Fantasies and Realities of a Cocksucker

This is a blog about a 40+ year old male that has ended up sucking cocks of strangers while fantasising being a bondage sissy slut serving a master and/or a mistress. It's a reflection of the past and how I have become a cocksucker and the ongoing journey of a human sex toy wishing to become an object of pleasure for someone in the future. This is the story of an obedient submissive seeking someone dominant to pleasure on an ongoing basis.

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What I really want … [Fantasies - Part I]

hese are still the phantasies that I seek to make real.

(1) I´m tied to a bench. My cock is locked up in a micro chastity cage. My hands are tied to my back, my legs are spread, my feet tied to my thighs. My mouth is gagged. A rope pulls my torso and my head up to the ceiling. I struggle breathing - I´m getting spanked and fucked in the arse. I am nothing but a sissy vagina for your pleasure.

(2) I kneel on the floor. My cock is locked up in a micro chastity cage. My legs are spread with a rope which is attached to both ends of a long pole. The pole pulls my elbows back and straightens my spine. My hands are tied to my upper arms around the pole. The anal hook in my arse is attached to a chain around my neck which strangles me. I´m blindfolded and gagged. - Spank me and remove the gag and force me to suck and teach me how to deepthroat. I am nothing but a sissy mouth cum dumpster.

(3) I´m captured in a small, tiny cage like a dog for 3 days and nights. My cock is locked up in a micro chastity cage. A catheter is inserted through my penis into the bladder. My urine is therefor constantly drained from inside me. No need for me to be freed at all anymore; not even for toilet training. I´m not getting anything to eat except for old dry bread and I´m not getting anything to drink except for your/mine urine. You wee in my mouth and treat me like a dog. You hit me and torture me with bondage. You slowly insert a hollow pole into my arse and just leave it there. You also explore how deep various sized objects go down my throat. Of course, I have to service you as well. I am nothing but a sissy slave object.

(4) I´m hogtied and hang helplessly from the ceiling. My cock is locked up in a micro chastity cage. I have to satisfy you with my mouth. You spank me occasionally before you fuck my mouth again. Once you have enough, you gag me and let me hang there. Then you start fucking my mouth again - over and over again. You cum deep down my throat, on my face, my body and wherever you please. I am nothing but a sissy oral bondage slut.

(5) My hands are tied to the back and pulled up with a rope to the ceiling. My cock is locked up in a micro chastity cage. A hook penetrates deep into my arse. Its end is tied to a rope that is also attached to the ceiling. My feet are tied. - Spank me very hard for as long as you want. Then rape my mouth. Once your cock is really hard, gag me, take the hook out my arse, penetrate me and fuck me like a real man. Make me suck your cock clean. Shoot your cum wherever you please for as often as you want. This can last for hours. I am nothing but a sissy fuck slut.

I love to be tied up helplessly with a chastity cage around my cock. That tells me that I´m not a subject, not a human anymore, but an object, like a chair or any other furniture, a sex object with only one utility; to be used for your pleasure.

I want to surrender and serve as a sex slave.

What do you want?

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My love for licking pussy

Not that I had a strong desire for vagina after living pussy free for nearly 2 years but I wanted to have my cock sucked again. And cock sucking was something that women do. 

I didn't want to have an intimate love relationship anymore and committed to open relationships only at the time. I was honest about it. Most of the time I had two women going simultaneously; occasionally even up to three. It was a very busy time. As one can imagine, organising catch ups (of mostly sexual nature) required some planning skills. The easiest way to be everybody's toy boy was essentially to wake up in the one bed and going to sleep in another - and then repeat. 

Given my two previous long term relationships I was a very experienced and confident pussy licker. It was wonderful to getting complimented by multiple women on my cunnilingus skills. And I genuinely loved giving oral to a woman. 

In return I very often received a blow job or could penetrate their vaginas. Going down on women made me incredibly horny and generally I would not last long. And as I was licking pussy after pussy my desire to ejaculate became less and less. I didn't really want to ejaculate anymore and was simply satisfied when I made her pussy orgasm while being left untouched with a boner. 

Unfortunately none of the women could understand that and wanted me to fuck them regardless. Whilst to a degree satisfying, of course, it became more and more clear that in fact I was enjoying giving oral much more than receiving. And over time I started developing a strong desire to serve someone, preferably a dominant mistress. I guess, secretly I has hoping that such a person would ultimately also force me to suck cock. 

Hence, I started searching for a mistress online but it became soon clear that without paying for such a service the idea of becoming someone's slave would remain just another fantasy. I found some pleasure by calling myself secretly a toy boy and pussy licker. And that's what I was back then, a sex object for pleasure. 

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1st time living alone - sissy life

After the relationship with my second love fell apart I moved to a new city and finally lived the first time in my life just by myself in a small apartment. It was exactly what I always wanted. I could finally live out my bondage and dress up fantasies. 

I started shaving my entire body and would walk around in my home dressed up as sexy woman. I'd be wearing stockings and high heels, a nice negligee and a bra stuffed with socks. And, of course, my penis would always be neatly tucked away in a rubber penis prison or tied back to my arse while waring sexy panties. 

This was also around the time when I started a little bit of anal play. I remember clearly the first dildo I bought. It was 24cm in length and 4cm in diameter. To this point, I had never been really that much into anal play, neither receiving or giving. And to be honest, whilst I had some enjoyable moments, I could not really include it into my bondage play. The simple truth was that after a while wearing a 24cm dildo up my arse, the urge to go to the bathroom for a shit would become so intense that it was simply not enjoyable anymore. 

What was enjoyable though, was being tied up whilst dressed up as sexy woman and waiting for the ice in a little bottle to melt. That's where the keys were inaccessibly stored away; the keys that ultimately would allow me to regain my freedom again - after many hours that easily could last a whole night. 

Mostly I tied myself up whilst lying on my mattress so I could also fall into a broken sleep if needed to be. However. in this particular apartment there was also a hook drilled into the ceiling. On inspection day, I knew exactly what this hook could be used for. That was the key reason why I chose this apartment over any others I visited. 

Most of the time, I played with the hook living out bondage fantasies. However, I always ensured I could get free anytime I wanted. Over time I got more and more familiar with the hook in the ceiling and decided to freeze the keys safely in that little bottle. And then I prepared myself the usual way.

I got dressed as a woman, wearing high heels and stockings. I wore my sexy panties and tied my penis to my arse. I put make up on and a wig. I wore a nice negligee over my shaved smooth body, painted my toe and finger nails and secured a mouth gag harness over may head. My torso was also tied up. 

I tied my ankles together and my knees as well and attached the frozen bottle to the rope around my ankles. Then I tightened a belt around my neck. I further limited my movements via a stiff stick along my spine that I would attach to the belt around my neck and secure it with two further belts around my belly and hips. This was keeping my spine straight. My whole body was stiff whilst carefully balancing on the high heels.

A string attached to the hook on the ceiling was pre-prepared. I tied the string with a double knot to the back of the belt around my neck. This would keep me standing straight with no chance to free myself. In a last step, I slid the handcuffs under the rope around my torso and closed them around both of my wrists. Now I was truly shackled with no choice other then waiting for the water in the bottle to melt so I could undo everything. 

I was standing like this for a very, very long time...

And the pain that I felt after a an hour or so, the desperation and helplessness that became more and more as time went past... all of it was incredibly joyful ... and challenging too, of course. 

I don't know how many hours I stood like this. Time went very, very slow... and I wished someone had tortured me with a whip. 

[openmouth4cock]

Hogtied for real

Another key moment I clearly remember with my second love was the first and only time that I got hogtied by someone for real. We had two handcuffs that we occasionally used for sex play. These were made from proper metal. Once they were around your wrist you could not get them off and if they were too tight they cut into your skin. 

I asked her whether she would want to tie my ankles and wrists to the back with the chains of both handcuffs going over cross - a simple hogtie with 2 handcuffs. She was a bit hesitant but finally I could convince her that I really would like to do this. I told her she did not have to do anything and that I would try it myself and that I may needed some help (which I knew that I would not need it).

I put the first handcuff around my ankles. Then I lied on my side with my hands on my back. The second handcuff klicked around my left wrist. I pulled my legs closer to my hands. I wrapped the chain around the other handcuff's chain. I put my right wrist into the handcuff and .... klick. 

This was the first time I felt complete helplessness. This was the first time only one other person would be able to untie my. I was hogtied for real. The handcuffs cut into my skin. It was painful and I loved every single second of it. My penis was rock hard. 

She wasn't quite sure what to do next so I asked her to roll me on my belly as I could not do it myself. Then I asked her to position her vagina right in front of my face so I could lick her. She did as I told her and I licked her pussy. It was so good. I could have done that for hours if it hadn't been that tough on my neck. I would have loved her to simply grab my hair and fuck my face with her pussy really hard. However, I did not dare to ask. 

Instead she wanted to fuck me. Given the position I was in, that did not work well and proved pretty much impossible. Instead she gave me a blow job and I shot a massive load down her throat. That orgasm was ecstatic. One of the best in my entire life.

Unfortunately, we would never do it again. However, I also would never forget the helplessness and the pure joy I felt licking her pussy. 

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First time dressed as a woman

By then I probably would have been around 22 years young and still together with my second love. She always wanted an experience with a woman and I wanted to dress up as a woman ever since watching shemale porn. A threesome was out of question as she was way to conservative to let a third person intrude our private sexual life. Hence, I mentioned that I would like to dress up like a woman once. She was open to the idea and we decided on a date. 

To my personal surprise and certainly also to her surprise, I took it very seriously. I shaved my whole body so I was completely smooth. Then I asked her to withdraw in the TV room so I can prepare myself. I am only 172cm and she was just about the same height. Given I was also thin, I decided on sexy clothes from her wardrobe. And they surprisingly fitted me very well. A pair of her high heels fitted my feet too. It was incredible to feel the smooth silk of the pantyhose on my shaved legs. I would never forget how hard my penis got. I wished I could be shaved all the time.

I put on a bra (stuffed it with socks), a sexy black mini skirt and top. I even painted my toe and finger nails. I had long hair at the time and tied it back to a pony. Then I put foundation on my face, lipstick, eye liners and eye make-up of course. 

Once I was finished, I was truly stunned how hot I looked. I genuinely can say I would have passed as a very sexy woman. When opening the door to the TV room I could immediately tell that my girlfriend was also stunned. She even complimented me on my make-up skills and asked me whether I had done that before. I lied and said "no".

After a bit of an adjustment period given the unknown situation we started kissing and having sex. 

I would never forget how good it felt to be dressed up as and act and behave as a woman. The sex was okay. 

[openmouth4cock]

University, porn and shemales

At University, I finally had access to the internet. At the time, it was only the start of the www and access to it was not that easy. My student colleague, I rented an apartment with, had a computer that I also could use for my studies. That's when I discovered the world of porn.

Interestingly, all I was searching for were transvestites, shemales and X-dressers. I had never seen that before. I found these men dressing up as women so hot and imagined myself how I would shove my cock into their mouths whilst they were on their knees. I also wondered what it would be like dressing up as a woman myself. Thus far, I only wore women's clothes but never shaved my whole body. On occasions, I had put on some make-up - lipstick predominantly - and wore pantyhose when being engaged in my self bondage play. But I had never actually thought about dressing as a woman entirely or actually BE ONE - and act like a woman for a period of time. The thought though was enticing. 

At the time, I was together with my second love. She had really great tits too, not as big as the first love though. I loved her as well. She was sexually more open even though one would have never been able to tell as she appeared conservative when outside in public. And to be honest, she really was conservative inside as well. It was me that brought the kink into our relationship. 

She wasn't into bondage naturally but she was open to experimenting with it. Though I never felt she really liked it. I would tie her to the bed and make her suck my cock, lick her pussy, fuck her and cum into a condom when inside her. She was more open to oral sex and on occasions would even swallow my load, mostly though, I would have to cum on her tits. 

I remember how I once tied her to a kneeling chair, one that you kneel and sit down. It had a mechanism to adjust the sitting height via a round piece of wood which looked like and was about the size of a penis. I told her that I wanted to tie her to that chair which she eventually agreed to. So I set the adjustable wooden penis to a setting that approximately 20cm would stand straight out. Then I rolled a condom over it and asked her to sit down. 

She kneeled down and I handcuffed her hands to the back. I told her to suck my cock. Eventually, I pulled my dick out of her mouth and stimulated her wet vagina with my finger. Then I asked her to sit on that piece of wood. The wooden penis disappeared inside her vagina and I tied her body down so she could not get this thing out of her body. Then I made her suck my cock again. It was the most awesome and hottest sexual experience I had ever shared with someone at this point of my life. 

Unfortunately, she freaked out within less than a minute being helplessly tied down to a kneeling chair with a wooden cock up her pussy sucking my cock. Hence, I had to untie her, realising that my fantasy may have gone too far for her. I sort of understood and, of course, untied her immediately. 

While we had other light bondage experiences, most of the sex was just vanilla. The described above was clearly the exception and generally not part of our normal sexual intercourse.  

I didn't dare to ask whether she would do the same to me. Hence, I patiently waited for the day I had the home to myself. I dressed up as a woman, tied myself to the kneeling chair with the wooden penis deep up my arse and my arms handcuffed to the back. As my thighs got weaker and weaker the stick dug deeper and deeper into my body. It felt awesome.

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First love

With 16 I fell in love the first time. She was cute with huge tits. She was the first pussy and first mouth in which my penis got excess to. It was also the first vagina I licked. I genuinely loved her. Still, I would go home and tie myself up. I remember looking at a magazine picture of Madonna in her underwear and orgasm having my cock tied back to my arse while wearing some cheap and slutty woman's clothes.

We stayed together for two years. She did not like bondage and was not that keen on cock sucking either. In the end, it was very plain vanilla sexual erotica. Still, I loved her. We broke up when I was 18 for other reasons than sexual ones. 

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16 - exploring my sexuality with bondage

I remember when I was about 16 years young lying in bed at night while being tied up with rope. I had to be very quiet because my mom was still awake and my brother was sleeping in the room next door.

My penis was tucked back to my arse tightly secured with rope in a pair of underpants. At the time, I honestly did not know how to masturbate any other way.

My legs were also tied together like a piece of ham and my ankles were pulled back to my hip with rope. Rolling myself to the side, I looked between my legs. I was flat like a vagina, no penis visible. My entire torso was tied up as well. I struggled to breath. I put my hands on the back and twisted the handcuffs around the rope that held my ankles tightly together. I heard a click and felt sharp metal around my left wrist. A few more clicks and the first hand was shackled. Next, I heard a click and felt metal on my right wrist. One last time I reassured that the keys to the handcuffs were on the bedside table. Then a few more clicks and I was completely hogtied. 

I turned on my belly listening carefully whether I could hear any suspect noises from my mother or brother. At the same time, I was pretending to struggle. I pressed my face into the pillow and attempted to free myself. 

And that's how I would cum.... quietly. 

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Introduction of a cocksucker

When I was about 14, I started with self bondage and X-dressing. Now, in my 40s, I'm on my knees sucking strangers' cocks and swallow their loads while being in chastity. How did I become who I am today and what more will I be in the future?

Hope you enjoy reading my story....

Also see openmouth4cock.blogspot.com.