Pairing: Calum Hood x GN!Reader
Summary: I don’t really know how to put this in words
Warnings: cuss words, self-harm, blood, major heartbreak & angst.
the ringing in my ears wouldn’t stop as I lay face first into my pillow, my mascara had already smudged as I cried harder than I ever have before. He left; Calum left again. The stress of his touring had caused both of us to become stressed and things began getting too much and too out of hand.
The words we both had said were unforgivable but what hurts the most is that no matter what he says to me I still love him and will always welcome him into my arms like nothing happened. You’d class our relationship as toxic and nothing the romanticised version of it; the toxicity was mentally and physically draining.
I sat up trying to get my breathing back to normal, his words replaying over and over again and that’s when I remembered the cut on my cheek from the broken glass he had thrown at the wall barely missing me. Maybe everyone would be happier and better off if I was dead; that’s what he told me, he also said everyone would be better if they didn’t have to deal with my “bullshit.”
The hateful glare in his eyes and tone of voice told me he really meant what he said and it wasn’t just words of pure anger. Maybe it would be easier and better if I wasn’t here; maybe he’s right. Everyone would be happier if I’m not here. Opening the little box that was hiding at the back of our shared wardrobe the tiny razor lay untouched in my hand.
One cut- “no one loves you”
Two cut- “it’ll be better if you’re not here”
Three cut- “just kill yourself Y/N, nobody would care”
I watched the blood drip onto the floor as I slide the metal across my right wrist, my brain and hands wouldn’t let me stop until I felt lightheaded, hoping this was it, everyone was going to get what they wanted.
Silence filled the room as my crying died down until the door opened, Calum’s eyes widened as he looked down and my horrendous state, the muttering of “no’s” that left his lips as he grabbed a towel from the bathroom to wrap around my wrist to slow the blood.
“Hey, baby listen to me” he spoke softly tapping my cheek to keep me conscious, I tried pushing him off as I kept falling in and out of consciousness. “I’m so sorry-“ that was all I heard before blacking out.
When I woke up again I was laying in a hospital bed, Calum by my side holding my hand. I slowly moved in the bed causing him to wake up; jumping up out of the chair he pulled me into his arms.
“How could you do this-“ I cried into his shoulder. “Why do I keep letting you hurt me like this! I shouldn’t have to deal with this but I love you”
“You shouldn’t” be mumbled kissing the top of my head. “You shouldn’t put up with this, words can’t begin to explain how sorry I am”
“you should’ve just let me die” I sobbed wiping my eyes. “You don’t love me” hurt was evident in his eyes but he avoided all eye contact.
“I-I’m gonna go, I’ll get one of the boys to give you a lift..I really fucking tired to be a good boyfriend I’m really trying but it’s best if I just go” he spoke softly. I nodded as he began walking away. Maybe this time he won’t come back, this time I don’t want him to.
dededos
prguitarman
2087
vaporwave
titsay