the things that she was voicing out were things he already knew about & therefore, didn’t need a reminder of. he was trying his best at remaining calm despite the bubbling anxiety that was beginning to creep onto him with a slight change in the tempo of her voice. at the very least, she had the decency to step away & while varon never imagined such thought to be relieving, in this situation, it was. physical contact wouldn’t do him any good under this predicament. especially not when his mind was running a thousand thoughts per second. from trying to estimate the time & how long it would take until either of those early birds woke up & noted their absence, to what else could he do that would still constitute as trying.
his bottom lip was bitten & as eyes closed, varon did his best at remaining calm. exercises that rafael had taught him to control his anger ( to which he only remembered when violence wasn’t an alternative ) were applied, & once he let go of the knob, the brunet stepped back with his frame leaning against the wall. he allowed himself to slid down until he was sitting, & while he wasn’t physically still trying to open the door, his mind kept thinking about alternatives to make this time trapped somewhat bearable. he almost expected mai to blame him for the whole thing, & while at the beginning, it almost sounded as if that was the case, by the end of her statement, attention was brought to her.
his expression now soft as he tried to remain calm despite the nervous fidgeting of his hands—completely flying over his head that they were exposed. bruised knuckles in the display while the palm of his hands were kept hidden with fingers curling & uncurling, unsure on what to do with them.
“—would ya prefer if ya were on yar own?” he asked, & though varon had an inclination that the answer would be a ‘no’, he didn’t even want to think of the alternative, as it would sting more than it should. at least her presence was keeping him grounded & aware of his surroundings. there was some solace in that. “i’ve told ya, ya don’t gotta bear it on yar own. ya got me.”
There was no simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a question like that, not a single way where one option would not bring her some kind of suffering --- if she were alone, then Mai would have not to worry about being seen by someone else in such a pathetic, weak state. And yet, if she were alone, Mai’s panic would be somehow worse than it was in that moment, perhaps to a crippling degree. It was a difficult question, and she resented him for asking it.
Frowning, her gaze lingered on tiles of the bathroom floor, not wanting to look at his face just yet. Her hands moved from her thighs to the top of her knees, fingers tightly gripping at the flesh-covered bone. “Look, just because you know some things about me, doesn’t mean that you know me.” Her lips mused softly, and yet her voice was laced in wire and razors, a bitter sound that was directed no just towards Varon, but the people that came to mind whenever she thought too long about her own shortcomings.
Mai scoffed, unable to hear his words as anything but empty statements, the same sort of shackles she was trying to break free from. “Stop treating me like I’m weak already, it seriously pisses me off. I’m here for one thing only, and it has nothing to do with you, Varon.” She hissed. The only thing she needed, what she truly wanted, was power. Power to move forward. Power to destroy the weak woman she had become, along with the people that made her this way...Mai had convinced herself, to the very core of her being, that it was the only way for her to move forward...
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