“To protect oneself’s best interests and mental health, it’s best to cut off negative relationships. The memories perhaps were great, you’ll always be grateful for what it was at the time, but like failed relationships, it’s time to move on. You don’t have to be friends with everyone forever. You need to set clear and firm boundaries that people around you should not cross to protect your best interests and mental health.”
— Dandan Zhu
Alt Perspective:
Sometimes people caught in avoidant loops use bold boundaries not for safety, but as exits. It’s not always about protecting mental health,but perhaps sometimes it’s about avoiding depth or closeness.
And while the securely attached might see that as their cue to bow out quietly, others (even mostly secure or just slightly anxious types) walk away carrying guilt they didn’t earn.
Because the “boundary” was never about repair, perhaps it was an easy setup out, not maybe fully premeditated. Something the other person was bound to cross, even unintentionally, so the avoidant could justify the escape. Or perhaps share it to peers as a win, dodged bullet or higher self worth with awareness. When it’s just the avoiders loop cycle moving out.
So the relationship ends. Not because it was toxic, but because it got too real.
And now someone’s walking away heartbroken, blamed for a mistake that wasn’t theirs, wondering if they were too much ,when really, they were just enough to scare someone who wasn’t ready to stay.
And avoider is temporarily happy free but then suffers shame, guilt and pain further on.
