âpillows expire after a yearâ âyou need new shoes every 6 monthsâ no thanks. even if thatâs true itâs stupid i think i can sleep on a slightly deflated pillow
NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.
Man if I had a nickel for everytime I sang Dead Girl Walking (yes, that one) with my full chest in the passenger seat of my own car, with my crush (who I'm hoping doesn't have tumblr) driving, I'd have two nickels.. which isn't a lot.. but it's weird that it happened twice (is it tho?)
I don't think my mom realizes that saying "guess you're special bc ur on a fucking golf cart.. I could've hit her." Is both not nor.al, and extremely telling-
Like no joke I went to go to sleep today, and lo and behold, there's a moth in my room. No big deal I think. WRONG.
This mf is now MIA and it's been like 8 hours, I slept in the fucking guest room bc I was NOT about to deal with a moth fluttering around my room while I slept.
I was literally crashing out over a fucking moth, I still am tbh. Fuck you, random moth in my room.
There's a unique kind of self loathing to neurodivergency that almost no media on the topic ever touches on in a way I find relatable. Of the Devil is the only time I've felt like someone "got it." It's what made it such a personal experience for me.
It's this.... trying so hard to be different. And failing. They tell you you're supposed to grow out of neurodivergency, that it's something you can overcome, defeat, if you just work hard enough. So you do work hard, you do everything they say, you follow all the advice, try everything. And none of it works. You try so hard to change, and the only thing you learn is how to mask. Nothing is different, you've just learned how to hide.
And then you start seeing yourself as this inhuman thing. Broken, since birth. The rest of your life will be spent pretending like you're human. But you'll know you're different. And there's nothing you can do. And nobody understands.
Btw, this was written MONTHS ago, back in February, then I lost motivation to write it :3
Opening: Angel getting to work?
- Angel is definitely traumatized from their previous partner
- Ren knows? Got rid of them, but theyâd already done quite a bit of damage to Angel
-Angelâs parents are unaware of the abuse
âAngel? Did you still wanna go wâme to the store later?â Ren was still on his bike, helmet resting on the gas tank as he watched the person of his dreams, his desires, his obsessions.
âHuh..? Oh- yeah, of course! Whatâre we havin for dinner again?â Theyâd been spacing out more than usual, struggling to stay focused on things, responding slower. It was obvious they were struggling but they wouldnât tell anyone what was wrong, not even Moth knew. âI gotta go clock in.. Iâll see you later..â
Ren watched as his Angel went into the library, he waited awhile before putting his helmet back on. Heâd probably stick around the area while he waited for them to get done with work, maybe bring them a snack or coffee later on.
They did their work on auto pilot, Elanor would catch them just staring off into space, she was worried for her colleague. Conan pulled them aside at some point, asking if they were alright, though seeing their thousand yard stare he ultimately decided to have them leave work early. They called Ren, who of course picked up on the first ring, he usually did.
âRen..? Uh.. could you come pick me up? I left work early..â They were quieter than usual as they spoke, pacing the sidewalk slowly, picking at a scab on their collarbone.
âOf course Angel, Iâll be there in a few minutes.. But are you okay?â Heâd been right around the corner, sitting at a cafe while he played some random mobile games. While he got up and went to his bike they responded, a quiet âyesâ was all they could muster before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone. They paced around slowly, still picking at the scab on their collarbone, though the actual scab was long gone, small specks of blood had beaded in the most center part of the small wound.
It didnât take Ren longer than a couple minutes to get to the library, he called out to Angel but they didnât notice for a moment, lost in thought until he called for them again. Once they registered who it was they walked over and put their helmet on, Ren adjusting the straps as usual before they got onto the motorcycle. He wouldnât go until he was sure Angel was feeling secure on the bike.
Ren was keeping an eye on Angel as they walked through the store together, noting how quiet and withdrawn they were, it was so unlike them. His heart ached, wanting to help them, make them smile again.. They continued through the store just as quiet, itâd been nearly two years since they left, two years since they realized they couldnât stay. It was terrifying to leave, theyâd been on edge the whole time, only taking the most important things.
God.. how had it already been two years? What had they even been doing..? They couldnât remember a lot of it, so many things had happened, and theyâd reunited with some friends- met new ones.. Theyâd met Ren.. he was so sweet, definitely a change of pace.. They didnât even realize theyâd gotten done with the store and gone back to Renâs apartment, which truthfully had basically become theirs too, given how much time theyâd been spending there. They watched as Ren went to the kitchen, putting groceries away.. What had he said before? Something about food.. Dinner? Was he making dinner? They went to the kitchen, wanting to help, they should help with dinner.. Right?
âAngel? Did you need something?â He watched them, they were clearly spaced out as they shook their head and grabbed a pan out to cook up what they were gonna have for dinner.. What were they having?
âWhat.. what are we having for dinner again..? I.. I canât remember.. Iâm sorry..â They felt guilt wash over them, how could they forget something so simple? Ren sighed a bit and stepped towards Angel, though they flinched back a bit, they hadnât done that for awhile.
âAngel- itâs okay.. Iâm not gonna do anythin tâyou.. We havenât decided on dinner yet..â He offered a hand, hoping theyâd take it, hoping theyâd confide in him their worries and troubles. His hopes were short lived though as they gave a reassuring smile.
âRight- so.. How about uh..â They looked at the groceries, thinking, racking their brain for ideas on dinner. They couldnât think, memories and emotions clouding their head, itâd been so sudden to them that they felt this way, but itâs been building for weeks, they just didnât notice. Ren did though, he saw the way they began to jump at small sounds, look over their shoulder in public, the way they began walking around quieter, closing the doors as quietly as possible. He was trying to help them but it wasnât really doing much, and somehow he knew pushing it would make it worse, perhaps it was from all the stalking he did, but who knows?
âI uh- I-I gotta use the bathroom- Iâll be back-â They stepped back before turning on their heel and going to the bathroom, vision beginning to blur as they went, tears welling in their eyes while they closed the door. They didnât even bother with the lights, it was dark, and the dark was safer. They slid down the wall, head in their hands as they began breathing faster, though everything else felt slow, they could hear their heart pounding in their head as their ears rang. They clutched their shirt, trying to catch their breath, though it seemed like an impossible task. Their lungs wouldnât fill, they kept trying, breathing faster as tears began falling. The seconds felt like hours, their muscles hurt, and their chest strung as their nails dug into it through their shirt. Words echoed in their ears, screams of anger, the sounds of dishes being thrown and broken. They clamped their hand over their mouth, muffling whatever noises theyâd been making, fear ripping through them like a wolf killing itâs prey. How long had they been in the bathroom? They had no clue, but they couldnât move, no matter how hard theyâd try, they couldnât move.
Eventually though, there was a small knock at the door, and their eyes snapped to it, their heart beat faster, and they tried to stay quiet, they couldnât be heard.. Right? They scooted away from the door, they were tempted to go under the sink, though it was close to the door.. It was the safest thing for now. It didnât take long for the door to slowly open, Ren peeking into the dark room, trying to figure out where they were.
âAngel..? Whatâs going on..? Are you okay?â He stepped in, looking around before looking under the sink, his eyes were soft, though it was hard to see with the limited light level. They were frozen, tears rolling down their cheeks, hand clamped over their mouth. Ren slowly reached for them, and they flinched away, turning their head away as if bracing for impact.
âOh- Angel.. I- I wonât hurt you- I just wanna help..â He spoke slower, not squishing his words together, he didnât want to startle them. It took awhile of just sitting quietly in the dark before they moved, they very slowly looked at Ren,
Shape-shifting is the ultimate power, no one can convince me otherwise. Like seriously, you can look however you want, sound however you want, and basically just exist as your ideal self, or as fictional characters, whatever floats your boat
blakekathryn
prguitarman
janainaart
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
dededos
