This week we were asked to take inspiration from Gertrude Stein to create text portraits. I wasn't sure who I would choose as the subject of my portrait until I was struck by the story of a lady called Anne who featured in a TV programme I was watching (see more info about Anne and link to the show below my portrait, Anne features approx 46 mins in). I chose to write my portrait quite literally in the style of Gertrude Stein, hence the repetition and random stream of consciousness feel to it. Writing outside of my usual voice proved to be quite an interesting exercise for me and I was curious about how the key features I wanted to convey flowed out. I am also interested to note how, whilst it is meant to be a portrait, there is very little information about Anne's physical appearance contained within it. I have found it very hard not to go back and edit or perfect it but I felt that would be detrimental to do so - plus if I didn't just click post without thinking or studying it, I wouldn't share it at all :). Hmmmm....
Hint of smile. Playful, small. Pains in chest. Won’t go. Won’t go anywhere else.
And she counts. 1, 2, 3… 11… 41, 74. Come out, come out, run hide, run hide. Where did everybody go? Such a long time to be lost.
Eyes grateful in spite of everything. Seeking kindness even though she has seen pain, felt pain, feared pain. Talk to me, talk to me. Will you talk to me? Tell me everything, will you? Years ago, you didn’t know. It wasn’t like that then, do you see? Single mother, father waged a war without reason. Convent school. Not for me, rebellious you see. So they said. That’s what they said. Hint of smile. Playful, small. Pains ease, for now.
And then, and then the asylum. And then, and then, and then. 30 years of zombie state. And then, and then. First friend, last friend, only friend. He’s mine. Tucks me up. Mine, all mine. And then. Frightened. Black and blue again. All the while the hands of brutal men swipe and rage, here, there and everywhere but then, nobody. Long gone, but always there. Everywhere.
What will happen? Come out, come out. Smash. Out. Smash. Break. Smash. Glass shattered. Freedom found and lost. Such a long time to be lost. And yet, a hint of smile, still seeking kindness. Expecting kindness. Trusting kindness.
Eyes light, not for dimming. Not hers, not now, not after everything. She is free. Hands to the sky, hand on chest, hint of smile. Eyes light. She is free. She is found. She is home.
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I was lazing around watching 24hrs in A&E on Channel 4 last night when I was hit in the gut by Anne's story. She was taken to the hospital after suffering chest pains, and insisted to paramedics that she would not go to any other hospital than St George's. The reasons for this were unclear at first, but then she started to explain her story and reasons for her mistrust to a young male nurse who was caring for her. She was packed off to boarding school by her father (a man she has never met) at the age of 3 years. During her time there she was considered to be a rebellious girl and eventually found herself held in an asylum at the age of 11 years. 11 years, can you imagine?! No teenage years, no friends, no social life, no family. She was detained there until she was 41 years old. During her time there it seems that she was beaten and abused. All of this is of course awful and sad, but what struck me most was her spirit. Something about her face, expressions and words demonstrated an openness. In spite of the psychological impact and having so many reasons not to trust, to be fearful and despondent, I felt that she came across as so eager to see the kindness in people, to trust and love and believe. The childish acceptance, trust and innocence of her 3 year old self still sitting at the heart of who she is, even though she is now 74 years old.
Here is a link to the full episode should you wish to see it... http://www.channel4.com/programmes/24-hours-in-ae/on-demand/58575-014
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