Toto

she/her Living is hard. Idk what I’m supposed to put here.

[overtiredandoverthinking]

My last post was super long winded but I do have questions I’d like answers to so here we go I guess

How long does/did it take to realize you’re not straight?

How do you know you have a crush on someone if you’re ace but not aro?

Can you accidentally convince yourself you have a crush on someone when actually you don’t?

Can you convince yourself you’re queer when you actually aren’t?

Idk man I’m confused all the time lol

[overtiredandoverthinking]

Hey so I’m not sure if I have a crush on my best friend or not, this’ll be ramble-y.

I’ve always just assumed I’d end up with a man because I’m (sorta) in a homophobic religion. I’m probably some kind of ace, and I’ve only ever been on 2 dates so I’m not super experienced with romance but I do want to find a partner someday.

I didn’t start earnestly thinking about my sexuality until I went to college and actually got to meet some queer folks and realize that they’re just normal people (I know I was dumb and stupid but I’m better now). There was this one girl who I really wanted to be friends with, but I’m scared of people so I never really got close with her. I don’t actually know if it was a crush though or just that I thought she was cool and wanted to be her friend.

I met my best friend when we were in second grade, and we are super similar. We both have a lot of similar mental health issues, we both bonded about our church a lot as kids, we were in almost every grade of elementary school together, in plays together, and nerds about the same books. She helped me through a lot of my darkest moments and crises as a kid, and even though I moved away between middle and high school we’re still best friends. We both suck at texting and calling each other, but every time we do it’s like no time has passed even though we’ve both changed so much.

Recently (being like a year or two, time is a construct), she fully left the religion we grew up in, and came out to me as bi. She is super cool, she’s in school doing opera, she’s doing a lot of amazing advocacy work and going to protests, and she’s just super kind and hard working.

I recently went to a wedding in the same town she lives in, and one of the days I was there we got to meet up and we just wandered and talked for like 6 hours. We talked about our families, and her school, and advocacy work and at some point we were talking about dating, and I asked her about how she figured out she was bi. I was really confused and I figured if I was going to talk to anyone abt lgbtq stuff I’d talk to her. It was a really nice talk. At one point there was a lull in the conversation and I looked at her and thought about how pretty she is, and I kinda weirded myself out for some reason. Eventually she had to go to work and I went to help set up my other friend’s wedding. I got to see her one more time on the trip cause I got food at the place she works at after the wedding reception and I couldn’t stop thinking about her afterwards and I was just really confused the whole drive back to my Airbnb.

Ever since I got back from there I’ve been wondering if I started to get a crush on her, but I don’t know cause maybe it’s just cause we were talking about romance and dating and crushes so I just kind of tricked myself, or maybe I do like her and I still just have to work through internalized homophobia. I couldn’t date her either way cause she likes a different girl who actually lives near her, but idk I’m still just like confused cause there was also one point where she helped me roll up my pants this funny way one of our old teachers taught us and I got kind of flustered but I don’t usually like people touching me anyway. Idk I’m just confused and needed to get it out I guess. Maybe I need more input because I don’t know if I really remember what it’s like to have a crush, and maybe girl crushes are different from boy crushes. Idk someone help me lol

[overtiredandoverthinking]

I need help identifying a jumping spider

I’m just sitting outside and there was this absolutely teeny tiny jumping spider that started crawling around on my phone We played around for a bit and it jumped around from the grass, to my hands, back to my phone. Then it started wandering away and I only got one picture of it before it disappeared and now I want to know what kind it was.

Its body was mostly black-ish brown, but the booty had these white markings, and its legs were yellow. I tried looking it up on duck duck go, but I couldn’t find any that looked like it.

[overtiredandoverthinking]

I’m in church rn and the talk is abt ai… I wanna die

[overtiredandoverthinking]

I’m not diagnosed autistic, but I’ve got a lot of the symptoms and this is one that kind of freaks me out and I’d like some advice for it.

I have sensory issues and the worst is sound. I’ve got misophonia and my triggers are basically all mouth noises aside from talking, and a lot of other ones but mouth noises are the worst. Sometimes when I’m super triggered I hit myself in the head which scares me. Often I’m just not thinking rationally and it just kind of happens, sometimes I’m more aware and know that it’s bad for me but I just don’t know what else to do to get the sound out.

If anyone has advice on how to stop this or make the sensory issues less aggressive I’d be really grateful cause I’m scared I’m going to actually damage my brain soon

[overtiredandoverthinking]

Just starting a list here of authors I won’t read cause they write with ai. If you wanna grab it and add to it feel free to

Cassie Carter

Scarlet Quinn

[overtiredandoverthinking]

Switch joycons are $90???

I’m going to cry

[overtiredandoverthinking]

I just realized that I don’t understand how references work.

I’m practicing drawing for mer-may and I’m trying to use reference pictures, but I don’t actually know how to translate the picture into figures. Like, I think I’m just used to “tracing” it exactly, and I don’t think I can abstract these pictures enough to see the general shapes you’re supposed to do when you practice.

If anyone has any tips or advice I’d be very grateful

[overtiredandoverthinking]

So I’ve been using duck duck go since you can turn off the ai, but now when I try to watch YouTube videos in the duck player thing, it says I’m a bot. I don’t have any VPNs, and I’m already signed in, so is there any other work around? This is really frustrating to me

Is there really just nothing I can do? I just have to go back to ads?

[hoidianslips]

in the stormlight archive TV show, I'd like to request special closed captions that are just sassy vorin footnotes and gossip.

[fanbeanie]

[horseimagebarn]

horsethoughtbarn 5 name

if horses werent called horses what do you think they should be called

[kaylmao]

quibbet /ˈkwɪ.bɪt/

from proto indo european *kswibʰ-éh₁-ti (to move quickly, stative form implying something moving quickly)

via proto brythonic *hwɨβid (to move)

spelling then latinized by roman empire to quibus, then frankified by norman invaders to quibbet

[horseimagebarn]

incredibly done my friend exactly the kind of thing i was hoping for

[breadraccoon]

Might be alone in this opinion, but I like learning about Spren politics. We get hints of information on Spren relations, but we don’t know much about Spren societies in shadesmar other than honor Spren. I’m kind of hoping we get to spend more time on with other Spren groups with Shallan stuck in shadesmar. Can we visit the cryptic city? Like how weird and cool is that place?

[1eos]

[macksarts]

Been itching to make Sir Caine happen with my own two hands. Just an idea that desperately needed to escape my head. Colored chain mail and all. What do yall think?

[overtiredandoverthinking]

I have misophonia (my brain hears someone eating a piece of bread and thinks they’re chasing me down with a knife) which really sucks cause I LOVE food. I love eating food, but I struggle to eat with my family cause even if their mouths are closed I can hear them, but if I put my headphones on I hear myself. I love watching cooking content, but at least 70% of food influencers LOVE to add “bad” sounds when cooking and/or eating the food they make. I love cooking food, but squishy food like Mac an cheese, or any kind of metal utensils mixing glass or metal bowls makes me want to headbutt a wall until my skull caves in.

Life is pain and suffering

[overtiredandoverthinking]

How do I correct someone’s grammar in a nice way? I saw a comment on a YouTube video that said “wait in til” instead of “wait until”, and I really don’t want to be one of those people who’s like “yOu DoN’t kNoW hOw To SpElL UnTiL?!” because spelling is hard and if they’re from America we all know how our education system is. I do want to help them out though so like… what do I say?