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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@outumnredrose
Laxus: Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die.
Bickslow : *Pulls out revolver* Goodbye Freed.
Laxus: “Not him. I let him meet them.”
Bix: “Your dick or your parents?”
Freed: “Both.”
that suggests he has multiple dicks and,,,,, you know,,,,,
lmfao I imagined ‘them’ meaning his dick, his mom, and his dad. ya know? cuz there’s multiple things.
ohhh that makes,,,, a lot more sense
Bisca: Did you eat all the powdered doughnuts?
Asuka, mouth stuffed with doughnuts: No…
Bisca: Then what’s that white powder on your skirt?
Asuka: Oh, that’s cocaine!
Natsu taught her this
Natsu also taught her how to say every curse word in existence
Nah, Gajeel and Cana did. Those two have the biggest potty mouths in the guild.
idk, Freed has a kind of letter's magic so he probably could also know a lot of bad words just that he does not occupy, unless go completely mad.
Evergreen: Okay. Tell me what happened.
Freed: …I wanted to ask Bickslow what he thinks about… how big Laxus’s dick is, like if it’s proportional to his body etc., and if it’d change when he’s using his Dragon Force.
Evergreen: Weird but not surprising…?
Bickslow: Thing is, he didn’t text me.
Freed: I didn’t.
Evergreen: You didn’t text Bix or me.
Evergreen: So who did you-
Evergreen: …
Evergreen: -no.
Evergreen: Dear Mavis, did you…
Bickslow: He did!
Freed: I did indeed.
Freed: I texted Laxus.
Evergreen: And he did what?
Freed: …
Bickslow: Go on, tell her.
Freed: I don’t-
Bickslow: You know if you don’t, I will.
Freed: Okay, okay, fine.
Freed: He reacted with-
Freed: -Dear Mavis I can’t believe I’m actually about to tell you two about that-
Freed: -he reacted with ’…??’
Freed: Followed by a three minute pause.
Freed: And then he sent ‘idk, never thought about it?’
Evergreen: That can’t be all.
Evergreen: Or is it?
Bickslow: Oh, it isn’t.
Freed: Shut the fuck up, this is the last time I trust you with anything.
Bickslow: C'mon man.
Freed: Anywaym
Freed: He kind of-
Freed: He kind of-
Freed: He-
Freed: He sent a dick pic and asked if I thought it was proportionate.
Evergreen: NO!
Evergreen: …
Evergreen: …Was it though?
Evergreen: What did you say?
Freed: It was all lost anyway so I… wrote that I’d have to see for myself…
Freed: And now I have a date today…
Evergreen: Well that’s… something, I guess.
-Several weeks later-
Freed: Update. His dick does in fact change in dragon force.
Freed: We tried it. It gets bigger.
Freed: *sleeping*
Laxus: Psst.
Freed: *sleeping*
Laxus, poking Freed in the ribs: Psst!
Freed: *disgruntled noise*
Laxus, kissing his cheek briefly: Hey!
Freed: *groans softly*
Laxus: *licks Freeds face*
Freed, wide awake: What the fuck are you doing?!
Laxus: Nothing, just wanted to see if you're awake and wanted to do it.
Laxus: *bolts out of their bed using his lightning body as freed gets a murderous look on his face*
3 Seconds Later
Laxus, running screaming through the street: I’m SORRY!!!!
Evergreen: Okay. Tell me what happened.
Freed: …I wanted to ask Bickslow what he thinks about… how big Laxus’s dick is, like if it’s proportional to his body etc., and if it’d change when he’s using his Dragon Force.
Evergreen: Weird but not surprising…?
Bickslow: Thing is, he didn’t text me.
Freed: I didn’t.
Evergreen: You didn’t text Bix or me.
Evergreen: So who did you-
Evergreen: …
Evergreen: -no.
Evergreen: Dear Mavis, did you…
Bickslow: He did!
Freed: I did indeed.
Freed: I texted Laxus.
Evergreen: And he did what?
Freed: …
Bickslow: Go on, tell her.
Freed: I don’t-
Bickslow: You know if you don’t, I will.
Freed: Okay, okay, fine.
Freed: He reacted with-
Freed: -Dear Mavis I can’t believe I’m actually about to tell you two about that-
Freed: -he reacted with ’…??’
Freed: Followed by a three minute pause.
Freed: And then he sent ‘idk, never thought about it?’
Evergreen: That can’t be all.
Evergreen: Or is it?
Bickslow: Oh, it isn’t.
Freed: Shut the fuck up, this is the last time I trust you with anything.
Bickslow: C'mon man.
Freed: Anywaym
Freed: He kind of-
Freed: He kind of-
Freed: He-
Freed: He sent a dick pic and asked if I thought it was proportionate.
Evergreen: NO!
Evergreen: …
Evergreen: …Was it though?
Evergreen: What did you say?
Freed: It was all lost anyway so I… wrote that I’d have to see for myself…
Freed: And now I have a date today…
Evergreen: Well that’s… something, I guess.
My childhood… comment your favorite! Mine’s Aelita!
Lucy: What’s wrong with Rogue?
Sting: He’s stuck between aesthetics.
Rogue, murmuring to himself: I wanna be a colourful and retro babe… but also a monochromatic stylish entity….
Wait…Rogue calls himself babe?
he’s calling himself a babe, lmao - like “damn i look sexy, I am a babe”
And since sting cant disagree with him, he can’t stop rogue.
“I wAnNA hElP bUt hES tOo PrETtY”
Your PSA for the day
top/bottom ≠ Dom/sub top/bottom ≠ masc/femme
Freed: I’m not getting into any more stupid debates with you.
Laxus, later: Water isn’t wet.
Freed: …how the FUCK is water not wet, it’s water!
water is wet because when you touch the water it gets you wet, which means water has to be wet to get you wet
Water isn’t wet by itself, but can make you ther things wet by default when it sticks to the surface of something.
Freed: EVERGREEN, BICKSLOW, STAY OUT OF THIS!!!!!!!!!
who eva and who’s bix in this situation?
Lucy: Hey, Freed, I like your top.
Laxus: I have a name.
Freed: Oh my God.
Freed: Laxus, honey…in what universe do you top?
Laxus: Just let me do something cool for once, babe!
Wendy: What does “take out” mean?
Natsu: Food.
Juvia: Date.
Gajeel: Murder.
Cana: It can be all three if you’re bold enough.
Erza: You look terrible. When did you go to bed?
Cana: I passed out at 11:30.
Erza: Okay, that’s not that bad—
Cana: Then I woke up an hour later for a snack and played Mario Kart with Mirajane until 4:30.
Erza: …
Cana, sighing: I’m ready for the lecture—
Erza: YOU PLAYED MARIO KART WITHOUT ME?
Mirajane: Sometimes it’s important to just… take a moment to-
Cana: -kinkshame yourself.
Laxus: *from right next to them* Same
Freed, sighing: I’ll drink to that.
Midnight and Cobra: *pop out from the abyss with booze*
Wendy: *opens a capri sun*
Mirajane: What are you doing?
Wendy: I wanted to join in!
Laxus: You shouldnt even know what kinkshamimg is! I’m gonna kill that fire breathing punk
Cobra: *with a sock full of pennies* Let’s get him.
Wendy: Wait, wait! DON’T HURT NATSU-SAN! I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!
Lucy, bored, also raising a beer: And trust me, neither does Natsu.
Freed: You poor girl
Lucy: The things I’ve seen and done for him. I wish he had some sense of shame.
Levy, drinking to forget: I got hourly updates. I wish he had shame too. I also wish Lucy didn’t feel the need to tell me every time they got sexual.
Jellal, slinking into the guild and collapsing on the floor: Someone kinkshame Erza…
Cobra: I ain’t got a death wish.
Makarov: I will, so long as you tell me each and all of Erza’s kinks.
Lucy: I can’t help feeling like you have an ulterior motive here.
Laxus: Pervert old man. Maybe you should have some sense of shame.
*Cana and Mirajane look at eachother and then at Freed*
Cana: Yeah, sure, because you’re not a perv in any way, Laxus.
Freed: In his defense he doesn’t ask for things like that.
Laxus: Not for gross reasons anyway. Blackmail is completely different
Lucy: *snorts* You don’t ask about Freed’s kinks? Yeah, alright, you fucking liar.
Laxus: Thats different, we’re in a committed relationship
Laxus: Freed, baby, tell ‘em!
Freed, covering up a suspiciously large bruise on his neck: *sips beer in silence*
Cobra: *spits out his beer, glare at Freed* THAT SHITS JUST NASTY
Freed: What? I didn’t say anything!
Midnight: He can hear your thoughts.
Freed and Laxus: …
Freed: …shit…
Cana, laughing: Tell me, tell me!
Cobra: Lucy, bring out Aries so she can make me earmuffs!
Lucy: On one condition - you tell us all what they thought!
Cana: Oh, yes!
Laxus: Oh, no.
Cobra: Then make Wendy leave the room!
Laxus, throwing Wendy and Chelia over each shoulder and booking it out of there: Y E E T
Freed: LAXUS YOU BAFOON DONT LEAVE ME HERE!
Cobra: They turned their spare bedroom into a sex cave!
Freed: It wasn’t a cave!
Lucy: Then what was it?
Cobra: MORE OF A PALACE!
Mirajane: *straight faced* Can we borrow it?
Freed: *gets up and leaves*
Cobra: I heard that, you dirty fucker!
Cana: Oooh~ Whatd He day?
Cobra, clearly scarred: First, get me a shot of whisky. And maybe bleach, too.
Mirajane: That bad, huh?
Cobra: You don’t even want to imagine what I know he was imagining.
Mirajane: *gets the stuff and sets it in front of him*
Midnight: *already sleeping on Lucy*
Cobra: *Drinks the shots and immediately needs help because he drank FUCKING BLEACH*
Lucy: *pats midnight*
Cobra: Get Wendy! Now!
Cana: *runs out to get her*
Lucy: It’s poison, how is it bothering you at all?
Cobra: It’s an alkali, not a poison! I’m fucking dying!
Lucy: THEN WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DRINK IT
Cobra: TO FORGET!
Midnight: No one ever accused him of being smart.
Lucy: Oh, shit, sass!
Wendy: *runs back into the guild with Cana and Laxus, goes and heals Cobra*
Laxus to Freed, after he drags him back into the guild: You didn’t tell him anything, did you?!
Lucy: Alright Cobra we had a Deal! Spill it!
Cobra: My guy likes leather. Lots of leather.
Cana: Yeah, yeah, we all know that.
Cobra: And ropes.
Cana: Uh-huh.
Cobra: And roleplay, and knives, and blood, and-
Laxus: OKAY, STOP!
Freed: *red faced*
Midnight: That’s what I’m talking about my dude
Cobra: AND HE SAID SOMETHING THAT I DON’T EVEN KNOW THE DEFINITION OF, AND-
Freed: Please stop!
Cobra: He just thought, “I hope he doesn’t say about the-”
Laxus: *electrocutes Cobra*
Mira: *pouts* Aww I wanted to know
Freed: No, you didn’t.
Lucy: Come in Cobra, spill it
Wendy: I… think he’s out cold…
Erza, requipping a hairdryer, an amplifier and an electric kazoo: We’ll soon fix that.
Midnight: Please don’t break my boyfriend
Freed: Please don’t break mine.
Cana: Bitch, yours is already broken.
Laxus: *brooding in the corner*
Bickslow: Yo, did you know those two made an entire treehouse for their fuckin’?
Freed: I knew we shouldn’t have told you.
Evergreen: There’s also a tunnel underneath the guild hall that’s full of equipment.
Freed: Please shut up.
Bickslow: And-
Laxus: No.
Midnight: *gets up and drags Cobra with him to check*
Cana: That sounds good. Damn, I gotta know.
Mira: Well come on then. Jellal, are you coming?
Jellal: *screams into the floor*
Wendy, still drinking Capri Sun: I wanna go!
Natsu, slinging her over his shoulder: LET’S GO SEE A SEX TUNNEL!
Lucy: Natsu put Wendy down!
Wendy, wriggling and flailing: BUT I WANNA SEE A SEX TUNNEL
This is beautiful.
I wonder what happened to Jellal when he returned home to Erza.
Hope he’s alright.
pffft. he got railed
Gray and Lyon: We’re here, we’re queer, we’re filled with existential fear.
I’m Gay - Eugene Lee Yang | The Try Guys - for the LGBTQIA+ community
summer means summer jobs, and that means a lot of students newly working in the food industry. be it starbucks, mcdonalds, or a local restaurant: do NOT mess with people’s food. giving someone milk when they ask for soy could kill them. giving someone meat when they ask for vegetarian could kill them. giving someone caffeine when they ask for none could kill them. people have deathly allergies and painful reactions and I have absolutely 0 sympathy for anyone who purposely messes with people’s food orders. respect people’s orders regardless of what you think would be a funny “prank” and regardless of how specific someone’s food order is. even if you had a 4 day straight shift if someone orders something specific you either do it or tell them that you cannot.
sick and disabled people should not have to be afraid of being sent to the hospital every time they go out to eat but some of you folks in the food industry really go out of your way to make us feel unsafe.
PS: if someone asks for a straw you fucking give it to them. chances are, most disabled people do not “look” how you think disability is supposed to look and if you refuse someone a straw because you doubt their need for it you are an asshole. disabled people are now being harmed and humiliated by assholes who think they have the right to determine who and who is not “worthy” of a straw.
I’ve had so, so many allergic reactions (usually to meat, because people don’t take meat allergies seriously) in situations exactly like what op is describing, and it’s both dangerous and frustrating! Had one waitress, who couldn’t be more than nineteen, look shocked as I doubled over in pain/with nausea. She said, and I quote, “Oh, I didn’t think you were serious.”
Please, please, please! Take all food requests seriously. I’m lucky enough that if I eat meat all I have to deal with is nausea, aches, fevers, and general pain– if I’m given a dish or drink with turmeric in it, my throat begins to close up. Food allergies and intolerances are serious and life-threatening. Don’t be a dick.
