ENDO, I am your biggest fan and you're my new inspiration. But while I'm typing this, I feel like giving up drawing, because my drawing skills are not perfect and my arm hurts. I crave for a new art style, I want to become a new thing and your art inspires me, but it also hurts me. Because your art is straight edge and angular, and I love it. I try to practice, I try hard, but my arm hurts, my arm muscles tighten, it's frustrating, and it's not even good to my standards. How do I cope with this?
You kinda caught me with my trousers down, this may be the realest question I’ve ever answered. You’ve just opened the floodgates, so awake, avast, hold tight your buns, if buns you do hold dear.
I think maybe art is one of the most organic experiences a human can go through, besides going though childbirth, or eating kale. Art might not be as physically painful as either of those, but I’m willing to go out on a limb and say it’s DEFINITELY as emotionally painful for some people, myself included
Did you know I hate my art?
I hate it, hate it, hate it to little bloody pieces
It makes me wanna crawl right out of my fucking skin
I didn’t used to though, and I still haven’t found out when or why I started, despite having scoped it out from every angle. At some point I realized that the art I drew in no way resembled or bore aspects of any of the styles that I held close to my heart; my style was and is unique, and it represents who I am, but it isn’t what I wanted. I don’t know that my style will EVER be what I wanted.
But here’s the thing. Let’s say that in the same fashion I tried to emulate someone’s style, so did you. Let’s say that you manage to perfectly incorporate my style into yours to the point that someone wouldn’t be able to tell my art from yours.
Our styles would cancel each other out.
By having no singularly individual aspect of our art, we lose our uniqueness. Us artists are not supposed to perfectly copy another style; we are not conveyor belts or printers robots
So only recently have I learned to accept and love my style, because just like we can look at our faces in a mirror and not see its true shape, artists can rarely see the value and style of our own art. Maybe I will always hate my art, but I hate it a lot less as of late, having learned that it inspires people, which is something I never thought would happen. I honestly never have and never will consider myself an inspiration, but the fact that people have come forward to tell me I inspire them is the main reason I cry myself to sleep. So maybe you can’t see your value, but I assure you there are close friends and admirers who love you and your art very, very much.
And maybe that’s what really matters? I don’t know.
As for giving up drawing? I don’t know if I really believe anyone can give up drawing. I’ve gone through some month-long intervals where even attempting to draw sent me into literal spasms. But any stress I had was entirely situational, and in the long run I knew I would never stop drawing, even if I couldn’t draw at the time.
I think the best way I heard it put was that “A tree cant bear fruit all year round”. Or something along those lines. And it’s true. Taking breaks from art don’t mean you’re giving up, it’s as vital to keeping your art healthy as is sleep. I feel it’s necessary to function properly.
Also for the arm pain? I’m not a doctor or anything, like I thought my heart was behind my bellybutton until I was a freshman. But I guess maybe consider some kind of like arm brace? And try that ice first, heat later therapy shit for a few days. If’n the pain persists, maybe talk to the doc? It could be that Carpet Tunnel shit. I never got it, and I draw with my legs behind my head.
If there was more for me to say, then I forgot what it was, but I hope this unnecessarily long post helps a little bit. I have the nagging feeling it won’t.
