Optimus Benign

Kyle Kelley [@boykelley] - - - Brussels sprout activst and savage wordsmith.

[toptwentynotes-deactivated20170]

Lisa the Painful

Credit: GROBI (see source)

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One of the best.

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I hope this is an elaborate revenge plot against Michael Jackson by ol’ Corey Feldman. Elaborate and disconcerting.

Bonus Games:

+Watching the audience slowly lose composure

+Watching the audience slowly lose respect

+Realizing the guitar was never plugged in

+Realizing the guitar was never plugged in because that girl has no idea how to play guitar

+Keeping track of Feldman’s fedora

+Trying to understand a single word

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Paid for beer at a painting class and then stopped paying attention.

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Fun while it lasted, but baby had to cry.

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All I do is flex.

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Hanging out in the subway sounds like a whole lot of fun all of a sudden.

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What happens when a magician starts to think he's really magic? Possibly the best Super Bowl Half Time Show ever to go directly from half-baked idea to screen. The balls they had to put this on television. As if the half-assed Elvis stunt isn't insulting enough, they really thought that everyone watching was going to choose the same card. Was that even an official Clap-O-Meter? I didn't see the trademark. This is also why the Bengals will never make it to another Super Bowl. Note: While the video does end hilariously and any more might have had me gouging out my eyes, I'd love to catch the rest of the show sometime.

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La Croix...La CROIX Grown ass Manitoba.

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Because we're closer to 30 than we are to 20.

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¡Hola hola! My MMA picks have been updated to include Saturday’s UFC 180 PPV event live from MEXXXICOOOO. Do I sound excited? While some of the bigger match-ups have fallen apart, all of the fighters seem focused on making a fiesta out of the festivities. Lemons from lemonade. Flan from baby skins.

Eleven fights means twenty-two competitors will be giving it their all in Juan on Juan action at the UFC's first outing in the badlands of Mexico. I may even walk away remembering the names of a few of these new comers. Bring your bottled water, this shouldn't be one to miss.

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It happened – the real life Jimmy Junior was spotted at a dance competition in 2010. Such imaginative, incredible moves.It's unfortunate that he's since given up on inline skating, but at least he found a shirt.

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Can we please all just get on The LifeClub Plan, already?

Look what it's done for this 70 year old doctor. Who doesn't want nipples that long?

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This is the scariest thing I've seen this Halloween. It'd probably be scary on any other day, too.

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My MMA picks have been updated to include Saturday’s UFC 179 PPV event live from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Let's all jump on the hailway down to Bhazil for a hidiculous five hound fight between Hosé Aldo and the Chad Mendes. Hopefully this hematch lives up to the hype.

Let's not dance around it – this is another subpar PPV. Is Zuffa trying to poison us with these shit sandwiches? We don't know yet. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely some interesting prospects and matchups here worth watching...but not outside of downtrodden realm of the hardcore fan.

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Not a single artist has gone platinum this year because nobody plays instruments. It’s all turntables and wah-wah. Not the good kind of wah-wah like from a peddle - it's more of a soulless droning. Maybe I should have said woo woo. I bet The Stooges got a lot of woo woo. Not that kind of woo woo.  

The Stooges - 1970

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Can we bring back the San Diego chicken? His aggressive stance towards competing mascots, ambiguous sport affiliation, and glazed-over stare are something we shouldn't let slip away.

Even if it's just long enough to remake and sell me one of these t-shirts.

[tldrwikipedia]