i've been musing a lot on what it actually means to "do what you want," something said often to directionless, underskilled early adults with poor social prospects, this supposedly freeing directive seen, somehow, as the final prize for surviving a childhood of being told exactly what to do. however well you once followed orders, you now can "do what you want." go forth unto your true adventure. You did it. You did it. no one can stop you any more. and the new adult stands in a field that stretches for many miles every which way with no path, or perhaps one or two paths staked uncertainly by guiding hands in differing directions, and the grass is long and the terrain uneven and the new adult stands in this field and asks to the sky, "what do i do," and the sky tells them, "whatever you want," and the field stretches for those many miles and the sun is harsh or the rain is fierce and perhaps the new adult begins to walk but perhaps they don't. and in that space of time within which they walk or don't, they stop being a new adult, and this aimless wandering begins to feel like a waste of time, or the hole they dug for shelter begins to feel like a trap. and the wanderer looks back along their path with despair, and the shelterer looks about their trap with desperation, and not once has either of them felt as though they have "done what they wanted," or had the faintest clue as to what that might be in the first place. and were the two ever to meet, there would be envy on both of their parts, for the wanderer would see in the trap only stability, and the shelterer would see in the endless slog only freedom. thus, to each of them, it seems as though their counterpart has "done what they wanted," and fulfilled the meaningless directive, where they themselves have failed. so there you have it
vaporwave
ellievsbear
jbbartram-illu
