do you guys remember when we used to say oh worm all the time. remember that
is anybody out there
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@opti-mized
do you guys remember when we used to say oh worm all the time. remember that
is anybody out there
you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for an amazing reason
Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Final Round
Senshi (Dungeon Meshi)
Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)
Mr. Ant Tenna (Deltarune)
Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt
“And if you’ll give me 40% of the MOST POPULAR VOTE, I’ll give you my SPECIAL REWARD... A year’s supply of NON-GLOOBY SLIME!!! Never or BARELY used!!!” Tenna concluded his speech with a huge smile, jetting his hands up in double peace signs.
The crowd roared in confused enthusiasm as Tenna gave a gracious flurry of low-FPS bows, pausing only for the occasional stink-nose at his audience plants who weren’t throwing enough 3D roses.
Eventually, the room fell silent. It was Senshi’s turn to speak.
He puffed out his chest, took a long, sweeping look over the audience… and shook his head.
“I can see not all of you are eating properly.”
The crowd murmured with embarrassment.
“I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s time to take the turkey out of your icebox. I have seen the ingenious technology with which your people store food... and I have also seen the waste which results from such convenience.
“The food you take had a life. Beasts grew fat on the grass of the field, plants grew from the sun’s rays, and mushrooms grew from minerals in the cracks of caves. And yet, it sits in your iceboxes, collecting moisture until it perishes.
“Eat what is given to you. Because its life will make you stronger, too.”
Without another word, Senshi left his podium and stepped away from the stage. The crowd murmured in confusion. “Is he really like that?” somebody said. “I only remember reblogging the photosets of him tripping and showing ass.”
--
Back in the Green Room, Tenna wrung his antennas nervously.
“Y-y-you think they liked me!? They HAD to!! I mean, I don’t know what Asgore was thinking, getting that weird haircut and running that food waste campaign, but… YOU thought I did good, didn’t you, Kris?”
Laios nodded aggressively, a streak of blue face paint peeling from his forehead.
“You did AMAZING, Tenna! By the way, now that we’ve seen all your insider campaign secrets, do you have any more videos of Susie? Especially her tail... If I could get a look at that, I could finally tell if she’s a dinosaur or --”
THWACK. Fake antlers butted Laios’s head.
“LAIOS?? Weren’t we dressed up to help SENSHI???” Marcille hissed, gesturing awkwardly with her hooves.
Suddenly, Tenna turned to the two adventurers.
“Hey, WAIT a second. SOMETHING’s not right here...”
Laios and Marcille held their breath.
“Where the heck are my POINTS!?”
Just then, the door opened. Chilchuck took one step into the room, whistling and holding a large bag.
Everyone turned to him.
Chilchuck paused, took a step backwards, and closed the door.
“CHILCHUCK!!!” yelled Tenna.
“How come Chilchuck got to stay Chilchuck!?” yelled Marcille at the same time.
--
Meanwhile, in outer space somewhere, some guy was making out with a rock.
.hack//sign characters and the types of Internet Guy they represent
tsukasa: chronically online suicidal teenager
sora: 11 year old who calls you slurs
BT: guy whose real life sucks so they get on their computer and make it everyone else's problem
bear: 40 year old mutual
mimiru: slightly autistic person who's too normal for the nerds but too weird for everyone else
crim: guy who touches grass
subaru: guy who can't touch grass for medical reasons
ginkan: white knight (species is extinct in the wild)
the pressure to have a fulfilling weekend hangs heavy in the friday evening air
people get so mad when you tell them that their lowbrow entertainment they enjoy is actually lowbrow
everyone wants their self-indulgent romantasy to be considered high literature and whatever new mainstream pop boy/girl to be treated as the next beethoven and their gay fluff show on streaming apps to be revolutionary art changing the world and like, they're not. and that's okay. i'm literally watching the stupidest show right now and it's fine. it doesn't have to be more.
there's also the argument of how pop culture used to be the trickle down from high culture for the longest time but now it's an ouroboros eating itself as access and willingness to engage with high culture have been systematically destroyed and diminished through the last decades so your popcorn flick moviemaker now only gets inspiration from other popcorn flicks when their foreparents used to actually read literally and see art of all kinds and your pop musicians used to listen to all sorts of new and old music rather than just their contemporaries/competition and maybe this absence of any sort of culture outside of our easy algorithms is why everyone's so defensive of what they passively consume and so attached to it as a part of their identity but that's a discussion for another day
At Tumblr Memorial Hospital the most common reason for admittance is exploded ovaries. They are taken to the Dear Evan Hansen OBGYN wing for that
think it's a deep consolation to know that spiders dream, that monkeys tease predators, that dolphins have accents, that lions can be scared silly by a lone mongoose, that otters hold hands, and ants bury their dead. that there isn't their life and our life. nor your life and my life. that it's just one teetering and endless thread and all of us, all of us, are entangled w it as deep as entanglement goes. v neat i think.
the koi in the koi pond waiting for you to feed them the food pebbles
i think about this post at least once a week
The entire point of, OK, my phone really wants to call it Anastasia so I guess we’re doing that? The entire point of Anastasia (as administered by a board-certified Anastasiologist) during sugary. Sugary? Haven’t I suffered enough? The entire point of Anastasia during augury. Jesus Christ. Hold up. You know what, augury is preferable to sugary. Augury is obviously performed by an auger (makes sense if you give it a think) whereas sugary is performed by…? A sugardaddy? NO THANK YOU. Anyway. The entire point of Anastasia is so that you don’t know what music your sturgeon. Fuck right off. Was playing. While you were under. You’re not supposed to wake up from Anastasia and immediately realize you managed to get earwormed by Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades” during your sugary.
i am 3 episodes away from the end. this is my current tier list
reasoning
tsukasa: what if you were really traumatized and it made you really socially unpleasant but everyone loved you anyway and accepted you exactly the way you were. can you imagine.
BT: this is a grown woman who ditched her high school reunion to hang out with her best friend who is a grade school griefer she plays an mmo with. when asked to help save the life of a teenager in a coma or at least not actively hinder everyone else's efforts, she said, "not my problem, hope he dies." her name is Bacon Tomato. despite this she is convinced she is the smartest and most impressive person she knows. most pathetic woman alive. i laugh randomly while thinking about her. 10/10 no notes.
crim: he's so moisturized and unbothered and in-his-lane. he's also the only person here who has a healthy relationship with his computer. he thinks it's cool to have fun, and - damn it - he's having fun and it does look cool. always a pleasure when he appears on my screen.
mimiru: i think mimiru and i have the same kind of autism. i love you mimiru.
bear: oh bear what can i say about you. you are a time capsule of a person inside a time capsule of an anime. you would be higher up but unfortunately you are a 47 year old man who met a high school girl(?) online and then doxxed her* and stalked her* irl and i know it was to save her* life and all but it did personally give me the ick per se. i am sorry. you are the hero we needed but not the one we deserved.
sora: he is climbing the ranks every episode. i HATED him at first, but ever since we learned his age, his behavior has just gotten funnier and funnier in retrospect. hes just a silly little guy. you go dude. pyon pyon or whatever.
subaru: subaru... oh, subaru. i don't think i get you, really. i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be getting from you. are you the character the teen boys in the audience are supposed to crush on? what type of Internet Person are you representing? metatextually, why are you here? i really do not know. would you have made more sense to me if i had personal experience with disability rights in japan 20 years ago? or do you just not land? i can't tell. also unfortunately i do take damage from her early 2000s anime haircut every time she is on screen.
ginkan: at best, he is a plot device. at worst, he is an unpleasant echo of a very specific type of annoying internet man every woman has had to deal with at some point in their lives. i respect it but god do i hate to see him.
i am 3 episodes away from the end. this is my current tier list
click and drag to take maisy car for a drive around your dashboard
if you are on mobile good news! you can just move your phone around and it is like you are driving maisy car around the real world!
The three tiers of queer sff:
Broke: what is worldbuilding? Made in a lab to be as blandly inoffensive as possible. Time to randomly namedrope terms like 'nonbinary' and 'ace' while doing zero work actually incorporating them into the world or characters and have someone give a speech about how valid they are. Lines like 'I'm too ace for this' while never exploring the concept of asexuality or aromanticism and still having very central romance plotlines is common. I hate it here learn how to write realistic dialogue and fully realized characters I'm begging.
Woke: more ore less typical sci-fi and fantasy but It’s Queer Now. Might include in-universe queerphobia to be struggled against or may have queer identities be fully normalized. Can be done bad or well depending on the skill of the writer. A good way to explore our contemporary ideas of gender and sexuality or to have a bit of a power fantasy with lesbian princesses and trans knights. There will probably be a bisexual love triangle.
Bespoke: what is a gender. What is monogamy. What is polyamory. What is romance. What is platonic. Time to show you the most fucked up uncategorizable relationship you’ve ever seen. There may be weird ass metaphorical sex
fuck it
Book recs: tier three queer sff
AKA books that tackle gender, sexuality and relationships in ways that come off as deeply alien and non normative to our present day culture, frequently featuring actual aliens.
For details on the books, check under the readmore! My personal favorites are marked with an *
A note: as I'm generally more into sci-fi than fantasy, this list skews heavily toward the former. Feel free to make your own recommendations in the notes if you know of more titles!
If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!
[images: photo collages of the covers of all the named books, first all of the books in one image and then in groups of three before the descriptions.]
i should be able to register my age with a central psuedo-"certificate authority" and then present my digitally signed age certificate in order to access restricted websites. discord does not need my legal ID, but it's fine if cisco or verisign or something has it and is willing to vouch on my behalf. imo.