Write Myself To Sleep

Some nighs I choke on sleep. My eyes closed, my body exhausted, but its not until I write a bad poem on a little flip notebook by the light of my phone's flashlight that finally. I can drift away.

[overdramatic-tendancies]

I keep on seeing the way you looked at me

Like you knew more than you could

More than you probably ever will

I don’t seem to know how to time anything

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Why aren’t you here

We could fuck

Or cuddle

Or both

I wouldn’t care

[overdramatic-tendancies]

When I’m more drunk than I usually am

I think about kissing you

And I wonder

Why you took that away from us

[bechloestitanium]

i’m sorry, but this is super cute

[overdramatic-tendancies]

When I’m bored I think of kissing you

But it’s really just a short term solution

[overdramatic-tendancies]

My Generation

People see my generation and they say

lazy, entitled, underachieving

But i look at people my age and I see

deal breakers, change makers, and people who tip their servers 20%

We are empathetic, we listen, and we don’t want to work our lives away.

Sure we may be on our phones too much,

but the internet has empowered us & connected us on a global scale.

One night I was chatting with 2 people, we were on 3 different continents and we found each other because of a show, and we were able to connect.

Don’t talk about my generation in a negative way.

We were born in the dot com boom, we were kids on 9/11, and we were just hitting puberty when the economy crashed and burned from our parents’ greed.

We will change the world because we have to in order to survive, so what if we make memes while doing so.

We are resilient and we will fight for everyone to be alive, regardless of the lines that divide us.

We were bred in turmoil at the turn of a century, we’re claiming this world as ours.

Call it rebranding.

[overdramatic-tendancies]

home

The home where I was born has become a sort of cage for me, I can’t go back without feeling at least a little trapped.

Yet I want to show it to people. My dogs, my family, chic-fil-a milkshakes, and the best lavender latte.

“Try not to swear,”

I would say

“Especially no fucks.”

“And don’t forget, no mention that I’m gay.”

Yet even with these restrictions there is a sort of warmth that I feel.

A longing.

To be where I come from, with the people who made me there.

Even as I find home in other places.

[overdramatic-tendancies]

again

here I am again, penning another pathetic poem

about a girl I thought I liked

but then I didn’t

may my next journal be more exciting than this sad excuse of snippets from my nonexistent love life

at this point I won’t even be as bold to ask for deep love

however

mutual attraction seems like a dream

here’s to hope

that someday may at last be today

my patience is wearing

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Thank You

You don’t now how much it meant to me when you said,

“Ooo a girl?”

You don’t remember but I do when that one time you said,

“Fall for a girl”

then as an after thought,

“or boy”

You don’t know how valid it made me feel when you said,

“Oh I knew”

You have not only made me feel normal, you have made me feel loved.

For who I am, no strings.

All I can say with the sincerity from the bottom of my heart is,

“Thank you”

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Tired

Bone tired

and nervous about tomorrow

What job will I hold, when will I go, who will be my home

I struggle finding rest at times in this chaos 

It can allude me

wandering far away

I think of the endless work, but I am not the only on laboring 7 days a week

Others do so with more back breaking work than mine

But perhaps most humans are not meant for that

Tonight I’ll go to sleep smelling clean sheets, fresh laundry, and coconut hair

And perhaps tomorrow I will catch up with rest

[overdramatic-tendancies]

somedays

Somedays I wonder if someday will be okay

That if I am lucky enough to fall in love that my family will love her back

Somedays I fear the worst

Hope seems too far off 

But as I told my friend the other day 

As long as we lift our hands to our heart and our chest is still beating

There is hope.

I hope that someday is filled with peace

May we all have bright and calm somedays

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Moving On

I’m upgrading my notebook

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just your time is almost gone

I bought you for 2 euros at a small store in Athens

Little did I know that you would be filled with these pitiful poems for a girl who doesn’t care

I have enjoyed our time together

And I will cherish these pages

But I hope for my sake and yours

That my next notebook is filled with tales of love that are more requited than these

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Digital Romance Part VIII (the end)

I don’t know how many days it’s been

I don’t know how many weeks it’s been

This is how emotions end

See i texted saying that my dog was dying and you didn’t give a fuck

You messaged twice with next to nothing and that’s when I knew

That you don’t care about me

Now my emotions have run out

And it scares me how little sadness that I feel

We never had a relationship

It wasn’t really even a friendship

It was a connection of messages typed through the sky

I was just a mindless distraction on the days that you needed it

It’s over and it’s done

And somehow I don’t even care

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Your money

Like your love

Comes with strings

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Wasted

It wasn’t about her.

It just seemed like I was close.

Yet here I am, back at square one.

I crave touch.

Not just someone’s hands on me.

But to press my body close to another.

I was hoping just to hold a hand.

But now I have nothing.

And the sensation of nothing accrues inside of me.

I feel the love burning inside of me, wasted potential.

How does one learn to live without longing for love.

Will loneliness be my only life long companion?

Will my kisses forever be wasted?

Did I do something wrong?

Surely something must be wrong with me.

Maybe I am incapable of being loved.

Which seems a waste.

Because every day I become more aware of my capacity to love.

But perhaps this is just a joke from god about wasted potential.

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Digital Romance Part VII

in the movies it’s simple

Person A just happens to be in the same place as Person B

but this is not a movie

and I am afraid that our physical paths will never cross

that we’ll forever be confined to a digital world

what saddens me most is the thought that we’ll never get a chance

it’s not that you will say no

it’s that i’ll never even be able to ask

maybe this knowledge will give me the nerve to be a little more bold

because i certainly don’t love you yet

[overdramatic-tendancies]

Clusterfuck

What a clusterfuck of feelings I am holding in my gut tonight

Messaging two girls

One I want a chance with, yet I have none for obvious reasons

The other I have a chance with, yet I’m unsure for obvious reasons

And in the midst of it, existential questions and thoughts on religion

A determination to be better than I was the day before.

Have I forgotten to live generously and selflessly

Kindness above all?

The example bred in the those of the son of man?

I must remember who I am and live each day with purpose, driven by love for other.