After reading numerous posts over the past few weeks about tonks and especially Remadora, I thought I should make this piece. I know that this might be a bit redundant, but I wanted to say what I had in mind and remark on some of the misconceptions about our favorite Metamorphmagus
I thought this should be brought up first because well, the debate going on currently within the Harry Potter community (on amino) is whether or not Lavender Brown’s feelings for Ron were that of obsession, or that of love. I find that this question also tends to be, albeit unfairly, associated with Tonk’s and her feelings towards Lupin. It seems that many have adopted the image of Tonks as this lovestruck girl who was obsessively clings onto Remus. However, this cannot be further from the truth. Tonks is not the type to act in this way. She is spunky yes, and she does insist and continue bugging Remus about his hesitation, but she is not stupid. She knows and is clever enough to see that her efforts, how small or large they might be, are not in vain. She has been remarked as being extremely clever, so much so that she is able to read people’s emotions or just get a vibe from them rather well. Being an Auror, this isn’t incredibly surprising. However, tonks, knows when to hold herself back. Regardless of her rather chipper personality, she can sense when people need their space.
The instances I see when it pertains to Tonks being obsessed occur mainly within the Half Blood Prince. While I will be mentioning each in their individual snip bits, and more within reason 2, these are the reasons I see relating to ‘obsession’
In the half blood prince it is remarked, by name, that her patronus had now changed. It had morphed from its original state, a Jack rabbit, to a wolf. It now match’s Remus’s, however he never allowed himself to have a full corporeal patronus (due to self shame and loathing). We know that a patronus is the essence of a wizard’s soul, fueled by their positive emotions. A patronus is said to change after a significant event within the wizard’s life. When their happy memories cling to one subject, the patronus can shift to represent that emotional shift. Tonks’s patronus changed due to her love for lupin. Her happiest memories now revolve around him, insinuating that he was the one being in the world that could make her truly happy. Or one that brought her the greatest joy in the world. snape experienced a change in patronus when he fell in love with Lily. However, as seen by the previous example, this love does not need to be unrequited as Remus very much reciprocated tonks’s feelings. I guess that when one finds their soulmate it clings to them, which, in some instances, causes such a change in personality that ones’s very expression fo their soul changes. The patronus reflects the love the caster clings to. Harry’s is a stag much like his fathers and Ron’s is a terrier known for chasing otters (hermione). Each is a reflection of their inner desires and what their heart clings to. This isn’t solely due to romantic love, but the instances we seen drastic changes are driven by that. I believe that tonks’s patronus did not match remus’s exactly and was most likely the female counterpart to himself, symbolizing that he had become engrained in her identity and her within his. Snape’s changed to match Lily’s whom I guessed matched James’s. I do not see it as obsession that drives this change, but deep unchanging emotional love. Whether it be love for a parental figure, love for oneself, or love for a partner.
This is what I find gets misinterpreted the most out of any moments of Tonks. Throughout the Half Blood Prince Tonks is in a deep state of depression. Many assume that it was due to Remus leaving her. That this was the sole reason why she lost her powers and got into this state. However, saying that gives a great disservice to her true struggles. Yea, Remus leaving did leave her down. But, it was not solely due to rejection. He was practically putting his life on the line in the camps, signing up for a near suicide mission just because he did not wish to face himself or his pain if he ever truly let himself be happy. He always felt inadequate and due to his obligations to the order, he decided to leave. In addition, they were engrained in a war, one she had never experienced. Even as a trained auror, she was born and raised away from the first wizarding war. Her friends, her coworkers, her parents, and her love were all in danger now. Her father was being hunted down for being a muggle born and on the run and the love of her life could’ve been easily next. Her cousin died and she believed it was HER fault. She was dueling Bellatrix at the time the spell hit Sirius, knocking him back into the veil. This isn’t a case of a sappy teenage girl mad she didn’t get a text back. It isn’t Bella swan going down into an emotional spiral due to her boyfriend leaving. Tonks had many reasons to feel hopeless, yet, despite all of this, we must admire her. She still continued to fight, to move on and do her part. She never shut down, never gave up trying. I do not blame her for being in this depressive state, but many think it as a desperate cry for attention. An act out of self pity and pain at being rejected. This couldn’t have been further from the truth. Tonks knew that Remus deserved his space and, relating back to my main point, if she truly was obsessed with him she would’ve ran after him. Begged him to stay. Instead, she let him go. She let him do what he wished, seek his own path. Find what he wants. Of course she’d be saddened by this, but that is to be expected. I cannot blame her for this, but insisting she was acting like a bratty teenager is completely ignoring her inner strength and determination.
Overall, I find that the insistence that tonks is a simple clingy girl are completely untrue. Tonks knew when to step back, regardless of how much it hurt her. She couldn’t demand Remus to stay, regardless of if she tried. She knew that he had to take time to help himself as well. Remus’s issues prevent him from harboring or making many important connections within his life. And to claim she is obsessed because she simply gave him his space is completely ridiculous. She cannot fix Remus by herself. I admired her for giving up her own happiness and still continuing the fight (regardless of her pain), much like what Remus thought he was doing.
This is the main aspect I see that just infuriates me. I cannot count the amount of times I’ve seen people say remarks such as:
“Remus never truly loved tonks, they pressured him into it”
“Tonks trapped Remus with teddy”
Or, probably worse of all
“Tonks used a love potion on Remus”
All three of these statements seek to completely close over the very essence of Remus as a character. They see him as the unwilling victim within all of this, like he was somehow succumb to peer pressure. That is not Remus at all. While he is a sensitive soul who is consistently within a state of self hatred and loathing, he would NEVER marry someone or risk giving them his stigma if he wasn’t serious. Even if others ‘pressured’ him into doing so. Remus would’ve done what he always did, moved away and tried to push any sense of happiness form his life. Yet, this time was different. He stayed, eventually, which is actually great development upon his part.
But, I also feel that people misinterpret Remus as well in’ this. His issue wasn’t that he didn’t love tonks, he always felt he wasn’t good enough. He always thought himself as inadequate and undeserving of anything good within his life. I’d bet that when James, Sirius, and Peter became friends with him, he felt so ashamed. He probably hated himself at first, almost refusing to see them. But, eventually, like we see here, he moves past it. But, there is another point I’d like to address. I do not think that the scene in the hospital is pressure. I have seen people interpret it as creepy because (if it happened to be switched it would be different), but I do not think that’s the case. They said their piece, but people often forget Remus and tonks obviously talked it out afterwards. He was still unresolved after that scene, telling me that it was not due to their pressure he caved. If it was he would’ve admitted it then and there to get them off his back. However, what I do think, is that he took their words to heart. He understood that he couldn’t hide anymore. He had been running his entire life, but no more. By running he only hurt himself and the one woman who brought him joy and made him feel like he was worth something. Not a monster, not something to be shunned. Not Remus Lupin the werewolf, just Remus Lupin the man. Human, like everyone else.
Lastly, no tonks did not give Remus a potion or something to make him love her. If she did then he wouldn’t have left. He would’ve been at her every whim, much like Tom riddle sir was for Voldemort’s mother. He wouldn’t leave her alone, nor would he be able to think of his own inner doubt. It would be consumed by pure lust and pure devotion, which, Remus didn’t experience. His love was much more genuine, and true. I know many shit on JK Rowling and rightly so, but back before this mess started, the potter more wiki said that tonks was the only person Remus has ever felt love for. The only one he truly loved. While you may disagree with this and have your own headcanons, in the context of the canon, this is law. Therefore, no love potion used.
Now this is an issue more acquainted to fandom interpretation outside of canon. I know many have wished for, or claimed, that since Tonks and Remus reflect or are meaningful to them, that they should adequately represent that class or group. However, I offer this: Characters do not have to be a specific sexuality, race, gender, religious afflit, etc. to be an inspiration to us. We take what we love from these individuals in fiction and relate to them, regardless of how you might feel or might interpret them. Personally, while I do not think tonks is straight (I think she’s pan), I also do not agree with just because she is in a relationship with an man she is somehow not relatable. Bisexual and pansexual people exist and because she chose Remus at the end of the day, it doesn’t disqualify her from our respect and admiration. Same goes for Remus (who I think is demisexual), regardless of how you interpret him. Even myself, as a straight woman, identity greatly with Remus and tonks. I love their characters and how they represent many of our inner insecurities and outer spunk. I can appreciate them however they are, regardless of my own identity. I think that characters should be defined as more than a label. While diversity and inclusion is nice, you run the risk of having it be implemented with no meaning for the sole purpose of diversity (making bland characters per say but having them be a minority to appease the masses). I find that establishing wonderful characters that anyone can relate to is much more important, regardless of their canon identities and sexualities. A character I always admired in fact is agni from black butler. I think he is such a genuinely good individual who was bound by duty and love to protect those he cared for. He moved beyond the faults of his past and became loved and appreciated, while garnering a life long relationship full of respect and devotion. I am in a completely different situation than Agni, but still, my admiration is the same. I find that the hyperfocusing upon inclusivity (while beneficial in most instances) also excludes or gives way to disdain towards characters unwarrantably. I think that characters should be wonderful and relatable first and if they fulfill that, they can represent us all 💜
4: The Big Wolfstar Question
Of course I will bring this up. I understand that many ship Sirius with Remus within the HP universe. While I am not one of those individuals for multiple reasons (mainly due to sirius’s faults as a youngster. Which honestly seemed more out of malice than inner turmoil) I do respect people who respectfully have their ships while not harassing others for theirs. However, what I do not agree with, is when every canon instance of remus’s love for tonks is seemingly excused by one ridiculous claim to the next. To insinuate remus never loving tonks is a completely preposterous. Remadora and wolfstar can coexist, however, to deny the canonical love Remus had for tonks is doing him a great disservice. And it also represents how the community can sometimes be incredibly hateful towards women and bisexuals. Insinuating that because they headcanon Remus as bi, he HAS to be with men. He cannot be with women or else that is heteronormativity and tonks represents every sickening aftermath of that. This is completely ridiculous and I know not all shippers are like this, but I find this hate is nearly exclusive towards Remadora and tonks specifically.
Also, insinuating that anyone who doesn’t ship wolfstar is homophobic is not it either. I, for one, just cannot see them having a relationship together. I thought Sirius as a child was not the type of person Remus needed. He was too emotionally immature and inept to give Remus the true support he needed (not to mention the prank) but we welcome a fanon where Remadora and wolfstar exists as long as we are all respectful and agree to disagree. But to insinuate that Remus either A) only married tonks bc she could shift into Sirius B) married tonks simply due to her being in the black family and related to Sirius or C) Remus forgetting completely about tonks in the afterlife or if Sirius returned (even though Remus fell in love with tonks when Sirius was still alive) is completely ignoring one of the most important individuals in Lupin’s existence. However, I do not wish to remain upon this topic for long. I will probably bring it up in the future, but not right now.
While Remadora is in no ways a perfect relationship, I think that the way it progresses, or at least the way I saw it progress in my own headcanon, was well executed given the circumstances of both individuals. It is disappointing to know that many see tonks in an completely different light than myself. I know many who will read this will likely agree with what I have to say, and I do intend to write about Remus in the future, but I’ll leave it at this. What I learned from a tonks is that you must remain strong in the face of adversity. To never lose hope, yet to not lose yourself in the process. To be patient and do your best, even if sometimes you fail. You may have some bumps and some ups and downs, but one day, it’ll all be worth it. You will become stronger and will become more than you ever imagined.
Anyways that’s it for now. Until next time...
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