Our transience.

"Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways." - Sigmund Freud This is where I write down my moments of weakness.

[ourtransience]

15/05/2013

As I was about to finish reading the first chapter of "When Nietzsche Wept" when suddenly I felt loneliness surrounding my body, as if I needed someone to hold me right away. So I wrapped my arms around myself and tried calming down. I instantly put away the book, got out of bed and went to search for my teddy bear. I am eighteen years old and this is the first time I ever layed down in bed hugging a toy. It felt a little easier. I just closed my eyes and fell asleep eventually. I hate this feeling of loneliness. I can't take it anymore. 

[ourtransience]

14/05/2013

I think I'll become completely broken if it happens that I fall in love once again and it doesn't turn out well. I'm expecting this. 

[ourtransience]

14/05/2013

He's really smart, and funny, looks really great, behaves properly, we have similar interests, and I think he's the best one out of all the guys I've met so far. I haven't met many, but yeah. I don't know why I'm feeling these emotions I do. I'm aware he's out of my league. Every guy who looks good is out of my league. And now my insecurities are starting to come back. I feel like shit all the fucking time. And even if he did like me, he's too far away at the moment, and what bugs me really is that, I could try something later because I'll be moving there in four months but, I'm feeling like this right now, and my feelings are hurrying up with forming themselves and I don't need this. I don't fucking need this right now. I was daydreaming for days, and it was fucking killing me. I'm spacing out too much. He also likes someone. And I bet she's great. Fuck this.

[ourtransience]

14/05/2013

I've barely spoken to anyone all morning and when I came home and started raising my voice when I was having a discussion with my mom I started feeling some kind of pain in my chest. I don't feel like talking to anyone. The thoughts in my head are so loud. And at times when I don't even think, I'm just sad.

[ourtransience]

12/05/2013

I haven't realized I have been needing to meet someone really great for me to tear these walls down. And tear them down by myself. He just needs to show he cares and I'll do it. If he doesn't care, well, guess I'll be recovering those walls in wait for someone else to come along. 

[ourtransience]

11/05/2013

I looked at him and thought "Wow. I could really fall in love with someone like that".

[luxuryvictims]

[ourtransience]

01/04/2013

Today is the day when I find out what he wants to say to me.

05/04/2013 He left. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. To be honest, I don't miss talking to him at all. Guess it's true what they say, you know how much you care once they're gone. And all I feel is easiness.

[ourtransience]

31/03/2013

You may think you know someone but it is a fact that we do not even know ourselves.

[m-aleficent-deactivated20120428]

[ourtransience]

31/03/2013

But then sometimes I feel like all of those emotions are kinda shut, and then I think to myself, what the fuck am I doing? Why did I open up about this and that, when I don’t feel like that all the time, and when I’m fighting it?

[thefactoryoffashion]

[ourtransience]

31/03/2013

It is really hard for me to let new people in, into my life. And somehow the more I think about it, I think it is better for me to not complicate things and let things go as they like, and not bother myself that much. I cannot expect after all these years of being locked up for everything to change out of the blue, so let it all go as it should and we'll see what happens.

[ourtransience]

30/03/2013

I think he really cares and it bothers me that I can't feel the same way. But I am more bothered by the fact that he cares so much. He needs a friend and I can't even give that, because I am too fucked up for even that.

[ourtransience]

31/03/2013

I have a problem with people saying they care when I don't care as much. I feel like I am obligated to stay.

[ourtransience]

30/03/2013

I feel weird writing about it. Many times it occured that I just stood there in silence just looking because I couldn't believe my eyes. You know that feeling of not actually being aware that you're there and that it's happening?

[atelierdelarmee]