Recently things have been going well. Like really, really well. There’s a post that has gone around for years now where someone mentions how they really didn’t expect to live past 25 and now that they’re there, they really have no idea what they’re doing. And I’m feeling that a lot recently and have been having a lot of thoughts around what success continues to look like moving forward and what makes me feel proud and fulfilled. I am incredibly goal oriented, and in my eating disorder that was obviously highly problematic, but it’s also been hugely beneficial in my recovery. Over the past 5 years, I have been able to build a life for myself that I really never imagined possible. I went from being in the hospital, no real desire to be alive, on food stamps, without a place to live, and working odd jobs to simply survive - to being mentally well, developing and mending relationships, to just recently being promoted into a senior level role, living very comfortably, and no longer living in the same level of fear that all of a sudden I could once again wind up with nothing and living on the streets of the city.
This is the place that I always aspired to get to. I never actually thought it was possible. I always thought I would be fighting or struggling to survive. But somehow, now, I am here. And I don’t know where to go or what to do from here. This is where my goals and dreams had ended. What I do know is that from here, I want to be able to now give even a fraction of the love and support I’ve received from others who helped me survive and put that back out into the world. I’m just not sure how to do that yet. I’m 27 years old - there’s a lot of life left to live. I am so grateful and proud of where I’ve come to. I just have no idea where to go from here and quarantine has been giving me way too much space to existentially crisis about this lol.
