Another Blog Story

Be Strong and Courageous.

[pascalcampion]

out with it.

#pascalcampion

[osduvar]

So this is it...you’re just an acquaintance

I found you again. It felt so easy at the beginning, we took off from where we were last and it felt natural. The truth is, we never talked about what happened, but why? I knew you left him, but I also knew you didn’t want me instead. It was painful you know? Watching you on the phone with someone else...you really thought I didn’t know? I’ve always known, still i let you in. I gave you a place in my life (and heart) again, an important one, one you didn’t deserve. So...if there is one more thing to say to you that I’ve kept for myselft after all, is that now I can see how selfish you are when you know someone is giving you more than what you ask. You were selfish when you called me on the phone to ask me to help you get back with him when I was on my way to visit my sick father. You were selfish when you stopped being my friend so you could repair that broken relationship, knowing I needed a friend. You were selfish when you came back for me and decided not to talk about what happened because you knew it could break our friendship. You were selfish the night you finally wanted to talk about everything but this time you found someone else and just wanted to feel better about yourself and disregarded my feelings. And you were selfish one last time yesterday when you texted me to make you one last favor in the middle of what was the most horrible morning I’ve had since I came back from visiting my father. Yes, one last time because this is it. I am taking a step back, and I am letting you go. So you’re living your best life now you say? Good. It was nice to meet you. For me now, you’re just an acquaintance.

[pascalcampion]

Special.

#pascalcampion

[osduvar]

This 🙌🏽

[osduvar]

You came along when I least expected...

It felt easy you know? When you came I knew we would be friends. You have that kind of personality I easily feel attached to, and I know I have it too. So when you told me you had someone else, I genuinely felt happy for you. You seemed happy. Where you? Because then you told me you were not, and then you started to act differently towards me, and I started to care about you more. I enjoyed my time with you, and I know you did too. That time we went for dinner and walked on the beach while you were taking pictures, it felt like a date to me. Best I’ve ever had. It felt good to be together. It felt easy, but you heart belongs somewhere else, I knew that too. So I won’t complain, I will admit I made a mistake, we made a mistake. I was/am in the most vulnerable place I ever been, and I found in you comfort. You knew that too. So now, thousands of miles away, I still think about you, and I still look at our pictures, and I keep wondering what will I do when I see you again. I wish you never had told me you were planning on leaving your relationship , because then again...this feelings I have, would’ve never started.

I will get through this. I will get through my father’s sickness even if it breaks the last piece of me. I will get through getting over this feelings I have for you (I still can’t name them). It’s just I will never be whole again, and I wonder if it will ever feel as easy as it felt with you...

[osduvar]

Between the click of the light and the start of the dream...Go!

[osduvar]

Speaks for itself.

[osduvar]

I have absolutely no desire to fit in...

True. A pocos meses de terminar mi internado rotatorio, me encuentro con esta frase, cortesía de una de mis personas favoritas. Muchas cosas este año no son lo que esperaba, en un buen y mal sentido a la vez. He hecho cosas que nunca me imaginé que sería capaz de hacer, dándome la confianza de que habrán más todavía y que SIEMPRE querré tener esos desafíos frente, probándome a mi mismo, obligándome a cruzar el risco con un salto de fe. Funny, que todo esto se siente muy adentro. Entonces, acercándome casi al fin de este ciclo, me doy cuenta que I have absolutely no desire to fit in. La mediocridad es seductora y sutil, y casi caigo en su trampa. Pero yo, yo soy de los que siempre ha pensando en grande. Me enseñaron a ser soñador y tener fe. Que las grandes cosas suceden a los que creen, en que no hay imposibles. Y como dice Pi, "Yes, so long as God is with me, I will not die. Amen." Entonces mi oración es esta: Dios dame fuerzas. Yo confío. Have fun, be cool...wherever you are, quien sea que esté leyendo esto.

[osduvar]

Some things never change.

[osduvar]

Beginnings...

Es difícil. Arrancar. Comenzar. It takes me a while. I get inspired but it doesn’t last that long. So, what to do different now? How to make things change? How do I become better? The BEST I can be. I am an intern now, in a new hospital, in a new city. I have a different life now. A life I chose. So what now? Pray. Pray and work. Don’t let them kick you down. Learn, learn and study. Even when I’m tired. Be strong and courageous.

[osduvar]

'Cause I still believe in a world of calling; I still hear the beat in my heart calling back.

[osduvar]

Be Strong

...and Courageous. Determinado a encontrar disciplina y dedicación a pesar de enfrentarme con una circunstancia en donde es difícil ver respeto.

[osduvar]

I believe. I want.

It's been a hell of a year. Different. Some people believe in reinventing, I believe in a new blog.

[osduvar]

[osduvar]

No soy escritor....

No soy escritor, no soy un blogger. No soy fotógrafo, no soy un cineasta. No soy un chef, no soy un erudito. Pero me gusta escribir cartas y cuentos, correos y pensamientos. Me gusta tomar fotos, plasmar ese momento, guardarlo conmigo, y si puedo...hacerlo un video de 7segundos lo más creativo posible. Me encanta la comida, me encanta prepararla y comerla. Y disfruto mucho leer... No soy escritor, y hoy escribo.

[osduvar]

"Packing my bags, and giving the academy a rain check."

[osduvar]

Disconnected

Bien, hoy es un día diferente. Realmente me siento desconectado en la mayoría de las esferas de mi vida. Mis amigos, well...nunca me había sentido tan poco en sintonía como hoy. En una parte de mi, no sentí calor humano, si no mas bien minutos fríos y sin sentido o propósito. Igual, una parte importante en mi carrera está llegando a su fin. He sido instructor de laboratorios por 4 años, y si bien esa etapa termina, me siento excluido. Quiero pensar que sembré en mis alumnos una pequeña semilla de conocimiento, por que me esforcé por hacerlo, pero no puedo ver huellas o marcas en el camino. Es difícil de explicar como me siento, pero tal vez una palabra adecuada es 'vacío', y puede que sea pasajero, pero hoy, lastima. Ha llegado la hora del cambio. Encontrar la sintonía. Ya no hay nada en común y nada de mi en ese lugar (llámalo amistades o laboratorio). Quiero ver hacia enfrente, de la mano de mi familia que siempre es constante, y llegar a la cima. Dios, dame sabiduría.

[osduvar]