۶ৎ ׂ 𓈒 THINKING OF YOU - ZHAO YUFAN
۶ৎ ׂ 𓈒 Synopsis- Three months after your breakup with James, it looks like you've already moved on. James certainly thinks so after seeing another boy all over your Instagram. But when you unexpectedly end up at the same party, avoiding each other becomes impossible, and so do the feelings neither of you really got over.
۶ৎ ׂ 𓈒 Pairings ExBoyfriend!Idol!James x ExGirlfriend!NonIdol!Reader
۶ৎ ׂ 𓈒 Warnings- swearing, cheating (its not reallyy cheating but even if it was it's acceptable cause it's for James), angst, hurt with kind of comfort.
A/N I have a love hate reationship with this fic thats why i havent proof read it lmao. and this shit is HELLA long but it genuinley took three weeks to write because of how much ive been changing it so i hope this does well and if it doesnt EVERYONE will feel it.🤬
Dance practice had dragged on longer than usual.
The speakers echoed through the studio for what felt like the hundredth time that night, bass vibrating through the floor while the members lazily went over the ending formation again. The room was warm from hours of dancing, hoodies and water bottles scattered everywhere near the mirrors.
“Bro, MOVE,” Martin groaned, laughing as Seonghyeon once again stepped the wrong way during the last count.
“To the wrong spot,” Keonho cut in immediately.
Seonghyeon looked offended. “Why are you all bullying me?”
“Because you almost kicked James in the face,” Juhoon said, still breathing heavily from practice.
James just laughed quietly from the back, wiping sweat from his neck with his sleeve. Practice was always like this near the end, everyone tired, arguing over stupid things they’d forget about two minutes later. Honestly, he liked it that way.
Lately it’d been harder to get out of his own head, especially after the breakup, but dance practice distracted him enough not to think about it constantly. Around the members, things still felt normal.
“Wait, wait,” Martin suddenly said, already grabbing his phone. “Juhoon, stand there for a second.”
Juhoon narrowed his eyes immediately. “No.”
“Please bro this TikTok matches your aura.”
“The unemployed kind of aura.” Martin raised his eyebrows.
Keonho burst out laughing while Martin replayed the audio for the third time, trying to position Juhoon in frame.
“This is gonna be hard to watch already,” Keonho said, shaking his head.
“Trust me,” Martin insisted. “He’s gonna pull with this one.”
“Pull WHO?” Juhoon asked.
James snorted from where he’d sat down on one of the fold-up chairs against the mirrored wall, watching Martin aggressively direct Juhoon like it was some serious production.
“Nah tilt your head more,” Martin said.
After another thirty seconds of arguing, Martin finally filmed it and immediately ran over to Keonho to show him.
“That is so bad bro,” Keonho laughed the second the video started playing.
Martin looked genuinely offended. “Nah bro hes gonna get all the ladies.”
“Hey let me see,” James said, smiling as he got up and walked over.
Martin handed him the phone.
The video was terrible. Juhoon looked awkward the entire time while Martin kept zooming in dramatically for no reason.
James laughed almost instantly, his big teethy grin showing with his dimples. “I agree with Martin,” he said seriously despite laughing. “It’s… uhm nice.”
Juhoon stared at him blankly. “You’re all fake.”
About fifteen minutes later, the members finally started settling down again.
The music had stopped while everyone moved back into formation, still talking over each other and laughing under their breath. Martin was bent over fixing the speaker while Keonho and Seonghyeon argued about who kept messing up the ending.
“I’m telling you it wasn’t me.”
“You started moving before the count.”
Juhoon sighed loudly from the middle of the room. “Can we just finish this before I collapse?”
Martin straightened up again, clapping once. “Okay seriously, we actually need to run REDRED again otherwise Manager-nim is gonna be pissed.”
“He’s always pissed,” Keonho muttered.
“Yeah but today he’ll be EXTRA pissed.”
That made James laugh quietly from where he was leaning against the wall near the fold-up chairs. Even after everything lately, practice still felt normal. Loud, annoying, chaotic, but normal. It was one of the only places where his brain actually shut up for a while.
“Okay bro, give me like two minutes,” he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket.
Martin pointed at him immediately. “If you’re watching edits of yourself again I’m telling.”
James snorted. “You literally do that.”
“Yeah because I’m handsome.”
The members started laughing again while James unlocked his phone, still half listening to the conversation.
He opened Instagram like usual.
At first he wasn’t really paying attention, thumb already moving to scroll.
His eyes landed on your username instantly.
The picture underneath made his stomach drop so fast it almost felt physical.
You were curled up against some guy on the couch in your apartment, his arm around your waist while your legs rested over his lap. The caption was simple, something stupid and harmless, but James barely read it.
He just kept staring at the picture.
For a second he genuinely thought maybe he was misunderstanding what he was looking at. Maybe it was a friend. Maybe the angle looked worse than it was.
But the longer he stared, the more obvious it became.
That definitely wasn’t just a friend.
The room suddenly felt way too loud.
James barely heard any of it anymore.
His eyes scanned the picture again before he could stop himself, noticing details he hated immediately. The way you looked comfortable against him. The way your face was turned into his neck slightly. The fact it was taken in your apartment.
Some random guy was in your apartment.
Three months, that was all it took for you to move on?
Something twisted painfully in his chest at the thought. Because meanwhile he still caught himself reaching for his phone to text you before remembering he couldn’t anymore.
He looked up from the screen finally, expression blank for a second while the members kept talking nearby completely unaware.
Then, quickly, he locked his phone and shoved it back into his pocket.
Maybe if he ignored it hard enough it wouldn’t bother him.
Juhoon’s voice pulled him out of his head.
Juhoon frowned slightly, taking a few steps closer. “Yo bro, you okay?”
“You look like you just saw a ghost.”
James let out a short laugh that sounded completely fake even to himself. “Nah. I’m good.”
Juhoon clearly didn’t buy it.
“Yeah,” James said again, this time quieter. “Just tired.”
For a second neither of them moved before Juhoon gave his shoulder a light pat.
“Aish. Only one more run though, don’t worry.”
Martin pointed toward the middle of the room dramatically. “Everyone in position before I lose my mind.”
Normally James would’ve laughed at that.
Instead he walked back into formation silently, eyes fixed on the mirror ahead of him.
The music started again a few seconds later.
But no matter how hard he tried to focus on the choreography, all he could see was you in somebody else’s arms.
James wasn’t the type to mess up choreography.
Especially not choreography they’d been practicing for months.
If someone asked the members to name the last time he forgot a step, they probably couldn’t. James was usually one of the cleanest dancers in the group, sharp, focused, always paying attention even when everyone else started losing energy.
Which was exactly why the mistake caught everyone off guard.
The music blasted through the speakers while the members moved through the chorus again, shoes squeaking faintly against the studio floor. James tried to focus on the counts, on the timing, on literally anything except the image burned into his head.
James moved a second too late.
It completely threw off the next formation.
Keonho bumped shoulders with him while trying to correct himself, Seonghyeon stopped entirely, and Martin immediately cut the music off with a loud groan.
The room fell quiet except for everyone catching their breath.
“For the love of God,” Martin sighed dramatically, hands on his hips. “Now YOU’RE messing up too?”
Normally James would’ve laughed at that immediately.
Or blamed somebody else as a joke.
Instead he just stood there for a second, slightly out of place from where he was supposed to be.
“Sorry,” he said quietly.
And that was what really made the mood shift.
Because James actually sounded apologetic.
Keonho straightened up a little, wiping sweat from his forehead. “Hyung are you sick or something?”
“No,” James answered quickly.
Martin was still half joking at first. “Bro if the main dancer starts failing we’re actually finished.”
Usually that would’ve earned at least a sarcastic comment back.
James just rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, eyes unfocused for a second before looking down at the floor.
Martin’s smile faded a little.
The members all exchanged quick glances without really meaning to. It wasn’t hard to notice anymore. James had been quieter ever since he checked his phone earlier.
“You sure you’re okay, bro?” Martin asked again, this time sounding more genuine.
James looked up immediately like he snapped back into the room.
“Yeah,” he said with a small nod. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”
But it was the exact same fake okay tone from earlier.
The kind that was just believable enough that people usually stopped asking.
Martin frowned slightly anyway. “You don’t look fine.”
Keonho tilted his head a little. “Did something happen?”
James shook his head too fast. “No.”
Silence sat in the room for a second.
Everyone was exhausted already, clothes sticking slightly from sweat after being there for hours. Normally they’d still be joking around despite it, but now the energy felt weirdly off.
He hated making the atmosphere weird.
So he forced out a small smile and clapped his hands once lightly. “Come on, let’s just do it again.”
Juhoon looked at him for another second before speaking up quietly.
“Maybe that should be wraps for tonight.”
Martin glanced over immediately. “You serious?”
“We’ve been here for hours,” Juhoon shrugged. “And everybody’s tired.”
Keonho nodded slowly. “I’m not gonna lie I can’t feel my legs anymore.”
“That’s because you dance like you’re being electrocuted,” Martin muttered.
Usually James would’ve laughed at that too.
Instead he just looked away slightly, jaw tightening for barely a second before relaxing again.
Nobody said anything about it though.
Later that night, James and Juhoon’s room was quiet as usual.
Most nights neither of them minded it. They’d lived together long enough that silence wasn’t awkward anymore. Sometimes they’d sit on their phones for hours without saying a word.
Tonight felt different though.
James had been acting weird ever since they got back from practice and Juhoon had noticed almost immediately.
He was just sitting on the edge of his bed facing the wall, elbows resting on his knees as he stared blankly ahead.
The thoughts wouldn’t stop no matter how much he wanted them to.
The first month after the breakup had been awful. The second wasn’t much better. By the third month he’d finally started feeling a little more like himself again. Not completely over it, but enough to function without constantly wondering what you were doing.
Then one Instagram post had completely ruined that.
Because now it felt real.
Not “maybe we’ll find our way back to each other” kinda real.
Like you were actually moving on.
Like he wasn’t getting you back.
James practically jumped.
He turned around so fast it almost made Juhoon laugh.
“Yah, what’s up?” James asked, sounding way too cheerful for somebody who’d been staring at a wall for fifteen minutes.
Juhoon immediately narrowed his eyes.
“I feel like I should be the one asking you that.”
“You’ve been sitting there like a divorced father.”
That actually got a laugh out of James.
Juhoon tossed his phone onto his bed and sat up properly.
“You’ve been weird since practice.”
Neither of them spoke for a few seconds.
“Did something happen at practice?”
“Did you and one of the members argue?”
James laughed despite himself.
“What does that even mean?”
“I don’t know, hyung. I’m trying to figure out why you’re acting like this.”
James shook his head, looking down at his hands.
“Yah.” James raised his eyeebrows smiling.
For a moment neither of them spoke.
Juhoon had known James long enough to tell when he was trying to avoid something.
And James had known Juhoon long enough to know he wasn’t getting out of this conversation.
Eventually he let out a long sigh.
“If I tell you, will you leave it alone?”
Juhoon’s eyebrows shot up immediately.
“Oh, it’s serious serious.”
Juhoon shifted closer, sitting on the edge of James’ bed now.
James looked down at the floor. Then rubbed the back of his neck. Then looked down again.
The words felt stupid even saying them out loud.
“Y/N has a new boyfriend, I think.”
Juhoon’s eyes widened instantly.
“See? That’s exactly why I didn’t wanna say it.”
“Nah, I’m just surprised.”
“I don’t even know if it’s her boyfriend.”
“Then why do you think it is?”
“There was some guy at her apartment.”
His stomach twisted all over again.
“They were on the couch together and…” James stopped himself.
That was the part that actually bothered him.
The fact that you looked happy.
Juhoon’s expression softened slightly.
“You guys still follow each other?”
“So what do you wanna do about it?” Juhoon asked after a moment.
James immediately groaned.
“What am I supposed to do? Fight him?”
James shook his head, running both hands through his hair.
“No seriously. I’m just gonna leave it.”
“You don’t sound convinced.”
James grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at him.
Juhoon caught it immediately.
“Violence isn’t the answer, hyung.”
James flopped backwards onto his bed dramatically.
“You weren’t upset because she posted a guy.”
“You were upset because she looked happy without you”
Juhoon pointed immediately.
“I hate when you’re right.”
James laughed despite himself and pulled the blanket over his face.
At least he was talking now.
A few moments passed before James lowered the blanket again.
“If Martin finds out, I’m moving out.”
“He’d write a breakup song.”
“He’d write ME a breakup song.”
“And perform it in the living room.”
Juhoon threw both hands up.
“Good.” James nodded once.
Meanwhile across the city you were having your own problem.
You’d been staring at your phone for the last twenty minutes.
Not constantly. Just enough to be annoying.
You’d lock it, set it down, tell yourself to stop thinking about it, then five minutes later you’d pick it up again anyway.
The room was dark except for the faint glow coming from your bedside lamp. Beside you, G/N was already half asleep, one arm stretched lazily across the mattress between you both.
You should’ve been sleeping too.
Instead, your stomach felt tight.
Your thumb hovered over the Instagram notification before opening it again.
No message. No like. No reaction. Only viewed.
You stared at the screen for a few seconds before locking your phone again and dropping it onto the bed beside you.
A frustrated sigh escaped your lips.
This was stupid. You knew it was stupid.
The whole reason you’d posted the picture in the first place was stupid.
The picture itself hadn’t even been spontaneous. You’d sat there debating whether to upload it for nearly half an hour before finally pressing post.
A part of you had tried convincing yourself it wasn’t about James.
That you were just posting a picture.
That it wasn’t a big deal.
But deep down you knew exactly why you’d done it.
You wanted him to see it. You wanted some kind of reaction.
A stupid jealous message asking who the guy was.
Something that proved he still cared.
Instead, all you’d gotten was that tiny notification.
And now you felt ridiculous.
Because what if he’d seen it and simply moved on with his day? What if it didn’t affect him at all?
The thought made your chest ache more than you wanted to admit.
You rolled onto your side, turning away from your phone and towards the wall.
Maybe this was for the best. Maybe James had finally moved on. Maybe you should too.
The problem was every time you tried, it felt wrong.
You liked H/N. You really did.
He was kind, funny, patient with you even when you were clearly distracted. He never pushed you into talking about things you didn’t want to talk about and always seemed to know when to give you space.
He was everything a good boyfriend was supposed to be.
And yet every time he smiled at you, part of you found yourself comparing it to James.
Every time he held your hand, you noticed it wasn’t quite the same. Every time he wrapped an arm around you, you hated yourself for thinking about someone else.
Your eyes squeezed shut briefly.
Maybe that was what made you feel so guilty.
Not the post. Not the breakup. The fact that H/N genuinely liked you.
And despite trying your hardest, your heart was still stuck somewhere else.
The mattress shifted behind you.
A second later, H/N instinctively moved closer in his sleep, his arm finding its way around your waist.
The gesture was familiar.
It should’ve made you feel better.
Instead, it only made the guilt worse.
Because this wasn’t what you wanted.
And for the first time since the breakup, you were finally starting to admit that to yourself.
You were lying on the sofa scrolling mindlessly through social media one afternoon when your phone buzzed beside you.
The contact name immediately made you smile.
Before you even opened the message, you already knew it was going to be something stupid.
the company are booking an air bnb for a party i beg you come 😭🙏
Its to celebrate our 10th win lolll
you dont even have to talk to james
i havent seen you in ages
You smiled quietly to yourself.
Your thumb hovered over the screen for a moment as you reread the message.
The words stuck out immediately.
You knew what Martin meant.
Over the course of your relationship, you’d ended up becoming friends with the members too. Always at their dorm, practice visits, random food runs after schedules, you’d spent enough time around them that even after the breakup it would’ve felt strange to completely disappear from their lives.
You still replied to their stories occasionally.
Still spoke to them every now and then.
And you hadn’t actually seen any of them in person since the breakup.
Your gaze drifted down to the third line again.
you dont even have to talk to james
A small sigh escaped your lips.
Of course Martin had mentioned him.
The thing was, you’d be lying if you said that wasn’t the first thing you’d thought about too.
Would he be there the entire night? Would it be awkward? Had he moved on?
Did he even want to see you..?
And perhaps the question you hated most-
You stared at the message for another few seconds before shaking the thought away.
It was a party for all of them.
Not everything had to be about james
Your fingers moved across the keyboard.
The typing bubble appeared almost instantly.
You could practically picture Martin grinning at his phone.
Before you closed the app another thought crossed your mind.
The kind of idea that feels wrong the second it enters your head but somehow still refuses to leave.
You hesitated for a moment before typing again.
The message sent before you could change your mind.
You stared at it immediately.
Honestly, you weren’t even sure.
You knew exactly who you’d bring.
You knew James would probably be there.
You knew it would be a terrible idea.
And yet a small, selfish part of you wanted to do it anyway.
Maybe because if James truly didn’t care anymore, then it shouldn’t matter.
Maybe because you wanted to prove to yourself that you’d moved on.
Or maybe because some pathetic part of you was still hoping for a reaction.
Whatever the reason was, the second the message delivered, you already knew you had messed up
The worst part wasn’t the picture anymore.
It was the fact that after seeing it, James couldn’t stop noticing you everywhere.
Your favourite sushi place popped up when he was walking back from schedules.
A song you used to play in the car came on while Martin was connected to the speaker.
Even his own hoodie betrayed him when he found one of your old hair ties stuck in the pocket.
Three months and somehow he was thinking about you more now than he had during the actual breakup.
Martin was staring at him from across the practice room.
“You just missed your cue.”
Keonho pointed immediately.
The members exchanged looks
Ever since practice the other day he’d been distracted.
Not enough to completely crash out. Just enough that everyone noticed.
Martin sat down beside him during their break.
James nearly choked on his water.
“I literally didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to.” Martin smiled not a friendly smile more like he was proud hed figured something out.
The day of the party came around much quicker than you’d expected, especially considering how slowly the last week had dragged by.
You’d spent most of it trying not to think about seeing James again, but somehow that only made it worse. Every time his name crossed your mind, you’d immediately force yourself to focus on something else, only to find yourself thinking about him again a few minutes later.
By the time you woke up that morning, your stomach already felt unsettled.
If it had been any other event, you would’ve gone about your day normally. Slept in, watched a few episodes of something while getting ready, probably left everything until the last minute.
Instead, you’d been awake for hours.
You spent most of the morning lying in bed staring at the ceiling, checking the time far more often than necessary and mentally running through every possible version of how tonight could go.
Maybe James wouldn’t care at all.
That thought bothered you more than you’d like to admit.
Eventually, unable to sit with your thoughts any longer, you texted H/N and asked if he wanted to come over before the party.
The second he agreed, you felt a little better.
Not because you were excited to see him, but you tried not to think too hard about that.
When he arrived, the apartment immediately felt less quiet. He talked while you got ready, occasionally showing you things on his phone or making comments from where he sat on your bed while you did your makeup.
Whenever your thoughts started drifting somewhere they shouldn’t, his presence was enough to pull you back into the room again.
Even then, it didn’t completely work.
Every now and then you’d catch yourself zoning out halfway through doing your makeup, your mind wandering back to the same questions you’d been asking yourself all week.
What would James look like?
You sighed quietly and looked away from your reflection.
You shouldn’t have still been feeling like this.
By the time your makeup and hair were finished, your room looked like an actual war zone . Clothes were scattered across your bed and floor from where you’d changed your mind multiple times, each outfit somehow feeling wrong the second you put it on.
Eventually, after far more effort than necessary, you ended up choosing the second outfit you’d tried on.
You stood in front of the mirror for a moment, smoothing down the fabric absentmindedly.
You’d definitely put more effort into your appearance than usual.
More than you would’ve for a normal party.
There were plenty of excuses you could give yourself.
You hadn’t seen the members in months.
There’d probably be photos.
It was nice to put an effort in.
But deep down, you knew exactly why you’d spent so long getting ready.
It was finally time to leave even though you were running a bit late which you hated to admit was on purpose.
While you were driving through the streets of Seoul trying not to throw up from nerves, the party had already been going for nearly an hour.
The venue was packed with friends, family, company staff and other idols Martin had somehow managed to become friends with over the years. Music blasted through the speakers while conversations overlapped all around the room, creating that familiar party atmosphere where nobody could hear each other properly unless they were practically shouting.
Martin had been busy bouncing between different groups all night when he suddenly remembered something.
Spotting James standing near one of the tables with a drink in his hand, he immediately made his way over, already looking guilty before he’d even opened his mouth.
Martin scratched the back of his neck.
Immediately, James narrowed his eyes.
Martin let out a dramatic sigh.
James stared at him for a second.
Martin hesitated for a moment before finally answering.
The words hit James like a truck.
His stomach dropped so fast it was almost embarrassing, and for a split second he genuinely thought he’d misheard him over the music. Somehow though, he managed to keep his expression mostly neutral, lifting his drink to his lips to buy himself a second before responding.
“I don’t know, I just expected more.”
James laughed lightly and shrugged.
“Why would there be more?”
The answer came a little too quickly.
Unfortunately for James, Martin noticed everything.
“You don’t mind though, right?” he asked, leaning against the counter beside him. “I remember you saying you guys ended on pretty good terms.”
James laughed again, although there was definitely something strained underneath it now.
“I don’t even know why you’re telling me. It’s not really any of my business anymore.”
The suspicion in his voice was obvious.
James chose to ignore it.
Internally, his brain was already spiralling.
Because if he’d known you were coming, maybe he would’ve actually thought about what he was wearing instead of throwing on the first thing he found in his wardrobe. Maybe he would’ve prepared himself a little, come up with some sort of plan for when he inevitably saw you.
Three months without seeing you and suddenly you’d be walking through those doors at some point tonight.
The thought made him feel slightly sick.
Not that he’d ever admit that.
Five minutes later, after unsuccessfully trying to focus on literally anything else, James found himself walking over to where Martin and Seonghyeon were talking.
Martin saw him coming and immediately started smiling.
That should’ve been enough warning.
“Yo,” James said casually.
James rolled his eyes before crossing his arms.
“Did she say what time she was coming?”
The reaction was immediate.
Seonghyeon nearly choked laughing while Martin looked like he’d just won the lottery.
“I was literally just asking.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means you’ve spent the last five minutes pretending not to care and then immediately came back to ask when she’s arriving.”
Seonghyeon was fully laughing now.
James looked between both of them before groaning.
“You guys are actually so stupid it makes me mad.”
You pulled onto the grass outside the venue, the house already packed with cars. Music could be heard even from outside, muffled through the walls.
For a moment, neither of you moved.
You sat gripping the steering wheel, staring straight ahead as your heart pounded against your ribs.
After about a minute, H/N finally looked over.
“Baby, are we going in or what?”
You blinked. “Oh- yeah. Sorry.”
But before he could question it further, you were already pushing the car door open.
H/N followed close behind, grabbing your hand as you walked towards the house.
The second you stepped inside, your eyes immediately started scanning the room.
Definitely not for James.
Thankfully, the first person you spotted was Martin.
His spiky blonde hair and ridiculous height made him impossible to miss.
Beside him stood Seonghyeon, both of them talking over the music.
Relief washed over you. No James.
You practically dragged H/N over.
Martin’s face lit up immediately.
You laughed and pulled him into a hug before doing the same with Seonghyeon.
“I thought you weren’t coming.”
“I told you I was coming.”
You slowly closed your eyes.
For a brief moment, you’d completely forgotten H/N was standing there.
Martin immediately burst out laughing.
“You’re supposed to lie.”
Seonghyeon was already trying not to laugh.
Before you could answer, H/N stepped forward.
Why did hearing him say it feel so weird?
The look lasted less than a second, but you caught it.
He held his hand out for a dap.
H/N immediately grabbed it and shook it.
The silence afterwards was painful.
You wanted the floor to open up and swallow you whole.
Martin stared at his hand.
“I was going for a dap but that works too.”
Seonghyeon immediately turned away because he was about to lose it.
A few minutes of awkward small talk later, H/N excused himself to find the bathroom.
The second he was out of earshot, Seonghyeon grabbed your arm.
“What the fuck was that?”
Martin was laughing so hard he had to wipe his eyes.
“That was painful to watch.”
“That’s not exactly a glowing review,” Seonghyeon pointed out.
“So… are you guys actually dating?”
The answer stayed in your head.
Martin immediately noticed.
Before Martin could continue, he suddenly looked over your shoulder.
Martin looked back at you.
The way his eyes widened told you it definitely wasn’t nothing.
And for some reason, your stomach immediately dropped.
You shook your head almost immediately.
The look on his face wasn’t helping.
Seonghyeon was already laughing.
“James is literally walking over right now.”
You turned instinctively, but Martin grabbed your shoulder before you could.“Don’t.”
For a second, all three of you stood there awkwardly before you nodded towards the drinks table.
“Okay, well I think I’m gonna go get a drink.”
Seonghyeon laughed while Martin gave you a look that said he wasn’t buying it for a second.
Still, neither of them stopped you.
As soon as you disappeared into the crowd, Martin turned back around just in time to find James reaching them.
James looked between the two of them.
Then in the direction you’d walked.
Seonghyeon immediately started smiling.
Neither of them believed that act. Not for a second.
Before either could say anything, someone else approached the group.
“Hey,” he said cheerfully. “Where’d Y/N go?”
James felt his stomach drop.
The second he saw him, he recognised him.
The one from the Instagram post.
For a moment he genuinely wished he didn’t recognise him.
Martin noticed immediately.
“She went to get a drink,” Martin answered.
He was about to leave when James spoke.
The question came out before he could stop himself.
Immediately Martin looked at him.
Because everyone knew exactly what he was asking.
“Oh.” He laughed lightly.
The word hit harder than James had prepared for.
His jaw tightened automatically.
Martin immediately stepped in.
“Yo, bro, she’s probably waiting.”
“Probably, I'll talk to you guys later.”
Thankfully he wandered off without noticing how tense the atmosphere had become.
The second he disappeared, Martin turned to James.
James sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.
“I just needed to know for sure.”
Suddenly everything clicked, the weird mood at practice, the missed choreography, the fact he’d spent the entire night pretending not to care.
“I'm surprised you didn't punch that guy.”
A couple drinks later, you were doing a surprisingly good job pretending everything was fine.
Or at least you thought you were.
The music was loud enough that nobody could hear themselves think and the coloured lights flashing around the room made everything feel slightly disconnected from reality. You’d spent most of the evening avoiding certain parts of the venue entirely, which had worked much better than expected.
H/N stood beside you with an arm around your waist while he talked about something to a group of people you’d only half been listening to. Every now and then you’d laugh, nod, or lean into him whenever it felt expected.
From the outside, you probably looked happy.
That horrible feeling of being watched.
Slowly, your eyes lifted.
For a second, everything else disappeared.
The people moving around you.
You hadn’t seen him in three months.
Not properly. Not outside of old photos or Instagram stories you’d sworn you weren’t checking.
And suddenly he was right there.
His expression was completely unreadable.
Yours probably wasn’t much better.
Neither of you looked away.
You became painfully aware of H/N’s arm around your waist.
Of how close he was standing.
Of the fact that from where James was, it probably looked exactly how it seemed.
The thought made your stomach twist.
He didn’t know you’d spent the entire week panicking about seeing him.
He didn’t know you’d posted that picture hoping for a reaction.
He didn’t know half the things you’d never had the courage to say.
All he saw was you standing there with another guy.
And judging by the way his jaw tightened slightly before he finally looked away, you suddenly had a horrible feeling that this one moment had just confirmed every assumption he’d already been making.
You pulled yourself away from H/N before he could even ask what was wrong.
Actually, it definitely was.
But right now you couldn’t think about that.
You couldn’t think about anything.
Not when he’d looked at you like that.
You pushed through the crowd and headed straight for the front door, ignoring Martin calling your name somewhere behind you.
The cold air hit your face immediately.
For the first time all night, you could breathe.
You leaned against the side of the house, arms folded tightly across your chest as you stared out into the darkness.
This was supposed to be a birthday party.
Not whatever this had turned into.
Trying to calm yourself down.
Trying not to get back in your car and leave.
The front door opened behind you.
Music spilled outside for a brief moment before the door shut again.
You already knew who it was.
For a second neither of you said anything.
He walked over slowly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket before leaning against the wall a few feet away.
Just enough distance to remind you that things weren’t the same anymore.
Neither of you seemed to know where to start.
There wasn’t any anger in his voice.
That somehow made it worse.
“Don’t act like you care.”
His jaw tightened immediately.
James looked away for a second.
“That’s not what I said.”
“Then what are you saying?”
Long enough to be uncomfortable.
You hated how much the question bothered you.
You hated that part of you still wanted him to be jealous.
The answer came out sharper than intended.
Like he regretted asking.
Something about that annoyed you.
His head snapped back towards you.
“You followed me out here for a reason.”
“At least he didn’t leave me.”
The second the words left your mouth, you saw the reaction.
James straightened up immediately.
“At least he didn’t leave me.”
His expression changed completely.
“Are you serious right now?”
“You literally broke up with me.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“How is that not the same thing?”
“Because it wasn’t that simple.”
Not in a way that would make everything okay.
“You stopped talking to me.”
“You were always working.”
The argument was escalating now.
Months of frustration were finally spilling out.
“You knew what my job was when we started dating.”
“And you knew I wasn’t asking for your entire life.”
“Neither was getting dumped out of nowhere.”
The words landed harder than you intended.
Immediately James looked hurt.
For the first time all conversation.
“You think it was easy for me?”
Running a hand through his hair.
“You think I wanted to do that?”
“I don’t know what you wanted.”
The honesty caught both of you off guard.
Three months later and you still didn’t understand.
You still didn’t know why he’d given up so easily.
James looked down at the ground.
“I thought I was holding you back.”
“I thought you were unhappy.”
The anger drained from your face slightly.
His voice cracked slightly.
The silence that followed felt completely different now.
Neither of you were arguing anymore.
Neither of you wanted to.
Still being in love tired.
“You know what’s funny?” you asked quietly.
“I don’t even really want to be with him.”
Because the answer was embarrassing.
Because the answer was him.
“I was trying to move on.”
The words hung in the air.
James looked at you for a long moment.
You laughed despite yourself.
“Clearly you suck at it.”
For the first time all night, neither of you were angry or anxious.
And somehow that felt scarier.
He finally spoke again after a minute of silence “I never stopped loving you, you know”.
You breathed in a long breathe “I didn’t either”
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