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@ourbetterdevils
“The candle requires still a great degree of noble blood to be spilled. We knew that if Thjazi was to die, the Lady Aranessa would come running to save him. We needed it to not be a death in private, but one with a trial and hanging, such that she would have time to make her way to Dol-Makjar. We fed the information to the Royce that we were looking for Occtis, thinking they might find him where we could not, and they took him to their home. Davinos was an improvisation, but wherever the Lady Royce and Occtis first met, I would've been waiting in the shadows, or enough of Aranessa's retainers to speed the Deva's journey to the underworld.”-Primus Tachonis
Campaign 4 Episode 29: Opening Night
Tansul: You can create a celestial of my vengeance by sacrificing the heart of one of my priests and replacing it with one carved from the bones of a celestial
Primus Tachonis: Instructions unclear my niece is dead and my son is a zombie and everywhere
CRITICAL ROLE 4.17 The Place of Wings
The nature of wizard hubris is well on the record, but I would like to extend a special thanks to Primus Tachonis, who, through his recent actions, has greatly enhanced our understanding of sorcerer hubris.
While on the face of it these two hubri as they are both characterized by high-level practitioners of arcane magic assuming that they can simply do whatever they want because consequences don't apply to them, with this leading the practitioners to attempt acts of incredible magic that have a tendency to backfire spectacularly, there are some key and notable differences. Wizard hubris has a a key characteristic that the wizard so possessed of it simply knows better than everyone else, has unlocked mysteries of the universe everyone else is too stupid to learn, and can avoid all terrible consequences of their actions by out-thinking the laws of reality. This has led to many a documented case of a wizard attempting to invent forms of magic that break reality under the assumption that they and they alone can do it right. Sorcerer hubris, on the other hand, takes the assumption that since the practitioner came by their magic effortlessly, everything should be equally as effortless. They can obviously perform acts of incredible magic on a truncated timeline and with altered magical formulae, because the laws of magic bend to their whims and not the other way around. The key assumption of sorcerer hubris is that the very fact that they have been gifted with inherit magic means the rules of its casting don't apply to them.
To bring this back to the case study of one Lord Primus Tachonis, he attempted to alter an ancient ritual designed by a god meant to create a particularly powerful celestial of vengeance in case of the god's death to create a celestial he and his family could control. Not only did he disregard key aspects of the ritual site meant to direct the celestial once created, the alterations he made to the ritual formula meant that his altered version required even more specific materials than the unaltered version, something only discovered after a failed attempt to create this celestial from the remains of his own niece. And once he learned about the new specific requirements of the ritual, he rushed ahead with a second attempt not even at the designated ritual site, with an unwilling and uninformed subject (who was also his own son), and subsequently failed to create a celestial a second time, despite being so confident that it would work that he simultaneously engaged in the wholesale slaughter of the household of a political ally. Two members of his own House dead, and not a celestial to show for it, all because he assumed that he could make an incredibly complicated ritual do what he wanted it to with simply a few minor alterations and his own assumed superior grasp of magic.
The truly impressive thing about House Tachonis is somehow they're always more fucked up than you think. I'll be like, oh, abusive father, creepy necromancers, sadism, vivisection, I gotchya, I know the tropes. And then its like, oh no, daddy only hates *some* of his kids cause he's not a monster. The creepy twins aren't just cruel and codependent, they're explicitly turned on by sibling-on-sibling violence and plain old Alabama-style sibling-on-sibling. They don't simply construct undead hulk abominations from their enemies, they also leave said abominations lying around their house for people to accidentally stumble upon. Not only will they kill misbehaving family members, they have a hole in the family crypt specifically dedicated to storing the resultant corpse bits. The underworld is attached to the basement of their *checks notes* summer home, with doors in the crypts and ALSO THE FUCKING KITCHEN?!? WHAT IN CASE THEY NEED A QUICK BITE WHILE SUMMONING THEIR UNDEAD HORDES? EXCEPT WE LEARN THEY SUMMON THEIR HORDES IN A RANDOM FUCKING ROOM TWO DOORS DOWN FROM THE GUEST BATHROOM APPARENTLY. SO WHY ARE YOU DOING IT LIKE THIS PRIMUS? WHY?!
They're also broke as fuck.
Primus Tachonis is flipping his shit. I think his shit has been flipping since Otto Einfasen plopped that Candle of Slaughter on the table and smashed his imposing mystique at the knees in a single berating speech. Yes, he papered it over with his ‘us versus them’ line. Yes, he gave up the requisite cash and land to get the other houses off his back for the moment. Yes, he sighed and groused and had his water cooler chat with Yanessa. Keeping cool, keeping cool.
Then, either due to getting the alert from Obrimus Manor about the attack or perhaps just while letting his peer-facing mask finally fall away in the carriage, the reality breaks through.
Primus is frantic. Panicked and raging and suddenly wild with frustration. The attack on Obrimus Manor was already enough to kick him over the edge into immediate unwise action via murdering Hannan on the spot, plus attacking his own sister in a fit, and screaming about how:
“It doesn’t! Matter! We will either rule this world before the year is out or we will all be dead! Do you understand? The druids can choke in blood! We will either defeat them or we won’t be around long enough to see their reprisal!”
Said as if death due to a certain deadline was somehow a thing to fear. He is so terrified, so harried, that he orders the entire manor be gutted and hustled out of Dol-Makjar THAT NIGHT, not daring to risk lingering in the city another minute as this pressure looms.
Which is a new angle to the whole mess.
House Tachonis is the House of the Dead. We saw point blank in the massacre of Palazzo Davinos how droll Primus was with Julien’s attack, tutting about how sending him to oblivion was merely going home. Tertia Tachonis’ spirit had no fear in being snatched away in the Tenebral Reaches. Death should not be a big deal to these people. They are working with Grandpa Nullus on a scheme that will somehow give them more power and control in death itself. So what exactly does House Tachonis have to fear from failure and death at the end of this approaching deadline?
It can’t be Nullus Tachonis himself. Whatever he might do to punish the family in death, he can already do. Meaning he is racing against the same deadline as they push the family project. So what’s so different about the death that House Tachonis fears coming for them? Whatever it is, I suspect that fear is what’s prompting this whole Deva Vindicta and Sepulchral Lord business in the first place. Without that external cattle prod of panic, wherever it’s coming from, House Tachonis would and should be the most placid of the Sundered Houses. What do they even have to do to gain more power? Just wait and twiddle their thumbs as people keep on dying. And if they were truly concerned about losing those empowering souls, their entire focus would be on sabotaging the druids ‘ Old Path and the routes of Faerie and waiting to stick the knife in Halovar’s back per the Creed’s poaching. But none of that is the focus. That’s all a side project at best. Because there is a clock tick-tick-ticking on something weightier which promises a grand family-encompassing ending that actually strikes terror into a house of necromancers.
And as much as I love to see that fear utterly undoing Primus’ façade—it makes me really, really hope that this is just a family affair. A threat only to the Tachonises. If not?
Then there’s an even bigger threat to everyone looming above their plans that we haven’t even seen yet.
After they get married Ilya is disgustingly proud that everyone and their mother has a crush on his big strong hot brilliant hockey husband but only Ilya gets to take him home. He shows off his wedding ring any chance he gets and is sooooooo annoying about it like Oh yes my HUSBAND who LOVES ME VERY MUCH who I am MARRIED TO is the BEST PLAYER in the WORLD u bitches WISH u were me. Etc.
And then internally whenever someone actually flirts with Shane even in a jokey way he immediately turns into this wretched creature:
HOOKJAW HERMIT - paguroidea nerka
Defining the borders of the great Shale Flats and hidden Chiton, the Brittleclaw Mountains rise high into the sky. Among pale blue peaks, springs of clear water bubble from deep within the rocks and feed into a winding river system that leads all the way to the western sea. These glistening waters hold life of all varieties, and tucked between the roots of rock-fruit trees and flowing mountain kelp, one species in particular alters the lives of all who live among the Brittleclaws. The full cycle takes about twenty years. Hatching in the shallow mountain pools, high above the clouds, the Hookjaw Hermit starts life about the size of an apple. The soft shelled hatchlings are vulnerable, and easy pickings for predators. From river eels to even other hookjaw young, the young crabfish have plenty to hide from. Littering the pools, rock-fruits that have fallen from trees above make excellent shells for the hermits. The soft flesh within the fruit has rotted away, leaving a hollow sphere of stone, split open and ready to be inhabited. Most scholars assume these trees are why ancient hookjaws chose these mountain pools to spawn over any other location - over the course of the twenty year cycle, plenty of fruit will fall to the water below, their rinds the perfect starter shell for a young crabfish. Then, a great journey begins. Out of the pools, into the rivers, down the mountains, and out to the coast. The hookjaws let the water carry them in this time, ready for a rich life at sea. And there they stay for decades, eating, and growing. One hermit can go through over one hundred shells in its lifetime, each shell originating from a huge variety of different species living amongst the seas of The Continent. After twenty long years, the mating season begins, and the usually peaceful life on the coast erupts into mayhem. Lumbering from the waters, the hookjaws begin a pilgrimage, up the mountains to the very pool they spawned in. This time however, they won’t be swimming. Great armoured legs carry the beasts up the mountains, through villages, trampling crops, farmers and anything else caught under the rising red tide of carapace and scales. In this time, the females become high value targets for poachers. Swell with eggs, each the size of an apple and sweet as honey, many are hunted during the run. But for each female hunted for the prized roe, countless hunters are lost to the snapping claws of protective and hormone frenzied males. Those that survive the run find their way to the pool that they hatched in, so many years ago. After mating, the hookjaw hermit's life comes to an end. The hulking giants come to a peaceful end, surrounded by familiar waters. Their bodies rot away, feeding the roots of the rock-fruit tree, leaving behind their shells nestled amongst the regalia of their ancestors. Next spring, the young will hatch, and a new generation will follow the river, out to the sea. A problem for twenty years from now, I would imagine…
(still rendition)
Other creatures of The Continent:
SPECULAR SAILFIN (MAKAIRA TINCTUS)
SLATE NAUTILUS (RASA TESTA)
HALLOWBAT (VESPERTI SPECULUM)
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Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again
“Incurious” is an incredible thing to call someone. It conveys so much with so little. To be so uninterested with learning or developing an understanding that it’s damning. To fail to feel what a toddler does by instinct.
I sometimes go back to the Dan Olson video about Doug Walker and there’s a bit where he says “Doug wants to be a filmmaker, he wants to make art, but he can't, because he's a fundamentally incurious person who isn't much interested in what other people think or feel and all his ideas boil down to ‘what if Batman met Mario?’” and I know that if this was said about most artists I have met they would wither up on the spot like a dying spider
Emily Axford always plays the kind of characters that sound like OCs weird little girls draw and write stories about (compliment). Like.
A rebellious punk rock teenager with horns and a skateboard and a sick bass! She’s in charge of hell and has a phoenix girlfriend! And she’s got 3 whole dads!
A kick ass lady in leopard print who punches creepy guys in the streets, all while accompanied by a magical cat! (Her husband’s an angel who’s also good at punching and loves her a bunch btw)
A haunted middle aged woman. who owns a toy shop and pilots airships! She did a lot of adventuring but an evil robot bird murdered her crew and now she’s out to kill it! FOR REVENGE!
Little Red Riding Hood but she’s a werewolf! She rips bad guys apart with her teeth and claws when she’s mad! Oh and likes to play Gin Rummy with gramma
A pretty robot space outlaw with roller skates and she blows up stuff with her grenade arm cannon! She’s best friends with another robot who lives in trash!
And a superhero who was bit by a ghost bat and now she’s like a human bat who uses echolocation and flies just like a bat and she’s armed with a sick parasol and also TWO KATANAS!
Emily axford the woman that you are
All of her characters speak to my weird girl soul
I'm kind of obsessed with Hal being a D-list celebrity in Dol Makjar like that man cannot go anywhere without being clocked. Strangers at the club ask him to sing karaoke for them. The literal king of a foreign country knows who he is. Even the fucking mobsters he's fighting in the sewers are like "wait a minute, is that-"
i guess i like these guys a lot 💆♀️
shane “mom please stop booking me jewelry sponsorships i hate the way it feels against my skin” hollander
vs.
shane “what do you mean it’s not safe to wear my wedding ring while playing hockey? you expect me to take it off? well am i at least allowed to put it on a chain around my neck? that has to be allowed, you wear your cross all the time, and i really think people should understand that i will never ever give you, my husband, ilya rozanov, one single reason to question if i want the entire world to know how much i fucking love you. also if i wear it on a necklace im becoming one of those players who always does media shirtless, so everyone has to stare at proof that i bagged ilya fucking rozanov” hollander-rozanov
today's warm up: some believe they are her true eyes in the statue, some, a donation from an ancient believer. The eyes move all the same.