The Gormless Cretin @androgynouscoffeestrawberry - Tumblr Blog

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yuriosakawa

Peter after Flash tackles him: Ow! That’s it! You’ll be hearing from my lawyer! I got the best one there is!

Flash, snorts: Yeah right, Penis Parker.

*Later*

Matt: Mr. Thompson. I understand there’s been an… incident. I’m Mr. Parker’s attorney.

Flash: …Like, a real attorney?

Matt, narrows his eyes: Very real.

Flash: …Fack.

Peter: See? I told you. He’s really good.

hurtspideyparker

Do you like spideydevil? I see you like both spideypool and spideytorch. Is Daredevil on your radar? Do you have any headcanons for them (platonic if you’re not interested in them romantically)?

yah I think they should kiss 😌

I haven't read any Daredevil comics but the tv show is probably the best marvel show EVER soooo I loveeee Matt <3 and I think Spider-Man should be loved by everyone and also whore himself out for my amusement (it's so funny reading his comics cuz everyone is his ex bro 😭. Including all the men idc. ik he got freaky with Harry Osborn in college)

— Never shuts up / sensitive ears please shut up (Matt adores Peter but has to tell him to lower his voice often cuz babe you're an inch away from my ear and you sound like you're projecting to the entire block)

— Matt is low-key terrified of his boyfriend cuz he's an absolute killing machine, and while he knows Peter also doesn't kill Matt's been too close to the brink to ever really trust other people with the same decision. Checks in a lot with Peter when things get bad and invites himself on missions, but as deadly as Pete is he's also the most resilient and strong-willed person Matt has ever met. He slowly learns to trust Peter (long after he learns to love him)

— Peter is determined to sneak up on his boyfriend and tries everything he can think of but for some reason Matt always hears him. Crawls on the ceiling to avoid creaky floorboards, strips naked to avoid the rustle of fabric, holds his breath, even stops BLINKING in case Matt can hear it. Is always met with "hey sweetheart" and flips out every time. Breaks down and asks how the hell Matt's doing that. "I can hear your heartbeat. And don't even think about temporarily stopping it just to prank me" Peter was not going to do that! (Peter was considering doing that)

— Matt can definitely get pretty jealous at times, especially since Peter is close friends with a lot of his exes still. Peter just finds it amusing, and Matt doesn't understand why Peter doesn't get jealous. "Because everyone you say is flirting with you just sound like nice people helping out a blind man. They're probably not even cute, I mean how would you know?" Anyways Matt gets Spidey to stalk him on the rooftops for a day to witness just how often incredible hot women and men flirt with him. A barista, a stranger at the street crossing, a client, an ex-girlfriend... "HOW? WHAT! THEY'RE ALL SO HOT. WHY ARE THEY ALL SO HOT, SHOULDN'T THEY GIVE UGLY PEOPLE A CHANCE WITH THE BLIND GUY?" for once Matt gets to be the amused one

— Matt absolutely hates swinging around with Peter because he can't feel the environment and the wind is too loud it drowns out the city, he feels so disoriented. It also doesn't help his focus to be pressed up against his boyfriend's muscular flexing body...ahem

— They clean up each other's wounds. Even if they're across town from each other Peter knows to swing by Matt's after a fight and Matt will call Peter when he needs him because it helps their anxiety. Peter won't admit when it hurts but Matt always hears the stutter of breath and flex of muscles and will lay a kiss on his bare skin when stitching him up to comfort him

— Very bad at talking things through with each other. Peter will at least talk to MJ or another friend but Matt just starts getting irritated and closed off. It's the cause of most of their fights because Peter refuses to be the target of Matt's displacement and matches his pissy energy

— Peter and Foggy love each other because they're great at annoying the heck out of Matt together. "I like this one Matty, he doesn't glare at me for teasing you and actually has a sense of humour" "well someone had to be the funny one in the relationship" "yo!" *Peter and Foggy high five* *Matt facepalming*

— Team Red team ups usually go like this: Deadpool staring at Peter's ass. Matt elbowing Wade in the stomach and or poking his eyes aggressively. Peter swinging ahead of them oblivious to Wade's pain and Matt's annoyance. "That went pretty smoothly, I'm glad Deadpool was there!" "Mhm -_-"

— Matt constantly says "let me see" when Peter talks about his appearance as an excuse to grope him (consensually). "I'm so tired I can barely open my eyes" *Matt feeling his face and kissing his eyelids* "is this shirt too tight for a job interview?" *Matt grabbing his muscles and chest and abs* "well is it?" "give me another minute" *more groping* "I think you need to take this off so I can get a better feel of your muscles. Y'know, for comparison" "dude I have a job interview in 30" "Peter don't call me dude when I'm seducing you we've talked about this." also "my bed head is so bad today" "grabs Peter's butt" "okay you aren't even pretending anymore—"

— Peter says he doesn't like pet names but Matt can sense his body temperature going up whenever he uses them and he thinks it's cute. Keeps things professional in public/during missions, but sometimes Matt will whisper things into Peter's ears in dark corners to get him flustered

—When Peter first had Matt over to his apartment he was too broke to pay the electric bill so everything was in the dark. Matt was actually too preoccupied to realize the lack of electric buzz and Peter got away with having no electricity for a month until Matt shot up in the middle of the night because something had been bothering him and he couldn't figure out what it was (it was the LACK of something not the presence) and then he wakes Peter up and asks him why the hell he doesn't have electricity (Peter's just been using his spider sense to move through the dark and eating take out) (Matt is very pissed off but Peter gets to stay at Matt's place until it's resolved so he's content)

cabezadeperro

queerbaiting is bad except when i like it. then it's fine.

(deadpool v gambit 2016 #1)

winterspiderpurrs

Steve is happy that Bucky has friends that aren't just Sam, Natasha and Clint.

And he was happy when Bucky said they were invited to a fundraiser that his friend's fuckboy was apart of. Its a good cause so why not.

Sam had to explain what fuckboy meant and that made Steve a little nervous.

He was not expecting Peter Parker who gave Bucky a hug; and Bucky actually returned it. Who shook his hand for almost a solid minute. All smiles, jokes and overall kind.

Talking about how his boyfriend does a lot of pro-bono work for the city but bills still gotta be paid. So they started a yearly fundraiser to help substantially of being able to do more work for the little guy.

Steve was so happy Bucky met such a caring guy to hang out with.

He wasn't expecting that lawyer Matthew Murdock to be said fuckboy that Bucky was referencing.

Steve angrily whispering to Bucky.

" He is blind! He does pro-bono work. How is this fuckboy material. I was genuinely concerned for Peter especially after meeting him."

"Peter has horrible taste in men."

"Bucky!"

" Peter once slept with Castle."

"Frank Castle? This Peter? How?"

" terrible taste"

Bucky smirking in his glass cause he knows Matt heard him even from across the room. He loved reminding him that Peter and Frank hooked up atleast once that he knew of.

Matt raising and eyebrow at Bucky in a 'why you gotta bring that up.....again.'

Bucky laughs. Steve is confused. Peter is laughing and shaking his head. Matt is pouting.

cabezadeperro

i think that one of the things i like best about mattpeter as a ship is that you could very much argue that (canonically speaking, even!) matt is way more into peter than the other way around. and i love that. i love that he kinda knows that he sucks and that he thinks that peter's literally the best.

(from the spider-man/daredevil comic)

(spectacular spider-man 1976 #110)

i dont think zdarsky's dd run is good but he gave us the whole "the best of us. a good man. just naive." line and just for that i can never hate him.

(daredevil 2022 #10)

forestofbabel

Spideydevil soulmate AU where first words are written on each others bodies.

Peter has “Matt Murdock, a pleasure” on his arm so he’s always known who is soulmate is. Aunt May made Peter promise to wait until he was at least in college to make contact with the man since Matt is almost a decade older. Peter’s been practicing what he’s going to say for years. If he gets to speak first or if he gets to speak second, he knows what’s going to come out of his mouth. He knows what he put on Matt’s skin.

But then they finally meet and Peter hears those words and Peter says something just a tad unique to make his greeting stand out, to have it be words he hoped Matt thought about all the time growing up and would recognize right away. But Matt doesn’t even react.

So Peter thinks they’re mismatched. Peter’s heartbroken. Peter wants to try and get to know Matt anyway, which is a lot harder when he’s now just a random college kid with no real reason to spend time with a lawyer.

Peter doesn’t know that his first words to Matt were said as Spider-Man to Daredevil and that he had swung away too fast for Daredevil to make a reply and Matt has been trying to find a way to cross paths with Spider-Man again for months now.

modernlovez

Something about coming home…

cabezadeperro

Daredevil (2026) #2 (Stephanie Phillips & Lee Garbett)

daredva

friends don't high five, friends hug

twoflower-hailspideydevil

thatonedudeinthecorner

Team Red version of that 'our third' meme where Spidey and Deadpool are wearing the shirts and Daredevil is the one vehemently denying it

Okay I actually had this on my drawing list already ITS SO THEM ITS SO THEM

babyblankyerror

New addition to Team Red

teamredsoverworkedpremployee

Peter: *picks up phone* oh hey, DD! How’s it going? Drug bust tonight? I’ll be there. Oh, and the chimichangas? Yeah, DPs got ‘em covered. Maybe bring some change, I doubt he’ll remember that the sauces cost money now. Yeah, see you then. Bye. The rest of the avengers sitting around the meeting table: Peter: what? Tony: please tell me DD and DP mean Donald Duck and department Peter: no, they mean— Tony: I think you misunderstood. Please lie to me. Peter: oh okay then—

yuriosakawa

Peter, telling his origin story: “So I got bitten by this radioactive spider that escaped a lab and now I can climb walls—“

Matt: “Did you sue?”

nat-20s

Marvel Team Red is still such a funny concept to me. Sure stick Mr. "My superpower is sensory issues" with the two most annoying bitches alive. I'm sure this won't have any repercussions