summary: You and Remus are married, and it just so happens that Dumbledore has hired him to be Hogwarts new DADA professor while you already work at Hogwarts as Madam Pomfrey’s assistant.
pairing: Remus Lupin x professor(?)!healer!reader
includes: MAJOR FLUFF, you and snape act like children, remus being the best husband, the golden trio being the golden trio, making out, essentially everything you could find in any HP fic, minimal use of Y/N
a/n: I’m rereading the HP series and I forgot how much love I had for Remus 🩷
You and Remus had known each other since you accidentally tripped in front of him during your first year at Hogwarts—well, more like fell into his back on the express going to Hogwarts. Granted, you weren’t looking where you were going, but it’s not like he was supposed to be standing in the halls for that long. No matter, the two of you have always been as thick as thieves since then, and it wasn’t a surprise to anyone when you began dating during your sixth year and eventually got married soon after graduating.
And when you had your heart set on becoming a healer—specifically one for Hogwarts—Remus was your number one supporter. He was your backbone during the NEWTs in your seventh year and during your training at St. Mungo’s. Remus was always there when you needed a breather. Then, when Dumbledore hired you as Madam Pomfrey’s assistant, he was the first one to congratulate you on the achievement.
Moreover, you were always there when he needed support, too. During the first wizarding war, there were so many casualties that it was impossible to count them. And when James and Lily died, you were the first to comfort Remus—especially when it was brought up that Sirius might have been the one to expose their whereabouts to Voldemort and even kill Peter when he tried to defend the Potters.
You weren’t close with James and Lily, but Remus was their best friend, and you knew losing nearly all his friends in a span of a few days hurt like hell. It took a lot of love and reassurance to get Remus to get out of your shared bedroom and get ready for their funerals.
Nevertheless, it was trials like those that made the two of you the perfect pair. But something always ate at your insides. Since Remus was a werewolf, no one in the wizarding world would want him to work for them. Even if he never told them about his condition, they could easily piece together why he would disappear from work every full moon.
Remus told you he didn’t mind staying home and caring for the house, but you swore you saw the light in his eyes dim a little more every time he came back from an unsuccessful job hunt. So—against your better judgment—you sought out Dumbledore after a term at Hogwarts, when another Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had been sacked.
“Professor Dumbledore, sir!” You chased after him after you watched the last student leave the castle, smiling up at him with the same smile from your own years at Hogwarts. “Sir, I think I have the perfect replacement for the DADA position.”
Dumbledore hummed and waved his hand, lighting the rest of the candles in the corridor. “How many times have I told you to call me Albus? We work together, Y/N.”
“Sorry, sir— Albus.” You correct yourself before shaking your head. Twisting your wedding ring, you spoke up with a sparkle in your eyes. “As I was saying before, I think—”
“I know you want me to hire Remus for the job.” He cut you off, putting a hand up when you were about to speak up again. “I believe that’s a wonderful idea. And given what he is, I’m sure he knows all about what should be taught to the students.”
You beam up at him, “I’m glad we’re on the same page then, sir—Albus.” You correct yourself once more when he stares at you intently, your face flushing before clearing your throat. “Sorry, it’s a habit already… I should probably tell him—”
“Do not worry about telling him about the job, Y/N,” Dumbledore said calmly, patting your shoulder. “I will handle telling him when the time comes.”
What you didn’t expect was that Dumbledore practically waited until the very end of the summer holiday to inform Remus about the available position at Hogwarts. Every day, it became more and more evident that you knew something was going to happen. Even when Remus questioned your odd behavior, you simply brushed him off and kissed him silly until he forgot what he asked.
Well, up until Dumbledore told him.
“Dovey, you won’t believe who I ran into at Diagon Alley.” Remus entered the living room with paper bags, kissing your cheek when you took them from him and thanked him for buying ingredients you needed for remedies Madam Pomfrey requested you make over the holiday.
You furrow your brows in response to him, waving your wand and sorting the different ingredients alphabetically. “Who, Rem?”
“Dumbledore.” He stated and leaned back on the counter, watching your shoulder stiffen before they relaxed once more. Remus thought you couldn’t be more obvious, but he still played along. “He offered me a position at the school as the Defense Against Dark Arts professor.”
“Did he?” You murmur, refusing to turn around because you knew your eyes would give you away. You felt him get closer, his arms snaking around your waist, causing you to tilt your head in his direction, begging Godric that your eyes weren’t hinting at anything too revealing.
He hummed, “He said a little bird told him I’ve been lonely back home.”
“Lonely?” You scoffed and pulled away from him, putting your hands on your hips. “I did not call you lonely.”
Remus raised a brow at you—watching your face go from defensive to horrified to sheepish. He was probably more surprised than you when apologies began spilling from your lips, making him hold your arms to stop your rambling.
“Why are you apologizing?” He rubbed soft shapes into your arms.
“Because I offered you up for the job even when I didn’t ask you.” You murmured, pulling on the ends of your sweater. Well, technically, it was his sweater that you promptly stole from him one day. “I understand if you don’t want to take the position. I just thought—”
“Don’t be sorry. This is good.” He nudged his nose to yours, making you look up.
You blink and look between his eyes, searching for any kind of lie. “This… is?”
Remus chuckled and kissed your forehead, his chest rumbling when you went to wipe off the kiss in confusion, thinking it was a pity kiss. “Dovey, you and Dumbledore are the only ones left who still believe in me.” He shrugged. “I think this is a great opportunity.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Of course not.” He creased his brows together before balancing himself when you threw your arms around him, his hands splaying on your back carefully. Before he could ask, you spoke, your mood greatly improved from when you thought you were in trouble.
“I’m excited to work with you, Rem.” You smiled brightly when you pulled away, punching his arm lightly. “You’ll love it just as much as you did all those years ago.”
Unfortunately, you weren’t the only other employee at Hogwarts. While McGonagall was happy to have Remus as a professor—mainly because he was a star student back when he attended Hogwarts himself, and she trusted him to teach a class such as Defense Against the Dark Arts—Snape was anything but joyous to have him teaching a subject he wanted for himself.
“You have to be joking.” Severus drawled as he looked between you and Remus before his eyes settled on the headmaster himself. He sighed through his nose, “Albus, I simply cannot allow a werewolf to teach the students as you put them in danger—”
“Remus knows exactly what to do during his transformations.” You defend your husband, standing in front of him despite his warm hand on your waist to calm your fire, even though Remus wanted nothing more than to hide in the shadows of Dumbledore’s office. “And we both know wolfsbane is the perfect solution to his lycanthropy, Snape. Unless you want him to suffer just so you can teach—”
“Enough.” Dumbledore put a hand up, silencing whatever argument you and Severus had left. “You have been working together for several years, and only when Remus begins working here do the two of you begin arguing like first-year students.” He looked at the man mentioned with a soft smile before staring down at you and Severus through his moon-shaped spectacles. “While Remus teaches here, you cannot act like this, do you understand?”
You sigh and nod, crossing your arms while Severus begrudgingly agrees, somesort of grunt leaving his mouth. Still, the two of you glared at each other as if Dumbledore hadn’t said anything. Remus pursed his lips in discomfort and kissed your temple in an attempt to diffuse the tension between the two of you, causing Severus to finally look away with a grimace.
“I expect you three will be responsible and respectful this year.” Dumbledore finished in expectancy before sending you all out of the office with a simple wave of his hand.
The three of you descended his office, the pressure between the three of you still heavily weighted down until Severus spun around abruptly. He briefly looked at you before sighing again, his eyes trained on Remus with bitterness.
“Don’t expect me to be at your beck and call, Lupin.” He sneered before taking his own leave toward the dungeons, his cloak following behind like a foreboding shadow.
You scoff under your breath, “Arsehole.”
“Dovey.” Remus suppressed a laugh, shaking his head. “Let’s go home.”
The following week was hectic for you and Remus. Having to move his stuff over to yours—now your shared quarters at Hogwarts, and then planning lessons that the last two professors failed to complete. And when the students began arriving, Remus thought it would be better for him to take the express for old times’ sake, making you roll your eyes in affection at how nostalgia hit him like a brick.
But when you were taken away from the start-of-term feast to tend to Harry Potter because of a dementor attack, you thought the express ride was far more terrifying than nostalgic.
“What trouble have you gotten into this time, Harry?” You tut at the boy who always came rushing to you whenever he got cut by something magical that even Ron and Hermione couldn’t explain. “I swear, you’re always back at the hospital wing at the beginning of every term.”
Harry messed with his Hogwarts robes and pushed your hand away when you put the back of your hand on his forehead. “S’not my fault. The dementors came onto the train.”
You send him a somber look, “I heard all about it from McGonagall when she called me over. Let me get you some chocolate—”
“Oh! The new professor, I think Professor Lupin was his name, gave me some already.” Harry interrupted before you could shove more chocolate in his mouth. If he was being completely honest, he was getting pretty tired of chocolate already, and the term only just started.
“Did he?” You ask almost cheerfully, confusing Harry while he nods slowly, furrowing his brows when you clapped your hands lightly. Maybe it was because he was confused about why you were clapping about the attack. “That’s good.”
And before he could even ask, Madam Pomfrey walked in and checked Harry’s temperature and then heart rate, checking in with you about other important vitals. “I hear we finally got a good DADA professor. It’s nice to have someone who knows what they teach.”
“I agree.” You nod swiftly, making Madam Pomfrey roll her eyes in your direction. Harry looked between you two again, getting more and more confused with each passing second. “What?”
“Go down to the feast, you two.” She finally waved you and Harry off.
You tilt your head in mock offense, “I’m not a child, Poppy.”
She raised her brow, “Say that to me when you aren’t coming to me whining about being tired when the twins spell first years.” You feel your face warm at her words, but she continues. “In fact, that’s what your husband is for now that he’s—”
“That’s unfair!” You complain before catching yourself, clearing your throat, and scratching the back of your neck. She stared at you expectantly, shaking her head in amusement as you apologized hastily. “Sorry, Poppy.”
“Husband?” Harry turned to you once the two of you were out of the hospital wing, catching up to your surprisingly quick pace. “You’re married?”
It was quiet for a second, the words not processing through your mind until you were at the oak doors that concealed the Great Hall, where everyone else had already begun eating. You stop just before you could push the doors open, turning to look at him face-to-face.
“Of course, I am.” You send him an odd look, yet a smile appeared on your face. “To one of the smartest wizards I know.”
“Wait a second, do we even know who it is?” He inquired, taking notice that you were getting more impatient with all his questions. For once, you seemed more eager to get inside the Great Hall than he was.
“Oh, Harry.” You coo as if you were talking to a baby and pat his head, making him push your hand away again. “Let’s not ask the obvious.”
And with that, you pushed the oak doors open and entered the hall as if you hadn’t left Harry with so many unanswered questions. He watched you bound toward the staff table at the very front of the hall, taking your usual seat between McGonagall and whatever new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor they had this year, except the excitement he saw from you earlier only seemed to increase when you sat down.
What was even more unusual was that Snape’s glares seemed to be aimed at the new professor and you rather than Harry.
Harry took his seat beside Ron, looking over at Hermione. “Did you know Y/N is married?”
Hermione raised a brow at him and put her fork down, her gaze drifting toward the staff table along with Ron, who was busy stuffing his face full. “The ring on her hand wouldn’t suggest otherwise, why?”
“Because…” Harry trailed off before shaking his head. “Nevermind, it’s not important.”
Hermione and Ron glanced at each other before shrugging, although Hermione was already planning to keep an eye on you this year. Not that it was prudent to know who exactly you were dating, but if Harry mentioned it and found it a little interesting, it wouldn’t hurt to do a little investigating.
As the first term went by, it was more or less rough with how Remus was adjusting to teaching at Hogwarts, and with Snape constantly making snide remarks whenever Dumbledore wasn’t around, you were starting to get pissed. Even more so when Snape threatened not to make the potion for Remus one afternoon simply because you looked at him funny.
“Severus, it is completely unjust if you refuse to make the potion.” You hiss one day in his empty classroom, staring at him with nothing but pure hatred. “Frankly, I don’t care what happened back at Hogwarts when we were younger. What I care about is whether or not he is going to be okay during the next—”
“Is it unjust?” Severus narrowed his eyes at you. “I may be crude, but what if he is helping him get onto the school grounds?”
You scoff out a laugh, “I know my husband, and he would never—”
“Er— Professor Snape?” You heard a voice coming from the potion’s doorway, making you freeze on the spot. “Professor McGonagall asked me to fetch you for—”
“Weasley, can’t you see I’m busy?” Snape sneered before taking his leave without even taking any points off the Gryffindor house. You left the classroom soon after, leaving behind fury and annoyance from the earlier conversation—not even acknowledging Ron’s existence at the moment.
Against his better judgment, Ron followed you as best as he could, hoping you wouldn’t catch him in the act despite your indignant mood. However, when you turned west of the hospital wing, he saw a glimpse of where you were heading, only briefly hearing a voice before you slammed the door shut.
“Dovey—”
By the start of the second term, Harry, Hermione, and Ron still had no clue who you were married to. And it’s not like you were going to give them hints—you were always one to avoid talking about your personal life whenever they tried to pry. Honestly, they were about to give up by the end of January when Ron came up with such a crazy theory on the way to their Defense Against the Dark Arts class.
“You don’t think she’s married to Snape, do you?” Ron muttered as a group of Slytherins passed, rolling his eyes when he saw them trip a Hufflepuff.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Ron. We’ve known them for three years now. If they were married, we would know.” Hermione shook her head in exasperation, adjusting her shoulder bag. “Besides, her husband could very well not work at Hogwarts. There are thousands of wizards out there.”
Harry scuffed his shoe against the stone, his voice uncertain but clear. “But Ron said he heard someone when she entered the faculty tower.”
“That could be anyone.” She shook her head. “Come on, we'd better get to class before Malfoy decides it’s funny to take our seats again.”
At the same time, you were cooped up in Remus’ office. You just went up to check on him one last time since the full moon was coming up soon, when one thing led to another, and well… It’s not like you were doing anything indecent, but it was enough to traumatize someone if they walked into his office.
“Okay, I have to go.” You murmur as you pull away from his kisses, laughing when he pulls you close by the waist, not wanting to let go just yet. “Remus—”
“Yeah?” He grinned and kissed you once more, making you soften under his touch.
Smiling into the kiss, you pull away again, putting a hand up against his lips. “As much as I would love to stay here and kiss you dizzy, you have a class in about five minutes, and—” You reinforce your tone when you feel him open his mouth against your palm. “—Poppy will come after my head if I don’t show up to help her reorganize our remedy cabinet.”
Remus lolled his head to the side with honey eyes that made you melt on the spot before you shook your head, already walking backwards toward the exit of his office. “Don’t miss me too much, Lupin.”
“I’m already dying, dove.” He grinned and followed you down the stairs, hands in his pants pockets as his room began filling with Slytherins and Gryffindors, the golden trio entering the classroom with curiosity. “The three troublemakers.”
“Yep.” You murmur with a smile, waving to the three of them as you head for the door.
Ron, however, stopped you from advancing, suspicion lacing his voice when he spoke. “What were you doing here?”
You shrugged, taking small steps toward the exit, glancing at Remus momentarily before answering Ron. Technically, you were lying to them, but they didn’t need to know your husband was a werewolf or that you were basically making out with their professor for the past twenty minutes. “Giving the new professor tips and tricks on how to deal with you lot.”
Hermione frowned, “But it’s been an entire term—”
“Have fun with DADA!” You cut the busy-haired girl off, finally taking your leave as Remus calms the class down to start their lesson on Red Caps.
Then, in February, you and Remus decided it would be nice to actually get out of the castle for once. Of course, since there wasn’t anywhere else to go, you landed on going to Hogsmeade for the weekend. There wasn’t an exact shop or place either of you wanted to go to, but it had been a while since you and Remus went out on a date without having to be needed by the students at every waking minute.
But it wasn’t like they didn’t approach. On the way, several students came up to you and Remus to simply say hi or how are you? You were both kind enough to respond, but truly, you just wanted to spend time together. And just as a first-year Hufflepuff named Julie left the two of you alone, you finally turned to Remus—seemingly exhausted by the number of students coming up to you.
“We could get butterbeer?” You suggested, your arm curled around Remus’ while your old scarf billows in the wind, the stone path covered in bits of snow. You carefully stepped over a pile of gray snow, nose scrunching as you spoke. “And then we could go to Tomes and Scrolls after.”
“I like the sound of that.” He nodded and pressed a muted kiss to your temple, guiding you into the Three Broomsticks.
As you entered, Madam Rosmerta’s eyes flickered up when footsteps entered the pub, gasping when she saw the two of you appear in front of her. Instantly, she rushed over to you and pressed a kiss to your cheek before doing the same with Remus, just as though the two of you were the children she saw dancing around each other’s feelings.
“Well, isn’t this a sight to see. My favorite Gryffindors together once more.” She gushed, squeezing your arm.
You smile and pull your scarf off, gingerly teasing her when she kept looking at the two of you in awe, as if she could hardly believe her eyes. “Stop, you’ll make me blush.” You wave her off, your own gaze shifting to pride when you catch Remus’ eyes. “Actually, Remus got a job at Hogwarts.”
“I heard.” Madam Rosmerta tilted her head with her own smile before gesturing for both of you to take a seat, wiping her hands on her apron. “I think a batch of butterbeer on me is in order.”
Remus raised his brows in surprise, shaking his head at the offer. “Please, there’s no need to—”
“I’m doing it anyway, Lupin.” She insisted and shooed you away, gently pushing the two of you away from the bar.
You laughed softly as Remus took you to a booth, humming as you calmed down. Tilting your head, you rested your chin in your palms and studied Remus as if he were a textbook you were supposed to be studying for an exam. He raised a brow in your direction, silently asking you what you were thinking.
“Seriously, though, I’m happy you’re here.” You say in response, eyes still trained on him. You feared that if you looked away for even a second, he would disappear. Before he could say anything, you asked him a question that you hoped would yield a positive answer. “Are you happy to be teaching here?”
Remus nudged your foot with his, a small smile making its way to your face at the simple action that filled your chest with his oh-so familiar warmth. “I would like to say so. The students are quite wonderful and are curious about what we seem to be learning.” He waved a hand around, a recognizable grin plastered on his lips. “And I guess it’s a bonus that you work here too.”
“Aw, you love me.” You chuckle, reducing to a puddle when he cupped your face and placed a tender kiss on your lips. “Remus…”
“And you know that is completely and utterly true.” He rested his forehead on yours and pressed one last peck before pulling away, acutely aware of how students from Hogwarts were gaping at you both.
It almost seemed quiet in the Three Broomsticks now, all heads turned to where you and Remus sat. Then, several seconds later, whispers began to fill the air. Some were giddy, and some were in repulsion at the thought of the staff having a relationship outside of the school.
“I think they know.” You mumble with a tiny smirk, thanking Madam Rosmerta when she delivers the butterbeer tankards at your table. Stirring your straw around the drink, you look around the pub as well, choking on your drink when you catch Ginny Weasley staring like she saw a ghost.
Remus shrugs, “They definitely know, but who cares, really?” He sipped his butterbeer, causing you to wipe the excess from the corner of his lips. “I mean, the other day, we nearly had the Weasley twins walk in my office while you were—”
“Enough.” You cover his mouth, face burning from the memory. Your next words came out in a low whisper, “I thought we agreed to never mention that ever again?”He laughed against your palm and kissed the skin there.
After your date at the Three Broomsticks, you were sure everyone knew that you and Remus were in a relationship, as there were students who seemed to tease you whenever they saw you walking in the hallway. Even McGonagall now had her fun at poking at the two of you, saying how she was the sole reason you even got together in the first place.
Unfortunately, Harry, Ron, and Hermione still couldn’t piece together that the two of you were married. Not until the three of them ran into Remus when he was on his way to see you. They suppose he was just visiting the hospital wing since he tended to be ill a lot, but he looked physically fine, confusing them for the last time, since Remus had told them that he would be busy after his final class.
“Professor!” Harry stumbled over his own feet when he did a double-take, taking notice of how Remus was actually walking quite happily compared to most days whenever he navigated himself to the hospital wing. “I-I thought you said you were busy?”
“I am, Harry.” Remus corrected, not even sparing a glance toward the young wizard. “I’m off to the hospital wing.”
Ron furrowed his brows and looked at Harry and Hermione sideways before speaking, “Are you feeling… Okay? I mean— You know… You look fine, professor.”
He nodded and made a sharp left turn, causing the three Gryffindors to crash into one another. “I’m feeling great, Ron.”
Hermione brushed herself off and quickly chased after Remus, not bothering to even check up on Ron and Harry. She was out of breath by the time she caught up with him, equally shocked at how lively Professor Lupin was today. Typically, they’d have to slow their own pace so he could catch up with them.
“Sir, why—?”
“Remus! What took you so long?” You call out to him when you see him enter the hospital wing, smiling knowingly when the golden trio walks in behind him. Waving at them, you shook your head, all pieces clicking together. “I should’ve known it was you three who would slow him down.”
Hermione tucked her curled hair back, chest still rising and falling from the journey it took to get here. “Well, we were actually heading to the library when we ran into Professor Lupin—”
You clicked your tongue when you looked at the giant clock displayed above the door, “Luckily, Remus made it here on time. We’re cutting it close with our reservation at the Gilded Griffin.”
Only then did the three Gryffindors notice what you and Remus were wearing. While Remus was wearing black, sharp dress robes, they didn’t even know he owned—for he always dressed in his shabby, torn ones—you were dressed in a maroon dress that they thought was far too fancy to even wear for any occasion besides a wedding. Ron’s mouth dropped open before Hermione shut it with the tip of her finger, but equally shocked at the way the two of you dressed.
“Ready, dove?” Remus let you take his arm, his smile softening as he looked you up and down.
“Always.” You nod cheerfully and pull your wand out, not noticing the way the trio was looking at you like you had both grown multiple heads.
And before you could apparate—special permission given by Dumbledore himself because he definitely favored the two of you over others—Harry snapped out of his astonished gaze and practically shouted at you like he was bleeding out to die.
“YOU’RE MARRIED TO PROFESSOR LUPIN?”
You break away from admiring Remus and tut at Harry, patting his head once more. Ironically, Harry was starting to believe you loved to treat him like your own child because of how often you did that to him. He pushed your hand off his hair, scowling a little when you spoke to him with a mocking tone.
“Oh, Harry… Of course, I am.”
Hermione’s mouth opened and closed several times before settling on something, “B-but how come—”
“If you ever asked what my last name was, we wouldn’t be here, now would we?” You tilt your head before smiling at them, watching the three of them look at one another incredulously. “I will see you three later. For now, behave and don’t go looking for trouble.”
And with that, you and Remus disapparted with three very surprised Gryffindors.
“Well, Professor Lupin. I think we really deserve this now.” You laugh when you appear at the entrance of the restaurant, propping your chin on his shoulder.
Remus pressed a kiss to your lips, “I couldn’t agree more.”
hi and congrats on 1,300 followers!! i love your writing, you absolutely deserve it. for you celebration can i request: “are you jealous?” “jealousy is an egregious and shallow emotion for weak minded individuals.” “oh, you are jealous!” with remus?
thank you!!!
Hi and thank you! ❤︎ This is pretty fluff but I hope you still enjoy ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎
1,300 follower celebration
Mr. Flashcards
Remus Lupin x gn!reader
816 words
cw: fluff, no Y/N, Remus is jealous over nothing
Somewhere between literally running into Remus in the library and being partnered with him in Defense Against the Dark Arts, you started being friends with him. You found yourself sitting at the same table when he was studying and standing next to him when he was chatting with friends in between classes. And somewhere between him offering to pay for your butterbeer and that two-second kiss during spin the bottle at the end of fifth year, you thought that Remus would ask you out.
But he didn’t. You stayed friends. You didn’t let anything ruin your friendship, even if you wanted something more. You never talked about it. You never talked about the kiss. You never talked about the moments when the air between you felt electrified.
You stayed just friends.
You were attempting to study in the library when Marcus Clopton asked if you wanted help with Herbology. He told you he already had flashcards made. You didn’t have any reason to say no.
When Remus walked into the library not even ten minutes later, instead of seeing you sitting alone at your usual table, you were quietly laughing with Marcus as you went through the flashcards. He knew he wasn’t your only friend, but that was the table you shared with him. You always studied with him. There really hadn’t ever been anyone else.
Except for the handful of times when his or your roommates tagged along.
Remus tried to ignore the feeling of betrayal settling in his stomach as he chose a different table to study at, one where he couldn’t hear or see you.
He thought it was going to be a one-off thing. It was one afternoon. He could go an afternoon without you.
However, he quickly realized he couldn’t go certain classes with you. Herbology? Fine. Remus knew he wasn’t the best at it. You could sit next to Marcus, rather than him, and study plants. Fine. History of Magic? Not so fine. He had half a mind to walk up to Marcus and tell him to move. But you were already laughing at something he said when Remus walked into the classroom and that felt like a punch to the gut. Grumpily, he sat next to Peter and tried to not eavesdrop on whatever you were saying.
A week of this had Remus feeling like he was going mad. He missed having you all to him. Selfish? Maybe, but he didn’t care. He missed hearing all your stupid comments, hearing your laugh and being the cause of it, watching you smile when you got something right. He even missed the way you tapped your quill against your ink well when you were thinking hard. You were his… friend, and he hated that he hated seeing you hang around Marcus. And he missed you. A lot.
He once again took a table in the library far from the one he knew you’d be at with Marcus. He didn’t want to see it. Still, his knuckles turned white with how tight he was gripping his quill at the thought of you leaning closer to him as you laughed, maybe putting your hand on his shoulder, like you used to do with him.
“Remus!”
He jumped at your voice.
“There you are. I’ve been looking for you,” you said, settling your books on the table. “You know I can’t do this Defense essay without you.”
It slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it. “Can’t Clopton help you?”
You gave him a confused look.
“Why would I ask Marcus? We always do our essays together.”
“He’s been helping you all week,” Remus said flatly, not looking at you. He couldn’t bring himself to.
“W-with Herbology!” You leaned over the table. “You know we had that test yesterday? And he offered to study with me and-” you defended yourself. You knew why you were defending yourself, but you didn’t know why Remus seemed so bitter about it until he cut you off.
“It’s been more than studying.”
“Remus, what is… wait.” It dawned on you. “Are you jealous?”
He rolled his eyes. He had yet to look at you.
“Jealousy is an egregious and shallow emotion for weak minded individuals.”
You barked a laugh that earned you a shushing from a table near you. “Oh, you are jealous!”
The tips of his ears turned red.
“What do I have to jealous of Mr. Flashcards for?”
“You tell me, Mr. Sitting-On-The-Other-Side-Of-The-Library.”
The entirety of his ears were red now.
“T’s quiet over here,” he mumbled.
“Remus.”
He didn’t look at you.
“Remus.”
Slowly, he brought his eyes to meet yours.
“If you’re going to be jealous of Marcus, at least ask me out?”
Remus swallowed thickly and nodded. You raised your eyebrows expectantly. He cleared his throat.
“Would you, erm, like to come to Hogsmeade? With me?”
author's note: i dont know how i feel about this but enjoy. english is not my first language so beware <3
You stood on your feet, staring dead into the brown eyes before you. You weren't even aware of your frown, but you were sure you didn't look happy. His mocking eyes were eliciting you, sending waves of rage down your chest.
"How about you two sit together?" James asked, smiling with his eyes.
You reminded yourself that your anger wasn't aimed at James but rather at his tall and vexatious friend. Thus, instead of snapping at him, you sent him a mere warning glare.
"Or you can just fight. That'll work," James shrugged and turned around.
Your eyes averted back to Remus, who had slouched behind your desk–the same desk you had been sitting behind for years.
"That is my seat, Lupin."
He didn't budge at all, keeping on staring at you.
"I didn't see your name on it."
You pinched the bridge of your nose. This boy was going to be the end of you.
"Remus," you said, "I've sat there last year and the year before that, please go find yourself another desk."
"It's a new school year, though, is it not? Make a change."
He must be testing your patience, which was at its limit. The lesson was about to start and yet you were still on your feet.
You blamed Remus for that.
The desk he had been resting behind was yours. You didn't need to write your name on it, everyone knew it was yours. For six years of Transfiguration, you had been sitting there, listening or sometimes disturbing the class with James and Sirius. It had a nice view of the board and could hide you well if needed.
Thus, you had always sat behind Pads and Prongs while Remus sat…
Well, you didn't know where he sat, but it was definitely not next to you.
"Miss Y/L/N, sit down please."
You closed your eyes for a moment when you heard Professor McGonagall's stern tone. With a quick glance around, it was obvious that you were the only one standing. So after a sharp exhale, you sat down next to Remus.
"Wanker."
Remus let out a derisive hum.
This. This was what would drive you crazy. This was what would make you want to strangle the boy, burn the body and get away with murder. That mocking, jeering and pleased hum.
James and Sirius would always tease you for not getting along with one person that anyone could get along with. Always fighting and bantering with one person that anyone could have a proper conversation with.
The problem was that they weren't exactly wrong.
You always witnessed how Remus was kind and gentle with everyone, rendering it absolutely impossible to bicker with him. He would smile and nod, easing his way out of every dilemma. He wouldn't pick a fight, and certainly wouldn't provoke anyone.
Except you.
With you, he was acting like a moronic person. Or that's what you thought.
When you were little, he would pull your braids in the mornings, but would mumble a quick 'I liked your hair today' in the evenings.
When you were famished for breakfast, he would grab the last waffle before you could, leaving you frowning with an aching hunger, but then leave bars of chocolate on your books during class breaks.
When you would be studying with the Marauders and couldn't cast a spell, he would smirk and mock your ineptness but would seek you out before the exam and explain how to move your wrist better than any professor could.
He would never disrespect you, but wouldn't let you stay sane throughout the day, either.
Lost between his inconsistent behaviours, you would find yourself confused, overthinking every tiny interaction to fathom if he cared for you or not. You would often decide on the latter.
For the sake of the other boys, you would ignore his gall and cheekiness. Although you had moments of outbursts, which would eventually lead to a bigger fight, you had managed to keep the problem under control so far.
"Miss, Y/L/N?"
You jerked your head up, finding the source of your name. McGonagall was piercing through you with her icy eyes, almost judging you for not listening, without voicing anything.
"Yes, professor?"
"Answer the question."
What question?
She asked a question?
You parted your lips, shuffling useless facts or overlooked memories in your mind to stumble upon the right one.
You felt one second drew out to one minute, or maybe it was simply your anxiety. Embarrassment was making its way under your skin with every second- or minute?
You were starting to sweat as your body was on fire.
"Levicorpus," Remus whispered under his mouth.
Not wasting a second, you repeated the word, earning a nod from the Professor. She turned away, carrying on with the lesson.
"What was the question?" you asked the boy. He didn’t bother to look at you.
"Pay attention next time."
“James, it’s a terrible, horrible, and incredibly foolish idea.”
You were dawdling around in the yard, enjoying the weather while you could. With the chill breeze mingling around your hair, nothing could ruin your peace. That is until the Marauders entered the scene.
“Exactly. That’s why we should do it.”
Being friends with James and Sirius was hard, especially if you’re the only one with common sense. Who would believe making a firework explosion in the middle of the Great Hall would earn them a ball to celebrate Christmas?
James and Sirius.
“We need to call Dumbledore’s attention. Bring it right up to the headmaster, or it won’t work,” Sirius backed up his friend. You ignored Remus’s scoff-like laugh.
“Your worry is that if you bomb up the Great Hall in front of any other professor except Dumbledore you won’t get a ball?”
“See, now you’re getting it-”
“What makes you think you will get a ball?”
James stopped walking, put his hands on each side of his waist in disappointment, and frowned.
“Now, you’re just repeating Moony.”
You glanced at Remus, who was staring at you with blank and tired eyes. This boy really needed to sleep, but that was another day’s problem. Your eyes lingered a bit longer on his attire before returning to James; tawny jumper with black lines and ivory trousers under a pastel orange trench coat.
“Rare moment of your Moony using his common sense,” you shrugged. “You know you’ll get a huge detention, right?”
“What else is new?” James smirked. “Are you gonna help us?”
The prospect of a ball during Christmas did entertain you. Fancy dresses and music, all while carousing with your friends was something no teenager would reject. And you knew if things wouldn’t go as planned, Marauders wouldn’t acknowledge your involvement; that was an agreement between the four boys even Remus had honoured. So you agreed to help them.
They made you regret it a few moments later in the Gryffindor common room.
“I’m not working with Remus.” you shook your head intently, wearing a displeased expression.
“Oh come on! Why not?” James pleaded. “You two are the best at Charms! You just need to figure out how to charm the fireworks to act how we want them to. Pete will get them and hide them, while Pads and I will handle transforming them into letters.”
“Because last time we worked on something together, it blew right in our faces.” you point at Remus with your hand. “I got zero when I could’ve got the best point available.”
“Wasn’t the potion perfect? Professor gave you a zero because you wouldn’t stop bickering,” Peter said. “It was very distracting.”
You cringed at the memory. Your hard work had held no value only for a little (or not so little) quarrel with your partner. The only nice outcome was that they rarely partnered you two together anymore.
Remus was slouched on the couch, legs apart with one hand placed on his thigh, while the other held a book. He lowered his book to look at your discontented face.
“I’m not happy about it either, yet you don’t see me whinging.”
You winced at him in aversion.
“I’d rather not see you at all.”
“You’d miss me,” he tilted his head, wearing a feigned smile.
James clapped his hands to prevent another incoming tiff.
“Alright, you two will start your research when you see fit and keep us updated. Don’t drag it out until November though, it’s a bit of a complicated matter.”
By the time a month had passed, you had figured that irritation was like a bunch of thorns piercing through your skin thanks to Remus. You had also learned that you can murder someone by spoon, but why would anyone bother themselves with shoving the spoon down Remus’s throat?
Therefore, you had been sitting with Remus every week, halting yourself from stabbing him with your quill. He wasn’t helping you out at all.
“Stop hitting my arm,” you whisper-shouted once more. Was Remus Lupin thick-headed? He didn’t look like it, so he probably just enjoyed getting a reaction out of you.
“What is your arm’s business next to mine? Sit properly.”
“Remus, If you haven’t noticed, you’re tall–”
“Thank you.”
“I didn’t mean it as a compliment, shut up,” your head snapped in his direction, facing his smug grin. “You’re taking much more space than me.”
“Well, sorry for you.”
“You’re distracting me from my studies.”
“You’re doodling right now,” he pointed to the paper before you with his brows. “And miserably failing, if I may add.”
“No, you may not–”
“Is that supposed to be a rabbit?” he inclined his head an inch more to the paper. You smelled his shampoo from his hair, crisp and woodsy and; the brown locks were so close you wanted to run your hand through them to see if they were real.
“That’s clearly a cat.”
“Why does your cat have two paws?”
“She’s sitting!”
“You really suck at this,” he propped his head back, offering you a pitiful look.
“Oh, and you’re rocking?”
“Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Y/L/N,” you flinched at your name from McGonagall.
“But professor, Lupin–”
“One more distraction and I will make it twenty.”
You clenched your jaw shut and lowered your head, letting embarrassment swallow you whole as all Gryffindor students sent you scrutinising glares. Of course, you would be the unlucky one that would get picked by the professor, not Remus, who was provoking you in the first place.
So, until the end of the class, you kept your head low and zoned out with your doodles.
You drew a circle, but it was more like a sun in your mind. Or the moon. You didn’t remember.
You drew ears for the moon, and it seemed like two triangles stuck to a circle, but you didn’t mind that either.
You even took some notes of the lesson but then you scribbled something that’s supposed to be a lamp or a cactus on them, so they weren’t very readable in the end.
You only snapped out of it when the unusual noise rioted, signalling that the class was dismissed. You had spent an hour doing nothing; an amazing use of time.
Remus pushed a parchment on your art pieces, covering them. You didn’t see what was scrawled on the parchment as Remus’s hand had blocked the ink.
“I do rock,” he said before heading out of the classroom.
You stared after him as he disappeared behind the door. You thought he would be in the library as you lifted the parchment.
It was a sketch of you from the side.
You took the red velvet cookie in your hand, examining it for any trace of poison. They seemed perfectly fine, delicious even. What was troubling you was that they were a treat from James. Thus, there was no way you could get good-looking, appetising, tasty cookies without a headache.
“Have you two started your research?”
That was it. You had a headache.
Therefore, you deserved the cookies. You took three of them in your hand and threw yourself next to Sirius. You turned to lock eyes with Remus, all while nibbling on your sweet.
You noticed him looking at you and then your hands and then...your lips? You immediately pushed the thought deep into your mind, not indulging it even a second. No, he was probably staring at the cookie next to your lips.
Unconsciously, you put the sweet down and arched a brow at him.
“Not yet,” he said without breaking eye contact with you.
You heard James groan and used it as an excuse to avert your eyes, but you could still feel his brown gaze set your body aflame. You couldn’t quite figure out if it was his hatred or something else that you refused to voice that was burning through you. You didn’t dwell on it.
“You’re waiting for Christmas Eve to do it?”
“Prongs is right, Pick a time and do your homework, lads,” Sirius agreed. “Pete is done already.”
“It’s hard to mentally prepare yourself for Remus,” you said, mouth half full.
“Don’t talk your mouth full, it’s disgusting.”
“You haven’t seen yourself eating, have you?”
“Here we go again,” James complained. “Just go to the bloody library and find the spells, will ya?”
Remus stood up, and strode up next to you, towering over you. You stared at him like he was a crazy person, which he was in your opinion.
“Let’s go,” he said.
“Now?”
“Yes, you have things to do?”
You didn’t have things to do. In fact, your only to-do list for today was eating red velvet cookies. That’s why you didn’t know why you were hesitant to go and be alone with Remus. You didn’t know why your heart started to pick a race, either.
“I’m…” You looked around, seeking an excuse that you knew didn’t exist. “Eating cookies?”
Remus grabbed the cookie jar. “You’ll eat them on our way to the library.”
All four boys were looking at you expectantly, so you hopped on your feet. You didn’t bother to take the jar from Remus.
“Don’t sulk, Y/N, it’s for the greater good!” You heard Sirius call after you.
You exited the common room, went down the stairs and hastened to the library. You didn’t look back for Remus; you knew he was there. You could feel his presence.
You didn’t question how he had managed to get the cookie jar in when you entered the library and he placed it on a table. You simply turned to the books, chasing their titles with your finger.
“What are we exactly looking for?”
“Something that will charm the fireworks to act how we want,” Remus mumbled, too focused on the book titles. You noticed him examining the shelves that you had passed because of your height. It both irritated and tingled you the way he effortlessly could reach the top shelves.
“And how do we want them to act?”
“Fly around in order, not the way they fly around usually.”
You hummed and didn’t engage in anything more. Taking a cookie from the jar, you started reading and digging into all sorts of books.
How to charm your brush to comb your hair?
Not the one you've been looking for but sounded nice, you should look it up some other time.
Charms to take revenge on the ones that wronged you.
Would Remus get suspicious if you picked that one? You should look that one up too, next time.
Charms for cheating in the exam.
Why did a school shelter a book like this?
Charms for celebrations.
You smiled, looking up at the red-covered book. If there was a celebration, then there certainly would be fireworks.
You stretched out your hand to take the book, but your fingers only brushed its spine.
You climbed on your tiptoes, trying again. This time you could feel the engraved title letters on the spine. But other than that, to no avail.
A heft and warmth, that didn’t belong to you, stroke your body. Your skin reacted faster than you did. You felt the surge of an unfamiliar heat and shivers under your skin, unable to fathom the hand on your hand.
You turned your head back, almost bumping it into Remus's chin. He wasn't looking at you, but you could see his clenched jaw and stiffened shoulders. The close proximity was suffocating, or maybe your breath had hitched. Either way, you held your breath.
Remus grabbed the red book, stepped back and started skimming it.
"You're starting,” he said.
It took you longer than usual to react to him.
"I found the book first," you said after recovering from the sudden and uncharacteristic surge of heat. You hoped your face wasn't flustered.
"Why didn't you take it first then?"
He was mocking your height difference, and it didn’t annoy you this time. It did, however, make you conscious of your heart’s rhythm.
"I was close. You interrupted me."
Remus looked up from the book, a teasing smile gleaming on his lips.
"The only thing you were close to was hitting your head on the shelf."
You frown, being absolutely free of his previous effect on you. You snatched the book out of his hand and sat behind the table. You didn't raise your head when Remus stood in front of you and over your head, with his arms placed on the table.
You focused on the ink, forgetting Remus’s suffocating presence. That’s why you didn’t want to be left alone with him.
After a few minutes and lines or pages, your eyes twinkled with mischief. Two pages of instruction on different ways of charming fireworks.
"Found it."
The easy part was done.
You let Remus take the book from you. He read the page with a wrinkle between his brows and nodded after finishing it.
“We’ll have to start practising it soon.”
“Have some pity, I exceeded my weekly tolerance of you, today,” you murmured. “I can’t spend any more time with you.”
“And what made you think that I enjoyed our time together?” Remus stepped a bit back and leaned into a shelf.
You parted your lips and then closed them again. Time had gone rather unproblematic with Remus today, and ended without a headache. It was almost...boring.
“You never even once did something to annoy me.”
His lips curved, eyes gleaming in amusement.
“Do you want me to annoy you?”
You hated the teasing in his tone. Something between confusion and disclosure hit you in the gut, goosebumps rose in your arm as a response to your fluttering heart.
“What? No, why would I–”
“Do you enjoy bickering with me, Y/N?”
“I don’t!"
“You sure? Sometimes it sounds like you’re picking fights with me on purpose.”
“You flatter yourself, Lupin,” you laughed, a bit awkwardly. He was smiling now, one step away from smirking. You noticed you rarely saw him smile this big around you. It was beautiful.
“Just like you said, I wasn’t the one annoying you today. You started it.”
You felt the temperature rise in your body, embracing you without your consent. You didn’t appreciate the way he threw the accusations at you or the way his eyes wrinkled adorably when he beamed.
“You’re not the only one hating the other.”
Your lips uttered the words but you didn’t hear yourself. You were too busy to stare at his changing expressions. His smile ebbed a little, but not enough to wipe the soft wrinkles around his eyes. He walked up to you, excruciatingly slow, looming over you. You watched his eyes rambling between your eyes, and even travelling to your lips, too. Your eyes, however, stayed only on the brown orbs, sorting out every layer, every colour, every blemish one by one.
“I don’t hate you,” you heard him drawl.
Before you could take in what he murmured, his face changed into something else. You fathomed it from the twitch in his jaw and his faltering blinks.
“You’re just annoying,” he said as if recovering his tone.
He stepped back, eyes lingering on your lips for one more second before turning away. You bit down your lips as you watched him exit the library.
“I brought candles,” you announced, tossing the candles to the wooden floor. They made an uncomfortably loud thud on the ground, causing you to grimace in displeasure.
“Yes, please make sure to break all of them. Don’t leave one unharmed,” you rolled your eyes at Remus’s cynical voice in the other corner of the Requirement Room.
You two have been visiting there to learn the charm of the fireworks every week. For two weeks, you had been working with the sticks and had mastered them. Thus, it was time to finally alter the sticks with candles, something that resembled a firework according to Sirius. They didn’t want to work on fireworks, it would be a waste for James.
“They’re fine. Don’t be dramatic,” you said to him as he walked up to you, glancing at the candles on the floor.
You felt him squat down, grabbing a white candle. He showed you a crack on it that wasn’t there before.
“It was there before.”
“Yeah, sure,” he grinned. “What’s with the colours?”
You shrugged. Why choose only white candles when you could have red and yellow and purple and pink also?
“Don’t mind the colours. Let’s start.”
Remus lit a candle as you took out your wand. He placed it on a chair, and stepped back, waiting for you to cast the spell.
When you first muttered the incantation, nothing happened.
You tried again, this time more fiercely both in your spelling and movements.
Nothing happened, The candle was sitting on the chair, mocking you with its flame. You were sure Remus was also repeating the same internally.
“You’re too hesitant to bend your wrist,” he said.
You didn’t hear any teasing in his voice but still cringed in embarrassment.
“You won’t put out the candle if you bend your wrist a bit hard, Y/N. Stop hesitating,” he said again.
You tried once more, despite the sweat forming on your temple from anxiety.
With sticks, it was easy. Say the spell, bend the wrist and aim the wand.
With candles, you were afraid you would mess it up somehow; maybe put out the fire or even start a bigger fire. It was a fire, after all, it was dangerous.
When you failed again, Remus made his way to you, standing only a step away behind you.
You felt his breath behind your neck as he closed that one step, laying his body onto yours. You didn’t manage to ask him what he was doing, you didn’t need to. Your heart dropped when he put his hand on yours, lifting it in the air. He aimed it towards the candle, but you were too out of it to apprehend.
Your whole body was focused on his skin on yours, savouring his touch on you without your permission. Suddenly, you didn’t think the sweat was from anxiety. You didn’t think your heartbeats were from embarrassment. You didn’t think your whole body was aflame because you were conscious of your ineptness.
You knew what it was. You knew what it was that set fires in the core of your chest, grasped the air from your lungs, and took the strength in your muscles away.
But you didn’t acknowledge it.
You let Remus move your arm, copying the instructions. You let him brush your hand with his fingers. You let him show you how to bend your wrist all while his hand on yours. You let him whisper the incantation in your ear.
You felt the void around your fingers when he withdrew his hand and his body from yours.
“Go on,” he said, so low you wouldn’t hear him if you weren’t holding your breath.
You aimed the wand, bent your wrist, and cast the spell.
The candle rose to the air, attracting a few candles to itself and lighting them up.
“Attagirl. My turn."
You said nothing as you stepped away, letting Remus place himself in front of the chair. You lighted another candle for him and put it on the chair.
You watched him take a stance and aim his wand. You didn’t know if it was because of his stance or his long legs or arms, but he looked…handsome.
He looked handsome with his serious expression; wrinkled brows, clenched jaw, stiff shoulders and narrowed eyes.
Heck, he looked handsome with his smiling expression too; curled-up pink lips, brown locks decorating his forehead, chestnut eyes glistening as his smile.
You cursed yourself at your admission.
He cast the spell, succeeding with the first attempt. The side of his lip inched up with pride for a tiny second.
You did it. You were ready for the plan. The only thing left was James and Sirius’s work.
He turned his eyes to yours.
“We did it.”
“Yes,” you nodded and got to collect the candles.
Remus frowned, visibly uncomfortable at something.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“What?”
You refused to glance at him. You didn’t want to admit anything else just because his ridiculous gorgeousness affected you.
“Something’s wrong. You’re acting weird.”
“How am I acting weird? I’m just cleaning up the mess so we can go and eat.”
“Yeah, but,” he started helping you out by gathering the unused candles, “You’re a bit–”
“I didn’t know you cared about me,” you snapped your head in his direction.
He stopped whatever he was doing. You saw him swallow.
“I don’t.”
“Good.”
You almost threw your candles at him.
“I’m going to dinner.”
You didn’t wait for him. As you exited the room, you reminded yourself that he thought of you as annoying.
“Stop panicking.”
“I’m not panicking!” You wiped your palms on your cloak, counting to ten to calm your nervousness.
“Yeah, sure, that’s why your breath is unsteady.”
“Why are you even focused on my breath?”
You frowned when Remus didn’t reply.
It was a big day. In the end, you'll either end up dreaming about your ball dress or worrying about the detention.
James and Sirius were in the Great Hall, hidden under the Invisibility Cloak. They were waiting for your charmed fireworks as you and Remus were waiting for Peter to bring them behind the gate.
Everyone was busy eating their dinner, like a casual evening. Chatters and clatters were mingling in the air, serving you an opportunity for secrecy.
Remus was standing next to you–a bit close, as your arms were glued together. His eyes were on the corner where James and Sirius were, as your eyes should be looking for Peter.
Except that you weren't looking for Peter.
No matter how much you wanted to prevent it, your eyes were drawn to Remus.
For the last fifteen days, it had been this way. You would look for Remus in every corner, and your heart would chirp like a bird when you would find him. You would start agitating him so maybe he would react, and wouldn’t back down when he would annoy you first.
Even now, you couldn’t help but steal secret peeks at him. Sharp jawline and unblemished face despite the scars were completed with downy hair and hazel eyes.
He was stunning and you were attracted to him. Your five-years-ago self would roll her eyes at you if she was to see you. You were attracted to him despite his annoyance with you, and your pride hated you for that.
You were sure if Remus knew your newly emerging feeling for him, he would mock you to the point you cried.
You turned your head away from Remus when you heard heavy step voices. Peter was bringing a box full of fireworks, trying to be as discreet as possible in the meantime. You stepped up and helped him. He nodded at you before entering the Great Hall like a starved boy whose only intention was to have dinner.
You pulled Remus’s sleeve and he turned to you. You heard him mumble ‘right’ under his breath before taking out his wand. You repeated the same, waiting for him to sort out the fireworks.
“We’ll do it at the same time, remember. Or James won’t be able to Accio all of them at once.”
You nodded, aiming your wand all while alerting your senses to Remus’s voice. Between all the noise from the Great Hall, he had to raise his tone from whispers.
“One. Two. Three.”
Both of you cast the spell. You made sure to bend your wrist this time. Two of the fireworks lit up and attracted other fireworks to themselves. Remus sent James the signal.
Seconds passed, but the fireworks weren’t Accio’d anywhere.
You waited a bit more, glancing at Remus to see him do the same with a frown.
Another few seconds passed.
Nothing.
It was getting dangerous. You couldn’t be near them. They were about to blow up.
You squirmed close to the wall, adrenalin filling up your veins and piercing your heart. Remus was sending the signal over and over again but to no avail.
You wanted to run but your legs were glued to the ground, not even managing to help your standing let alone running. You winced as the firework got close to blowing by a second.
One more second and it was going to explode right in your faces.
One.
You felt Remus’s body on yours, pushing you hard to the wall, almost squeezing you with his torso. His arms held your sides as you leaned into him, clenching your eyes shut.
You waited for the big hit.
But it never came.
Remus raised his head from yours, checking around.
Fireworks weren’t there.
Just when you moved to get away from Remus’s hold, blaring cracks emerged in the air. You let out a scream, thinking it came from near you. Remus squeezed your arms, snapping his head to you.
“Bloody hell, Y/N, my ears just bled.”
You looked around frantically, still standing between Remus and the wall. Your eyes averted back to Remus when you saw the real firework art was going on in the Great Hall. The fireworks were forming letters.
Chatters had turned into cheers, screams of excitement and joy echoing in your ears. You felt the colours of the fireworks on the walls, halls, your clothes and Remus’s body.
Remus’s body, which was too close to yours.
“Sorry,” you uttered, gazing into the depth of his brown.
“You alright?” he asked low, not letting you out of his grasp.
“Yeah, yeah,” you nodded. “You?”
“I’m alright.”
“Good.”
“Good,” he drawled, repeating to you.
His hands around your biceps were now burning up your skin. He was supposed to let you go now. Let you go and put a distance between your bodies.
Your heart cried at the thought of space. You begged and hoped and prayed that he wouldn’t loosen his grip.
You started counting seconds. He didn’t let go.
His stare at you darkened, breathing getting heavier by the second.
Your eyes lowered to his lips. They looked both soft and chapped. He parted his lips.
You looked back into his eyes. They were piercing through you, welcoming thoughts in your head that you so desperately shunned. You felt his touch on your skin tighten.
You yearned for his touch not only on your arm but every inch of your body.
You reminded yourself that he was annoyed by you.
You didn’t blink. You didn’t inhale. You didn’t exhale.
You put your hands on his face and crashed your lips onto his.
The butterflies inside you resonated with the fireworks inside the Great Hall. Your heart quivered at the feeling of his lips on yours. Your chest flamed up in lust, your body smiled when you felt Remus’s hands wander to your back.
He kissed you back, welcoming the passion to run free in your veins.
You arched your back just to have him closer. You felt his slips stretch into a smirk, his fingers digging into your skin.
You kissed him harder.
His heavy breaths mingled with yours, hovering over your face. Your whole body shivered under his silky lips, sheltering the heat of your chest under his touch. His hands covered every inch of your body, learning it by heart. The heft of your lust drowned under the intensity of his manoeuvres.
Your heads were up in the clouds, unaware of anything going down around you.
You forgot where you were. You forgot what you were doing. You forgot why you were doing what you were doing. The dark in your eyes leaked shadows in your mind, blackening every thought.
That is until three boys intervened.
You pushed Remus away, putting the distance you so despised between you two. You pushed your lips together in an attempt to hide their red and swollen state. You ignored the cry of your lips, body, heart and soul for Remus’s caress.
“WE DID IT! WE’RE GOING TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH A BALL!”
You grinned at James and let the boys have their celebration. You didn’t cast a glance at Remus. You didn’t see him not taking his eyes off of yours for even a second.
It was Friday. The last Transfiguration class before the well-deserved ball.
You were seated behind your desk, definitely not waiting for Remus.
You two hadn’t talked about the kiss since it happened. Hell, you hadn’t even talked to each other properly.
You might be ignoring him a little bit.
You were leaving the room when he was entering, going to sleep when he was approaching you, and being busy when he was trying to talk to you.
You might be ignoring him not so little bit.
Your leg was bouncing up and down, and you were fighting with your urge to not check the door every ten seconds. You hadn't quite figured out how you were feeling, but you knew it was something intense that your hands were freezing not because of the winter but because of the nervousness.
The same nervousness that made your mouth run dry when you saw Remus enter the classroom. The same nervousness that made you breathe quicker and feel dizzy when you felt Remus sit down next to you. The same nervousness that turned yanked the colours out of your face when you heard him talk.
“Will you run again if I open my mouth?”
“You just did,” you say, trying to sound as casual as you could. You weren’t facing him just the way he wasn’t facing you.
“And you didn’t run.”
“I didn’t.”
“Good,” he nodded. “You’ve been ignoring me.”
“No?”
His head snapped at you, forcing you to turn to him as well.
“Don’t mock me, Y/N,” he warned, irritated.
“I’m not mocking you, Remus. I’m just–”
“What did I do wrong?” he cut you off. “Tell me.”
Your heart skipped a bit at his question, clenching around a pain that you wished to ignore.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I don’t understand,” he frowned. “ You kissed me. So, I’m guessing you wanted it.”
You didn’t reply, too busy reliving the whimsical moment that had been keeping you awake at night, attacking your heart with butterflies.
“You did want it, right?”
“Yes,” you snapped back to the moment. “Yes, I did.”
“Then tell me what I did wrong and maybe I can rectify it,” he said. “Tell me what I did that you’re ignoring me.”
You didn’t know what to tell him.
You couldn’t tell him that you were running from him because you were too embarrassed to look him in the eye and admit that you were attracted to him. You couldn’t tell him that you were still figuring out what you were feeling, too afraid to get your heart broken.
You couldn’t tell him that despite your fears and doubts, you were still yearning for the sound of his laugh and craving the touch of his skin on your skin. You couldn’t tell him that there wasn't a moment in which your mind could offer you any other thought than him.
So you told him the first thing that came to your mind.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. It was me. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
Remus looked appalled, eyebrows furrowing.
“What?”
“It was a mistake.”
“A mistake?”
“Yes.”
He laughed bitterly, shaking his head.
“We both know it wasn’t a mistake. Stop lying to yourself.”
“I-I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to–”
“I’m not asking you to marry me.”
“I know!” you said, losing your temper for a second. “I know, Remus. I’m just not sure about...well, everything.”
You watched him inhale deeply, contemplating something in his mind. You wished to know what was going on in his head but didn’t ask.
“We can, uh,” he started, “We can try to be friends.”
“Friends?”
“Yeah, until we figure out whatever this is.”
You stared into his eyes, they weren’t pleased. Like they were keeping something back. You didn’t know how to ask him that, so you didn’t
“Friends,” you repeated as if testing the word. “I guess it can work.”
Remus nodded and stretched out his hand to you. You stared at his hand for a moment, recalling the way they caressed your skin a few days ago. You ached for that feeling.
“Anytime before I graduate would be nice,” he said.
You muttered a quick ‘sorry’ before shaking his hand.
Geoffrey Fawley had asked you to be his date for the ball.
He was a nice boy from what you had heard from James. He was in the Quidditch team with James and was a good chaser. Of course, you hadn’t mentioned either James or Sirius about your date. You wanted them to be surprised so you could mock them later on.
You hadn’t mentioned Remus about it, either. Why should you? Right?
It was only two days since you had agreed to be friends and in those two days you barely even talked, mainly because you were too busy choosing a dress for the ball.
To your delight, you had found the perfect one.
Checking your attire with one last glance, you turned your heels and walked out of the dorm room straight to the hall.
Geoffrey was waiting for you with a smile; he was an undeniably charming boy, you had to admit. Blonde hair sparkling above the green eyes with a graceful frame, he could steal any girl's heart.
Except that yours was already stolen by a pair of brown eyes.
You pushed Remus's visage deep in your mind, refusing to revive your disappointment when he didn't ask you out to the ball as his date.
You let Geoffrey take your hand and curtly lead you from the door to the ball.
"You look absolutely gorgeous."
"Thank you," you smiled.
As you two occupied yourself with small talk, you didn’t notice James and Sirius making their way to you. You had learned that Geoffrey has two elder sisters, he doesn’t like chocolate and he unsurprisingly loves Quidditch. He was kind, sensible, and a great listener.
He was everything and nothing you ever wanted. He wasn’t Remus.
“Fawley! Y/N is your date?!” James called, smiling from ear to ear as he approached you.
“Yes, Potter. Apparently, she deemed me worthy of standing by her side tonight,” Geoffrey joked back, smiling at you gently.
“Ah, yes, fancy words,” Sirius dropped his arm around your shoulders. “Have you kissed yet? Her lipstick looks intact.”
“Sirius!” you hit him in the torso.
“I’ll take this as a no and head out to Remus,” Sirius said, “He’s been a moody bitch these days.”
“Where’s he?” you asked, forcing your tone to the casual.
James turned back, pointing at someone with his hand.
“There. The one with the sour face and brown hair.”
He had leaned against a wall, looking around with a frown. He was captivating in a black suit, his hair falling into all the right places and creating an art-like view. You enjoyed the view a few moments more, memorising every little detail about his figure. You wished he could be a bit closer to you.
“He doesn’t look like he enjoys himself. Should we invite him?” Geoffrey asked.
“I don’t think that’s necessary. He looks comfortable–”
“Nonsense, Y/N,” Sirius cut in. “Oi! Moony! Come here!”
You squeezed your lips together as Remus reached you. He was without a date.
Would it be malicious if you felt relieved by that?
“You guys have fun. Lily is waiting for me,” James said before leaving you four together.
“He is with Lily?” you asked Sirius, both surprised and happy.
“Geoffrey must have really swept you off your feet,” Remus drawled, staring into your eyes.
You felt uncomfortable. Not because of Remus’s words but because of Geoffrey’s presence. You smiled at Remus awkwardly, knowing you had Geoffrey’s eyes on you.
“You don’t have a date, Remus?”
“No,” he said to you. You felt cold at his tone.
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll find someone here.”
“I don’t want to find someone.”
You felt Geoffrey grab your hand.
“Would you like to dance?”
You smiled and nodded at him, letting him carry you to the dance floor.
He put his hand on your waist as you placed your hand on his shoulder. He intertwined your other hands together and started moving with the rhythm.
You glanced at his eyes only for a moment before dragging them to every corner of the room. They landed on Remus.
His eyes cut through your chest like a dagger, reminding you of every feeling your skin, heart and soul had felt two days ago.
You hated that you felt nothing if it wasn’t Remus touching you. You hated that you felt nothing if it wasn’t Remus smiling at you. You hated that you felt nothing if it wasn’t Remus’s words that were whispered in your ear.
“You seem distracted.”
“Oh,” you locked eyes with Geoffrey again, smiling. “Forgive me.”
“It’s Lupin, isn’t it?”
“Excuse me?”
“You have been acting weird since he stopped by.”
Your smile ebbed as guilt prickled inside of your chest. Geoffrey chuckled at your fortified expression.
“It’s alright, you know. I knew you had no feelings for me when I asked you. I just didn’t think you may have feelings for another.”
You lowered your head to his chest. There was no point in denying it.
“I’m so sorry Geoffrey, truly. I didn’t mean to disrespect you–”
“You haven’t”
“Or offend you.”
“You haven’t either,” he shook his head in a warm smile.
“I shouldn’t have said yes,” you mumbled before looking up at him.
“I’m glad that you did. I wouldn’t be able to move on if I didn’t hear you reject me.”
You admired his genuinity, and his pleasant smile and his gentle manner.
You adored his kindness and good heart. He was the kind of boy that would never annoy you, bicker with you or hurt your feelings.
But he wasn’t the kind of a boy that would make your heart race in excitement, passion and desire.
He wasn’t Remus.
When the dance ended, you couldn’t find Remus.
“Go,” Geoffrey said, “I’ll be alright. It’s obvious that you two need to talk.”
You thanked him before placing a short peck on the cheek. Then, you dashed to Sirius, who was too busy getting drunk.
“Padfoot, where’s Remus?” you yelled, attempting to drown the music.
“Where’s who?”
“Remus! Where’s Remus?!”
“I’m here,” you startled at his voice behind you.
You parted your lips to speak to him but he acted faster.
“Come with me,” he said, holding your hand and dragging you away from the people.
He led you to another room and closed the door after him.
“A bit quiet.”
You nodded, feeling the blood in your veins rush. It had only been a second since you were alone with him and your feelings were already messed up.
An awkward silence filled the room.
“Remus, I don’t want to–”
“You didn’t tell me you–”
You sighed, hoping that he would talk first. And he did.
“You didn’t tell me you had a date.”
Your heart skipped a beat.
“I didn’t know I had to.”
“I thought we were…friends,” his teasing tone daunted your nerves. You forgot what you were searching Remus for.
“We’re not that close friends.”
“You seemed pretty close with Geoffrey.”
Pride clawed at your insides, taking an internal scream from you. It didn’t hurt, you felt powerful.
“Jealous much?” you managed to hide the smirk but you didn’t hide the smug tone. You saw Remus clench his jaw and clear his throat before talking.
“What if I am?”
“Then I’d ask you the reason,” you said. Your smug tone changed into something different, something desirous.
“Don’t tire yourself, love. I’m not jealous.”
“Nice,” you smiled, stepping forward. “Then you wouldn’t mind if I returned to my date.”
Remus filled the void between you and the door with his body, not letting you go through. You peeked at his lips momentarily.
“We’re not done talking.”
You hoped you could cover your jitters with cheekiness because your heart was racing, your mouth was dry and your hands were trembling with anticipation. You didn’t even want to mention the surges of fire and flood inside you exhausting each other.
“Oh, isn’t this new? You finally want to talk to me after years of vexation.”
“That’s what friends do, right?” he shrugged.
The way that ‘friend’ word agitated you was ridiculous.
“I’m all ears,” you told him, still not backing away from him, holding onto the distance that could easily be conquered with one step.
You were finally close enough to him to easily feel him under your touch. You could see the beauty marks, freckles and scars vividly. You wouldn’t even need to get closer to caress them. You only needed to raise your hand and–
“I fancy you.”
Your eyes shot up from his lips to his eyes, widening in bemusement. You chose not to let your ears deceive you, not to let the words plant hope in you, not to let butterflies escape their cage.
“What?”
“You heard me,” he frowned. “I’ve been fancying you since you were a little girl and I was a little boy.”
“You hated me when you were a little boy and I was a little girl.”
You shook your head. He did the same.
“No, I didn’t. Annoying you was the only way to get you to talk to me, so I clung to it for years.”
You felt the heft weighing you down drag you onto the surface, letting you finally breathe. You felt the fireworks inside you, or maybe that was just butterflies. Your heart chirped in its cage, ready for you to set it free.
“I fancy you, too.”
You set your heart free from its cage. You let him fly away, welcoming the warmth that the boy before you had to offer.
Remus straightened and closed the distance between you two.
“You do?”
“Yes,” you whispered. “I do.”
You closed your eyes, giving into the night when you felt Remus’s hand on your cheek. You drew a breath in when you felt his other hand on your waist. You parted your lips when you felt his hot breath on your lips.
Anticipation climbed its way from your stomach all the way to your heart, shaking your breath. One more inch closer and you would die in his lips, one more second later and you would break down under his touch, one more breath in and you would crumble into pieces by his kiss.
“Would you like to see how I ruin a friendship in a second?”
“Yes,” you pleaded.
He closed the one last inch, spent the one last second and inhaled the one last breath.
He kissed your lips.
You died in his lips, broke down under his touch and crumbled into pieces by his kiss.
His lips, so soft and silky, intoxicated your mind. His touch, so gentle yet so firm, ignited your skin. His skin under your hands, so warm and flawless, blazed your fingertips.
You melted under him, ready to die in his arms.
He kissed your lips until they were red and swollen. He kissed you until you were breathless and dizzy. He touched you until he sent shivers down your spine.
When you pulled away, his eyes dark and in trance were still on your lips, his lips placing pecks on all over your face.
You smiled into his lips, letting him embrace you.
“James owes Sirius ten sickles.”
“What?” you laughed, taking in his scent.
“Two years ago they had a bet on us,” he said, and you loved the way ‘us’ echoed between his lips. “Sirius said sooner or later we would get together."
“We just made Sirius ten sickles richer.”
I love that I can write Remus both as a kind, gentle, sweet boy and as a mysterious, complicated but hot boy. It just makes sense in both ways.
Anyways, if you've read this far, thank you so much for your time. And thank you to the person that sent the request.
Please let me know what you think!
and if you loved this fic or my writing, buy me a coffee <33
In which Remus decides that he is too dangerous to be with you, and that breaking up with you is the sensible, albeit painful, thing to do. The Marauders aren't having it, and decide that parent-trapping their friends is the only solution.
warnings: angst, f!reader, remus is an idiot, idk there aren't really any warnings for this, have fun | word count: 4094
First time posting, kinda nervous... my marauders obsession has smacked me in the face full force recently and this was the result. Let me know if anyone is interested in a part two! I have so many ideas.
It started with the little things, as such heartbreaks often do.
Eye contact growing less frequent, kisses brief and soaked in distance, touches fleeting and reserved, so unlike the unabashed longing and devotion that usually clung to his palms.
You couldn’t pinpoint when it started, not really, but you could remember the exact moment you realised Remus was pulling away, could recall with blinding clarity the sickening sensation of your stomach dropping and heart clenching as he rejected the touch he usually craved.
“Are you alright?” You had asked, peering up at him in confusion right in the middle of the corridor, your palm burning from the quickness that he had pulled his hand away from yours. It had been second nature to reach for him, the action of slotting your fingers together as mindless as breathing, and the sudden absence of him sent warning bells blaring in your mind.
“M’fine, dove.” His smile was tight, stretching the scar slashed across the bridge of his nose and down his cheek, and didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was an empty gesture, a fleeting one.
You had nodded and tucked your hand into your pocket, trying not to dwell on the unease slowly unfurling inside you as Professor McGonagall opened the door to her classroom and began ushering you inside.
You had expected him to take his usual place beside you, his long legs bumping against yours as he eased them under the desk, but he didn’t. Sirius had looked confused when Remus took the seat next to him, and James sank down into the chair beside you with an easy smile and light eyes that didn’t quite hide the concern brewing behind them.
Perhaps he’d just had a bad day. The full moon had only been two days prior, and the strain still wore heavily on Remus’s body. You could see it in the bags under his eyes, the slump to his shoulders, the paleness of his skin, the way every inch of him seemed to recoil into himself.
You would let him withdraw, for now, knowing that he would come back to you when he was feeling more himself. He always did.
It had only gotten worse from there.
Making sure there was someone sat between you on the benches in the Great Hall, secluding himself by sitting in the armchair in the common room instead of the sofa the two of you would usually occupy, no longer sitting beside you in any class, refusing to look you in the eye for longer than a second at a time.
“Remus, please just talk to me,” you pleaded as you followed him through the portrait hole, snatching at the sleeve of his jumper to force him to stop.
The common room was mercifully empty other than the other marauders occupying the space around the fire. Peter was reading a herbology textbook while James and Sirius played exploding snap on the rug.
All of them stopped at the sound of your voice, looking up with wide eyes. Peter seemed to sink further behind his book, while James and Sirius winced simultaneously in a way that would have been amusing if your insides didn’t feel like they were tying themselves in anxious knots.
You wondered briefly if Remus had talked to the others about what was going on with him – of course he had, because they were the marauders, tried and tested, their bonds of friendship forged so tight death itself couldn’t drag them away from each other, and you?
You were their friend too, or you were supposed to be, but there had always been that element of separation, as if you were standing behind a wall of glass that refused to break to let you through to them.
“Damnit, Remus, just–” you forced him to a halt, staring up at him with wide eyes.
His jaw was clenched, eyes blank as they fixed themselves on some point just above your head, his shoulders tensed as if every muscle in his body was fighting to move, to flee.
“What the hell is going on with you?”
“I told you, it’s noth–”
“Don’t say nothing,” you interrupted harshly, uncaring of the eyes watching from the fireplace. “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks, you barely even look at me anymore, let alone touch me…” You trailed off at his silence, fingers still clutching the sleeve of his jumper like it were a lifeline. “Did I do something wrong?”
Remus’s eyes slammed shut. “No.”
“Bullshit,” you spat, shaking your head. “If I upset you, if I said something, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, you know I’d never–”
“Just drop it, alright?” Remus took a step back. “You didn’t–”
Your hands came up to cup his face, and the pressure of your palms against his cheeks had a shudder wracking his body. You could feel it, your fingers gentle as they traced the scar on his cheek as you had a thousand times before, the feel of it so familiar it was practically an extension of you. “Remus… would you please just tell me what’s wrong?”
For a moment, a beautiful, brief moment, his hands came up to cradle yours against his face, the long digits trembling as he finally looked down at you. The look in his eyes was like a gut punch, desperate and devastated, as if he were drinking you in. He hadn’t looked at you like that in what seemed like forever.
“Cariad…” he trailed off, and then his hands were dropping, taking yours with them. Usually, he would squeeze your fingers, bring your knuckles to his lips before letting go – now, the air was biting cold as he let your hands go with nothing more than a twitch of his index finger. “Just drop it.”
His eyes dropped then too, his entire body tense like a live wire, and he shot a brief look towards the fireplace where the other marauders sat as still as statues, as if even breathing would disturb the fragile quiet that had settled over the room.
“I’m going upstairs,” Remus said quietly. He was gone, then, without a single glance back, up towards the boys dormitories and out of sight.
You waited for a moment, half expecting him to come back, and trailed miserably over to the fire when he didn’t. Sirius reached up to squeeze your leg, shooting you a sympathetic smile. “Don’t think on it, love. He’s being a twat.”
“I just don’t get it.” You sank down onto the ground, leaning back so that your head rested on Peter’s knees. He reached down to pat the top of your head awkwardly. “I don’t get what I did wrong.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong,” James said strongly, his eyes unusually serious behind his round glasses. “Moony gets like this sometimes, especially after his time of the month. He’ll get past it.”
“Is he acting weird with any of you?” You asked, already knowing the answer.
Sirius scoffed. “Oh yeah, right moody git, being practically foul.”
You looked skeptically up at Peter, who winced and shook his head.
You sighed. “Great. So it’s just me.”
“Moony’s a dramatic bastard,” James shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll come around soon.”
Soon, as it transpired, didn’t come.
Even though he was physically present, at every group outing and every meal, you had never felt more distant from him. You missed him in a way that wrecked you from the inside, tore you to shreds every time you caught a glimpse of his ruffled hair or the quirk of his lips.
You missed the lazy mornings in bed, his head tucked into your neck, arms banded tight around your waist. You missed the lingering touches, the hand to the small of your back as he guided you through doorways and down corridors, the fingers twined with yours every chance he got, his palms ghosting over your arms and jaw.
You missed the way his entire body seemed to wrap around you from behind as he leant down for a hug, missed the faint smell of chocolate and parchment that seemed to cling to his skin, missed the gentle press of his lips against yours.
Hell, you missed him just looking at you, talking to you in that soft voice he seemed to reserve only for you. Anything was better than this.
You shouldn’t have been surprised when, one evening two weeks later, after the other boys had gone up to bed – a ploy to leave the two of you alone, you were sure – he glanced up from his book with a strange detached look in his eyes and told you he wanted to break up.
You shouldn’t have been surprised, and yet your stomach still sank heavily with dread and disbelief. “What?” The word came out little more than a whisper. “Rem–”
“I think we should break up,” he said again, his voice so cold and detached that you didn’t know what to do with it. He didn’t follow up with anything, just suffocating silence that sat heavy in your throat.
“Why?” You asked after a moment, slowly lowering the parchment you were writing your charms essay on. “I don’t understand.”
“There’s nothing to understand,” Remus said quietly, and he wasn’t looking at you, and it was so so easy to let the anger take over the pain.
You climbed to your feet, tucking your hands into the folds of your pyjama pants so he couldn’t see the way they shook. “Except there is. You’ve been ignoring me for weeks, icing me out, practically acting like I don’t exist. Like I’m nothing to you.”
Remus winced, and his fingers tightened against the pages of his book. He still wouldn’t look up at you, his eyes burning a hole in the rug.
“What did I do?” You wanted to reach out to him, run your fingers over his jaw. Sheer willpower and spite kept you rooted to the spot. “Is it something I said? Something I did? Something someone else said?”
“Cariad, please…” His voice was heavy, weighed down by a thousand emotions you couldn’t identify. “Just stop.”
It was the defeat in his voice that did it for you. You wanted to scream, to throw something at him, to shake some sense into him. “Stop? You want me to stop? Remus you can’t just toss people aside like this when you’re bored with them–”
He stood up abruptly, book slamming shut, towering over you. His eyes met yours, sharp, intense, his jaw wired so tight it was a miracle he didn’t break it. “That’s what you think I’m doing?”
“That’s exactly what you’ve done!” You threw your hands up in exasperation. “If you wanted to end it you should have just told me instead of treating me like shit and all but pretending I don’t exist!”
“You have no idea–”
“No, I don’t! Because you haven’t told me!”
Your voice rang louder than expected, echoing in the now silent common room. The sound of it seemed to linger, pressing down in the air. Your cheeks were wet, though you couldn’t remember when you started crying.
“You haven’t told me anything. I thought you were just having a bad day, a bad week, and then you just kept going and every time I tried to talk to you, you would just shove me aside and god, Remus, who does that? After everything how could you just do that?”
He didn’t answer, but his emotions were written out so plainly on his face. His eyes were glassy, his jaw clenched, the furrow between his brows that you loved to smooth out back in place. His hands clenched at his sides, as if it were taking every ounce of willpower not to reach out to you.
“You wanted me gone, fine,” you said after a moment. “I won’t bother you anymore. Goodbye, Remus.”
You were halfway to the stairs when he spoke, his voice quiet and pained. “Dove…”
You ignored him, and carried on walking.
—
“I just don’t get it,” Marlene said for the fifth time since you had sat down by the lake. “I don’t get why he would just end things like that.”
You let out a noncommittal hum, afraid that if you said anything more you'd break down into tears again.
You had made it only as far as your bed that night before you had broken into tears, harsh sobs cracking through the air, each more painful than the last. Lily and Marlene had still been awake, Dorcas and Mary sleeping peacefully in their beds, and your arrival had been met with alarmed questions and looks of panicked concern.
You hadn’t answered a single one of them, content instead to close the drapes and bury yourself beneath the covers until you could no longer breathe from crying.
“Because he’s an ass?” Lily asked, a rare venom in her voice. Usually she only reserved that tone for when she was speaking of a certain group of Slytherins, but it had started to creep into her voice more and more as the days progressed.
You didn’t respond. It stung to hear her talking about him like that, like he was the scum of the earth – no matter how much you felt like dying, how the hurt simply hadn’t gone away, he was still Remus, the boy you had met on the train six years prior, nervous and fiddling with a hole in the sleeve of his oversized jumper.
You had offered him half of the chocolate bar in your pocket, grinning at the bemused look on his face as you promised it had healing properties – it didn’t, of course, it was chocolate, but it made him smile just the same, and the tentative conversation and joy of finding a new friend that followed was well worth the loss of half the sweet treat.
Now, a week and a half after he ended things, it was that easy friendship you missed most.
Remus had gone through great pains to avoid you; leaving the common room when you walked in, sitting on the other side of classrooms, taking his meals in the dormitory instead of the Great Hall. You’d be pissed if you weren’t so damn heartbroken.
Fuck feelings, you thought bitterly, tearing up the grass in your hand, they’re not worth the trouble.
“I mean, you and Remus have been together for, what, a year now?” Marlene continued, clearly not taking the hint that you didn’t want to talk about it. “And you’ve been borderline sickening that whole time. I mean, seriously, he was whipped, I don’t get why he–”
“Marlene, babes?” Mary said patiently, reaching out to clamp a hand over the blonde’s mouth. “Read the room.”
“The field, you mean,” Marleen muttered, her words muffled from behind Mary’s palm. She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out, and Mary recoiled dramatically, wiping her hand on Marleen’s Gryffindor scarf. “And I’m just saying, I don’t understand why he’s being such a prat about this!”
“Beacuse he’s a boy,” Lily supplied helpfully, “and boys are idiots. Obviously.”
Dorcas lifted her gaze from her herbology textbook and tilted her head, studying you with the same intensity she would provide an interesting plant she was studying. “Have you talked to any of your friends since it happened? What do they have to say about it?”
And wasn’t that just the worst part.
Sirius was as friendly as ever, but that friendliness seemed to be stiffer, more awkward, as if he wasn’t sure how to act around you anymore, wasn’t sure if he was allowed to laugh or joke.
James kept shooting you sympathetic looks that did more to anger you than ever, so you had studiously started avoiding him through fear of him giving you one more hug and ‘just give him time’ speech.
Peter seemed to be terrified of upsetting you, and had started every interaction with whatever horrendously boring fact he had stumbled across that week, most of which you were fairly certain were not true – you didn’t exactly excel at Care of Magical Creatures, but you were quite sure that Nifflers couldn’t fly and weren’t, in fact, native to Antarctica.
“I haven’t really spoken to them,” you said quietly.
Dorcas frowned. “About the breakup, or at all?”
That familiar burn was back in your throat, the one that promised tears if you kept down this path. “It doesn’t matter,” you said forcefully, slumping back down onto the grass. It tickled the bare skin of your arms and smelt faintly of dirt and rain. “None of it matters. Remus and I are over, end of discussion.”
“But–”
“Please,” you said softly. “End of discussion.”
A heavy silence settled over you before Lily rolled onto her stomach, tapping her quill against her parchment – slightly damp from the dew of the grass – with a frown. “Has anyone started on that essay for Binns yet? I’ve been working on it for a week now and I’ve only written the sodding introduction.”
Marlene groaned dramatically. “It’s not due for another two weeks, Lils. Take a break from being so perfect, I’m begging you.”
You tuned them out, staring up at the sky, tracing patterns with your eyes in the clouds, trying to ignore the heaviness sitting in your chest.
—
You ran into him purely by accident. Literally ran into him.
You were in the library with the girls, trying to work on the essay that suddenly wasn’t due in two weeks, but three days – how had time passed that quickly? It should have been illegal – and had vanished into the stacks to grab a textbook on 16th century goblin wars.
You hadn’t heard the marauders come in, nor had you heard Remus break away from the group in search of his own book.
You hadn’t heard anything, so engrossed in your title, eyes fixed to the pages, until you slammed straight into him and almost went tumbling back into the shelves. A strong arm banded around your waist to catch you.
“Ouch – sorry!” You said, fumbling to catch your book, not looking up. “Sorry, I wasn’t looking–”
It was his sharp intake of breath that made you look up, and you immediately wished that you hadn’t.
Remus was staring down at you with eyes so wide they reflected the glow of the candles floating gently nearby, so heavy with sadness and something else you couldn’t quite pinpoint. He was staring at you as if you were the first star to appear in the sky, something precious and wonderful yet too distant to touch, too far to do anything but gaze at.
There were bags under his eyes, dark purple smudges that you knew had nothing to do with the moon, and his face seemed thinner than usual. His lips were chapped, and his scars stood out in harsh clarity against his pale skin, and he was beautiful.
So beautiful it hurt.
His fingers spasmed against where they had landed against your waist, as if he knew he ought to let go but couldn’t quite bring himself to. You made the decision for him, taking a harsh step back, ripping yourself out of his arms.
“Thanks,” you said stiffly, moving to walk around him.
But the shelves were narrow, and your front pressed awkwardly as his arm as you did, and despite how quickly you tried to move you couldn’t help but touch him. Every press of you against him felt like something raw inside you was cracking open.
Your grip on the book was white knuckled as you ducked your head, refusing to look up at him for a moment longer.
“Yeah,” he said quietly, his voice cracking around the word. “No – No problem...”
You didn’t look back at him as you walked quickly over to the girls table, but stopped short when you saw James, Sirius, and Peter with them, all of them staring right at you.
You couldn’t do it, suddenly. Couldn’t sit there with them and suffer through their awkward silences or desperate attempts to change the subject, and you most certainly couldn’t sit with Remus when he came back, acting as if nothing were wrong and like you didn’t feel like you were bleeding out inside.
Your throat was tight, and you refused to cry in front of them. Every inch of you felt like a live wire, thrumming with hurt and anxiety and the desperate urge to flee. So you did just that.
You dropped the book on a nearby table, hugging your arms tight around yourself. “Don’t feel well,” you said simply, eyes fixed on the floor. You knew how they’d be looking at you, and you couldn’t face that, not now.
“Love…” You heard Sirius say, and that was the final straw.
You fled the library as if it were on fire, not even bothering to pick up your bag.
—
“An empty classroom?” Lily asked, looking thoroughly unamused as she perched herself on the edge of a wooden desk. “How creative of you.”
“This is a matter of love, Lils.” Sirius shrugged. “Pulling out all the stops.”
“Right.” James clapped his hands together. “We have called you here because–”
“Called us here?” Marlene snorted.
“This is a meeting, ‘Lene, a meeting of the utmost importance, might I add,” James continued. “So yes, we have called you here, and we have done so to discuss the two absolute idiots we despair to call friends.”
Dorcas shook her head. “Ohhhh no, I’m not getting involved in this.” She gestured between James, Peter, and Sirius. “Whatever you three are cooking up is bound to just make things worse, and I’m not taking responsibility for that.”
Sirius looked thoroughly wounded. “We’re trying to help them! Those two are painful to be around, it’s depressing!”
“So you’re doing this for your own gain?” Mary asked.
“And because we love them and care about them and we want them to be happy, obviously, but you’ve gotta admit. Ever since they broke up it’s been like trying to get two brick walls to talk to each other.”
“I would like to make it clear that I’m happy to leave them be.” Peter raised his hand.
“Et tu, Wormtail?”
“I’m just saying, Pads.” Peter shrugged. “They broke up less than a month ago. Things are obviously still very… raw. It wouldn’t hurt to give them time.”
“They’ve had time.” James rolled his eyes. “A month of it. And I, for one, am sick of watching two of my best friends dance around each other. They’re both miserable, and I, like the amazing person and friend that I am, am determined to fix that.”
Sirius cleared his throat.
“And we,” James conceded, “like the amazing people and friends that we are, are determined to fix it.”
“Exactly.” Sirius nodded. A mischievous smile made its home on his face. “I already have a plan. A foolproof, incredible, cannot go wrong, plan.”
The girls looked at each other skeptically. “I admit that seeing her so upset isn’t nice, but I’m not going to set her up with someone who dumped her like she was nothing without a valid reason.”
Peter winced. “That’s not what happened–”
James clamped a hand down on Peter’s shoulder. “Moony had his reasons. They’re stupid, and wrong, but they exist, and they’re awfully personal so you’re gonna have to trust us on that.”
“Trust you?” Dorcas scoffed. “Yeah, sure, okay.”
“Have you ever seen her as happy as she was when she was with him?” Sirius asked. “Because I haven’t. And I’ve never seen him as happy as he was when he was with her either. He’s being an idiot. An adorable, loveable, sad-as-hell idiot, who needs a swift kick up the behind to spur him into action.”
“It’s just like one of those romance books you lot are always reading,” James said excitedly.
“You’re acting like I didn’t catch you reading one in the dorm the other week,” Peter snickered.
James gasped and punched his shoulder. “That was private, Wormtail! I was conducting research–”
“So, you want us as a group to trick our friends into getting back together?” Marlene interrupted.
“Trick?” Sirius asked. “No. Lovingly but forcefully nudge them in the right direction? Absolutely.”
The girls shared a dubious look before Lily sighed. “I would like to see her smile again. And she and Remus were perfect for each other.”
Dorcas hummed in agreement. There was a heavy beat of silence before they turned back to the marauders. “Alright then, boys. What’s your plan?”
warnings: fluff, sprinkle of angst, relationship stuff (i've never been in one lol who am i to talk😭)
sorry for any typos or incorrect grammars, my fingers aren't my best friends ;)
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A. adoxography [favourite little things about each other]
you find it cute how his nose gets red when he's cold. you think it's the most adorable thing. you admired how his hair is messy and droopy in the morning. he will run his hands through his hair to get it out of his face but it will flop down again. his hands are rough but they are gentle too, and you love how he plays with your hands when he's nervous.
your sleepy mumbles in the morning makes him smile. as i said before, he loves your hand/holding your hand/anything really. he also loves your rambles about the things you're passionate about. it warms his heart when you pull his body to yours when you're cold and completely bury your face in his neck. he loves how your face fits so good in it.
B. brumous [how they comfort each other after a rough day]
you would pull him for a comforting hug and pat his hair while trying to make him feel better by saying comforting words. when he has finally calmed down, you'd ask him what it was about that made him upset. you'd do the best you could to make him happy again.
when you're sad, upset, or even just tired, he would make your favourite dish and talk to you about it the whole evening while assuring you that everything will be okay. words about how much your worth is will be lowly whispered by him to you.
C. cosmogyral [what they love most about each other]
you love his hair of course! it is soft and shiny and you love touching it (and he lets you do it every time because he enjoys it too) his arms are also one of the many things you love about him. when he wrapped it around you, you could literally feel yourself melting into him because it was just so comfy. his eyes are also so beautiful, you can't help but stare at them sometimes with a sweet smile which makes him all flustered. the way he smiles at your jokes is untouchable. you love him with reasons and no reason.
he loves your style so much that sometimes he will steal some clothes from you (ones that he fits ofc). he loves your eyes and you two would have an eye staring contest. he loves your hands too, again i think he is big hand holder. he would admire and appreciate every curve of your body because to him, you are perfect with all your imperfections. your discipline also is a good influence to him because as time goes he sorts of absorbs your tidiness and discipline. your smile is the most important thing in the world for him. he always wants to see a genuine smile from you so he knows that he's keeping you happy and comfortable.
D. diaphanous [small gestures you do for each other]
he'd write small notecards for you filled with encouraging words and he will put it on the top of your phone so he is sure you will read it.
you took an interest in baking so when andrew got home from work, the house will smell like a bakery full of pastries you baked for him. he loves your food too <3
E. elysian [a place that held a beautiful memory]
it was the place where you two made it official. as cliché as it sounds, when he walked past that place, memories of you and him being in a romantic haze swarmed to his head in a kaleidoscope of happiness and gratitude.
F. foudroyant [how affectionate are they]
the both of you are incredibly affectionate, at all times. just small gestures here and there. making sure the other is alright in any situation. if one of you is feeling off, the other would immediately find a way to make it alright again. he'd rub your back to make you feel better. you'd squeeze his hands when he's nervous.
G. gasconade [are there fights]
of course the are. every healthy relationships have fights! it's not often but if there is, it will be mostly because of the busy schedules and works. you both always try to understand how important each of your work is. at times you'd cancel a date or he can't be there for a movie night. when you both finally found a time to spend together, you two would be too tired to even do anything. after a whole month without the presence of each other, you two argued in the kitchen. his job is very important and dear to him and so is yours so it was just like solving a crossword with no right answer.
but you two would eventually made up and make things work. he promises to think rationally. you also promise to not make him feel pressured.
H. halcyon [any pet you'd want to have]
months into the relationship andrew gave you a mini pig (a rescue one ofc!). nonetheless, you took care of it with your whole attention because it is so precious and andrew is so thoughtful. even though a pig isn't an ideal pet for a couple to have, who cares anyway? you and andrew still give the little pig all the love and affection it needs.
I. insapory [what you dislike about each other]
there aren't many things you dislike about each other. though you dislike his carelessness. sometimes he does things out of the blue that will not end up so great. he dislikes your clumsiness especially if it'll end up with you getting hurt.
J. juvenescence [how mature is the relationship]
fights make things better for relationships (though those fights happens rarely). i don't think andrew would want to date someone that's too young with a huge age gap so he'll find someone his age so there are more similarities in what you want.
sometimes in the relationship, you and him will be a little childish, but it's all just for fun! all in all, i think the key to a successful relationship is to be mature in facing obstacles. you both wanted this to last forever so maturity is very important.
K. kalon [cuddles, hugs, kisses]
cuddles - he loves cuddling with you! especially when the weather is freezing and barren cold. he'd just drag you from wherever you were and lay down on the couch, he'll place your head in his neck and cover the both of you with the blanket you knitted. he just really loves cuddling with you so he'll do it any time.
hugs - you are a big hugger. you love hugging everyone. which is very pleasing to him because he loves it when you hug him. although your arms aren't as big as his, you'd still be able to wrap your arms around him and make him smile. he too loves hugging you. when he hugs you, it feels like he's protecting you, which makes him want to do it all the time because you are so precious to him that he didn't want any speck of cruelness in the world to touch you.
kisses - when you just started dating he found out that you love forehead kisses. so whenever a chance of planting a kiss on your temple is there, he'd take it. how you smile when andrew kisses your forehead is the purest smile he has ever seen, and he wants to see it often. also, kisses on the lips happens occasionally too! your lips taste so sweet that he just doesn't want to separate his from yours. he would definitely pout when you only give him a brief peck on his lips. sometimes you two would make out for god knows how long until you both fell asleep, face pressed against the other.
L. lethologica [how they confessed their love]
it was just a normal rainy night in his london flat. you two were watching a movie- well you were drawing messily on a paper. when he looks over at you, your eyes were focused on the drawing that you were trying to make shape of and the words came out of his mouth. an 'i love you' is said so softly by him and you looked up to meet his gorgeous eyes. you smile as you kiss his lips whispering an 'i love you' back.
he has been in love with you for so long and he just had to let you be aware of that because he wants you to know that you are loved. having unrequited love scarred his heart but knowing that the feeling is mutual puts his heart back together.
M. meraki [how much efforts are put into dates]
andrew puts a lot of effort. if you're having a dinner date out, he will make sure the restaurant you two were going to have a whole menu of dishes you like. if it was a date in the park or a nature walk, he will bring cold water just in case it's too hot or a coat in case you're getting cold. and the end though, he will give you a very thoughtful gift that melts your heart. your favourite date was when he took you to a place to feed penguins, he brought you across the state to meet penguins in real life! he would do every possible things just for you to be happy and loved.
N. nubivagant [are they supportive]
of course he is! he'd encourage you in everything that you do (that are rational ofc) but he's also not hesitant to tell you when you're not supposed to be doing what you're doing.
you'd be supportive of what he does too. you always think he is good in everything he does so giving a little everything a try will not hurt. just like andrew, you will always support him to a certain extent. if what he's doing is too much, you aren't hesitant to tell him to back off a little.
O. orenda [is the relationship secure]
yes it is. you love each other too much to just take this happiness for granted. he likes it when things are secure and knows where it leads to. he wants this beautiful relationship to last for a lifetime.
P. philocaly [love languages and how they show it]
andrew's love language is definitely physical touch and quality time. so cuddling is a very good option (that's also why he loves cuddling so much). sometimes, you place your palm on his face when he is talking to you and he will press his cheeks further into your palm like a cat. you'd bake with him, do artsy stuff with him, and he'll enjoy every second of it. you would arrange a dinner in the woods behind your backyard and he would pray for those to happen more often (and it does!). you want him to feel loved.
acts of service is a big thing for you so he would absolutely be there for your service! when you can't open a package, he will do it for you. when you crave for some food, the next thing you know is the food is in front of you. he'll place his hand on a table or a cabinet when you crouched down to grab something. although words of affirmation isn't your main love language, he will still whisper sweet nothings to you because he wants you to know the you in his point of view.
Q. quatervois [do they want a marriage or wedding]
yes absolutely. andrew always wanted to have someone by his side who will spend the rest of his life with and meeting you is a miracle to his wishes. he also wants a marriage because it's with you. the proposal wont be big or anything. it'll just be the two of you on a regular thursday night together when he pulled out a ring.
the wedding will be small and intimate too! it'll just be in a small venue filled with only people you are close with. though nothing in your relationship really changes that much because you two were already so deep into each other's life and love, the only thing that changed is that your relationship is legally approved by the government and was signed on a piece of paper.
R. rasavada [is honesty important in the relationship]
honesty is one of the most important aspects in a healthy relationship. you two are always honest to each other no matter what the situation was. even if it was horrible, lying will make things ten times worse. andrew will be so straightforward to the point (not in an aggressive way).
S. solivagant [do they get jealous often]
andrew is a very confident person and he doesn't get jealous easily. but when someone is checking you out way too much, he will pursed his lips and furrow his brows at the person.
you're also confident! there are thousands of people that are probably attracted to him and sometimes you do feel small but it doesn't matter to you because he chooses you every time.
T. thantophobia [fear at the thought of losing each other]
do i need to elaborate? losing someone you dearly love wholeheartedly is a pain that time could never mend. the both of you sometimes feared that the light burnt out when you are months away from being together but after a day spent with each other, the flower is only growing.
he loves you so much that he forgot how loneliness felt like. meeting your other half really makes life brighter and more complete.
U. utopia [how are they in the morning, night]
in the morning, you usually wake up first so you would be met with his heavy arm secured tightly around your waist. you would just smile at andrew's sleeping face and kiss his cheeks before laying down again because it's quite literally impossible for you to get off his grip. then he'll wake up, he runs his fingers through your hair gently while admiring your peaceful state and kiss the top of your head softly, trying not to wake you up. when you two are fully awake now, he will ask you how was your sleep and little sweet questions will follow.
at night before bed, he will sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for you because when you are together, he refuses to go to bed without you. he wants you to be the last thing he sees before he is off into the dream world and wake up with you tangled up with him. he will interlock his fingers with yours and kiss your lips before saying goodnight. also, you guys cuddle while sleeping, he will be the big spoon but sometimes you will be too.
V. vernorexia [how romantic are they]
he tries to be romantic because he loves seeing the crimson cheeks on your pretty face when he does a romantic gesture. he buys you your favourite flowers with a handwritten card for you. he gives you small gifts. he doesn't like going out in public so most romantic dates are whether in your place or in his. he would cook you breakfast and make you cordiform pancakes and strawberries (also breakfast in bed if you feel like it). he'd go to ends of the world cause to him that's what you're worth.
W. wanderlust [how do they spend the holidays]
andrew loves christmas so he will definitely celebrates christmas with you and his family and sometimes yours too! ever since you two introduced your families to the other's, holidays have always been so festive and fun.
when you two got home, you will have a mini celebration with just the two of you being intimate and overly affectionate to each other. you cherish each passing second spent together.
X. xylograph [nicknames that are used]
verbally, he will call you sweetheart, lovie or, your nickname that he made for you. you call him darling, honey, or sometimes love. in texts or messages you two would call each other in random made up names. his contact on your phone is drewdrops and yours in his is raindrops. :)
Y. yonderly [are they emotionally distant]
not at all. he cherishes every little thing of you and you make him feel emotions. he loves small activities with you, every evening spent together is what keeps him going til this day. you love him so much to not care about his being, mentally and physically, you took care of him when he can't take care of himself.
Z. zemblanity [what makes them angry]
andrew is a really patient man, things don't anger him very easily but if there is a situation where his anger builds up, it's probably because something or someone puts you in danger. he never wants to see you hurt.
i want a soft connection. i want to be asked how my day went and if i need anything. i want forehead kisses. i want the back of my hand kissed at red lights. i want to be asked how i’m mentally feeling. i want to hold hands everywhere we go. i want romantic gestures. i want my hair played in at the most unexpected moments. i want silent eye connections that lead to smiles. i want to take random walks.
on another note, olivia rodrigo’s new album is AMAZING??? like wow. i had high expectations but i did not expect it to be THAT good. i can’t stop listening to favorite crime
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