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[opheliaends]

Sad, suicidal, bulimic mess, drinking myself to death, but it won't fucking happen fast enough.

[opheliaends]

I need help

I've been bulimic for a long time. It's the only way I can survive. Until a few months ago, when I suddenly found that I couldn't throw up anymore. It didn't matter how hard I tried, NOTHING would come out even though I'm retching until my muscles ache.

I gained 10kg in a matter of weeks, even though I cut down to one small meal a day; I can't get away with not eating dinner because family. I pushed myself and thought I'd worked through it, but it happened again. Now I've gained back the 5kg I lost over that period and I'm 15kg above where I can live with myself.

Has anyone else been through this, or has any advice? I'm drowning in anxiety and I just can't cope with the thought of being fat. I'd rather drive off a bridge.