If the world was flat the edge would be the most famous attraction in the world
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@outofmy-limits
If the world was flat the edge would be the most famous attraction in the world
No matter how many times you replay the whole timeline in your head, youâre never going to be able to pinpoint the exact moment it went wrong. Rereading months of text messages isnât going to give you any clarity, or make it any easier. You wonât get answers out of his friends, or his horoscope, or the pictures heâs liking on his phone. Sometimes you have to tell yourself itâs not something you did, or didnât do, and thereâs nothing you could have done differently, and itâs not because you were too much to handle, nor is it because you werenât enough. And then you have to just let go, because itâs all you can do.
"Through the uncharted terrain of life, keep walking in faith, for in the boundless expanse of uncertainty, you may stumble upon the most extraordinary miracles. Keep walking."
A co-worker of mine was standing outside with me during a break from customers to share a cigarette with me, and told me about how he had lost his brother that he was close with some years ago. He told me about how they used to be in a band together with some friends, and how ever since he'd died, he hadn't played any music because he'd been too scared and anxious. I told him about how I'd lost my brother to suicide some years ago.
I went home and pulled out an old tiny wooden box my brother had given me before he'd died. I'd been using it to store guitar picks I'd collected over the years, including one guitar pick that used to be his. I haven't played the guitar since he'd died, my hands are too small to play some of the chords, so I play bass and piano instead.
I went to work the next day and gifted my brothers old guitar pick to my co-worker. I told him that it'd been sitting in a box for ten years unused, and would probably sit there for longer if I kept it there. Told him that I thought he deserved to have it, because I bet he could put it to better use than I ever would. Told him I didn't feel like it was coincidence that me and him would cross paths with each other in our lives, and that it seemed suiting that we had these similar experiences but split in two halves. That somehow, I felt like he was meant to have the guitar pick. I told him that I knew he'd not played guitar since his brother died, but that if he ever decided to play again one of these days, maybe he'd be able to honor both of our brothers by using that guitar pick.
He almost cried. He thanked me. Then he went home that night and for the first time in years he played the guitar.
I don't know what the meaning of life is or what my purpose is, but I do believe that love and human connection is one of the most important things in life. It's finding ways to tell strangers you love them and share experiences with others. I think it's all just about love.
My PIN number to this day is my second grade best friends birthday. There are people I donât talk to anymore whose families are still in my prayers. There are shirts I wear to bed from exes of 8 years ago who are married now with kids. And I havenât found a macaroni salad recipe better than my college boyfriendâs momâs. Our lives are made up of so many people and when people become parts of our lives, some parts remain long after they leave. And in the same exact way, itâs comforting to know there are so many lives youâre still a part of that you have no idea about.
I know when things donât work out itâs too easy for us to say we werenât enough and thatâs what makes it impossible to feel closure. But just because you donât marry someone it doesnât mean they didnât feel something for you, like a lot, and it doesnât mean they arenât going to think about you ever again. Because they are. People who Iâve gone on one date with and decided I never want to see again still cross my mind when I pass a certain restaurant or someone mentions the town that person said theyâre from. Youâre not forgotten and you didnât âmean nothing,â I promise you. So just because itâs over, it wasnât pointless and you arenât worthless to this person. This person is still going to think about you, probably a lot, even if they already replaced you, even if you really hurt them. Thatâs just human, you meant something at one point and you will always mean something.
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ââThe greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.ââ
â William James (via naturaekos)
Toni Ann | @capturedwriteÂ