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glowplease

shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

i really should have just stayed alone.

my life would be so much easier if i was just fucking straight. and fuck you for saying i am when i never stopped thinking about you for even a week.

and a few days ago just made everything worse realizing how much of my feelings i’m actually surpressing.

i feel like i’m in denial of who i am.

i associate it with so much shame. it’s not shameful.

i have to stop hurting people. i wish people would stop coming into my life i’m just going to hurt them.

i’m 22 and i still haven’t a clue of who i am. well i do, i think i’m just recognizing that the person i want to be will bring so many implications in my life.

i wish i could be happy with the life that would be so easy for me. with you.

i want to be happy with you.

but i just don’t know how much longer i can ignore it anymore.

dochoes-deactivated20190505

i always thought that falling asleep next to the person i loved was the best thing in the world. both of us all tangled up in a dark, freezing cold room surrounded by tons of pillows and blankets. hearing her whisper “come here” from somewhere in the darkness and then feeling her pull me into her chest. it was always amazing.

but then i woke up to her… and holy shit. the way the morning sun slowly made its way across her skin and brought every single part of her to light before she even opened her eyes… i swear to god i never knew there could be something so beautiful. so naturally and unintentionally breathtaking.

it made me realize that every time i woke up to her, i was waking up next to the most perfect girl in the world. it immediately became my favorite thing about each day. one day she will be my wife. my prayer is that even then i will never take one single morning with her for granted.

@lowkeysxvage