Profesionální Zachumlánek

33 | jemi/zima | bílý heterosexuální muž shiny edice |

[castformi-deactivated20241025]

dystopia au where we are all assigned one of two chosen genders at birth

[peppylilspitfuck]

Thanks to ultrasounds, the genders can be assigned before birth.  The people are so excited to conform they throw “Gender reveal parties” to make sure their offspring exist in a strict binary since before they can even form thoughts. 

[slightlykylie]

Children are color-coded according to their binary assignment. 

[darkersolstice]

One of the genders is seen as inherently inferior.

[yothobro-deactivated20200505]

This all sounds really effing creepy when you put it that way

[rooksandravens]

#BECAUSE IT IS

[fuckyeahfeminist]

And if you deviate from the assigned gender you can be disowned by your family, fired from your job, and beaten by authorities.

[rodserlingofficial]

[knebellindemann]

[mypointlessoul]

Your husband is right

[cosmonautroger]

[sentient-tent]

This is Tie, she is going to eat all of the notes

[sentient-tent]

reblog to feed her notes

[elodieunderglass]

How is she doing this

[cloacacarnage]

i know its the mets, but this is the coolest shit i’ve ever seen a human being do

[futureblackwakandan-deactivated]

Wtf????

[theryanproject]

Smoove with it too 

[meqabitch-deactivated20200901]

This is the kind of shit you see in anime that shows that a certain character is stronger than other characters. 

[bankuei]

“Pathetic.  You can’t even hold the bat you dare step to the plate? Have you no respect for the sport?”

[pardonmewhileipanic]

reminds me of this gif

[sueanoi]

[batter-sempai]

Baseball players are to be feared

[cynosurecosplay]

[thenamesdede]

Reblogging for the last one

[saito-91]

^Same for me

[amuzed1-deactivated20241106]

They just kept getting progressively more “woah”

[scp2008]

much woah

[lord-blongus]

Oh my god this is a lucky universe

[cleoselene-deactivated20260315]

every time this post comes around, my favorite part is the “I know it’s the Mets” qualifier at the beginning lmao like how baseball that this zillion note posts starts with “sorry for putting this hellteam on your dash, bUT”

[lostspirit101]

Y’all have no idea how hard I was trying not to laugh in class at that poor bird

[wazimoomoo]

They…they just blew up a fucking bird…

[greatcomputerearthquake]

Ball’s dead. Bird’s dead. I’m dead

[toasthaste]

according to An Immense World, apparently giant squid eyes are, like, UNREASONABLY large, even for something their size living at those depths. the next largest eyes on earth, blue whale eyes, are less than half the size, and swordfish, who live at similar depths as giant squid and have the largest eyes of any fish, have eyes that could fit inside a giant squid's pupil.

eyes hit serious diminishing returns wrt resource costs vs vision quality as they get bigger, so the question became: what the FUCK do giant (and colossal) squid need to see so badly that they couldn't see with swordfish-sized eyes that's justifying that massive energy cost? that nothing else in the deep ocean needs to see so fucking badly??

turns out the one strength eyes that big really have over much smaller eyes is: seeing large glowing objects in water deeper than 500 meters from an appreciable distance.

sperm whales are the primary predator of giant squid. sperm whales don't glow. BUT! water that deep is full of bioluminescent creatures-- these creatures light up when bumped into. something a sperm whale's size is continuously bumping into those critters, it's just surrounded by a glowing field all the time when it's swimming at those depths, visible from a distance-- if you have the right eyes-- as a massive glowing shape. so basically the only reason to have eyes the size of soccer balls is if you live in the deep ocean and your life depends on having a heads up when a hungry sperm whale lurking around

and also I gotta say, the imagery... the huge lurking threat betrayed only by the ambiguous glowing shape of its movements through the water, is really evocative, if spooky deep-sea games aren't already using that to make things extremely ominous then they should really start

[spacedewey]

I think the most damage this site has done to me is making me think "It's fucken wimdy" when it is, in fact, fucken wimdy outside.

[whatthefluffnightvale]

I taught one of my ranching buddies “it fucken wimdy” and now he says it around his older more established ranching buddies

The exhilaration I get- upon hearing an old rancher (I’ve never met before) in cowboy boots and a cowboy hat while on a horse, grimly saying “it fucken wimdy” in a thick west Texas accent as he looks down upon his cows- is incalculable

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I see your “Rocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans can’t hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words mean” and raise you “Rocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that ‘bad bad bad’ isn’t actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.”

Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rocky’s been saying is “shit shit shit”.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Eridian government representative: Greetings Rocky, Saviour of Erid, and Grace, Saviour from Beyond the Stars. We are pleased to welcome you home.

Grace, haltingly on the keyboard Rocky built for him: Wassup bitches. Fucking jazzed to—

Rocky: GRACE STOP TALKING NOW NOW NOW I EXPLAIN LATER

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

tgis is so fucking funny to me. they accidentally Rock Lee'd a retired racehorse

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

imagine youre a fat horse and your new neighbour is a personal trainer

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

horse that reads Marcus Aurelius

[voyage-of-the-porn-spreader]

I was wrong. they didnt rock lee him. this horse is literally Gai. and i wish he was my dad

[overlyegoistic]

This to me sounds like a very Blaseball song. Tell me you can't imagine there being a player named Jimmy Cyanideteeth and The Garages writing this exact song about them.

[reading-writing-revolution]

[why-yes-i-am-an-adult]

This monument in Kazakhstan makes me so emotional.

5 people linked hands to save the dog, but there are only 4 in the statue...

so you can be the fifth

[memecucker]

[axolotl-anemonoides]

[moosenaround2448]

I'd fucking retire dude are you kidding me

[foone]

I've got one of these. It's from the vtech V.smile educational games console. It's got a really nifty feature: it's ambidextrous!

[themanwiththesuitcaseofflies]

you start beating them and mid match they beyblade their fucking controller to their dominant hand

[selkiewizard]

Public transport is a type of horse and I'm a teenage girl who no one understands

[selkiewizard]

The bus fucking bit me

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

i was watching a video about how regional cheeses are made around the world, and was shown a type of mozzarella called zizzona (the z/zz pronounced like the 'zz' in 'pizza', with a 'tz' sound), which, yes, means "mother's breast".

so rest easy tonight knowing they have titty cheese in italy.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

they also make special GIANT 66lb zizzona

so rest easy tonight knowing they have hummina hummina aWOOGAH iyiyiyiyi GAZONGA cheese in italy

[mist-the-wannabe-linguist]

ceckosýr

[esuterunokitsune]

... k.... Kozí sýr

[ailathemoodentity]

PŘÍMO (Z) MLÍKÁRNY

[eastern-lights]

*urovná si poznámky na pulpitu*

*odkašle si*

*naváže oční kontakt s publikem*

"Vážení...

Kozarella."

[fromhersoul]

[hauntedhunted]

kiss this babey

[autistictortoise]

Conspiracy theories from other countries in 20th century: It was the CIA/the KGB/the Chinese/the aliens that killed *insert a political/army figure*

Czechs in 20th century: It was a centuries old curse made by our favourite king that got that motherfucking son of a bitch may he rot in hell forever, he should not have touched our crown jewels, he had it coming.

[khaarl-i]