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This year, I said I would climb down from the sleeping compartment above my cab and drive. Disassociation means you can just curl yourself up in a little ball and be above it, look down on it and not let anything that’s going on down there hurt you.

Truth is, the people you love are down there getting hurt and getting fucked up without you. They’re trying to steer and control the juggernaut. It’s cruising at 70, 80 miles an hour, but without you, they’re just holding the wheel and in a state of panic until you come down and take control again .The worst thing is, because I’m not self harming, because I’m not physically hurting anybody else, it’s not a problem. I’m out of sight, I’m not presenting in the doctor surgery yet. I’m just as much of a risk and harm as the psychotics, the depressives, the manics.

This year I said it would be the year to drive. Get involved, steer, brake. They’ve all had enough of . I’ve pretty much done that, but sometimes I want to just get up in that little space above the cab and have a rest.

#derealization #dissociative identity disorder #dissociation #depersonalisation disorder #dpd