. He knew they wouldn't always be this content, but it was worth working toward together.
"I know so." He pressed another slow kiss there, encouraged by the space and the hands in his hair. "That's an interesting definition of selfish. Are you sure you're using it right?" His hand slid deeper into his hair, tipping his head a little further for kisses.
A rough, grumbling hum escaped him and he couldnât help but shift under him. âOh I am,â he told him slowly as he tried to make sure his voice would still function. He was undone so easily by him at times but he didnât want it to change.
âI wanted to keep you in bed. Keep your hands and lips on me where I can watch. Selfish and winning,â he rumbled quietly, shifting his head with that clever hand. He wouldnât admit to the struggle of believing Grant still wanted him or wanted him again. Not right now. Not when he was allowed to get lost in him.
He smiled slowly at how hard he was working to keep himself together when Grant wanted a front row seat to watching him come undone. They could take their time now that they had all day with nowhere to be. Wanting him was so easy, and if it was anything like when they were younger, it never really went away.
He hummed in understanding if not agreement. James might benefit from this new plan, but Grant highly doubted it had been at the front of his mind when he asked. "In that case, I hope you're selfish more often." His voice dipped lower with wanting, his hand moving feather-light down his side. He bit softly where his neck met his shoulder and traced the spot with his tongue.
James knew he was playing a losing game, knew that heâd give in and show Grant exactly what he did to him before long. They had the whole day for whatever they wanted, and who was he to say no if he was Grantâs choice. His want for him never faded, even when they were apart. He just had to learn to redirect it.
âI can probably manage,â his voice was gravelly as his hands tightened gently. His breath hissed out of him, his body quaking at just the soft bite. âGrant,â he groaned out as he shifted under him, tipping his head to fully bare the same spot to him.
Grant was patient and only too happy to earn those reactions. He didn't have a lot of defenses against him either, so at least they were in the same boat with that and sinking rapidly together. It was an easy choice, given there was nowhere he'd rather put all of his attention right now.
Hearing his name like that with James's body shuddering under him sent heat sliding down his spine. "So damn beautiful," he breathed out. He settled more firmly over him, sucking over the spot and then setting his teeth in a little harder.
This was one thing that James would happily drown in if given the chance. Grant and everything he made him feel was worth far more than that. Being the subject of his not inconsiderable focus was breathtaking and he sank into it.
His breath hitched at the words and his hand tightened in his hair, the other arm wrapping around him and holding him tight against him. His name hissed out something between a curse and prayer but he pushed up into him, his hips rolling slightly. When he heard him like that, he could believe it from Grant, that it was how he saw him.
Grant's focus could be formidable when he got stuck on something. That was usually a project, but there no question he was stuck on James and had been pretty much since the first time they met. The idea of putting all that attention on his baby was too good to pass up. He wanted to learn every line of his body, every touch that made him go weak-kneed or gasp with pleasure.
He smiled as he tipped his head back to see the white imprint of his teeth, already starting to fade. His hand smoothed over that rolling hip and down his thigh, encouraging it to wrap around him as he pressed his lips to his neck again. He took his time with lips and tongue and teeth, watchful for the spots that got the most reaction and lingering on those.
He shuddered at the weight of that gaze admiring his handiwork and he knew he wanted more of it. His leg followed that gentle touch, lifting to wrap around him and bringing the other to match. It was already an instinct to bare his neck to him, to encourage the press of lips and teeth with a needy sound.
There was no way he could hold back his reactions to that attention, his breath hitching, his name a soft groan, his hips rolling up into him with a ragged moan at the most sensitive spots. Both of his hands curled into his hair, tightening and holding him close in encouragement. "Baby, please," he keened softly, shifting under him.
He couldn't stop the shiver that ran through him when he wrapped his legs around him, but he wouldn't let himself be distracted so easily. It felt amazing to give in to that desire to kiss and nip and tease, to get to know his body again and feel every soft shudder and moan.
Even Grant's focus wasn't endless though, and he couldn't pretend he wasn't just as affected. "Anything you want, gorgeous," he promised. He grazed his teeth over the edge of his collarbone, feeling satisfied with the marks he'd left on him already, and slid his hands to the perfect curves of his ass to encourage that rolling.
This was everything he wanted, James exploring his body and getting to know what made him tick all over again. He couldn't help but show him every way he was affected by him. That promise made him groan, the sound ragged and needy.
His breath hitched at the feeling of those hands and he went with the encouragement. "Anything?" He arched an eyebrow, slowly rolling up into him, enticing. Tipping his head, he scraped his teeth over his shoulder before kissing and nipping a trail up his neck to his ear. "I want to feel you, baby," he murmured into his ear.
He loved that sound out of him, and loved that he could make him react that way with just a promise. It was only teasing if he didn't plan to follow through, and Grant had every intention of making good on that one. "Anything," he murmured, his voice going rough with wanting.
He couldn't help a soft moan at the slow, deliberate roll of his hips. He tipped his head to give him space, shuddering a little at that voice in his ear. His voice was a soft growl as he gently tightened his grip, fingers brushing between cheeks. "I want you to feel me too. I want to watch you fall apart under me."
He loved hearing the reactions he could pull out of him, wanted to hear more of it. Feeling him shudder from how much he showed he needed him made him groan softly. His breath caught at the brush of fingers and he shifted to chase that touch.
"Please," he groaned out the plea, his legs shifting higher to give him more access. "I need you, Grant," he murmured as he tightened his fingers to pull him into a hot, heavy, deep kiss.
A rough groan was punched out of him at the encouragement, and he kissed him back hard and a little filthy. "God, baby, you kill me," he rasped out, nipping hard at the corner of his jaw.
He gentled it with a kiss as he brushed against his entrance, but the protective part of him had him pulling back and rummaging in the nightstand before they went any further. They hadn't bothered with protection so far, but he'd prepared less out of expectation than an understanding that his willpower was going to crumble probably sooner rather than later when it came to James.
The filthy edge to that kiss slammed heat into him and left him absolutely breathless. He shuddered at his voice, the sound of it drowning out everything else. A soft whimper of need slipped out at the sharp bite and he couldn't even bring himself to care.
He started to protest when he felt him pulling away, but when his brain partially registered what was happening, he melted all over again. His hands traced paths over all the perfect, painted and clear skin he could reach. Occasionally, his nails left a trail in protest of having to wait, as much as he understood. His head tipped so he could brush lips and tongue over skin, pausing to nip and scrape his teeth in all the sweetest sensitive spots he could reach.
He loved James falling apart for him already, the open need on his face making him want to give him everything he asked for, and he had every intention of doing that. His breath hissed in pleasure at the nails in his skin, and he shivered under the lips and teeth, both urging him on and distracting him in the best way.
He settled between his legs, leaving nips and kisses along the way. He pressed a kiss against the inside of his thigh and bit gently at the sensitive skin there. "You're fucking gorgeous like this, Jamie." His voice was gravel, his eyes dark with wanting as he pushed gently at his thigh to widen the space, his other hand running a light path down the length of him.
The sight of him between his legs made him groan, entirely weak for the man heâd loved longer than he could understand. He was sure he looked as wrecked as he felt and Grant had barely started, the thought sending a thrill through him. Being looked at that way, those beautiful eyes so dark and heavy with desire, made him keen softly.
His thighs spread at the push even as he pushed up into that teasingly light touch. âGrant,â his breath hitched and his eyes blurred, âBaby please.â He would never admit to the whine the last word turned into, his nails scraping over his shoulders lightly. His eyes were blown dark and heavy as he looked down at him.
Much as he loved to see him like this, he thought James had had about all the teasing a man could take, and the next part would be just as fun. He followed the path of his hand with his lips, his eyes on James because he wanted to watch every part of this. Slick fingers slid under him and pressed firmly.
"Relax, baby," he murmured. Grant wanted to take his time with this, wanted to watch him fall apart slowly so he could put him back together. He also knew it had been a while for both of them, and he never wanted to do anything to hurt him. He put that incredible focus on gently working him open with a combination mouth and fingers and tongue, and on driving his baby slowly out of his mind.
James would take whatever he decided to give him, and force himself to survive it, though he wasn't sure how coherent he would manage to be after it was all said and done. Though, realistically, he had no reason to be, knowing he was safe in Grant's hands. That was every reason alone to simply let goo.
The soft murmur instinctively made his whole body relax as his hands slid into Grant's hair softly, more as an anchor than anything. He couldn't help the soft sounds of want and need that being worked open drew out of him, but he wanted him to know exactly what he was doing to him. There were no words left for him that weren't his name or some soft plea as he pulled his knees back to give him more room. He couldn't remember ever being this mindless from needing someone.
He couldn't help a soft moan when the tension ran out of him. The trust he had in him, the willingness to put himself so easily in Grant's hands, was enough to make him melt a little. If James was coherent, then he wasn't doing something right. The near-wordless encouragement let him know just how well it was working for him.
He was happy to let the world narrow down to James's body and ignore his own for the time being. Everything he wanted was already under his hands. Once he thought they were at that point, he raised his head, the sight of him spread out before sending a shiver running through him. "God, baby." He needed a moment to pull himself back together. If his self-control was wearing down, he didn't know how James was holding himself together.
There was no way he was capable of doing anything except put himself into Grant's hands. It was the only place he wanted to be, and he trusted him to take care of him, to please them both the way they wanted and needed. He'd thought he was gone for Grant when they were younger. It had nothing on them now, when one touch of his hands could take him out of his head.
He was boneless when he raised his head to look at him but he shuddered at the heat in that look. There really was no holding himself together at this point. More he was putting all of his trust into him with no hesitation. His hands slid to wrap around his hips with a small sound of need as he blinked to clear his vision a bit.
Grant had felt the same. He'd assumed that his feelings had been so strong then because they were young and it was the first time either of them had been in love, but he was realizing how wrong that was. James had been wonderful then, but somehow he was even more wonderful now, and falling for him again had the potential to be so much stronger.
He left a soft trail of kisses as he worked his way back up his body. "Okay, sweetheart?" he murmured, lips skimming against his jaw followed by the light graze of teeth. He settled over him, the tip of him brushing over where his fingers still worked, and even that much made his breath stutter. Still, this was nothing he wanted to rush with him.
He squirmed slightly under that trail of kisses, his hands sliding up his back so he could hold him close. "I'm great, baby," he assured him, his voice a rough rumble. His head tipped to give him room even as his breath hitched slightly.
Feeling him brush over the same space he'd been working him open and still was made him groan roughly, his hips rolling hard. "Please, baby, please," he tipped his head to catch his lips in a hard kiss, pouring all of his need into it so he would know he couldn't wait anymore.
He swore under his breath and had to fight his body not to return that rough roll of his hips. He pressed hard into the kiss instead, a shudder running through him. "Slow, baby," he murmured against his lips, kissing them again before he moved his hand and settled where he wanted to be.
He ran a slicked hand over himself and pressed against his entrance, working himself in slowly, a bit at a time. He thought that pace might actually kill them both at this point, but everything about the man under him was worth waiting for. His free hand slid over his thigh, encouraging it to wrap around him.
He wasn't feeling particularly patient, but he could do a lot for Grant. He pushed up into that kiss and relaxed for him. There was nothing he wanted more in that moment and he sank into the kiss as everything about him softened.
His breath hitched as he slid his legs around him, his knees high on his waist. A quiet, gravelly groan escaped him, his head tipping back as he felt him sliding deeper. "Baby," he groaned out, his hips shifting as though he could take him deeper faster. His entire body was quaking with need at the slow pace.
The only thing that had him clinging to the ragged edges of his self-control was James's safety. He gasped softly at the shift of his hips urging him on, his grip tightening, but he wouldn't rush this. "Almost, gorgeous," he murmured, stroking a thumb over his hip.
"Fuck, baby." He swore softly when he was as deep as he could go, his hips stilling against his. The sight of him like that was one he wanted to keep with him forever. "You're so damn beautiful," he growled out. He moved against him, still slow and steady because slow was about to go out the window.
A soft whine escaped him when those hands tightened on his hips, his control barely in place. He could barely keep his focus, his heart in his throat and his core on fire with need. James wasn't entirely sure he could be as patient as he needed to be.
His breath caught when he was fully seated, his body shuddering under him. Gently, his hands brushed over all of that soft skin, holding him to him. "Damn, baby," he groaned roughly as he focused on his face. His breath came hard as he looked at him, his heart caught in his throat as he met his hips with every stroke. "Grant," he moaned out, rough and needy as his hands slid down his back.
He kept his strokes slow and steady while he adjusted, his eyes on James's face for every beautiful reaction. He smiled at the way it took him a long moment to be able to focus back. That was how he wanted him, half out of his mind with pleasure.
His strokes came a little harder now, his own body practically vibrating from holding onto that pace. He slid a hand under his back, encouraging the motion and tipping his hips a little for a better angle. "God, Jamie," he hissed out, a whisper and a prayer. "You're so good for me."
James lost the capacity for actual words when everything shifted. One of his hands slid into Grant's hair while the other clung to his back. He could feel the tension in his body and it took his breath away. Those words sent liquid heat down his spine and he groaned, tipping his head to scrape his teeth lightly over his shoulder.
His knees slid higher up Grant's body and he shuddered hard at the change in angle. "More," he pleaded roughly before biting down lightly where his neck and shoulder met, waiting to gauge his reaction. He barely had a coherent thought left and he was more than okay with it, wanting to drag him into that same state.
He swore softly when teeth sunk into his shoulder, his hips snapping a little harder in response. Heat shot through his core, stealing his breath. He trusted James to know his own body, and he let a little more of that control slip, his strokes going harder and faster.
He pressed lips against the side of his neck, followed by the light graze of teeth. James under him, wrapped around him, hands clinging to him were better than anything he remembered or imagined. It would be so easy to lose himself in him. He let himself sink into the feeling, the breathless need for him he didn't think would ever really go away.
His breath was punched out of him in the best way at the change in his strokes. His body tightened around him as he shuddered, a jagged moan escaping him against Grant's skin. He was absolutely gone for him, lost in his need and want for the man above him.
The graze of teeth made his entire body clench and he groaned before sinking his teeth a little harder into the same spot. He pulled back just enough to soothe the spot with his tongue and lips. He was after all of that control being gone, needing it in a way he couldn't describe.
A ragged moan left him at the feeling of James tightening around him, his fingers digging into his hip. He growled softly at the sting of teeth but not in pain and tipped his head a little in encouragement. His body shuddered as he gave into that silent demand.
With James wrapped around him, he let himself get lost in the feeling of his body, burying himself in deep, steady strokes designed to make them both fall apart. "Baby, let me kiss you." His voice was rough, betraying just how gone he was as he grazed his teeth along his jaw, chasing his lips.
That growl sent a shiver of need down his spine and he moaned roughly when he felt the change. His hand tightened in his hair, his nails scraping over his shoulder as he tipped his head. Grant felt like heaven and he was wholly lost to him, unwilling to do anything to change that.
It was impossible to deny him anything, especially in that moment with that voice in his ear. Hearing him sound just as wrecked as he felt only added to the deep well of need that he didn't think would ever be really sated. He caught his lips, brushing them softly before pressing into a deep, hungry kiss.
His perfect rhythm stuttered at the bite of nails against his skin, and he sank into that hot, hungry kiss like James was air he needed to breathe. He nipped sharply at his bottom lip as he drew back, with a glance down their bodies that sent a shiver running through him.
"Want to see you," he whispered, brushing another soft kiss over his lips. He slid a hand to his lower back, encouraging the arch and the rolling of his hips. "I want to see you fall apart for me, James. You're so fucking beautiful."
The set of teeth to his bottom lip made him groan roughly, the sound heavy with need. Feeling the weight of his gaze, he shuddered hard, his hands tightening their hold for a moment. He chased those lips, the whispered request stealing his breath.
It was easy to move with that hand, to do exactly as he wanted. He slid one hand to curl around the side of his neck, his thumb drifting along the line of his jaw. His other hand slid between them to finally brush over his length, his breath hissing out. "Fuck, Grant... baby," he groaned out, "I am so close. You're so good." His voice was gravelly and low, his eyes blown dark and hazy with need as he looked at him.
The hand on the back of his neck grounded him, helping him stay focused on the goal of making James fall apart beautifully under him, even when his own mind was starting to short out with bliss. He felt amazing wrapped around him and laid out so gorgeous that he never wanted to forget it.
"Tell me what you need," he murmured, following the path of his hand, fingers skimming lightly over the length of him. He was equally happy to help with that or to let him get there on his own, knowing that both had their own payoff. He tipped his head again, brushing soft kisses and little nips of his teeth along his neck.
He groaned roughly at the soft trail of his fingers over his length and he caught them in his. His head tipped to give him room while he wrapped Grant's fingers around his length, "Touch me, please." His body quaked and tightened around him again, need burning brighter.
His nails scraped lightly over his neck as he arched into his strokes and his hand. "I want to feel you fall apart," his voice was heavy and gravelly. All he wanted to feel at all was him.
"Anything you want, baby. You're so beautiful like this. So damn good for me," he murmured in his ear, voice husky with need. Grant couldn't think of a thing he'd deny him at this point. He wrapped fingers around his length, stroking at half the pace of his rolling hips.
"Close." He pressed teeth into his shoulder with soft growl, soothing it with a kiss before he drew back. He ran a thumb over the tip of his head and matched his hand to the deep thrusts of his hips, his rhythm slipping as he chased the edge for both of them.
Shuddering, a noise that was pure need escaped him even as liquid heat slid down his spine. His voice sounding so wrecked and calling him beautiful and good slammed a haze through his brain in the best way. "All yours," his voice was more of a growl at that point as their bodies moved.
A ragged moan was pulled out of him at the press of teeth and his nails dug into his skin. His head dropped back and he tried to keep his gaze focused on him and failed as his entire body tightened around him. Grant's name was on his lips as he drove him over that sharp edge, intent on pulling him with him.
Those words and the sharp sting of nails drew a ragged groan from his lips. He didn't have words left to agree, so he said it with his body, claiming him with hips and mouth and hands.
James's body quaking under him with his name on his lips was everything he wanted in that moment. He kept his gaze on him as long as he could, his name on his lips a prayer as he chased him over the edge and fell with him. A pleasure that was almost pain shuddered through him, stealing his breath.
No where in his memory had he ever been so thoroughly laid claim to, been wrecked apart and put back together so well. The pleasure that slammed through him was white-hot and sharp-edged and he was happy to give in to it.
Tipping his head, he brushed his lips over his shoulder and up his neck softly. His hands slid soothingly over his back and arms, mindless with the need to simply touch. His body rippled with aftershocks, but otherwise he was practically boneless under him and content to be so.
He slowed, breathless and quaking and the only thought to be close to him. James was a work of art, wrecked and languid beneath him, only better because he was warm and real and Grant got to hold him. He wrapped his arms around him, tucking his face against his neck and brushing his lips there softly.
He shivered through aftershocks of his own, but James's hands were a soothing warmth helping him come down, and he stroked a hand along his side in response. He didn't have a voice yet to tell him how amazing he was, but it was the kind of thing that spoke for itself for now.
A contented noise escaped him which was about all he was capable of as Grant settled against him. His knees shifted higher to keep them comfortable and he groaned at the change of position that set off an aftershock all its own. His lips kept up their soft trail over neck and shoulders, drifting to the corner of his jaw.
His mindless touches continued, hands drifting over the endless bared skin. How he had kept as many of his faculties as he had would surprise him later when he properly looked back over it. One hand drifted up to brush through Grant's hair, nails scraping softly, as he soothed them both through coming down.
He moaned softly at the shuddering aftershock that ran through James and clenched a hand in the sheets as he fought not to writhe along with him. It stole what little breath he'd managed to get back, and he made a soft whimpering sound as he pressed his face into his neck.
All he could comfortably reach was his side, and he kept up the soothing path of his hand, letting himself be comforted by James's soft touches and the steady rhythm of his heart. He tipped his head when his lips came near his jaw, capturing them in a soft, languid kiss.
He made a soft, soothing noise and forced himself to relax, his body softening into the bed under him again. The soft touches helped his body relax even as he felt his heart fall further into Grant's keeping. He loved this soft, intimate moment that somehow managed to wreck him and put him back together in an entirely different way.
A soft moan escaped him as he sank into that kiss, the hand in his hair stilling. His other arm wrapped fully around him to hold him properly while they kissed.
Grant could think of nothing more comforting at the moment than being wrapped up in him. As amazing as James was in bed, he needed this more, the gentle care and affection he'd always offered so easily. If James felt even half as safe and adored as he did, then he was doing it right.
As wrecked as he was, that little moan still set his heart beating faster. There was probably never a time that it wouldn't. He kept his kisses soft and gentle, his hand sliding into his hair in soothing pets. "Okay, baby?" His voice hadn't totally recovered, but words were back and checking on him his first priority.
It was new, feeling as safe, as cared for and adored as he did, and he hoped he managed the same for Grant. He knew there would never be a time that this man wouldn't fuel the heat that hung so easily between them. How easily they slid between the heat and the softness was boggling but he was addicted to him regardless.
A content hum escaped him at the pets and kisses, the question registering but his mind was still sluggish and he was okay with it. "Mm great," he murmured and even that was rough and wrecked still, but the contentment was clear. "You good?" His hand slid a long trail over his hair and back.
Everything about James was a little mind-blowing if he let himself think about it for too long, from the irresistible attraction to him to how easily they fit one soft, comfortable moment into the next. Grant didn't need more reasons to be sure he wanted him in his life, that he wasn't letting go this time, but he had them regardless.
He smiled, both at the answer and at the ragged sound of his voice. "So good." He brushed a kiss against the corner of his jaw and pressed his face into his hair with a soft, happy sigh. His hand continued its soft path through his hair. The light touches could easily lull him back to sleep, but he was just as content to drowse. He was ignoring how much they both needed a shower now. His body protested the idea of moving that much just yet.
If he stopped to think about how perfectly they fit, he would stop trusting that it wasnât all a dream. He wanted this, for both of them, this contentment. He smiled softly at the kiss and the sound of his voice, blissed out and ragged.
He let his eyes drift back shut, content to just rest and soak in the afterglow. Getting up to take a shower wasnât a priority for him just yet, too boneless to be persuaded however needed it was. His hand kept drifting, the other arm wrapped around him as he cuddled into him and dozed.
Grant had a very good imagination, but it wasn't good enough to dream up James with all his nuances and complexity. He didn't think he could have imagined someone being this good to him either. That, alone, had come to feel like a pipe dream.
He wrapped an arm around him, his thumb drifting back and forth over soft skin while they relaxed and dozed. He had no idea how much time passed. He hadn't looked at a clock all morning. Eventually other needs were demanding attention though, and he pressed soft kisses into his hair. "Shower, baby. And then food."
He made a grumbly noise at the idea of having to get up, pushing his face into soft warm skin. It was quickly forced when Alpine came barreling into the room and skidded to a stop at the side of the bed. âFine, fine. Shower,â he agreed with a blearily opened eye to drop a hand off the side of the bed, the other staying with his hold on Grant.
He brushed soft kisses over his skin before releasing his hold. âDo you want to make breakfast or walk Alpine?â He grinned, excited to give him the options.
In all fairness, Alpine had been extremely patient with them this morning. He tipped his head to smile at her with a soft greeting, but his hands stayed on James, offering soft pets to ease the getting up process. Eventually, he pushed himself upright and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, reaching out to scritch behind her ears.
He stood slowly, taking stock of his body, but he felt pretty good all things considered. "I'll make breakfast," he offered with a soft smile. The idea of cooking for him was too good to pass up. He paused to lean around the doorway to the bathroom with a smile full of mischief. "Are you joining me, or staying in bed?"
He enjoyed getting to soak up all the pets and attention from Grant and Alpine for a moment, since it was the first time he was really getting them. When he sat and then stood up, he unabashedly let himself look over him, feeling soft at the sight of them together. It was the best kind of morning, in his opinion.
Nodding in acceptance, he sat up and ruffled his hair on a yawn as he watched him walking, his head tipped in pure appreciation as he pet Alpine. The invitation got him moving out of bed quickly with a chuckle and he ignored all the twinges that were more than worth it. "How can I pass that up?" He grinned as he caught up to him, wrapping his hands around his hips.
He chuckled as he reached out to pull him close again, brushing soft kisses to his neck. "Woulda been sad if you did," he teased. He didn't think either of them had the energy to get up to much in there, but the opportunity to maintain their closeness was one he wanted. They had time to be as self-indulgent as they wanted today.
He set out a couple towels and turned the water on, waiting for it to warm before he stepped in. It was a happy accident that the shower was big enough to fit both of them in reasonable comfort. He'd never imagined using it for this purpose before, but it was nice when things worked out. "Come here," he murmured, sliding his arms around him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
"Can't have that," he laughed softly, enjoying the playful sweetness. He didn't have energy for much, but what he did have was fully directed at Grant and would be all day. The idea that they could stay close, that they could laze about and do what they wanted at their pace was enough to make him happy.
He watched him get their shower ready and felt his heart melt. He wasn't far behind him when he stepped in. Those words made him smile and he immediately stepped to him, wrapping his arms around him and pressing close as he tipped his face for the kiss. "Hi handsome," he murmured against his lips.
Grant wanted to collect as many moments like these as he could, as if he could store them up for during the week when they both had regular lives to attend to, but in reality he thought he might be forming an addiction that he'd never be able to shake. Even in his thoughts or on the phone, James was the brightest part of every day since they'd found each other again.
"Hello, beautiful." He kissed the words gently against his lips, trailing them over his jaw. He was already relaxed, and the hot water and the easy comfort of James in his arms were just adding to it. The sight of that gorgeous body didn't hurt either.
He hummed happily into the kiss, tipping his head to give him all the room he could want. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so relaxed and he just wanted to soak in his arms in the heat. "Best morning," he murmured against his skin, his hand running a light path over his back.
He didn't want to shake this addiction. He hadn't needed anyone the way he needed Grant in a very long time. There hadn't been a person to bring those bright spots into his days.
He happily tipped his head into the offered space, leaving a soft trail of kisses down his neck and chasing a line of water with his tongue. He really wasn't trying to wind him up again, but he couldn't resist. James was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, and he was extra yummy all warm and dripping wet.
He hummed his agreement against his skin, the words bringing an easy smile to his face. "Best everything," he murmured back. He couldn't remember the last morning like this, the last anything like this. Grant would give him all the mornings like this if he could, but even knowing they had to return to reality at some point wasn't discouraging. He trusted that they'd have more.
He groaned softly when he felt that tongue trailing over his skin, a shudder racking him as he thought about just how good it felt everywhere. His hands tightened on him and he got rid of any of the little spaces between them. Shifting against him, his head dropped back entirely because he really was weak and had no self-control where Grant was involved anymore.
"That," he agreed easily, his hands drifting down his back and over the soft curves of his ass. The return to reality wasn't the worst thing anymore. His days simply filled with him in different ways, but he found a special joy in them. Admittedly, he preferred this, where he could kiss and touch and cuddle, but still.
He couldn't help the way his hands tightened on him when he sounded like that, or the heat that ran through him when James pressed in against him. It was ridiculous the way he made him feel like a reckless teenager, the way he couldn't get enough of him. He wanted their days to always have kisses and touches and cuddles, even if they somehow managed to keep their clothes on for them.
He moved a hand to the back of his head to cradle it when it tipped back, fingers tangling gently in his hair. "You taste so sweet," he almost growled against his skin. He took his time kissing and nipping and sucking over his neck, the water making it additionally fun.
Grant certainly made him feel reckless, but there was heat and need there he didn't think they had been capable of fifteen years ago. He couldn't get enough of him either, always wanting to be close, however he could manage. The way his hands tightened, the feeling of his lips, he knew it would just get worse because there was no way he'd ever want it less.
A rough groan of need escaped him at that voice pressed into his skin and his hands tightened on the globes of his ass as he shifted against him. "All yours," he murmured again. Â He was looking forward to seeing the marks their day together left and definitely looked forward to leaving more of his own.
Grant thought he'd felt them so strongly the first time because they were young, and maybe that was true, but it was nothing compared to the depth of feeling he was capable of now. He was going to fall for him, if he hadn't already, and there would be no getting him out of his system this time. He wasn't convinced he ever really had before.
He moaned softly at his hands and the tight press of his body against him. He'd definitely left marks, before and now, and that small, possessive part of him was happy about that. "How'd I get so lucky?" he whispered, languidly working his way back to his lips and kissing him, slow and deep.
He loved hearing how he affected Grant, every sound catalogued in his brain and what caused it. There was no way he would ever get him out of his system now when he hadn't even done it before. Tumbling headfirst into love with Grant apparently seemed to be his gold-medal sport and he wouldn't change it now.
There was nothing small about the possessive part of Grant, but James was entirely happy to bear it, he even reveled in it if he were honest. "I ask myself that question every time you touch me," he admitted just before pressing into that kiss. A soft sound escaped him and he let himself drown in him and the way he kissed him.
Grant had never thought of himself as possessive before now, but there were a lot of things James brought out in him that he'd thought were long gone. He loved being able to claim every inch of this gorgeous man and, in time he hoped, his heart too. He'd always wanted it all when it came to him; nothing short of a whole life together would do.
Those words absolutely melted him, and though he didn't answer out loud, he made a promise in his head to never stop touching him. He always wanted them both to feel like they were the lucky one in this relationship. He gently backed him into the wall for support as he kissed him, slow and sweet.
Everything that James was, it was already Grant's and he knew it. There was no holding any part of himself back from him. He'd never been good at slow anything, not really, and this was no exception. He wanted to hear Grant claim him the way he already did with his hands, his kisses.
A light sound escaped him when he felt the wall at his back, but he slid one hand up the length of his back, enjoying the glide of the water as he slid it up into his hair. That kiss made his knees weak and he wrapped one of his calves around Grant's. If he made Grant feel anything like he felt, then he thought they really were lucky.
Grant had never taken anything in his life as fast as he took things with James, the first time and now. He wasn't hesitant, but he was thoughtful; he liked to have an idea of what he was getting into, and he liked to be reasonably sure he could commit to it. James glided through all that usual caution like it wasn't even there, and Grant wasn't even sorry about it. There was nothing to think about with him, no other alternatives to consider. He just wanted him, whatever that looked like.
He could say he was trying to control himself, but it would have been a lie from the moment he invited him into the shower (although he really had believed they might be able to keep it together at that point). He tightened his hands around his waist and lifted him into his arms, using the wall to brace them while they kissed. It wasn't a position he could maintain long-term, but for right now it put James exactly where he wanted him.
The moment he felt his feet leave the floor, his brain absolutely short-circuited and he whimpered softly into the kiss in instinctive need. His ankles locked behind him, his hands sinking into his hair as he took that slow, sweet kiss and deepened it with a frankly filthy edge. There was no way for him to describe exactly what that move had done to him if he were to ask.
His core filled with the liquid heat that spilled down his spine at being lifted that way. He'd intended on being rather well-behaved in the shower, all things considered, when he first joined him. That intent was long gone now.
He hadn't realized the effect that move would have on James, but they were both done for now. He moaned roughly into that kiss, his hips rolling against him before he'd consciously decided to. He pinned him to the wall and kissed back hard and dirty, self-control shredded just that fast.
Though it hadn't been fully intentional, he couldn't bring himself to be sorry about it. They had no real reason for good behavior when it was just them and a whole day without outside commitments. Some part of his mind was cataloging this response for future use under things that made James absolutely lose his mind.
He met that roll of hips with one of his own, his hands tightening in Grant's hair as though it could hold him together as he shuddered hard for him. He wasn't sure he would survive if he managed to do anything sexier than that, because his active thought processes were long gone at this point.
His hand slid down his back and side before reaching to brush over Grant's length, nipping into the kiss as the nails on his other hand scraped a path over the back of his neck.
A soft whine of need slipped past his lips at the brush of fingers, and he couldn't help pushing into that touch. He wanted to return the favor, but he'd have to put him down to free his hands, and that wasn't happening. They slid to the inviting curves of his ass instead, encouraging the roll of his hips.
"God, Jamie, please," he gasped out, Â shuddering hard under the feeling of nails and teeth. He nipped a sharp trail over his jaw, soothing the spots with lips and tongue. He bit down a little harder when he reached his neck, though not enough to leave a lasting mark; he didn't want to actually hurt him.
His legs tightened around him, groaning at the sound now echoing through his head. Rolling his hips, his fingers drifted teasingly over his length to match. It was beautiful to listen to him, to watch him, when they were like this.
"Yes baby," he murmured roughly before curling his hand around him entirely. His breath hissed out at the press of teeth at his neck and he groaned, rolling his hips and stroking him firmly once as he tipped his head to brush his lips over his shoulder and up his neck to his ear. "I love when you mark me, Grant," he murmured before nipping just under his ear before he started stroking him properly.
If James wrapped tightly around him wasn't enough to short circuit his brain, that teasing touch was. He moaned, melting a little into him. He hated that he couldn't touch him back and simultaneously wouldn't change a thing about what they were doing. He could always help him out with that later, if James was determined not to pay attention to himself.
He shuddered into that touch and the voice in his ear, trying to rally enough to do more than stand there and hold him. He kissed the spot where he'd just bitten down and sucked over it before biting him again, hard enough to bruise, hips rolling hard against him.
Feeling Grant shaking under his legs made him groan roughly in satisfaction. When he bit down again, he let out a sound that echoed off the walls and his hands tightened, the one curled around his length  moving faster for a moment.
He rolled his hips to match him before shifting just slightly. He shuddered as their lengths aligned and he slowly wrapped his hand around them both. "So good," he growled lightly against his skin.
The darkly possessive part of him enjoyed that sound. The idea of him wearing his marks was deeply satisfying, and the fact that biting was something James obviously enjoyed only added to it. He wanted to learn everything that made him come undone so he could give it to him again and again.
He adjusted his hold on him to help accommodate the shift. Between the wall for support and his legs wrapped around him, he could still do this for a while. A ragged groan slipped past his lips at the feeling of James pressed against him. Molten heat shot through his core, his mind temporarily whiting out with need.
James was sure they would find everything that really made each other tick, all the wonderful ways they could wreck one another. He looked forward to the learning, wanted to be able to give him everything he could want. That was an entirely mutual feeling.
His hand tightened around their lengths and he stroked them in time with every slow, deliberate roll of his hips. He wanted to see him fall apart the same way he had slowly pulled James apart just a little while before. "So fucking beautiful, you take my breath away," he murmured before drifting to kiss him again, deep and hungry.
James already gave him everything he wanted, and more he hadn't thought to ask for. He'd never imagined having anything like this ever again. It was only possible because of the man in his arms. He'd changed everything so fast, but Grant already knew there was no coming back from it.
He kissed more softly at his neck, tonguing gently at the bite mark standing out red against his skin. That steady rhythm of hips and hands brought a moan from his lips, hands tightening on him as he matched his pace. "Yes, baby, yes." He sank into that kiss, slow and deep, and matched it to those steady strokes.
Everything was already so amazing and it was really just starting. He couldnât imagine how it would be in six months, let alone a year or more. He desperately wanted to find out, though, in a way heâd never wanted with anyone except Grant.
He moaned softly into the kiss as everything synced up. His hand tightened around them, the nails of his other scraping softly through his hair. He wasnât particularly in a hurry with it, either.
That was the part that made all of this mean anything, the wanting to build a life together. As fast as they were moving on this, Grant didn't do casual relationships. It only mattered because he already cared for James, maybe more than he was ready to admit. He wanted to know him and figure out how they fit together.
The fact that he could make him totally out of his mind was just an amazing and unexpected benefit. That controlled pace was taking him apart in the best way, and he had to fight his body to keep matching it. His name was a moan against his lips, and he nipped at the bottom one, soft at first and then a little harder.
All of this was because he wanted to build a life with him, wanted nothing more and nothing less than that. He didn't know how to do anything casual, particularly not where Grant was involved. There was no way for him to be careful with his heart, but he trusted him with it, so it didn't matter.
Seeing him falling apart the way he had fallen apart for him earlier was satisfying and heady. He wanted the pleasure and joy of seeing it happening slowly, knowing he was responsible. He hissed in a breath, his hand clenching tightly around them for a moment before a harder, slow rock of his hips.
Grant was trying hard to be worthy of that trust. He worried that he would hurt James at some point on one of his broken edges, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. The two most important relationships in his life had failed pretty spectacularly. He didn't think he could stand to lose him again.
A soft, needy sound escaped him at the touch, and he pressed him harder to the wall, hips pushing up into him. "Jamie, please." It was half praise, half plea as he caught him another deep, hungry kiss, his hands running over all the soft skin he could reach without throwing off their balance.
Grant wasn't the only one of them with broken edges, and James's terrified him because of the violence attached. He would never want to hurt anyone, but there were times when the past clung too strongly and didn't want to let go. If he had any say in it, any control, he refused to let this end the way they had, or even at all.
Hearing those sounds falling from Grant's lips made him groan roughly, almost edging into a growl when he was pushed harder into the wall. "You can do it, baby," he murmured before sinking into that kiss. His hand slid from his hair to curl around the side of his neck, his thumb pushing up under his chin lightly. "I want to see it," he growled softly against his lips, nipping sharply at his bottom lip.
They had yet to face any of those tougher realities together, but Grant seriously doubted there was anything James could do to make him walk away now. There was an identifiable pattern to the way his relationships ended in the past, and he was aware enough of that to take steps to prevent it. As long as they were in it together, he thought they could figure it out.
The sound of him practically growling with need did something to him every time. "So good." His breath stuttered on the words, the combination of hands and hips pushing him steadily closer to the edge. He made a soft sound at the sting of teeth, but it only added to the sensory overload in the best way.
There was no way James could do anything in this relationship without Grant meeting him at least halfway. He wanted them to figure it all out together. Things were so different for both of them from how they had ever been, they deserved the chance to do it together.
He shivered at the sound of his breath stuttering, amazed that he could bring the man who had made him boneless to that point. He licked over the sharp spot before sucking on his lip lightly. He licked into his mouth, teasing a kiss before pulling back just enough to murmur. "I want you to come for me." He slid into a kiss, deep and filthy, mimicking the pattern of his hand and their hips again.
He wanted to meet him halfway, to be partners in everything and face the challenges together. Distance and painful silences had characterized the ends of his relationships. If they could continue reaching for each other when things were hard instead of pulling away--a problem Grant was fully aware that he had--then they might be okay.
He didn't doubt James's ability to drive him out of his mind with need, not after they'd proven the effect a couple times over already, but he hadn't expected his own self-control to be so flimsy in the face of it. "Harder. Please." He groaned roughly into that kiss, his hips rolling harder against him. That steady pace was killing him.
James could no longer manage painful silences, he didnât handle them well. Distance was something he didnât think he could go in search of from Grant. Not now. He hadnât even wanted it the first time, but again, they had more say in their lives now.
It was heady to watch his self-control slowly be flayed apart. A pleased little sound escaped him at the request and his body responded to his hips instinctively. His hand sped up, his breath catching in the kiss.
He thought they'd started out with good communication and fewer walls, and that was reassuring. Grant had trusted him with some of the darkness, and instead of running, James had only pulled him closer. He wanted to do the same for him when it came to that, to show him that he didn't see the cracks as flaws but as places to put love and care like it was gold paint on broken pottery.
It seemed so simple. He asked, and James gave, but he was old enough to know what a gift that was. A rough groan was punched out of him and he kissed him deeply, everything else melting away and leaving only James and the beautiful way he was taking him apart. His name was a moan on his lips as he spilled him over that delicious edge, body shuddering and hands clinging as much as supporting.
There was nothing so dark about Grant to drive him away. He came with his own darkness and demons, and as scared as he was to eventually bare them, he hoped that he would handle them as well as he could. There was no telling because they both had hang ups that hadnât existed before. Â But hope was enough for him.
He would give Grant everything in his power to. Always. This? This was a simple thing that pleased them both. He took that moan and sank into the kiss, losing himself in Grant, their bodies, and the way they moved together. Feeling him made him groan roughly and follow him over the edge, hazy and delighted.
In all honesty, Grant was far more scared of himself than he was of James's issues. They seemed to have that in common, along with the ability to be kinder to each other than they were to themselves. He wanted all of James, not just the beautiful parts but the darkness and the demons and the bad days included, even if Grant couldn't always make them less bad for him.
This part came all too easily. He'd assumed they both had some semblance of self-control, but now he knew better, and he couldn't bring himself to mind it much. If they were worse than teenagers about keeping their hands off each other, that was their business. He was newly grateful for the wall as he sank into him, letting it support more of their weight, but he had no desire to move or put him down just yet. He tipped his head against his shoulder while he got his breath back, brushing soft kisses back and forth.
They had a great deal in common when it came to their issues and how they approached their relationship, it seemed. Kindness to himself was sometimes unfathomable, but he could never imagine doing anything less than what he did for Grant. He made the bad days more bearable simply by existing in his life. It made the reality of more of them a lot more tolerable as well.
James wasnât sure that self control was ever going to be something he possessed when it came to keeping his hands off of Grant. Heâd gone so long without being able to touch and without the desire to touch anyone else that it was nearly compulsory. His hand slid from their lengths to curl around his waist, the other wrapping around him to simply hold him close. It was comforting to be pressed between him and the wall since he was in no rush to be moved. He hummed softly as he rested his head on Grants shoulder, content to be kissed and held.
It sounded so simple, just having someone to exist with him on the bad days, but they'd both been without it for a long time, James even longer. Grant didn't find it hard to be kind to this person he already adored, and if James couldn't manage it for himself, then he'd love him twice as hard on those days.
Grant didn't want him to keep his hands to himself. It had only been a week, and he already couldn't imagine going without the soft touches and the snuggles on the couch and waking up with James in his bed in the morning. It would be so much harder to go without it now that he'd admitted to himself how much he needed him. "So good," he murmured, tucking his face against his neck and brushing lazy kisses there. Eventually the water was going to get cold or his arms were going to cramp, but right now he just wanted to hold him and keep this closeness.
It helped that they both seemed to want so many of the same things for each other, in daily life, big moments and small. At the end of it all, he wanted Grant to be genuinely happy, and hopefully it would be with him. Their relationship was going to be full of give and take, some days he would have to love Grant twice as hard, and others, it would have to be the other way around. He wanted every moment of it.
He didn't care to think about the days they might have to spend apart, or worse, the nights. Already, he wanted his days filled with everything they had together. His hand slid up into his hair to hold his head when he tucked his face in and sighed in contentment. "You are," he murmured, a light teasing in his voice. He wasn't really in the mood for separation, but he knew they couldn't stay this way indefinitely. He was simply enjoying being held.
Happiness wasn't something he'd thought about in a long time. He'd fought hard just to get back to content, at least more days than not. His life at present wasn't bad. There was a lot he was grateful for. But the past week with James had been far above contentment. He was happier with him than he'd been in over five years.
"Obviously I was talking about me," he teased back, gently biting him. He'd never been a good liar. He raised his head, catching his lips in a soft kiss. "I mean it, Jamie," he murmured against his lips. "You're amazing. You make me happy." Not that it was his job or anything, but credit where it was due.
He laughed softly, though it went a little breathless at the gentle bite. Everything about Grant did that to him, really, taking his breath away and making him weak in the knees. "Of course you were," he grinned, more than likely a little dopey and a lot lovesick.
It felt like breathing to tip his head and meet that soft kiss. His heart stuttered at those quiet words and he keened softly against his lips. His hand slid up from his waist to join the other in his hair. "You make me happy too, baby," he whispered softly, his thumbs stroking softly behind his ears. "I didn't think I could feel like this," he admitted.
He'd missed the sound of that laugh and the brief flash of the grin he got before he was kissing him. It was totally unfair that time had only made him more handsome and irresistible. Not for the first time, he wondered what they'd be like if they hadn't lost each other the first time. This happy? It didn't seem possible.
That soft sound made him want to gather him close and never let him go, but they were already about as close as they could get. "Good. I want you to be so happy you can hardly stand it," he whispered back, brushing another soft, sweet kiss to lips. That admission hurt a little because he didn't want that for James, but he couldn't claim to be any better. "I gave up on it," he agreed softly.
James had no idea what their life would have looked like if things had worked the way they'd wanted the first go around. He had loved him as deeply and as fiercely as he'd been capable of then, and it had been a lot. But this? This felt like so much more and he wondered if the intervening years were part of why. They knew what it was to lose this now, and they hadn't known it then.
"I already don't know what to do with it," the words were soft and a little pained, like he hated that about himself and a part of him did. He tipped his face happily into the kiss like Grant was the sun and he was a sunflower, following where he led. "We both did."
Grant had never discounted their past relationship just because they were young. That love was real. He'd known it then and always, even when it ended. But falling for him as an adult was a completely different thing. What they both needed out of a relationship was completely different. He didn't--couldn't--accept the idea that loss made people better (It didn't. It just fucking hurt.), but the fact that James could still want him anyway despite all that hurt just hit a little harder.
His chest ached with that comment and the pain in it. "That's okay," he assured him softly, tipping his forehead to rest against his. "You're doing great." If he was struggling with it, Grant wanted to know, to help if he could but if not just to be there to share it. But it wasn't obvious from the outside, at least not so far. "I won't give up on us this time," he whispered.
His eyes drifted shut and he took a deep breath, relaxing in his hold and into his care. His fingers slid softly through his hair and he let out a soft, shaky sigh. "I'm trying," he admitted. It was so much easier to give him all of his care, his affection, what was quickly turning into love again.
"Neither am I. I can't walk away from you," he admitted. "I can't." His thumbs slid along the line of his jaw, tucking just under it to tip his head up so he could look at him properly. "This is a we situation," James reminded him. "We are in this. I want it to last. Forever, if it can, because this is it for me. You're it for me."
"Tell me, if there's something I can do," he requested. "Tell me even if there isn't." He wanted to know either way, even if there was nothing he could do to help, even if that help meant he needed to pull back and give him some room to breathe now and then. It was a big change for both of them. He still hadn't fully processed it and likely wouldn't for a while.
"I don't want you to," he assured him softly. He never had. "I want you to stay and fight this out with me no matter what." His heart skipped at the words, beginning with forever and ending with you're it for me. He worried he would fail James again, but he couldn't deny he'd been thinking them too even if he wouldn't fully acknowledge it to himself before now.
He gently unwrapped his arms and lowered him back to the floor. Partly it was that his arms and shoulders were starting to ache from standing that way for so long, but also he was tired of not being able to use his hands. He took his face gently between them, easily meeting that beautiful gaze. "Okay," he whispered. "I always wanted forever with you, James. It's you and me."
"Oh Grant," he murmured, brushing his lips over his softly before pulling back again. "You do it, every time we're together," he reassured him. He showed him that he cared, that this mattered, that they could move past all their sad history, shared and separate.
"I promise, baby," there was nothing that could happen that would keep him from fighting to stay with him. After all, he had gotten very good at fighting wars, and this one would be personal. The universe wasn't allowed to take this from them.
His feet settled against the floor and he slid his hands around his waist. His breath caught in his chest as he looked at him. James wanted to sink into those words and stay there, safe and comforted. His head turned to press a kiss into his palm. "We'll take whatever time you need," he murmured, a hand lifting to wrap carefully around that wrist.
That was hard to accept, that he helped just by being there, just by being himself. But there was something lovely about it too, in each of them being comforted by the other without any effort. "You help me too, you know," he said softly. "Just by being here." He loved all the things James did for him on purpose, the dancing and dinner and everything else, but his presence alone was enough to soothe away the rough edges of everyday life.
"I promise too." Grant knew sometimes he'd be fighting himself on that, his own instinct to pull away and guard himself. He was already trying to make a better pattern with James, to reach for him instead of backing away and talk to him instead of keeping things to himself, and he would keep trying.
"I don't think I need it," he admitted, gently stroking the side of his face. "I'm in this with you. I already know there's no one else. I want all of this, forever if we can have it. I know it'll take time, to sort it out and see how we fit together, and that's okay. I'm with you. We're figuring it out together."
It was wonderful how soothing just having Grant in his life was. There was a peace in knowing he had someone who cared about him as much as he cared about them. Everything else was just icing, really. Those soft, beautiful moments of just life were something he always wanted them to share. âIâm glad, baby,â he murmured softly.
He leaned into that soft touch, his thumb brushing lightly along the inside of his wrist. These were the moments that made a forever possible if they wanted it. âOkay,â he accepted, his voice soft and hopeful, full of the adoration he held for him.
âWeâll figure it all out together. One step at a time,â he agreed stepping into his space to kiss him softly. âYouâre my partner, we can do this.â There was nothing he could imagine getting in the way of it.
The hope in his voice killed him. It had been so long since he allowed himself to hope for anything this good. It had the potential to be devastating for both of them, but Grant didn't think he could stop it now if he wanted to. James was already under his skin and wrapped around every part of him, and he wanted it that way. "Okay," he said with a soft smile.
He wrapped an arm around his waist, inviting him to get rid of whatever space was left between them as he leaned into that kiss. "Partners," he agreed, his smile brightening. He hadn't realized he wanted to hear that until he said it. They already acted like they'd skipped right over casual dating to an actual relationship, but he liked having it confirmed. It was an easy definition that meant James was his.
James was more than willing to risk being devastated and broken for the chance at a life with Grant. He couldnât have it if he didnât try and the idea of never even giving it a chance out of fear was something he couldnât stomach. His arms slid up to wrap around his neck so he could press close, smiling into the kiss.
The sight of that smile warmed him thoroughly and he wanted to keep it on his face forever. Neither one of them was really designed for casual dating, and especially not when it was with each other. His hand slid through his hair with a soft smile. âCome on baby, letâs actually wash up before it gets cold,â he reminded him with one last soft kiss.
There was little he wouldn't risk for a chance at a life with James. He'd never expected to get that again. Grant had never been one for casual relationships, and he'd certainly never managed it with James. There was nothing casual about his feelings for him, hadn't been from day one.
He kissed him gently, arms wrapping around his waist to tug them gently back under the warm water. "I'll try not to get distracted again," he murmured with a playful smile. They'd probably kept Alpine waiting long enough too, so he tried to stay on task with the actual cleaning up this time.
Even when he had been too young to really know  any different, Grant had always been it for him, and he had known it. The world had been so unkind that he had lost faith in love and soulmates and happily ever after, but here he was again. Once, he'd been so sure this was his happily ever after. He'd lost it. It was his again, as long as he fought for it.
A soft laugh escaped him and he went with the tug so he stayed close to him as they went back under the water. "I'll do my best to help," he smiled softly, his own hands running over his skin. He did his best to keep them on track outside of a few kisses that probably went more intense than they should have, but otherwise he tried to keep them from another distraction.
Grant wasn't cynical enough to stop believing in love and happily ever afters. He'd just given up on them for himself. Even with Anna, he hadn't thought of them in terms of soulmates. Someone he planned to spend his life with, yeah, but there was nothing immediate or overwhelming about it. It was safe, and they'd only gotten good at being together over time. By comparison, James was a natural disaster, radically shaking up his whole life in a matter of days. Given the fact that they'd been dropped into each other's paths a second time, it was hard not to think things like "soulmate" and "fate."
He couldn't say he was bothered by kisses or distractions, and he may have been responsible for a few of them himself. When it came down to it, they weren't really on a timeline, and he cared more about enjoying their time together than about getting anything done. Eventually, they did manage the process of getting clean though, and he offered him a towel as he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a second around himself.
James had gained a harsh level of cynicism on some subjects, but he tried not to hold on to it if he could help it. Somehow, he managed to mostly skip it with Grant. He ignored the little voice when it threatened to rise and viciously tamped it down. Some days he was sure he was going to wake up from the dream but he knew his dreams had never been this good.
He enjoyed the process of getting clean and enjoying each otherâs presence, fun and relaxing in its own way. Scrubbing his towel through his hair, he smiled at the sight of Grant in a towel and reached over to curl his fingers in it and pull him close. âGorgeous,â he murmured as he kissed him softly, stepping away to wrap his towel around himself and step out to get ready.
Everything with James was fun or relaxing in its way. He loved having him within easy reach all the time, all the soft touches and kisses having rapidly become an addiction he didn't want to fight. Just knowing he was there was a comfort all by itself, and having him under his hands made it feel less like this might slip away from them at any moment, too good to be real.
He couldn't help the happy smile he gave back at the sight of him dripping wet and gorgeous, and he moved easily into his space for the kiss. "I was just thinking the same about you." He dressed and headed to the kitchen, petting Alpine when she got close although it was clear she had a walk on her mind. He didn't blame her; she'd been more than patient through all their distractions. "Any requests for breakfast?"
He smiled softly at the sight of Alpine clearly waiting while he got dressed. When he came out, she went straight to the door as he paused in the kitchen. âMmm bacon? Outside of that, donât care,â he laughed softly and kissed him again. âWeâll be back in a few.â
He stuffed extra treats in his pockets, giving her one as he got her harness and leash on. The walk was quick and easy and by the end of it, she was her sweet happy self again. He was in a full blown conversation with her when they walked back into the apartment and he scratched behind her ears and gave her the last treat from his pocket. âBreakfast for you too, now that youâve had treats,â he chuckled.
"Bacon it is. See you soon." There was something nice about kissing him goodbye knowing he'd be right back. Grant put on a morning playlist, something comfortable and quiet, while he got coffee, bacon, and pancakes going. Cooking was relaxing knowing he wasn't on any sort of deadline, and cooking for James was even better.
He paused just to listen to them for a moment when they came through the door, the sound of him talking to Alpine like she was fully capable of answering him back (and probably did) making him smile. He wanted that soundtrack every morning. He gave James a kiss and Alpine a scritch behind the ears when they joined him. "Nice walk?"
It was easy to wrap an arm around Grant's waist and lean into the kiss as they stepped into the kitchen. "It was nice, once she stopped giving me the cold shoulder," he laughed, shaking his head and not regretting any of the delays in getting her out that morning. They were obviously forgiven at the way she tucked herself between their legs and her tail swung.
"What can I do to help?" His head tipped to brush his lips over his jaw and neck. "Smells good," he teased, smiling against his skin before shifting back to actually be helpful. Looking at him was already one of his favorite things and he didn't even care.
"Aww. I guess we did keep her waiting. I'm sorry." He gave her some extra pets in apology, but she didn't seem to be holding on to that grudge. "But not that sorry," he added more softly, dropping a kiss on James's shoulder. He couldn't bring himself to want to change it when he was happier than he'd been in a long time and everything had worked out fine.
"Not much. Coffee's ready. Everything else will be in a few minutes." He smiled at the kisses, hands lingering on him until the last possible moment when he stepped away. He turned back to the stove to flip things onto plates and start the last round of food cooking. "If you want something else to drink? Or whatever you want on your pancakes."
"I'm not sorry for it in the slightest," he said bluntly, brushing a few more kisses over soft skin. There was nothing about their morning he wanted to change except making it longer so they'd never had to get up to begin with. He was happy and wanted to hold on to it with everything he had.
"Mmmm coffee," he smiled softly, not wanting to move away from those hands but knowing he would have to eventually. He pulled down two mugs and made Grant's coffee creamy and sweet like he preferred. "I'm good with just coffee. Do you want something else, sweetheart?" He sipped on his coffee as he made his way to the fridge.
Grant knew the look he gave him was soft, and he knew he was dangerously close to losing the rest of his heart to this man, probably sooner rather than later. The only acceptable part about getting up and getting on with their day was that they had all of it to spend however they chose together.
He sipped his coffee while he finished up the cooking with a quiet hum of approval. "No, that's perfect." He turned off the stove and started loading plates up with food, throwing a quick glance over his shoulder at him. "Table, couch, or bed?" He wasn't rigid about eating meals in any particular place. It just depended on the day.
He nodded with a soft smile as he got out the food he'd brought for Alpine so he could get her situated quickly and easily enough. He'd decided to treat her this morning, as he often tried to on the weekends. It helped since they had given in to all of their distractions. As he set down her bowl, he ran a hand over her fur as he looked up to catch that glance.
"Couch," he decided, wanting to be closer than the table would allow them to really be. "If we go to the bed, breakfast might get cold," he shot him a teasing look as he stood up to go help carry things. He tipped his head to brush a kiss over his shoulder when he got close. "Looks good," he murmured, ignoring the fact that he definitely wasn't looking at the food.
"It's possible we can't be trusted," he agreed with feigned seriousness. It was not only possible, it was a fact, and he only needed to look back as far as the shower to know that it was true. He couldn't be trusted to keep his hands off James. He wasn't sure any furniture was going to discourage that, not even the table, but he was in favor of the added comfort of the couch.
"I hope--" you like it, he started to say, and then he realized where he was staring. He smiled, wrapping an arm around his waist and brushing a kiss against his lips. "Sweet-talker," he murmured, kissing him a second time. He reluctantly pulled away to bring plates and mugs to the coffee table and settled onto the couch.
He smiled into the kiss, his hand curling around the back of his neck as he kissed him back. "Honest," he countered softly, because Grant was the most beautiful thing in his life and he wanted him to know it. He hummed softly into the second kiss but let him go so they could shift everything into the living room.
Once they were settled, he snagged the remote and dug through to find the good cartoons with a little grin. They deserved some soft, silly, and fun to go along with everything else. Picking up his plate, he smiled over at Grant. "Thank you, for breakfast," he reached over to brush the backs of his fingers along the line of his jaw.
He didn't argue, although he thought they were both well past biased at this point. He wasn't sure he'd ever been able to be objective about James. And maybe that was fine, to have one person who thought you were the greatest thing. Grant didn't have him on a dangerous pedestal. He recognized the flaws. They were part of what made him James.
"I like this one." He grinned at his choice, not at all opposed to cartoons. He illustrated children's books, for goodness sake. He loved cartoons and Disney and superheroes. "Any time, sweetheart." He brushed a gentle kiss against his fingers and picked up his plate to eat while it was still hot.
There were no pedestals, no grand build ups of images in their heads. They had flaws and broken and missing pieces, jagged edges, but more important than any of that, they had each other. There was care and support wrapped in between all of their pieces.
"I do too," he chuckled, happy to spend their breakfast this way. It was sweet and simple, something they probably both needed in a way they didn't voice. His heart stuttered at the kiss to his fingers and he simply watched him for a brief moment. There was very little of his heart that didn't already belong to Grant, and what didn't would soon, he knew. He gave himself a good mental shake to eat his breakfast, his attention divided between food, cartoons, and the man next to him.
Grant wouldn't have known how to express that this meant as much to him or more as everything else that had happened this morning. Sex with James was mind-blowingly great, but it didn't make up a life together. He needed these moments more, where they could be warm and soft and silly and quiet together.
It was a more peaceful morning than any he'd had in recent memory. He set his plate on the coffee table when he was finished and figured they could wait to clean up when the show was over. He refused to hurry today. Admittedly, he spent almost as much time watching James as he did the tv, the fondness for him almost overwhelming. He reached for his hand when he was done eating just to hold it, thumb moving idly over his fingers, and he occasionally brushed a soft kiss against them.
When his food was gone, he was happy to follow his lead and set his plate on the coffee table. It was such a simple joy, to hold hands on the couch and watch cartoons and simply relax together. He shifted closer and swapped the hand in Grant's hold, sliding his arm around him so he could hold him.
A soft brush of a kiss to his temple was followed by a small smile tucked into his hair. It was such a small thing to make him so happy, make his heart so full. This was what he'd been missing for so long, some of those jagged edges smoothing out and making him feel less pained.
He shifted easily into that arm, happy to snuggle in against him. He pressed his face into his shirt and breathed him in. Everything about James felt like home, and this quiet happiness was something he wanted them to carry through all their days together. He wanted to always be a safe place for him.
He waited a little to pull away even when the show ended, too comfortable and happy to be in a rush about the dishes. They could always come back and spend the rest of the day here if they wanted to though, so eventually he brushed a kiss to his knuckles and started to untangle himself to clean up.
His hand carded through soft blonde hair as they cuddled on the couch, everything in him slowing and relaxing in a way that he never wanted to lose. This was a peace and a gentle happiness that he hoped Grant felt too. This was his safe place. Probably always would be.
They had all the time they wanted, no responsibility except what they put on themselves. The soft kiss to his knuckles was his cue and he helped untwine them. Â With the two of them, it was quick and easy work to clean up the dishes and get everything squared away. When they were done, he slid up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, pillowing his head against his shoulders. âWhat do you want to do, sweetheart?â
He couldn't help cuddling further into that touch in a clear yes, please pet me move. Even knowing they could have more of it didn't stop him from soaking up all that affection. A week didn't wipe out fifteen years of missing him. Even simple responsibilities like dishes were more pleasant with James there, everything easier with two sets of hands working at it.
He leaned back into him with a soft, contented sound, wrapping both arms over his. It made him melt every single time. "Anything. We can pick a movie or go back to bed. I might have a couple games somewhere." He was having trouble thinking of anything more to add to that list. He didn't spend a lot of time at home with other people. He knew James didn't need entertaining, and neither of them were up for anything that took too much effort.
He brushed soft kisses to his shoulder, his arms squeezing gently in affection. James loved it when he leaned into him and simply accepted his affection, letting him show how he felt without words or anything else. He hummed softly at the options presented, brushing his lips across the back of his neck softly as he thought.
A thought occurred to him and he smiled softly against his skin. Shifting his head, he tucked his chin on his shoulder so his lips were right next to his ear. "Would you read me our story?" The question was a soft murmur, his lips brushing against his ear as he voiced it.
Grant had pulled away from him once, and he'd regretted it enough to promise himself it would never happen again. It helped that he never actually wanted to. He loved all the easy affection between them, had been starving for it without even realizing what he was missing. It was a form of communication between them that he didn't want to do without.
That question just about melted his heart in his chest. He was more convinced all the time that James was the sweetest man on the planet. Certainly the sweetest he'd ever met. He reached up, brushing fingers through his hair. "Of course, baby. I'll read you anything you want." He turned his head, catching his lips in a soft, lingering kiss. He slid his hand into his and tugged him gently toward his office. He had copies of all his books in there along with a lot of others.
His eyes closed and he leaned into the brush of his fingers, obsessed with being pet by him and that sweet connection. The answer made him relax, happy to know he was going to get to hear it in Grant's voice and it would live in his head rent free. He kept his arms wrapped around his waist as he turned around and hummed soft and content into the kiss.
He tangled their fingers together gently and followed him along to his office. It was one of his favorite places, and mostly because there was so much Grant concentrated in one space. He smiled softly as they stepped in and he let him go so he could grab the book in question. When he had it, James held his hand back out, "Let's go read in bed."
There were few things Grant could imagine saying no to when it came to James. He wanted to give him everything, and so far that was as easy as breathing. It wasn't like he asked for much. The idea of sharing his stories was incredibly sweet, a part of his life that he was happy to share because it usually made him happy.
He picked out the book and a couple others, some his and some not, tucking them under his arm and sliding his hand back into his. He brought it to his lips and brushed a kiss over the back of it as they made their way back to the bed. He settled back against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of him, and held out an arm for him to snuggle in close.
He loved the idea of sharing something that was so personal to Grant, a part of himself he'd put on paper and given to the rest of the world because it meant enough to. He was selfish enough to want those stories in his voice, something most people wouldn't get and certainly not the way he would. It was like pouring more of him, of his love for him, into the cracks and sealing the aches and pains away of a life spent apart.
There was no hesitation as he slid onto the bed and immediately shifted to curl against the broad warmth of him. His head pillowed on his shoulder, forehead tucking into the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms around him. He pressed his face against him and took a slow, deep breath and immediately felt everything else drift away except Grant.
Grant always left parts of himself in his work, but none of them were quite as personal as this story. It wasn't the only one he'd written as well as illustrated, but it was the only one based on something real. And James was one of the realest things in his life, then and now.
He wrapped an arm around him, easily snuggling him in close. He'd be hard pressed to think of a more comforting thing than James cuddled up with him in bed. He pressed a few soft kisses into his hair and flipped the book open with his free hand.
He had a voice meant for reading out loud, from a handful of author readings but mostly from reading to his daughter every night, even before she was born. It was a small twinge in his chest that reading to her was the last time he'd read anything out loud, but it wasn't overwhelming. She already felt close to him today, a warmth over his heart where her name and her fairy were inked. He idly stroked fingers through his hair while he read.
The smooth cadence of his voice was a soothing balm that just drew him in. He was already captivated by the man, had been for most of his life, but this was different. It was easy to let the story take him back, to picture them both as they had been and lay it in his head alongside his illustrations. Occasionally, he'd lift a finger and brush it along the lines of the art as Grant read the page.
Occasionally, he would tip his head and brush soft kisses over his skin, including over the sweet tattoo that had become a favorite purely because of its source. Love. The best of it. His lips brushed along his jaw softly at one point, impressed by the cleverness of the man that had gotten better with age. It was easy to relax against him, almost drifting but too enthralled with the story and his voice to completely give in.
It made him smile to read this particular story to James of all people. It took him right back to that day, the first day they met. Even though the characters were cars, he'd done his best to capture the colors and the light the way it lived in his memory, trying not just to get what it looked like but how it felt.
The soft kisses were a comforting backdrop to the story. It wasn't one he'd been able to revisit often after it was finished because as strong as the need had been to draw it, it had also been painful. The book had a happy ending, the point where it deviated from real life into what Grant wished had happened. It was the first time he'd been able to read it all the way through and feel genuinely happy about it. Now they got a second chance at that ending. He closed the book when it was finished, brushing kisses against his hair.
He couldn't help that soft part of him that was glad that some younger set of them selves in some universe had gotten exactly what they had wanted. His throat tightened a little bit, but he was so happy with what they had now he didn't want to be sad about then. Taking the book, he set it carefully on the side table before curling back close.
"You're so clever," he murmured, his voice full of affection and softness. "I'm glad you wrote it, wrote them, happy," he told him, his hand sliding over his side. He tipped his head to look at him, smiling softly because he really just couldn't help how happy and relaxed he was.
He curled both arms around James, tucking him in close. He could understand feeling bittersweet about it. Until now, it had always been that way for him. In his mind, in some universe, there was a Grant and a James who never had to lose each other, where life didn't break them into pieces and they lived happily together, never knowing what it was like to live without the other.
"You might be a little partial," he murmured teasingly. He stroked a hand through his hair, gently comforting. "I wouldn't end it any other way. It's how I wish it would have happened." He smiled softly down at him when he tipped his head, leaning to brush a kiss over his lips. "If I'd written it like this, I'm not sure anyone would believe it. Even me."
"Mmmm, more than a little," he admitted, but he was beyond proud of him and didn't care. He deserved all the praise and more and James wanted to give it to him. The hand in his hair, wrapped up in his arms, their story replaying in the back of his mind in Grant's voice, it was all its own form of love that he was grateful to have again, even if that wasn't what either of them were ready to call it yet.
"Somehow, this does come across a little more magic, doesn't it?" The question was soft and teasing as he lifted a hand to brush through his hair before curling over his cheek. "I like both stories, for different reasons," he decided, pushing up to kiss him again.
He grinned, not minding the bias much when it was in his favor. He'd learned to gracefully accept praise for his work and even sometimes agreed with it, but hearing it from James, especially about that story which he so easily could have hated, was entirely its own thing. Grant might even learn to love that one now that they had a chance to rewrite their ending.
"Finding you again does feel like magic," he agreed softly. He didn't know how else to explain how they both wound up living in the same city, visiting the same coffee shop, both of them miraculously free to start a new relationship. So many things had to align perfectly for it to happen like this. "Let's write a better ending this time," he murmured, tipping his head to meet the kiss.
The agreement had him letting out a soft noise, his thumb stroking softly over his cheek as he studied that face. It wasn't quite the face he'd seen so long in his dreams, in photos, but it was better, somehow more devastatingly handsome than he'd already been. He couldn't argue against the existence of magic, and probably wouldn't ever again.
"I like that plan," he agreed softly as he shifted to settle himself on Grant's lap, never breaking the kiss. He pressed close because somehow it felt like he always wanted to be even closer to him, regardless. Writing a happily ever after sounded like something they could enjoy together.
He wrapped his arms around him, helping to pull him in closer. Close was never really close enough with him. Grant didn't think he'd ever have enough of any of this, and he didn't know if it was because they had fifteen years of missing each other to make up for if he'd always just been hopelessly addicted to him. Whatever it was, he didn't really want to break free.
He kept his kisses soft and sweet, bringing a hand up to brush along his cheekbone. He loved how soft they were able to be together. It was a side of himself he hadn't had much cause for lately, one he hadn't fully realized he was missing. James made him feel safe and wanted, all of him, and not just the convenient parts.
James didn't care why he wanted to be so close to him all the time. There was a depth of care and affection between them, breeding a hopeless addiction that he didn't want to be free of. He was content to fuel it, to curl close and hold him and be held. His arms slid around his shoulders as he sank into those kisses.
It was easy to drift away in the softness, something he hadn't known much of for years. It had re-entered his life with Alpine to a degree, but nothing quite like what he had discovered with Grant. He always wanted him to feel safe and wanted and happy with him, the most himself. "So sweet," he murmured softly against his lips.
He'd forgotten how another person could just feel like home, and how James had always felt like his. They'd both learned to live without so much, but he never wanted James to have to go without again. Grant always wanted to be there to take care of him, to give him whatever he needed.
His hands slid up his back, pressing him in warm and close. He thought he could quite happily hold him all day and not need anything else. "You are," he agreed, smiling into the kiss. "The sweetest." He curved a hand over his jaw and nipped gently at his bottom lip.
Grant was everything he thought of when he thought of home, everything he wanted at the beginning and end of his days, everything in the middle. Sinking against him, relaxing and breathing him in, it was everything to him. His fingers drifted through the hair at the back of his head, just another point of contact that gave him comfort.
He hummed against his lips before his breath hitched at the nip. "Trouble," he laughed softly when it was turned around on him, his hands curling firmly into his hair. He brushed his lips over his softly before nipping lightly at his bottom lip in return.
He echoed the soft laugh, not at all repentant. "Not sorry," he admitted, soothing it with another soft kiss, his hand sliding into the hair at the back of his head. "You taste so good." He was so unbelievably sweet, all the way through.
Turning it back on him was totally fair, and he couldn't help another soft laugh. "If you're trying to get me to regret it, it's not working," he teased. His hand slid low on his back, urging him in closer as he caught him in another kiss, sweet and happy with just a little more heat.
"Don't have to be," he murmured, shivering lightly under his hands and lips. "Do I? Might need a better taste, just to make sure you're not crazy," he suggested slyly, his thumbs stroking lightly over the back of his neck. He couldn't help but tempt him, want his hands on him, to kiss him.
He loved teasing him, enjoying each other like this in all the soft, silly ways as well as the deeper, needier ones. Shifting closer with that hand, he wrapped his legs around him completely so they were pressed entirely together. The gentle heat in that kiss made him sigh softly and roll against him lightly.
Grant hummed happily, chasing his lips. "You're right. Better to be sure," he agreed. It had crossed his mind that he was completely bonkers and making all of this up, but he didn't need it as motivation to want to kiss him. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, nibbling gently at it and giving a soft, playful tug with his teeth.
He couldn't help the soft sound he made at the gentle roll of his hips. His hands tightened on him, mostly to keep them from wandering. He was trying to behave himself and not deepen that kiss into something more than the soft playfulness they had established. But, also, James's legs were wrapped around him, so no promises. "Definitely the sweetest," he murmured against his lips.
He laughed softly at the silly tug in the kiss, his hands sliding up into his hair to give it a playful tug. He ran his tongue along his lip, picking up the taste of Grant and feeling the divots from teeth already smoothing out. "Oh good," he smiled at the idea of being kissed more.
Soft playfulness didn't preclude anything else happening, not really. His tongue slid to repeat the same against Grant's bottom lip before nibbling lightly on it. "I don't know... you're pretty sweet yourself," he murmured, limbs tightening gently around him.
He could think of few things better than being able to laugh and be silly with James, in bed or otherwise. He hadn't felt this light in a long time. He watched his tongue dart across his lips with a pleased smile and maybe a little too much interest.
He leaned forward to catch his lips again, sighing softly into his mouth when he repeated the move. "So good," he murmured against his lips. He stopped fighting himself and let his hands slide to the curves of his ass, lifting him slightly into a better position for kissing.
Catching the heated interest, he smiled slowly to himself as he was kissed again. He groaned softly at the feeling of his hands but greatly approved of the position shift. His legs moved so he was on his knees, them tucked alongside Grant's hips so he stayed close but he didn't have to actively hold him up. His mind still short-circuited when he thought about the move in the shower and he shivered at the memory.
"I can be better," he promised, his voice soft and dark against his lips before he kissed him deeply. This man had a way of making him just want all the time, a single word, a single look was all it took. He didn't mind it at all, he actually reveled in it a little, that he could feel like that again.
That slow smile sent a thread of heat through him, and he felt an answering one on his lips as he pulled him in close, his hands sliding to the warm skin of his back. "Oh, I know," he purred, the heat in his voice sending a shiver through him as he tipped his head to meet that kiss. Every memory of the past twenty-four hours and all the ways that James was so, so good ran through his mind.
He gripped his shirt in both hands, laughing softly as he kissed along his jaw. "God, you make me feel like I'm nineteen again. I swear my control was better than this before you." He'd at least had something resembling control. It was nowhere in evidence lately, and he wasn't even sorry about it.
Molten heat slid down his spine at that purr, his body instinctively reacting like he was already accustomed to it. There was no way he could not respond to it, to him. Grant was so good to him and he wanted to be good for him in return in this, knew he could be and was.
His head tipped to give him room, a soft groan escaping him. âAt nineteen we didnât have the stamina,â he teased with a husky laugh. His hands slid over his skin under his shirt as he arched close. âI think I like you without the control,â he murmured as he shifted in invitation.
He couldn't imagine anyone being better for him than James was. He didn't have anything to prove there. He was already falling fast for him. If he got any better, Grant wasn't going to stand a chance. He was pretty sure he already didn't. "Very true," he agreed, his voice low with all the possibilities for putting that stamina to good use.
He left a trail of soft kisses and nips along his jaw, hands sliding over his back as he arched into him. He moaned softly at those words, gently scraping his teeth over the corner of his jaw below his ear. "That's good because I'm all yours." He nipped lightly at his ear.
James didn't have a chance in keeping his heart, not in this. It was already mostly, if not all the way, in Grant's hands and he knew it. It should bother him, but he couldn't bring himself to care about the speed of it. The only one whose opinion on that mattered was the man underneath him and his own. He shivered at his voice, his teeth scraping lightly in an effort to keep his noise to himself.
He ran his hands over his stomach lightly, feeling the muscles bunch and release and letting out a noise of approval. His head tipped into those lips and teeth, encouraging him to continue. His breath hitched at those words and he moaned softly. "Just like I'm yours, so all's fair," heh murmured against his ear, nipping lightly.
Grant was trying hard to be careful with him, knowing how easy it would be for them to hurt each other. Breaking James's heart was the last thing he wanted to do. They felt very far from that right now though and, honestly, most of the time they were together that was true. He knew from an outside perspective this was fast, but his heart didn't care. It had wanted James from the moment he saw him in the coffee shop.
He couldn't help arching a little into that touch, loving his hands on him. He sucked gently on his neck, running his tongue over the mark he'd left earlier and pressing a soft kiss to it. He hummed happily, running a hand along his thigh. "Good, I'll take all of you."
James didn't particularly want careful, he wanted real. They wouldn't make it through a real relationship without some hurt, some bumps and bruises, and he knew it. But he trusted Grant to not break his heart. The moment he had seen him in that coffee shop, he knew that he was done for.
He shivered, his body threatening to turn into a puddle. He loved having his marks on him, didn't care what anyone thought about it, either. "All of me, huh?" He smirked cheekily against his skin, unable to help himself.
He knew they wouldn't get through this without mistakes. Being hurt was part of life, and they both brought plenty of that into the relationship without any help from the other. He thought as long as they kept talking to each other, even when things hurt, they would be alright. Grant knew he couldn't stand to be alone in a relationship ever again.
A warm chuckle slipped out at the question. That hadn't been where his mind was when he said it, but it wasn't inaccurate. "Every." He brushed his lips against his neck, his voice getting lower with each word. "Last." A quick flick of his tongue. "Inch." A soft nip of teeth. "Of you."
James couldn't imagine ever leaving Grant to deal with something on his own as long as they were together. Over the years, he had gotten very good at being there for the people who mattered the most. That, he knew, was a direct result of being able to do nothing to be with or there for Grant after his family had moved. Talking about his own problems had taken much, much longer, and he was in fact still working on it, but he'd do with Grant in a heartbeat if it meant staying together this time.
He liked the sound of that chuckle and wondered if he could get him to do it again, but was quickly distracted from that idea. A ragged groan escaped him, his head dropping back for a moment and his hands sliding up to his chest. Molten heat slid down his spine and he shivered, "Fuck, baby."
He wanted to get to a point where James was comfortable sharing that kind of thing with him. They'd touched on the subject, but he figured problems would make themselves known in their own time, and they would handle it then. They both seemed too happy and relaxed today to get into the heavy stuff on purpose.
That reaction sent a shiver through him, and he happily took advantage of the space, cradling his head with one hand as he kissed his neck. "If you want," he laughed softly, his hand tightening on his thigh. James was so much fun to play with, but Grant never would have teased him like that if he didn't mean to follow through. He could have whatever he wanted from him.
He always enjoyed when Grant took full advantage of the space he offered him. He wanted him close, always, and it was addicting to have him take care of him. He gave in to the sweet slide of heat and pressed close, his hands sliding over his shoulders and into his hair.
James didn't mind being played with, at all, actually enjoyed it. "I don't ever not want you," he informed him with a small hum. The only part of the idea he didn't like was moving, since he was quite happy where he was.
He wrapped his arms around him, tucking his face into his neck and pulling him tight against him. He liked having him as close as he could get him, the front of his body a solid line of warmth against his, and it had way more to do with comfort than anything else.
"We have time for everything, baby." He smiled against his skin, in no particular hurry to move either. Kissing and flirting were entirely their own ends sometimes, and he'd be just as happy to keep snuggling and laughing together. That was everything. This was what he wanted their whole life together to look like.
His arms wrapped around his shoulders and he curled close, pressing his face into Grant's hair with a content sigh. This was comfort and home and peace more than anything else. He couldn't imagine not being able to do this now that he had it.
"I know we do," he murmured softly, his contentment in his voice and on his face. He just liked being able to touch him, to be touched in return, more than anything. His hand drifted through his hair in soft pets while he pressed light kisses to his hair. This was what a happy life felt like, and he hoped that he felt the same way.
Grant was readjusting pretty much every plan he'd ever made to account for James in his life now, and he was including lots and lots of this. Lazy days and snuggles and silliness and sweettalk and anything else that they wanted. More happiness than they knew what to do with, just like he'd promised.
He gently nuzzled his face into his hair and let himself sink into the contentment, not that familiar to him lately but rapidly becoming an addiction. The certainty in his voice filled him with happiness because he wanted James to be that sure of their life together. His hands stroked gently over his back, content just to hold him and be held.
James had never made many plans for his life, had never had a reason to for the last decade, easy. But now, he found himself wanting to: to have plans with Grant, to have all the days like this they wanted and everything else they hoped for.
There wasnât much that he was sure of outside of his skills, but he had quickly become sure of Grant. His fingers carded softly through his hair, the other hand trailing gently over his shoulders. âIâm so grateful for you,â he murmured quietly into his hair.
Most of Grant's plans for his life had failed pretty spectacularly, and he'd thought he was done with that. He'd gotten comfortable taking things as they happened and letting it be enough just to get through the day or the week. It felt a little dangerous to have that much hope again, but he also knew he wouldn't have it any other way with James.
Those words were a gentle warmth in his chest. James always said the sweetest things, but they meant more because Grant knew he meant every one of them. "Oh sweetheart, me too," he murmured, pressing soft kisses against his hair.
Grant made him want to just sink into him, to curl close and be cuddled, to soak in the sweet affection he so easily offered him. James didn't know much about how to be sweet these days, he simply knew honest. His affection for his partner simply made him want to be soft in a way he hadn't experienced in a very long time. His world hadn't had a lot of room for softness after he'd lost Grant the first time.
He sat up just enough to let his eyes drift over his face, stormy blue and full of everything he felt for him. His throat closed up with all the things he knew he shouldn't say yet and he simply leaned in to kiss him softly, lingering over it.
He didn't see why they couldn't do exactly that. If they wanted to spend the day cuddled up together, that was entirely their business. There had always been a softness to Grant. He was the guy who teared up at sentimental commercials, the one you called in the middle of the night when you needed someone to talk to, the one who left notes or brought home flowers and couldn't walk by a dog or a kid without smiling. He could take James's softness and make a safe place for it.
His breath caught at the look on his face, answering emotion rising in his chest. He didn't know what to do when James looked at him like that, like he was someone he loved. Grant had already caught himself half a dozen times with those words on his lips. He knew it was too soon. Real love was built over time. But there should be more words for different kinds of love. There should be a word for knowing that you're going to love someone. He closed his eyes against the soft, lingering kiss and let it say what he didn't have words for.
He didn't think that what he felt was wrong, or even too fast. But what he felt was hard to name, and that made it dangerous because it was too easy to call it love despite the real thing taking time. He did know that it was on its way to it, but he didn't want to rush or ruin something so precious to him. Loving Grant was the easiest thing he would ever do, had ever done.
A soft sound escaped him at the answering emotion in their kiss. The words were hard to place, but this? This wasn't. This affection, the exchange of honest emotion, was the simplest, sweetest thing in his world. He knew he could put all the softest parts of himself into Grant's keeping, and that included his heart, and they would be safe and cared for.
You donât need another human being to make your life complete, but letâs be honest. Having you wounds kissed by someone who doesnât see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world.
on the gif page located in the source link below youâll find 472 gifs of Chris Evans in Before We Go. These gifs were made by me for my babe @illicltaffairsâ for roleplaying purposes but feel free to use them if you wish just like or reblog this post! Â if you include them in gif hunts, crackships, gif icons, please give credit and tag @glitterandwhateverâ
âPerhaps. Thereâs also a lot to be said for just absorbing what you learn and discarding what doesnât fit from your day-to-day life. I donât know if I could live under a banner of healthy skepticism. Maybe a banner of âoops, thatâs not what I meant to do and now Iâm not repeating it.â But thatâs too long to mention as a life philosophy.â By the end, it was more of a distracted musing than outright talking to him.Â
She offered him a closed-mouth smile at his words of comfort.  âYeah, thatâs true. Part of me feels like Iâve been in a perpetual cycle of grieving since I was sixteen and, you know, maybe now is the time to stop repeating old habits.â She bit her lip.  âAt least the potential boyfriend right now is way different from that other one. But itâs freaking me out because heâs, like, a man. Heâs a single dad, so whatever we do is guaranteed to be serious because heâs not really in that casual time of life where you can just fuck someone and be in a different country by sunrise.â Â
She accepted his phone and, with probably way less caution than she shouldâve had considering all the epic overshares, she typed her number in and then sent herself a text. She may have listed her name as âNavelGazing Extrovertâ in his phone, complete with the rolling eyes emoji, but details. âI will. Thank you for this.â Â
.
"Is there such thing as a short philosophical discussion?" He smiled, not minding a little out-loud musing. The conversation was already strange and funny and heavy and deep, so they didn't have a lot to lose at this point. The smile turned sad, but perpetual grieving sounded all too familiar. Maybe he hadn't been at it quite that long, but there were losses he'd carry for the rest of his life. "Some grief never really ends."
He chuckled softly at her description. The teasing part of him wanted to ask what the other options were, but he understood what she meant even if he wouldn't have put it in those words. "It's always more complicated with kids. And it's probably good that it's freaking you out. I'd be more worried if you didn't take it seriously." That didn't mean it would be something she wanted in her life, but that was for her to decide. Grant would give a lot for dating as a single dad to be his biggest problem.
He grinned at the name and pocketed his phone. "I'm afraid to ask what you're saving mine under." No good words came to mind for weird stranger who invited himself into her problems. "Glad I could help." It didn't solve every problem, but sometimes just having someone around to shoulder some of the burden--or lift the heavy boxes--was enough.
[ đș ] what is your museâs relationship with their parents? are there specific things they like/dislike about them?
Grant grew up reasonably close with both his parents. He got a love for baseball and boxing from his father and a love for art from his mother. They expected him to do well and encouraged him to pursue what he loved, but he doesn't share their interest in putting on a good show for the rest of the world. In hindsight, he can see that there are things about him they just don't understand: his relationship with James, the divorce with Anna, his refusal to move back to Boston after they separated. Since more than half of those are purely about how it looks to the rest of the world, he's not willing to compromise on them. (He also knows, having been a parent himself now, that he wouldn't put any such conditions on his love for his kids.) He wouldn't call the relationship strained, but they mainly only see each other on holidays or the occasional visit.
[ đšâđ€ ] would your muse define themselves as rebellious or by-the-book? what are they, actually?
Nah, he played most of his life by the book and never saw the point in rebellion for its own sake. He does have a tendency to just quietly do things his own way though, whatever other people have to say about it.
[ đłïžâđ ] how does your museâs sexuality and gender identity impact their life? do you have any specific headcanons about it?
He didn't have any major realizations about being bisexual. It was just a vague feeling that solidified once he reached dating age, and he's been pretty comfortable with it ever since. If other people aren't as comfortable with it, those probably aren't people he needs in his life.
[ đ§ââïž ] is there anyone that isnât part of your museâs blood family that they consider family? what is their relationship with that person or those people like?
He considers his partner, James, to be family, and it's possible someday they will be, although they haven't discussed it this early in their relationship. There's no one he's closer to or cares about more though, and James is the only person he trusts with everything.
[ đšâđ« ] how much does your muse care about image? how would they react if something personal got leaked about them?
Grant cares about his professional image to an extent, but he's not the kind of person who's very different at home than he is in the world. He doesn't spread his personal life far and wide, but he could probably brush it off if something got leaked. There isn't much he feels like he needs to hide; it's just a matter of whether it's everyone else's business or not. (It's usually not.)
[ đ ] is your muse a pushover, or do they tend to stand up for themselves?
He can be assertive if he needs to, but he's willing to let most things go, especially if it seems to matter more to other people than it does to him. He'd rather be taken advantage of than be unkind because he's the one who has to live with himself if he's not. He'd be quicker to come to someone else's defense before his own.
[ đȘ ] what was your museâs childhood like? how did their upbringing affect them?
For the most part, his childhood was happy and secure. His parents had expectations for him, but Grant usually didn't have trouble meeting those. They're still on good terms, but he mostly only sees them on holidays or the occasional visit.
[ đș ] does your muse have trouble relying on others? why or why not?
103% yes. He was always the kind of person to keep it to himself when he was struggling, and it only got worse as he got older. The last couple years of his marriage were together but alone, and he got used to relying on himself for everything. He recognizes that it's not a healthy way to live though, and he's working on it before it can ruin another relationship.
[ đ€Ș ] what is your museâs sense of humour like? are they known for being joking, or serious?
He's gotten more serious with age, but there's still a sense of humor in there that comes out with the right company. It's a little self-deprecating, a little teasing, and occasionally a little dirty (with the right person). Being able to laugh and be silly with his partner was one of the reasons he fell for James, before and now.
He's fully capable of dressing professionally for work and knows what looks decent on him, but at home it's mostly jeans and t-shirts (and stealing James's snuggly sweaters). He has a number of tattoos he designed himself, most of them easily hidden by clothing, including the blonde, smiling fairy he drew for his daughter over his heart.
[ đ§ ] is there something your muse canât live down, no matter how hard they try? what is it? if not, is there something your muse has said or done that embarrasses them?
He's pretty much to the point in his life where all epic past mistakes have been squared away, and there's not much left that embarrasses him. Occasionally James can get a blush out of him, but he happens to be very charming when he puts his mind to it.
[ đ§ ] is there something your muse canât live down, no matter how hard they try? what is it? if not, is there something your muse has said or done that embarrasses them?
He's pretty much to the point in his life where all epic past mistakes have been squared away, and there's not much left that embarrasses him. Occasionally James can get a blush out of him, but he happens to be very charming when he puts his mind to it.
[ đ¶ ] is your muse good with kids, or do they prefer to avoid them?
Grant loves kids and adored being a dad, and he can usually be around them without too much emotional fallout now. Much as a part of him would love another chance at family life, he would have to think long and hard about wanting to be a parent again.
[ đ ] does your muse like to prank others? do they do so often?
Not really his style, and there's certainly no one now that he has that kind of relationship with. There's a playful side there, but it's way overbalanced by sincerity. He's more likely to plot out a sweet gesture than a prank.
tw: literally everything, weâre the worst. child/parent death, cancer, war, violence, severe injury, hospitals, surgery, amputation mention, ptsd, panic/anxiety attacks, depression, grief, therapy, insomnia, nightmares, negative thoughts, divorce, pretending like they haven't already caught feelings
James wouldn't protest being tucked into blankets and snuggled by Grant just then, or at any point through their relationship, really. It helped that just being in his space was relaxing for him and it took some of the weight of the week away. The invitation made him smile and he slowly made his way through the apartment, pausing to look at art on the walls with a tip of his head. He enjoyed the sight of all the books on the shelves and the fact that everything was actually lived-in.
The sight of the office made him smile, and it told him that was where Grant truly lived but that was hardly surprising to him. Coming back to him, he slid his arms around his waist just to let himself hold him for a moment. "I like it," he told him easily, and that was the simple truth of it. "Did you get what you needed to done for your trip?"
--
The office was the kind of chaos where he knew where to find everything, but the organizational system probably wouldn't make sense to anyone outside his head. It was also the only place he had any photographs, a framed one of his parents and another of him and May. There was little else about the past he wanted to be reminded of on a daily basis, but he liked the idea of having a more recent one of James if the opportunity happened to present itself.
He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and relaxed into him, skimming his lips lightly over the corner of his jaw because he really could not be trusted to behave himself. "Good. I hope you'll be here a lot. Whenever you want," he said softly. He liked having date nights with him, but he also just wanted him around whenever he had free time or didn't feel like being alone. "Yeah, I'm all set. It'll be mostly meetings." He didn't leave a lot of room for anything else in two days. He hadn't yet gotten to the point where he did more than tolerate New York City while he was there. Eventually, he hoped he'd enjoy it again. It was a beautiful city. "Do you have any plans?"
--
He tipped his head to give him plenty of room because that was something he had absolutely no reason to deny him when he wanted it too. It was the sort of thing that was addicting and he was wholly alright with it. "You would never get rid of me," he murmured, his hands sliding over his back purely to touch. "My favorite person in a comfortable place that I'd be all too happy to spend time in?" And he wouldn't have to be alone with his thoughts, he'd have someone to share them with that could understand.
Angling his head, he brushed his lips softly across his cheek and temple, resting with his lips there for a moment of affection. "Meetings are awful, but they have to happen, I guess," he teased lightly when he finally pulled back just enough to look at him. "Well, I took a personal day tomorrow, so I get a long weekend, and I'm going to try and sleep," he admitted softly. "But otherwise, not really. The brat has a grooming appointment Saturday, and that's it."
--
That silent invitation was too good to pass up, and he pressed his lips more firmly against the corner of his jaw. He forced himself to limit it to a single kiss or he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop himself. He tipped his face into his neck instead and breathed him in, his arms tightening a little around him. "I don't want to get rid of you. I want you here with me, where I know you're safe and happy." Admitting that kind of weakness to anyone else would have at least given him pause, but it felt safe with James. If he didn't already know how captivated he was by him, it wasn't going to be a secret for long.
"An unfortunate part of life," he agreed with a smile. It wasn't one of his favorite parts of his job, but he usually enjoyed the collaboration that came out of it. It depended on the writer, of course, but his experiences were more good than bad. "Good, I hope it helps," he murmured. He worried about him not sleeping, but in the way he knew he couldn't do anything about it but be there for him, the same way James probably worried about him in the past couple days.
--
He shivered lightly, quietly delighted by the firmer press of lips he was gifted. One hand slid up to drift into the short, soft hair at the back of his head and wrap him tight and close. "I want to be here with you, too," he admitted softly into his hair. "I don't mind being here just for company, whenever you might want." He knew that he would always want to be right here, but he never wanted to intrude on his sanctuary and solitude if it was what he wanted.
"I'll send you ridiculous pictures," he decided with a little laugh, thinking it was the absolute least he could do. His nails scratched lightly though his hair as he considered his weekend with a soft hum. "Normally does. This doesn't usually last too long," he reassured him. Lifting his head, he tucked a finger under his chin to lift his face so he could kiss him lightly. "I'll be alright," he reassured him.
--
"Whenever you want, too," he agreed. He wasn't sure he'd ever not be aware of James in his space, but he thought they'd get to a point where he wasn't so aware of it that he couldn't do anything else. It wouldn't be hard for him to shift his working hours around James's schedule so their free time matched up a little better than just dinners or the occasional day off. He pressed lips against the soft skin of his neck and lifted his head before he could be tempted to do more.
"I'll send you some too." He smiled. That would be easier now that he felt mostly human again, and there was always plenty to photograph in the city. He usually took pictures for reference rather than fun, but he thought he could get into the habit now that he had someone to send them to. He shivered lightly under his nails and tried not to let it distract him. "Okay." He nodded, trusting him to let him know when he wasn't alright. He tipped his head to meet the soft kiss, fingers lightly stroking the back of his neck.
--
"Tell you what," he paused for a moment, brushing his lips softly as he thought, "if you're ever not in the mood for company, just tell me that. Otherwise, I don't mind spending my free time here with you. And if I am just not, I'll do the same." He couldn't imagine not wanting to be with Grant, even on his worst days, but the offer deserved to be there, going both ways.
"I'd like that," he admitted, knowing it would make him smile. He didn't even care if Grant just chose to share his reference photos. It was him choosing to share part of his life with him. The soft touch to the back of his neck drew a quiet sound out of him. His brain reminded him that they had plans, but then another part reminded him that they hadn't started yet. His fingers slid firmly along his jaw and he slid them into a firm kiss, shifting closer so their bodies were a solid line of heat.
--
He couldn't help a smile at the easy way he had of leaving him an out. Grant wasn't sure he needed one, but it was nice that they both had it. Even on the days like the ones this week, he didn't really want solitude from James. He was easy to be around; his company didn't take anything from him like most people did. He didn't know why James would want to be around him when he was like that, but that wasn't his choice to make. "That's perfect," he murmured.
The trip already sounded better knowing that he had an excuse to contact him while he was away. That soft sound had him pressing in closer even as the hand at his jaw became firmer. His own hand slid further into his hair as he kissed him, and it was all he could do not to completely melt into him. He was only too happy to be distracted from their dinner plans for the moment, glad to know that James was as affected as he was.
--
There was no part of Grant's life that he didn't want to be a part of, the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything that came with it. He wanted him to know that he had someone on those days where all the world was grey and muted, that wanted nothing more than to be there in support and care. For fifteen years, he hadn't wanted anyone else there, didn't think it was fair to ask someone to be. Grant was different, always had been.
He didn't think there was any way James would ever be unaffected by Grant, and definitely not when he was wrapped up in him and being kissed that way. He absolutely melted into him, unable to help himself or keep him from knowing exactly how affected he was by him.
--
He wanted to be there for James on those days too, for the insomnia and the nightmares and the gray days when it didn't seem worth it to drag himself out of bed. Grant knew he couldn't fix any of that for him. It didn't work like that, not even when you loved someone, but he could be there for it, and that was more than either of them had ever had with someone else.
James's body molded to his like it was meant to fit there, and he still wanted him closer. His lips parted and he deepened the kiss, momentarily forgetting all about dinner or the fact that they'd decided to take this slow. This was exactly the reason kissing him was so dangerous. He'd known the moment he did, he'd promptly lose all his reasoning ability.
--
Closer, always closer, it's all he ever wanted to be when it came to Grant. He made it easy to forget all the promises he had made to himself to take everything slow, to do right by him during this new chance they'd been given. He was so much of the good and bright in his world already, always had been. It was even better now, and he couldn't help but wonder if the darkness they'd lived through separately contributed to that.
He let himself sink against him, sink into the kiss, a quiet groan escaping him against his lips. Slowly, he pulled himself out of the kiss, softly brushing his lips over his while he caught his breath. "Dinner, supposed to have dinner," he reminded himself out loud, his hand soothing through Grant's hair.
--
Grant had no intention of abandoning those promises, and he knew that James didn't either. But there had always been a ticking clock on how long they would be able to keep up any sort of physical distance. As impossible as it sounded, James had gotten even more gorgeous in the time they were apart, which was both amazing and completely unfair.
He'd wanted to kiss him since he saw him in the coffee shop, for the past fifteen years, since the last time he'd kissed him like this. Either his memory didn't do it justice, or it was better than he remembered. He thought it might be the second one, since everything about James was better than he remembered. He was breathless by the time he pulled away and grateful that at least one of them could be trusted to keep his head. "Dinner," he agreed. He stole another soft kiss before he moved away, already missing the warmth of his body.
--
Grant was heartbreakingly beautiful, always had been, but is was even more so now. Growing up, years and life, had done him a lot of good, both of them actually. It had been hard to keep his distance, but entirely worth it to get to this. It was so much better than he remembered, better than he had hoped.
As they separated, he ran his hands down his back softly and tried not to whine at the loss of warmth. Instead, he ran a hand over his arm and gave him a soft smile at the soft kiss. "What are we having?"
--
Everything about him from his soft smile to the hands warm on his back through the thin cotton of his shirt made him want to close that distance again. There was fifteen years of longing packed carefully away and now threatening to overwhelm him. Only the fact that he'd been dealing with it for so long and he wanted to do this right made it possible to keep moving back until it was just James's hand on his arm, his hand sliding into his.
He brought his fingertips to his lips and kissed them and then tugged him gently toward the kitchen. It was usually stocked for a handful of basic meals, and he hadn't had anything in particular in mind for tonight. "I have the stuff for spaghetti, stir fry, tacos." Or anything else that took similar ingredients. Grant tended to stick to the basics, but he was willing to learn from him. "What sounds good?"
--
James let out a soft sigh of contentment as their hands wound together just in time for his breath to catch at the soft kiss. He didn't think he would ever stop reacting that way to the soft moments of affection. Following that tug, he knew he would follow anywhere Grant led him, to the kitchen and farther.
He pondered the options presented and let out a thoughtful hum, his thumb stroking along the side of his hand. "Let's do tacos," he decided, "We had pasta at my house." It didn't mean much, since he could eat it all the time, but that was beside the point. "How can I help?"
--
He half-wondered who they thought they were kidding by taking it slow. He already couldn't stand to let him go long enough to move across a room. There wasn't even a voice in his head telling him he was too attached because the voice didn't bother to state something that obvious. The only time distance from James had ever felt like a possibility was when life forced it on them, and even then it felt terrible and wrong.
He didn't have a problem with pasta multiple times a week either, but it was nice to mix it up. "Is chicken okay? I don't do a lot of red meat. Maybe for grilling." It wasn't even a health thing so much as that he just wasn't that fond of it and never had been. He gave his hand a light squeeze before pulling away to start gathering ingredients. "There are pans in that cupboard. And then pick some music?" He could work all day without it, too far in his head to notice much outside of it, but as soon as he was doing other tasks, he preferred to have background noise.
--
James hated it every time they had to separate, that deep seated fear that it would be permanent rising up to choke him. Clinically, he knew the attachment was too strong too fast, but emotionally, he didn't care. They had lost enough time together that he was far more invested in the emotional response for himself.
He smiled softly and nodded in agreement, "Chicken is good. I'll keep that in mind." It was an easy mental adjustment for him to make for Grant's comfort, and he'd make plenty more before it was all said and done. Stepping away, he went to pull out thee pans they needed and take them to him at the stove. "Music is a good idea," he mused, actually pulling up his phone for a playlist he regularly added to and had added quite a lot to in the last few days.
--
He wouldn't know where to begin trying to slow this down even if he'd wanted to. In theory, he supposed they could spend less time together. In practice, he didn't see what difference it would make. The emotional attachment was already long-established, and apparently time hadn't affected it much. What was left was figuring out how they fit into each other's lives now, and more space wasn't going to help with that.
"It's not a big deal." He didn't consider it a rule so much as a habit he'd picked up at home. He set the chicken to cooking and started on the vegetables, leaving room for James to join him if he wanted to. The song he chose made him smile. He had playlists for everything too, and his taste was sort of all over the place, not going too far into any one genre but picking up a little from a lot of different ones.
--
He wanted stable places for them in each others' lives, an ease of shared space and time. That wasn't going to come with space, but with time together, and that wasn't going to help them slow down much. He would have to be active about slow, and he didn't know if he was going to be any good at it.
"Doesn't matter. I'm going to remember it anyway," he pointed out with a charming smile. He wanted to know Grant's preferences, the things that made him happy, all the small and large things. After the music started, he settled in next to him to help him with the vegetables, a comfortable line of heat against his side. His music slid between various genres, mostly just things he liked and songs that meant something.
--
Grant was almost positive he wasn't going to be good at slowing things down. That was unusual for him in everything except James, apparently. He took time to think things through, and he usually didn't make a move he wasn't reasonably sure about. But for whatever reason, he'd been sure about James the first time they met, and he was sure about him now. He didn't need more time to think about whether he wanted to be with him, just in how they were going to make that happen in a way that was good for both of them.
"It seems you can't be stopped." He ceded the point with a small grin and a hint of teasing. He wasn't going to argue what was basically James being sweet, even if it wasn't wholly necessary. It was nicer than he could have imagined having him in his kitchen, the warmth and steadiness of him beside him a welcome change. A few songs passed, most of them from different genres or decades. He couldn't pick out a common thread among them, but there was nothing he didn't enjoy so far. "Is this stuff you like lately, or is there a theme?"
--
"Absolutely not," he laughed and bumped him lightly, enjoying the comfortable atmosphere that settled between them and how relaxed Grant was. "You know I want to know everything, right? The little things you prefer or don't like at all, everything," he pointed out gently. His hand brushed over his forearm and he gave him a little smile.
The question made him flush lightly and clear his throat. "Ah, it's um... important events and people... songs that make me think of them, and also that I think the people will like," he explained carefully. There was a lot on that playlist that was Grant and Grant-centric, had been in every format the list had been in. It wasn't all happy, couldn't be, but that was life.
--
"Alright. I hate raw onions, mustard, and pineapple on pizza. Love potatoes, all kinds. Can't even think of a way to mess that up," he laughed softly, nudging him back. It was rare to find someone who actually cared about all the small details of his life. It felt strange to share them, but it was the kind of strange he thought he could get used to. He wanted them to know each other. "I want to know everything about you too. Whatever you want to share."
It was unusual to see James flustered by a question. He wasn't sure exactly what about that one had made him go awkward and careful. "That sounds nice," he said honestly. Everyone who made playlists had them about people. He had one for James, even if it didn't have his name on it. Songs they'd listened to together or ones that reminded Grant of him after they'd parted. It was one of few ways he'd allowed himself to hold on, allowed perhaps because he never called it what it was.
He had more questions about it, but not at the expense of James's comfort, so he let the subject drop. When a familiar song from the time they were dating came up, he thought he had a partial answer anyway. Maybe it had other associations for him now, but the song had been everywhere that summer. Even if you didn't like it, you couldn't help but hear it wherever you went. He didn't say anything, but he reached out, lightly squeezing his arm.
--
âPineapple should never go on pizza,â he agreed with a laugh, glad they wouldnât have to do that. It was the little things that made the difference in day to day life. Grabbing someoneâs favorite something just because you saw it and thought of them could change their whole day around. He wanted to be able to do that for him, to remember the small things that made him smile. âI hate raw onions too, love mustard but hate mayonnaise. I like dark chocolate, but not white chocolate. Itâs not even real chocolate,â he chuckled.
âIt was something I started when I first started going to counseling,â he admitted. This particular playlist was like a record of everything he had ever discussed in therapy. He had others, specific ones for people, for certain moods, but this was still his go to option. Self-torment and happiness all wrapped in a single playlist. Some of that self torment wasnât attached anymore, Â not to the level it once was, at least.
One of the songs of one of their summers together played and he smiled softly to himself. Rose gold memories flitted through his brain and he looked over at the soft touch to his arm. Leaning over, he gave him a soft kiss. âThereâs a lot of you on it,â he admitted softly, âBut⊠you have your own, if you ever wanted to listen.â
--
"Glad we agree on that," he laughed softly. Not that pineapple on pizza was any sort of deal-breaker. It made him smile to hear the small details he thought important enough to mention, and he made an effort to commit them to memory. Eventually, that would be the kind of thing they'd know without having to think about it, but he wanted to remember now. "Fair enough. No particular feelings on chocolate, except that coconut shouldn't be in it."
Music and therapy was an interesting combination. Not things he'd ever personally linked, but he could see why it would work. "Does it help?" It made him a little sad to know he was one of the things James needed to work out in therapy, but it wasn't exactly a surprise. Talking about it was probably healthier than what Grant had done, which was to compartmentalize that part of his life as hard as he could. He leaned into the soft kiss, lifting a hand to brush through his hair. "So do you," he murmured. "We can trade sometime."
--
He liked learning the random tidbits of information, adding them to the mental file. It helped remind him that this was real, they were together again in a way he had given up on a long time ago. They had a long way to go to learn who they both were now, but he was looking forward to it. It was a new adventure despite how comfortable they already were with each other. History could do that.
He thought about it, a soft hum escaping him, because the only person who had ever asked him about it had been his therapist and that had been the original one back in active duty. âIt can,â he said carefully, âSometimes when it dredges up a memory, itâs not always a happy one. Most of them Iâve worked through enough that it doesnât drag me down. There are a few, though.â
He leaned into that touch, his hand coming up to curl around his wrist because he really loved that soft contact. âIâd like that a lot,â he decided. Sometimes it was just easier to say a lot that way, with words and pictures instead of words. He wasnât quite as good with them as he used to be all the time.
--
"Music is like that," he agreed softly. Good or bad, it could put him right back in a memory. It was part of the reason he had a James playlist when he didn't have photos out or hadn't allowed the subject to come up outside of therapy for over a decade. Short of cutting all music out of his life, which even Grant realized was unreasonable, there was no shutting that out. There were some songs, on some days, that he just couldn't hear, but most of the time it was one of few acceptable reminders of the past, bittersweet as it might be. "Skip something if you need to, okay?" It was James's playlist anyway, but still, it needed to be said.
"Me too." He stroked fingers again over the soft strands, remembering how much like a cat he was the first time they were dating, a James who would just flop into his lap with his I'm-adorable-please-pet-me eyes. It was possible that was different now, but given the easy physical affection they'd already established, he didn't think so. He'd find out for sure at some point and put that information to good use. He brushed another soft kiss against his lips and pulled away to check on the food before they got distracted and burned something.
--
"It is. I wasn't too comfortable  with it at first, it wasn't something I was used to using as a... language, I guess." He had never thought about it as such before his therapy, and that hadn't occurred to him as thought until years into his service. He had never been good at letting go, at loosening his hold on much of anything. It had lent itself to his struggle after his family had moved, when he and Grant had begun to disintegrate. "I will," he agreed. The inability to make decisions for the sake of other people never sat well with him, as hard as he had worked on it.
His eyes drifted shut for a moment, wanting more of the petting and never wanting it to stop. Grant had always been good at knowing just how much pressure and scratch to put into those clever fingers of his as they worked through his hair, and that didn't seem to have changed. He wanted more of it, but food was on the stove and it made him want to grumble at the inconvenience of it all. If he pouted slightly when he pulled away, he would never admit to it. "Plates?" He worked at getting everything else ready so Grant could finish the actual cooking this time.
--
"And now?" He was interested to know whether James counted music as one of his languages now. He hoped knowing would help him realize it if/when he was trying to tell him something without words. They were better than they should have been at reading each other, but Grant didn't fool himself that he picked up everything that wasn't said. He wanted to learn to communicate with him in every way that he found comfortable.
He couldn't help a fond smile at the look on his face. It was nice that not everything had changed, and it made him want to drop everything to give him all the attention he wanted. He filed that away for later and loved the fact that they had a later. "There. Glasses in that one." He indicated the right cabinets. Between the two of them, everything was done in a few minutes and ready to dish up.
--
âNow⊠itâs one of the easier ways to say what I want to,â he admitted. In his long list of languages he had become familiar with, he could add that to the list. A book, a song, a food, everything someone suggested to a person had bearing, was indicative of their thoughts about them, and he was aware of it. He had learned quite a few ways to communicate but it hadnât necessarily helped him thus far.
He wanted all of the pets and affection but he knew that dinner was imminent. It helped to know that they had later, and any variance of later that they wanted. He stepped to the indicated cabinets to get their plates and glasses setting things near Grant to be dished up and grabbed their preferred drinks while things finished cooking.
--
He nodded thoughtfully. He'd been paying more attention to the music since he indicated its importance, but he'd make sure he kept the habit now. "I'll try to listen." He sent him a soft smile, brushing fingers over his hand. He couldn't seem to stop the small touches now that they'd started, at least not as long as they were welcome. But that was a language for them too, wasn't it? One Grant had gotten out of the habit of speaking, but still there.
He enjoyed working alongside James to make dinner as much as he had the first time, and he hoped it was a pattern they could continue. With dinner served and seats taken, his mind had wandered back to their conversation about little preferences. It was sort of in keeping with the one about music too, and there were still so many things he didn't know about James. "Favorite music artists? If that's possible." He smiled. Grant was fond of top 3s, top 5s, top 10s, but he realized not everyone worked like that.
--
He smiled softly, âI know youâll hear me when it matters.â He had a lot of faith in that particular belief, that they could understand one another easily with time. They were different than they used to be, but they had always been so good at learning each other. But then, there had been so much less to learn, so much less history to navigate then. He didnât want the touches to stop, them speaking in a way he didnât trust himself to yet.
He wanted this to be a part of his normal life, making dinner alongside Grant and talking about whatever they wanted, big and small. As they settled down to eat, he was comfortable and happy in a way that he knew he wanted more of past that night. âOh⊠no⊠thatâs evil. Okay,â he wrinkled his nose as he thought about the artists that inhabited his playlists the most. âFive Finger Death Punch, for a lot of reasons,â he finally said, âHalsey⊠and probably⊠well heck. â he laughed when he couldnât think of any other artists he listened to abundantly.
--
Grant wanted to believe that he would. He knew it was a failed marriage whispering doubt into his ear that he wasn't good at this, at listening, at being what people needed, and that James would be no different. Maybe he would have ruined them too, if they'd managed to keep it together that long. He acknowledged the fear, tagged it as not wholly rational (and certainly not the kindest interpretation of what had happened between him and Anna), and set it aside for now. Self-doubt didn't change anything. He could only try to do better.
It was too new to have the familiarity of routine, but there was something familiar about it anyway. That kind of summed up their whole relationship so far, somehow new and familiar at once. "Sorry," he chuckled, but he didn't take the question back. If the list needed to go on for a while, he was comfortable with that, so it was a small surprise when he only named two. "Love Halsey. I'll add the other one to my playlist." He'd heard of them but couldn't have named a song. Listening to James's favorite music knowing that it was his favorite--probably tomorrow on his drive--filled him with happy anticipation.
--
He smiled happily at the idea of Grant adding something to his playlist just because he liked it. âI can send you a good song to start with,â he mused, thinking of a few of his favorites. He was already going to send him a whole playlist anyway, and one was likely to turn into multiple as it was. âItâs hard to think of favorites when I listen to so many so regularly,â he explained the short list because it was amusing to him.
âYour turn, favorite music or artists,â he requested with anticipatory delight. It was exciting, getting new information about someone he had known and loved for so long. He highly doubted he would ever learn something about him that he would actively hate.
--
"I'd love that." He grinned at the idea of getting to know some of his favorite songs. He was probably going to send him a playlist or two as well. He nodded his understanding. He had a similar problem when it came to narrowing down artists of any kind.
He figured he would turn the question back on him, but that didn't make it easier to answer. A top ten would have been hard; two was almost impossible. "I have the same problem, but if we're going with two? I guess The Gaslight Anthem and The Weepies." James was right; it was an evil question. There was so much left out of that answer, but if the inside of Grant's head usually sounded like something, it was probably that.
--
James couldn't help but laugh a little and nod in absolute understanding. It was a hard thing to try and narrow down something so broad and wide-reaching as their music tastes seemed to be. "I'll add them to the list," he chuckled, knowing his stuff was going to be flooded with all things Grant for a while anyway. There were far worse things to have in his head, to let broaden the edges of who he was.
As they ate, he pondered another question and smiled a bit when he decided on one. "Is there anywhere you want to travel? Anywhere in the world you really want to see? Anywhere you've been that you love?" He chuckled when one question wound up being three, but he couldn't help it.
--
He couldn't say for certain they were bands James would enjoy, but it was sweet of him to give them a shot. "I can send you something to start with," he offered with an easy smile. Sending songs back and forth over the weekend sounded as pleasant as sending photos. James already lived in his head almost non-stop since they'd seen each other again. It might as well have his soundtrack to go with it.
"Haven't done much traveling lately. Never made it overseas," he admitted. "You know my mom. She hates flying. It was always road trips growing up." He grinned. It wasn't a complaint because he'd gotten to see a lot of the continental U.S. like that, but it was nothing like James's travels. "I guess I'd like Europe. Anywhere, really. There's so much art. What about you?"
--
There was very little that James didn't enjoy when it came to music, so he was sure it was going to become a part of his regular music rotation. "I'd love that," he told him with a little grin, knowing he was parroting but couldn't help himself. Communicating in songs and photos was easy and safe, but a great way to share what was on their mind. He was looking forward to the weekend even more now, even though they would be apart.
He chuckled at the reminder of Grant's mom and remembered more than one tirade when they were planning to go anywhere. "Road trips are great. All the clouds look the same from above," he pointed out with a little laugh. Not that he saw a lot from inside a cargo plane or a lot of the flights he took, but that was beside the point. "Europe would be really cool. I didn't get to spend too much time there, and when I did, it was only work."
--
He laughed softly when they both echoed their earlier conversation because damn it, he was adorable. "I like road trips," he agreed with a smile. He didn't mind driving back and forth to the city despite the traffic. There was something comforting about driving and music and scenery. He had a lot of good memories like that.
Grant didn't have anything against flying, himself. He'd been to Hawaii with his ex-wife. Beautiful, but he wouldn't call it a place he wanted to return to. "Where would you want to go? And was there anywhere you really loved?" He was stealing his questions, but they were good ones. He wanted to know everything about James, but especially the things he loved and wanted.
--
That made him smile softly, "So do I. Doesn't matter how long or short." He regularly tried to take road trips to visit a buddy from his unit whenever he could, especially if they had something big going on. "Windows down, music up, and a long road ahead," he sounded almost wistful, missing it since he hadn't gone for a while.
"I want to go see Eastern Europe: Hungary, Romania, Russia," he admitted, knowing it probably sounded so strange. "It wasn't an area there was a lot of call for us to be." He paused to think about where he had enjoyed the most and had to really think about any time off he'd spent off base or not on an assignment. One popped into his head and he finally nodded, "Barcelona. I got to spend a few days there on leave. Beautiful city, you'd love the art. The music? Amazing. The food? Even better."
--
"We could do something like that, if you want," he offered. His voice had gone soft and hesitant. He wasn't sure they were to that point in whatever this was yet, but even friends took trips together, right? They didn't have to go cross-country. It called up a lot of memories of plans they'd made back when they thought they'd have a whole life together.
"What do you like about it?" It was an interesting choice, not one he'd have guessed most people would make. It was James, so of course he wanted to know his reasoning. A pleased smile crossed his face at the idea of him in Barcelona. That had to be beautiful. "Yes! That whole city is art. GaudĂ is everywhere. I bet that was incredible."
--
Hearing the soft hesitation, he reached over to curl his hand over his cheek, brushing his thumb softly. "I would love to take a trip with you," he reassured him easily. What difference did it make if they spent their time together in an apartment or in a car? They'd had heads full of plans together when they were young and planning a life together, and he could recall quite a bit of them. However, he found he was looking more forward to any plans they made now.
"For better or worse, I think they're closer to their roots. Sure, a lot of that is compliments of politics, but, it feels old. And they have some of the best stories," he grinned. Â He loved seeing his reaction to the idea of Barcelona and swore right then that if this worked, if they worked, he was going to take him. "It was," he admitted, "I liked the architecture too. But I most definitely paid more attention to the food and music. I did go to this one art museum, though, it was spectacular."
--
"Where do you want to go?" He curled his fingers around his wrist and knew how soft it was when he smiled. He couldn't look at him any other way right now. He kept waiting for this to get harder, or to at least discover something they didn't like about each other, but everything he learned about James just made him want to keep him close. It wasn't that he wasn't flawed; he could see that, but even the imperfections had a kind of beauty. It wasn't like Grant wasn't covered in fracture lines too.
"Alright. History and stories," he summed up, smiling. He wanted to think they'd get to do that together sometime, but maybe they could get through their roadtrip before they started planning internationally. He wasn't that interested in revisiting the past either. Their present held a lot more sway right now, along with this tentative future they were building. "That sounds amazing." He wasn't surprised to hear it, given how much he loved cooking and music. Barcelona was supposedly a great city for all those things. "Which one?"
--
"We could go to Baltimore," he suggested, content to stay as they were, slightly curled into each others' spaces. They were going to hit rough patches eventually, he knew that, but so far the rosy warmth made him happy. They had their cracks and imperfections, had touched on some of them, so it wasn't like they were hiding from them.
"Exactly," he smiled happily. He could picture Grant there with him, wanted that to be their reality one day. What they were working on had promise, and they weren't hiding from the fact that they wanted it to work, to grow into more. "Ah, the..." He trailed off to think back and recall the rather long name to make sure he didn't mess it up. "Museu Nacional dâArt de Catalunya, it's like a central museum for all the Catalan art."
--
"That sounds nice," he agreed. He'd mostly only passed through it on his way to somewhere else. It wasn't too far away, so there wasn't really time to get sick of the drive before they got where they were going. He leaned slightly into James's hand on his cheek and then tipped his head to brush a kiss against his fingers.
"I've heard that's amazing." And more spectacular architecture besides. He was glad he'd gotten to see something beautiful despite his traveling being mostly for work. Dinner seemed to be winding down, and he gave his hand a soft squeeze before he pulled away. "Are you done?" There was more if he was still hungry. He usually erred on the side of cooking too much, since leftovers made for easy lunches later in the week.
--
âI think so too,â he agreed. It was a nice spot that was new for both of them where they could make memories together and just relax and enjoy a place in each otherâs company with no history or expectations. His face went absolutely mushy when he tipped his head into his hand. He knew his heart was on his sleeve with Grant, and he was mostly okay with it.
âIt was. Hopefully one day youâll see it,â he smiled easily even as his mind tried to get ahead of where they were and he had to reel it in. âYeah. Iâll help clean up,â he decided as he stood up and grabbed both their plates.
--
A place with no history for either of them sounded ideal at this point. He didn't think this trip was even particularly about the place so much as spending time together at something they both enjoyed. He wanted to hear James's playlists in the car and know what his face looked like with the windows down and nothing pressing on his mind. It didn't really matter where they were going.
It helped to know that James was as soft as Grant was for him. He could read that much in his expression, and it made it safer for him to not try to hold it back. "Maybe someday," he agreed with a smile. It wasn't something he'd thought about much in the past several years. Traveling alone didn't hold a lot of appeal. He joined him at the counter to help with the dishes and put away leftovers in what he hoped was becoming another easy routine.
--
Softness wasnât something that James had seen or felt much of in recent memory, but he loved the look of it from Grant so he figured the same applied from the other side. He wanted him to know that he was cared for, that there was someone at his back and in his corner. James was all to happy to be that person for Grant.
It was nice to work alongside him and work at building a new routine. He liked the way they worked together and moved in each otherâs space. âWhat would you like to do when weâre done with cleanup?â He knew neither of them would be too willing to part just yet, if their last date day was anything to go by.
--
Grant couldn't help but care about most people he came into contact with. He'd always been like that. Letting people care for him was where he struggled. He hadn't been able to count on anyone to have his back in a long time, but he also realized that if he wanted this thing with James to work that he had to try. He couldn't just close himself off and handle everything himself (and was that really working out so well for him, anyway?). It was a little easier to trust him with it because he already knew that he could be trusted.
He loved having James in his space, looking like he belonged there in the kitchen beside him. It made him happy to know he wasn't planning on leaving so soon. He considered the question, keeping in mind that the next couple days were going to be busy for him and that James hadn't been sleeping much, and decided they probably both needed something relaxing. "We can pick a movie, or just keep the music on. I'm fine with anything. What do you want?"
--
They had already established they were quite content to spend their downtime together so he saw no reason to rush off. He certainly didnât feel any driving need to do so. James wanted him to go on his trip as relaxed as possible, so that was definitely the name of the game he was after. His own lack of sleep barely registered in the face of getting to spend time with him and take care of him.
He hummed thoughtfully and liked both options. As he finished his work, the song changed and he waited for Grant to be done before reaching for him and taking his hand, pulling him close to sway them into a dance. âIâve got what I want. Right here,â he murmured softly.
--
Grant certainly didn't want him to leave. He felt as he had earlier, that he wanted to wrap him in a blanket and make sure that he got rest and snuggles for a while. James had automatically moved into the category of people he wanted to take care of, probably the person he most wanted to take care of.
They finished with the dishes, and he dried his hands, smiling as he allowed James to pull him closer. His heart practically melted when he realized what he was doing, and he easily closed the remaining space between them, curling a hand over his shoulder. He tipped his face close, brushing lips over his cheek as they swayed to the music. "Were you always such a romantic?" he murmured, knowing that he was. He wouldn't have forgotten something like that, or how completely soft it made him.
--
He was absolutely gone at the way he simply trusted and came close, his heart melting at the soft kiss. Pulling their joined hands to his lips, he brushed them softly together and let out a thoughtful him. âI think I used to be better at it,â he chuckled, thinking back to their first chance. He simply loved finding all the best ways to make Grant smile, would do whatever he could to make that light happen.
He started humming softly to the song, one heâd added in one of his softer, more wistful moments over the last few days. It was all too easy to dance them through the kitchen, his hand drifting down Grantâs back as he pressed a soft kiss into his hair.
--
"Nothing against past you, but no," he disagreed softly. James had been easier in his skin back then; they both had. Sure, he was more charming and flirty back then, and Grant had been thoroughly swept away by him right from the beginning. He didn't know if he could explain how it mattered more now, or why the fact that a James who made dinner and danced in the kitchen with him, who was willing to accept him like this, broken pieces and all, was more romantic than just about anything he could think of.
It wasn't the past version of him that he was rapidly losing his heart to. He'd loved that person, but James was so much more now. He smiled softly, gently resting his head against his and listening to the lyrics and James's humming while they danced. It was hard to imagine a prettier song, and there was no mistaking the meaning of the one he'd chosen. He pressed a soft kiss to his lips when the last notes faded. Grant paused long enough to choose another song before pulling him back into his arms. He'd said music was like a language for him, and he wanted to continue this conversation.
--
There was a comfort he hadnât expected in hearing those words. Past James had been the one to catch his attention, to be at his side for years and make plans for a future theyâd lost. When they made their way back to each other, he came full of broken pieces and heartache, heavy with loss and that included the loss of Grant. It had been as permanent a loss as all the rest.
But as they danced now, feeling the real, solid warmth of Grant against him, the soft puff of his breath, it told him a new story that fit with that comfort. The soft kiss made him want to chase after him but he saw he was just going for a song. He slipped easily into those arms again, sinking in and listening to what Grant had to say. This song filled in the parts of the story he couldnât on his own. Who they had come back to each other as was more than enough. He wasnât the only one falling, knowing he could trust Grant to catch him and either let him down gently or hold on to him with everything.
--
Past Grant was always going to be in love with that version of James, but he was a long way from the teenager he'd been. They both were. What he needed out of a relationship now was entirely different. He'd never imagined them fitting together again as well as they did. Somehow, even apart, James had still managed to grow into exactly the kind of person he wanted to give his scarred and battered heart to. He'd never imagined trusting someone with it again.
He took his hand and spun him slowly, the movement easy despite the fact that he hadn't danced with anyone in years, a small smile on his lips as he pulled him back in. If they were going full-on romance, then Grant had a bit of that in him too. He'd been the polar opposite of smooth when they met. He'd learned how to dance specifically for James when they were younger. There was no way he was going to let him go a second time. He was going to keep him safe here in his arms for as long as it was allowed.
--
When he spun him, his heart fluttered and he was sure his heart was in his eyes when he looked at him. If it wasnât then, the sight of that smile surely did it. His breath hitched lightly and he slid his hand to curl at the base of his neck, forearm along his shoulder in a way that let him close. âIâm not the only romantic one,â he pointed out once he felt he could trust his voice.
He remembered dancing, both of them younger, smaller, more uncoordinated than now. Dancing with Grant now was like something out of a dream and he added it to his list of favorite things. He never wanted to leave the safe circle of his arms, and he chose to sink into the moment instead. Every moment like this took more of his heart and put it into Grantâs hands, but he was beginning to think it would be okay to do that.
--
He loved that look on his face, and he wanted to keep finding ways to put it there. He knew it was reflected in his own expression. He didn't have any reason to hide from James at this point. It was already obvious how completely gone he was for him. "I guess you bring that out in me," he agreed softly. It was a part of himself he'd thought was gone forever, but it felt as natural as everything else with him.
As soon as James had pulled him in at the first song, he'd known he was done for. It didn't matter what lines they crossed now. Grant's heart was already his, and he wasn't going to pretend to himself that there was any other way for this to go. Instead of trying to hold back, he'd rather put his energy toward making James feel as safe and loved as possible. He'd swept Grant off his feet once. He'd be glad to return the favor. He tightened the arm around his waist, drawing him close again while they swayed to the music, his lips brushing his ear. "I hope you know I'm not letting you go again."
--
It made him weak to see what he knew his own face was showing on Grantâs face. His thumb slid softly across the side of his neck as he gave him a soft smile, a silent way of letting him know just how quietly happy he really was. âCareful, I might get addicted,â he teased even as he knew it was far too late for that and he was sure Grant did too. It felt like breathing to be like this with him.
His arm curled around his shoulders completely when he was pulled closer and he tucked his face into Grantâs hair. A shiver went down his spine at the soft touch of lips at his ear and he thought he stopped breathing for a moment. âI donât want you to,â he admitted softly, shifting to press his lips to the soft skin behind his ears. âI donât plan on letting you go either. I want you Grant, however I can have you as long as I can.â
--
"I hope so. I have to keep you with me somehow," he teased back, an easy smile on his lips. Romance was all well and good, but it couldn't single-handedly sustain a relationship, and he didn't expect it to. There were things they were already establishing that were more important to both of them. But little things mattered too sometimes, and finding ways to make James feel special and adored could easily become one of his favorite things.
He pressed his face into his hair and breathed him in, holding him tightly. A small bit of tension he hadn't realized he'd been holding onto ran out of him at those words. It was a rare thing, the person you wanted most wanting you back. "You have me, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere," he murmured. They'd made those promises before, but he felt like they were in a better position to keep them now. He knew how easy it was for life to tear people apart, but he was holding on with everything he had this time.
--
âThatâs going to be ridiculously easy for you,â he reassured him. The romance was nice, encouraged, but not all he wanted out of their relationship. They were building the important things and everything else was coming along with it. Â He wanted to make sure that Grant knew just what he already meant to him.
He slid his hand from Grantâs to wrap his arms around his neck, brushing his lips softly over his neck. He pressed close, happy to be held so close and tight. âNeither am I.â He was going to fight tooth and nail for them to be able to keep these promises this time. They were both much more able to do it now than they were fifteen years ago. More than that, he felt something stronger, deeper, that made him think this was more likely to last the way they wanted it to.
--
It was never easy to stay together, but this was already easier than he'd ever imagined it would be. They were both willing to work at it, and that was the important thing. They wanted to try for each other. He just smiled, brushing a soft kiss against his hair.
He wrapped his arms around his waist, James's body a line of warmth against his. "Good, I want you right here with me. I want you," he whispered, because that was all, really. However and for as long as he could have him, just as James had said. Holding him in his arms again was an unexpected gift, one he didn't want to let go of any time soon, and he was content just to stay like that for a while. Maybe if he held him long enough, it would feel less like a dream.
--
He knew their life and their relationship wouldnât always be easy or soft. He wouldnât trust it if it was. He wanted Grant to be his partner in every way he wanted to be. They both were willing to put in the work and to try and that was worth so much.
âIâll be here, sweetheart. Every chance and every time you want it. Right here,â he assured him, because this was the happiest he had been in a long time. He let himself drift in the comfort of his arms, grounded in the very real warmth of him. The music kept playing softly in the background, every bit of it adding to the soundtrack of their life together. Idly, he brushed his lips along his jaw, tracing the line of it and marveling at it in his head. He had always been heartbreakingly beautiful to him. Time had only made it better.
--
He wasn't going to ruin this by thinking too far ahead right now or by creating complications because nothing real should be this easy. He had his hands full even adjusting to the idea that it was happening at all. He'd imagined having James back in his life a thousand different ways when they'd fallen apart, but when years passed, he didn't allow himself to consider the possibility anymore. There was no point in hurting himself over something that would never happen.
But somehow it had. Grant didn't know if this would ever feel like something he was allowed to have, but he was grateful. Second chances were rare enough that he didn't believe they existed, but James was here promising him that they did. "That might be always," he admitted, smiling as he rested a cheek against his hair. He'd almost forgotten about the music, so wrapped up in James and his own thoughts that he couldn't have said what the last song was. His eyes fluttered shut when lips traced along his jaw, and he turned his head, catching him in a soft kiss.
--
He smiled softly against his skin and let out a happy sound. âIâm quite happy with always, you know.â In fact, very little sounded better to him than having an always with Grant. He had given up on finding an Always years ago, had figured it just wasnât in the cards for him however much he may want it. And yet here Grant was, again, despite all the odds to the contrary.
That soft kiss was enough to narrow his focus down to one thing: Grant. All of the rest of the thinking he could do about their past, their future, it didnât matter so much. His hands slid up into his hair to tip his head just enough to slowly deepen the kiss, taking his time to sink into it and  pour everything that was bubbling over in him into it.
--
"I like the sound of it," he agreed. He knew his smile was verging on dopey, but that was fine. No one else was around to see it, and he might not have cared even if they were. That warm, bubbling feeling, it took a moment to identify it as happiness. Before this week with James, it had been a long time since he felt something like that, a happiness that was hard to contain.
Being kissed like that was enough to make his mind go pleasantly blank. The only things in the room, in the world, were the warmth of James's body against his, the hands in his hair, those soft lips that could slowly take him apart. They'd said plenty out loud, but words could only go so far. There was so much unspoken in that kiss that it could easily overwhelm him. He made a soft sound, hands warm against his back through the thin cotton of his shirt as he sank into him.
--
James had found that, at times, he was better at actions than words. In this moment, it was more to be able to wholly express what he was feeling because he knew that words just didnât cover it. He knew a lot of words in a lot of languages and there just werenât enough. Happiness, contentment, excitement, affection, heat, desire, all of it and more were just adding to what they had decided to build together.
That soft sound was a gentle breaking point for him and he slowly shifted them until he could back Grant up against a counter edge with a low noise of his own. The heat of his hands through his shirt, the softness of the hair in his hands, and his mouth under his were his anchors for that moment. There was so much that he couldnât remember feeling before, a depth and a weight that drove it all and made him want more of him, every time they were together and apart, like he just couldnât get enough.
--
Words were fine, good even, but they didn't mean anything without actions to back them up. It would take time to prove everything they were promising each other, and that was okay. This was a different kind of promise. They'd always been good at communicating without words too, in looks and body language and soft touches and kisses. It was like no one else could understand this language but them, and it had been years since he'd been able to speak.
He put everything into that slowly deepening kiss. The ache of missing him, the longing of finding him again, the joy of whatever they were starting here, and the promise that this time they could stay, and they could try, and whatever life threw at them, he just wanted to figure it out with him. His breath stuttered when his back met the counter, but he only tightened his grip, pulling him in close again.
--
This was a language for him and Grant alone, and they had never needed a translator for it. His kiss made him weak in the knees and one of his hands slid to cup his jaw, thumb blazing itâs own soft trail behind his ear. There was an indescribable joy in it, in finding him and having this second chance, in getting to hold him again.
Hearing his breath stutter that way made heat bloom in his core and he pressed himself against the hard line of his body without a second thought. All he wanted to feel on any level was Grant and thatâs exactly what he was getting. A soft whine of need that was as emotional as anything else escaped him. He couldnât remember the last time heâd been kissed in a way that made his head swim that way.
--
He shivered under that touch and the heat that flared so easily between them, as if it had never left. He'd imagined kissing him again, when he was younger and he thought he might suffocate under that loss, but Grant's imagination wasn't this good. It didn't take into account how different they would both be or how he'd want to spend forever learning the new shape of his body, still molded to his like it was meant to fit there. It wasn't more real than everything else that had happened, but it helped ground those things in reality. This was something he couldn't make up.
That soft sound made him feel weak, matching the longing he felt for him in every way. He slid a hand into his hair and kissed him steadily, a promise that he was here, and he had him, and they had time for everything they wanted. His other hand pressed against the warm skin of his back beneath his shirt, not wandering but just holding him there. Grant didn't care anymore if they continued to take things slow. He would do anything James wanted. It wasn't like he wasn't dangerously committed already.
--
The feeling was completely mutual, wanting to spend forever learning the new shape of him and let it ground their reality. For all he had imagined kissing him and holding him again, he never could have gotten it right. This was entirely new and it was exciting to him to explore and learn him.
He wanted to purr and melt under those attentions, the soft touches. The heat of his hand on his skin, though, that stole his breath and made him gasp softly into their kiss. Grant made his head swim in the best way and he simply leaned into him, happy to be held so close. A part of him wanted to keep chasing that heat, but the other part reminded him that he was trying to do this right. He slowly lightened the kiss before pulling himself away from his lips but allowing his lips to trail down over his jaw and down to his neck. He pressed a soft kiss there before tucking his face into the crook of his neck and letting out a shaky exhale. This was it for him and he knew it, even as early as it was, but he wanted Grant to have the time he deserved.
--
He wanted to memorize every soft sound and stolen breath, learn everything he liked that made his knees weak and his head spin. That was hardly a surprise. He already wanted to know everything about James, and this was just another aspect of that. Grant let him pull away slowly, for once not feeling the need to chase the kiss. He always wanted to kiss him, of course, but he trusted that they would have more chances.
His eyes fluttered shut as he traced a line of heat down his jaw and neck, his head tipping to give him room. When he tucked his face in, he wrapped an arm around his waist, his other hand sliding through his hair. It was as soft and gentle as it had been heated and needy a few moments before, his breath and heartbeat slowly evening out as he held him close. He had everything he wanted right there in his arms.
--
James knew they had time to learn everything about each other, even in this. He wanted to enjoy every step and every shift in their relationship. It helped that he now trusted in the fact that they had more chances for more nights just like this one, full of warmth and affection, dancing in the kitchen, cooking together.
It was a new feeling, being held this way and just not wanting to move away from it. This was even more precious to him than the heated moments theyâd just shared. This was trust and comfort and everything he wanted. His arms slid to curl around him as he simply basked in his warmth and relaxed entirely.
--
There was nothing he would have changed about this night. It was already perfect in a way that felt almost fragile, but learning to trust again after they'd both been so hurt was always fragile. Even if they'd been married ten years, he thought it would have been that way. Loving something went hand in hand with the fear of losing it, and they'd both lost a lot.
He loved how completely relaxed James was in his arms, trusting him to hold and comfort him. He valued this more too. It was shelter and safety, and maybe not love yet, but close enough that the difference didn't matter much to him anymore. He relaxed into his warmth and pressed a soft kiss against his head, fingers stroking a gentle path through his hair.
--
Loss had made James careful, probably too much so to be healthy for him, but it had made his love that much more fierce when he gave it. He didnât want this to be added to the list of losses again. There was hope and home available to him now in a single person and tonight was an example.
If there was anyone in the world James would trust with all of him, it was the man currently holding him. The soft kiss and pets made him him softly in pleasure at the sensation and he snuggled in. âMovie and cuddles?â The suggestion was born of a need to stay close but a desire for them both to be able to stay comfortable.
--
Grant did a good impression of being well-adjusted, but when it came to personal relationships, he had a tendency to hold people at a distance, even his friends. He recognized it as a thing he needed to work on, but it was safe. He didn't need more disappointment at this point in his life. He didn't know how he'd managed to do a 180 with James and let down every single wall he had in under a week, but it was worth everything they were risking to stand here and hold him like this.
Snuggly James was one of his favorite things, and there would have been protesting if he proposed anything that involved more space between them right now. "Mostly cuddles," he agreed, pressing a few more kisses against his hair. He reluctantly unwrapped an arm from him to pause the music, leaning forward to brush lips against his neck as he tucked the phone back into James's pocket. There was a fine line between cuddling and flirting, and Grant was a pretty good multitasker.
--
âMostly cuddles,â he agreed happily, knowing he was only going to give any movie they turned on his partial attention. He enjoyed the press of kisses and thought he could used to those all too easily from him. It was all he could do to keep himself from pouting when he shifted away but it was definitely helped with how his phone was returned to his pocket.
His head tipped and his breath caught, his hands lifting to curl around his hips. âThank you,â he smiled slowly, brushing his thumbs slightly under his t-shirt to catch his hipbones before turning him towards the living room. âTurn on whatever youâd like,â he requested, stepping up behind him to brush his lips lightly over the back of his neck.
--
"Happy to help." A slow smile spread across his face too, a trace more mischief in it. A small shiver ran through him at the ghost of lips on his neck, and he couldn't help leaning back into him a little. He'd started it, so that was fair. Rather than wrap James around him like a blanket, he slid a hand into his and pulled him to the couch.
He picked up the remotes and took a seat, holding out an arm for him to join him. "What do you like?" He clicked through some movies, looking for something pleasant but easy to ignore. Grant tended toward things with happy endings: Disney, musicals, superheroes. He had enough drama and sadness in his real life not to appreciate it much in his fiction.
--
The mischievous smile did things to him and it sent a little shiver down his spine, delight and anticipation filling him at the sight of it despite himself. He liked the way he leaned back into him and happily would have become a human blanket for hun. He was content enough to curl his hand around Grantâs and go with his pull. After all, that tug meant more cuddles and closeness and that was exactly what he was in the mood for.
He settled down next to him, curling under his arm and tucking his legs over his lap with no hesitation. âSomething happy,â he decided with a little hum, âHow about we go Disney?â He was unashamed of his love for Disney movies. He liked action movies too, but even those he wanted to see happy endings. Sci-fi and fantasy films were also always on the docket for him to watch.
--
He smiled as the weight of his legs settled over him, and he wrapped an arm around his shoulders, shifting until they were both settled in close. With someone he cared for, Grant was a major cuddler. Tangled on the couch, soft kisses, playing with hair. It wasn't something he'd had much of for a long time.
"Always good," he agreed, flipping to the right channel. He wasn't sure he trusted someone who said they didn't like Disney. Didn't sound like his kind of person at all. He settled on Lilo & Stitch because it was near the top and set the remote aside, wrapping that arm around James too.
--
It would likely surprise Grant to learn that James was very much out of practice with cuddling or close human contact in general. It had been a very long time since he had simply curled up and cuddled with anyone. This, though⊠this felt like coming home. Grant felt like home. Like peace. He hadnât had either for a very long time.
âThat was my thought too,â he murmured softly, already melting against the warmth of him and pillowing his head on his shoulder. Seeing the movie made him smile softly, as it was one of his favorites. âI love this one,â he told him quietly, his arms wrapping around him as he took a deep breath and filled his lungs with the relaxing scent of him.
--
Grant was out of practice as well. There was no one he'd wanted this close to him for quite some time. Even his last couple years of marriage hadn't included much softness, which in hindsight should have been a red flag. Caught in the middle of it, he couldn't see anything past his grief. Being curled on the couch with James was a bit of long-needed comfort.
"Me too." He smiled, brushing a kiss against his hair. He'd practically memorized this movie and didn't need to pay close attention to follow it. It was more like comforting background noise while he let his mind and body relax. It had been a weird week, to put it lightly, and he didn't want to think about anything more complicated than Disney aliens and the man in his lap for the rest of the night.
--
He wanted more nights exactly like this one, cooking and dancing and ending curled together in simple closeness and comfort. He had a feeling that Grant needed it as much as he did. James could imagine many a night spent with a Disney film on just to relax to and do absolutely nothing but be together.
A weird week was putting it mildly, in Jamesâs opinion. His world had been flipped on its axis, everything he had been doing seemed lonely now and he wondered if heâd simply been blatantly ignoring it. Therapist: One. James: Zero. The arm across Grantâs front lifted  so he could slide his fingers softly over his neck and shoulder in an idle pet, occasionally sliding high enough to brush through his hair. He only gave the movie partial attention, knowing it by heart, and gave most of his attention to the man he was practically laying on.
--
He did need it, more than he'd wanted to admit before now. His therapist kept telling him people weren't meant to be alone, and he kept telling her that he wasn't. He had colleagues and friends, people he hung out with semi-regularly, and they both knew that wasn't what she meant. He didn't romanticize being alone, but it was hard not to be grateful they'd both been unattached and could give this a chance.
His fingers brushed a lazy path over his arm, and he occasionally pressed another soft kiss into his hair. His mind was wandering back to this is too good to be allowed, and the small touches helped ground him in reality. About halfway through he moved his legs up onto the couch and shifted to lie down, reaching to pull James down with him too if he wanted to come.
--
It was easy to drift on the soft wave of relaxation the soothing touches and warmth brought. He wasnât really asleep, but he knew he wasnât very alert. It was the first time in a long time he felt comfortable and even more⊠safe. It felt like something out of a dream, but his best dreams never felt so solid or so full of happiness the way this did.
When Grant shifted, he didnât even pause to consider and simply shifted with him. He more sprawled on top of him rather like a blanket than laid down beside him, his hand sliding just under his shirt to rest on the warm skin of his side, the other tucking slightly under him. Â His head went to his shoulder and the crook of his neck, burrowing in with a soft sound.
--
It filled him with a gentle happiness the way James just made himself comfortable, no awkwardness or hesitation, as though he was exactly where he was meant to be. There was something deeply comforting about the weight of him and the warmth of the hand on his side. He reached for the blanket on the back of the couch and tugged it over both of them.
He pressed a kiss to his forehead and curled an arm around his waist, the other reaching up to drift idly through his hair. If he had an evil plan, it was getting James relaxed enough to sleep. He worried a little about his insomnia. It might have been working a little too well though, since he was feeling relaxed and sleepy enough to drift off himself.
--
Meant to be or not, James was precisely where he wanted to be. That alone was enough for him to question absolutely nothing. As the blanket drifted over the pair of them, he let out a quiet hum of contentment and snuggled closer. He must have been a cat in another life, the way he preferred to cuddle in and be petted.
His eyes drifted shut at the soft strokes through his hair combined with the kiss. It was something out of his most far fetched but wanted dreams and he wanted it to be real too much to question it. For the first time in days, he felt the pull of sleep and tried to fight it for a little while, letting his eye flit between the screen and Grantâs face. It wasnât long though before it took over and he drifted off into a soft sleep, his body going entirely lax atop him.
--
He remembered nights like this from before, how soft and snuggly James was with him, but he hadn't allowed himself to remember too vividly. For so long memories like that just hurt. It was coming back clearer than ever now, with more fondness than pain. He wanted to give him all the snuggles and pets he could possibly want.
He divided his attention between the movie and James as well, aware when he started to doze and not doing anything to disrupt it. He needed the rest, and Grant was happy he was comfortable enough to sleep even a little. He kept up the slow path of his hand through his hair until he started to feel drowsy too, and then he curled that hand over his shoulder and drifted off, the familiar dialogue a comforting background noise.
--
This was special to Grant and only Grant. He couldnât remember relaxing so entirely or sliding so easily into sleep with anyone else. But then, he had never found anyone in his younger days or older, that he connected with as easily and as deeply as he did with him. Heâd tried to force the memories away so often but it hardly worked. Now he was kind of glad because he was able to enjoy them on a whole new level.
He barely registered the slight shift in positioning or the cessation of pets, he was so deep into that soft sleepy place. Over the years, sleep had gotten progressively harder to achieve and he knew that he shouldnât entirely give in here but he wanted to. He wanted to trust Grant with his sleep, with his most vulnerable moments. It wasnât that he didnât trust Grant already. He didnât trust himself not to ruin it when his subconscious took over and sleep was less than sweet.
--
Grant had done his best to move on after James enlisted, and by most accounts, he'd been successful at that. He'd loved Anna; of course he had. He wouldn't have married her if he didn't. It was different though, slower and quieter and based more on familiarity and time than the sort of overwhelming, immediate connection he'd had with James. He'd always been in a category of his own.
They hadn't spoken in depth about the insomnia or the nightmares and PTSD that likely came with an injury like his. Grant only worried about it as far as it affected James, and whatever he might be able to do to help him in a situation like that. Nightmares were pretty regular for him too. It wasn't on his mind at the moment as he drifted in and out of sleep, James a warm, welcome weight over him. He must have dozed more than he realized because the next time he opened his eyes, the movie was back on its starting  screen and he didn't remember seeing the end. He didn't feel any particular inclination to move though.
--
Genuinely, James hadnât cared about moving on. He hadnât had time for a relationship in all reality, with how he thrown himself into his career once he had realized he didnât really have another choice. It had been easier and preferable to be married to his job, especially after the loss of his mom and Kimâs fiery independent streak.
He knew that eventually, he would have to talk to Grant about his PTSD, the insomnia, everything that came with it. He would have to tell him what it was like in those darkest moments of his mind and memories that he couldnât shake and likely never would. He hadnât spent the night asleep in a bed with anyone since his career ending injury, so he wasnât at all sure about what it would be like for Grant. The warmth under him was a welcome one, firm and comforting. Waking up to the heavy weight across his back was new and he froze for a moment, hands tightening, before it all came back to him. He had to force a few slow, deep breaths and unlock his muscles as he reminded himself he was safe and everything was okay.
--
They had plenty of time to talk about the darker parts of their history. Grant wanted to hear all of it. He wanted to know him, even the shadowed parts, even of there was nothing at all he could do to help. Not every fracture line could be painted back together with gold. Some things would just always hurt, but he still wanted to know them. At least he wouldn't be alone with it anymore.
Drifting between awake and asleep fell abruptly into awake at the sudden tension in him. He wasn't sure if moving would help or make it worse. He compromised by waiting until James seemed more alert, and then he smoothed a hand back through his hair. "Okay?" he murmured. He stroked fingers over the back of his neck, lightly soothing.
--
The soothing touch helped him relax again, sinking back down against him in a loose puddle of limbs. He knew he wasnât alone, knew that he could talk to Grant about it if he wanted to just then. All of his broken parts couldnât be smoothed, they couldnât all be put back together in a way that made sense or was inclined to stay together. He could only hope that they could make it through the learning of it all together.
âNow I am,â he said quietly, pressing his face into his neck. His hands smoothed over his sides under the soft cotton of his shirt in a gesture of gratitude. Lips brushed a soft kiss over his neck and he exhaled softly. âI havenât slept with anyone sinceâŠâ he rotated his shoulder slightly and sighed lightly.
--
He doubted there was anything James could tell him that would make him walk away. Everything he'd learned about this new version of him just made him want him more. Not the easy, idealized version in his memory, but the real man, the one who'd been broken but was still braver and sweeter than anyone he'd ever met. It wasn't like Grant was still in factory condition either.
He curled his arms a little tighter around him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. His hand kept up its slow path through his hair. It made him a little sad to hear he'd been alone all that time, and a little warm that he felt safe enough to fall asleep here. "You can stay, if you want. I want you to be able to sleep though." He didn't want to add to his sleep trouble by asking him to stay in an unfamiliar place or share a bed when he was used to sleeping alone, but he wanted him to know he was welcome.
--
He felt the comfort and care in that hold, the soft touches. It didnât make him sad to think of the time heâd spent alone, since he has spent so much of it healing and not in any mental place good for another person. When he stopped to consider his sleep over the week, this was among the best and it was slightly startling to consider.
He lifted himself up just enough to look at Grantâs face properly. âIâd ask if thatâs what you really want, but since I know itâs what I want, I have a feeling itâs mutual,â he murmured, his voice careful and thoughtful. âInstead Iâll ask⊠do you think itâs a good move for us right now? If itâs yes, Iâm staying. If itâs no, then Iâm going home. I promised you, sweetheart, we would do this right.â He brushed his hand softly along his cheek. âDonât think about anyone elseâs ânormalâ timelines. For you and me, us and this thing weâre building, is it a good move?â
--
He was so beautiful, even in the dim glow of the tv, that it made his chest ache to look at him. He traced the side of his face, thumb brushing along his jawline. "I don't know. I don't trust myself to be objective about you," he admitted with a small smile. He didn't know what was good for them at this point. They probably wouldn't know for a while. He just knew he wanted him there.
He tipped his head forward just far enough to kiss him softly. "I can promise that if you stay, it's just for sleep. I'll behave. I don't want to rush this either." He still wasn't sure that it mattered anymore, as wrapped up in James as he already was, but he would never push him for anything. If they decided not to cross a line, then he wouldn't cross it.
--
There was no part of him that wanted to go home, to attempt to sleep in a cold, lonely bed when he knew he could be right here. He brushed soft touches purely because he needed the contact even while he tipped his head into that soft touch. âOh lucky, weâre both terribly attached,â he murmured, a gently teasing note in his voice.
He hummed quietly into the kiss, leaning into it just a little bit. It wasnât so much a concern about rushing anymore. His heart had done that and there was nothing to do to stop that. âI want to stay,â he told him softly and barely kept himself from saying that was a promise he didnât need or want. Leaning in, he kissed him slow and let the kiss say it instead. He was safe, happy, and wanted and he wanted Grant to feel it too.
--
He was trying not to think too hard about James leaving. He knew he was going to miss him as soon as he left, whenever that was, and he decided that was a problem for another time. He smiled, knowing James was teasing, but he did feel lucky when it came to this. How often was the person you were terribly attached to just as attached to you? It was like winning the lottery, except he hadn't even been playing.
"I want you to stay." He murmured the words against his lips in between soft kisses. Grant wasn't expecting him to kiss him in a way that immediately challenged that promise, but maybe he should have. It wasn't James who had promised to behave, after all. He melted a little into it, his hand resting against the warm skin his back just beneath his shirt. Worth whatever torture he had to endure to keep him.
--
âThen staying it is,â he decided, completely content with their choice. Soft kisses and warm touches melted into something more in his chest as he purposely prodded at that heat to see if it would flare up again. He was already glad that Grant wanted him to stay because leaving was the absolute last thing he wanted.
He slowly lightened the kiss as easily as heâd deepened it, his hands brushing a soothing trail over his sides. âSorry, had to,â he smiled slowly, brushing a kiss over his cheek.
--
He made a soft sound as the kiss deepened, his hand sliding further into his hair and the other tracing a soothing pattern over soft skin. Mixed with their sleepy cuddles, it wasn't quite the heat of earlier, but it was there, easily called to the surface if they wanted it. Grant had a feeling that would always be the case. He'd always been hopelessly attracted to him.
He huffed a quiet laugh as he pulled away, not altogether surprised to hear it was intentional. He didn't look at all sorry, but neither was Grant. If he wanted to wind him up, he could think of way worse ways to spend the night. "Troublemaker," he murmured fondly, tipping his head to press a kiss against his jaw.
--
It was so easy to give in to the endless attraction he had for Grant, the endless well of warmth and want he had always had for him. He liked how they could slide from soft and sweet to something heavier and then right back. Nothing theyâd had before had really prepared him for how he felt now, how easily he could respond to Grantâs hands and lips.
He liked the sound of his soft laughter, a soft slightly dopey smile threatening to take over his face. âMmm, you like it,â he snickered softly as he shifted his head to give him room in encouraging invitation. âDo you want to stay right here for a little while? Or more comfort?â
--
He was beginning to think soft and sweet might be their resting heart rate, the default setting they returned to in between everything else, and that sounded like a good way to spend the rest of his life. He tried not to look too far ahead, but the immediate future looked a lot better with him in it.
"I do, in fact," he agreed, taking the invitation to press a line of soft kisses down his neck. He liked James teasing and laughing, but he'd yet to see a side of him he didn't like. He pulled away before the urge to do anything more could overwhelm him. Trying to keep his promise would not be helped by Grant's desire to keep flirting. He settled back, thumb stroking softly over his back. He was comfortable and didn't really want to lose the reassuring weight of James over him, but he did want him to get a decent night's sleep. "More comfort," he decided.
--
James already looked more forward to his future with Grant in it than he had for a while. It was easy to get caught on autopilot and not really pay attention to the future even as it continued to come closer. âOh good, then I can keep it up,â he teased, trying to ignore the shivers those soft kisses caused. He was absolute putty for Grant and he was happy to be.
Part of him wanted to pout at the idea of moving, but wanting Grant to be equally comfortable mattered more. âMore comfort it is,â he agreed softly, pushing up and taking his hands to pull him up with him. He could always just flop on him in bed anyway. At least that way, Grant was laying on something soft and comfortable and he could be a ridiculous human blanket again.
--
Thinking too far into the future got dangerous for him, even before he met James again. It was enough for him to focus on making his day to day life tolerable without the pressure of thinking about the rest of it. "I hope so," he murmured against his skin. Even if it tormented him a little, he was here for it.
He allowed James to pull him up and managed not to groan in protest. It was his idea to move, but Grant acknowledged that sometimes his ideas were really stupid. He turned off the tv and swiped his phone off the counter on the way to the bedroom, making sure his alarm was set for the morning before he set it aside and crawled into bed.
--
He couldnât stop the smile that spread over his face at the quiet murmur against his skin. He would absolutely enjoy tormenting Grant but he would be entirely happy to be tormented by him if he was in the mood to do so. Though, true torment would be no intent to follow through, and that was something he could never subject either of them to in this.
Relaxed, he watched with soft eyes as Grant trailed through turning things off. He knew he would wake up with him, so didnât bother with his own alarm as he trailed after him. When he crawled into bed, he waited a beat before crawling in after him and draping himself right back how he had been on the couch with a little sound of satisfaction.
--
He made grabby hands for him, pouting a little himself at the small hesitation. The only reason he'd been okay with getting up was because he knew he'd have him back in his arms shortly. It was a brief warning of how bad this was going to be for him when they did have to say goodbye. There was going to be a lot of reminding himself that he was an adult who didn't need a permanent boyfriend-shaped carry-on.
He made a happy sound when James collapsed against him again, arms wrapping around him and face snuggling into his hair. He pressed a kiss to the soft spot behind his ear, fingers tracing a light path through his hair. He'd never thought he'd get to hold him like this again. Twice in one night seemed almost too good to be true, but he wasn't questioning it for now. Better just to take good things as they were given to him, and deal with the bad the same way.
--
James was quite content to be turned into a permanent boyfriend backpack and never have to leave Grantâs side. He didnât really ever want to have to say goodbye, however temporary, but he knew that was going to be their eventual reality. He loved the sight of that pout, but hated that he had put it there at all.
A soft shiver escaped him at the kiss behind his ear and he snuggled in with a happy noise. Twice in one night for cuddling like this was absolutely unheard of for him. He brushed his lips over his neck and shoulder softly, tucking his hands back under his shirt against his side. âOne Jamie blank or,â he murmured quietly.
--
He wasn't looking forward to tomorrow's separation, but he also trusted that they'd manage it and still find ways to be close. Knowing he had reasons to be in contact with him all weekend was reassuring, as were their plans for Sunday. He told himself not to turn into that guy, the kind who only existed as half a relationship, but for now he wasn't going to worry too much about something that was making both of them happy.
"My favorite kind," he murmured back, lightly stroking the soft skin just beneath the edge of his shirt. It was better than a weighted blanket, and he was guessing just as good for anxiety. He felt relaxed and safe under the warmth of him, the soft touches and kisses reassuring him that he was there and this was real; he wasn't just going to vanish when he woke up.
--
He could never just go radio silent on Grant, especially not now. Songs, photos, text messages, they were all things he would fill his weekend with to share his life with him even though they werenât together. He didnât think either of them would turn into those people, they both led their own lives already and he would never ask him to give that up. They made one another happy, and they deserved to celebrate that, but they were both more than that.
âIâll be your blanket any time you like,â he assured him. It was comforting for him as well, and it was so easy to sink into him. âIâll be here, sweetheart, all night,â he reassured both of them that this wasnât a dream. âWe can have breakfast before you leave,â he suggested.
--
"Happy to return the favor." He smiled, glad to make himself available for cuddles at any time. The reassurance made his throat unexpectedly tight, with that uncanny ability James had to guess where his mind was. Grant had considered that maybe he'd snapped and was making all this up, but if that was the case, his mental breakdown was years too late. He didn't say anything, instead sliding both hands over his back beneath his shirt and wrapping his arms a little tighter around him.
His face dipped into the crook of his neck, and he pressed a soft kiss there. "I'd love to have breakfast with you." He thought it might ease the separation a bit, or at least give them time to wake up and adjust to the idea, much as he wanted James to get some proper rest. He hoped he'd be able to go back to sleep once he left if he needed to.
--
James had no way to be sure that he wasn't entirely out of his mind except for the warmth and firmness of Grant's body under him. He didn't think a mental break could be quite that real, especially not with anything he hadn't had before that night. His fingers slid so they were tucked under his sides, his thumbs brushing soft paths back and forth.
"Good, I can make sure you're okay before you leave," he murmured softly. It was important to him to know that Grant was okay and taken care of in any way that he could manage it. He knew he wouldn't leave before Grant did, not in a million years. "And it makes our time apart even less," he said, feeling a little triumphant over t.
--
"I'm better than okay," he assured him quietly, still warmed by the fact that James wanted to take care of him as much as Grant wanted to care for him. It looked like a lot of things: snuggles and soft kisses, making sure he got a decent meal or a good night's sleep, texing while they were apart, or just being there to share it when life got heavy. They'd both lived without it for a long time and knew it was possible. Grant just didn't want him to have to anymore.
His hands stroked a lazy path in response. He was probably incapable of stopping it at this point. Touching him was as natural as breathing. He hummed softly in amusement, unable to help a smile. "I see your master scheme now," he teased. He wasn't sure who was more guilty of trying to get more time with each other. More fun that it was a team effort, anyway.
--
"I would like to keep you that way," the admission was soft and accompanied by a soft kiss to his neck again. He'd lived so long without someone there caring for him or for him to care for that he wasn't sure he'd find a way to mess it up eventually. He just had a visceral need to take care of Grant that he couldn't, and didn't want to, shake.
The soft touches made him sigh happily and snuggle closer as though it would get him more of them. He liked hearing him amused and happy and it made him smile against his skin before picking himself up just enough to look at his face. "Yep, big plans right here," he smiled slowly before leaning in to kiss him softly.
--
He shivered slightly under his lips and the soft, earnest way he said that. If James thought he wasn't very good at being romantic, he was wrong. Grant could think of few things more romantic than I want to take care of you and meaning it. It wasn't something he could have understood at nineteen, but he understood it now. "Me too, sweetheart," he whispered.
Snuggling closer would always get him more pets. He pressed soft kisses against his hair, his hand tracing a lazy path up and down his spine. "I don't mind as long as I'm part of them." He couldn't do anything but smile back. He was so goddamn adorable it was practically a crime. He tipped his head into the kiss, soft and lingering.
--
He was already addicted to the feeling of Grant's hands running through his hair, the soft kisses there, all of it. He wanted to arch into the hand leaving soft trails of heat over his spine, but he also wanted to press closer. It was a ridiculous conundrum he found himself in but didn't want to not have.
Lingering over that soft kiss was sweet and he never wanted it to end. He did pull back just enough to talk, his lips brushing his still slightly. "Baby, you're all of my plans," he admitted, his voice a little husky with it.
--
Physical touch was a cornerstone they'd both been without for a while. He'd let himself forget how much he needed the soft brushes of hands on skin or the warm weight of another body next to him. He thought he could easily spend the rest of his life just holding James close, trading soft kisses, and talking about nothing, which was somehow everything.
It was hard not to chase his lips this time even though he didn't go far. He couldn't tell if it was his voice when he said it, or the baby because his pet names had always had a way of melting Grant from the inside, or the way he knew James meant everything that he said, but the words sent a hot slide of heat down his spine. He freed one of his hands to slide it into his hair, letting a little more heat into it as he caught his lips in another kiss.
--
There was no way he would ever be able to keep himself from responding so readily to Grant, especially not like this. A rough groan was punched out of him from the heat in this new kiss, returning it in equal measure. His hands slid firmly under him to spread across his back, loving the weight of him pressed between him and the bed.
He pulled back out of the kiss just enough to nip at his bottom lip lightly, a scrape of teeth over that all too tempting swell. He pressed back into another kiss, sliding deeper and adding more heat because he needed Grant to know how much he felt for him. He couldn't keep it to himself, not in these soft moments that were all theirs and so easily committed to memory.
--
James moaning into his mouth was enough to wreck what was left of his train of thought, all of his remaining focus narrowing to the lips on his and the warmth of the man in his arms. It was devastating how he seemed to read exactly what he wanted and offer it without hesitating. Grant never wanted him to have to hide his feelings, good or bad.
His hands tightened slightly, holding him close as he melted into the kiss. He shivered at the soft scrape of teeth, nails running lightly over his scalp in encouragement as he pressed hungrily back into the kiss. A soft, needy sound escaped him at the slow, deep heat of it. He wanted to kiss him and keep kissing him, to sink into him and never resurface.
--
James never would have claimed to be able to just tell what Grant wanted, but he knew what he wanted himself and could only ever hope it aligned with Grant's wants and needs. He would never hesitate to offer anything of himself to him, his care, his heart, this was the easiest to give him.
He loved feeling those clever hands tightening and the way he shivered under him. Between the scrape of nails and that sound, he was lost and there was no real active thought. The kiss sank deeper, his hand sliding up his back to slip his fingers into the hair at the back of his head to tip it just enough to plunder just that much deeper. He would drown in this, let himself stay under, there was already nothing in the world but them, but this.
--
There was nothing he wanted more right now than exactly what he had, and that was James kissing him like the world started and ended with the two of them. The regret of pulling away from him that first time still hadn't completely left him, and he'd promised himself it would never happen again. He wanted everything that James offered so freely; he would take it and keep it safe.
He moaned softly when he tilted his head for a new angle, and he couldn't stop the way he melted completely under him. His fingers tangled in his hair, keeping him close while that clever mouth took him apart. There was no end goal or ulterior motive, neither of them trying to take it any further. James's mouth was a whole world by itself, and he'd be content just to kiss him for the rest of the night.
--
James's world did start and end with the two of them when they were together. Everything and everyone else was extra. So softly, and so willingly, he handed everything he was into Grant's hands, trust him with it and hoping he would treasure it. A part of him knew that he would, that his was wholly mutual on nearly every level, but he couldn't help but hold that hope in place.
All he wanted was to kiss Grant until they both forgot anything else, until everything was narrowed down to just that. He wanted to feel that soft, sweet surrender of him that was made all the better because it was for him. The soft, pliant heat of him made him groan softly because it was better than anything he could have imagined.
--
Grant was only too happy to reorient his world with James at the center. It felt right, as though something that had long been off balance had settled into place. It had always been that way with him though. He knew that they both had the ability to damage the other beyond repair if they didn't move carefully with this, but he trusted that in James's hands was the best possible place for his heart. Grant had to trust that he could keep his safe as well, that he could protect James even from his own sharp edges.
But there was no room for worry about that right now. All his finer thinking had been abandoned in favor of soft lips and hands and the gentle heat building between them. If he wanted surrender, then he had it. Grant was relaxed and yielding under him as long as he didn't stop. His fingers traced out the soft contours of his back while hot, languorous kisses started a slow fire in him set to burn away every last doubt.
--
James would have happily spent all night until the sun came up kissing Grant. The driving need for both of them to properly rest eventually took over, though, and after a (long) while, he slowly pulled back and soothed them both with soft touches and equally soft looks. Staying settled over him, it was easy to let sleep take over.
The sound of an alarm clock made him groan and bury his face. There was a brief pause when it wasnât his pillow he was trying to burrow into. Instead, a comforting and familiar smell and warmth met him and he smiled softly. He seemed to have done his best octopus impression in his sleep and he gently tightened his limbs. âMorning,â he rumbled out quietly, voice sleep rough and low.
--
He kissed him until there were no thoughts left that weren't James, and then a little longer. He didn't protest when they settled into cuddles and soft touches. He wanted James to get some sleep, and it wouldn't be a terrible idea for him either. He was surprised by how quickly he drifted off though, soothed by the warm weight of his body over him.
Grant was awake before his alarm, a terrible habit he had, but with James octopused around him, he couldn't reach his phone to turn it off without disturbing him. Waking him would defeat the purpose, so he stayed where he was and enjoyed his warmth and the soft sound of his breathing until it went off. "Morning, sweetheart," he murmured, arms tightening around him and face snuggling into his hair.
--
This was a way he could get very used to waking up, frighteningly quickly. He wanted it to be his new normal, to hear that voice first thing in the morning before he even chose to open his eyes. He brushed a soft kiss to his neck and shoulder with a content hum, releasing one arm from his hold to brush down his side.
âHow did you sleep?â He lifted up his head to look at that much adored face with a soft expression. His lips brushed over his jaw gently, a gentle show of affection that he was happy to be able to do.
--
He liked everything about waking up with James in his bed, but there was nothing about the past twelve hours he wouldn't want to repeat on a daily basis. It was exactly the kind of life he wanted to build with him. Much as he hated to leave today, it made him warm to think he had someone he didn't want to leave, someone to come home to.
"Good. You?" Better than he'd expected to. He closed his eyes under the soft kisses, running a hand idly down his back. The soft look on his face when he opened his eyes stole his breath for a moment, and he lightly brushed fingers down the side of his face. "You're beautiful," he murmured. He wanted to wake up to this every morning and fall asleep in his arms every night.
--
He lifted a hand to brush through all that soft blonde hair, already addicted to the sight of him in the morning. âProbably the best sleep Iâve had in a very long time,â he admitted against soft skin. Sleep wasnât something that often came easily, so he knew to never look a gift horse in the mouth.
He leaned into that soft brush of fingers, his eyes fluttering slightly. âSo are you. Officially my favorite thing to wake up to,â he said softly. He couldnât wait for this to be their daily life, to fall asleep and wake up together, to share all the moments small and large.
--
"I'm glad." He smiled, happy to know that James felt comfortable enough here not just to sleep but to sleep well. Grant knew he wasn't a cure for insomnia, or anything else, but he was grateful for anything that helped even a little. He tipped his head into that touch, all but purring like a cat.
"I was just thinking I want to do this all the time," he admitted softly. He stroked the side of his face again before fingers slid into his hair in the soft pets he seemed to love so much. This part was kind of new. They'd never reached the point where they got to live together, and any mornings he got to wake up next to him were rarer than he'd liked. Being an adult wasn't always fun, but there were so many downsides to being a teenager.
--
He scratched his nails lightly across his scalp as he kept up the soft brushes through his hair, enjoying the sight of him like that. Grant could fix a lot of things for him, and he knew it, but he didn't want to put him in the position of thinking it was his lot in life. He was so much more than that, always had been.
"I do too," he admitted in return, knowing they wouldn't keep themselves from it too often now. His eyes finally fluttered shut and he definitely pushed into the hand stroking through his hair. If he had to choose one favorite display of affection that wasn't kisses or anything of that vein, that was it. He could vividly remember the times they got to wake up together, and there weren't many. This was an advantage to adulthood.
--
He made a soft, contented sound at the touch. He would fix everything for James if he could, even though he knew that relationships didn't work like that. He could do this much though, and more, to make sure he was loved and cared for. It wasn't a fix for everything, but it had a way of making the hard parts a little more bearable.
It continued to amaze him how effortlessly they seemed to be on the same page so far. They'd clicked immediately when they were younger too, but Grant would have said it was impossible as an adult. He would have been wrong. He continued the soft pets, tipping his head up to brush a few light kisses against his neck. He could see them both easily getting distracted if mornings like this became a habit.
--
He wanted to be the cause of more sounds like that, knowing he made him that relaxed and happy. They were both going to have to work on the art of give and take, but he had a feeling they would figure it out. It would make everything better for both of them in the long run if they could.
His breath hitched at the soft kisses and he tipped his head to give him room for more. Morning distractions seemed like the most perfect thing to him if they were caused by Grant. A soft hiss of air through his teeth was all he had before he rolled them over so he could look up at Grant with soft eyes. "You're the best thing I've ever seen," he admitted, his hand trailing through his hair again.
--
No relationship was without its problems, but he thought they were doing alright working through them so far. They both wanted to handle them together, and that was a start. Grant had opened up more to him in the past week than anyone else in the past three years, or longer.
He couldn't help a soft laugh as they switched places, and he settled himself more firmly over him, deciding he liked it here just as well. "I think your bar is a little low," he teased, but it was obvious by the way he bit his lip on a smile that he was touched by the comment. He ran a hand up his side over his shirt and dipped his head to press soft kisses to his neck the way he'd been doing before he was so rudely interrupted.
--
The sound of that laugh made his chest even warmer than it already felt at his wakeup. His arm wrapped firmly around his waist, holding him flush to him as the other stayed in his hair. "No, sweetheart, it's awfully high, you're just that damn beautiful," he pointed out, leaning up to brush a kiss over the corner of his mouth softly before laying back down.
When the kisses continued, he tipped his head for him again to give him all the room he could want. He didn't want him to go on his trip, but he refused to be the clingy boyfriend when Grant was doing what he needed to do for his career. He knew it would be a weekend full of photos, music, text messages, and that he would see him in just a few days. For now, he was going to be greedy and soak up all of the attention he could.
--
Morning or not, there were moments with him where he felt like he was seventeen again. Laughing with him and being a little silly, James being sweet and too charming by half, and Grant feeling tongue-tied by his flirting was definitely one of them. He hummed happily into the kiss, pressing his palm against the warmth of his skin at his side.
"Sweetest man alive," he murmured against his skin. He continued the soft trail of kisses down his neck and then forced himself to pull back before he was tempted to do more. He didn't want to tease him too badly knowing that he didn't have time to follow through on it. He tucked an arm under his chin instead, gazing down at that adored face. "I need to shower, and then breakfast?"
--
Anything he could do to make him happy, to make him feel loved and appreciated, he was going to do. "Why are you talking about yourself?" He said the question teasingly, but he couldn't help but think how Grant was the sweetest person he had ever known. He would admit to bias, but it didn't change anything.
His hand continued its trail through his hair, nails leaving their trail against his scalp as he looked at him. "I'll start breakfast while you shower," he decided on a soft murmur, giving a good soft scritch just behind his ear.
--
He laughed softly and let it go because he wasn't going to win a most charming fight with James Lane. It was also bad manners to keep brushing off compliments, even if he didn't agree with them. There was a time and place for self-deprecation, and it wasn't in bed with his cute boyfriend. Or whatever. They hadn't really clarified past dating, but he liked the sound of it.
He tipped his head into that touch, and then leaned down to kiss the corner of his mouth. "You don't have to do that. Stay and rest. We can do something quick." He knew full well that James was going to do whatever he wanted, and nothing Grant said was going to change that. But it was good to lay the options out anyway. He kissed him again and reluctantly slid off him.
--
He tipped his face up into that soft kiss, a soft smile filling his face. "Uh huh, sure," the words were obviously placating, because there was no way he wanted to stay in bed if Grant wasn't in it with him at this point. He appreciated the out, the blatant expression that he wasn't expected to do anything but be there.
As he slid off him, James pouted slightly and shifted to the edge of the bed. Reaching out, he stood and snagged him, pulling him close with a small smirk. He wrapped his arms carefully before tipping him low and kissing him deep and slow for a moment before righting both of them and giving him another soft quick kiss. "Enjoy your shower," he murmured before stepping away and going to the kitchen.
--
"Uh huh," he echoed, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. He recognized the placation, but he didn't argue further. James made his own choices, and it wasn't a surprise he picked the sweet one. Grant didn't make it far before he was pulling him close again, and he went easily back into his arms. That kiss was at odds with the silliness of the gesture, and he didn't know whether to laugh or go weak-kneed when they straightened back up. He ended up somewhere in the middle.
Only the fact that he had to be somewhere on time kept him from tugging him back in again and describing what would really make his shower enjoyable. There wasn't time this morning for everything he wanted to do to him, so he just watched until he vanished through the door and then tried to set himself back on track. He kept the shower quick and dressed before heading out to the kitchen.
--
If he hadn't walked away, he would have been tempted to make Grant very very late, but he never wanted to do that to him. It was better for him to walk away and do what he could to make sure he ate and was taken care of. He was glad he had helped him cook last night, so he had an idea of where most things were to make cooking easier on himself.
It was quick work to get coffee and omelettes working, loaded with vegetables and cheese. When he saw Grant come back out, he smiled easily and went to meet him. "Feel better?" His eyes drifted over his face, pleased to see how well-rested he looked.
--
He went right for James like a magnet, wrapping his arms around him and brushing a soft kiss over his lips. "I feel great." Except for the fact that he had to leave, he felt better than he had in days, and that was mediated by knowing they'd still get to talk. "How are you?" He pulled back enough to study his face, looking for signs that he needed more rest, but his eyes weren't as shadowed as yesterday and he looked happy.
He didn't move out of the circle of his arms, but his gaze flicked to the stove. It smelled amazing, and James cooking in his kitchen made him unreasonably happy. He hadn't just made him breakfast; he'd kind of insisted on it, and Grant knew he was smiling like an idiot. "Anything I can help with?"
--
He went happily into the circle of his arms, wrapping his arms around his waist and tucking himself close as he tipped his face up to meet his kiss. "Good, I'm glad," he smiled with a gentle squeeze of his arms. One good night of rest could do a lot, and he knew he needed more but he was already better than he'd been the day before. "I'm great, baby," he reassured him, brushing a soft kiss along his jaw.
Watching his face, he was indescribably happy at being able to take care of him, to cook for him. He wanted to keep that look on his face as often as he could. "You could pour our coffee," he chuckled, brushing a soft kiss over the corner of that beautiful smile. "Black for me, please."
--
He loved how easily James fit against him, like he was meant to be there, and he let himself relax into that embrace. He was having another brief moment of this can't be my life. It looked so different from this time yesterday that it was like being dropped into a pleasant dream he didn't want to wake up from. "Good," he murmured, tightening his arms around him.
"Okay." He smiled, reaching up to run fingers through his hair. He stole another soft, lingering kiss, because it seemed like a crime to not kiss him whenever possible, before moving away to pour coffee into two mugs. Grant only drank it if there were at least two other things in it making it taste less like coffee, so they were easy to tell apart as he brought them to the table.
--
His head tilted into that sweet touch and didnât want it to stop, but he knew he had food on the stove and they had to get moving for Grant to be on time. It was natural to meet every kiss he decided to give, hoarding them away to get him through the next few days. Somehow he had stumbled into a whole new life in a week and he didnât want it to disappear on him.
He wanted this to be their normal, to be able to take care of Grant and be taken care of in return, because he knew he would be. His fingers brushed along him as they separated and he finished their breakfast as he made their coffee. It was quick work to flip the omelettes onto their plates and top them. Grabbing forks, he carried the plates to the table and set them down, leaning to kiss him softly before sitting in his own seat.
--
He took a seat while James finished the cooking and let himself enjoy the sight of him in his kitchen. He moved through it like he'd been there a hundred times. Grant wanted him to belong here, in his apartment, in his life. "Thank you for breakfast." He tipped his head up to meet the kiss and reluctantly let him slide away to sit. He was still behaving himself, but it was getting more difficult all the time.
He picked up his fork and started on his food. He couldn't remember the last time someone had cooked for him, and if he thought for too long about the care James offered so easily, he was going to lose what was left of his heart. "This is amazing." He'd yet to try any of James's cooking that wasn't.
--
âYouâre welcome, sweetheart,â he smiled softly, brushing a hand through his hair as he moved away because he couldnât help himself. He loved being able to do those small things, make him breakfast and pet his hair, all before their day had even properly started. It was all too easy to picture this being their life every day and he wanted it so much it was an ache in his soul, but he could handle that.
James wasnât able to care for Grant half as much as he wanted to, but all that would come with time, he knew. âGood. It will get you to lunch,â he said firmly in that way that said âyouâre going to eat lunch for me todayâ without actually saying it. He sipped on his coffee and took the simple pleasure of watching Grant for a moment, committing it to memory like a Polaroid.
--
Grant wanted to be able to give him this life, and everything else he wanted. Last week, he would have said he wasn't suited for it, that happy domestic life wasn't in the cards for him anymore. He'd made his peace with that around the time of the divorce. They weren't trying to fix it, there were no second chances, and he wouldn't even fit in that life anymore, not really. He wouldn't have imagined any of this for himself because he hadn't believed it was possible.
He huffed a quiet laugh at the not-quite-command. Unless he wasn't getting out of bed at all, Grant could usually manage two meals in a day. Three was sometimes asking a lot if he was absorbed in his work, but he could try if that made him happy. It wasn't like New York was short on great food options. "And you. Pictures or it didn't happen," he teased, gently nudging his knee beneath the table.
--
James wanted what would work for both of them, what would bring both of them some peace and happiness. It might not be the happy domesticity all the time because it wouldnât suit them all the time. He liked to think it would though, if given the real chance. He had never even had the chance at it, but he knew that it had been part of Grantâs life and he wasnât sure if it was wanted again or not.
James didnât care so much about three meals a day, he more cared that he was taking care of himself and eating when he was hungry. A soft laugh escaped him and he nudged him back softly. âPromise to eat when Iâm awake, sweetheart,â he assured him.
--
There was no going back. They both knew that. Whatever they were building together, it was something new that would fit the people they were now. He wasn't sure, yet, what that included, but he knew it was the first time in years he was even thinking about that kind of life. He nodded, accepting that. James was a grown man, and he'd taken care of himself all this time. He didn't need Grant hovering over him.
Breakfast was finished sooner than he would have liked, and he knew he was running out of time to stall. He couldn't be very bitter about it when he'd already stolen a whole extra night of his time, and would likely have more of it. He caught his hand and kissed it as he stood up to take their plates to the sink and start cleaning up.
--
There was no point in trying to draw breakfast out because he knew they were in a timeline. He had been greedy enough when he had agreed to stay last night. But stolen hours werenât enough, would never be enough when it came to Grant. He knew he would get more soon, but it felt so far away. That was how he knew he was truly sunk.
His breath caught at the soft kiss to his hand and he watched him all the way til he got to the sink before he got up. Walking into the kitchen, he slipped up behind him and wrapped his arm around his waist, plastering himself against his back and pressing a soft kiss to the back of his neck.
--
He didn't want just stolen hours with James. He felt greedy for time with him, as much as he could get without suffocating him or abandoning adult responsibilities or both. They'd already lost fifteen years and seemed to have come to the mutual agreement that they weren't wasting anymore.
He wrapped an arm over his and practically melted against him, a soft shiver running through him at the kiss. He reached back with his free hand, running a hand through his hair. "It's only a day, and I still hate leaving you," he admitted. It was already obvious how attached he was, so Grant didn't think he had anything to lose where that was concerned.
--
When that hand slid through his hair, he absolutely was lost and tightened his hold slightly. His lips brushed softly over the back of his neck, just letting him know he was still there. âI hate you leaving too,â he admitted softly, scraping his teeth lightly.
His arms tightened lightly and he brushed his lips over the soft skin of his neck again. âIâll be here when you get home, sweetheart,â he assured him. âLet me know when youâre home and when you want me to get here.â He knew he would be waiting for him, ready to be there the moment he was summoned.
--
He tightened his hold on him and bit back a moan at the soft brush of lips and teeth, James's body a solid line of warmth at his back. This was no time to get weak over him, but he'd always been able to strip away his defenses so easily. Not helped by the fact that Grant didn't even want to fight it.
"It'll be late tomorrow. I don't want to wake you." He badly wanted James to be here when he got home--or Grant could always go to him--but sleep was hard enough for him to come by. He wasn't going to selfishly wake him at all hours of the night just because he'd suddenly become codependent.
--
James let out a rumble of discontent, his eyebrows furrowing as he turned Grant in his arms. "Baby," he said, his tone slightly warning but definitely firm, "If you want me to meet you here, then here is where I am going to be." There was nothing that would change his mind on that because he had nowhere he would rather be.
His hand slid up into his hair, nails scratching lightly as he leaned in to kiss him softly. "I always want to be where you need me," he admitted softly. There was no way he would rest peacefully without him or knowledge he was okay anyway,
--
He turned easily, leaning back against the counter and pulling James in close. Grant knew he needed to get more comfortable asking for what he wanted, but it was going to take time to break the habit of trying not to need anything from other people. It was nice when they offered, but for the most part he couldn't count on it. He already trusted James to be there for him; he just wasn't used to asking.
It was the softer follow-up that did him in. He was so sweet it was actually painful sometimes. That someone who had lost as much as James had could still be kind blew his mind a little. He pressed into the kiss, soft and lingering, breaking it only to kiss along his jaw, fingers sliding into his hair. "Then I want you here, or I'll come to you," he murmured. One night without him sounded far more manageable.
--
He didn't mind shifting close to him, pressing himself against the long length of his body with a content hum. He didn't know how to ask for what he wanted, but he knew how to offer what he wanted Grant to have from him. He always wanted to be there for him, to be the person he knew would always be there at the start and end of the day.
His head tipped to let him have access to his jawline with a quiet sound of need. "Then I will be here," he assured him quietly, one hand sliding up his back to tangle into his hair. "Let me know when you're half an hour out, so I can be here." He wanted nothing more than to be here when he got home, to comfort him and help him settle back in.
--
The quiet, hateful voice in his head said he hadn't done anything to deserve someone as good to him as James was. The more logical one said that deserving had nothing to do with it. People didn't get what they deserved. They just did the best they could with what they were given, or they didn't. As long as James wanted to be here, he was keeping him as close as he could.
"I will." Teeth scraped lightly over his jaw before he soothed it with a kiss. He wanted to do a lot more than that, but not minutes before he had to leave. That wasn't fair to either of them, and he was going to have a hard enough time walking out the door. He drifted back to his lips, catching him in another soft kiss.
--
James knew that they both had a lot to work through when it came to what they thought they deserved or needed, and he was determined to prove that he was going to be there regardless. He wanted to be there, at Grant's side and watching his back, knowing he was protected and cared for.
"Good," he groaned out softly, the soft scrape of teeth making him shiver and press closer. He took the soft kiss and slowly backed Grant into the wall before deepening it fiercely. His hands settled themselves into his hair so he could tip his head just right to kiss him in a way he would remember until he came home. Slowly, he let him surface and softened the kiss, brushing his lips along his jaw when he finally broke away. "Go, do awesome things like I know you do... and come home to me," he murmured.
--
His breath caught when his back hit the wall, James's body a solid line of heat trapping him there. He sank into the kiss with a soft moan at the way he knew exactly how to deepen it so that he'd be thinking about him for the rest of the day, his hands making fists in the back of his shirt to draw him close and keep him there.
He was breathless when he pulled away, but nothing hit as hard as those last four words. It had been a very long time since he had someone to come home to, and the fact that it was James felt like grace. He managed to pull himself together enough to move away from the wall because if he didn't leave now, he wasn't sure he could be trusted to do it at all. He paused long enough to dig a key out of the drawer for him, pressing it into his palm as he leaned in to kiss him goodbye. If James beat him here tomorrow, he didn't want him stuck outside waiting. "Send me a playlist? I'll see you tomorrow."
--
James always wanted to be part of what Grant had to come home to, to be part of that softness that welcomed him home to relax and unwind. He barely managed to keep himself from pouting when he shifted away, watching him because he knew it was time. The key being pressed into his hand was a surprise that he couldn't keep his throat from tightening against.
"I'll clean up here," he assured him, his hand closing around the key like it was something precious to him, and it was. He wanted him to keep on with his successful career and continue to drive forward. "I'll have one to you very soon," he promised him, leaning to meet the kiss with a soft nip. "I'll see you before you know it, sweetheart," he reassured him, not liking that he was leaving but understanding why.
âMe, either,â she sighed. Carly aimed a close-lipped smile his way. âI think itâs fascinating to look at what other cultures believe. Iâm always up to learn, I just donât necessarily buy into it.â  Sheâd learned from plenty of people who were very passionate about their beliefs, and some who were also very passionate in sharing those beliefs. It still hadnât translated into anything she presently applied, because her life was too much about the present. Â
She relaxed as he validated and maybe even applied some meaning. After a quiet moment where she was absorbing and turning his words over, she nodded. âYouâre probably right. I was coming off a really hard loss, and I was very afraid I was going to lose him the same way, which means I didnât have the safety or security I probably needed. We were so close, I guess I hadnât thought of it that way. Either way, I know the problem was more with me and less with him. That concept has really dictated a lot of my adulthood, if Iâm being honest.âÂ
For a stranger, he couldâve saved her many awkward hours of conversation with her mom, who was a little too close to the situation to provide the insight he provided. If she hadnât lived under the same roof as a psychologist for so long, this exchange alone probably wouldâve saved her thousands in therapy, too.Â
His admission of foresight made her chuckle. âWell, thank you.â She sighed. âYou probably look really good doing it, too.â She didnât mean anything by it. Sheâd always carefully compartmentalized her friendships versus her romantic relationships. For as big of a mess as she made on a regular basis, that was one area she felt fairly confident in. However, the lack of crossover in the years since the first time sheâd really mixed those concepts also probably explained why sheâd never had a serious relationship. Maybe, it occurred to her, you should lean on Chandler for this stuff. Â
She rubbed her hands over her face and, on a deep exhale, relaxed and let go of all the hard feelings for the day.  âThat is really kind of you. Maybe I could buy you dinner to say thank you. Even if your boyfriend doesnât want to help a total stranger move, I could probably thank him for sharing you, too. Iâm sure your time is valuable.âÂ
.
"Learning is great. Believing is different. I think healthy skepticism is a better approach." He returned the small, wry smile. At least from what he'd observed, believing in things too hard only led to trouble, usually for other people. Then again, maybe he would be happier if he'd been able to give himself wholly to something like that.
He listened quietly to her explanation and found it easy to empathize. Being afraid to lose something had cost him a lot in the past too. He was trying not to let it cost him anything else. "Nobody makes their best choices when they're grieving or scared. And I guess knowing that's a problem for you is a good first step. It doesn't mean you won't repeat it, but at least you've got some warning."
He tipped his head back against the wall, smiling easily. "Well, that's the most important part." They'd already agreed they were friends and established that he was in a relationship, so he didn't take the comment at more than face value. He probably wouldn't have anyway. Until James literally stumbled back into his life, he hadn't believed he was ready for more than friendship with anyone.
"Acceptable terms," he agreed, offering his phone for her to text herself. More than was necessary, even, but he probably would have wanted to do the same and dinner wasn't unreasonable. "Just text me the time and place? My weekend is pretty open."
When the door opened, his smile broadened easily and he stepped into the apartment but all he could look at for a moment was Grant. He was the best thing he had seen since the last time heâd seen him and that deserved a second to just soak in. âIt wasnât too bad at all,â he shrugged lightly, used to navigating harder areas then anything D.C. had to throw at him. Reaching up, he brushed his hand over his cheek lightly, his thumb brushing over his cheekbone as he reassured himself that Grant was doing alright, his eyes searching his face for a moment with intent. âHi,â he murmured when he was satisfied.
He stepped away because if he gave in to the urge for more right then, he wasnât going to want to stop. Turning, he took a proper look at the apartment and his eyes widened in delight. âOh Grant,â he murmured happily as he stepped further inside. Everything felt soft and bright and it made sense to him that it was what he had wanted in a place to stay. He just kind of wanted to look at everything, Grant included.
.
It eased some of the weight off his shoulders just to be in the same space with him again. The smile directed at him was a soft warmth in his chest, and he reached for him before he could stop himself, content to brush his fingers over his. He didn't think the impulse to wrap himself around James and keep him close was ever really going to disappear, so he was going to have to get better at controlling it. He met his gaze, taking his own measure of James's well-being. He looked happy but tired in a way that made him want to tuck a blanket around him and snuggle him to sleep, and he was filing that option away for later.
His smile widened a little as he moved further into the space. That was a sight he could easily get used to. "You're welcome to look around. It's just a bedroom and an office that way." He tipped his head toward the hallway, open doors on either side, both fairly standard in his opinion. The space was tidy but lived-in, too many books on the bookshelf (and the ones in the office were worse), a couple pens and a practice sketchpad on the coffee table, a half-empty coffee mug on the counter.
He had coping strategies for days like that, but having James on his phone gave him something he wasn't used to having, and that was someone to help him get through it. He'd gotten so used to managing on his own that it was a little alarming to have someone close again-- and a little alarming how badly he wanted to reach out and take that offered hand. It was more than he could deal with in just a couple days, so he answered when he could and occasionally sent back a picture of his own, most of them drawings.
He'd been sleeping altogether too much, only dragging himself out of bed when it absolutely couldn't be avoided or the gray lifted enough to do some work. He was still sitting at his desk when the knock came, but there was no work being done. This close to their date, he was doing more gazing at nothing and thinking about James than anything. Since that was a pleasant change from the past few days, he didn't work too hard to stop it. He was already smiling when he opened the door, stepping aside to let him through. "Hi. Come in. I hope you didn't have trouble finding it."
The apartment building was old but lovingly restored, and Grant had loved it the first time he saw it. A wall of exposed brick ran through the center, dividing the living area from the bedrooms, and the rest was high ceilings and hardwood floors and windows because if he was going to spend all his time in a place, it needed air and light. There was an island counter dividing the kitchen instead of a wall, and the furniture and decor were a lot of reclaimed wood and local art, things he'd picked up at galleries or Brookland's Art Walk. Nothing really matched so much as it all just sort of complemented each other, nothing working too hard to draw the eye.
gummygunk
kaledo-art
theartofmadeline
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