The apocalypse is nigh

YO YO YO

[kayanote]

USUK/There’s something I don’t want to let go of.

When  I made an English version,  @cinemairon helped me. Thanks again, @cinemairon!

I’ll post Japanese version at 19:23.

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned about Black Rain Frogs. A frog that sounds like squeaky toys and looks like a sad avocado (x)

[devontae]

@hariible

[bitchycode]

[mylittleredgirl]

my dad–also a writer–came to visit, and i mentioned that the best thing to come out of the layoff is that i’m writing again. he asked what i was writing about, and i said what i always do: “oh, just fanfic,” which is code for “let’s not look at this too deeply because i’m basically just making action figures kiss in text form” and “this awkward follow-up question is exactly why i don’t call myself a writer in public.”

he said, “you have to stop doing that.”

“i know, i know,” because it’s even more embarrassing to be embarrassed about writing fanfic, considering how many posts i’ve reblogged in its defense.

but i misunderstood his original question: “fanfic is just the genre. i asked what you’re writing about.” 

i did the conversational equivalent of a spinning wheel cursor for at least a minute. i started peeling back the setting and the characters, the fic challenge and the specific episode the story jumps off from, and it was one of those slow-dawning light bulb moments. “i’m writing about loneliness, and who we are in the absence of purpose.”

as, i imagine, are a lot of people right now, who probably also don’t realize they’re writing an existential diary in the guise of getting television characters to fuck. 

“that’s what you’re writing. the rest is just how you get there, and how you get it out into the world. was richard iii really about richard the third? would shakespeare have gotten as many people to see it if it wasn’t a story they knew?”

so, my friends: what are you writing about?

[lynati]

… How you live with a problem that has no solution. And how you rebuild after everything around you has been destroyed.

[wizardnuke]

not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny

[wizardnuke]

governor of the colony: hey I’m gonna go back to england to get more supplies

115 colonists: okay

governor: ends up spending 3 years in england bc of a naval war with spain or some shit

governor: gets back to the colony to find everyone gone

governer: sees the word “croatoan”, the name of a native american tribe, carved into a post

croatoan tribe: has members and children with blonde hair/blue eyes, pale skin

everyone: what could have happened to the colonists of roanoke

[chotimoti]

[wizardnuke]

hi! op here. I’m fucking hyperventilating

[kadywicker]

everyone on tumblr: going nuts over some new podcast/show/whatever, talking abt it constantly, making a bunch of posts abt how all mutuals turn into an x blog, etc etc

me, hyperfixating on jack shit no one cares about:

[crucibl3]

skyrim usuk in modern dress clothes

[amargedom]

“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.”

—

[amargedom]

“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps but other people emphasize my loneliness.”

—

[fineapplepizza]

oh sorry i was thinking about myself did you want something

[legsdemandias]

Non-Americans who escalate inter-nationality teasing immediately to “school shootings and trump” stop challenge 

[legsdemandias]

American’s Teasing England: Tea in the shower, u have a queen, other relatively benign stereotypes 

American’s Teasing Canada: u have moose and beavers, maple syrup u like it

American’s Teasing Australia: kangaroos and koalas, it’s hot there, summer time, toilets flush backward

Canada, England, and Australia retaliating from that teasing: school shootings, kill a child today hm? your police murder you, you’re gonna die from a preventable disease, everyone in the country is hopelessly poor and dying, everyone’s in debt, you can’t even afford to die. THAT’ll teach u to tease us about having ANIMALS in our country! 

[legsdemandias]

I mean, sure, it’s all fun and games to you. But I’ve had friends legitimately try to kill themselves just thinking about a future in this country. I have co-workers who cried on the first day of school because they were scared of dying. While I was working at a school there were three school shooting threats in 4 weeks. I had friends break out into tears after the massacre in 2018 talking about it in class, terrified that they were going to die while working–or watch students die. 

My high school history teacher was shot in the back on campus. Everyone here knows someone who’s been affected by gun violence. Everyone knows someone who’s been affected by healthcare, or lack thereof. Everyone knows someone whose life has been ruined by college debt. 

The day in, day out nightmare of living in America is not a fucking “GOTCHA” for when you’re trying to tease America. Why is this so hard to comprehend. 

[legsdemandias]

Non-Americans: Ugh americans are so entitled and mean and rude

Also Non-Americans: Oh you’re gonna make fun of me drinking tea? Well you’re gonna be violently murdered and then you’ll go into thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt from the act lol this is an equivalent comparison and doesn’t make me look like the asshole in the situation at all!! Americans are soooo rude!

[miyotesse]

Any examples of what we can tease you about then? Any universal Americanisms that cause the right amount of offense without stepping over the line?

[legsdemandias]

Imperial system

Shoes on in house

Smiling too much

High school football

Opossums, raccoons, deer, etc.

Carpet (I’ve heard other countries aren’t as obsessed with carpet as Americans)

Sales tax (how much will this cost? Nobody knows!)

Roadside tourist attractions (world’s biggest ball of yarn etc)

“it’s only a 6 hour drive”

Buying tea in a gallon jug

Being in the prairie states and there literally being nothing in any direction for miles not even trees

Tornadoes anything to do with tornado culture

Waffle house

The mere concept of semi trucks / 18 wheelers

Every state except California claiming they have the weirdest weather

[kawree]

five petrol stations within a two block radius, sometimes two of the same brand ketchup is too spicy mayonnaise on/in literally everything we put noodles and mayo in a bowl and call it a salad i shit you not absolute failures at geography deep fried everything. seriously. we deep fry BUTTER.

[paracosim]

Absolutely everything and anything somehow being a casserole

HELL IS REAL billboard here in Ohio

The giant dinosaur roadside tourist attraction out in the middle of nowhere

Route 66

Corn fields, everywhere you look

[petrichorepoch]

Weird salads (like ambrosia)

Fanny packs

Prom (I’ve heard other countries don’t have prom? Or any of the other 100 school dances a year??)

People microwave their tea instead of boiling it

The white people half-jog-and-wave combo when crossing the street

Endless ads for pharmaceuticals

[legsdemandias]

[captainlordauditor]

how about not having our laundry machines in any sensible places? mine’s in the fucking basement, so all of us have to haul our laundry up and down a flight of stairs. this is extremely common

[rizaoftheowls]

The difficulty is that all our Stupid Nonsense is so regional. For example, the appropriate wildlife joke here in the Northeast is bears. But my family in Florida has had to shoo alligators out of the backyard like a common nuisance.

[miraculous-mermaid03]

Pep rallies/spirit week

[blowjob-horseguy]

Church on every corner

The oldest buildings we have are only like 200 years old

‘Are you catholic?’ ‘No I’m Christian’

Bright orange dirt

Whats that wierd light over there? Oh thats just the ghost of a Confederate soldier/ Revolutionary soldier/ Colonial person/ Slave

Iced tea

The coast is obsessed with pirates

Everything’s about Jesus. I’m serious you can’t go anywhere without something being about Jesus or scripture. (Pls send help)

Collards (they’re only fucking edible if you boil them for like 7 hours and then cook them with enough shit that you can’t taste the actual collards)

Trust me you do not know how small a town can get

Always be prepared to feel like you’ve gone at least 30 years back in time

‘It’s only 80°f’

What even is the metric system

H- E- Double hockey sticks

Don’t want to get pregnant? Don’t have sex!!! No we will not teach you anything else.

The graveyard of the Atlantic

Gardening is #Important

[miraculous-mermaid03]

I already reblogged this but I want to add

The barbeque sauce debate

Yinz/yall/yous

No matter how small a town is, there is at least one McDonalds (there is one in the town I live in. It is the only restaurant. The nearest big town has at least 4)

Ranch. On everything. Every where.

[avatarsymbolism]

Zuko going into an angst coma because he made the right decision.

[elledix]

That moment when you make so many bad decisions in life that your body thinks it’s a virus when you finally do the right thing.

[mcwollybob]

People do everything they can to hide their weight, physically and number-wise, to the point that it's considered rude to ask how much someone weighs and especially so to ask that of a woman, but then somehow fatphobia doesn't exist? If fatphobia isn't real, then why is your height something that easily slips off the tongue at the simplest ask yet your weight is information forever locked away out of shame? Why are you afraid for others to know your weight? Is it because...you'll be judged? Huh, that sounds like we might live in a society where your weight is considered as part of your value as a person. If I wasn't careful, I'd even say that creates a world where fatphobia is a form of common oppression!

[rebelsandtherest]

Do you ever think there was a moment in the 1800s

Where Antonio went over to North America to help out with the fight against the U.S., and he runs into this absolute madman / demon / crazymotherf*cker / lanky blond man who carries like three guns and two knives at any given point in time, hasn’t showered for weeks and has probably been riding a horse for multiple days, curses like a sailor, and may just like, never sleep

And then he finds out it’s Alfred

And by the time Antonio is there, Alfred’s already taken a large percentage of his land and is yeehaw-ing even further west

And Antonio is quietly, to himself, just like

oh god it’s privateer Arthur all over again

except in the damn desert

[dankmemeuniversity]

[2-beadyeyes-deactivated20251104]

love my terrible wife who wants to kill me so so  bad

[2-beadyeyes-deactivated20251104]

i come home from work every day and narrowly dodge one of her many death traps . when we eat dinner ill smile and say “poison again ?” and she will shrug mischievously but we both know it is very much poison

[byjove]

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

The spiritual successor to Miette

[manicgoblinnightmarewoman]

Might I also add

[shydestinybread]

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

[unyanizedcatboys]

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

[explorerrowan]

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

[dualclock]

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

[notcaycepollard]

[callmebliss]

Can haz snackytreat

[ladyshinga]

(source)

[paininmyheart-imalive]

THERES MORE THIS POST JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER 😂😂😂